Original subtitles

WALTER: Previously on Scorpion...

♪ ...Meu amigo amigvel. ♪

I found a mathematical formula for their dance tracks,

and a few weeks later, I had royalties coming in.

If I uncuff him without a direct order,

I violate a half a dozen federal statutes.

Collins!

(laughs)

Agent Gallo, you're under arrest for instigating an escape.

I want a lawyer.

I want to be your attorney.

You want to what? I can do this.

I want a family. I've always wanted a family.

And I want one with you, 'cause I love you.

Shall we start now?

(phone chimes)

WOMAN: You may proceed, Counselor.

Counselor?

(whispering): You're up.

Oh. She means me.

Right, I am a "counselor" now. Okay.

(sighs)

Your Honor...

or would you prefer "Judge"?

'Cause "Your Honor"--

it-it just sounds so formal.

But we-we are... in a, uh, formal setting.

Either will do.

Okay, then. "Your Honor" it is.

I move for an immediate dismissal

of all the charges against my client,

Cabe Gallo, who is accused of abetting

the escape of federal inmate Mark Collins, on the grounds

that if my client had acted in any other manner,

it would have been in direct violation

of Mr. Collins' constitutional rights.

Thank you.

This is the part of the proceedings

where you elaborate, Counselor.

SYLVESTER: Right.

(laughs) Of course.

(clears throat)

The Eighth Amendment forbids cruel and unusual punishment.

Yes, they taught us that in law school.

How does it pertain to this case?

Well, Honor...

I mean, Your Judge... ship...

This brief... Oh.

(rifling through papers)

This brief.

Uh, it describes the incident in question.

If Agent Gallo had r-run off without...

Uh... Uncuffing.

Right. Uncuffing the stun cuff

from Mark Collins' fo, um...

His ankle.

(laughing): Yes.

His ankle, then the prisoner would have essentially

been tortured by electrocution,

which is in clear violation of his Eighth Amendment rights.

Okay.

I follow your logic.

And it is a good argument,

especially for someone who is clearly new at this.

(laughs)

But whether your client was protecting Mr. Collins' rights

or helping him escape is a matter for a jury to decide,

not me.

This case will proceed to trial.

The second I got in front of that judge,

my brain turned to Jell-O.

I have an eidetic memory.

I can remember the ingredients

from a cereal box from when I was eight,

but in there, I forgot the word "ankle."

You can handle pressure.

I've seen you save the world with math

that would make Einstein cry uncle.

Math? Math isn't a persuasive argument.

You'll do better next time.

What's important is today's your birthday.

The big two-five. Let's celebrate.

I'll call the gang, let 'em know what happened

so when we get there, we can focus

on what's really important: Sly's Big Day.

Okay. Thanks, Cabe.

(tuning guitar)

HAPPY: What's up, boss?

You wanted to see me? Yes.

I need your expert opinion.

My expert opinion is that,

whatever you're doing with the guitar,

you should not record on that fossil.

Well, analog provides

better signal-to-noise ratio.

I am making a song for Paige.

Okay, what did you do wrong that now you have to do this?

I, uh... I failed miserably

at a live-music date a few weeks ago,

so I am making it up to her

by writing a love ballad.

And I figured since you had a hit song in Portugal,

that I would like for you to evaluate my progress.

Yeah, that song was garbage.

I just used math. Oh, yeah. Me, too.

I created an algorithm to analyze

every major love song over the past 75 years,

and then I put together an optimal combination

of the most popular words.

- Oh, boy. - Yep.

So, from the '50s to the '70s,

the most commonly used word was "love".

And then, oddly, the emphasis shifted

to "baby" in the '80s.

And then songwriters became infatuated

with the word "booty,"

which is slang for buttocks.

Just play the song.

Okay.

♪ Your love is love is love, baby ♪

♪ You know your love is love is love ♪

♪ 'Cause I love you ♪

♪ And you love me ♪

♪ You've got a lovely ♪

♪ Booty ♪

♪ You let... ♪ What's wrong?

