Original subtitles

Guess what I'm getting.

A '57 Chevy.

Really?

My neighbor's selling one, a convertible!

Yeah? how come you're doing that?

I want one, why not?

You got any spare change?

I got nothing, man.

You want this?

What is it?

What is it? It's tuna.

I don't like tuna.

Alright.

The guy doesn't like tuna.

( Cheryl chattering )

Oh, well, isn't this nice?

Oh, look who's here.

Hi Julie, how you doing?

She's just returning "sour grapes".

Oh.

Yeah.

What'd you think?

Don't put her on the spot.

Oh, come on, I can ask.

Oh no, oh god.

Yeah, i-i-i enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it, it was interesting.

It's like, it was such a perfect length.

That's my specialty, length.

I thought it was a good length.

And the width, what about the width?

There's some good width in that movie, come on.

Yeah, okay.

No, I thought it was, uh, i thought it was interesting.

And the expressions sometimes on the characters' faces...

I thought I would, you know.

You've seen it.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, there was some real fun stuff.

Good, I'm glad you liked it.

Fun stuff.

Fun, fun stuff.

You're doing, uh...

No, Johnny Carson used to say that.

Okay, I thought that's what...

Fun stuff.

He's really good at impersonations.

Oh.

What, do you have to be sarcastic?

I could barely tell what you were doing!

Yeah, okay, fine.

Well, thanks so much for loaning it to me.

I've actually gotta get running, so...

I will see you guys at the dinner party on Friday night.

Right, right, if it still goes.

Our caterer just canceled, so...

Yeah.

The caterer canceled?

Yeah.

How come?

Personal reasons.

Personal reasons?

She just said, "I've got personal reasons."

You can get away with anything, you say that.

Nobody ever has to explain themselves.

Yeah, because they make it sound like

they don't wanna talk about it anymore.

You should call Jeff's neighbor.

Why?

She's a caterer.

Oh, alright, well, we'll think...

Jeff says she's great, don't dismiss it so quickly.

Well, it's Jeff.

Hey, this guy, if he knows anything, he knows food.

Believe me, you could trust him on food.

Alright, well, and she's good.

He thinks she's great, yeah.

Well, we're in dire straits, fine.

Call Jeff's neighbor.

Well, I look forward to seeing you guys.

Yeah, I can't wait to see you and pat.

And, get back to me about the invitation.

By Julie.

( Julie ) I will do that, bye.

( Cheryl ) and we'll talk.

( Julie ) okay, great, see ya.

Oh, um, do me a favor.

Call me back and leave me the number of your neighbor,

the caterer.

Much appreciated, bye.

Well, I think she really liked it.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Do me a favor, will ya?

Please don't give this tape to your friends anymore,

the tape of the movie.

She said she liked it.

She didn't like the movie,

"enjoy" does not mean "like"...

She wouldn't say something that she didn't mean.

But she didn't mean anything that she said.

You just, you don't know her that well.

Maybe on Friday you'll get to know her a little bit better...

Do you have to he this dinner party?

Why do you do this with these dinner parties?

What is this compulsive, to have people over your house

and serve them food and talk to them?

It's fun, it's a little gathering, a little party.

Like, why can't you just sort of lighten up

and have a good time?

People from Brooklyn don't walk around like that.

We are in California now.

You've gotta try a different way.

I'd like to make a little bet with you

that I'm not close to having a good time.

Do you wanna make a bet?

And I won't not have a good time on purpose.

No, I feel like you will.

We'll make a bet and see if I have a good time.

You already decided that you're not gonna have a good time.

I didn't decide that, I'm gonna try,

but I know that that I won't.

I'll make a bet.

Blow job in the car.

A blow job in the car.

Okay.

How 'bout a side bet?

Depends on where we're going.

Well, I think she'll dig doing your party.

Her food's awesome.

She's a great caterer.

Yeah, you know what?

Until I moved to Los Angeles

I was never in the same room as a caterer.

Ever, once.

You can give me a Swanson's Turkey dinner and I could care less.

The potatoes are great in Swanson's Turkey dinner.

I used to like the fried chicken one.

Oh, that's good too.

Yeah, wasn't that good?

Man.

Alright, I'm gonna get out of here.

Larry, I need to talk to you about something very serious.

Really?

Yep.

What is it?

What, did I do something?

Yes, you did.

What? what did I do?

You never congratulated me on my new car.

What, are you kidding?

No, I'm not kidding, i was pretty hurt by that.

