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1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:03,919
Erin, hey
2
00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:06,839
In two minutes,
I want you to come
into this meeting
3
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:09,466
and tell me that
I have a really
important phone call
4
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,802
I'm not going
to take it
5
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:14,596
because I want him to
know how important
the meeting is to me
6
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,391
Who's calling?
Nobody
7
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:21,645
Just say that I'm...
Just make it up that
I have a phone call
8
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,397
And then I'm going
to refuse to take it
9
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:24,690
You're not going
to take it?
10
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:25,733
Just make up
a phone call.
11
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,026
It's not
a real call
12
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,193
Just make it up
13
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,820
Oh, okay.
And then come
in and tell me.
14
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:30,946
Okay
15
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,072
It doesn't matter
what it is.
16
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,198
You're not going
to get it, though.
17
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,241
I'm not going
to take it.
18
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,659
And then he's
going to be like
19
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:37,161
"Wow, this is a really
important meeting."
20
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,121
Copy that.
Okay
21
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,124
Okay, so
22
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,918
tell me exactly
what kind of deal
23
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,464
you are getting right now
and I'll tell you
how we can beat it
24
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,215
Well, we've been
going with
25
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,300
Andy?
26
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,384
Yeah?
27
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,469
You have a very
important call
28
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,055
I'm sorry, I'm with
a very important client
It'll have to wait
29
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,682
Are you sure?
It's really,
really important
30
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:03,812
There is nothing
more important to me
right now than this meeting
31
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,566
Really? Because
your mother is dead
32
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,655
Oh, my God
33
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:16,075
I don't think she's dead
34
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,328
She's dead.
She was hit by a bus
35
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,955
She's not dead
This is exactly
36
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,874
the kind of thing
my mom pulls
37
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,835
This isn't one
of those times
It's the police
38
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:30,005
They said
it's the worst
they've ever seen
39
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,508
Andy, I'm really sorry
about your mother
40
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,010
My deepest
condolences
41
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:40,724
You must take
this call. It's...
42
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,353
Yeah, line one?
43
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,729
Line two
44
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,147
Okay
45
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,901
Hi
It's Darryl.
46
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:53,278
Erin told me to
pretend to be a cop
and say your mom died.
47
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,530
Oh
48
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,448
Gosh
49
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,950
Dude.
Thank you, Officer
50
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,535
Look, man,
this is a bad idea.
51
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,120
Did she have
any last words or
52
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,080
Really?
That is messed up, man.
53
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:07,543
Make sure that your client
gets the best deal possible
54
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:08,919
You're a bad man,
Andy Bernard.
55
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,754
That is so Mom
That stuff can
come back and get you.
56
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,631
It's called karma.
You do not want
to be messing...
57
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:13,882
All right
but thank you, Officer
58
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,217
I've got an uncle...
59
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:20,347
Erin, please hold
all my other calls
60
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,393
Where were we?
61
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,333
Hey, Cathy
Hi
62
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,751
How's it going?
Everything make sense?
63
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,211
I think everything
is under control.
64
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,754
Great
You should sit down.
65
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,173
No, I'm fine
66
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,674
No, I should go
fill out my paperwork
67
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,176
Okay
68
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,098
That was just me
Pregnant Pam
69
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,434
And I make sounds
much worse than this
70
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,977
We know
71
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:12,691
I'm training a temp to be
my replacement while
I'm on maternity leave
72
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:15,360
I should have
mentioned I'm pregnant
73
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,322
You probably
didn't notice because
74
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,741
it's impossible to tell
because I'm so small
75
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,910
But yeah, I'm pregnant
76
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,746
Oh, come on
77
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,081
Hey. Asking for a friend
78
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,209
do you happen to know
if that new girl is single?
79
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:32,753
Doubt it
80
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,796
Yeah. Me, too
81
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,716
You doubt it?
82
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:38,967
What's that?
83
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,886
Why do you doubt
that she's single?
84
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:45,307
Honestly, I have no idea
I just figured we'd
save her from Ryan, right?
85
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,481
What are you
doing with my lunch?
86
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,399
I'm delivering it
from the fridge
87
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,902
It's like a porno. "Hey,
did anybody order a pizza?'
88
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,654
It's not pizza
89
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,322
Yeah, and we're not
about to make love.
