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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:07,740 (upbeat intro playing) 2 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,732 (fireworks exploding) 3 00:00:56,215 --> 00:00:57,748 (car engines rumbling) 4 00:01:03,436 --> 00:01:05,903 -Oh, shit. 5 00:01:05,431 --> 00:01:08,399 - Is this the... Is this the right site? 6 00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:10,668 - Yes, honey. It's site 16, like always. 7 00:01:11,713 --> 00:01:15,130 - Yo, Tommy, what's going on? - Will you call me "Dad"? 8 00:01:15,166 --> 00:01:16,641 - Pops: Franklin? - Yeah? 9 00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:19,268 - Are you sure you booked this for us? - Absolutely. 10 00:01:19,303 --> 00:01:21,679 I booked the last available site. 11 00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:25,174 I got the permit right here. Site 16, July 4th weekend. 12 00:01:25,209 --> 00:01:27,952 - Felipa. (speaking Spanish) 13 00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:32,381 - I just think that there's been a little bit of a mix-up, Papi, so... 14 00:01:32,416 --> 00:01:35,618 - Buenos tardes, amigos! Word, bitches. 15 00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:37,828 - Who you calling a bitch? - I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 16 00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:41,357 Just trying to break up the racial tension here, that's all. 17 00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:42,091 Might have hit bitch a little hard. 18 00:01:42,126 --> 00:01:43,968 - A little bit. - Yeah. 19 00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:48,430 So what's going on? Pretty sure we booked this site for the weekend. 20 00:01:48,466 --> 00:01:50,266 - No, no. We're the Jones family. - Yeah. 21 00:01:51,369 --> 00:01:52,710 - We booked site 16. - (chuckles) 22 00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:57,130 Well, now, we're the Jonas family and this is our site. 23 00:01:57,166 --> 00:02:00,033 - Son, we're site 16. - No. 24 00:02:00,069 --> 00:02:01,535 -All: We're site 16. 25 00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:04,371 - You guys might be 116, but we're definitely 16. 26 00:02:04,406 --> 00:02:05,038 It's right here on the paper, okay? 27 00:02:05,074 --> 00:02:07,574 -(speaking Spanish) 28 00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:08,729 - Uno, dos, tres, quatro... - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 29 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:11,345 - That is level two, sweetheart, that's nice. This is 16. 30 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:13,280 - I don't know how that is. - We're 16. 31 00:02:13,315 --> 00:02:15,315 - Yeah, I know, but we're site 16. 32 00:02:15,351 --> 00:02:18,027 - 16, man. Come on. - Hold on. So... 33 00:02:18,062 --> 00:02:21,730 Jones, Jonas, and our last name is Jones, too. Well, there's the mix-up. 34 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:24,524 - What y'all trying to say, y'all our masters or something? 35 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,894 - No, no, not saying... I barely even own a cat. 36 00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,263 -Site 16! 37 00:02:30,299 --> 00:02:31,665 - Wait a minute! - (all arguing) 38 00:02:33,068 --> 00:02:34,601 -2,000 and 3,000. 39 00:02:34,637 --> 00:02:35,981 But we're definitely 16. It says here on the paper. 40 00:02:36,005 --> 00:02:38,030 -Also site 16! 41 00:02:38,066 --> 00:02:39,632 -(continue arguing) 42 00:02:47,508 --> 00:02:51,243 - Okay, um, so, it looks like the name "Jones" 43 00:02:51,279 --> 00:02:54,513 kind of mixed up the computers. 44 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,415 And, uh, unfortunately, that's a big problem, 45 00:02:56,451 --> 00:02:58,659 because the park is completely sold out. 46 00:02:58,694 --> 00:03:02,555 I mean, this is, like, our biggest weekend of the year. 47 00:03:02,590 --> 00:03:04,430 - Hey, maybe it's because it's the 4th of July. 48 00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:07,934 - Um, yeah, well, you know, we think that that's a factor. 49 00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:10,690 - Come on, you guys. Please, please, please, let's not escalate this. 50 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:14,033 How about sharing the site? 51 00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:15,668 -(all protesting) 52 00:03:17,038 --> 00:03:19,046 -Everyone stop! 53 00:03:19,081 --> 00:03:21,885 - Ron, you just gonna stand there and let them push us around like that? 54 00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:24,602 - No, no, I won't let that happen, okay? Let me tell you something. 55 00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:27,271 I'm gonna have Jesse Jackson down here on a moped, 56 00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:29,306 with Al Sharpton in the sidecar. 57 00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,275 Okay? They love that type of shit. 58 00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:34,144 - Ooh! It just escalated. - Yeah. 59 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:35,921 That definitely escalated, 60 00:03:35,957 --> 00:03:39,617 which was the exact opposite of what he was hoping you would do. 61 00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:43,696 - Sir, if sharing the site is the only option, then... 62 00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:49,426 This weekend is important. I say we all just share the site. 63 00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:50,781 - Uh, son, are you out of your damn mind? 64 00:03:50,805 --> 00:03:52,975 - Come on, Pop, there's kids here... - We're not gonna share... 65 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,665 -(all arguing) 66 00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,405 - There's not... There's not enough space! 67 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,633 - Papi? Are we gonna have to go home? 68 00:04:10,307 --> 00:04:11,640 - Charlie: Okay. Okay, so... So... 69 00:04:13,243 --> 00:04:17,346 Maybe we can share. - Yes! 70 00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:19,114 All right, so we're all gonna share. 71 00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:20,649 And it's gonna be great! 72 00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:31,627 - All right. Little bit of a rough start, 73 00:04:31,629 --> 00:04:33,006 but this weekend's gonna be great. - (chuckles) 74 00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:35,739 Yeah, I hope so. 75 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:38,200 You know, this is the first time we've all been together 76 00:04:38,235 --> 00:04:39,877 since you and I got married. 77 00:04:39,912 --> 00:04:43,639 I just want your kids to like my kids and my kids to like you. 78 00:04:43,674 --> 00:04:47,335 There's no reason we can't be one big, happy family. 79 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,711 - That speech sucked. - Sucked balls. 80 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:54,342 - Wow. -Yeah, yeah, he's right. It came off really whiny. 81 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:55,784 I can't believe that we're brothers. 82 00:04:55,819 --> 00:04:59,614 - Hey, Gravy, why don't you take these over to the campsite? 83 00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:01,616 - Oh, no, my hands are full. I gotta go, I gotta... 84 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,930 - Hey, Thomas, did you unpack my turtle shells? 85 00:05:04,954 --> 00:05:06,654 -Yeah, here. 86 00:05:09,459 --> 00:05:11,733 Can you call me "Dad"? - Not right now. 87 00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:14,703 Thanks, Tommy. Hey, guys, check out my new turtle shells! 88 00:05:16,132 --> 00:05:17,873 -Give it time, honey. 89 00:05:17,908 --> 00:05:21,335 Oh, do you think you can get Sharni to stop calling me "Fake Mom"? 90 00:05:21,371 --> 00:05:22,514 - She doesn't call you "Fake Mom." 91 00:05:22,538 --> 00:05:24,405 - Oh, you're doing that? You're doing that? 92 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,080 - Yeah, no, no. I'll try. - Thank you. 93 00:05:28,569 --> 00:05:32,404 - Man! Sharing this site was a crap idea, Felipa. 94 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:33,372 - We're doing this for Papi's birthday. 95 00:05:33,407 --> 00:05:35,850 Just try to hold it together for him. 96 00:05:35,885 --> 00:05:38,445 - You think maybe we'll see Papi smile for once in his damn life? 97 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:42,615 - (sighs) He works hard, and he worries about us. 98 00:05:42,617 --> 00:05:43,869 - What, he can't worry and smile at the same time? 99 00:05:43,893 --> 00:05:47,862 Hey, I bet if your Papi ever did smile, his face would creak. 100 00:05:47,897 --> 00:05:50,623 Sound like a nail being pulled from wood. (imitates creaking) 101 00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:53,701 - We'd probably hear his face go, "Oilcan! Oilcan!" 102 00:05:55,429 --> 00:05:57,772 - Ha, ha, ha. Maybe he would smile more 103 00:05:57,807 --> 00:06:00,127 if you stopped goofing around and went to work for Rolando. 104 00:06:02,003 --> 00:06:03,469 -As a plumber? 105 00:06:03,504 --> 00:06:06,038 Uh, no, Felipa. That's a living nightmare. 106 00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:07,397 -It's honest work. 107 00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:09,533 - Anyways, look, it doesn't even matter. 108 00:06:09,568 --> 00:06:11,246 I tell you, one day, I'm gonna be a millionaire. 109 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:14,204 -Oh! You gonna win the lottery? 110 00:06:14,239 --> 00:06:16,473 -Won't win if I don't scratch. 111 00:06:16,508 --> 00:06:16,682 Plus, I'm gonna get my ass on "Shark Tank" 112 00:06:16,717 --> 00:06:19,343 and make Mark Cuban my new best friend. - (chuckles) 113 00:06:19,378 --> 00:06:20,664 - Well, when you become a millionaire, 114 00:06:20,688 --> 00:06:24,448 maybe you could pay me back the 75 bucks I loaned you. 115 00:06:24,483 --> 00:06:25,669 - Ah! Mmm-hmm. - Yeah, you're gonna have to 116 00:06:25,693 --> 00:06:28,518 fill out all kinds of paperwork and taxes and stuff. 117 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,654 Might not be worth it, bro, so, probably not. 118 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:37,561 - Hey, did you leave the car open? - I did. 119 00:06:37,596 --> 00:06:40,464 - Did you see Fake Mom telling me how to unpack, 120 00:06:40,499 --> 00:06:41,752 like she's the boss of me or something? 121 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:45,202 - Hey, babe, Sharni, you shouldn't call her "Fake Mom." 122 00:06:45,237 --> 00:06:47,571 I'm glad that Dad remarried. 123 00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:50,165 He's much happier, which keeps him off of my ass. 124 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,601 I think she's great for him. 125 00:06:52,603 --> 00:06:54,645 - Yeah, well, Fake Mom says you drink too much, too. 126 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,006 - Fake Mom can blow my balls. She said that? -Yeah. 127 00:06:58,041 --> 00:06:59,041 -That's bullshit. 128 00:07:01,345 --> 00:07:03,645 Is that a 24-hour Popeye's Chicken? 129 00:07:05,248 --> 00:07:06,648 -Uh, no. That's a Porta Potty. 130 00:07:09,353 --> 00:07:11,987 - I love chickens. More than you. 131 00:07:12,022 --> 00:07:13,655 -Ah, screw off. 132 00:07:15,325 --> 00:07:18,460 - (kids bickering) - (grunting) 133 00:07:18,495 --> 00:07:20,395 - Whoo! Y'all kids keep it down over there 134 00:07:20,430 --> 00:07:23,064 with your Pokemon Go playing selves! 135 00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:23,774 -Girl, you so crazy. 136 00:07:23,809 --> 00:07:28,103 - Girl, I am so tired of running around after the kids. 137 00:07:28,138 --> 00:07:30,431 I need this vacation. 138 00:07:30,466 --> 00:07:34,435 - It's beautiful here. - It is, ain't it? 139 00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:37,037 Honey, you gonna like my brother Franklin. 140 00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:38,606 All I got to say is, 141 00:07:38,608 --> 00:07:41,442 is hold off on having kids for as long as you can. 142 00:07:41,477 --> 00:07:42,829 'Cause they will suck the life out of you. 143 00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:46,013 I mean, it's like sticking a vacuum cleaner in a pumpkin, just... 144 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,616 (imitates sucking) 145 00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:51,552 - What'd you say, Mama? - Just suck it all... Huh? Huh? 146 00:07:51,587 --> 00:07:55,522 Baby, nothing. Mama loves you. Go on. Go play. 147 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,458 - Wait. Hold up. Are you saying you invited me 148 00:07:57,493 --> 00:07:59,426 as some kind of blind date for Franklin? 149 00:07:59,462 --> 00:08:02,771 - Girl, no, no, no! We enjoy your company. 150 00:08:02,806 --> 00:08:06,400 - Oh, girl, 'cause I was about to... - But it is a blind date. 151 00:08:06,435 --> 00:08:09,169 - Hey, Jose, can you get those oranges? 152 00:08:09,205 --> 00:08:10,679 -Are you kidding, Felipa? 153 00:08:10,714 --> 00:08:12,509 Nothing can give the other families the satisfaction 154 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,533 of watching a Mexican carry a bag of oranges. 155 00:08:14,568 --> 00:08:16,501 Like I'm selling them on the side of the street. 156 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,637 - Okay, are you serious? God, you sound crazy. 157 00:08:23,010 --> 00:08:24,409 -Hey, excuse me! 158 00:08:24,445 --> 00:08:27,079 How much do you want for those oranges? 159 00:08:27,114 --> 00:08:28,013 -Ay, beat it, pendejo! 160 00:08:28,048 --> 00:08:29,648 -Oh, crap. Angry. 161 00:08:32,486 --> 00:08:35,087 - Hey, Paco, you got any roses over there? 162 00:08:35,122 --> 00:08:36,122 -Who asked you, Oprah? 163 00:08:37,958 --> 00:08:39,524 -(clinking) 164 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:40,937 - Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'll take that one. 165 00:08:40,961 --> 00:08:43,028 -(clinking) 166 00:08:43,063 --> 00:08:44,063 Hey, what is that? 167 00:08:47,968 --> 00:08:48,968 In your bag. 168 00:08:53,107 --> 00:08:54,107 Yeah, that. What's... 169 00:09:09,214 --> 00:09:11,648 -Recycled. Glass sculpture. 170 00:09:14,219 --> 00:09:15,299 My exhibit. It's next week. 171 00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:18,435 - What? You have an exhibit? - It's called... 172 00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:20,992 "The Exhibit." 173 00:09:26,907 --> 00:09:30,533 - Oh, at least there's some chicas calientes to stare at, huh? 174 00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:32,369 - Jose! What if Francesca heard you say that? 175 00:09:33,438 --> 00:09:36,298 - She ain't here. And we ain't married. 176 00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:38,367 Besides, just 'cause I'm on a diet 177 00:09:38,402 --> 00:09:40,169 doesn't mean I can't look at the menu. 178 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:41,337 -You mean stare at the menu? 179 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:42,732 - Tuck dollar bills into that menu? 180 00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:46,375 - I mean, come on! Man, she's got so much wiggle in her walk, 181 00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:49,244 she could butt-dial a rotary phone. 182 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,520 -Rolando: I heard them talking. 183 00:09:50,722 --> 00:09:53,949 I guess she came as a blind date for that Franklin guy. 184 00:09:53,985 --> 00:09:55,184 - Word? - Word. 185 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:58,187 -What? What'd you just say? 186 00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,366 - Are you all right? - No! 187 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,590 No, no, I'm not all right. (scoffs) 188 00:10:01,626 --> 00:10:03,659 Listening to you two talk would make anybody sick. 189 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,664 Men are idiots. Blind date bullshit. 190 00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:11,411 -Don't let her call you that. 191 00:10:11,435 --> 00:10:14,436 - She's talking to you, too, pendejo. 192 00:10:14,472 --> 00:10:16,116 Is our sister on her menopause or what? 193 00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:17,140 -Ah! The Jones family! 194 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,099 - Jones! - Whoa! 195 00:10:19,134 --> 00:10:21,535 Chilluns are everywhere. 