I never congratulated you on your new car?

You walked all the way over from your desk to sit here to tell me that?

Yeah, I didn't know how I was gonna tell you.

It's not like having a kid.

I didn't know that congratulations were in order

when you get a new car, i really didn't know that.

They were, they were.

Well, I'm sorry I didn't congratulate you on your car.

Congratulations, I'm sorry.

Let's take a drive.

What, now?

Now, it'll make you feel great, it's fun!

You'll feel good driving it.

Me drive it?

Right now, i want you to drive it.

The car is fun!

Come on.

Let's go, alright!

This is fantastic.

It's unbelievable, isn't it?

What a car, yeah.

Now you know what I'm talking about.

I could see why you got hurt when I didn't congratulate you.

This is a big deal.

All original, everything's the same.

Amazing, put the radio on.

What'd you pay for this?

It's personal.

Personal? what are you, insane?

It's personal, everything's personal.

It's personal.

God.

Let's go back already, I'm uncomfortable driving it.

I'd like to go back, I'd like to go back.

No, we'll go back in a little while.

Drive a little bit more.

( Radio announcer ) aamco, double "a" ( honking ) m-c-o.

Hey, it's a stop sign over here, okay?!

( Male ) I didn't honk at you, you fucking asshole!

It's the radio!

( Crashing sound )

Hey!

What are you, nuts?!

Fucking idiot.

( Male ) fucking asshole!

Look at the license plate, get the license plate!

Um, 4-y something.

"4-y something."

"4-y something"!

Ow!

Holy shit!

The guy could've killed us!

It was the radio, it was the radio!

Is looking at it gonna make it better?

Let's go, come on!

I thought he beeped me.

Haven't you ever heard that commercial before?

Double "a", beep, beep, m-c-o.

Everyone's heard that commercial.

I'm really sorry.

It was my idea to have you drive, but you know what?

What the hell is that?

What is that?!

What's that noise?

Oh, this is great.

Larry, aamco.

Double "a", beep, beep, m-c-o.

It sounded like his horn.

( Male ) we actually just got the contract for diet rite.

To do all the injection molding.

( Julie ) i imagine Cheryl told you.

What's been going on with pat's company?

We are moving from, get this,

we're moving from Covina to downey.

So I've got two lines up in downey,

and two lines going in Covina.

( Julie ) it's just been, you know.

The books are split between Covina and downey,

and it's about a 35, 40-minute drive between the two.

Oh, boy, it's gotta be a pain in the neck.

We've been trying to clock exactly, you know,

how much time, hopefully, everyone's gonna be saving.

You know, because it is a few miles.

It's a few miles, well, it's closer

and you get to take the 710 versus the 10.

He's moving to Covina.

What's that?

They're moving to, what, downey?

Julie was telling me that.

It's like a six mile, it's like a difference.

It'll save us a lot of time.

Wow.

If you guys are ever down there, you should swing by.

Oh, yeah, we'll give you a tour.

To the, uh, offices, yeah.

Yeah, let's talk and figure out a time.

Definitely.

Larry, you remember Allison and Kevin.

Hello.

( Cheryl ) they just went on a cruise.

Oh, Larry, you gotta take this little lady on a cruise.

Okay.

I know where I'm gonna take this little lady.

Excuse me for one second.

Let me tell you, cruising is,

it's the best trip we've ever had.

Did we not see a show on that boat.

We saw a production of "Annie get your gun" that was so...

It was better than anything I've seen.

Really.

The girl who played Annie, oh.

This girl who played Annie,

and we spent time with her.

Annie's a little girl, or an adult?

"Annie get your gun", it's not Annie.

Oh, not little Annie.

No, not with the dog, no, no, no.

I was wondering, she gonna be on both?

But this is a young, this would be,

like, keri Russell-style, you know, Felicity.

Oh, totally...

Hi.

How are you doing?

Good, how are you doing?

Good.

I was just admiring your art here.

Oh, yeah.

I'm Mike Duffy, how are you?

Mike, hi, Larry David.

Hey, listen, I know who you are.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Uh, nice house you have here.

Thank you.

So, listen, you mind if I ask you a question?

We watch the Seinfeld show, right?

But, we didn't watch it when it was on,

and now it's on the reruns...

Mm-hmm, right.

Do you get paid every time they show that?

Yeah.

Wow, that's great.

I was just thinking the other day

how great it would be if aamco paid me

for transmissions that i fixed six years ago.

