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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,081
Morning, Dwight.
2
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,087
Who are you?
3
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:16,604
Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been
working together for 12 years.
4
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,401
Weird joke, Dwight.
5
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,043
You're not Jim.
Jim's not Asian.
6
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,446
You seriously never noticed? Hey,
hats off to you for not seeing race.
7
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,800
All right then, Jim.
Why don't you tell me
8
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,366
about that sale that
you made yesterday?
9
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:38,080
Uh... Wellington Systems? Sold them
10 cases of 24-pound letter stock.
10
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,364
Or were you talking
about Krieger-Murphy?
11
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:41,930
Because I didn't
close that one yet,
12
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,485
but I'm hoping
I've got a voice-mail
13
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,369
from Paul Krieger
waiting for me.
14
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,644
Please enter your password.
15
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:55,366
You have one new message.
16
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,284
How did you know?
No, no.
17
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,961
That is sensitive information,
only for employees, not outsiders!
18
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,525
Dwight, cut it out.
I'm trying to work.
19
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,483
You don't work here!
You're not Jim!
20
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,564
Jim, I got us that dinner reservation.
Grico's, 7:30.
21
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,449
Oh! Great. Can't wait.
22
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,330
Jim's at the dentist
this morning,
23
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,130
and Steve is
an actor friend of ours.
24
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:22,931
I don't know who you are, but
you are not Jim! This is Jim!
25
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:28,920
Um...
26
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:32,809
Oh, dear.
How did...
27
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,729
Hey! Study buddies!
28
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,690
Oh! Okay_
Oh!
29
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,450
Getting Things Done.
Awesome!
30
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,730
It's all about finding ways to
make yourself more efficient.
31
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,165
Life hacking, baby.
This morning,
32
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,691
I brushed my
teeth in the shower.
33
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,401
Saved myself 90 seconds, which I
just used to explain this to you.
34
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,521
Damn it.
35
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,571
Since Andy promoted me to
assistant regional manager,
36
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,804
I've been trying to step my game
up, you know, be more productive.
37
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,041
In fact, you know what?
38
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,607
Let's knock out a few more of these
sound bites while we're here.
39
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,726
Whoa. That person
has really gotten
40
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,723
him or herself
into quite a predicament.
41
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:44,925
Ah, French. It's a great language
if you're a chain-smoking acrobat.
42
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,401
I'm just trying to fit in
better with Andy's family.
43
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,842
They all speak more than one
language, usually when I'm there.
44
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,164
You want to learn a really impressive
second language, try Dothraki.
45
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,844
Win over any man in my guild.
46
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,691
Dothraki is the native tongue
of the nomadic, war-mongering
47
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,240
horse lords of Essos,
as featured in the superb
48
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,800
Home Box Office series
Game of Thrones.
49
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,810
It has a lot of nudity,
50
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,850
which I fast forward through to
get to the chopped-off heads.
51
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,488
I could teach you if you want.
It's a lot easier than French.
52
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,641
Yeah. Let's do it!
53
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:14,767
Oh!
54
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,841
It means, "Excellent."
And we have begun.
55
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,845
Is everything okay?
Mmm.
56
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,882
Oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah.
57
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,203
Fine, fine. I mean I...
I just don't want to
58
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,483
burden you with my
massive stress freakout.
59
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,087
Great.
60
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:38,165
It's just that I am taking my
driver's license test in two days,
61
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,965
and I need to practice with an
experienced driver in the car.
62
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,567
But I've had no time to do
that, thanks to "DemAndy."
63
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,608
I just want to hit the
open road and drive, man!
64
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,085
But in whose car?
65
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:54,685
ANDY; Nellie!
66
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,363
Get your wrinkly
old balls in here!
67
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,080
Nellie, I could practice with
you in my car at lunchtime.
68
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,491
Oh, Pam, thank you!
You are my savior!
69
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,484
0h, my gosh! Oh!
70
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,364
I'm sorry, I'm leaving
you alone for lunch.
71
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,045
Don't worry about it.
72
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,170
I have a thing,
73
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,210
a thing of soup, which
I've been wanting to try.
74
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:32,085
This is my research into how we
might produce childproof paper
75
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,003
that doesn't
give you papercuts.
76
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,366
We can't.
77
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:40,880
And here is a printout of your genealogy
from ThislsYourFamilyTree.com.