90
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,657
I just thought
maybe you'd want
91
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,033
to eat lunch at
your desk today
92
00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:05,118
so that during lunch
we could go down
93
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,246
to the warehouse and
bang out a few tunes
94
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,498
I like the sound of that
Is Kevin here?
95
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,334
You tell me
96
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,717
So word on the street
is she has a boyfriend
97
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,762
Well,
he's probably
a drug dealer
98
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,597
That's the best way to
land a hot girlfriend.
99
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,516
You just
You get her hooked on blow
100
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,936
It's going to be nice
to have just like a
101
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,522
healthy, young, fit presence
in the middle of the office.
102
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,606
Yes, aesthetically
speaking, strictly
103
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:35,649
Yeah
104
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,150
She adds a nice presence
- Good energy.
105
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,944
Yeah, it's going to
be nice to have
106
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:40,654
someone hot at
Pam's desk, huh?
107
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:42,948
No, no. Not even
108
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,574
I'm kidding
109
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:47,995
Oh, my gosh, you guys
She's obviously
super cute. I get it.
110
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,622
But I'd like to point
out there is 50 pounds
111
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,666
more of me to love
if that's your thing
112
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,084
Pam, you look more
beautiful now than ever
113
00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:55,252
Radiant
114
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,671
Thank you, guys.
Really, thank you
very sweet.
115
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,798
Yeah, you have
this sexy glow.
116
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,259
Well, it's one of
the most common fetishes
117
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,469
Really? Well,
thank you all
118
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,930
You know, it's not
just pregnant women
who don't get their due
119
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,557
You know who's gorgeous?
120
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,891
Helen Mirren
Yes
121
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,978
Yes, have you seen her
in a bikini? Amazing
122
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:15,981
What would be
the hottest thing ever
is a pregnant Helen Mirren
123
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,357
Ooh
124
00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:23,280
Okay, okay.
Okay, no, no, no.
125
00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,615
This is disgusting.
Do you realize
what you're saying?
126
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,119
The hottest thing ever
would be a 66-year-old
pregnant woman?
127
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,121
In this case, yes
No
128
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:35,584
There are universal
biological standards
of beauty and attraction
129
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,837
And you are
purposefully celebrating
the opposite of them
130
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,881
to mollycoddle
a pregnant woman
131
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,090
No, we're not. No
132
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:43,258
Yes, you are
133
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,095
And another thing
Helen Mirren was
born Helen Mironoff
134
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:51,016
That's right,
you're fake salivating
over a Soviet-era Russian
135
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,657
Nice scatting, man
136
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:11,036
Thank you. I think
I said "doop" instead
of "boop" at one point
137
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,413
Not bad, fellas.
You're better than you look
138
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,290
Hey, screw you
139
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,127
Hey, Robert.
Are we meeting early?
140
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,088
Just taking a stroll
141
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,882
What exactly have
I stumbled upon here?
142
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:26,676
Well, we're all
musicians and we play
together sometimes.
143
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:28,095
You're a band?
144
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,304
Thank you
145
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,890
We're called
Kevin and the Zits
146
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,892
That was never agreed upon
147
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,644
I miss being in a band
148
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,146
Miss no more
What do you play? Join us
149
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:40,065
I have a tambourine
150
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,984
Tambourine? You know
I'm the CEO, right?
151
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,071
CEOs don't play tambourines
Tambourines are
for girlfriends.
152
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,907
I play harmonica. I think
I have one in the car
153
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:50,742
Great
Nice.
154
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,246
Guys,
Robert is going
to be a zit.
155
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,790
Again, never agreed upon
156
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,376
I had totally
given up on hanging out
with Robert California
157
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,670
and now he wants
to be in our band
158
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,130
And when you're in
a rock and roll band
159
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,548
with somebody,
you're bonded for life
160
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,342
Usually that life
is short and tragic
161
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,302
That's okay, right?
162
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,846
Yeah, even cooler
163
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,348
We all got to
go sometime
164
00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,309
Hey
Hey
165
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,061
Helen Mirren. Hot?
166
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,772
Yeah. Super pretty
167
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:21,898
Huh
168
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,692
What about Cathy?
169
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,901
The temp?
170
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,028
Yeah, do you
think she's hot?
Nope
171
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:29,322
I'm not asking
if you're into her
172
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,450
Just objectively,
do you find her attractive?
173
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,034
I'm telling you I don't
174
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,162
You don't find
Cathy attractive?