That's good, that's good how you just did that.

Cheryl?

He's very good, you told him about the aamco thing?

( Cheryl ) no...

Very funny.

I work for aamco.

Very funny joke.

I work for aamco.

No, I'm not kidding you, I do.

Oh, of course, he's terrific.

He does work for aamco.

Why would I make that up?

You're shitting me, you own an aamco station?

Yeah, three of them, actually.

You're not gonna believe what happened to me.

What?

My friend got this '57 Chevy.

Oh, great, '57 Chevy, i love those cars.

So, I'm driving the car

and this aamco commercial comes on the radio.

Double "a"...

Beep-beep!

Right, beep-beep!

Yeah, m-c-o.

I thought the beeps were real.

Oh, no, no, it's in the commercial.

I thought the guy behind me was beeping.

And so I turned around,

and I started yelling at the guy.

And then he started yelling back at me,

the guy got so pissed off,

he rammed us from behind and sped away.

Oh, my god, that's terrible.

And now, the car's making this terrible noise.

Was the car in gear when he hit you?

Yeah.

Well, that could be something serious.

You know, my father had a '57 Chevy.

I could take that car apart...

I'm sure I could take a look at it

and do something for you, yeah, sure.

Oh, my god, that's unbelievable.

Why don't you just give me a call?

( Caterer ) Mrs. David? Dinner's served.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, you guys, it's dinner time.

That's fantastic.

I like you, Larry, i like your show, too.

Thank you very much.

You know Maggie.A.

Yeah, hi, Maggie.

I like this guy.

He's gonna help us out.

Hey, now he's gonna feed us.

Huh, this is great.

Don't worry, we'll take care of you.

Alright, listen, everybody,

just, uh, have a seat wherever you'd like.

How 'bout that?

Back support.

I got a thing with my back.

( Mike ) oh, this is great, huh?

Look at this table, huh?

The China, these chairs, that's solid.

We gotta get some with the wings on them,

we gotta go to Ethan Allen or something.

Come on, sit down, Larry.

Everybody, uh, just, dig right in, huh?

There's no reason to wait

or anything like that.

We'll just take the courses as they come along.

( Larry ) dig in...!

Have yourself a good time, alright?

I think Larry will agree with me on this.

We don't stand on tradition in this house, you know?

However, there is one tradition that

I particularly enjoy, and please join me.

In the name of the father,

the son, and the holy spirit, amen.

Bless us, oh, lord, and these, thy gifts,

which we are about to receive

from thy bounty, through Christ, our lord, amen.

In the name of the father,

the son, and the holy spirit, amen.

Come on, let's break bread, huh?

May I start with my salad now?

Oh sure, yeah.

He said it's okay to start the salad, everybody.

( Mike ) one more thing, alright?

Here's to friends, huh?

That was a good show, "friends".

Did you have anything to do with that one?

No, no, helluva show.

That's in reruns now, too, isn't it?

Is it?

I can't believe they get paid every time it comes on.

So, you're moving to Covina, huh?

Well, actually we're moving to downey.

I'm in Covina right now.

Have you been down to downey much?

No, no.

They are doing a lot down there.

And, I mean, we got a sweetheart of a deal.

Really.

Yeah, I've got a lot that is kind of almost

like a trapezoid, and it butts up

against a railroad track.

Is that so?

Yeah, and that actually brings my taxes down.

Oh, boy.

Hey, when's the next meeting

of the young republican's club?

You have one planned for next month?

No, but we can certainly get the group together...

Yeah, I'd really, I'd really like to.

Would you?

Oh, yeah.

Did you have a good time?

Hey, let me tell you something.

The next time you do one of these things,

I want some Jews.

Okay, I'll make a note of that.

I want some cohens, some bernsteins,

some Goldsteins, a Schwartz, okay?

Anything in that area, that family, okay?

Alright.

What about that guy who took my seat?

What was that all about?

Why didn't you say something?

He pushed me away 'cause you said,

"sit anywhere you want".

Why didn't you just say,

"except that chair, that's my chair"?

First of all, because he's fixing Jeff's car,

I didn't want to start up with him.

Well, that's nice.

I know, and then he said, grace?

Come on.

It was charming.

How do you do that, again?

The father, son, holy spirit.

And what are you touching down here?

Your belly button?

Well, some people go farther down,

but, most people just go to the chest.

You go to the chest.

Father, son, holy spirit.

Amen.