196 00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:23,481 - Hey, I really hope you guys like the park, man. 197 00:10:23,505 --> 00:10:25,405 I don't know what happened with this mix-up. 198 00:10:25,441 --> 00:10:27,916 I know I booked the last available site. 199 00:10:27,952 --> 00:10:31,812 - What changed your mind about coming with us this year, huh, son? 200 00:10:31,847 --> 00:10:33,380 -What? 201 00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:35,758 I love camping. All this is me, Pops. 202 00:10:35,793 --> 00:10:39,028 - Come on, Franklin. Come on, bro. That's bullshit, okay? 203 00:10:39,063 --> 00:10:41,875 I hope you know this is not online camping. It's actually the real thing. 204 00:10:41,899 --> 00:10:45,125 - And I hope you know this won't be a online fist in your face. 205 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,494 It'll be the real thing. 206 00:10:47,529 --> 00:10:49,563 - You know something? I'm tired of your shit. 207 00:10:49,598 --> 00:10:51,518 - Ron Ron, stop it. You leave your brother alone. 208 00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:53,709 -Sorry, Daddy. 209 00:10:53,744 --> 00:10:55,722 - He's gotta dress correct. He's a District Attorney now. 210 00:10:55,746 --> 00:10:59,331 And he's working his way up. He might be Mayor one day. 211 00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:00,719 - Ah, I don't know about Mayor, Pop. 212 00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:04,903 - And, this weekend, we have a fine young woman with us. 213 00:11:04,938 --> 00:11:07,305 Shantaysia. 214 00:11:07,341 --> 00:11:09,950 - Who's Shantaysia? - Listen, son. 215 00:11:09,985 --> 00:11:12,746 Beautiful woman like that on your side, no telling how far you can go. 216 00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:17,148 From DA to Mayor. Commander-in-chief. 217 00:11:17,184 --> 00:11:19,184 (sniffing) You smell that? 218 00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:20,761 There's romance in the air. 219 00:11:20,796 --> 00:11:23,830 - Y'all smell these potties? Damn! -I smell something. 220 00:11:23,866 --> 00:11:26,700 But I didn't wanna say nothing, 'cause I kinda thought it was... 221 00:11:27,995 --> 00:11:28,893 -Sorry, Daddy. 222 00:11:28,929 --> 00:11:30,662 -(panting) 223 00:11:39,139 --> 00:11:40,139 Is that Justin Bieber? 224 00:11:44,235 --> 00:11:45,635 Is that guy naked? - You wish. 225 00:11:49,174 --> 00:11:50,640 -Is that dumpster on fire? 226 00:11:54,379 --> 00:11:55,819 Oh, my gosh. Is that Charles Bronson? 227 00:12:00,118 --> 00:12:01,118 -What's in the bottle? 228 00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:06,055 - Communion. -Right. So you're some creepy drunk priest? 229 00:12:06,091 --> 00:12:07,657 -I am not a priest. 230 00:12:12,564 --> 00:12:15,498 - Listen. Why don't you help Franklin... -No! 231 00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:18,368 - Set some things up? - (clearing throat) 232 00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:20,670 - I've gotta go till some soil. - Pop! 233 00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:24,433 Shantay... Sharon? 234 00:12:24,468 --> 00:12:27,102 - Shantaysia. - Damn, they still doing that? 235 00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:28,637 -That's fucked up. Here. 236 00:12:29,974 --> 00:12:32,608 - "Shantaysia." 237 00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:34,690 Come on, what the hell kind of disease... Shantaysia. 238 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,180 - Hey, bro, what are you doing? You sleeping in your car? 239 00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:39,722 -Until Denali makes a tent. 240 00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:43,092 - Bro, you is not a real camper. Huh? You can't fool me. 241 00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:46,555 You might be able to fool Pops, but you can't fool me, brother. -You're right. 242 00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:48,468 - You can never fool me. - I don't wanna fool you. 243 00:12:48,492 --> 00:12:49,744 - Since I've known you... Whoa! - Ah, snake! 244 00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:53,395 - Snake! Snake on your shoulder! Snake on your shoulder! 245 00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:55,497 - Is it invisible? I don't see nothing! 246 00:12:55,532 --> 00:12:56,817 Where is it? (yelling) - Ron Ron, I'm just... 247 00:12:56,841 --> 00:13:01,269 Ron Ron, I'm just messing with you. I'm just messing with you! 248 00:13:01,305 --> 00:13:02,604 I'm just messing with you, dawg. 249 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,640 I just... I just... What? I just, what, fooled you. 250 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,633 -(indistinct conversations) 251 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,204 - Chuckie: Hit those flying bastards! 252 00:13:11,239 --> 00:13:12,383 -Chuckie, don't say "bastard." 253 00:13:12,407 --> 00:13:15,241 - What about bitch? - Yeah, that's not... 254 00:13:15,277 --> 00:13:16,643 - Ass Slurpee? - No. That... No. 255 00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:19,212 - Ass waffle! - Not great. 256 00:13:19,247 --> 00:13:21,081 - Bitch taco? - Don't love it. 257 00:13:21,116 --> 00:13:22,215 - Shit Slurpee? - No. 258 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:24,284 - Crap-talker. - I don't... No. 259 00:13:24,319 --> 00:13:25,794 - Ass-butch? - Don't... Not a fan. 260 00:13:25,829 --> 00:13:28,588 - You love tit chicken. Tell me that. - No, I don't love that. 261 00:13:28,624 --> 00:13:30,568 - I kinda like that. - I don't love the word "tit." 262 00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:32,036 - Come on now. Dick dog? - Definitely not "dick." 263 00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:33,026 - Ass lick? - No. 264 00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:35,095 - Slurpee? - No. 265 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:38,264 - Shit Slurpee! - No. 266 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:39,966 - What else you got? - Bastards! 267 00:13:40,002 --> 00:13:41,234 - Mmm... - Mmm. 268 00:13:41,269 --> 00:13:43,236 You know what, bastard's fine. 269 00:13:43,271 --> 00:13:46,464 - It's... It's passable. - Yeah. 270 00:13:46,499 --> 00:13:48,244 - Chuckie: Hey, everybody, look! - (barking) 271 00:13:48,268 --> 00:13:49,901 - I made Ocho into a turtle dog! 272 00:13:49,936 --> 00:13:51,436 -(laughter) 273 00:13:51,471 --> 00:13:53,980 - It's the fifth Ninja Turtle, Taco Bello. 274 00:13:54,016 --> 00:13:57,342 - Rolando: Ha, ha, ha, yeah. It's totally funny, man. Now take it off. 275 00:13:57,377 --> 00:13:58,817 - Chuckie: I can't. It's super-glued. 276 00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,650 -(drunken singing) 277 00:14:13,059 --> 00:14:14,659 -Is that Tejano? 278 00:14:17,130 --> 00:14:18,363 -(jazz music playing) 279 00:14:18,398 --> 00:14:21,232 - Now this is what I'm talking about. 280 00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,668 Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire. 281 00:14:25,171 --> 00:14:26,012 -Dad, look, no offense, 282 00:14:26,048 --> 00:14:29,208 but this old-ass music make me wanna put a gun to my head and shoot it! 283 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,209 -(chuckles) Give me a sec. 284 00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:33,036 I'm gonna go get a gun. 285 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,038 -Ha! Good one, Pop. 286 00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,640 - When? - (laughter) 287 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:39,009 - When? - When? 288 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,211 -When? When what? 289 00:14:41,246 --> 00:14:42,045 - I don't even know. - What? 290 00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,788 -No, no, no, no, no. 291 00:14:43,823 --> 00:14:47,017 You said someday someone's gonna have an intervention on you. 292 00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:49,319 I'm curious. When? 293 00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:51,321 - She wasn't suppo... I mean, uh... 294 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:51,922 - When? - What is she talking about? 295 00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,831 -Wait, what? 296 00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,945 I love that show, "Intervention." - What is she talking about? 297 00:14:55,969 --> 00:14:58,770 - I'm camping with my son and my daughter, we're having a good time. 298 00:14:58,805 --> 00:15:01,245 - The wieners... -I don't even know where this is coming from. 299 00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:06,436 - My brother's coherent, and... - I love it here. 300 00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,949 - (burps) This is fabulous. - It's great. 301 00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,397 -Yeah, it... 302 00:15:09,433 --> 00:15:11,466 - Until I hear things about interventions. 303 00:15:11,501 --> 00:15:14,102 When might this intervention be happening? 304 00:15:14,137 --> 00:15:15,937 -What you talking about? 305 00:15:15,973 --> 00:15:19,140 -Uh, son, uh... 306 00:15:19,176 --> 00:15:20,751 When this wiener is done. 307 00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,764 - When will it be done? -(laughing) Yeah, it will be done! 308 00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:26,414 - Well, let me just tell you that interventions are not cool. 309 00:15:26,450 --> 00:15:27,736 They sprung one on a buddy of mine once 310 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,671 and I'm pretty sure he stabbed a bunch of his mom's cats. 311 00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:33,421 - The vet probably had a really good night that night, 312 00:15:33,457 --> 00:15:35,377 wondering how all those cats got stabbed. 313 00:15:39,496 --> 00:15:41,529 - One of these days, I'm gonna be so rich, 314 00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,242 I'll be able to rent this whole damn park out. 315 00:15:43,266 --> 00:15:44,346 Maybe then Papi will smile. 316 00:15:45,902 --> 00:15:48,470 Oh, hey. 317 00:15:48,505 --> 00:15:50,338 I just had my best million-dollar idea yet. 318 00:15:50,374 --> 00:15:51,694 It's a soft drink, but for dogs. 319 00:15:53,234 --> 00:15:56,002 It's called "Pupsi." - What? 320 00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:57,037 - Pupsi! - Pupsi? 321 00:15:58,573 --> 00:15:59,659 Pepsi's not gonna let you get away with that. 322 00:15:59,683 --> 00:16:04,410 - What are they gonna do, sue me? - Yeah. Out your ass. 323 00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:07,647 - ♪ That's a bad idea called Pupsi ♪ 324 00:16:09,184 --> 00:16:10,650 -You fools have no vision. 325 00:16:14,022 --> 00:16:16,356 -♪ Pupsi... ♪ 326 00:16:16,391 --> 00:16:18,157 - Who made y'all the DJ of site 16? 327 00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:20,493 Turn that shit down, okay? 328 00:16:20,528 --> 00:16:21,939 We're trying to hear old-ass jazz over here. 329 00:16:21,963 --> 00:16:24,130 -(laughing) 330 00:16:24,165 --> 00:16:25,907 -Look at they fire, huh? 331 00:16:25,942 --> 00:16:28,777 We got this little fire right here. This doesn't make any sense. 332 00:16:28,812 --> 00:16:31,252 - What does it matter if their fire is bigger than our fire? 333 00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:34,066 - It don't matter... - Thank you. 334 00:16:34,101 --> 00:16:35,634 - if it ain't true. 335 00:16:39,473 --> 00:16:41,033 - Hey, are their fires bigger than ours? 336 00:16:43,277 --> 00:16:44,557 You know, we need a bigger fire. 337 00:16:48,148 --> 00:16:49,948 Get that lighter fluid. 338 00:16:49,984 --> 00:16:51,650 -(all yelling) 339 00:17:04,098 --> 00:17:05,030 -Want some of this? 340 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,065 -(manic laughter) 341 00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,636 -Hey, what you doing? 342 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:24,641 -What's wrong with y'all? 343 00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:30,246 - What the hell is wrong with you men? 344 00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:32,248 Y'all trying to burn my babies? 345 00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:33,216 - Tell 'em, baby. - Oh, my God! 346 00:17:33,251 --> 00:17:35,418 -What is wrong with you guys? 347 00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,094 - Yell at them. Yell at them a little bit. 348 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:38,888 - What the hell? - Felipe! 349 00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:40,932 -Cool off! 350 00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:43,808 My babies in there sleeping, you know you got that from Vietnam. 351 00:17:44,262 --> 00:17:45,306 -Why would you burn that shit? 352 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,430 - Hey! - The fire's still burning. 353 00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:50,634 They started it. - Okay, come on, really? 354 00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,836 - We had it under control. The ice was under control. 355 00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,270 Baby... 356 00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:55,630 -Yeah, you can't fuel this fire! 357 00:18:05,075 --> 00:18:06,274 -What are you doing? 358 00:18:06,309 --> 00:18:08,409 - Go to bed! Everybody go to bed. 359 00:18:08,445 --> 00:18:10,345 - I was actually sleeping. - Go to bed! 360 00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,424 - I was sleepy. I was gonna go to bed. 361 00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:13,008 I was thinking it was time to go to bed. 362 00:18:13,984 --> 00:18:14,984 -(owl hooting) 363 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:17,920 -(snoring) 364 00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:26,060 This is bullshit! 365 00:18:26,096 --> 00:18:27,671 Getting eaten alive! 366 00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:31,132 Damn ants or mosquitoes or whatever the hell you are. 367 00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:32,167 Leave me alone! (grunts) 368 00:18:38,433 --> 00:18:40,633 There's gotta be a 24-hour place in town. 369 00:18:42,937 --> 00:18:44,637 Oh, my God. 370 00:18:47,175 --> 00:18:48,641 What a fricking beginning. 371 00:18:49,944 --> 00:18:50,910 -(car beeps) 372 00:18:50,945 --> 00:18:52,645 -(muttering) 373 00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:58,651 - (crunch) - (tires screech) 374 00:19:01,155 --> 00:19:02,155 -What the hell was that? 375 00:19:03,024 --> 00:19:04,657 Fricking pina... 376 00:19:06,427 --> 00:19:07,987 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 377 00:19:09,063 --> 00:19:11,597 -What did you do? 378 00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:13,510 - You scared the crap outta me! - Oh, my goodness. 379 00:19:13,534 --> 00:19:16,502 Okay, okay, this is not what it looks like. 380 00:19:16,537 --> 00:19:17,690 - You killed them both? - No, no, no, no, no! 381 00:19:17,714 --> 00:19:23,535 This piece of shit dumbass hybrid makes no noise, and... 382 00:19:23,570 --> 00:19:26,504 All right. You gotta help me get them to a vet. 383 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,117 You drive and I'll give them mouth-to-mouth. 384 00:19:28,141 --> 00:19:29,641 I mean, mouth-to-snout. 385 00:19:45,993 --> 00:19:47,659 -(dog yelping) 386 00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:50,796 - What the hell did they do to Ocho? 387 00:19:52,199 --> 00:19:53,239 Who would do such a thing? 388 00:19:57,104 --> 00:19:58,670 - Them... - Come on. 389 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,400 -Hey, man. Hey! What? 390 00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:04,968 - What the heck did you do to our dog? 391 00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:05,777 -Rolando: Look. 392 00:20:05,812 --> 00:20:08,204 - Nobody do nothin' to your dog. What are you talking about? 393 00:20:08,239 --> 00:20:10,139 -What do you mean do nothin'? 394 00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:12,609 -Ron Ron: Oh, shit. Chaka! 395 00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:14,021 - What did they do to you? - What happened to my baby? 396 00:20:14,045 --> 00:20:15,378 -(Ron Ron crying) 397 00:20:15,413 --> 00:20:16,613 What did you'll try to do to my baby? 398 00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:18,526 - Hey, man, we didn't touch your dog. You busted ours. 399 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,850 - Yeah, we love dogs, man. - Look at our dog. 400 00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:21,793 It's... 401 00:20:21,828 --> 00:20:24,228 If y'all didn't touch our dog and we didn't touch your dog... 402 00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:27,657 -All: Wake up, white people. 