Uh, all of it. But most importantly,

your song has no soul.

I did exactly what you did, and you got a hit.

I rolled for the lowest common denominator.

You're trying to appeal to a specific person,

who might not be a genius, but whose EQ is off the charts.

You're not gonna fool her with the cookie-cutter crap.

You want to make the waitress swoon?

Okay, can the math, look into your heart.

Also, don't mention her booty.

(door opens)

Motion to dismiss got dismissed?

My client has encouraged me to focus on my birthday,

so I will not discuss the case.

You want to talk about it?

You ever hear of the yips?

What, like when a second baseman

suddenly can't toss the ball to first?

Yeah. I think Sly's got 'em. Wow.

Sylvester's first sports disorder.

Figured it would be jock itch.

I think he's in his head about talking in court.

I mean, I want to believe in the kid, but...

if he craps out, I'm dead.

He's not taking it too well.

At least his birthday ought to cheer him up.

Speaking of birthdays,

how go the efforts of putting a bun

in Happy's oven?

I'm not discussing Happy's oven with you.

You know, the other day I was in the doctor's office,

and I picked up one of those women's magazines.

There was an article that said a lady has a better chance

of conceiving if, by the end, you know,

she's... she's gotten sprinkles on her cupcake.

Are you making sure

that Happy's getting sprinkles on her cupcake, son?

What?

You know about sprinkles?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know about sprinkles.

Happy's got more sprinkles than the ice cream man.

All right. 'Cause if you need any tips

in the gooty department...

I don't need any tips.

And please don't ruin gooty for me.

I'm just trying to help.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Nothing. Nothing that concerns you.

Um, okay. Well, is everybody ready?

We've got a long drive to the festival grounds

for Sylvester's big birthday outing.

You're telling me.

When I worked for the FBI, I used to have to schlep stuff

out to the evidence warehouse, not far from where we're going.

It is in the middle of nowhere.

Mm, centrally located.

That's the only way they could get the nerds out to Nerdfest

to pull a profit.

Oh, costumes. Toby. Uh...

Happy.

Not good.

What's not good?

We, sir, are headed to celebrate

my day of birth at the Los Angeles

Renaissance Festival.

It's today, damn it.

Oh, yes.

And we will get in ahead of the masses

with these-- our VIP passes.

So don your garb,

for today, we're gonna party like it's 1599.

♪ ♪

(record scratches)

How long we been walking?

Feels like forever. This is ridiculous.

Why'd they put the parking lot so far away?

"No cars allowed on the site."

This festival aims for total authenticity.

Really? They had electrical transformers

in the 1600s? SYLVESTER: Oh, man,

that isn't supposed to be thee.

The county runs utility lines through this area.

Land's not good for much, that's why they put

government warehouses out here.

Let us not talk of such crass matters as commerce.

It is time to celebrate.

Let the revels commence!

Come on, birthday boy.

The men here are all pretending to be

knights and warriors, while the women are pretending

to wash their clothes.

Even the fake past sucks.

Oh, it couldn't have been all bad.

What about the age of chivalry?

Make way, wench.

Seriously? Would you...

All right, look... Hey, hey, there's a blacksmith.

You like that kind of thing. Come on.

Look at that. The simplicity

of this time period is so amazing.

Yeah, well, you know, if they really wanted

to make this place authentic,

they would throw raw sewage out in the street,

and give a few of these people the plague.

They have authentic food. They have big turkey legs

and roasted ears of corn.

Cheesy fries. Well...

they could have had cheesy French fries.

They had cheese, they had potatoes,

they had France.

Actually, the potato was brought

from Peru to Spain by conquistadors.

This place is about fun. It's not a history lesson.

Actually, this place needs a history lesson,

starting with us-- it is silly for you to be dressed

as Maid Marian and me as Robin Hood

because not not only were Robin and Marian

not figures of the Renaissance

but rather of the late medieval period,

also, they were probably not even real people at all.

