All language subtitles for Curb Your Enthusiasm - S01xE09 - Affirmative Action

Did I do something?

Well, why do I have to meet you?

Well, I don't really see
what the benefit is

in telling me, in person,

as opposed to
telling me on the phone,

it's the same thing.

Well, just pretend we're blind,

what's the matter with that?

Yeah, well, that's
what it is for them.

Hey, my wife is home.

Hello.

Hi, who are you talking to?

Richard Lewis.

I've been ordered off the phone.

Okay, I'll meet you
there in 10 minutes.

Alright, very good.

What did the doctor say?

Well, he said that
I have dermatitis.

Really?

Yeah.

But, if I get this filled

and put it on, it'll be fine.

You don't have to back up,

I don't think it's contagious.

Is it contagious?

How'd you get that, what is it?

I have no idea, it's a virus.

But he said if I take this
three times a day,

rub it on, it'll be fine.

I'm passing it over to you

because I'm hoping that you'll
take it to the drugstore.

Alright, um, I have to meet
Richard Lewis first,

he wants to talk to me
about something.

God knows.

I thought we were
going to dinner.

No, we are, so, I'll get
the prescription filled

after I talk to him,
and you know what?

Can I just meet you
at the restaurant?

Because it doesn't pay for me...

Then we're gonna have two cars...

I don't wanna have to come all
the way back here to get you,

it's right by the restaurant.

I'd rather not take my car.

Can't Rosa take you?
She drives right by there.

Huh?

Okay, that's fine, yeah.

So, at 6:00, then?

6:00.

Okay.

At the byzantine, and
I'll get your thing filled.

Okay, thanks.alr.

Larry, thanks for coming out.

I know you're busy, and...

I'm just curious as to
what you wanna tell me.

It's not easy
for me to say this,

it's been bugging me
for a while and,

I think we're at
some kind of crossroads.

You don't call me,
I'm always initiating.

I ask you to do things,
I ask you,

whatever I do, it's
always coming from my end

and I feel like
if I never called you,

I'd fall off
the face of the earth

and we wouldn't
be friends anymore,

and, my shrink actually told
me to confront you on this,

and, uh, and I am,
so, that's it.

Can I be honest with you?

I hope so.

It's Sofia, you know,

it's your girlfriend.

Sofia?

Yeah.

I don't get along with her,

and, so, I tend not to call,

or get together...

You actually think that's fair?

I mean, this is my girlfriend.

Well, I don't know if it's fair,

it's just that's
what's stopping me,

that's why I haven't
been calling.

She's an extension
of my life for chrissake,

I mean, it's like, I love...

You know, your wife,
she's embarrassed me

a couple of times, even in jest,

and I don't say, "I don't wanna"

be your friend anymore."

I don't know, I just don't think

a friend can just bolt
from a friendship.

Alright, Cheryl and I are
going out to dinner tonight,

why don't the two
of you join us?

But, why do you wanna do that?

'Cause I wanna make up
and start all over.

Really?

You're not just doing this to...

I appreciate it, but, I mean,

she's part of my life, Sofia.

I know, and, I wanna try
and be friends with her.

This is a very
nice gesture, and,

oh, tonight?

Oh, fuck, I can't,
we're doing something early.

Can you come over
after dinner and have

coffee and dessert or
something at our place?

Yeah, we won't have dessert.

We'll come over
for dessert and coffee.

Fantastic.

Justin?

Lewis.

How ya doing?

Hey, man.

Good to see you, man,
what's happening?

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm funky.

Dr. grambs, this is my friend,

Larry David.

This is my dermatologist.

Really?

Oh, yeah, what,
for 15 years already?

Even with the whole
affirmative action thing?

I'm sorry, I beg
your pardon, what?

Yeah, what do you mean?

It was a joke.

"The whole affirmative
action thing"?

It was a joke.

He's like a buddy.

I know him, I mean,
he's a sweetheart.

The implication being
that I wasn't good enough

to be a dermatologist?

No, no, come on,
no, it was joke.

He's a liberal,
he's like you and me.

So, if I wasn't black

he would have said
the same thing or,

or not.

Do you see my point?

Yeah, I see it in
a historical sense,

but, not in a nice day sense.