403 00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:33,029 - Okay, all right, heh... Just... Just hear me out. 404 00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:35,231 I am so... sorry. 405 00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:36,666 It (stutters) was an accident. 406 00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:40,047 I swear. I (stutters) I just wanted some Benadryl. 407 00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:41,671 (Gravy screaming) 408 00:20:46,302 --> 00:20:47,134 - Crazy white man. - What, man? 409 00:20:47,170 --> 00:20:49,971 -(yelling) I have no idea. 410 00:20:50,006 --> 00:20:51,639 (all clamoring) 411 00:20:55,445 --> 00:20:57,411 - Jose: Come on, man, what are you doing? 412 00:20:57,447 --> 00:20:58,179 I want a freakin' refund or something. 413 00:20:58,214 --> 00:20:59,380 -They seem pretty worked up. 414 00:20:59,415 --> 00:21:01,482 - Yeah, if this turns into a race war, 415 00:21:01,517 --> 00:21:03,651 we'll be pulling out paperwork for a decade. 416 00:21:13,896 --> 00:21:14,896 (sighs) 417 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,000 You people... 418 00:21:20,603 --> 00:21:23,571 This is the 4th of July. This is the day we honor 419 00:21:23,606 --> 00:21:27,133 how our great nation declared its independence 420 00:21:27,169 --> 00:21:28,101 from the king of England. 421 00:21:28,136 --> 00:21:30,570 - (thud) - (all gasping) 422 00:21:30,606 --> 00:21:33,714 Do you happen to even know how George Washington 423 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:38,111 celebrated his final victory over the British at Yorktown? 424 00:21:38,146 --> 00:21:40,513 That day great day, hmm? 425 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:43,650 He issued his troops, a double ration of rum. 426 00:21:47,122 --> 00:21:49,556 Here we are. We had... 427 00:21:49,591 --> 00:21:52,659 fought this bitter war against a tyrannical foe. 428 00:21:55,631 --> 00:21:58,431 And, all we did to celebrate it, is that we drank. 429 00:21:58,467 --> 00:22:00,900 Four fingers of booze. Instead of two. 430 00:22:00,936 --> 00:22:04,671 (slurping) 431 00:22:12,072 --> 00:22:14,639 (continues slurping) 432 00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:27,585 That's about a martini and a half. 433 00:22:27,621 --> 00:22:29,621 In case you were wondering what four fingers was. 434 00:22:30,890 --> 00:22:32,457 Today... 435 00:22:32,492 --> 00:22:34,592 If a kid happens to throw his poopy diaper 436 00:22:34,628 --> 00:22:36,803 into the hamper, the parents, they go ape-shit, 437 00:22:36,838 --> 00:22:39,198 and they throw the kid a party, and give him a PlayStation. 438 00:22:39,933 --> 00:22:40,933 (mumbling) 439 00:22:44,371 --> 00:22:45,731 - Charlie: Gosh, he drinks like me. 440 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,320 (woman moaning on computer) 441 00:22:50,802 --> 00:22:51,802 Aah! 442 00:22:56,107 --> 00:22:59,508 -I don't really see... 443 00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:01,422 This issue between you people as a problem. 444 00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:04,413 I see it as an opportunity to get away 445 00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:05,735 from what the 4th of July has become. 446 00:23:05,759 --> 00:23:10,119 Which, let's face it, is just a couple of days off work 447 00:23:10,154 --> 00:23:10,662 for all the lazy people. 448 00:23:10,697 --> 00:23:17,493 We have become a nation of soft, puffy, pussy people. 449 00:23:17,528 --> 00:23:19,139 And, we have forgotten the sacrifice of those 450 00:23:19,163 --> 00:23:20,705 who have come before us. 451 00:23:20,740 --> 00:23:24,709 And, so, in my opinion, whoever wants camping site 16... 452 00:23:26,537 --> 00:23:27,823 you're gonna have to fuckin' fight for it. 453 00:23:27,847 --> 00:23:32,199 - Wait a minute, you're talking about cannons, muskets and shit? 454 00:23:32,234 --> 00:23:34,435 You're crazy. - All: Mm-hmm. 455 00:23:34,470 --> 00:23:37,338 - Hey, I am retiring in a week and a half, 456 00:23:37,373 --> 00:23:39,540 and I don't give a shit, all right? 457 00:23:39,575 --> 00:23:42,977 You don't have to use guns and knives. Just... 458 00:23:43,012 --> 00:23:43,978 Have a contest. 459 00:23:44,013 --> 00:23:46,313 Have a contest. 460 00:23:46,349 --> 00:23:48,791 Whatever family wins the contest, 461 00:23:48,826 --> 00:23:51,986 they get to kick the other two families' asses outta the park. 462 00:23:52,021 --> 00:23:53,520 How about that? 463 00:23:53,556 --> 00:23:55,731 You get no cheese with your wine around here. 464 00:23:55,767 --> 00:23:59,960 So, if I were you, I would be dedicated to gettin' it on. 465 00:23:59,996 --> 00:24:01,662 Cause it's on. 466 00:24:04,709 --> 00:24:08,569 This whole thing is a mess, and we're sorry about it. 467 00:24:08,604 --> 00:24:11,397 We were told to help out with the contest, and... 468 00:24:11,433 --> 00:24:12,684 It was the park's fault. - Well, great. 469 00:24:12,708 --> 00:24:17,270 - Wow. It's really nice that the pigs are being helpful. 470 00:24:17,305 --> 00:24:18,657 - Pardon? - Tommy: Uh, no, nothing. 471 00:24:18,681 --> 00:24:22,108 He just said that the cloud up there looks like a pig. 472 00:24:22,143 --> 00:24:23,876 -No, I didn't. I said... 473 00:24:23,912 --> 00:24:24,912 (groaning) 474 00:24:26,581 --> 00:24:28,059 - He, uh... He had a spider on his zipper there. 475 00:24:28,083 --> 00:24:29,649 -(groaning) Thanks! 476 00:24:32,253 --> 00:24:34,554 - Thanks, guys. Hey, Gravy. 477 00:24:34,589 --> 00:24:37,357 - Tony: He deserved that. - Kelly: Yeah, seriously. 478 00:24:37,392 --> 00:24:40,193 - So, we're doing this contest thing? 479 00:24:40,228 --> 00:24:41,461 -Oh, yeah, we're doing this. 480 00:24:41,496 --> 00:24:43,930 What's the matter, old man? You scared? 481 00:24:43,965 --> 00:24:46,032 -Scared? No. 482 00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:48,434 Just sad. - Oh! 483 00:24:48,470 --> 00:24:50,837 Sad for you and all these other losers. 484 00:24:50,872 --> 00:24:52,572 -Kids. 485 00:24:52,607 --> 00:24:54,410 We're marking off an area for you to play in. 486 00:24:54,434 --> 00:24:56,334 Do not leave this area for any reason. 487 00:24:56,369 --> 00:24:57,902 - What if we get hit by lightning? 488 00:24:57,937 --> 00:24:59,337 -Try not to. 489 00:24:59,372 --> 00:25:01,072 - What if we see an ice cream truck? 490 00:25:01,107 --> 00:25:03,307 - Try not to. - Dad? 491 00:25:03,343 --> 00:25:04,662 How long do we have to stay here? 492 00:25:04,686 --> 00:25:07,378 - Just while the adults are off, doing adult things. 493 00:25:07,413 --> 00:25:08,893 - Yes, I'm getting a new baby brother. 494 00:25:09,849 --> 00:25:12,249 -Uh... 495 00:25:12,285 --> 00:25:14,986 Not those kind of adult things. 496 00:25:15,021 --> 00:25:16,621 (toys squeaking) 497 00:25:16,623 --> 00:25:18,889 - Okay, kids, have fun. Hey, don't poke your eyes out. 498 00:25:18,925 --> 00:25:19,925 Peace out. 499 00:25:25,231 --> 00:25:26,231 - (whispering) Felipa: Hi. 500 00:25:28,201 --> 00:25:29,667 - (dog barks) - Oh, hmm... 501 00:25:33,715 --> 00:25:36,365 - I don't know what to say. - Well, you can usually find 502 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,809 all the right words in the courtroom. 503 00:25:38,845 --> 00:25:42,404 - I thought bringing our families together up here, would be... 504 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,274 our chance to, you know, break the news. 505 00:25:45,309 --> 00:25:46,642 - Wait... You did this on purpose? 506 00:25:49,213 --> 00:25:51,614 -Yeah, kinda, a little bit. 507 00:25:51,616 --> 00:25:53,949 I mean, it was easy 'cause our names are so similar. 508 00:25:53,985 --> 00:25:56,552 Jones. Jonas. 509 00:25:56,587 --> 00:25:58,729 I didn't expect a white Jones family to show up. 510 00:25:58,765 --> 00:26:02,257 Man, I screwed up everything. It's my fault, I'm sorry. 511 00:26:02,293 --> 00:26:06,261 - So, who is she? - Who is who? 512 00:26:06,297 --> 00:26:08,430 -You know who I'm talking about. 513 00:26:08,466 --> 00:26:10,599 - Who, Fantasia? I don't know that girl. 514 00:26:10,635 --> 00:26:13,068 - Shantaysia, why is she here? - I don't know her. 515 00:26:13,104 --> 00:26:14,670 She's my dad's idea. 516 00:26:16,566 --> 00:26:16,931 I don't... It's my first time ever seeing her. 517 00:26:16,967 --> 00:26:18,633 Stop. Come on. 518 00:26:20,236 --> 00:26:21,636 You know I love you. Stop. 519 00:26:25,208 --> 00:26:27,642 Anyway, look, I have a plan. 520 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,820 I'll make sure we win the race. 521 00:26:31,856 --> 00:26:36,417 And, then, I'll convince my dad to let you... your family stay, 522 00:26:36,453 --> 00:26:37,051 and we'll get rid of the white family. 523 00:26:37,087 --> 00:26:38,653 They'll kick rocks. 524 00:26:40,323 --> 00:26:41,889 - What if your family doesn't win? 525 00:26:41,925 --> 00:26:44,058 -Felipa... 526 00:26:44,094 --> 00:26:46,661 Stop smoking crack. 527 00:26:48,264 --> 00:26:49,664 We're black, we're gonna win. 528 00:26:50,741 --> 00:26:54,202 Mexicans are pretty athletic, too. What about like... 529 00:26:54,237 --> 00:26:56,604 Big Papi. - He's Dominican. 530 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,631 Oh, y'all gonna lose bad. Y'all gonna lose so bad. 531 00:27:00,335 --> 00:27:04,637 - (ice cream truck music playing) 532 00:27:09,577 --> 00:27:11,644 - Hey, guys, I think I hear an ice cream truck. 533 00:27:14,415 --> 00:27:16,349 - Wait, but, we can't leave this area. 534 00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:17,984 - Well, screw that, it's ice cream. 535 00:27:18,019 --> 00:27:19,652 -(all cheering) 536 00:27:27,228 --> 00:27:29,095 -Man: Look at these people. 537 00:27:29,130 --> 00:27:30,838 They're like vultures. 538 00:27:30,874 --> 00:27:34,567 - They're standing around watching us fight among ourselves. 539 00:27:34,602 --> 00:27:36,802 - Don't think they're just out here having fun? 540 00:27:36,838 --> 00:27:37,712 -No. 541 00:27:37,747 --> 00:27:41,432 This has gotten much bigger than three mad-ass families. 542 00:27:41,467 --> 00:27:44,568 - Bigger how? - Oh, you think about it, bud. 543 00:27:44,604 --> 00:27:46,804 International sports, you root for your country. 544 00:27:46,839 --> 00:27:48,405 -Yeah. 545 00:27:48,441 --> 00:27:48,806 - School sports, you root for your school. 546 00:27:48,841 --> 00:27:51,442 -Yeah. 547 00:27:51,477 --> 00:27:53,577 - These people are rooting for their race. 548 00:27:53,613 --> 00:27:57,581 - Oh, you don't know that. - Okay. Truth or dare? 549 00:27:57,617 --> 00:28:00,050 I'll answer a question, if you answer a question. 550 00:28:00,086 --> 00:28:01,151 - Okay. - Truthfully. 551 00:28:01,187 --> 00:28:02,353 - All right. - All right. 552 00:28:02,388 --> 00:28:04,521 Now, when you first drove up here, 553 00:28:04,557 --> 00:28:05,676 and you saw that there were two families here. 554 00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:09,460 Now, were you mad cause there were two families here? 555 00:28:09,495 --> 00:28:12,429 Or, were you mad cause we weren't white? 556 00:28:12,465 --> 00:28:15,532 - Yeah, well, you know... Truth be told 557 00:28:15,568 --> 00:28:17,601 when I drove up here, I was a little nervous. 558 00:28:17,637 --> 00:28:18,722 But, that's because I didn't know what to expect. 559 00:28:18,746 --> 00:28:23,131 - Well, I felt the same way. And, that's textbook racism. 560 00:28:23,167 --> 00:28:24,466 -You can't say I'm racist 561 00:28:24,501 --> 00:28:26,468 just because I didn't know what to expect. 562 00:28:26,503 --> 00:28:28,303 I've had a lot of great experiences with... 563 00:28:28,339 --> 00:28:30,539 other races, and some not so great. 564 00:28:30,574 --> 00:28:32,319 - Yeah, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. 565 00:28:32,343 --> 00:28:35,510 (stutters) You should know that... 566 00:28:35,546 --> 00:28:39,581 our family isn't anything like that at all. 567 00:28:39,617 --> 00:28:42,417 In fact, I was a total wigger back in high school. 568 00:28:42,453 --> 00:28:43,463 I had my hair braided and everything. 569 00:28:43,487 --> 00:28:45,207 You remember that? - Yeah, that was so cute. 570 00:28:46,056 --> 00:28:47,056 -What is a wigger? 571 00:28:52,429 --> 00:28:54,396 - It's just a term for a kid that's... 572 00:28:54,431 --> 00:28:57,332 trying to act tough and sound cool. 573 00:28:57,368 --> 00:28:58,834 - Well, now, that's what it means. 574 00:28:58,869 --> 00:29:00,435 But... 575 00:29:00,471 --> 00:29:03,130 What is it an acronym for? - An acronym? 576 00:29:03,166 --> 00:29:05,499 -Yeah, like the word smog. 577 00:29:05,535 --> 00:29:08,002 It's a combination of the words smoke and fog. 578 00:29:08,037 --> 00:29:09,570 That's an acronym. 579 00:29:09,606 --> 00:29:13,641 What are the words that wigger is an acronym for? 580 00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:16,685 Well, that's easy. 581 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,689 It's a... It's a combination of, a mash up, if you will, 582 00:29:22,185 --> 00:29:23,651 of (stutters) the words... 583 00:29:26,889 --> 00:29:28,022 white... 584 00:29:28,057 --> 00:29:29,657 - White. - And... 585 00:29:33,863 --> 00:29:35,830 er... 586 00:29:35,865 --> 00:29:36,865 -Okay. 587 00:29:38,501 --> 00:29:41,268 I mean, you know, you guys get hit with... 588 00:29:41,304 --> 00:29:44,271 - honky, hick, crackers, - Hey! 589 00:29:44,307 --> 00:29:46,332 - Peckerwood, redneck, - Hey! 590 00:29:46,367 --> 00:29:48,743 - White bastards, white devils. - Hey! 591 00:29:48,778 --> 00:29:52,780 - But, the "N" word, that cuts straight through the clutter. 592 00:29:52,815 --> 00:29:54,952 - Yeah, well, once you say that, it's pretty much game over. 593 00:29:54,976 --> 00:29:55,976 You're right. 594 00:29:57,545 --> 00:29:59,754 - Good going, son. Well done. - Happy to help. 595 00:29:59,789 --> 00:30:02,414 - But, I still don't agree with you these people round here 596 00:30:02,450 --> 00:30:03,985 are rooting for their own races. - Hey! 597 00:30:04,009 --> 00:30:06,652 (speaking Spanish) 598 00:30:09,190 --> 00:30:10,190 -Jose: We got this, baby. 599 00:30:11,626 --> 00:30:13,170 Black and white going down like a knocked-out zebra. 600 00:30:13,194 --> 00:30:15,327 Yeah, maybe you're right. 601 00:30:15,363 --> 00:30:16,406 - (ice cream truck music playing) 602 00:30:16,430 --> 00:30:18,008 - Boy: I hear it, I hear it. Ice cream. 603 00:30:18,032 --> 00:30:19,665 -(all screaming) 604 00:30:24,038 --> 00:30:25,680 -Boy: Ice cream! 605 00:30:25,715 --> 00:30:30,200 - Hey, sorry I'm late. - Hey, Franklin. All right. Mmm. 606 00:30:30,235 --> 00:30:32,369 You know, I love that look... 607 00:30:32,404 --> 00:30:34,171 That gleam of victory in your eyes. 608 00:30:34,206 --> 00:30:36,473 -Yeah, we about to win, Pop. 609 00:30:36,508 --> 00:30:36,682 And, we gonna kick a family up outta here. 610 00:30:36,717 --> 00:30:40,686 - Oh, yes. That's right. You know... Where's Shantaysia? 611 00:30:40,721 --> 00:30:44,657 Shantaysia... (stutters) You know that old Franklin here 612 00:30:44,692 --> 00:30:49,553 was a track star in high school. Shantaysia, come on. 613 00:30:49,588 --> 00:30:53,390 - One time, I ate 37 eggs in six minutes, come on. 614 00:30:53,425 --> 00:30:55,592 I mean that's impossible, you know. 615 00:30:55,628 --> 00:30:56,780 You proud of me, Daddy? You gonna brag about that? 616 00:30:56,804 --> 00:30:59,705 - Proud of you, son. Not as proud as I am of Franklin here. 617 00:31:01,367 --> 00:31:03,400 - Ron Ron: What? - That was a joke. 618 00:31:03,435 --> 00:31:05,836 - He's messing with you. - Shitty joke. 619 00:31:05,871 --> 00:31:07,771 -What? 620 00:31:07,806 --> 00:31:11,367 - I said Keko's titty is broke. - Yeah, I thought you said that. 621 00:31:11,402 --> 00:31:13,644 - Let's do this. - Uh, you know what... 622 00:31:13,679 --> 00:31:15,950 Y'all enjoy your pissing contest but I'm outta here. 623 00:31:15,974 --> 00:31:17,306 -You wanna go? 624 00:31:17,342 --> 00:31:19,041 - Yeah, I wanna go find Shantaysia. 625 00:31:19,077 --> 00:31:19,716 -Both: Keko, Felipa. 626 00:31:19,752 --> 00:31:23,946 - This is our contest pick and it's called the Potty Carry. 627 00:31:23,982 --> 00:31:25,348 That's right. 628 00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:28,150 One person goes inside of each one 629 00:31:28,186 --> 00:31:30,152 and the rest of us carry. 630 00:31:30,188 --> 00:31:31,420 And, the winner is the one 631 00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:34,390 who gets across that finish line first. 