(trumpet fanfare)

MAN: Make way for the king.

WOMAN: My Lord. MAN: Your Highness.

(horse neighing)

Clearly milady has chosen

to grace our fine English Festival dressed

as a hero of yesteryear.

I, King Phillip, hereby declare

her costume lacks but one thing--

a rose. (Paige gasps)

Which, alas, pales

beside such beauty as your own.

Why, thank you, my liege.

Please, (chuckles) call me king.

Actually, King Phillip was Spanish,

and an enemy of England during the Renaissance.

Therefore, would most certainly not be presiding

over an English festival.

Enough. What is your problem?

The past is, by definition, past.

Pretending to be in it is silly.

Whatever. I'm going to enjoy the festival

on my own.

Good morrow, my king.

Mmm. Milady.

(sighs)

A fool thinks himself to be a wise man,

but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.

(horse neighs)

King coming through!

HAPPY: That is a caltrop.

Medieval anti-cavalry device.

It's like road strips cops use to stop cars, but for horses.

It's horrible, but this guy's technique is excellent.

Hey, she's taken.

He isn't flirting.

I'm dressed like an idiot.

Yeah, but you look amazing.

Really? This outfit, too?

I'm an executioner.

What a way to go.

Okay.

Meet me at the hayloft

at Ye Old Livery Stable in five minutes.

I want to see this guy finish.

As you wish.

You, me lady, shall experience pleasures

the likes of which no man...

Don't ruin it.

Copy that.

Thank you.

Oh, Toby, can I talk to you for a moment?

Yeah, you couldn't have picked a worse time.

No.

It's driving me nuts that Walter can't just relax

and enjoy this place, and if not for Sly, then for me.

- Yeah, well, Walter's Walter. I got to go. - No, please, Toby.

It's like, it's like every week

I'm giving him boyfriend lessons.

I-I knew it would be hard, but this hard?

(scoffs) You and Happy

had problems but at your cores you're alike.

And... (sighs) I don't know,

we're just-- we're such different people.

Yeah. Well, um,

you know, Happy and I are, uh,

we're like, uh, double chocolate,

which-which is an amazing flavor,

but, um, so is chocolate and peanut butter.

You just got to give it some time. Y-You know,

it took Happy and me a long time to be on the same page.

Look at us now.

We're gonna get it on in a hayloft.

Ooh, I'm happy to hear the effort

to bring us a Scorpion baby continues apace.

Pardon the interruption, kind sir,

but if a child is thine heart's desire,

what wouldest thou say

to this magical pregnancy amulet?

Anne Boleyn was wearing one

when she conceived Queen Elizabeth.

Oh, yes, what wouldest thou say?

I'd say that story and thine amulet

are pure skimble-skamble.

Huh.

Hey, look, Sly.

It's your nerd buddies from the Warlock's Chest.

Yeah, they play Renaissance Festivals

as the "Lord of the Sings."

(gasps) They got Nightingale.

He's a gamer.

He usually frolics in Riverside, but sometimes he jams with them

because he's got the voice of a...

A meadowlark?

No, of a nightingale.

A hale and hearty Happy Birthday to thee,

Sylvester the Conquestor.

SYLVESTER: Ah, dear Kaldor,

today, I am disguised

as astronomer Galileo Galilei.

And hail to thee as well, Magnus Gallo.

"Magnus"?

Don't ask.

Kaldor. Others.

Sweet Lord Rayne costume, Magnus.

Are you a Bladie, too?

Come again?

Chair of Blades.

You're dressed as one of the characters

from Chair of Blades.

It's one of the most popular TV shows out there.

It's about a group of warriors

who vie for the right

to sit upon a chair of blades.

That sounds uncomfortable.

Sounds stupid.

NIGHTINGALE: Okay, guys.

Let us jam.