You know, Richard,
I've worked too hard

and too long at this,
I can't do it.

I don't know what his trip is,
but, I can't do it.

I don't have any trip,
no, it was joke!

Holy shit! What hit you?

It was a joke.

I know it's a joke,
but, you sounded like

pat Buchanan's gym partner
for chrissakes!

I was just trying to be affable.

Look, I'll see you tonight,

hopefully, we'll
resolve, you know.

I tend to say stupid things
to black people sometimes.

That's like gonna be
in the time capsule

for chrissake!

Look, I'll see you later on.

I was just trying to be affable.

Hey, I'm so glad you're here.

I know, this place is crazy.

There's no tables,

you couldn't get a reservation,

we're on a waiting list.

Can you give me my prescription?

I think I'm gonna go
to the ladies' room, and,

put some on.

What?

Shoot, I forgot it.

I'm sorry, I was
so discombobulated

because, oh, my god,

I completely humiliated myself.

What happened?

I was with Richard Lewis,
and we were talking,

and then he ran into his friend,

this black doctor,

and, I made some terrible joke

about affirmative action,

and it was beyond awful.

I'm sure you're
making it out to be

more than it was.

No, I'm making it out
to be less than it was.

And he took it the wrong way.

Why would you even make
a joke about that?

Because, I don't know,
I was trying to be affable.

I was trying
too hard to be affable.

Why even joke about it, though?

I made a mistake,
it was a stupid thing to say.

I'm a schmuck, I don't know,
I did a schmucky thing.

Did you apologize?

Of course I apologized.

Well, I have to say
I'm not real happy,

right now, because...

Well, we'll have dinner

and then we'll go
right to the drugstore.

No problem.

You know what the problem is?

Is that it's gonna be
hours before we get there

because we're not even
gonna have a seat,

until, I don't know,
like an hour.

Really.

Yeah, and I'm
starving, you know.

Let's try something here.

What are you doing?

You have a little plan?

I got a little plan.

Yeah?

Well, what do you think?

Yeah, sure.

Men do this, right?

I've seen men do it.

Haven't we seen this?

I've seen men do it in movies.

Good evening, sir,
welcome to the byzantine.

Um, I was curious about,
how long is the wait?

Oh, I'm afraid it looks like,

45 minutes to an hour.

45 minutes to an hour,
no way to get in?

No, we're very crowded
this evening, sir.

Right now we're very full.

Nothing else can be done?

Well, nothing that
I can think of, sir.

Things are done, right,
aren't things done?

I hear things are done.

From time to time.

Anything you can do...

Actually, I think we can
accommodate you right now.

Would you like to follow me?

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Enjoy your dinner.

Okay! Okay!

Wow, I'm pretty impressed.

Come on, give it to me!

I'm very, very
impressed, I really am.

No big deal.

I am extremely attracted
to you right now.

That's 'cause it's criminal.

Is it?

Because women
are attracted to criminals,

and they do that all the time.

You know, you could
do that all the time.

Just walk around, and,
cut in line any time you want.

Alright, do it all the time now,

we'll never have to wait.

Should I feel guilty about it?

Why, because all those
people are still waiting?

Well, I can't stop
to think about it

because I'm starving.

How can a handicapped person

use a non-motorized wheelchair?

I don't get that.

What's the point to it?

To me, that's your big priority.

Well, maybe he likes
the exercise.

I'm sure you get used to it.

Well, can't he get one
that has both?

Motor and non-motor?
Then you could do both.

You want exercise, you exercise,

you want the motor,
you got the motor.

This way you have no options.

You gotta do this
the whole time.

If you're not in a hurry
to get somewhere,

why not?

There's Ted harbert.

Who's Ted harbert?

He used to be
the president of abc,

now he runs nbc studios.

I have to go to the bathroom,

I'm gonna have to walk
right by that table.

What's wrong with that,
you don't like him?

He just makes
the worst small talk,

and, it's gonna be so,
I'll never get out of there.

Just don't stop.

Just keep walking
and say, hello.

You have to stop,

you can't just say
hello and walk on.

Ooh, sea bass.

You know what?

There's a restaurant
two doors down,

I'm gonna go in there.

Okay, I'm gonna go to
the bathroom in there.