175
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,705
No, I don't
176
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,417
No, I'm not going
to tell my nine months
pregnant wife
177
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,420
that I find her replacement
objectively attractive.
178
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,172
Just like I'm
not going to tell
my 2-year-old daughter
179
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,341
that violent video games
are objectively more fun
180
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,678
It's true
but it doesn't
help anybody
181
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,805
Look at her
182
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,184
Even I want some
fries with that shake
183
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:02,689
Okay. I don't.
So are we good?
184
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,029
That's just absurd
185
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,864
Yes, because
she's hot, right?
186
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,866
Her breasts are large
her waist is small,
187
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,659
her reproductive health
in ample evidence.
188
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,578
Facial symmetry, come on
189
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,707
The thing about pregnancy
is people treat
you differently.
190
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,959
Like you're
a kid, almost.
191
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,961
They lose all
sense of boundaries.
192
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:29,257
They start acting weird,
telling you things
that clearly aren't true.
193
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:32,093
I know it sounds nuts
but I think Dwight
194
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,721
is the only one who's
telling me the truth.
195
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,933
Dwight, am I hot right now?
196
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,435
Why would I or
anyone else think that
you're hot right now?
197
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,270
I can't impregnate you
and that's the driving
198
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,189
force between
male-female attraction
199
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,608
What about before?
Was I attractive before?
200
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,026
Eh.
201
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:51,571
You were at your most
attractive when you were 24
with a slight gradual decline.
202
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,032
And a steep drop off
when you got pregnant
for the first time.
203
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,617
Gradual recovery and
204
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,246
Well, now obviously
you're at an all-time low
205
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:01,790
Hmm
206
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,128
I think Jim's lying to
me about not being
attracted to Cathy
207
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,882
You think Jim's lying?
That's so cute
208
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,551
I know he's lying
209
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:13,885
5 bucks if you can
get him to admit it
210
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,053
Done
211
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,556
I never touch
a pregnant woman
212
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,349
Yeah, that's
the Dwight I need
213
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,436
If we're going
to work together,
we need some ground rules
214
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:24,563
Okay
215
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,857
Rule one, our only
loyalty is to the truth
216
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,193
I think so. Okay
217
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:31,945
Rule two,
we stop at nothing
218
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,323
What is that...
Is it... Well, okay
219
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,575
Rule three
220
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:38,201
Don't fall in love
221
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,369
Yup. Good
222
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,746
We're going to
bust this guy
223
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,456
Honesty is very
important to me
224
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:47,043
So important
And then we will
destroy the man himself
225
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:50,046
Let's just see how we fee
when we get there.
226
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,841
Well, you came to
the right person.
227
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,759
You have to follow
your intuition, Pam
228
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,761
You don't want to end up
like Elin Nordegren
229
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,556
Actually, what am I saying?
You wish you had her life.
No offense, Pam.
230
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:01,558
None taken
What have you got?
231
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,978
It is called
the Matchmaker Test
and it is very powerful
232
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:06,980
Basically, we have Pam
ask Jim which
233
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:08,940
of his friends he would
set up with Cathy
234
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,942
If Jim picks
a really hot friend
235
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,028
then we know
he thinks that Cathy's hot
236
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,364
Hmm
237
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,626
Hey, you found us
238
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,461
You guys sound
great, man.
239
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:33,340
Darryl, Andy, Kevin,
this is Curtis Dorough
local musician,
240
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,091
and the officiate
at my wedding.
241
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,926
Local musician?
242
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,845
Local legend.
I used to come hear you
243
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,805
play every week
at the Deerhead
244
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,682
Dude, you're on TV
245
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,310
You're the sportscaster
on Channel Seven.
246
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,020
Go, Eagles
247
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,688
You do that on TV
248
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,190
You guys mind
if they join us?
249
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:52,025
No.
Yeah, sure
250
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:54,944
Guys, I've got some
instruments right here
251
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:56,404
Hey, why don't you
and me play those?
252
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:57,739
Yeah?
253
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:58,948
Okay, this is awesome
254
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,241
What shall we play?
255
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,410
Maybe we should warm up
with some scales?
256
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,120
Midnight Rambler?
Yeah.
257
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,164
Midnight what?
258
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,341
Have you heard about
the midnight rambler?
259
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,639
Hey, this is crazy
260
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:56,047
Hey, I was talking to Cathy
Turns out she is single.