♪ Being a maiden ♪

♪ Is pretty rough ♪

♪ Ten hours you work the field ♪

♪ And somehow, it's still not enough ♪

♪ I want no other ♪

♪ To churn my butter ♪

♪ And I'm just here ♪

♪ So I can say ♪

♪ Please let this knight ♪

♪ Break up your day ♪

You got to be kidding me. ♪ Please let this knight ♪

♪ Break up your day. ♪

Sword in the Stone.

I want to be king.

(grunting)

(crowd moaning)

Thank you. All right.

(clears throat)

Sword of Arthur, from this stone,

I thee yank!

You're never gonna do it.

Let the kid play.

Yeah. Come on, let him play.

Come on, Sly.

(trumpet blows)

Royalty passing through.

Oh. Zounds.

It is King Phillip.

KING PHILLIP: Yes.

Oh, stop it.

Keep going.

Arise, peasant.

And behold.

(shouts)

'Tis nothing for the one true king!

(cheering, applause)

ALL: Huzzah!

What says thou? Huzzah!

Huzzah! Huzzah!

Hmm.

Wouldest thou care for a try, Robin of the Hood?

- Oh, I'm happy to. - Mm.

Just give me the remote.

(laughing): What meanest thou?

I meanest the device in your left hand

that kills the electromagnet holding the sword.

That's the biggest sham over here.

So your stores have credit cards,

the band has microphones,

and you have an electromagnet.

There was no electricity in the Renaissance.

(man grunting)

(electricity sparking) (people exclaiming)

(horse neighing) What happened?

WALTER: Oh, the transformer that didn't exist

during the Renaissance just blew up.

Well, I guess we should just go home.

It's Sly's birthday.

Fix it.

What happened? Overheating?

TOBY: No. I didn't get a chance to.

The electricity went out, and we had to stop, and...

Oh. Oh, the transformer.

That wasn't an overload. It was sabotage.

Piece of metal was jammed into the works.

Blew the substation. Power must be out for miles.

Who'd sabotage a Renaissance Festival?

Probably someone with a sense of historical accuracy.

Shut up, listen.

(motorcycle engine revving)

Sly, give me your telescope.

What are you looking at?

Biker down there,

wearing the same stupid clothes as us.

You think he disguised himself so he could come here

and blow the transformer?

And kill power to the security at the LAPD evidence warehouse.

Oh, man.

They're gonna rob the place.

♪ Scorpion 4x08 ♪ Faire Is Foul Original Air Date on November 13, 2017

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

(birds chirping)

Yep. They are definitely robbing the evidence warehouse.

Bandits?

Are you certain?

I'm calling 911.

WALTER: Yeah, one of the bikers is dressed in Festival garb.

I'm guessing Medieval Knievel disguised himself

so he could stroll right in here without being noticed.

And destroy the substation transformer,

knocking out the alarms, doors and electric fence

at the evidence warehouse.

My cell's dead.

Mine, too.

Oh, when that transformer blew,

it must have sent an electromagnetic pulse

through the festival grounds.

Computer chips are toast.

Surge must've fried the nearest cell phone tower, too.

Well, it might as well really be in the 16th century.

Is there a landline at the office?

What meanest thou by "landline"?

Oh, dude, seriously?

Verily. There is a "landline."

But, alas, the phone is without cord.

A cordless phone. That means we can't dial out

until we restore power.

Can we restore power?

Well, with the crap around here to work with? Unknown.

When they destroyed the substation, it must have cut off

electricity to homes,

hospitals, uh, businesses, traffic lights.

It's rush hour soon.

It's gonna be Carmageddon out there.

So you're saying things are gonna get worse?

(gunshots in distance)

CABE: Things already got worse.

They shot the guard.

He's not moving.

Oh, that doesn't look good.

Oh, hang on. That man's alive.

All right. Walter and Toby, you're with me.

Paige, see if this place has ye olde first aid kit.

We're gonna need it when we get back.

On it.

Okay. Sly, Happy, go fix the electricity,

see if we can call for help.

Copy that.