78
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,163
Executive-summary me.
Hit the highlights.
79
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:49,043
Well, it turns out you are a distant
blood relative of Michelle Obama.
80
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,127
As in?
81
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,884
Wife of Barack,
loves gardening,
82
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,724
wants to wipe
out fat children.
83
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,321
Wow.
84
00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:01,728
This is super flattering. She's the
most popular person in America.
85
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,004
This is a big
day for both of us.
86
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,444
My fellow Americans!
87
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,204
I have a feeling
my approval rating
88
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,890
is about to go
through the roof.
89
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,247
It turns out I am
related to Michelle Obama.
90
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,081
I was intimidated by
Andy's family before,
91
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,891
and now I have to see
the First Lady at holidays?
92
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,089
She's going to be like, "What's
your stance on politics?"
93
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:29,210
Or, "What is the best war to
do?" And I will just be like...
94
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,606
Duh...
95
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,564
All right, we've got to get
rid of all this junk food.
96
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:38,326
Get fit, America. Not sure if the
buzz has reached the annex yet,
97
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,410
but I'm related
to Michelle Obama.
98
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,448
Yeah, we noticed early on that Andy
really appreciates enthusiasm.
99
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,127
CLARK". So we decided the best way to get
ahead here is to be his cheerleaders.
100
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,765
Whoa!
101
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,204
It's starting to have
this reverse effect, though,
102
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,169
where I really do think
the stuff he does is awesome.
103
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,371
PETE".
Yeah, me, too. It's weird.
104
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,283
Hard to remember
what's real at this point.
105
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,289
Just clap
through it, man.
106
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,646
You log in sales at
10 different times.
107
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,687
If you log them all at once, you'd save
a lot of time. It's called batching.
108
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:20,961
This is really good, Darryl.
109
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,360
Life hacking, man.
110
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,487
There he is!
111
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,324
Andy, you've got to check this out.
He just showed me what...
112
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,006
Right now I
need canned tuna, okay?
113
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,327
Darryl, guess which
talented individual,
114
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,847
who also has
a killer singing voice,
115
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,649
is related
to the First Lady.
116
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:40,444
Tracee Ellis Ross, daughter of the
First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross.
117
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,326
It's me. I'm related
to Michelle Obama.
118
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,090
What? Really?
119
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,925
I mean,
it's distant, but...
120
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,281
That's cool, man.
121
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:51,681
Right?
122
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,886
Darryl said, "Cool, man."
He called me a cool man.
123
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,007
You know, I really do
think it'd be worth it to
124
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,401
pull over and just
take 10 minutes to eat.
125
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,766
The thing is, Pam, I'm going to
be eating while I'm driving,
126
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,444
so I might
as well get good at it.
127
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,603
Brake lights. Brake lights!
Brake lights! Brake lights!
128
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,125
Whoo!
129
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,601
I'm just saying, what does
it imply, in this country,
130
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,887
when a white person shares an
ancestor with a black person?
131
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,048
You think that Andy's
family owned slaves?
132
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,121
Well, somebody
owned somebody.
133
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,607
And I don't think anybody
would buy an Andy.
134
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:28,566
"I throat-rip."
135
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,121
"You throat-rip."
136
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:33,800
"He/she/it throat-rips."
137
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,611
More of a barbaric growl.
138
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,724
Loudefl You're shouting it
from the back of a horse!
139
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,447
Pretty crazy about
Andy and Michelle Obama, huh?
140
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:48,886
Yeah.
It's almost unbelievable.
141
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,687
What?
142
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,444
Well, you know
how Andy has been
143
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,289
really salting
my onions lately?
144
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,206
Sure.
145
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,647
Well, when he asked me to
look up his ancestry online,
146
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,211
I remembered that
news story about
147
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,606
Michelle Obama
having white relatives,
148
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,729
and I just knew he
would eat that up.
149
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,449
So, he's not related
to Michelle Obama?
150
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,402
Pam, I barely know
how to turn on my computer.
151
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:17,091
Nellie's pretty fearless,
and I think she might
152
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,891
be maybe even
almost sort of fun.
153
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,247
Pam!
154
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,091
Well, if there's
another explanation,
155
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,606
I don't really see
what it could possibly be.
156
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,886
What's going on here? I'm related
to the First Lady, okay?
157
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,644
Get over it.