632 00:31:34,425 --> 00:31:36,592 - That finish line is pretty far, man. 633 00:31:36,628 --> 00:31:38,472 - Dude, don't sweat it, man. We totally got this. 634 00:31:38,496 --> 00:31:39,907 Mexicans are gonna take this hands down. 635 00:31:39,931 --> 00:31:41,738 Hey, Papi. 636 00:31:41,774 --> 00:31:44,055 Papi, we're about to start the race, you gonna come cheer? 637 00:31:46,204 --> 00:31:48,270 -Does your dad ever smile? 638 00:31:48,306 --> 00:31:49,797 - No. - You mean, "Darth Valdez"? 639 00:31:49,832 --> 00:31:51,332 -Huh. 640 00:31:51,367 --> 00:31:53,601 - Does he even know what a smile is? 641 00:31:53,603 --> 00:31:55,480 - I bet you, he can't say the word "Chuck E. Cheese." 642 00:31:55,504 --> 00:31:57,713 Bet you his face makes him stop at "Chuck." 643 00:31:57,749 --> 00:32:01,342 - He'd probably need a fake ID just to buy a "Happy Meal." 644 00:32:01,377 --> 00:32:03,477 - Jose: Wow. That's good. All right. 645 00:32:03,512 --> 00:32:04,765 All right. That's pretty funny, but, uh... 646 00:32:04,789 --> 00:32:07,690 You know, he's still my dad, so could you cut it out, please. 647 00:32:07,725 --> 00:32:09,737 - Well, you know, come on, let's space these potties out, 648 00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:12,662 and get the race started. I mean, we're standing around... 649 00:32:12,697 --> 00:32:15,322 Let me just drag this one. Get outta the way, would ya? 650 00:32:15,358 --> 00:32:17,591 Okay. So, I'll just take this one. 651 00:32:17,627 --> 00:32:19,593 - Are you sure, Dad? These things are kinda heavy. 652 00:32:19,629 --> 00:32:20,848 - Charlie, I've been a fireman for years, you know. 653 00:32:20,872 --> 00:32:25,399 I've rescued babies from windows and fiery buildings, you know. 654 00:32:25,434 --> 00:32:27,267 Come on. Come on, put this on my back. 655 00:32:27,303 --> 00:32:29,403 - I guess. - Come on, let's go. 656 00:32:29,438 --> 00:32:31,078 This is... I can just... I got this. 657 00:32:34,935 --> 00:32:36,468 -(screaming) 658 00:32:36,503 --> 00:32:39,538 Charlie, get it off of me. Get it off of me. 659 00:32:39,573 --> 00:32:41,640 - (all clamoring) - We got this. We got this, Dad. 660 00:32:44,912 --> 00:32:46,645 (groaning) 661 00:32:49,283 --> 00:32:51,249 -Yeah, maybe we should slide it. 662 00:32:51,285 --> 00:32:52,651 -(ice cream truck music playing) 663 00:32:55,022 --> 00:32:56,655 -(all screaming) 664 00:33:05,499 --> 00:33:07,666 - I don't like this. I'm having a bad day. 665 00:33:09,336 --> 00:33:12,630 I hate kids. You ruined my life. 666 00:33:14,067 --> 00:33:15,067 -(tires screeching) 667 00:33:19,272 --> 00:33:20,416 - Ron Ron: The main problem is 668 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,306 is getting this potty over the ravine. 669 00:33:22,342 --> 00:33:24,909 But, luckily, Ron Ron got an idea. 670 00:33:24,944 --> 00:33:25,651 -Pops: What? 671 00:33:25,686 --> 00:33:29,447 - All we need to do is swing this potty by using rope. 672 00:33:29,482 --> 00:33:30,734 We need to put the rope through a hitch, 673 00:33:30,758 --> 00:33:34,552 on top of the potty and, then, toss the rope on branches. 674 00:33:34,587 --> 00:33:36,231 And, then, we swing the potty over the ravine. 675 00:33:36,255 --> 00:33:39,590 Come on. - That's a good idea. 676 00:33:39,626 --> 00:33:42,326 We gotta get some rope. - Oh, Daddy, look at this. 677 00:33:42,362 --> 00:33:43,094 I already got it. Taken care of. 678 00:33:43,129 --> 00:33:44,495 - Look at that. - Crap. 679 00:33:44,530 --> 00:33:45,808 - Guess I'm smarter than Franklin now, right? 680 00:33:45,832 --> 00:33:48,532 -No. 681 00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:49,367 - He's right, man. Rope's gonna make it easier. 682 00:33:49,402 --> 00:33:51,202 - Sharni, get a rope. - Okay, got it. 683 00:33:51,237 --> 00:33:53,404 - Dad. - We're ready to go. 684 00:33:53,439 --> 00:33:54,450 - We can't wait. - No, no, don't start. 685 00:33:54,474 --> 00:33:56,276 - Come on, let's get started. - Wait, wait. 686 00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:57,132 - Wait, wait. - Get on your marks, 687 00:33:57,168 --> 00:33:59,368 get set, go! - Wait, wait. 688 00:33:59,403 --> 00:34:01,679 Oh, come on. - (dramatic music playing) 689 00:34:01,714 --> 00:34:04,607 - Jose: Uh-uh, keep dreamin' Blondie, that rope is mine. 690 00:34:04,609 --> 00:34:06,729 - Sharni: No, I saw it first. - Jose: Hello, open up. 691 00:34:08,346 --> 00:34:09,556 We wanna borrow your clothes line. 692 00:34:09,580 --> 00:34:12,014 - This is kinda cute. - Open up. We wanna borrow... 693 00:34:12,049 --> 00:34:13,282 your clothes line. 694 00:34:13,317 --> 00:34:14,361 - Yeah, you know, keep knocking. 695 00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:16,385 People love Mexicans at their door. 696 00:34:16,420 --> 00:34:17,831 - Ha-ha, really funny, "Blow White." 697 00:34:17,855 --> 00:34:20,623 Hello. 698 00:34:20,625 --> 00:34:22,745 Gonna see how much you laugh when the rope is mine. 699 00:34:23,394 --> 00:34:25,494 - Hey, what are you doing up there? 700 00:34:25,529 --> 00:34:27,663 - Getting this damn clothes line. - Oh, shit. 701 00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:34,070 -(Jose screaming) 702 00:34:36,173 --> 00:34:37,173 (Jose's screams echoing) 703 00:34:38,100 --> 00:34:40,334 -Tommy: I don't know. 704 00:34:40,369 --> 00:34:44,680 - (cursing and groaning in Spanish) 705 00:34:44,715 --> 00:34:47,007 - Sharni: Come this way. - Tommy: What the hell was that? 706 00:34:47,042 --> 00:34:48,042 -(Jose shrieking) 707 00:34:49,144 --> 00:34:50,644 (Jose speaking Spanish) 708 00:34:52,414 --> 00:34:53,974 - Franklin: Hey, where did everybody go? 709 00:34:54,817 --> 00:34:55,817 Pop? 710 00:34:56,885 --> 00:34:57,885 Ron Ron? 711 00:34:58,954 --> 00:35:01,622 Did we win? 712 00:35:01,624 --> 00:35:04,124 - Sharni: Come on, come on. - (Jose speaking Spanish) 713 00:35:04,159 --> 00:35:05,359 -Charlie: What happened? 714 00:35:05,394 --> 00:35:07,160 - He has a TV antenna stuck in him. 715 00:35:07,196 --> 00:35:09,496 - Where? - (Jose groaning) 716 00:35:09,531 --> 00:35:11,242 - Tommy: We need to take him to a hospital. 717 00:35:11,266 --> 00:35:12,432 -All right, let's use my car. 718 00:35:12,468 --> 00:35:14,228 - Wait, wait, we're gonna get him in that? 719 00:35:16,005 --> 00:35:17,005 -Sharni: Here. 720 00:35:19,533 --> 00:35:21,411 - (shrieking) What in the hell are you doing? 721 00:35:21,435 --> 00:35:22,334 - Bactine. It stings like a bitch, but... 722 00:35:22,369 --> 00:35:25,270 - (cursing and groaning in Spanish) 723 00:35:25,305 --> 00:35:26,972 - No! No more, you fucking idiot. 724 00:35:27,007 --> 00:35:29,474 -(all clamoring) 725 00:35:29,509 --> 00:35:31,643 - Charlie: Everybody, stop! - (Jose gasping) 726 00:35:33,213 --> 00:35:34,346 -Do you get the NFL package? 727 00:35:34,381 --> 00:35:37,582 - (cursing and groaning in Spanish) 728 00:35:37,618 --> 00:35:39,295 - Tommy: We're not gonna get him in that pussy car. 729 00:35:39,319 --> 00:35:40,652 - Let's get him in Franklin's car. 730 00:35:42,556 --> 00:35:44,133 - Charlie: I'm right here. - Sharni: Come on. 731 00:35:44,157 --> 00:35:46,558 You got it. You got it. 732 00:35:46,593 --> 00:35:49,361 - Tommy: Put him inside. - Charlie: There you go. 733 00:35:49,396 --> 00:35:50,295 Let's give him a push. - All right. 734 00:35:50,330 --> 00:35:52,263 - All: One, two... - Jose: No... 735 00:35:52,299 --> 00:35:53,665 - All: three. - (Jose shrieking) 736 00:35:56,036 --> 00:35:58,169 (Jose screaming) 737 00:35:58,205 --> 00:35:59,170 -That went horribly wrong. 738 00:35:59,206 --> 00:36:01,432 -Tommy: Yeah, hang tight. 739 00:36:01,467 --> 00:36:02,978 - Okay, okay. Let's go. Come on. Vamanos. 740 00:36:03,002 --> 00:36:04,635 -(all clamoring) 741 00:36:06,038 --> 00:36:07,638 -(Jose screaming) 742 00:36:13,512 --> 00:36:15,123 - So, are you doing number one or number two? 743 00:36:15,147 --> 00:36:17,072 -What? Go get an adult. 744 00:36:17,107 --> 00:36:18,616 -You look like a pinata. 745 00:36:18,618 --> 00:36:20,329 - And, you look the first person's ass I'm gonna beat 746 00:36:20,353 --> 00:36:21,693 if you don't go and get an adult. 747 00:36:21,728 --> 00:36:23,673 - I didn't say you were one, I said you looked like one. 748 00:36:23,697 --> 00:36:27,157 - Oh, I'mma beat you so bad and you're not even my kid. 749 00:36:27,193 --> 00:36:29,426 -Woah, take it easy, perv. 750 00:36:29,462 --> 00:36:31,261 - I thought you kids were on lock down. 751 00:36:31,297 --> 00:36:33,564 How did you get outta your area? 752 00:36:33,599 --> 00:36:35,477 - You didn't answer me. Number one or number two? 753 00:36:35,501 --> 00:36:38,168 - Why you wanna know? Chuckie, that's nasty. 754 00:36:38,204 --> 00:36:40,104 Get an adult, I could die. 755 00:36:40,139 --> 00:36:41,238 - No, no. - Okay, yeah. 756 00:36:41,273 --> 00:36:45,500 -Please, this is not a drill. 757 00:36:45,536 --> 00:36:46,655 This is a "code red." You know a "code red.".. 758 00:36:46,679 --> 00:36:49,504 Oh, y'all went to public school. Y'all know nothing. 759 00:36:49,540 --> 00:36:53,642 Oh, my God. I hate kids. And, I hate camping. 760 00:37:04,697 --> 00:37:06,897 - Rolando: Hey guys, quick. Come say hi to Mom. Come on. 761 00:37:09,226 --> 00:37:11,059 - All: Hey, Mom. - Cheese. 762 00:37:11,095 --> 00:37:12,661 -Yo. Yep, I'm good. 763 00:37:16,033 --> 00:37:17,666 Yo, I got lucky. 764 00:37:19,236 --> 00:37:20,669 It was tough, but I'm good. 765 00:37:24,833 --> 00:37:27,601 Hey... 766 00:37:27,603 --> 00:37:29,643 Doctor said my love handles are like a teenager's. 767 00:37:35,210 --> 00:37:37,377 Yeah, don't worry about it. 768 00:37:37,412 --> 00:37:38,932 Just gonna be here by myself, you know. 769 00:37:41,116 --> 00:37:42,116 No family to talk to. 770 00:37:46,321 --> 00:37:47,601 - Something to think about, Mijo. 771 00:37:57,499 --> 00:38:00,333 - Felipa: Okay. - Aunt Felipa, I can't move. 772 00:38:00,369 --> 00:38:02,669 - Yes, but you're safe. Have fun. 773 00:38:04,172 --> 00:38:08,467 - Mind if I sit. - Sure. 774 00:38:08,502 --> 00:38:10,636 - It's a pretty mantis. - I'm gonna kill him. 775 00:38:13,341 --> 00:38:14,741 - You know, the kids don't see race. 776 00:38:15,610 --> 00:38:17,770 - It's true. Seems they learn it from the adults. 777 00:38:19,213 --> 00:38:21,513 Kids can be a handful, man. 778 00:38:21,549 --> 00:38:22,834 I used to think that I wanted a bunch of them, 779 00:38:22,858 --> 00:38:25,692 but after this weekend, I think I'm just gonna get another cat. 780 00:38:27,121 --> 00:38:28,121 -Boy: Hey where is it? 781 00:38:29,523 --> 00:38:30,534 - Girl: It's right there, it's just moving. 782 00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:32,458 - Felipa: Now, that's a... It's a praying... 783 00:38:32,493 --> 00:38:34,668 It's just a gross bug. Just put it down. 784 00:38:34,703 --> 00:38:37,229 Oh, you know, I've actually been meaning to tell you, 785 00:38:37,264 --> 00:38:38,130 that I really like your hair. 786 00:38:38,165 --> 00:38:41,266 -Thanks, I do it myself. 787 00:38:41,302 --> 00:38:42,542 - Really? - I have my own salon. 788 00:38:43,104 --> 00:38:44,778 -That's super cool. 789 00:38:44,813 --> 00:38:49,099 Didn't I hear Charlie saying that he has his own salon, too. 790 00:38:49,134 --> 00:38:50,801 -Not a salon, a saloon. 791 00:38:50,836 --> 00:38:52,469 -Okay. 792 00:38:52,504 --> 00:38:53,757 - I drove with him to the vet the other night. 793 00:38:53,781 --> 00:38:57,107 He had a dog under each arm, giving them both mouth-to-mouth. 794 00:38:57,142 --> 00:38:59,343 He's got a lot of heart. 795 00:38:59,378 --> 00:39:02,446 - Yeah, and dog breath, sounds like. 796 00:39:02,481 --> 00:39:04,381 Did any of the dogs get a contact drunk? 797 00:39:04,416 --> 00:39:06,216 - Yeah, I think the dogs were wondering 798 00:39:06,251 --> 00:39:07,451 why I kept checking their IDs. 799 00:39:12,700 --> 00:39:16,293 You know, he's a good guy. - Yeah, and cute too, right? 800 00:39:16,328 --> 00:39:19,596 - Yeah, he is kinda cute. - Yeah. 801 00:39:19,632 --> 00:39:22,366 - Super cute. Like I would. - I think I would, too. 802 00:39:22,401 --> 00:39:24,134 - Seriously, he's a bit of a charmer 803 00:39:24,169 --> 00:39:25,369 and girls love bad boys. 804 00:39:25,404 --> 00:39:27,337 - I think he knows he has a problem. 805 00:39:27,373 --> 00:39:30,532 I don't drink. I never have, but... 806 00:39:30,567 --> 00:39:33,501 My dad was an alcoholic, so, I know the signs. 807 00:39:33,537 --> 00:39:35,537 - Boy: I really wanna kill it. - Just kill it. 808 00:39:35,572 --> 00:39:39,074 - No, it's one of God's creatures, don't kill it. 809 00:39:39,109 --> 00:39:40,109 Right? Don't kill it. 810 00:39:42,079 --> 00:39:44,579 -So, how about you? 811 00:39:44,615 --> 00:39:46,159 Do you work at the courthouse back in the city? 812 00:39:46,183 --> 00:39:48,350 -Yeah, I'm a stenographer. 813 00:39:48,385 --> 00:39:50,051 - Franklin works in the DA's office. 814 00:39:50,087 --> 00:39:51,353 - Does he? - Yeah. 815 00:39:51,388 --> 00:39:52,532 Do you ever see him around there? 816 00:39:52,556 --> 00:39:54,656 Uh... Now that you... I think I have. Mm-hmm. 817 00:39:57,027 --> 00:39:58,769 Not that often. 818 00:39:58,804 --> 00:40:02,297 - You know, I've been meaning to tell you, I'm not here to... 819 00:40:02,332 --> 00:40:04,032 - (girl screaming) - Oh, my God. 820 00:40:04,067 --> 00:40:06,935 -(girls screaming) 821 00:40:06,970 --> 00:40:09,437 -Oh, my God. 822 00:40:09,473 --> 00:40:10,993 Should I buy a tabby or a Siamese cat? 823 00:40:13,034 --> 00:40:15,234 -Okay, cabrones. 824 00:40:15,270 --> 00:40:17,070 Our pick. The eating contest. 825 00:40:17,105 --> 00:40:18,972 -Yeah, but not food... 826 00:40:19,007 --> 00:40:21,007 Habaneros, baby. 827 00:40:21,042 --> 00:40:22,575 Hot peppers, bro. 828 00:40:22,611 --> 00:40:25,178 You gotta eat as many as you can in three minutes. 829 00:40:25,213 --> 00:40:26,290 And Habaneros... (chuckles) 830 00:40:26,314 --> 00:40:27,814 Habaneros are the Devil's food. 831 00:40:27,849 --> 00:40:29,115 -Yup. 832 00:40:29,150 --> 00:40:31,451 -They can't be that bad. 833 00:40:31,486 --> 00:40:33,164 - Oh, you're about to find out. (chuckles) 834 00:40:33,188 --> 00:40:34,587 -Can I eat for the family? 835 00:40:34,623 --> 00:40:37,290 - Yeah, Gravy, you can eat for the family for sure. 836 00:40:37,325 --> 00:40:39,425 - 'Cause Habaneros are organic, 837 00:40:39,461 --> 00:40:43,563 and I do non-pharmaceuticals really well. 838 00:40:43,598 --> 00:40:44,842 Yeah. Like, one time I got lost in the desert. 839 00:40:44,866 --> 00:40:46,432 Yeah. 840 00:40:46,468 --> 00:40:49,002 I had to eat 67 mushrooms to survive. 841 00:40:49,037 --> 00:40:50,037 -Caps and stems? 842 00:40:50,071 --> 00:40:51,204 -The whole thing. 843 00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,433 I hallucinated for 15 days. 844 00:40:54,468 --> 00:40:56,279 My diarrhea tasted like honey. - All: Ugh! 845 00:40:56,303 --> 00:40:58,370 - Tommy: That's beautiful, Gravy. 846 00:40:58,405 --> 00:41:00,505 - That's your son-in-law? - Yep. Uh... 847 00:41:00,541 --> 00:41:02,085 - Your brother-in-law? - Yes, my brother-in-law. 848 00:41:02,109 --> 00:41:03,842 -That's your brother. 849 00:41:03,877 --> 00:41:04,884 -In-law. 850 00:41:04,919 --> 00:41:07,846 - You said that like you might have seen him naked or something. 851 00:41:07,881 --> 00:41:09,281 (laughs) 852 00:41:09,316 --> 00:41:10,248 - All right, fool, I got this. 853 00:41:10,284 --> 00:41:11,724 - No, clown, I love Habaneros. 854 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:13,804 - What are you talking about? Who you calling a clown, man? 855 00:41:13,828 --> 00:41:15,799 I can eat so many more Habaneros than you, I always have. 856 00:41:15,823 --> 00:41:18,023 -No. 857 00:41:18,058 --> 00:41:19,925 (speaking Spanish) 858 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:20,960 -You, papi? 859 00:41:20,995 --> 00:41:22,995 -What, he's... 860 00:41:23,030 --> 00:41:24,363 resurrected. 861 00:41:24,398 --> 00:41:25,958 - It's like it's Easter or something. 862 00:41:27,501 --> 00:41:30,202 - I've been eating Habaneros for 65 years. 863 00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:32,537 I will win for the familia. 864 00:41:32,573 --> 00:41:35,265 Mira. This is what I have been whittling. Huh? 865 00:41:35,300 --> 00:41:37,934 Ocho! (whistles) (speaks Spanish) 866 00:41:37,970 --> 00:41:40,370 For cervezas. 867 00:41:40,405 --> 00:41:44,975 Ocho is now an official St. Bernardo. 868 00:41:45,010 --> 00:41:46,176 (laughing) Whoo! 869 00:41:46,211 --> 00:41:47,322 - Papi made a joke. - Yeah. 870 00:41:47,346 --> 00:41:50,313 - Habaneros are nothing to Mexicans. 871 00:41:50,349 --> 00:41:52,949 We put hot sauce on our hot sauce. 872 00:41:52,985 --> 00:41:55,418 (all laughing) 873 00:41:55,454 --> 00:41:57,187 - He made another joke. - That's awesome. 874 00:41:57,222 --> 00:41:59,456 - I'm ready. Let's do this. 875 00:41:59,491 --> 00:42:02,058 - All right, pendejos, the timer is set. 876 00:42:02,094 --> 00:42:05,228 Three, two, one, go! 877 00:42:05,263 --> 00:42:06,423 (all shouting encouragements) 878 00:42:20,036 --> 00:42:21,636 (clamor continues) 879 00:42:32,616 --> 00:42:36,117 - There's something going on in my fucking mouth. 