261
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,675
Oh, I stand corrected
262
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,511
I thought it might be fun
to set her up with someone
263
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:02,929
Any ideas?
264
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,890
Oh. You know who
might be good?
Mike Tibbets.
265
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,059
Mike Tibbets, really?
266
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,477
Hey, who's this
Mike Tibbets guy?
267
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,979
What kind of
car does he drive?
268
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,440
Not his mom's car
269
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,984
Yeah, because his mom's car's
probably not a Nissan Z.
270
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,487
Touché?
271
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,658
Kelly, calm down
272
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,243
I mean, I guess
he'd be okay with hair
273
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,162
Okay, you should see
if he'll get hair plugs
274
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,705
I don't think Jim
cares about his hair
275
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,206
Yeah, but I do, Pam. Okay?
276
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,458
It's called
being a nice person
277
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,751
I don't see what's
so ugly about him
278
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,461
He's got the broad
face of a brewer
279
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,671
Jim's on to me
Hmm?
280
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:39,340
Yeah, Jim barely
talks to Mike.
281
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,800
We had to go through
like two levels
282
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,260
of friends to even
find his profile.
283
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,430
Jim picked someone
just unattractive
284
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,849
enough to shut me up
without tipping it
285
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,602
Just ugly enough
to have deniability
286
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:52,145
Yup
287
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,523
Mike Tibbets is like
the most boring
looking guy I know.
288
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:59,611
So if that was for
the Matchmaker Test,
I think I'm in the clear
289
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,656
If that wasn't for
the Matchmaker Test then
290
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,825
Cathy, he's a really
nice guy.
291
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,702
Well, Jim may be
lying with his words
292
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,579
but he can't
lie with his body
293
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,290
I'm going to write
something mean on his wall
294
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,958
No, Kelly, don't
295
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,376
The male reveals attraction
296
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,630
through unconscious
and involuntary
physical signs.
297
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,590
The puffing of the chest
298
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:21,716
Mirroring
299
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,219
Increased blood flow
to the crotch
300
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:26,888
I say we start there
301
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,056
With the crotch?
With the crotch?
302
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,058
With the crotch
303
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:44,989
Whoo
304
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:47,951
Psst
305
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:49,661
We're not here.
Who said that?
306
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,120
Exactly
307
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,664
How'd I get
this long triangle?
308
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,082
Okay, just shut up
309
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,751
Is he puffing out his chest?
310
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,920
I can't tell.
It's unnaturally sunken
311
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,259
Busted. He just was
mirroring. Did you see that?
312
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,553
No. Maybe he just
said something funny
313
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,806
Jim has no discernible
sense of humour, Pam.
You should know that.
314
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,891
I think he's just
making her laugh
315
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,685
Time for me to find out
316
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,815
Why is he making
her laugh so much?
317
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,692
Just going to
walk over here. Whoa
318
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:24,320
I'm slipping and falling!
I'm stumbling. I need
something to grab onto
319
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,363
Hey, are you okay?
I'm fine
320
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:26,698
Dwight! Dwight
I'm totally fine
321
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:27,782
Yes?
322
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,826
What? Jim?
323
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,119
Sorry about that
324
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,580
Cramp. I'm just
Dwight
325
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,749
Why?
326
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,752
I'm sorry,
I fell down, Mr. Balance
327
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,179
Leave
328
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,977
Does your husband
ever have soft erections?
329
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:59,731
Because if not
I just grabbed a very
soft penis for nothing
330
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,775
Why was he making
her laugh so much?
331
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,782
Hey, I'll just be a second
332
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,659
Yeah, take your time
Okay.
333
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,039
That line from Zoolander.
Mmm-hmm?
334
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,791
It was from a deleted scene
so we were both right
335
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,126
Told you
336
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:23,922
Do I hand in
my expense reports
337
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,381
to a particular
accountant or
338
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,175
Oscar, Cathy
has a question
339
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:30,053
Sorry, I'll just
go ask Oscar
340
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,768
Yeah?
You okay?
341
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,770
Why won't you just admit
that she's attractive?
342
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,146
It's kind of annoying
that you won't say it
343
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,023
Okay, what can I do
to make you believe me?
344
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:45,652
Well, Dwight had
this idea and I thought
it was kind of crazy
345
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,362
but maybe that's
where we are now
346
00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:52,533
She called it crazy? Man
347
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,327
That's insulting
All I did was
348
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,079
propose a makeshift
lie detector test.