158
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,808
I still need weekly status
reports from most of you.
159
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,281
So, can we get
back to work, please?
160
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:42,801
Get back to work.
161
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:50,569
Andy? Andy, no! I would
be very polite today.
162
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,609
Why? Is it Employees'
Day or something?
163
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,489
I cannot keep track
of these BS holidays.
164
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,961
Your connection
to Michelle Obama
165
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,521
has certain
negative connotations.
166
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,282
Most likely, your
family were slave owners.
167
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,445
Does anyone else think it's possible
that I come from slave owners?
168
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,000
Whoa. That person
has really gotten
169
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,691
him or herself into
quite a predicament.
170
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,649
Hey, Mom, it's Andy. Give me a
call when you get a chance,
171
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,404
got a quick
question for you.
172
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,290
No big deal, it's just about America's
national shame. Thanks, bye.
173
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,240
Where were we?
174
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,642
Yes, okay,
your productivity thing.
175
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,286
Yes, yes, yes.
176
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,682
Great. Ooh!
Spreadsheets. Yum, yum.
177
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,685
I included some
time-saving ideas.
178
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,489
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Look,
I'm not going to lie to you.
179
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,409
I'm a teensy bit
distracted right now.
180
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,171
Look, Andy, even if your
ancestors did own slaves,
181
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,242
it wouldn't
be your fault.
182
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,522
This is only weird
if you make it weird.
183
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,609
Right on, brother. Word dat.
184
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,524
Does anyone here have
fermented mare's milk?
185
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,201
Hey, Erin.
186
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,642
Oh. Okay. Sorry.
187
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:20,450
Aw, still, it must be great to have
something else going on outside of work.
188
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,409
Yeah. Turn signal. It's exciting
189
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,443
to be painting again.
Those are the wipers.
190
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,964
So, it's just, there you go.
Yeah.
191
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,248
Yeah, things get so busy
with the kids, red light,
192
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,482
that it's nice to
have a creative outlet.
193
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,289
Red light! Red light! Red! Red!
194
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,528
That is brilliant, Pam! I would
love to see some of your work.
195
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,202
Well, since we're
stopped at a light,
196
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,563
here is the mural
I did for Angela's baby.
197
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:55,201
That is amazing, Pam. Oh, I
love the lion in the tuxedo.
198
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,402
Angela insisted that all
the animals be fully clothed.
199
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,765
Hey, has anyone turned in
their status reports up here?
200
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:08,567
So, no?
201
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,804
Do you think maybe you
could remind people?
202
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,121
I'm trying to downplay the
whole bossy boss thing today.
203
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,571
Because of your slaves. Yep.
204
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,243
Not my slaves, my ancestors' maybe.
Probably not.
205
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,448
Oh. Well, if it makes
you feel any better,
206
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,642
the Dothraki word
for slavemaster...
207
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,730
...is a term of respect.
208
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,683
I'm learning how to speak Dothraki!
Color you impressed.
209
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,368
That you're learning a made-up
language from HBO's Game of Thrones?
210
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:41,650
I have a lot going on today,
but this was a great nerd-out.
211
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,007
Dwight! You didn't tell me you
were teaching me a fake language.
212
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,084
People laughed at Klingon at first,
and now you can major in it.
213
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,686
Hi, guys.
214
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,560
Hey, boss, I am so thirsty.
Can I have a scoop of water?
215
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,604
Yeah, you don't have to ask me.
216
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,961
Okay, great.
Very funny, I get it.
217
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,561
Just because my
ancestors happen to be...
218
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,851
Very funny, Kevin. Change my ringtone.
Very funny.
219
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,880
I liked the original song on my
ringtone, which you may remember,
220
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,406
was Diamonds on the Soles of
Her Shoes, by Paul Simon,
221
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:33,441
featuring Ladysmith,
African American Mambazo.
222
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,366
Good. Very good.
223
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:41,441
Oh! No!
224
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,288
Here, it's a text
from Andy.
225
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,886
"New special proj. Need fam.
tree for evbody.
226
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,606
"Really dig up dirt ASAP."
227
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,324
And then in parentheses, he wrote
out, "As soon as possible."
228
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,045
Oh, God.
229
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,051
Looks like it's
pretendy time again.
230
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,811
Write back,
"Looking for dirt."
231
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:07,966
Oh. Can I help? We could say someone
is related to, um, Tonya Harding?