How are you gonna get all the way down there?

CABE: We can't drive,

'cause we parked a mile away.

CABE: King.

Go back to the festival,

tell everybody to get the hell out of here.

You're gonna have to do it on foot,

because I'm gonna commandeer your horse.

Don't worry, buddy. We're gonna help you.

(clattering)

Bikers are ripping that place apart looking for something.

The evidence manifest is computerized,

so they can't check it.

It's gonna take them a while to find what they want.

Hey, are there any other cops in there?

(breathlessly): No.

Okay. You two, get him to the cart.

I'll make sure they can't follow us.

Okay. Go, go, go, go. Go.

(exhales)

Okay.

(grunts)

Defibrillator. (gasps) First aid kit.

What's the verdict?

It's a melted mess in there,

but if we can make a new coil,

I think I can get this thing running again.

How do we do that?

We have to create a ferromagnet.

In English.

We need iron bars and copper wire.

Oh, the jewelry booth uses copper wire.

And the blacksmith has plenty of iron.

Sly, give me a hand. Let's go.

Okay, uh, you put on some gloves and I'll get you some tongs.

HAPPY: Okay, Thor, hammer away.

(shouts)

(quietly): Why didn't he slash the tires?

They're Kevlar. You can't pop them with a set of keys.

Can't be married to Happy Quinn without learning

a thing or two about motorcycles.

(grunts)

(quietly): Let's go.

Hyah! (horse neighs)

(hissing)

Uh, this'll do. Let's go.

Hey. I got the wire. Okay, we've got

to step the current down from 110K to 9K volts.

That means wrapping the short ends

of this iron rectangle with copper.

Has to have the right ratio of turns. Sly, compute.

Right. Faraday's law.

Okay, primary coil needs eleven hundred...

Okay, just do it. I've got other work.

(horse neighs)

(horse snorts)

(horse neighs)

Whoa.

All right, this guy's in bad shape!

We got to hurry!

Uh, heartbeat's irregular. I got to get that bullet out.

Uh, I need tweezers, forceps, something.

Will jewelry pliers work?

That's perfect. Uh, now I need to sterilize.

Is there alcohol?

There's none in the first aid kid.

How 'bout the finest rum?

That'll do!

CABE: Okay, everyone, your help

is appreciated,

but we're dealing with dangerous men.

And Phil here should've already

told you to go home.

We can't.

With the traffic lights out and half of L.A. blacked out,

the-the service roads to the freeway are backed up forever!

Sorry, pal,

I know this doesn't tickle. (grunts)

(shouting) (groaning)

Walt, pour some of that grog on the wound.

Yeah.

This is gonna sting-eth. (groaning)

This is great. I'm gonna throw up.

(panting)

You look funny.

Verily. How you feeling?!

Like I got shot.

(pants)

And woke up in a Medieval Times restaurant.

Well, you ain't too far from wrong.

Any idea what those guys were after?

This. (grunts)

Leader of the biker gang killed a cop up in Sacramento.

This had the cop's blood on it.

And his.

Heard about that shooting.

Lawyer got a change of venue,

so the trial's gonna happen here.

Someone must've tipped the gang

to where the evidence was.

Knew what they were after, so I grabbed it.

If they destroy that evidence, a cop killer walks.

Listen, promise, no matter what happens to me,

you won't let them have this.

Hey, we promise.

(groaning)

(grunts, pants) Okay, hey,

tell me what you're feeling!

(strained): Pressure inside my chest.

Oh, Toby, he's turning gray.

Bullet must've nicked the pericardial sac

around his heart. The bullet was probably blocking the hole.

And when I took it out, it started filling with blood

and putting pressure on his heart.

So, uh, I need a red-hot poker

to cauterize the wound,

stop the bleeding or he's gonna die.

Blacksmith's. On it.

CABE: When those bikers

realize the evidence they're looking for

isn't in that warehouse and who took it...

(gulps)

I'm gonna go stand guard.