880 00:42:36,152 --> 00:42:38,486 (speaking indistinctly) 881 00:42:38,521 --> 00:42:42,316 - Do men... Do you think men ever get like 882 00:42:42,351 --> 00:42:46,053 a POV of themselves and just go... 883 00:42:46,088 --> 00:42:47,088 "We're really stupid"? 884 00:42:48,064 --> 00:42:49,623 (clamor continues) 885 00:42:51,935 --> 00:42:53,067 (yelling) 886 00:42:53,103 --> 00:42:54,669 (indistinct clamor) 887 00:42:56,899 --> 00:42:58,632 - Oh! - Oh! 888 00:43:01,937 --> 00:43:02,970 (screaming) 889 00:43:03,005 --> 00:43:04,638 (scream echoing) 890 00:43:10,546 --> 00:43:13,113 - May the Devil use your backbone as a trellis, 891 00:43:13,148 --> 00:43:15,482 to pick apples in Hell. 892 00:43:15,517 --> 00:43:19,620 To you, Mr. DiMaggio, and to you, Dr. Freud. 893 00:43:19,622 --> 00:43:21,166 - Shantaysia: If you don't know where you're going, 894 00:43:21,190 --> 00:43:22,230 there are plenty of roads. 895 00:43:28,497 --> 00:43:31,264 - Okay. So, she's not just crazy beautiful, 896 00:43:31,300 --> 00:43:33,100 she's actually smart enough to 897 00:43:33,135 --> 00:43:35,502 see right through me. 898 00:43:35,537 --> 00:43:37,123 - You need to look past the train-wreck he is 899 00:43:37,147 --> 00:43:40,332 and see the man that was crying when he thought the doggies wouldn't make it. 900 00:43:40,367 --> 00:43:41,807 - Okay, that's a... That's a turnoff. 901 00:43:42,536 --> 00:43:45,337 May I just say I'm not usually the crying type. 902 00:43:45,372 --> 00:43:46,237 - I thought it was sweet, you know, 903 00:43:46,273 --> 00:43:48,682 you crying like a little sissy. 904 00:43:48,717 --> 00:43:53,178 - I cried, because when I was giving them mouth to snout, 905 00:43:53,213 --> 00:43:54,721 Ocho slipped me some tongue. 906 00:43:54,757 --> 00:44:00,285 I-I-I-I-I can still taste the, ugh, the lamb and carrots. 907 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,663 Okay, okay. Let's... Let's recap. 908 00:44:02,698 --> 00:44:06,524 I know I come off like a... Like a bit of a tough guy, 909 00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,661 but I do cry when I see that doggies are hurt, 910 00:44:11,164 --> 00:44:12,097 and you're half naked... 911 00:44:12,132 --> 00:44:13,898 I'm sorry about that. 912 00:44:13,934 --> 00:44:14,934 -Are you? 913 00:44:16,937 --> 00:44:17,937 -Oh, shit. 914 00:44:19,373 --> 00:44:21,064 Don't move. That's a coral snake. 915 00:44:21,099 --> 00:44:23,366 You'll be totally safe 916 00:44:23,401 --> 00:44:25,368 if you stand there, just like that, 917 00:44:25,403 --> 00:44:26,923 back lit by the sun, looking perfect. 918 00:44:30,075 --> 00:44:32,041 Damn it! You moved! 919 00:44:32,077 --> 00:44:33,509 Now you look awful. 920 00:44:33,545 --> 00:44:35,305 You went from looking like a goddess, to a... 921 00:44:36,181 --> 00:44:37,647 To a favela in a bikini. 922 00:44:39,117 --> 00:44:40,117 -What are we gonna do? 923 00:44:42,087 --> 00:44:45,555 -If we meld as one, 924 00:44:45,590 --> 00:44:47,510 it'll see us as a much larger and greater threat, 925 00:44:48,326 --> 00:44:50,660 and then slither away sheepishly. 926 00:44:52,197 --> 00:44:54,664 So, this is us... melding. 927 00:44:55,967 --> 00:44:56,933 Here we go. 928 00:44:56,968 --> 00:44:58,001 -Whoa, whoa. 929 00:44:58,036 --> 00:45:00,637 In chapter seven 930 00:45:00,639 --> 00:45:02,583 in one of the most brilliant novels I've ever read, 931 00:45:02,607 --> 00:45:04,527 the main character finds a coral snake in a barn. 932 00:45:05,602 --> 00:45:07,179 Roger tells her, "Red over yellow kills a fellow. 933 00:45:07,203 --> 00:45:09,537 Red over black, venom lack." 934 00:45:09,572 --> 00:45:10,816 So our little friend over there isn't poisonous. 935 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,006 -Wow. 936 00:45:12,041 --> 00:45:12,840 You read my novel? 937 00:45:12,875 --> 00:45:14,375 -Twice. 938 00:45:14,410 --> 00:45:16,010 - (sighs) So I guess you know what a... 939 00:45:16,045 --> 00:45:18,145 What a clich I am. 940 00:45:18,181 --> 00:45:19,313 -Oh, a writer who drinks. 941 00:45:19,349 --> 00:45:21,382 - You forgot to mention "tortured." 942 00:45:21,417 --> 00:45:24,118 - And I left out "scared and insecure." 943 00:45:24,153 --> 00:45:25,987 -Aha! Well, perhaps that 944 00:45:26,022 --> 00:45:28,189 is why I drink. 945 00:45:28,224 --> 00:45:30,033 -But we never see you drink, 946 00:45:30,068 --> 00:45:32,271 because we're always distracted by the things you're pointing to, you know? 947 00:45:32,295 --> 00:45:35,329 Justin Bieber, dumpster fires, 948 00:45:35,365 --> 00:45:36,542 twenty-four hour Popeye's Chicken... 949 00:45:36,566 --> 00:45:41,002 - The really tall midget enlightened trucker... 950 00:45:41,037 --> 00:45:42,236 Silent bagpipes, 951 00:45:42,271 --> 00:45:45,198 Pete Best, Blockbuster Video. 952 00:45:45,233 --> 00:45:46,099 -The cast of "Breakfast Club," 953 00:45:46,134 --> 00:45:48,368 and one of my favorites, 954 00:45:48,403 --> 00:45:49,843 "That cloud looks like a drag queen." 955 00:45:51,340 --> 00:45:52,550 Let me see if I got this straight. 956 00:45:52,574 --> 00:45:55,308 You wrote one novel, got lots of critical praise, 957 00:45:55,344 --> 00:45:56,704 then you finished? What happened? 958 00:46:00,015 --> 00:46:02,315 -Wait a second. 959 00:46:02,351 --> 00:46:04,651 Is that Charlie Jones over there? 960 00:46:06,254 --> 00:46:08,054 Behind that empty typewriter? 961 00:46:08,090 --> 00:46:10,857 Frozen, hammered... 962 00:46:10,892 --> 00:46:12,959 Alone... 963 00:46:12,995 --> 00:46:14,628 -No, it isn't. 964 00:46:14,630 --> 00:46:17,130 I guess if my head was filled with that kind of crap, 965 00:46:17,165 --> 00:46:17,931 I'd probably drink, too. 966 00:46:17,966 --> 00:46:20,266 But I don't. 967 00:46:20,302 --> 00:46:21,542 So good luck with your travels. 968 00:46:23,338 --> 00:46:26,130 - (stutters) Wait. What if I... 969 00:46:26,166 --> 00:46:27,632 What if... I didn't drink? 970 00:46:30,170 --> 00:46:31,170 I guess we'll never know. 971 00:46:32,472 --> 00:46:34,072 But I do know you are a brilliant writer. 972 00:46:50,357 --> 00:46:52,657 - I swear, that was not me peeing. 973 00:47:07,574 --> 00:47:09,009 - Last one to drop their hand off the car wins. 974 00:47:09,033 --> 00:47:10,866 -Ocho. (whistles) 975 00:47:10,902 --> 00:47:11,902 (barking) 976 00:47:14,872 --> 00:47:15,872 Gracias. 977 00:47:18,576 --> 00:47:20,643 - Uncle Gravy saw some bad boys right over there. 978 00:47:21,913 --> 00:47:23,312 Oh, yeah. 979 00:47:23,348 --> 00:47:26,082 Yeah, you gotta be real careful. 980 00:47:26,117 --> 00:47:27,117 They got 10,000 eyes. 981 00:47:29,153 --> 00:47:31,087 Kind of like my ex-wife. 982 00:47:31,122 --> 00:47:32,080 -Are you gonna do it? 983 00:47:32,115 --> 00:47:33,656 -It's been a long time. 984 00:47:34,959 --> 00:47:36,151 I'm scared. 985 00:47:36,186 --> 00:47:37,306 -Do it. You won't. No balls. 986 00:47:37,929 --> 00:47:39,662 -No balls? 987 00:47:43,034 --> 00:47:44,066 (insect buzzes) 988 00:47:44,102 --> 00:47:46,102 (laughs maniacally) 989 00:47:46,137 --> 00:47:48,170 -I got him! I got him! 990 00:47:48,206 --> 00:47:49,206 I gotcha! You're gonna... 991 00:47:49,833 --> 00:47:52,334 -Ahem! 992 00:47:52,369 --> 00:47:53,809 - Oh, yeah. I need one of your hairs. 993 00:47:55,339 --> 00:47:57,872 You're ready for your little leash? 994 00:47:57,908 --> 00:47:58,908 (laughing) 995 00:48:01,311 --> 00:48:03,011 - Que Paso, little flower? Yes? 996 00:48:03,046 --> 00:48:05,013 -Dad, what's sex? 997 00:48:05,048 --> 00:48:06,048 (awkward laughter) 998 00:48:08,285 --> 00:48:09,462 - Have fun with that one, Dad. 999 00:48:09,486 --> 00:48:11,319 Listen up. He's got a lot of good advice. 1000 00:48:11,355 --> 00:48:14,322 - Yeah, Felipa. Thank you very much. 1001 00:48:14,358 --> 00:48:15,991 - What's sex? Huh? Tell her, Dad. 1002 00:48:16,026 --> 00:48:17,026 -Let's hear it. 1003 00:48:18,161 --> 00:48:19,928 - Excuse me. Thank you. 1004 00:48:19,963 --> 00:48:22,263 Um... Uh... 1005 00:48:22,299 --> 00:48:24,165 Sex is like, like... It's... 1006 00:48:24,201 --> 00:48:26,568 It's when you hug someone. 1007 00:48:26,603 --> 00:48:28,514 - Come on, brother, that's it? - Hug real tight. 1008 00:48:28,538 --> 00:48:31,130 - So, wait. So I've had sex with my grandpa. 1009 00:48:31,166 --> 00:48:32,865 -I wouldn't be surprised. 1010 00:48:32,901 --> 00:48:33,901 (laughter) 1011 00:48:34,836 --> 00:48:37,337 -Okay. 1012 00:48:37,372 --> 00:48:38,812 Well, I... I guess you're old enough. 1013 00:48:41,276 --> 00:48:44,644 Sex is when Mommy and Daddy... 1014 00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:47,513 uh, hug. 1015 00:48:47,549 --> 00:48:51,517 (stammers) And we don't have any clothes on. 1016 00:48:51,553 --> 00:48:53,586 - Well, you better get naked and start hugging, 1017 00:48:53,622 --> 00:48:56,956 'cause they said dinner will be ready in two secs. 1018 00:48:56,992 --> 00:48:57,992 (all laughing) 1019 00:49:00,929 --> 00:49:03,296 -Yes! Yes! 1020 00:49:03,331 --> 00:49:06,499 Dinner will be ready in two secs! 1021 00:49:06,534 --> 00:49:08,434 - Tommy: He's my son and I love him, but... 1022 00:49:08,470 --> 00:49:10,745 You know, you hate to see 'em struggle. 1023 00:49:10,781 --> 00:49:14,641 This thing that he's struggling with, has this, uh... 1024 00:49:14,676 --> 00:49:17,068 Has this got anything to do with why he's not married 1025 00:49:17,103 --> 00:49:19,804 and not settled down? 1026 00:49:19,839 --> 00:49:21,339 -Yeah. 1027 00:49:21,374 --> 00:49:23,574 Well, hopefully he'll figure it out. 1028 00:49:23,610 --> 00:49:25,643 We got a guy coming up that's gonna help with that. 1029 00:49:26,813 --> 00:49:28,646 -Oh! 1030 00:49:29,916 --> 00:49:32,016 I get it. 1031 00:49:32,051 --> 00:49:33,985 - You do? - Yeah. 1032 00:49:34,020 --> 00:49:35,186 Hey, it's fine. 1033 00:49:35,221 --> 00:49:38,022 I mean, every family has got 1034 00:49:38,057 --> 00:49:39,057 someone who is... 1035 00:49:39,993 --> 00:49:41,392 different. 1036 00:49:41,427 --> 00:49:43,461 I mean, and you're fine with it, right? 1037 00:49:43,496 --> 00:49:45,136 You've probably seen a whole lot of stuff. 1038 00:49:45,164 --> 00:49:46,164 -I used to be a fireman. 1039 00:49:48,267 --> 00:49:49,200 Drinking got the best of me. 1040 00:49:49,235 --> 00:49:50,355 I couldn't control it, so... 1041 00:49:52,071 --> 00:49:53,071 they fired me. 1042 00:49:54,132 --> 00:49:55,098 (sighs) Tried the Bible. 1043 00:49:55,133 --> 00:49:57,067 Jim Beam vs. John 3:10. 1044 00:49:57,102 --> 00:49:58,935 That didn't work out. 1045 00:49:58,971 --> 00:49:59,803 -Jim Beam won? 1046 00:49:59,838 --> 00:50:02,339 -Yeah. 1047 00:50:02,374 --> 00:50:03,734 I went to AA. Let go and let God... 1048 00:50:07,446 --> 00:50:10,513 I'm keeping my side of the street clean. 1049 00:50:10,549 --> 00:50:12,649 - You know, as a parent I made mistakes, too. 1050 00:50:14,486 --> 00:50:15,452 I mean, I know it really bothers Ron Ron, 1051 00:50:15,487 --> 00:50:18,955 the way I focus in on Franklin's potential. 1052 00:50:18,991 --> 00:50:19,856 But Ron Ron... 1053 00:50:19,891 --> 00:50:21,391 He's... 1054 00:50:21,426 --> 00:50:23,066 (Ron Ron clears throat) - He's special. 1055 00:50:25,230 --> 00:50:26,310 (continues clearing throat) 1056 00:50:27,933 --> 00:50:29,774 -Special. 1057 00:50:29,809 --> 00:50:33,711 You know, a couple of old school guys like you and me... 1058 00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:36,531 (sighs heavily) 1059 00:50:36,566 --> 00:50:37,877 gotta learn it's a new world out there, man. 1060 00:50:37,901 --> 00:50:38,901 New rules. 1061 00:50:40,236 --> 00:50:41,803 Charlie's gonna be all right. 1062 00:50:41,838 --> 00:50:43,071 -Yeah. 1063 00:50:43,106 --> 00:50:43,647 -And I mean, things... 1064 00:50:43,682 --> 00:50:46,683 Things are a lot easier nowadays for guys like him. 1065 00:50:49,079 --> 00:50:50,979 I'll be right back. 1066 00:50:51,014 --> 00:50:52,213 (insect buzzing) 1067 00:50:52,248 --> 00:50:54,315 -It's like a little fly kite. 1068 00:50:54,351 --> 00:50:55,831 - Gravy: He looks like a real goer. 1069 00:50:57,187 --> 00:50:58,227 Watch what I do next here. 1070 00:50:59,990 --> 00:51:02,056 Okay, big guy. 1071 00:51:02,092 --> 00:51:03,092 Time to go to work. 1072 00:51:06,738 --> 00:51:09,931 - Going somewhere with all those bells and smells on? 1073 00:51:09,966 --> 00:51:11,199 (both laugh) 1074 00:51:11,234 --> 00:51:13,234 -Uh, I was just about to... 1075 00:51:13,269 --> 00:51:15,036 - I know where you're going. 1076 00:51:15,071 --> 00:51:16,404 - You do? - Yep. 1077 00:51:16,439 --> 00:51:18,998 And I think you two make a great pair. 1078 00:51:19,033 --> 00:51:21,300 - You do? - Yes! 1079 00:51:21,336 --> 00:51:22,616 I even like the ring of her name. 1080 00:51:23,104 --> 00:51:24,104 - Shantaysia. - Fe... 1081 00:51:25,139 --> 00:51:27,139 Shan... Shantaysia? Oh. 1082 00:51:27,175 --> 00:51:29,442 - Yeah, yeah. - Shantaysia. 1083 00:51:29,477 --> 00:51:31,188 - Now, look, I know what you're gonna say. 1084 00:51:31,212 --> 00:51:32,332 I know I push a little hard. 1085 00:51:33,448 --> 00:51:35,381 But it's because you got so much promise, 1086 00:51:35,416 --> 00:51:36,856 and I just want you to deliver on it. 1087 00:51:38,119 --> 00:51:39,285 See, back in the day, 1088 00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:41,087 when I was coming up your age... 1089 00:51:41,122 --> 00:51:43,131 Phew! And the time... 1090 00:51:43,166 --> 00:51:46,326 I never would have dreamed I'd have a son that's on the verge of running a city. 1091 00:51:47,328 --> 00:51:50,262 I just want to say to you, son... 1092 00:51:50,298 --> 00:51:50,930 I'm proud of you. - Oh, Pop. 1093 00:51:50,965 --> 00:51:53,099 -Real proud. 1094 00:51:53,134 --> 00:51:54,134 -Oh, Pop. Thanks, man. 1095 00:51:55,870 --> 00:51:58,371 Whoo. 1096 00:51:58,406 --> 00:51:59,930 - Now you go ahead on for your walk. 1097 00:51:59,966 --> 00:52:01,131 (both chuckle) 1098 00:52:01,167 --> 00:52:02,842 -And don't make her late. 1099 00:52:02,877 --> 00:52:06,003 No son of mine is gonna take longer than a woman to get ready. 1100 00:52:06,038 --> 00:52:07,638 -Oh, come on, man. 1101 00:52:09,609 --> 00:52:10,919 You sound like an episode of "Sanford and Son." 1102 00:52:10,943 --> 00:52:14,244 -Oh! (sighs) 1103 00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:16,647 Ah! Romance is in the hizzouse. 1104 00:52:17,917 --> 00:52:20,417 -Hey, hey. 1105 00:52:20,453 --> 00:52:21,930 - Hey, Shay-Shay. - Hey. Have a nice walk. 1106 00:52:21,954 --> 00:52:24,521 -All right. 1107 00:52:24,557 --> 00:52:26,357 - Uh... Then where is he going all dressed up? 1108 00:52:28,027 --> 00:52:29,360 Who isn't here? 1109 00:52:29,395 --> 00:52:30,995 - Sharni: Hey, Charlie, where are you? 1110 00:52:31,931 --> 00:52:32,931 -Charlie? 1111 00:52:37,136 --> 00:52:38,669 Charlie and Franklin? 1112 00:52:41,900 --> 00:52:42,900 Oh, Lord. 1113 00:52:49,374 --> 00:52:51,874 - Oh, hey. You're here. How you doing? 1114 00:52:51,910 --> 00:52:53,109 -I'm good. 1115 00:52:53,144 --> 00:52:53,910 -Funny seeing you here. 1116 00:52:53,945 --> 00:52:55,912 -Not really. 1117 00:52:55,947 --> 00:52:57,413 -Uh, just... 1118 00:52:57,449 --> 00:52:59,549 Well, being that I'm here, you're here, 1119 00:52:59,584 --> 00:53:01,304 I thought we could talk about this whole... 1120 00:53:02,053 --> 00:53:03,987 Fake Mom thing. 1121 00:53:04,022 --> 00:53:04,988 -What about it? 1122 00:53:05,023 --> 00:53:07,523 -Maybe, well... 1123 00:53:07,559 --> 00:53:09,399 Not that I thought about it a lot, but I did... 1124 00:53:10,562 --> 00:53:13,096 jot down some alts, as you kids like to say. 1125 00:53:13,131 --> 00:53:14,364 -I've never said that. 1126 00:53:14,399 --> 00:53:15,131 - You don't say "alts" for... Okay. 1127 00:53:15,166 --> 00:53:17,133 -You wrote all of that? 1128 00:53:17,168 --> 00:53:18,401 -Yeah, just a few, um... 1129 00:53:18,436 --> 00:53:22,171 Just a few alternatives to "Fake Mom." 1130 00:53:22,207 --> 00:53:23,230 Not that I don't love it. 1131 00:53:23,266 --> 00:53:24,674 But I just thought, why not... 1132 00:53:24,709 --> 00:53:29,203 Trophy Mom? I could be like a Trophy Mom, you know? 1133 00:53:29,238 --> 00:53:30,071 I always wanted... - No. No. 1134 00:53:30,106 --> 00:53:31,072 -No? Okay, not great. 1135 00:53:31,107 --> 00:53:32,640 Okay. How about, um... 1136 00:53:33,910 --> 00:53:34,875 Mom Again? 1137 00:53:34,911 --> 00:53:36,077 Mom Again. 1138 00:53:36,112 --> 00:53:37,612 You know what I mean? 1139 00:53:37,614 --> 00:53:39,458 Like, when you call me, you'll be like, "Mom Again!" 1140 00:53:39,482 --> 00:53:43,050 - No. Fake Mom. - Okay. How about "This Mom"? 1141 00:53:43,086 --> 00:53:45,044 This Mom. This Mom. 1142 00:53:45,079 --> 00:53:46,520 You know what I mean? 1143 00:53:46,556 --> 00:53:49,315 - Who would say any of this? - Probably nobody. 1144 00:53:49,350 --> 00:53:50,257 How about "Other Mom"? "Cute Mom"? 