So, you really didn't have a good time?

No, I really didn't.

And guess what?

What?

Somebody lost a little bet tonight.

Somebody owes somebody...

No.

Yeah, that's right,

you better start thinking about it.

Hi.

Good morning.

I have a small request.

What's that?

Can we please go back to colgate?

Why?

I just don't like, there's no taste

to that Indian thing.

That's fine.

What is there, a message on this thing?

Really?

I didn't even hear the phone ring.

( Answering machine ) Saturday, 7:32 am.

Larry, uh, Mike Duffy,

aamco guy.

Sorry for calling so early.

I'm feeling a little weird

about something that happened last night.

I wanna talk to you about it.

I'll be in my office, say around, uh, 12:30.

You got my number, call me.

I'd really appreciate it, thanks.

Feeling weird about something?

Yeah, what's that?

What kind of message is that

to leave at 7:30 in the morning?

I don't know,

maybe he's very upset about something.

He should have just said

what he was feeling weird about.

Now, I have to think about this all day?

I hate messages like that.

Either just say, "call me back",

or tell me what you're feeling weird about.

What could I have done to make him feel weird?

I can't think of anything.

Unless he's feeling weird that he took my seat.

That's possible.

Although last night, he didn't seem to mind at all.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, oh, wait a second.

You know what it could be, too?

Last night I was talking to Allison

about our house in Martha's vineyard,

and I told her that you don't like people

to stay in the guest house.

And, I look over, and I see Maggie,

like she seemed like she overheard something,

and she had a weird look on her face.

Well, why would she care?

Because Maggie and Mike are going to

Martha's vineyard.

Oh, I see.

So, now they think that we don't want them

staying at our guest house.

Like, indirectly, i was trying to

give her the message.

Well, we don't want them staying in our guest house.

But, now they think i don't want them

staying in the guest house.

If it's between him fixing Jeff's car,

or him staying in our guest house,

Jeff's out of luck.

That's fine with me.

I think I'm gonna get one of those apple turnovers

from last night.

( Cheryl ) oh, okay...

That sounds good.

Where are the apple turnovers?

They're in the refrigerator?

No, I don't think so.

Larry, you don't see them in there?

They're not in here.

Okay, I know how you look for things.

Yeah, they're not there.

Where's all the food from last night?

Where are the leftovers?

I don't know.

Did you tell the caterer

to take things home?

No, no.

I did not. You didn't.

What do you make of that?

I don't know.

She took the leftovers?

She would just take 'em?

Do you really think she would take it upon herself to...

You know what?

I seem to remember her

walking out with a platter,

to the car.

Well, did you say something?

You didn't say anything to her?

I don't expect her to steal our food.

Well, this is stealing.

I know it is.

I mean, this is ridiculous.

She didn't even ask anybody?

I'm calling...

This is, you know...

This is very unprofessional, if you ask me.

It's completely unprofessional.

And I know, because my whole career's

been based on being unprofessional.

You should never listen to Jeff for anything.

I don't know why I have to keep telling you that.

Hi, may I speak to...

I can't believe this woman stole our leftovers!

Hi, Debbie, it's Cheryl David from last night.

Um, Larry and i were just wondering,

where the leftover food is.

You did?

Well, why did you think

you could take the food home with you?

Did anybody tell you you could do that?

Oh, nobody told you you couldn't, great.

Well, we will cancel the check

if we don't get the food back.

Yeah, so, so...

Larry's gonna come over and pick it up.

He'll be over in a little while.

Thanks.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

What nerve.

So, I gotta go over there and pick up the leftovers?

Yeah.

I'm really not sure that everything

survived the trip here, so...

"Survived the trip here"?

Where did you come from, the Sudan?

What are you talking about?

Where's the chicken?

There really isn't any chicken left.

There's no chicken left?

Not really.

I don't know what happened to all the chicken.

What'd you do with it?

You threw it out?

There was, maybe,

there was three pieces of chicken.

Three pieces of chicken?

Yes.

Oh, where'd that come from?

Sorry about that, there you go.

Where's the rest of it?

That, I gave it away to a homeless shelter.

You gave it to a homeless shelter.

Yes, I did, yes, I did.

And where is this homeless shelter?

The Scott mission on fourth.

So, they eat this gourmet food, huh?

Catered food?

Uh, sorry to interrupt.

But I dropped the food off at Jeff's.

Thank you, carmel.

Did you wanna maybe check on the buns out back?