King, you're with me.

Let's go, Phil-boy, move your knickers.

Hey, man. My name's Chad.

I sell Jacuzzis in the Valley.

I don't fight bikers.

I'm out of here.

Son of a blunderbuss.

He's abandoned us. It's fine. I'll do it myself.

Poker. Okay.

Here comes Renaissance trauma care at its finest.

Walt, Paige, I hate to ask.

Hey, man,

I'll see you when you wake up,

okay?

I'm really sorry about this.

(screaming)

All right. He's passed out cold, but...

the bleeding stopped! He should be fine.

Unless he isn't.

He's going into cardiac arrest.

You were supposed to fix his heart!

All right, if we want to keep him alive,

we got to find a way to shock his pumper!

Uh, there's a defibrillator back by the, um, transformer.

No, the battery'll be fried from the transformer's electromagnetic shock.

Well, if the capacitor blew, the computer components

were preserved. I can build a new capacitor.

Still won't work without batteries.

Great. We're stuck in the 17th century,

and the only thing we need to save this man is electricity!

Exactly.

This is why I hate the Renaissance Festival.

Okay, I triaged this thing's melted guts best I can.

Where's my ferromagnet?

Here it is. Done.

Happy, we need power.

Working on it.

Okay. Okay.

Aluminum foil and a glass bottle with a cork.

And salt from the Thanks for Mutton stand.

Okay, bottle, salt, water, cork, aluminum foil.

Time to make a capacitor. TOBY: Hurry up.

He's not doing well. My arms feel like jelly.

All right, done.

Either it works or it explodes.

The electricity is back on.

Yeah, that means I'm not making this capacitor for nothing.

Paige, can you, uh, do me a favor and yank out

the old capacitor from the defibrillator?

This thing here? Yes.

SYLVESTER: Power is holding.

Now, why don't you go down to the office and call for help?

My pleasure.

Okay, thanks.

A Leyden jar capacitor. Nice.

Yeah, it should store and release enough electricity

to get the defibrillator back and running again.

Okay, now all I need is a nail. Oh. That hatpin.

I'll get some juice.

TOBY: All right, he's running out of steam!

Wire it in.

It's working.

Happy, switch with me.

And... clear!

(defibrillator beeping)

Okay. He's okay.

(exhales)

(defibrillator flatlines)

(defibrillator beeping steadily) Wait, what the hell?

No, no, no. It's-it's okay. Look.

(defibrillator flatlines, beeps) Uh, what's that all about, Doc?

His heart is being choked by the pericardic blood.

The defib acts like a pacemaker.

Sensing when his ticker stops, then it hits reset

by automatically shocking it back into the rhythm.

He needs to stay hooked up,

but he'll-he'll be okay until an ambulance gets here.

SYLVESTER (panting): Okay, well,

that's not gonna be for a while because traffic

is still backed up from the blown transformer

and emergency personnel are spread thin.

Cops and ambulance won't be here for another 30 minutes.

CABE: We don't have 30 minutes.

The guys who shot the guard are on their way here.

What?! Why?!

They can't find the evidence they're looking for.

The guard they shot is missing

and there's cart tracks leading back to here.

It's okay. I locked up their bikes.

(gunshots)

That's the sound of people shooting locks off of chains.

They'll have those bikes hotwired in minutes.

All right. Let's grab the guard and scram.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And go where?

The-the parking lot is a mile away

and the service road is backed up to the 101.

Okay, so we camouflage ourselves in a mass of hundreds of cars.

That's a no-go.

This man has to stay hooked up to this defib or he dies.

CABE: Can't we hook that machine up

to a car battery or something?

That's DC power. The defib needs AC.

Well, what happens if we just, uh, give them the evidence?

Besides letting a murderer go free?

There's no guarantee that they won't kill us anyway.

Be the smart play. Leave no witnesses.

I have an idea how we can protect the evidence

and stop the bikers, but we're gonna need help,

all of your help.