1145 00:53:50,293 --> 00:53:53,252 - Cute? Cute Mom? - "Mom Mom"? 1146 00:53:53,287 --> 00:53:54,340 Okay, "Mom Mom." Mom Mom is cute. 1147 00:53:54,364 --> 00:53:56,163 Right? You'll be like, "Mom Mom!" 1148 00:53:56,199 --> 00:53:57,531 -What am I, two years old? 1149 00:53:57,567 --> 00:53:59,311 - 'Cause it wouldn't be like your first mom... 1150 00:53:59,335 --> 00:54:01,102 - I have my real mom... - Uh-huh. 1151 00:54:01,137 --> 00:54:01,778 -And then I have you. 1152 00:54:01,813 --> 00:54:05,364 - Right and I would never wanna... - And you are my fake mom. 1153 00:54:05,399 --> 00:54:08,434 And you need to stop trying to act... 1154 00:54:08,469 --> 00:54:09,068 - Take the place of her. - Yeah, exactly. 1155 00:54:09,103 --> 00:54:10,103 -Yeah, I would never. 1156 00:54:10,137 --> 00:54:11,203 -Well, you're trying to. 1157 00:54:11,238 --> 00:54:12,638 - No, I don't. I wouldn't... 1158 00:54:14,475 --> 00:54:17,009 I think this has been a productive talk. 1159 00:54:17,044 --> 00:54:18,477 All right, well... 1160 00:54:18,512 --> 00:54:20,479 Um, do you want me to button up your shirt? 1161 00:54:20,514 --> 00:54:22,147 No. Okay. It's supposed to be like that. 1162 00:54:22,183 --> 00:54:22,881 - Yeah. - Okay. All right. 1163 00:54:22,917 --> 00:54:23,882 All right. 1164 00:54:23,918 --> 00:54:24,918 (snoring) 1165 00:54:31,225 --> 00:54:33,325 -My family may not win this. 1166 00:54:33,361 --> 00:54:34,660 Which means my plans get flushed. 1167 00:54:37,264 --> 00:54:38,308 -You've got to tell your dad. 1168 00:54:38,332 --> 00:54:39,665 We both do. I can't keep lying. 1169 00:54:43,304 --> 00:54:45,504 - I don't know. My dad is crazy. 1170 00:54:45,539 --> 00:54:48,066 It's like he wants me to be Mayor someday, 1171 00:54:48,101 --> 00:54:49,842 so it's... You know? 1172 00:54:49,877 --> 00:54:53,571 - Yeah. And you can't do that with a Mexican woman by your side. 1173 00:54:53,607 --> 00:54:56,007 - What? I didn't say that. I mean, why did you... 1174 00:54:56,042 --> 00:54:58,443 -Look, Franklin... 1175 00:54:58,478 --> 00:55:00,244 I'm glad that you worry about your father. 1176 00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,180 I worry about my father, too. 1177 00:55:02,215 --> 00:55:04,415 They want so much for us, 1178 00:55:04,451 --> 00:55:05,971 even though sometimes it's misguided. 1179 00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:10,188 But I think that we've been fooling ourselves 1180 00:55:10,223 --> 00:55:12,190 hoping that this will work. 1181 00:55:12,225 --> 00:55:14,392 -What are you talking about? 1182 00:55:14,427 --> 00:55:15,059 - We were going to lean on each other, 1183 00:55:15,095 --> 00:55:18,429 but maybe we can't. 1184 00:55:18,465 --> 00:55:19,716 And it's better that we learned it now, 1185 00:55:19,740 --> 00:55:23,234 before we commit to something that isn't gonna work. 1186 00:55:23,269 --> 00:55:24,429 -Felipa, what are you saying? 1187 00:55:26,339 --> 00:55:27,579 Making it easier on both of us. 1188 00:55:28,833 --> 00:55:29,833 What? 1189 00:55:32,203 --> 00:55:33,836 Felipa, what are you doing? 1190 00:55:33,871 --> 00:55:34,871 Felipa. 1191 00:55:35,873 --> 00:55:36,873 (sighs) 1192 00:55:38,843 --> 00:55:39,843 Fuck! 1193 00:55:44,182 --> 00:55:45,182 (Ron Ron clearing throat) 1194 00:55:49,454 --> 00:55:50,906 - Ron Ron, I told you to knock that off. 1195 00:55:50,930 --> 00:55:54,390 You're gonna mess around and put a hole in the back of your neck. 1196 00:55:54,425 --> 00:55:55,936 - So you're just telling me stuff, huh? 1197 00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:57,026 You told me? 1198 00:55:57,061 --> 00:55:57,960 -Yeah, I told you. 1199 00:55:57,996 --> 00:55:58,828 -You told me? 1200 00:55:58,863 --> 00:55:59,863 -Yes. 1201 00:56:00,865 --> 00:56:01,865 -Okay. 1202 00:56:03,301 --> 00:56:04,166 - Jose: Oh, that's it, Ron Ron. 1203 00:56:04,202 --> 00:56:05,710 Wear those pants, brother. 1204 00:56:05,745 --> 00:56:07,945 That way it'll tell your wife who's the boss, brother. 1205 00:56:10,433 --> 00:56:12,066 - You know something? Watch this. Ahem! 1206 00:56:12,101 --> 00:56:13,776 Keko, check this out. 1207 00:56:13,811 --> 00:56:18,272 I'm in this contest where I keep my hand on this damn car, 1208 00:56:18,307 --> 00:56:19,139 so I can win it for the family. 1209 00:56:19,175 --> 00:56:21,508 I'm a little thirsty now. 1210 00:56:21,544 --> 00:56:22,955 I want you to go get me one of those beers, 1211 00:56:22,979 --> 00:56:24,211 open the top, 1212 00:56:24,246 --> 00:56:26,113 and put the beer on my lips 1213 00:56:26,148 --> 00:56:26,780 and pour it in my mouth. 1214 00:56:26,816 --> 00:56:28,983 Now! 1215 00:56:29,018 --> 00:56:30,551 -Keko: Bullshit! 1216 00:56:30,586 --> 00:56:33,587 Do I look like somebody who's gonna pop a beer, 1217 00:56:33,623 --> 00:56:35,656 put it on your lips and pour it down your throat? 1218 00:56:38,060 --> 00:56:39,226 -Never mind, baby. 1219 00:56:39,261 --> 00:56:40,961 -Wow! What a beautiful thing. 1220 00:56:40,997 --> 00:56:42,229 I mean, look. 1221 00:56:42,264 --> 00:56:46,266 Every creed, race, and creed 1222 00:56:46,302 --> 00:56:48,669 just hanging loose. It's... 1223 00:56:51,140 --> 00:56:52,140 I wanna give a speech. 1224 00:56:57,838 --> 00:57:00,572 -Uh... 1225 00:57:00,608 --> 00:57:03,442 So, you gonna make that speech, hopper, or what? 1226 00:57:03,477 --> 00:57:05,157 - Well, I gotta write something down first. 1227 00:57:07,247 --> 00:57:08,080 - That man is out of his mind. 1228 00:57:08,115 --> 00:57:09,881 -He's a lunatic, man. 1229 00:57:09,917 --> 00:57:11,016 (snoring) 1230 00:57:11,051 --> 00:57:13,051 -What's up, guys? 1231 00:57:13,087 --> 00:57:15,287 -What's up, Charlie? 1232 00:57:15,322 --> 00:57:16,602 - You smell what I'm stepping in? 1233 00:57:17,424 --> 00:57:18,323 - Jose: You smell of something, brother. 1234 00:57:18,359 --> 00:57:20,425 - Yeah, the kids used to say that. 1235 00:57:20,461 --> 00:57:22,339 - What kids used to say that? I don't... 1236 00:57:22,363 --> 00:57:24,196 - I heard a couple of kids say it. 1237 00:57:24,231 --> 00:57:26,006 -Jose: Oh, hey Charlie, man. 1238 00:57:26,042 --> 00:57:28,882 I see your hybrid's got all the latest gadgets, man, that's pretty cool. 1239 00:57:30,371 --> 00:57:30,836 It's like... It's like "Star Trek." 1240 00:57:30,871 --> 00:57:31,712 -What? 1241 00:57:31,747 --> 00:57:34,065 - Yeah, yeah. You got one of those special force fields. 1242 00:57:34,100 --> 00:57:35,967 What do they call it? 1243 00:57:36,002 --> 00:57:36,901 Pussy Deflector. 1244 00:57:36,936 --> 00:57:38,135 (both laugh) 1245 00:57:38,171 --> 00:57:40,304 -Charlie, where were you? 1246 00:57:40,340 --> 00:57:41,550 - I was in the lake, washing up. 1247 00:57:41,574 --> 00:57:43,641 - Oh, yeah? Did you wash behind your ears, fool? 1248 00:57:45,378 --> 00:57:46,698 ♪ Did you wash behind your ears? ♪ 1249 00:57:51,217 --> 00:57:53,451 -♪ Wash behind the ears ♪ 1250 00:57:53,486 --> 00:57:57,521 - ♪ Why don't you shut The fuck up? ♪ 1251 00:57:57,557 --> 00:57:58,422 You know, Jose, maybe you should try washing. 1252 00:57:58,458 --> 00:58:01,425 I mean, even your tent has skid marks. 1253 00:58:01,461 --> 00:58:03,869 And don't be stingy with the Lever 2000. 1254 00:58:03,904 --> 00:58:07,331 Maybe you should call them and see if they got a Lever 10000. 1255 00:58:07,367 --> 00:58:08,410 - What are you talking about, man? 1256 00:58:08,434 --> 00:58:10,167 That's pheromones. The chicks dig that. 1257 00:58:10,203 --> 00:58:11,243 -Ron Ron: Jose does smell. 1258 00:58:13,106 --> 00:58:14,205 You got that right. 1259 00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:15,798 Hey, pass me that bullhorn. 1260 00:58:15,833 --> 00:58:16,833 What? 1261 00:58:20,071 --> 00:58:22,071 Hey, y'all. (laughs) 1262 00:58:22,106 --> 00:58:25,374 Jose BO smell so bad, 1263 00:58:25,409 --> 00:58:26,875 he need the Right and the Left Guard. 1264 00:58:26,911 --> 00:58:28,886 (laughing) 1265 00:58:28,921 --> 00:58:32,548 You get it? 'Cause it's the Right Guard, that's what it's called. 1266 00:58:32,583 --> 00:58:34,550 And he smells, so he needs both sides of it, 1267 00:58:34,585 --> 00:58:35,804 'cause it's the left... - Man: Yeah, they got it. 1268 00:58:35,828 --> 00:58:38,863 They didn't like that one? Okay, I got another one for you. 1269 00:58:38,898 --> 00:58:43,701 What is the flattest surface that you could iron anything on? 1270 00:58:46,297 --> 00:58:48,998 A white girl's ass. (laughing) 1271 00:58:49,033 --> 00:58:50,899 -Hey! Bullshit! 1272 00:58:50,935 --> 00:58:53,369 Bullshit! 1273 00:58:53,404 --> 00:58:55,904 Check out this masterpiece of assery. 1274 00:58:55,940 --> 00:58:57,164 -Oh, yeah. 1275 00:58:57,199 --> 00:58:59,266 (men exclaim appreciatively) 1276 00:58:59,301 --> 00:59:00,545 - Mind if I do a little tucking? 1277 00:59:00,569 --> 00:59:03,570 - Jose: I don't know. It looks pretty flat to me. 1278 00:59:03,606 --> 00:59:05,350 Although, wait a minute. Maybe this is a bad angle. 1279 00:59:05,374 --> 00:59:05,748 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You check it out. 1280 00:59:05,783 --> 00:59:08,183 - We got a challenger on the plane, ladies and gentlemen. 1281 00:59:09,979 --> 00:59:10,686 Yeah, my bad. 1282 00:59:10,721 --> 00:59:13,146 I was wrong. You're right. Okay, I'll concede the point. 1283 00:59:13,182 --> 00:59:14,915 Oh, I got one, I got one. 1284 00:59:14,950 --> 00:59:15,691 Right, uh... 1285 00:59:15,726 --> 00:59:20,020 Okay, y'all. What's nine inches long and white? Huh? 1286 00:59:20,055 --> 00:59:23,023 Anybody? Anybody? 1287 00:59:23,058 --> 00:59:24,891 Not a damn thing! 1288 00:59:24,927 --> 00:59:25,927 (laughter) 1289 00:59:27,963 --> 00:59:29,129 -Oh, really? 1290 00:59:29,164 --> 00:59:30,998 Really? I call bullshit. 1291 00:59:31,033 --> 00:59:32,466 -Jose: Oh, yeah? 1292 00:59:32,501 --> 00:59:34,968 - Check out this masterpiece of dickery. 1293 00:59:35,004 --> 00:59:38,431 (all groaning) 1294 00:59:38,466 --> 00:59:38,998 - All right, all right. Fine, fine, fine. 1295 00:59:39,033 --> 00:59:39,999 Give me that horn. 1296 00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:41,875 Give me that horn. 1297 00:59:41,910 --> 00:59:45,271 - And now Charlie has taken the bullhorn, ladies and gentlemen. 1298 00:59:45,306 --> 00:59:46,105 This competition is heating up. 1299 00:59:46,140 --> 00:59:47,140 Let's see what he's got. 1300 00:59:49,544 --> 00:59:51,322 - Did you hear about the black and Mexican guy 1301 00:59:51,346 --> 00:59:52,912 that opened a restaurant together? 1302 00:59:52,947 --> 00:59:54,413 -Woman: No. 1303 00:59:54,449 --> 00:59:56,657 - It's called "Nacho Mama." - (laughing) 1304 00:59:56,692 --> 00:59:59,018 - Oh, hey, what happens when a white guy with a boner 1305 00:59:59,053 --> 01:00:00,920 walks into a wall? 1306 01:00:00,955 --> 01:00:02,054 -All: What? 1307 01:00:02,090 --> 01:00:02,922 -He breaks his nose. 1308 01:00:02,957 --> 01:00:04,657 -(laughing) 1309 01:00:08,429 --> 01:00:09,907 - Man: Franklin, he takes the bullhorn. 1310 01:00:09,931 --> 01:00:12,264 All right. 1311 01:00:12,300 --> 01:00:15,101 Why do white people love hockey? 1312 01:00:15,136 --> 01:00:17,236 - Why? - Why is that? 1313 01:00:17,271 --> 01:00:17,744 -Because if they ain't a cop, 1314 01:00:17,780 --> 01:00:19,875 that's the only chance they get to beat something black. 1315 01:00:19,899 --> 01:00:23,000 -Ooh, ooh. 1316 01:00:23,035 --> 01:00:26,403 -Oh, in your face! 1317 01:00:26,439 --> 01:00:29,106 - What do you call a black man in a suit? 1318 01:00:29,141 --> 01:00:30,908 - What? - The defendant. 1319 01:00:30,943 --> 01:00:33,644 -(laughing) 1320 01:00:34,756 --> 01:00:38,616 - I got one, I got one, you guys, wait for this. Ready? 1321 01:00:38,618 --> 01:00:40,262 - Oh, ladies and gentleman, looks like the pole dancer 1322 01:00:40,286 --> 01:00:42,519 wants to enter the competition. 1323 01:00:42,555 --> 01:00:44,266 She's teeing it up, let's see what she's got. 1324 01:00:44,290 --> 01:00:46,857 - What do you call a black... 1325 01:00:46,892 --> 01:00:49,360 wait... 1326 01:00:49,395 --> 01:00:52,229 - Ooh, and Daisy Duke's got nothing. 1327 01:00:52,264 --> 01:00:54,740 - (laughing) - Fuck this shit. 1328 01:00:54,776 --> 01:00:57,501 - All right. Well, there's some good news and bad news. 1329 01:00:57,536 --> 01:01:00,504 While she had the bullhorn, ratings spiked, 1330 01:01:00,539 --> 01:01:02,898 but the bad news is everybody's IQ went down. 1331 01:01:02,933 --> 01:01:04,633 -(laughing) 1332 01:01:06,904 --> 01:01:09,571 -(snoring) 1333 01:01:09,607 --> 01:01:11,573 - Okay, all right, all right. I got one for you. 1334 01:01:11,609 --> 01:01:14,076 Uh... hey! What do white women make for dinner? 1335 01:01:14,111 --> 01:01:15,911 - What? - Reservations. 1336 01:01:15,946 --> 01:01:20,349 -(laughing) 1337 01:01:20,384 --> 01:01:21,737 - Oh, no, and ladies and gentlemen, 1338 01:01:21,761 --> 01:01:25,387 the park rangers are getting involved in the competition. 1339 01:01:25,422 --> 01:01:27,489 And either this brother is color blind 1340 01:01:27,524 --> 01:01:29,324 or he is flat-out helping the wrong family. 1341 01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:33,028 - (laughing) - You sure about that? 1342 01:01:33,063 --> 01:01:34,596 -They'll love it. 1343 01:01:34,632 --> 01:01:37,265 - Charlie: When a black and a Mexican are in a car, 1344 01:01:37,301 --> 01:01:38,900 who's driving? - Everyone: Who? 1345 01:01:38,936 --> 01:01:40,902 -The cop. 1346 01:01:40,938 --> 01:01:41,938 (laughter) 1347 01:01:44,875 --> 01:01:48,501 - Yeah, okay, brother, don't... check on out. okay, thank you. 1348 01:01:48,537 --> 01:01:51,338 Yeah, you can go on and clock out. Thank you. 1349 01:01:51,373 --> 01:01:54,574 And now, Franklin takes the bullhorn. 1350 01:01:54,610 --> 01:01:56,977 Let's see if he can pull one out for his team. 1351 01:01:57,012 --> 01:01:58,345 All right, uh... 1352 01:01:58,380 --> 01:01:59,980 why do white folks have so many pets? 1353 01:02:00,015 --> 01:02:01,381 -Everyone: Why? 1354 01:02:01,416 --> 01:02:02,936 - 'Cause they can't own people anymore. 1355 01:02:05,487 --> 01:02:07,131 Boom! Drop the bull horn. That's right. 1356 01:02:07,155 --> 01:02:09,022 -(upbeat music playing) 1357 01:02:09,057 --> 01:02:10,790 -Hey! Ya, ya, ya! 1358 01:02:10,826 --> 01:02:12,993 -Ya! 1359 01:02:13,028 --> 01:02:16,196 -Hey, hey, hey! 1360 01:02:16,231 --> 01:02:18,198 What's going on, everybody? 1361 01:02:18,233 --> 01:02:19,332 My name is Johnny Jon-John. 1362 01:02:19,368 --> 01:02:21,201 I'll be running the intervention. 1363 01:02:21,236 --> 01:02:22,535 And it is for Charlie Jones, 1364 01:02:22,571 --> 01:02:24,048 is there a a Charlie Jones? - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1365 01:02:24,072 --> 01:02:25,097 -No, no, not now. 1366 01:02:25,132 --> 01:02:26,706 -An intervention for me? 1367 01:02:26,742 --> 01:02:30,910 - No, no, no. You can go now. We don't need you. We're fine. 1368 01:02:30,946 --> 01:02:35,407 - I should have seen you a mile away. Yes, sir, let's get right to it. 1369 01:02:35,443 --> 01:02:37,043 Anyone want to speak up about this joker? 1370 01:02:38,980 --> 01:02:41,413 Okay. I'll go. 1371 01:02:41,449 --> 01:02:44,350 All right, uh... this is an intervention. 1372 01:02:44,385 --> 01:02:46,092 10th one's free. Another joke we do. 1373 01:02:46,128 --> 01:02:48,973 I like to lighten the mood a little bit when someone is heading into the grave. 1374 01:02:48,997 --> 01:02:53,492 Your family put together a list of things you've done while... drunk. 1375 01:02:53,527 --> 01:02:55,494 - They put together a list? - Yeah, that's... 1376 01:02:55,529 --> 01:02:58,464 that's how it works. - Give us the short list. 1377 01:02:58,499 --> 01:03:01,233 - Let's see, boo... you burned down a farm, 1378 01:03:01,268 --> 01:03:05,437 with a barn and three cows? 1379 01:03:05,473 --> 01:03:06,975 - They were goats. - Oh, they were goats. 1380 01:03:06,999 --> 01:03:09,333 Only goats, oh. 1381 01:03:09,368 --> 01:03:11,201 Well, that's cool. He's a great guy. 1382 01:03:11,236 --> 01:03:13,403 (singing) For he's a jolly... 1383 01:03:13,439 --> 01:03:14,658 No, you're horrible. I'm kidding again. 1384 01:03:14,682 --> 01:03:17,474 Oh, it keeps going. You got drunk at a carnival 1385 01:03:17,509 --> 01:03:19,643 and you shot a fireman? - He was off duty. 1386 01:03:21,180 --> 01:03:23,480 And a bit shifty. - Oh. 1387 01:03:23,515 --> 01:03:26,350 Okay, off duty and shifty. - He was shifty. 1388 01:03:26,385 --> 01:03:27,993 - Sounds to me like you're enabling. 1389 01:03:28,029 --> 01:03:31,355 - Oh, that's a pretty big word for something that I'm... not really doing. 1390 01:03:31,390 --> 01:03:33,457 - You unbolted the Ferris wheel too? 1391 01:03:33,492 --> 01:03:37,494 - Yeah, it's a wheel, so it could roam away. 1392 01:03:37,529 --> 01:03:39,363 - To give it a head start for the next town. 1393 01:03:39,398 --> 01:03:41,131 - Hello? - Shaved a librarian's head? 1394 01:03:41,166 --> 01:03:42,808 -She may have had lice. 1395 01:03:42,843 --> 01:03:46,203 - All right, and you pushed your cousin Bobby down some stairs. 