You're gonna leave
this restaurant

to go use the bathroom
somewhere else?

Are you out of your mind?

No, I don't wanna say hello,

I don't like those hellos.

Men's room?

Larry, Larry David, Larry David.

How ya doing?

Okay.

Do you remember me,
Denise pendergrass?

We had a meeting
a few years ago?

I met with you about that
film project you were doing.

Oh, "sour grapes",
the line producer.

Yes, I remember.

Oh, you know what?
I'm so glad I ran into you.

'Cause we had
a really nice meeting,

and, you know, you said
my resume looked great

and you said I was qualified,

and, then, I didn't
hear from you

and, all these years
I wondered, what happened?

'Cause I really wanted
to work with you,

and, what was the person's
name that got that job?

What was, what?

Barry.

Oh, Barry, Barry,
a friend of yours, or...

Friend of my wife.

A friend of your wife.

A black friend?

No.

This is the thing, I had
a couple of margaritas,

but, I'm not gonna hold back.

I just was wondering,

why do you have a problem

giving somebody like me a job?

What? A problem?

What are you saying,
what are you talking about?

There's a lot of people
interviewed for that.

Yeah, a lot of people,
but, you and I,

we had a rapport.

We did, but, the guy
knew my wife, I mean,

that's all it was.

I know what you're
implying, but,

what you're saying is terrible.

What I'm saying is that
I watched your show, "Seinfeld"

for how many, seven,
eight years on the air,

and, not-a-one black person,

and, I lived in New York
for several years,

and there is a plethora
of black people in New York,

but, somehow, Elaine can
never have a black girlfriend,

Jerry never had any
black girlfriends,

in their little
circle of friends,

nobody looked like me.

I mean, what is that about?

Is it a black thing
with Larry David?

There's no black thing,
it's a nothing!

No, no, no, a sister like me

can kinda see through
things like this,

and I want you to know

that I think I got
your number now.

There's no number,
you don't have a number!

There's no number to have,
I don't have a number!

I saw "sour grapes", and,
the title was very apropos,

and maybe it was a blessing
in disguise for me

that I did not get that job.

And, I just hope you have
a very nice dinner.

Thank you, Mr. Larry David.

Where have you been?

Sorry.

We haven't even ordered
and I'm dying.

I got accosted by this woman

outside the men's room
at this restaurant,

and she interviewed
for a job on "sour..."

Hey, Ted!

Hey, Larry, how are you?

Nice seeing you, how ya doing?

Good, this is my wife, Cheryl.

This is Ted harbert.

Ted harbert, nice to
see ya, how ya doing?

You guys just sitting down?

Yeah, yeah, just about to order.

Hey, so, you been
playing any golf lately?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, playing okay?

Yeah, so-so.

At my club I got
a member guest next month,

get a couple other guys,

you wanna make a day out of it?

( Male ) okay, we're all set.

It's 10 days, make sure
you take all 10 days.

And watch the dairy.

Okay.

And I specifically
said, "no feta cheese",

I mean, do they have
to put feta cheese in?

I said, you heard
me say it, right?

I know, I did hear you say it.

Hi.

Hello.

Um, just need this
prescription filled out,

as soon as possible.

Oh, sure.

I've got dermatitis,
yeah, and it's...

Well, we'll get it
taken care of.

Thank you.

As soon as he finds it,

we'll get this thing rolling.

( Male ) take your time.

What's wrong?

I think I gave the maitre d'
the prescription.

My prescription?

Yeah, 'cause look...

Why would you do that,
that doesn't make sense.

There's a $20 bill
folded in my pocket.

This was supposed to be
for the maitre d',

what's it doing in my pocket?

I don't know,

I gave you the prescription
this afternoon.

I know, and I folded it up

and it was in the same
pocket as the 20,

and I must have
put my hand in my pocket

and pulled out...

Did you not look at it, Larry?

It felt like the 20.

I don't understand
how that could happen.

They were folded up,
they felt alike!

Did he look at it?

No, they take it and
put it in their pocket.

Why would I have the 20 on me?

This was the 20 that was
designated for the maitre d'!

Come on, let's just go
back to the restaurant.

Oh, my god!

Why don't we just
call your doctor?