Yeah, uh, I-I have sciatica. So...

Giving you my hatpin is one thing, but...

you're talking about guys with guns.

Seriously? None of you will help?

Uh...

Sylvester.

You got to convince them to work with us.

You do it. You're the military man.

Exactly why they won't listen to me.

You speak nerd.

You saw what happens when I try to speak

with something this big on the line.

You saw me fail in court today.

When Timan the Tailor

failed to convince the vassals to donate crops

to the villagers, did he give up?

Hell no. He rallied the peasants

of Winterbourne.

I knew you loved Chair of Blades.

Of course I do. Who wouldn't love Chair of Blades?

It's about warriors battling for the right

to sit on a chair of blades.

What's more badass than that?

Now, listen to me,

you're as much a leader as Timan the Tailor.

It's in you.

Just find it.

Friends, Roman, countrymen,

lend me your ear.

Bullies call us nerds, geeks,

losers. (crowd muttering assent)

The world shuns our kind.

We have just one safe place: the Renaissance Festival.

And the Warlock's Chest.

Yes, and the Warlock's Chest.

And sci-fi conventions.

Okay, so we have three safe places,

but only one of them is being threatened today.

And we need all of your help to protect it.

We play games in which we pretend to be heroes.

But this is your chance

to actually be heroes.

For how can we ever hope

to live long and prosper

if we be cowards now?

So...

so, who will stand with me against the invading horde

and say, "You can take our lunch money,

but you will never take our Renaissance Festival!"

CROWD: Huzzah! Huzzah!

Huzzah! Huzzah!

(engines revving) You hear that?

Motorcycle engines. They're on their way.

Huzzah! Huzzah!

We're all gonna die here, right?

Yeah, we're totally dead.

Huzzah!

Those bikers can't know that

we're trying to lure them in or this won't work.

Show me your surprise face.

You surprised or having a stroke?

All right, here they come. Places!

Great.

Oh, my God.

Oh, boy.

(all yelling)

Now.

(grunts)

My ankle.

(panting)

Now, that's a surprised face.

(horse neighs)

Huh? (grunts)

(grunts)

(coughs)

Looks like you're going to the stocks, jackass.

Oh, crap.

Come on, man, you're nothing but a sitting duck out here.

Come on. (metal clanging)

ALL: Huzzah!

Cabe!

(gun clicks) (gasps)

Drop it. (defibrillator beeping)

Well, you're the boss.

No! No!

If somebody doesn't give me that evidence bag,

I'm gonna kill him.

Don't do anything drastic.

Give me the shirt.

No. I hid it

when you were fighting. I won't tell you

where it is until you let him go.

It's not happening.

I will kill him,

and I will kill all of you.

Oh, he's telling the truth.

Good.

'Cause in order to save this cop's life,

first he has to die.

I'm pulling the trigger on three.

(defibrillator flatlines, shocks)

Happy, how much do you trust me?

More than I probably should.

One.

I need you to undo everything that you did.

Destroy it all.

Oh, man.

I think I know what you're planning.

Two.

What's he planning?

Something nuts.

Now!

(beeps) (grunts) What the...?

See? I told you that sword was held in with electricity.

TOBY: Well, speaking of which, with no electricity,

we just killed this man.

What's the plan, Walt?

Uh, Paige, grab that spinning wheel.

I'll set up the defibrillator!

SYLVESTER: You're gonna wrap wool around the hat pin

on the capacitor you built.

And the spinning wheel will move fast enough to create

a static charge capable

of firing the defibrillator back up.

Which will fire his heart back up.

(panting) Okay.

TOBY: Walt, hurry up! Yep.

Okay, Paige, start peddling.

Okay.

How much power does it make?

Uh, not a lot. Ed Begley Jr. could barely

make his toast this way.

Well, let's just hope it's enough to give him

a decent enough jolt every 90 seconds or so,

or this guy's not gonna make it.

(beeps) Ready for shock.

All right, hit him!