1396 01:03:46,238 --> 01:03:48,305 - Both: He had lice, right. 1397 01:03:48,340 --> 01:03:50,231 He's got the RID and the comb. 1398 01:03:50,267 --> 01:03:50,774 All right, you did him a favor. 1399 01:03:50,809 --> 01:03:56,538 Uh, did you shoot 72 bottle rockets at your old high school? 1400 01:03:56,573 --> 01:03:58,184 - Let's just say that I enhanced its curb appeal. 1401 01:03:58,208 --> 01:04:00,041 And most of them were duds. 1402 01:04:00,077 --> 01:04:02,310 - Over 50%? - Duh. 1403 01:04:02,346 --> 01:04:04,112 - Holy shit, what am I doing here? 1404 01:04:04,147 --> 01:04:06,381 What a waste of my time. 1405 01:04:06,416 --> 01:04:06,815 This guy seems fine to me. You single? 1406 01:04:06,850 --> 01:04:11,319 -Uh... 1407 01:04:11,355 --> 01:04:14,222 I am, but now that you mention it, 1408 01:04:14,257 --> 01:04:17,325 I was... but a few hours ago, 1409 01:04:17,361 --> 01:04:19,661 I'm... now I'm not... Not... no. 1410 01:04:21,264 --> 01:04:22,706 - Final answer? - Final answer. 1411 01:04:22,741 --> 01:04:25,967 - I wasn't even talking to you. I was talking to her. 1412 01:04:26,003 --> 01:04:28,436 -Me? Holy God. 1413 01:04:28,472 --> 01:04:30,297 - Sounds like a no, um... - You know what? 1414 01:04:30,333 --> 01:04:32,266 This, this, this, whole event... 1415 01:04:32,301 --> 01:04:35,436 can, can, can "mange" my taint. 1416 01:04:35,471 --> 01:04:37,371 I don't need this, this, this intervention. 1417 01:04:37,406 --> 01:04:39,373 - Well, I fucking don't need it either. 1418 01:04:39,408 --> 01:04:41,375 All right, I'm outy like five thouty. 1419 01:04:41,410 --> 01:04:43,310 Anybody need weed, holler at your boy. 1420 01:04:43,346 --> 01:04:46,447 It's nice out here! I'm joking. 1421 01:04:46,482 --> 01:04:48,816 This place is fun if I was the Zika virus. 1422 01:04:48,851 --> 01:04:49,851 Uber! 1423 01:04:51,354 --> 01:04:53,220 - What the hell was that all about? 1424 01:04:53,255 --> 01:04:54,822 -Look, son, we didn't mean to. 1425 01:04:54,857 --> 01:04:57,157 -Shit. 1426 01:04:57,193 --> 01:04:59,593 Took my hand off the car. 1427 01:04:59,629 --> 01:05:03,497 - Oh, yeah, so now it's just me and Mr. Jonas. 1428 01:05:03,532 --> 01:05:05,332 - Jose: Oh, no, Papi's going to swat the fly. 1429 01:05:05,368 --> 01:05:06,934 - (groans) - Papi, Papi, Papi, wait! 1430 01:05:06,969 --> 01:05:09,370 -(exclaims) 1431 01:05:09,405 --> 01:05:12,164 - Dad. - You let go of the door, Pops. 1432 01:05:12,199 --> 01:05:14,032 -I won! I won! I won, I won! 1433 01:05:14,068 --> 01:05:15,968 We won! Oh, my Gosh! 1434 01:05:16,003 --> 01:05:17,978 -Well, we won... 1435 01:05:18,014 --> 01:05:20,759 But it was kind of fun the way it turned out. Why doesn't everybody stay? 1436 01:05:20,783 --> 01:05:24,109 - I agree! Let's just everybody stay and enjoy the weekend. 1437 01:05:24,144 --> 01:05:25,786 -All right, we'll stay. 1438 01:05:25,821 --> 01:05:29,181 But you gotta be able to keep a leash on your son Charlie. 1439 01:05:29,216 --> 01:05:31,316 - What! - Wait, wait, wait... 1440 01:05:31,352 --> 01:05:32,726 What the hell did that just mean? 1441 01:05:32,762 --> 01:05:38,423 - Madonna, some pendejo tried to pin a mosq on my shirt... 1442 01:05:38,459 --> 01:05:42,594 with a blonde hair, the whites cheated. 1443 01:05:42,630 --> 01:05:44,550 - Hey, I mean, come on, now... the whites cheated 1444 01:05:45,499 --> 01:05:46,977 and now Charlie is after my son Franklin. 1445 01:05:47,001 --> 01:05:49,334 - What? - What? 1446 01:05:49,370 --> 01:05:51,136 - Pop, what are you talking about? 1447 01:05:51,171 --> 01:05:52,638 -Come on, now, Franklin. 1448 01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:53,717 I mean, you should have told me that you were gay. 1449 01:05:53,741 --> 01:05:58,301 I mean, is that why you... don't want to run for Mayor? 1450 01:05:58,337 --> 01:05:59,689 - Are you kidding... I'm not gay. 1451 01:05:59,713 --> 01:06:02,205 And if I was gay, I could get way better than Charlie. 1452 01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:04,207 -You think I'm after Franklin? 1453 01:06:04,242 --> 01:06:06,476 - And a drunk! - Okay, okay... 1454 01:06:06,511 --> 01:06:08,511 you might have me on the drunk thing but... 1455 01:06:08,547 --> 01:06:10,258 you're out of your mind. Everybody knows that 1456 01:06:10,282 --> 01:06:11,948 Franklin's in love with Felipa. 1457 01:06:11,984 --> 01:06:12,949 - What? - What? 1458 01:06:12,985 --> 01:06:14,926 -Oh, Charlie. 1459 01:06:14,962 --> 01:06:19,389 - Even me, the huge drunk could tell 14 seconds after I got here. 1460 01:06:19,424 --> 01:06:21,958 And you still don't see it? - Felipa? 1461 01:06:21,994 --> 01:06:25,362 Es la verdad? 1462 01:06:25,397 --> 01:06:26,896 - Papi, I've been meaning to tell you. 1463 01:06:26,932 --> 01:06:29,566 Yes, okay? 1464 01:06:29,601 --> 01:06:30,979 Franklin and I have been dating for over a year. 1465 01:06:31,003 --> 01:06:32,678 - What? - What? 1466 01:06:32,713 --> 01:06:34,871 - You need to keep your son away from my daughter. 1467 01:06:34,906 --> 01:06:39,134 - Aye, no, no. You ain't calling no shots in my family, El Chapo. 1468 01:06:39,170 --> 01:06:40,603 -Oh, well, Pop, calm down. 1469 01:06:40,605 --> 01:06:42,657 - No, no, no, no, and you, I can't believe this, son. 1470 01:06:42,681 --> 01:06:45,975 You've been sneaking around with her behind my back, 1471 01:06:46,010 --> 01:06:48,477 and lying and... 1472 01:06:48,512 --> 01:06:51,313 standing up Shantaysia who is hot to trot. 1473 01:06:51,349 --> 01:06:53,916 - Wow, hot to trot isn't accurate. 1474 01:06:53,951 --> 01:06:55,217 -Okay, fine. 1475 01:06:55,252 --> 01:06:57,119 I came up here because we all 1476 01:06:57,154 --> 01:06:59,254 needed to get together. 1477 01:06:59,290 --> 01:07:02,191 I love Felipa. That is my girl. 1478 01:07:02,226 --> 01:07:03,559 That is why we are all here. 1479 01:07:03,594 --> 01:07:05,372 I don't know where the white family came from, 1480 01:07:05,396 --> 01:07:07,429 but that's why our families are here. 1481 01:07:07,465 --> 01:07:09,131 We planned it. But you know what I hate? 1482 01:07:09,166 --> 01:07:11,467 Camping is what I hate. 1483 01:07:11,502 --> 01:07:12,787 - I knew it, I knew it, I fucking knew it. 1484 01:07:12,811 --> 01:07:16,205 You are not perfect, brother. You don't want to be a camper. 1485 01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:18,065 ♪ Franklin's not perfect ♪ 1486 01:07:18,100 --> 01:07:19,132 ♪ He is a dumbass ♪ 1487 01:07:19,168 --> 01:07:21,101 ♪ He fuck with Felipa ♪ 1488 01:07:21,136 --> 01:07:22,302 ♪ I fucking knew it ♪ 1489 01:07:22,338 --> 01:07:24,304 ♪ And I thought he was gay too ♪ 1490 01:07:24,340 --> 01:07:26,715 - This camping can jump up my ass. 1491 01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:29,176 These "Jurassic Park" mosquitoes can jump up my ass. 1492 01:07:29,211 --> 01:07:31,445 Sleeping in my car at night, 1493 01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:32,079 waiting for somebody to come and kill me... 1494 01:07:32,114 --> 01:07:34,047 -Can jump up your ass. 1495 01:07:34,083 --> 01:07:35,215 - Exactly. - Right. 1496 01:07:35,250 --> 01:07:37,159 -All this can jump up my ass. 1497 01:07:37,194 --> 01:07:40,165 - Well, if you're going to act that way, then why did we say we'd like to stay? 1498 01:07:40,189 --> 01:07:41,154 -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 1499 01:07:41,190 --> 01:07:43,056 Let us stay? - (arguing) 1500 01:07:43,092 --> 01:07:44,700 -The whites cheated. 1501 01:07:44,735 --> 01:07:48,428 And we're going to win this contest and kick you out. 1502 01:07:48,464 --> 01:07:50,297 - Yeah, man, the hell with all you guys. 1503 01:07:50,332 --> 01:07:53,367 Final contest. Winner or go home. 1504 01:07:53,402 --> 01:07:55,393 - Let's get it on. - Let's get it on. 1505 01:07:55,429 --> 01:07:57,137 - (indistinct chatter) - Let's vamos. 1506 01:07:57,172 --> 01:07:58,271 - Let's do this. - Huh. 1507 01:07:58,307 --> 01:07:59,998 - Go this way. - It's game over, 1508 01:08:00,033 --> 01:08:01,033 tacos and Schlitz. 1509 01:08:05,781 --> 01:08:10,241 - Hey, hey, gather around here, I'm Peter Galkie, and I'm... 1510 01:08:10,277 --> 01:08:11,576 one of the original spectators, 1511 01:08:11,612 --> 01:08:13,289 so I think I'm probably most qualified to describe 1512 01:08:13,313 --> 01:08:16,147 what we're about to witness here. 1513 01:08:16,183 --> 01:08:18,550 This obstacle course race 1514 01:08:18,585 --> 01:08:21,286 is two miles total, give or take a mile or two. 1515 01:08:21,321 --> 01:08:23,355 And, uh, it's through the woods, 1516 01:08:23,390 --> 01:08:25,624 and then you gotta get past that lake 1517 01:08:25,626 --> 01:08:28,460 and then make it up to that clearing way up there 1518 01:08:28,495 --> 01:08:30,528 'cause that's where the finish line's at. 1519 01:08:30,564 --> 01:08:32,175 So, what do you say we all just sit back here, 1520 01:08:32,199 --> 01:08:35,367 and let's enjoy the show. 1521 01:08:35,402 --> 01:08:35,967 - Y'all ready for this? Let's do this! 1522 01:08:36,003 --> 01:08:37,102 Let's do this. 1523 01:08:37,137 --> 01:08:39,404 -(indistinct chatter) 1524 01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:40,005 - Okay, everybody, here are the rules. 1525 01:08:40,040 --> 01:08:42,131 - Rules? - Yeah. 1526 01:08:42,167 --> 01:08:43,066 No rules! Ready set, go! 1527 01:08:43,101 --> 01:08:45,435 -(indistinct chatter) 1528 01:08:45,470 --> 01:08:46,914 - Franklin: Hey! You got dirt on my shoes. 1529 01:08:46,938 --> 01:08:48,638 -(cheering) 1530 01:08:50,141 --> 01:08:52,875 - (panting) - (laughing) 1531 01:08:52,911 --> 01:08:54,644 -(grunts) 1532 01:09:02,020 --> 01:09:02,694 -I want to stay. 1533 01:09:02,729 --> 01:09:05,321 - Yeah, why do parents always have to ruin everything? 1534 01:09:05,357 --> 01:09:08,091 I don't want to go. - Me either. 1535 01:09:08,126 --> 01:09:10,259 -Wait, I have an idea. 1536 01:09:10,295 --> 01:09:11,372 Rolie, you still have that map? 1537 01:09:11,396 --> 01:09:14,163 - Does the bear shit in the woods? 1538 01:09:14,199 --> 01:09:15,798 -Yes, young man, it does. 1539 01:09:15,834 --> 01:09:18,401 -Ew! 1540 01:09:18,436 --> 01:09:19,989 - He's gross. - He smokes too much weed. 1541 01:09:20,013 --> 01:09:24,333 One time he got so baked, he tried to take his pants off over his head. 1542 01:09:24,368 --> 01:09:26,301 - What? - It's an old Woody Allen joke. 1543 01:09:26,337 --> 01:09:28,337 - Okay, so you see this ridge here. 1544 01:09:28,372 --> 01:09:30,472 It horseshoes around this mountain. 1545 01:09:30,507 --> 01:09:32,815 And if we cut across here, then we're there. 1546 01:09:32,851 --> 01:09:35,221 - The plan only works if we can get to the finish line first. 1547 01:09:35,245 --> 01:09:37,346 -Think we can get there first? 1548 01:09:37,381 --> 01:09:38,313 - Hell, yeah, first is my middle name. 1549 01:09:38,349 --> 01:09:40,415 - It is? - No, sweetie, it's Olivia. 1550 01:09:40,451 --> 01:09:42,128 - All right, let's do this. On three... 1551 01:09:42,152 --> 01:09:43,885 One, two, three, break! 1552 01:09:43,921 --> 01:09:46,321 -Let's go! 1553 01:09:46,357 --> 01:09:49,658 - And the black... is in the lead. 1554 01:09:53,631 --> 01:09:55,241 - You're killing it, Dad. - Get your arms down there. 1555 01:09:55,265 --> 01:09:57,666 - Get away from me! - (groans) 1556 01:10:00,745 --> 01:10:03,171 - (panting) Look, Pop, I just want to say I'm sorry. 1557 01:10:03,207 --> 01:10:04,631 -No talking, just winning. 1558 01:10:06,401 --> 01:10:07,921 - I'm not sorry-sorry, but I'm sorry. 1559 01:10:14,409 --> 01:10:16,176 - You can't keep up, can ya? - Look... 1560 01:10:16,211 --> 01:10:17,477 you're the one out of shape. 1561 01:10:17,512 --> 01:10:18,923 - I'm not out of shape, I could go for hours. 1562 01:10:18,947 --> 01:10:20,947 -(muttering) 1563 01:10:20,983 --> 01:10:25,151 -Hey. Wait... 1564 01:10:25,187 --> 01:10:26,953 Is that a snake? - Where? 1565 01:10:26,989 --> 01:10:29,923 -Right there. 1566 01:10:29,958 --> 01:10:32,659 -(screaming) 1567 01:10:40,869 --> 01:10:41,869 -Oh... 1568 01:10:43,405 --> 01:10:44,816 Oh, shit, that ain't no damn snake. 1569 01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:46,397 Oh. 1570 01:10:46,433 --> 01:10:50,001 - You know your scream was kind of a... 1571 01:10:50,036 --> 01:10:52,203 hoo hoo, you know. 1572 01:10:52,238 --> 01:10:53,972 You need to man up, you know. 1573 01:10:54,007 --> 01:10:55,640 -Man up on this! 1574 01:10:58,411 --> 01:10:59,764 - Felipa: I should have told my family. 1575 01:10:59,788 --> 01:11:02,380 Well, I don't know what happened. We just... fell in love. 1576 01:11:02,415 --> 01:11:05,483 - Cheyenne: Yeah. - My dad's so furious. 1577 01:11:05,518 --> 01:11:07,096 - Well, girl, your dad be overreacting, okay, 1578 01:11:07,120 --> 01:11:09,220 if you ask me. - Yep. 1579 01:11:09,255 --> 01:11:11,356 -I mean, it's not a bad thing, 1580 01:11:11,391 --> 01:11:12,123 it's kind of a good thing. - Really? 1581 01:11:12,158 --> 01:11:14,058 -I mean, I was in shock. 1582 01:11:14,094 --> 01:11:15,560 I was like, "What?" 1583 01:11:15,595 --> 01:11:17,373 I was clutching my purse like I was watching 1584 01:11:17,397 --> 01:11:19,497 "Days of Our Lives" or something. 1585 01:11:19,532 --> 01:11:21,332 I was like, "What?" Did not see that coming! 1586 01:11:21,368 --> 01:11:24,402 But... it's a good thing. - Yeah. 1587 01:11:24,437 --> 01:11:26,638 - Y'all might make some little Obamas, 1588 01:11:26,640 --> 01:11:28,906 or something, little Baracks up in here. (laughing) 1589 01:11:28,942 --> 01:11:32,910 Girl, all I can say is I think your dad's acting like a big old kid. 1590 01:11:32,946 --> 01:11:37,174 - Right. Surprise, surprise, all the men are acting like children. 1591 01:11:37,209 --> 01:11:37,682 -And speaking of children... 1592 01:11:37,717 --> 01:11:40,310 I cannot hear mine. It's like... - Yeah, that is weird. 1593 01:11:40,346 --> 01:11:42,546 - They real quiet, like when I put 1594 01:11:42,581 --> 01:11:44,326 a little bit of Benadryl in their Cap'n Crunch. 1595 01:11:44,350 --> 01:11:45,670 You know they get real quiet then. 1596 01:11:47,694 --> 01:11:51,321 What? I wouldn't really drug my babies, that's a joke. 1597 01:11:51,357 --> 01:11:54,358 - Okay, okay, I was like... (laughs) 1598 01:11:54,393 --> 01:11:56,026 - Just a little bit, for a minute. 1599 01:11:56,061 --> 01:11:57,861 Kids! - Chuckie! 1600 01:11:57,896 --> 01:11:59,262 -Rolie! 1601 01:11:59,298 --> 01:12:00,230 - Chuckie! - They're not there. 1602 01:12:00,265 --> 01:12:02,265 We should go. - Let's go see. 1603 01:12:02,301 --> 01:12:03,667 - Let's try to parent. - Hey! 1604 01:12:08,107 --> 01:12:12,100 -Sharni: Oh, my God! 1605 01:12:12,135 --> 01:12:13,902 -(country music playing) 1606 01:12:13,937 --> 01:12:17,038 -(cheering) 1607 01:12:17,074 --> 01:12:18,807 -Really? Seriously? 1608 01:12:18,842 --> 01:12:21,018 -What? 1609 01:12:21,053 --> 01:12:24,212 - You think they're going to shoot dollar bills at you with a t-shirt gun? 1610 01:12:24,247 --> 01:12:26,448 -No, this is a public service. 1611 01:12:26,483 --> 01:12:28,883 I do this for charity. Not dollar bills. 1612 01:12:28,919 --> 01:12:30,919 You drunk! 1613 01:12:30,954 --> 01:12:32,929 -(cheering) 1614 01:12:32,965 --> 01:12:35,435 - All right, nothing to see here. Head down the trail, down the trail. 1615 01:12:35,459 --> 01:12:37,492 Nothing to see here, nothing to see here. 1616 01:12:37,527 --> 01:12:38,326 We've got a race to run. Come on, sweetie. 1617 01:12:38,362 --> 01:12:40,662 Okay, I'm open. Come on, let's go. 1618 01:12:42,165 --> 01:12:44,532 Come on! - Wait for me. 1619 01:12:44,568 --> 01:12:50,205 ♪ And the bombs of war will make you bleed ♪ 1620 01:12:50,240 --> 01:12:55,068 ♪ When the hugs of love ♪ 1621 01:12:55,103 --> 01:12:59,439 ♪ Are all you need ♪ 1622 01:12:59,474 --> 01:13:03,409 Hello, buddy! You want to sing the chorus? 1623 01:13:03,445 --> 01:13:08,081 ♪ The hugs of love Are all you need ♪ 1624 01:13:08,116 --> 01:13:10,116 ♪ The hugs of love ♪ 1625 01:13:10,151 --> 01:13:11,918 - (spraying) - (shrieks) 1626 01:13:11,953 --> 01:13:14,053 -(screaming) 1627 01:13:14,089 --> 01:13:16,155 -I'm gonna get you! 1628 01:13:16,191 --> 01:13:18,658 You slimy little bastard! 1629 01:13:21,162 --> 01:13:23,663 -(upbeat music playing) 1630 01:13:28,136 --> 01:13:30,436 -Do you see them yet? 1631 01:13:30,472 --> 01:13:32,138 - Don't see them, but I think I hear them. 1632 01:13:32,173 --> 01:13:34,999 - (coughing) - (panting) 1633 01:13:35,034 --> 01:13:37,234 -Hold on! Hold on! 1634 01:13:37,270 --> 01:13:39,637 Wait, wait, wait, stop! - What? 1635 01:13:41,174 --> 01:13:42,907 - What? - Do you hear that? 1636 01:13:42,942 --> 01:13:45,276 -Hear what? 1637 01:13:45,311 --> 01:13:47,654 - What is that sound? - Oh, shit! 1638 01:13:47,689 --> 01:13:52,350 Well, maybe it's a bear or, or even worse, a monster! 