Because you can't call
my doctor on the weekends

unless it's a
life-threatening emergency.

What?

Yeah, if you call his machine,

it'll tell you
you can't page him.

You called up and
that's what it said?

Yeah.

That is obscene, you know that?

"Can't disturb the doctor
on the weekend.

"Don't call Dr. zeppler

"on the weekend unless
it's life threatening.

"Norman, is somebody calling?

"Who's calling?

"We're in the middle
of dinner, Norman!

"This better be
life threatening Norman,

or you're not gonna
leave this house!"

Come on, please,
I'm begging you.

"Norman,

"unless they were
burned in a fire,

"I don't want you getting
up from your chair,

do you understand, Norman?!"

Ugh!

Okay, I owe you a huge apology,

I'm so sorry.

When I was in earlier,

I thought I was giving you money

and I gave you
my wife's prescription.

I remember.

She really needs it. I reall.

Do you have it?

You'll find it in a trash can

right through
those double doors.

Help yourself.

Oh, wait a second.

Did you find it? Do you see it?

Eww, eww, eww!

No, that wasn't it.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

You didn't happen to see

a piece of paper here earlier,

a little white prescription
piece of paper?

No, no.

( Yelling )

I've been looking
all over Cheryl,

I can't find it!

You want me to get in the can?

If that's what it takes,
Larry, I guess, yeah.

What about an emergency room?

Let's go to an emergency room?

No, are you kidding?

We'd sit there for eight hours.

This is a very
pleasant activity.

Maybe you can lock me in
a toilet after this, huh?

Maybe you could pick up
my prescription

when I ask you the first time

and then none of this
would have happened.

Wait a second.

What about Richard's friend?

He's a dermatologist,
the guy I offended today.

The black guy?
He's a dermatologist?

Yes, we're going over
to Richard's anyway.

I could call him up
and apologize

and maybe he could phone in
the prescription for us.

Yeah, yeah, let's try that.

Eww!

Hi! Hey!

Hey, how are you,
good to see you.

( Cheryl ) oh, actually,
you know what?

You don't wanna get
too close to me right now.

( Larry ) we had a bit
of a problem here.

Relax, we'll talk it out.

Sofia's on the phone,
she'll be off in a second.

We're not really
gonna be able to...

What do you mean?

Because, um...

I've got a skin
problem right now.

It's this dermatitis
and it's spreading,

is the problem, Richard.

We've been driving all night

because I had a prescription...

I didn't lose it, whatever,

we don't have it anymore.

Why don't you call your doctor?

I can't call him
on the weekends.

It's hard to
bother these people.

The thing is, we don't
know any doctors,

we don't know anybody
who can help her.

The only guy I could think of

is your friend from,
the dermatologist.

The guy from today, Justin?

Maybe if you could just call him

and he could call in
a prescription.

Wow, I mean, you can imagine,

you were like, James Earl
ray today with this guy.

I know, I know.

I'll do it, I'm doing it...

Just tell him I'll apologize,

you know, I wanna talk to him.

I'm so sorry about
what happened.

Like a nightmare call.

I'm sorry for making
you do it, believe me.

We really appreciate it.

Honey, hello,
the Davids are here.

Hi!

( Richard ) listen, she
has a medical emergency.

Honey, baby, I'm on the phone.

I'm on the phone,
I'm on the phone.

We don't even know if the guy's

gonna be home or not.

Honey, enough, hey, darling!

I'm on the phone, I'm sorry.

I'm on the phone,
just one second.

She has a medical emergency,

she has a tremendous rash.

Hey, hey, you know what?

Just get the number,
we'll call in the car.

Will you hang up the phone?!

Are you happy?

Yes, I'm very happy.

Oh, good, now we're all happy.

You're happy,
he's happy, I'm happy.

She's sick and you're
not, how's that?

Jesus Christ,

I'm so fucking embarrassed
by all this shit.

I'm really sorry about this.

No, no, don't be sorry.

Dr. grambs?

Hi, I'm sorry to
call you on a weekend.

Yeah, it's Lewis.

Richard, I just hung up
with my agent on the phone

without even saying goodbye.

( Larry ) this is a
very important call.

Mind your own
fucking business here,

this is not your business.