(steady beep, shocks)

(beeping)

It worked. Uh, he's-he's gonna need another one soon,

so keep pumping, Paige.

How long do I have to keep this going?

Till an ambulance gets here.

We can all take turns.

Feel like your speech really had an effect on them, kid.

Yeah, I-I...

I can't pedal on account of my sciatica.

All except that one. He's a real weenie.

(grunts)

(grunts)

King Phillip?

(grunts)

Were you hiding in the manure bin?

Good day.

Speaking of weenies.

Just got off the phone with a cop buddy of mine.

Guard's gonna be okay, the bikers won't be.

Garage looks...

Looks like The Hobbit threw up in it.

I was gonna say "perfect."

Next best thing to a birthday at the Renaissance Festival.

Okay, Sly.

Your little friends are here.

Guys. Y-You came.

I thought you were staying at the festival.

We would never miss your birthday bacchanalia,

old friend. (chuckles)

And besides, the festival's closed until they fix the power.

Uh, it matters not why.

Just that we are here.

Now slice the cake with Raven's Beak,

let the Dr. Shazz flow free,

for tonight, we dine in Hell!

ALL: Huzzah!

You know, we never finished what we started in that hay loft.

A Scorpion outing went sideways.

It happens. A lot.

Okay, well, I can't help notice there's no pending disaster now.

Well, it depends on how you define "disaster."

Sly's nerd friends are preparing to do battle.

Careful. Don't get my eyes. Ow.

See, that's all the more reason why we need to get back to work

on Operation Baby Quintis as soon as possible.

Well, it would be a shame to waste these stupid costumes.

How about after the party, we have a party of our own?

Don't have to ask me twice.

Speaking of stupid...

I know it's dumb,

but before we left the festival, I bought this.

Um, it's supposed to bring the wearer

good baby-making luck.

I don't believe it, but...

You figured, "What could it hurt"?

Yeah.

Me, too.

(both shouting)

(strumming guitar)

♪ When I'm with you ♪

♪ It soothes my mind ♪

♪ And I feel fine ♪

♪ I feel fine ♪

♪ When you're with me ♪

♪ My mind can rest ♪

♪ My thoughts can nest ♪

♪ Thoughts can nest ♪

♪ You're the calm ♪

♪ I hold in my arms ♪

♪ The peace that I need ♪

♪ You so disarm. ♪

(strums guitar)

This is stupid.

PAIGE: Walter?

Um...

Um...

Hey.

I just got back from picking up Ralph.

He's downstairs, putting his costume on for Sly's party.

I was gonna change back into mine, if you want to join us.

Yeah, sure. I'll be down in a minute.

Great.

You know, my...

my job with Scorpion is to help you act more human

so you can function better in the world,

but I don't want you to pretend

to be someone you're not to be my boyfriend.

You know, like, earlier today,

I saw a guy with a stupid crown,

and he was pretending to be someone he's not.

And then, when push came to shove, he ran away,

and he showed his ugly true self.

He hid in feces.

Yes, he... he did.

My-my point is,

is that you are always your true self, Walter,

and that person is brave and good,

and I love that about you.

So I just wanted you to know,

I love a lot about you, whether you like silly festivals or not.

(chuckles softly)

(clears throat)

One thing that's for sure, I am not a musician.

♪ Being a maiden... ♪

Grab me a beer, would you?

You're in a good mood.

Why wouldn't I be? I saw what my counsel can really do

when the heat is on.

Well, the trust you placed in me

was what inspired me.

I promise you,

come heck or high water,

I will win your case.

I know that.

And don't worry.

I will never tell anyone that you love Chair of Blades.

(chuckles)

Whoa. Cabe's a nerd.

I'm not a nerd.

I'm a Bladie.

And there's a difference.

And Magnus wants to party.

(laughing): All right. (laughs)

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Churn my butter ♪

♪ Please let this knight break up ♪

♪ Your day ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, oh, whoa, whoa, oh. ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man