232
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,761
Pam, I'm related
to Tonya Harding.
233
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:13,721
Oh, gee, I'm...
234
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,320
No, I'm just practicing
my lying.
235
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,928
I love it!
Brilliant.
236
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:21,210
What should
we say about Jim?
237
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,250
Um, oh! I'll say he's related to
Richard Nixon! It's an inside joke.
238
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,765
He looks really
Nixon-y when he wakes up.
239
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:32,247
My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the
lying, none of the sexual charisma.
240
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,890
I just made a joke then.
241
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,402
I'm sorry. lt'sjust, um,
242
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,888
I actually do have this weird feeling that
there's something Jim isn't telling me.
243
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:46,802
Oh, no. An affair,
it is always an affair.
244
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:48,526
Jim? No.
245
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,083
How can you be sure?
246
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,602
Because he just
loves me too much.
247
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,051
You're a cocky little
thing, aren't you, Pam?
248
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,089
I've done a little genealogy
research of my own.
249
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,848
Turns out I'm not the only
one with a few skeletons
250
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,088
in the old family closet.
251
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,325
For example, Phyllis'
great-great-grandmother was
252
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,683
responsible for spreading
cholera to the United States.
253
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:15,801
ANGELA; Ew.
254
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:20,409
Kevin is related to both John Wayne
Gacy and John Wayne Bobbitt.
255
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,120
And John Wayne?
256
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,565
No, not that I see here.
257
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,802
Wayne Johnson? The Rock?
258
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,086
You mean Dwayne, and no.
What about Jim Halpert?
259
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:36,200
Uh-oh! Turns out, distant relative
of the reviled Richard Nixon.
260
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,809
Pam always says
I look like Nixon.
261
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,487
That's crazy, right?
I mean, there's nothing there.
262
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:44,441
True.
263
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,241
Oh, no.
264
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,801
Dwight's grandfather...
265
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,644
Was a member
of the Bund,
266
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,524
which is not technically
the same thing
267
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,490
asthe
Nazi party. So...
268
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,648
I was going
to say he was a tax evader.
269
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,321
Oh.
270
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,882
I was joking about that whole Bund thing.
The look on your faces.
271
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,086
And Meredith is a blood
relative of Lizzie Borden.
272
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,925
Cool.
273
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,729
Stop it! Stop it!
You're frightening me.
274
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,643
Andy, did you
call this meeting
275
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,603
just to talk junk
about our families?
276
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:21,681
Yeah, that, you're
being really mean.
277
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:22,761
Stop it, Andy.
278
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,002
No, I'm proving
a point, okay?
279
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,647
We all have ancestors who may have
done horrible things in the past,
280
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,768
but it's in the past,
and it's not our fault,
281
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,848
so we don't have
to talk about it.
282
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:34,651
The difference is, Andy,
283
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,240
that you're the only one
here still benefitting
284
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,488
from the terrible things
your ancestors did.
285
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,451
Might have done,
and how do you figure?
286
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,363
Your family is rich.
287
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,289
I have to believe that a big
part of the Bernard fortune
288
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,203
was earned
on the backs of slaves.
289
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,046
You know, there's nothing wrong with
being successful in America, Oscar.
290
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,248
I'm not going to apologize
for my family's wealth.
291
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,051
That wealth could one day
benefit society,
292
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,644
if capital gains are ever taxed at
the same rate as earned income.
293
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:05,045
Okay, Kevin did that.
I do not wish I was in Dixie.
294
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,531
Hey, Mom.
How are you?
295
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,806
Did any Bernards ever own a
plantation in the South?
296
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,245
She said, "No." Take that!
297
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:20,162
Follow-up question, did any Bernards
ever make money in an unsavory way?
298
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,528
I just asked you... Why
didn't you just say that?
299
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,402
Okay, stop. Stop.
300
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,848
Stop talking! Stop talking! That's...
No, I don't want to know that.
301
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,809
Okay. You're interrupting a meeting.
I have to go. Love you. Bye.
302
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:43,162
Well, it turns out the Bernards
of yore did not own slaves.
303
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,241
Really?
304
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:49,168
We merely transported them, which
at worst makes us amoral middlemen.
305
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,649
Yo, D-Dog. I need your help.
306
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,524
I'm trying to think of things I
can say that make it sound like
307
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,329
I had a more difficult
childhood than I actually had.