1639 01:13:52,385 --> 01:13:53,825 Oh, damn, what's behind those bushes? 1640 01:13:55,388 --> 01:13:57,421 Oh, what beast is coming towards us! 1641 01:13:57,457 --> 01:13:59,168 Who are you! What are you! - (crackling) 1642 01:13:59,192 --> 01:14:00,257 Show yourself! (exclaims) 1643 01:14:00,293 --> 01:14:03,060 Oh, shit, worse than I thought. 1644 01:14:03,096 --> 01:14:05,463 Just kidding, baby. 1645 01:14:05,498 --> 01:14:05,672 - We're looking for the kids, they ran off. 1646 01:14:05,707 --> 01:14:09,233 - Is this some kind of joke, 'cause we're going to win? 1647 01:14:09,268 --> 01:14:10,346 -Oh, really, I'm just curious, 1648 01:14:10,370 --> 01:14:12,536 on what planet might that be true? 1649 01:14:12,572 --> 01:14:14,075 - Oh, I don't even know how you got in the lead. 1650 01:14:14,099 --> 01:14:16,333 -No, really, uh, uh... 1651 01:14:16,368 --> 01:14:17,928 Shan... Shantay... what? - Shantaysia. 1652 01:14:19,371 --> 01:14:20,236 - Oh, Shantaysia. - Can't get it right? 1653 01:14:20,272 --> 01:14:22,072 -No, I thought it was Shantay... 1654 01:14:22,107 --> 01:14:24,975 -(indistinct chatter) 1655 01:14:25,010 --> 01:14:28,278 -Anyway, she... 1656 01:14:28,313 --> 01:14:29,012 said something about the kids... 1657 01:14:29,047 --> 01:14:31,247 and a finish line. 1658 01:14:31,283 --> 01:14:33,950 - Wow! Is that a bat? - Really? 1659 01:14:33,986 --> 01:14:36,086 -Oh, Charlie. 1660 01:14:36,121 --> 01:14:38,321 -Is that another bat? 1661 01:14:38,357 --> 01:14:39,222 - I thought you were going to quit. 1662 01:14:39,257 --> 01:14:42,058 -No, no, no, wait, it that... 1663 01:14:42,094 --> 01:14:43,593 Is that three bats? 1664 01:14:43,629 --> 01:14:45,306 - I guess we'll never know what we could've been. 1665 01:14:45,330 --> 01:14:47,664 - No, no, no, no booze, no bottle. 1666 01:14:50,268 --> 01:14:52,602 Five, five, five... five bats. 1667 01:14:52,638 --> 01:14:56,130 - Oh, my God. Seriously! - No, no, no, I'm serious. 1668 01:14:56,166 --> 01:14:57,799 -(sinister music playing) 1669 01:14:57,834 --> 01:14:58,900 -Bats! 1670 01:14:58,935 --> 01:15:00,635 -(screaming) 1671 01:15:12,724 --> 01:15:16,184 - We can't stop. They say bats get stuck in your hair. 1672 01:15:16,219 --> 01:15:18,052 -No, no, no. That's a myth. 1673 01:15:18,088 --> 01:15:20,021 Total urban legend. 1674 01:15:20,056 --> 01:15:22,123 - Oh, shit. - Oh! 1675 01:15:22,158 --> 01:15:23,158 - (exclaiming) - What? 1676 01:15:24,494 --> 01:15:25,571 - There's a... there's a bat on your head. 1677 01:15:25,595 --> 01:15:29,330 - Guys, guys, guys, come on, I'm not a moron. 1678 01:15:29,366 --> 01:15:31,332 Clearly there's no bat on my head. 1679 01:15:31,368 --> 01:15:32,634 - How drunk are you? - Irrelevant. 1680 01:15:32,636 --> 01:15:35,536 - I promise you, son, there's a bat in your hair. 1681 01:15:35,572 --> 01:15:36,916 - Jose: Come on, Charlie! You don't feel that? 1682 01:15:36,940 --> 01:15:41,100 -(shrieks) 1683 01:15:41,135 --> 01:15:44,570 -Get it off! Get it off! 1684 01:15:44,606 --> 01:15:46,083 - Throw rocks at it, everybody, throw rocks at it. 1685 01:15:46,107 --> 01:15:47,907 -(indistinct chatter) 1686 01:15:47,942 --> 01:15:52,178 -(groaning) 1687 01:15:52,213 --> 01:15:53,179 -Enough with the damn rocks. 1688 01:15:53,214 --> 01:15:55,214 -Hit it with the bug racket! 1689 01:15:55,249 --> 01:15:55,881 - Yeah! - (everyone exclaiming) 1690 01:15:55,917 --> 01:15:57,650 -(groans) 1691 01:16:03,191 --> 01:16:03,990 -Not my head, not my head! 1692 01:16:04,025 --> 01:16:06,359 -Look, the kids! 1693 01:16:06,394 --> 01:16:08,661 - The finish line! - (all exclaiming) 1694 01:16:11,232 --> 01:16:13,265 -Oh, hey, thanks everybody! 1695 01:16:13,301 --> 01:16:15,901 Yeah, I'm fine. It's all good. 1696 01:16:15,937 --> 01:16:17,536 -(grunts) 1697 01:16:17,572 --> 01:16:20,632 - There was nothing about that... that I liked! 1698 01:16:26,974 --> 01:16:28,640 -(exclaiming) 1699 01:16:30,143 --> 01:16:31,643 -(intense music playing) 1700 01:16:44,024 --> 01:16:46,658 (all exclaiming) 1701 01:16:54,635 --> 01:16:57,777 - You kids did this? - Yeah! We don't want to go home. 1702 01:16:57,812 --> 01:17:00,672 - Us kids get along, how come you adults can't get along? 1703 01:17:02,934 --> 01:17:04,643 -Well, wow. 1704 01:17:04,678 --> 01:17:07,779 This is some muddy bullshit. But I'm damn impressed. 1705 01:17:07,814 --> 01:17:09,984 - Franklin: Yeah, but who's going to get a whooping first? 1706 01:17:10,008 --> 01:17:11,541 -Kids! Not bad. 1707 01:17:11,576 --> 01:17:15,178 You dug a hole, you filled it with mud and... 1708 01:17:15,213 --> 01:17:17,580 made it look like the trail. 1709 01:17:17,616 --> 01:17:20,083 And you caught yourselves a bunch of dumbass men. 1710 01:17:20,118 --> 01:17:22,318 You know what's funny? 1711 01:17:22,354 --> 01:17:25,321 Everyone covered in mud like this, 1712 01:17:25,357 --> 01:17:27,156 you just can't tell anybody apart. 1713 01:17:27,192 --> 01:17:29,258 There's a lesson in that. 1714 01:17:29,294 --> 01:17:32,862 A big obvious, freaking lesson. 1715 01:17:32,897 --> 01:17:36,599 -Preach! 1716 01:17:36,635 --> 01:17:40,169 - So, being that you can't tell anybody apart... 1717 01:17:40,205 --> 01:17:43,130 the bottom line is this... 1718 01:17:43,166 --> 01:17:44,632 are you an asshole or not? 1719 01:17:47,870 --> 01:17:50,471 -Uh-mmm. 1720 01:17:50,506 --> 01:17:52,084 - Choose wisely. - So, let's not be assholes. 1721 01:17:52,108 --> 01:17:54,875 And let's all just... 1722 01:17:54,911 --> 01:17:57,345 get along. 1723 01:17:57,380 --> 01:17:58,879 - In the words of Rodney King, girl. 1724 01:17:58,915 --> 01:18:01,616 -La raza! 1725 01:18:01,618 --> 01:18:03,851 - What does that mean, baby? - Just a Latin bonding. 1726 01:18:03,886 --> 01:18:04,761 -Got it. 1727 01:18:04,796 --> 01:18:10,057 - Hey, that was a really really nice speech, Fake Mom. 1728 01:18:10,093 --> 01:18:12,560 -Oh, well, that's... 1729 01:18:12,595 --> 01:18:13,906 still doing the Fake Mom stuff right after the... 1730 01:18:13,930 --> 01:18:17,164 -Cheyenne. 1731 01:18:17,200 --> 01:18:19,934 -You called me by my name! 1732 01:18:19,969 --> 01:18:21,135 Sweetheart! 1733 01:18:21,170 --> 01:18:23,471 I'm so touched by the... 1734 01:18:23,506 --> 01:18:25,497 You know, I've always felt that we had... 1735 01:18:25,533 --> 01:18:28,067 Okay, don't hit on 16, got it, don't hit on 16. 1736 01:18:28,102 --> 01:18:30,678 -(children shrieking) 1737 01:18:30,713 --> 01:18:34,306 - They said that tomato juice can get rid of skunk stink. 1738 01:18:34,342 --> 01:18:36,175 - (ice cream truck music playing) 1739 01:18:36,210 --> 01:18:38,377 -I hear the ice cream truck! 1740 01:18:38,412 --> 01:18:39,311 - Franklin: Oh, that's beautiful, Gravy. 1741 01:18:39,347 --> 01:18:41,313 - Hold up, hold up. Hey, hey, hey. 1742 01:18:41,349 --> 01:18:43,449 - Something's wrong with my knee. 1743 01:18:43,484 --> 01:18:45,028 - (groans) - Look, you're my brother, okay? 1744 01:18:45,052 --> 01:18:46,318 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1745 01:18:46,354 --> 01:18:47,714 - Listen to me, I'm talking to you. 1746 01:18:48,356 --> 01:18:49,716 - Yes! - Okay, and I love you, man. 1747 01:18:51,592 --> 01:18:53,392 And someday you are going to be married, bro. 1748 01:18:53,427 --> 01:18:54,960 Because if anybody can do it, you can. 1749 01:18:54,996 --> 01:18:56,595 -You think so? 1750 01:18:56,631 --> 01:18:58,408 - I think what he's trying to say, Pop, is that... 1751 01:18:58,432 --> 01:19:00,099 (clears throat) It's time to propose. 1752 01:19:00,134 --> 01:19:00,899 You know, to Charlie. 1753 01:19:00,935 --> 01:19:02,668 (laughter) 1754 01:19:04,472 --> 01:19:06,364 ♪ Felipa's going to get proposed to ♪ 1755 01:19:06,399 --> 01:19:07,999 ♪ Felipa's going to get proposed to ♪ 1756 01:19:08,034 --> 01:19:10,401 -MAN: You're next! 1757 01:19:10,437 --> 01:19:13,404 - Well, Franklin, you're down on one knee, 1758 01:19:13,440 --> 01:19:15,306 I think you better handle your business. 1759 01:19:15,342 --> 01:19:18,343 - Felipa... just follow your heart. 1760 01:19:18,378 --> 01:19:19,877 - What is this... are you'll for real? 1761 01:19:19,913 --> 01:19:22,180 -Oh... oh! 1762 01:19:22,215 --> 01:19:24,015 - Do it, Franklin. - Wow! 1763 01:19:24,050 --> 01:19:25,650 -Do it, Franklin. 1764 01:19:33,259 --> 01:19:35,259 - Will you marry me? - Yes. 1765 01:19:35,295 --> 01:19:36,928 - You will? - Yes, yes, yes, yes! 1766 01:19:36,963 --> 01:19:40,665 -(cheering) 1767 01:19:42,969 --> 01:19:44,836 - Oh! - Yes! 1768 01:19:44,871 --> 01:19:47,630 [♪ ♪] 1769 01:20:09,120 --> 01:20:12,088 -Felipa! We need help! 1770 01:20:12,123 --> 01:20:16,125 -I got you! I got you! 1771 01:20:16,160 --> 01:20:17,660 -We're getting married! 1772 01:20:22,467 --> 01:20:23,987 - (indistinct chatter) - (dogs barking) 1773 01:20:32,301 --> 01:20:34,301 - Excuse me. Hello. - Hi. Hi. Hi. 1774 01:20:34,337 --> 01:20:37,071 - Everybody. - I just want to say... 1775 01:20:37,106 --> 01:20:38,814 another 4th of July... 1776 01:20:38,850 --> 01:20:42,042 here we are again, I'm just so happy that we can all make it. 1777 01:20:42,078 --> 01:20:43,010 - Yes. - (whooping) 1778 01:20:43,045 --> 01:20:45,379 -All right. Yeah! 1779 01:20:45,414 --> 01:20:47,982 - Yay! Too bad Gravy couldn't make it. 1780 01:20:48,017 --> 01:20:50,384 -(all laughing) 1781 01:20:50,419 --> 01:20:51,463 - What? Am I supposed to be somewhere? 1782 01:20:51,487 --> 01:20:55,089 - Just kidding, bro. You're here. It's now. 1783 01:20:55,124 --> 01:20:56,457 -We're joking, Gravy. 1784 01:20:56,492 --> 01:20:59,026 - Um, hi, I'm Charlie and I'm an alcoholic. 1785 01:20:59,061 --> 01:21:00,127 -All: Hi, Charlie. 1786 01:21:00,162 --> 01:21:01,996 -I'm sorry, wrong group. 1787 01:21:02,031 --> 01:21:04,231 -(all laughing) 1788 01:21:04,266 --> 01:21:06,033 - Oh, check out this bad boy. 1789 01:21:06,068 --> 01:21:08,135 -Six months sober. 1790 01:21:08,170 --> 01:21:09,470 -(all exclaiming in awe) 1791 01:21:09,505 --> 01:21:12,532 - Look who the good influence is over here. 1792 01:21:12,567 --> 01:21:15,134 - It just looks like a poker chip painted green. 1793 01:21:15,170 --> 01:21:17,570 -Looks like a blue condom. 1794 01:21:17,606 --> 01:21:20,340 - Uh-uh. No. That is an IUD. That's what that is. 1795 01:21:20,375 --> 01:21:22,442 - Oh, gosh, I hope you washed it, man. 1796 01:21:22,477 --> 01:21:22,976 - Baby, no, no, no. It's just an onion ring. 1797 01:21:23,011 --> 01:21:24,652 -An onion ring? 1798 01:21:24,687 --> 01:21:27,614 - Yeah. You know, like from Mars. You know, Mars has... 1799 01:21:27,616 --> 01:21:30,316 - Mars? -Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars? 1800 01:21:30,352 --> 01:21:31,918 - What? -Good food, no atmosphere. 1801 01:21:31,953 --> 01:21:33,661 -(all laugh) 1802 01:21:33,696 --> 01:21:36,222 - Hey, you're getting the hang of these jokes, Gravy. 1803 01:21:36,257 --> 01:21:38,324 -I have a sobriety chip, too. 1804 01:21:38,360 --> 01:21:40,734 - Oh, there we go. - See this? Yup. 1805 01:21:40,770 --> 01:21:45,398 Lord, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change 1806 01:21:45,433 --> 01:21:48,401 and the courage to change what I can, 1807 01:21:48,436 --> 01:21:49,916 and the wisdom to know the difference. 1808 01:21:51,172 --> 01:21:54,173 - Hear, hear. - Cheers. 1809 01:21:54,209 --> 01:21:57,179 - Maybe he could grant you the ability to change a light bulb in the house, right? 1810 01:21:57,203 --> 01:21:58,970 Or put the toilet seat down? 1811 01:21:59,005 --> 01:22:00,538 -Go, Trophy Mom. 1812 01:22:00,573 --> 01:22:03,541 - Mmm-hmm. I know exactly what you talking about. 1813 01:22:03,576 --> 01:22:05,543 You wake up at 3:00 in the morning to go to pee 1814 01:22:05,578 --> 01:22:07,289 and then it's like you've fallen into a hammock. 1815 01:22:07,313 --> 01:22:09,055 Booty and everything, all wet. 1816 01:22:09,090 --> 01:22:13,860 - Oh, ladies and gentlemen, and it looks like the attitudes are heating up. 1817 01:22:13,895 --> 01:22:18,189 Bring out the bullhorns, it is time to go at it one more time. 1818 01:22:18,224 --> 01:22:19,657 Round two, one year later. 1819 01:22:23,463 --> 01:22:26,163 - Felipa, go ahead and show us that ring. 1820 01:22:26,199 --> 01:22:28,299 - Oh, yes, it's so heavy. 1821 01:22:28,334 --> 01:22:29,834 - (clears throat) - (exclaiming) 1822 01:22:29,869 --> 01:22:31,669 -Damn! 1823 01:22:33,406 --> 01:22:34,964 - Sorry. - Okay, hun. Well, you know... 1824 01:22:34,999 --> 01:22:36,707 -Very nice. Hey! 1825 01:22:36,743 --> 01:22:40,235 Francesca's got a ring, too. She got engaged with this guy. 1826 01:22:40,271 --> 01:22:42,204 Go ahead, Franny, show 'em. 1827 01:22:42,239 --> 01:22:44,015 - (all exclaim) - Very nice. 1828 01:22:44,050 --> 01:22:45,728 - Hey, when I become a millionaire, that thing's gonna be huge, all right? 1829 01:22:45,752 --> 01:22:49,954 - "A millionaire"? I'd be happy if you were a hundredaire. 1830 01:22:49,989 --> 01:22:54,617 - This idiot brother puts an air foil on the back of my plumbing van. 1831 01:22:54,619 --> 01:22:56,038 - Business has been kicking ever since we did that. 1832 01:22:56,062 --> 01:23:00,456 - Hey, Jose, could you shove that antennae back into your love handle, 1833 01:23:00,491 --> 01:23:02,324 I think the Giants are playing the Dodgers. 1834 01:23:02,360 --> 01:23:03,834 - Oh, ha-ha-ha. Yeah, I can do that. 1835 01:23:03,870 --> 01:23:06,073 You know, but I charge 14 bucks for the premium channels, fool. 1836 01:23:06,097 --> 01:23:07,097 -(children playing) 1837 01:23:08,633 --> 01:23:11,333 - Hey, y'all kids, keep it down over there! Okay? 1838 01:23:11,369 --> 01:23:13,302 This is not a library! - Chuckie! 1839 01:23:13,337 --> 01:23:15,897 Quit hitting your sister Sara. 1840 01:23:15,932 --> 01:23:17,398 Don't! Stop! 1841 01:23:17,434 --> 01:23:19,078 - Can I hit you, Dad? - Can I hit the dogs? 1842 01:23:19,102 --> 01:23:20,401 -Can I hit a cupcake? 1843 01:23:20,437 --> 01:23:22,014 - Me, too! - I want to hit one of those... 1844 01:23:22,038 --> 01:23:23,638 -(kids clamoring) 1845 01:23:25,542 --> 01:23:28,209 - All right. It's cool. Just hit her, it's fine. 1846 01:23:28,244 --> 01:23:30,111 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Yes? 1847 01:23:30,146 --> 01:23:31,646 - I have a toast. - Ah! 1848 01:23:34,417 --> 01:23:35,817 - All that I've ever wanted to be... 1849 01:23:37,120 --> 01:23:38,052 is whom I'm becoming. 1850 01:23:38,088 --> 01:23:39,654 - Nice. - Hear, hear. 1851 01:23:41,124 --> 01:23:42,657 - Cheers. - Hear, hear. 1852 01:23:53,036 --> 01:23:55,003 - Uh-oh. - Hey! 1853 01:23:55,038 --> 01:23:57,605 Hey, Gunga Din. 1854 01:23:57,641 --> 01:23:59,641 What are you doing here? This is our site. Site 16. 1855 01:24:00,168 --> 01:24:01,400 - No way! We have site 16. 1856 01:24:01,436 --> 01:24:04,570 - Oh, are you going to build a 7/11 here? 1857 01:24:04,606 --> 01:24:06,183 - Yeah, right next to your nail salon. - Oh, yeah. 1858 01:24:06,207 --> 01:24:08,274 -Oh, snap! Y'all hear that? 1859 01:24:08,309 --> 01:24:09,320 - What are you people doing here? 1860 01:24:09,344 --> 01:24:11,819 Finish up the gardening and go. 1861 01:24:11,855 --> 01:24:14,880 - Hey, things are heating up down there. I got one. I got one. 1862 01:24:14,916 --> 01:24:15,690 (feedback) 1863 01:24:15,725 --> 01:24:18,884 How do you know a Chinese guy broke into your house? 1864 01:24:18,920 --> 01:24:21,062 -All: How? 1865 01:24:21,097 --> 01:24:24,156 Your homework's all done and he takes an hour to pull out of your driveway. 1866 01:24:24,192 --> 01:24:26,225 Get it? - (all laughing) 1867 01:24:26,260 --> 01:24:28,361 - Come on, man. It's funny. 1868 01:24:28,396 --> 01:24:30,329 - Did he just say that? - Yeah, he did. 1869 01:24:30,365 --> 01:24:31,725 - Let me see that. Let me see that. 1870 01:24:33,635 --> 01:24:34,945 - What did St. Peter say when he saw the Indian guy? 1871 01:24:34,969 --> 01:24:36,302 -All: What? 1872 01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:38,004 - "Hey, Jesus, your cab's here." 1873 01:24:38,039 --> 01:24:40,164 -(all laughing) 1874 01:24:40,199 --> 01:24:41,276 -That was funnier than that. 1875 01:24:41,300 --> 01:24:43,400 - Okay, that's messed up. - Yeah. 1876 01:24:43,436 --> 01:24:46,537 - Hey, you guys still want campsite 16? 1877 01:24:46,572 --> 01:24:47,983 - Oh, I think we need to have a little contest. 1878 01:24:48,007 --> 01:24:49,007 -(all cheering) 1879 01:24:50,309 --> 01:24:51,642 - Contest? - What kind of contest? 1880 01:24:53,012 --> 01:24:55,145 -It's over now! 1881 01:24:55,181 --> 01:24:58,415 -No math contest and no... 1882 01:24:58,451 --> 01:25:00,317 - Yeah, no math and no science questions. 1883 01:25:00,353 --> 01:25:02,252 - Yeah. - (indistinct conversations) 1884 01:25:02,288 --> 01:25:03,654 -(upbeat country music playing) 1885 01:25:43,120 --> 01:25:44,653 -(blues music playing) 1886 01:26:57,144 --> 01:26:58,644 -(upbeat piano playing) 1887 01:27:18,099 --> 01:27:25,921 -(crickets chirping) 140018