Jeff Greene's?

You dropped the food off at Jeff Greene's?

Thank's, carmel.

Does he have the apple turnovers,

or do you have the?

I don't know anything about the apple turnovers.

Oh, you don't?

That's a mystery to you, the apple turnovers?

I don't know what happened,

I think maybe people finished them off last night.

That's your theory for pretty much everything,

isn't it?

Why don't you go buy yourself 10 apple turnovers?

I did, I did buy them!

I'll spring for them.

I bought 'em last night and somebody took 'em!

Enjoying the chicken?

Hey, hey!

Hey...

I was gonna bring this over by your house later.

What were you gonna do?

Bring it by your house.

I thought you wouldn't mind me having some.

Oh, yeah?

Did you know that she stole my leftovers?

Yes, I did.

You did? You knew that?

I just found that out.

I see you got my apple turnovers.

They're delicious, by the way.

Yeah, I wanted to have one this morning,

unfortunately they weren't in my house.

Man, oh, man.

Don't suggest any more people for me, okay?

She's a good cook.

Yeah, she is a good cook.

Mmm, apple turnovers.

What a racket you've got going.

What do you get?

10 percent of my salary, 10 percent of my food?

Stop it, stop it.

I got your message.

Aamco guy? What are the odds?

What are the odds of an aamco guy?

Oh, there might be a problem with that.

What'd you do?

Well, at the party last night,

my wife told somebody

that I didn't want anybody staying at our house...

I don't think it's gonna be good.

Well, meanwhile,

he hasn't said anything about last night.

So, at least he's working on it.

Yeah, I know, that's so cool.

So, Larry, I got some good news

and some bad news for you.

Uh, the bad news is

you did some damage to the transmission.

The good news is, my rash cleared up.

Naw, seriously, I can fix it.

You see, I'm one of the few guys in town

that can do this, you know.

Good man, good man.

I specialize in the early model

power glide transmissions, you know.

Really? that's great.

I'll give you the best deal I can.

You take care of the parts, I'll take care of the labor.

I'll take care of the labor.

That was a wonderful dinner the other night.

I'm gonna pay for the labor.

Well listen, uh,

can I speak to you just for a second in the back room?

You know, something kind of a personal nature.

If you don't mind, huh?

Apologize if you have to.

Apologize!

( Mike ) why don't you have a seat?

I'm really sorry about the mess,

it's kind of our busy season here.

Come on, you should see my office.

I wanna thank you

for that wonderful dinner you gave us last night.

Mike, it was my pleasure.

It was a great time.

Wasn't it great?

The food was terrific.

And, your friends,

I really enjoyed their company.

I'm sorry we didn't get a chance

to play that running charades.

Oh, that's okay, next time we'll do that.

I hope so.

Listen, the reason I'm feeling bad is that,

on the way home Maggie mentioned something to me.

You know what?

My wife never should have said

that I didn't want people to stay in the house

in Martha's vineyard this summer.

Actually, I was gonna apologize to you

for sitting in your chair.

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Maybe you should have sat at the head of the table.

I don't care that you sat there.

No, it's your house, it's your house.

I like sitting over there.

But, Martha's vineyard, I mean...

Do you think I care about that?

Let's get back to Martha's vineyard for a second,

Maggie and I are gonna go there,

but, that doesn't mean that we're gonna barge in

and invade your privacy.

We've been going to Martha's vineyard for years,

I've been going there since I was a kid.

We'll go this summer, we'll go clamming together.

We're not gonna be doing any clamming

in Martha's vineyard, Larry.

I have friends there,

we don'tave to impose upon you.

I didn't suggest that you would.

I think you did suggest it, Larry.

You're misunderstanding this whole thing.

Like I said before, it's our busy season,

and I got some things i gotta take care of.

If you'll excuse me,

I have to make a phone call.

Mike, can I just...

Larry, I think we're done here.

( Gears grinding )

You got any spare change, man?

Hey, let me ask you something.

Ever eat over at that mission on fourth street?

Yeah.

Do they ever serve anything like chicken l'orange?

The only thing they serve is soup

and sometimes peanut butter.

Soup and peanut butter.

You want this?

What is it?

Chicken l'orange.

Seafood salad souffle.

Sure, I'll take it.

You got it.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

That restaurant was good.

Oh, wasn't that a great meal?

Yeah, I loved it.

Nothing like a good piece of fish.

Yeah, they have good seafood.

Well, somebody lost a bet.

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