308
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,481
You're going to po' mouth.
309
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,409
Exactly! Help me
"po' mouth," Darryl.
310
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,409
Actually, Andy,
you promised me five minutes
311
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,289
to talk about
productivity suggestions.
312
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,602
What if I said
that my dad beat me,
313
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,922
and I just left out
the croquet of it all?
314
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:19,047
Or I could just go all the way and
say I grew up in an apartment.
315
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,121
Or is that too crazy?
316
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,285
That could work.
317
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,088
You know, Darryl,
this is textbook
318
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,328
assistant regional manager
stuff here, and I feel like
319
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,124
I'm doing all
the heavy lifting.
320
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,044
I'm coming up with
all the ideas here.
321
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,411
I'm going for a walk.
322
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:34,961
Okay-
323
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,644
Good, good, and...
324
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,445
You doing
all right, man?
325
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:02,002
I'm done. I got to
get out of here.
326
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,641
Yeah, not the easiest day to
be assistant regional manager.
327
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,409
It's not just today,
it's every day.
328
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,483
Seems like the better title I
have, the stupider my job gets.
329
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,170
Well, come on. It can
always get better, right?
330
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:18,567
Hmm. Yeah, right.
331
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,761
No, I'm serious. There's
always something better.
332
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,846
Like what?
333
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:26,885
Like, hypothetically,
334
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:32,483
if I said that there was anotherjob
that you and I could both have.
335
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,045
What kind ofjob?
336
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:39,724
Something cool,
like sports marketing, or...
337
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,127
Does that sound like
something you'd be into?
338
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,440
Hell, yeah.
Right?
339
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,885
That sounds awesome.
Okay. But wait,
340
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,286
what if I told you
that it was in Philly?
341
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,407
So you'd have to...
342
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,607
I love Philly.
343
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:49,681
Right?
344
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:50,761
That's not
even a thought.
345
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,729
Not even a thought.
It's not even that far away.
346
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,208
I could still commute.
Exactly. Exactly!
347
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,485
All right.
348
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,727
What? Wait, wait, wait!
So what, is this happening?
349
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:05,600
Oh, it's happening. Let's just keep
it between you and me for right now.
350
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,769
Yeah. For sure, for sure, for sure.
Man. And Pam's into it?
351
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,329
Yeah, we haven't talked
about it, but I think
352
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,249
that she's...
I think she understands.
353
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,526
Aw, come on, man.
354
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,965
Ithoughtyou
had something real.
355
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,445
What? No, no, no.
Come on.
356
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:19,567
This is real.
357
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,928
It's not real until
your wife is on board.
358
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,644
So what did you
want to show me?
359
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,366
That is quite
an ugly wall, isn't it?
360
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,445
Yeah.
It's really ugly.
361
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,526
It needs something, doesn't it?
I'm thinking a mural.
362
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:40,601
You mean me?
363
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:46,210
Yes, you! You are so talented. It's
going to be my next special project,
364
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,681
hiring Scranton's most
dangerous young muralist
365
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,444
to paint
the warehouse wall.
366
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,960
Oh, my God, I love it.
Nellie, this is brilliant!
367
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,930
Hey!
368
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,485
Hey. Can I talk to
you for a second?
369
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:03,090
Anything you have to say
to her, you can say to me.
370
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,321
She never loved you!
371
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,051
What? No, I... I got this.
It's okay.
372
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,771
This is his fault.
It is not your fault.
373
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,287
I'm going to find you
someone better and rich.
374
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,322
And Filipino, but we'll
break that to her later.
375
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,323
You know what
this is all about?
376
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,801
Yeah. You, too, huh?
377
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,286
Yeah.
378
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,643
Go on, spill it!
379
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:34,207
Tell her all the gory
details, you snake!
380
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,322
Hey, he deserves this, and he
said I could get in on it, too.
381
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,001
Yeah.
382
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:48,330
Oh, Pam, no! Oh,
I can't bear to watch this.
383
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,088
I don't know what
I was so worried about.
384
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,248
I have the best
wife in the world.
385
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,802
I still can't believe
he didn't tell me.
386
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,526
I was helping
Nellie drive, and...
387
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,204
Do not care.
388
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:27,642
I like that guy. We should
hook him up with Meredith.
389
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,361
Ooh.
30425
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