It is my business!

( Richard ) he really
feels horrible about it,

but, his wife has this,
what's it called?

( Cheryl ) dermatitis.

Dermatitis and what?

He's funny, yeah,
he didn't mean it,

he wants to apologize profusely.

The last thing he would
ever mean is something...

I need to help them, I'm lost.

She's very sick,
she can't reach her doctor,

and she needs to
get a prescription,

otherwise this
thing's gonna spread,

and, I really wanna
come through for them.

Really?

Oh, you're unbelievable.

He says, if you come
over to the house,

he can't prescribe
over the phone,

it's unethical, but,
you'll do that?

Of course, are you kidding?

Doctor, you're really the best.

What's your address?

Yeah, hold on,
what's the number?

Okay, thanks.

Thank you, so much.

Oh, Christ.

How do you get there?

Call the triple a,
just get better.

Nice to see you again!

Nice to see you, too.

( Navigator ) right turn ahead.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, I did hear it.

The navigation system!

I figured it out, it's working!

It's telling us
exactly how to go

to the doctor's house!

Oh, I can't wait
to call my parents.

They are gonna be
so proud of me!

When I tell my father

I figured out that
navigation system,

he's gonna flip his wig,
and he's got one, too.

Can we turn on the radio?

Oh, he's gonna be very
proud of Larry,

figuring out
the navigation system!

Please.

Ooh, daddy, I'm not so stupid!

Can we turn on the radio?

No, 'cause then we won't be able

to hear the navigator.

( Navigator ) right turn ahead.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Larry David,
this is my wife, Cheryl.

We're a friend of
Richard Lewis, he called.

Yes, yes, yes, hi, I'm Donna,

my husband's in the living room.

Please, come in.

Oh, thank you, thank you
so much for having us.

Sorry to disturb you

at the beginning
of your weekend.

Well, that's okay,
I mean, the best laid plans

always will change,
so let's not worry about it.

Come on in.

( Male ) I think black
people have a mistrust

of the medical profession

because of the vestiges
of that experiment.

Please, come in.

I hope we're not
disturbing anything.

Excuse me, sweetie.

Everybody, this is Larry David,

and his wife, Cheryl.

( Exchanging greetings )

Hi, how ya doing, hi.

Mrs. David,
a pleasure to meet you.

It is so nice to meet you,
thank you, so much.

We've had quite a time tonight,

and I really appreciate you.

It's so nice of you to do this,

we appreciate it so much.

I'm glad I could
be of help, no problem.

Let's go take a look at that.

And, again, I'm so sorry about,

god almighty, I can't
believe I said that.

I think I might
have overreacted.

No, I don't think so,

it was completely
idiotic, really.

Justin, what did he say?

Uh...

We'd like to hear it.

Larry, this is professor roget,

from Cal-tech physics.

What was said,
we'd like to hear it.

We'd like to know.

Believe me, you don't
wanna hear this.

( Male ) what is it,
we'd love to hear it.

Why not?

What? You're kidding.

Come on, it was nothing,
believe me, it was nothing.

You're having a nice party here.

Eat, you got
peanuts and cookies.

You're probably having a very
stimulating conversation

until we came in,
so, believe me,

my advice to you,
go back, because...

( Female ) Larry, Larry, Larry,

you're apologizing.

Apologizing for nothing?

I wish it was something,
I wish it was something.

I am apologizing for
pretty much nothing.

It is nothing,
it's so unimportant.

Oh, come on, Larry,
please, share with us.

( Professor ) come on,
spit it out, Larry.

It sounds interesting.

I'll make a deal
with you folks, okay?

We'll tell you what it was,
and then we can move on.

( All in agreement )

( Donna ) alright, Larry.

( Female )
come on, share with us!

Let us hear about it.

I was walking along,
with my friend,

near the beach in Santa Monica,

and Dr. grambs comes jogging by,

and, he's in very
good shape, this man,

by the way, very good shape.

( Female ) come on, let's
not beat around the bush.

Come on, let's go.

Well...

I said, um...

When he introduced me
to Dr. grambs,

he told me that he's a patient
of Dr. grambs, and I said,

"you let him work on you

even with the whole
affirmative action thing?"

( Nervous laughter )

You know, 'cause...

It was a joke, I'm just,
it was a bad joke.

I was trying to be too affable.

I went overboard
in my affability.

Are you in favor of
affirmative action?

Completely in favor of it,
are you kidding?

I don't think white people
should have anything!

I think we should be
sleeping on the street

eating crumbs,
and we should be that way

for a couple of hundred years

and I'm not even
joking about that.

And, guys, I've learned
that he's a comedian,

he makes funny lines
all the time,

I overreacted.

And he knocked it off
the top off his head.

He's much better when
he has a chance to write it

and look it over.

So, maybe he's learned
a lesson from all this?

Yeah, you can say that again.

I was about to
say "sister", but...

Okay, everyone,
so, please, Mrs. David,

let me take a look
at that arm, please.

Ah, thank you, yes, okay.

Larry David, Mr. Larry David.

Twice in one evening,
I'm on a roll.

My friends, this is Larry David,

the man who refused to hire
a sister for a job

for which I was
clearly qualified,

because he's a racist,
a bona fide racist,

who preferred not to work
with any black people

under any circumstances,

and gives all the good jobs

to his white wife's
white friends.

Good evening.

I think you better
call the doctor.

I'm not allowed to call
the doctor on the weekend.

I don't think we have a choice,

I think we have to call him.

We're out of options,
really, come on.

Alright, I'm gonna call him,
I'm gonna page him.

Oh, wait, so what
number do I put in?

Put in our home number,
we'll be home in a minute.

( Phone dialing )

Alright, he's paged, that's it.

Great.

It's done.

Oh, god!

What's he gonna do, what's
the worst that could happen?

I don't know.

What's he gonna do, kill us?

* ( horror music plays )

( Theme from "psycho" playing )

( Phone ringing )

Hello?

Dad, I can't talk
to you right now!

No, I'll call you back.

( Phone ringing )

Hello? Dr. zeppler?

Hi, it's Cheryl David.

I lost the prescription you
gave me earlier this afternoon

and I desperately need
another one right away.

A life threatening emergency?

You could scratch
yourself to death!

I could scratch myself to death

if it goes untreated,
I mean, I don't know,

it the longs drugstore
on the westside.

Thank you.

No, I won't ever call you
on the weekend again,

thank you, so much.

Won't ever call you
on the weekend?

Oh, my god, what
a jerk this guy is.

At least we got it, we got it.

Get yourself a new doctor,
this guy's an idiot.

Alright, I'm gonna
go pick it up.

Do you want me to go with you?

No, go take a hot bath
and I'll be back in, uh,

12, 15 minutes.

Okay.

( Male ) okay, the doctor
says you just wanna get

your prescriptions
renewed on time, okay?

Now, in terms of this,

it's just two quick shots,

pay for that up front, okay?

And good luck with that.

Okay, Mr. Brazil, Brazil...

Um, excuse me, I'm sorry,

my doctor called in
a prescription for my wife.

Your name?

David, yeah, Dr. zeppler.

Oh, zeppler, yes, we got that.

It's gonna be about 45
minutes to an hour, okay?

Uh, Mr. Brazil.

I mean, it's really,
it's an emergency,

I'm not kidding.

She's really scratching,
she's broken out all over.

I understand, sir.

It's gonna be about
45 minutes to an hour,

you see, we have a backup.

Okay, just read all
the indications on it,

it's very important,
pay for that up front.

Okay, uh, next is
guyaphone, guyaphone.

Oh, okay.

Alright, this is pretty simple,

but I wanna make sure
that you read all...

I haven't forgotten
about you, Mr. filpot,

it's just gonna be
a couple more minutes,

I'm not quite ready for you.

We need to get straightened out.

Um, I'm sorry, uh.

Yes.

Is there anything that
can be done about this?

Done? I don't understand.

You know, I hear
things are done.

Things are done... What is this?

Are you trying to bribe me?

No, no.

You think you can bribe me?

Do I look like I can be bribed?

Are you trying to
bribe a pharmacist?

No, I'm paying in advance.

Take your money!

Nobody bribes a pharmacist!

Get out, right now!

I'm sorry.

Security, security!

I'll remember you, buddy!

( Scratching )

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