349
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,039
Monitoring his
blood pressure, pulse
350
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,958
perspiration and
breathing rate.
351
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,711
Yeah, it's nuts
But I don't know
what else to do
352
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,089
And she called it nuts?
353
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,383
Seriously,
that was hot
354
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,885
Feel like you and
the newsman had
a groove going
355
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,221
Did you know that Lisa
toured with Chaka Khan?
356
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,889
Are you serious?
357
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,432
From Star Trek?
358
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,059
Hey, you caught
some of that?
359
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:19,435
I caught it
360
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,478
What,
you don't like
the Blues?
361
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,814
I might enjoy seeing
you guys play the Blues
362
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:23,982
Well, we are playing
363
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,651
We're all playing together.
These are our jam buddies
364
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,404
It's a jam session
We go where
the music takes us
365
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,907
I think the music
left without you.
366
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,706
Come on
Stop shoving me
367
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,750
"Stop shoving me
Stop grabbing my penis.'
Grow up.
368
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,503
Take off your jacket
and take a seat.
369
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,550
When it lies,
the human body exhibits
many telltale signs.
370
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:53,553
Really?
This could all go away
371
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,513
if you just
tell me the truth
372
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,473
Are you all in line?
373
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,268
Why don't you go check out
the sympathy cards, old man?
374
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,104
Now I'm going to ask you
just a few simple questions
375
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:06,482
Wait for this to
constrict. Here we go
376
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,192
Is your name Jim Halpert?
377
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:09,777
Sì.
378
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,698
Wait, that's it?
That's the question
you're going to ask him?
379
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,241
We have to start
with a baseline question
380
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:16,659
to establish
what the truth is
381
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:20,038
You have to share
the machine with others
382
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:22,123
Well, that's
what they taught me
383
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,750
in my 19th
century kindergarten
384
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,544
Okay, Dwight, come on
You can go first.
385
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,546
Jim, are you serious?
386
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,428
You know what? This
reminds me, Cece
needs a new toothbrush
387
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,400
Maybe we could
switch instruments
388
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:50,860
Yeah
389
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:53,196
'Cause my body's
starting to get bruised
390
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:56,657
Yeah, maybe everyone
move one instrument
to the right.
391
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,509
We had to leave
because of
creative differences
392
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:17,136
Yeah, they kind of
had a specific sound
393
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,680
that didn't really
fit in with our thing
394
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:24,602
Guys, this means
they're Kevin
and the Zits now
395
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:27,188
No, man. We are
396
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,900
Well
I know, I know
397
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,819
Okay, you're done
398
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,529
I have a new
heart, you know
399
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,448
Do you really
Tin Man? Okay
400
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,659
Where were we?
401
00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,202
No, I'm not worried.
402
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,163
Because this lie isn't
for me, it's for Pam
403
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:47,583
And when she
gets her body back
and her confidence back
404
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,671
yes, I will tell
her the truth.
405
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,798
That
406
00:18:54,383 --> 00:19:00,179
I had feelings for
a co-worker today
that I haven't had in years
407
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,600
In my defense,
he was grabbing my crotch
408
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,602
fairly aggressively
at the time
409
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,646
Do you find
Cathy Simms attractive?
410
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:10,064
No
411
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,652
Yep, he's lying
412
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,612
See. Was that so hard?
413
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:17,989
I am not lying
414
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,031
Really?
415
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:22,118
Pam, are you really
going to listen to
his stupid homemade test?
416
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,661
I would listen to
my homemade test
417
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:25,204
because your husband
is definitely lying
418
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,749
In fact, he's lied
about every question
even his name.
419
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,918
Who are you, really?
Wait, what?
420
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:34,297
Look at the numbers.
Every single time it's
come up 150 over 100
421
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,507
Your husband is
a pathological liar
422
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,259
Jim, you have
high blood pressure
423
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,136
He is definitely
attracted to her
424
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:41,596
Doesn't your dad have
high blood pressure?
425
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:42,972
Yeah, but I don't smoke
426
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,432
When was the last time
you went to the doctor?
427
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,309
I don't know.
It's important
to go every month
428
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:47,810
and get your
prostate checked
429
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:48,936
You can do it at
home by yourself
430
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:50,146
with your finger
You just stick
431
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,314
Okay
432
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,565
Dwight, stop
433
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:56,819
I'm not kidding.
I mean, I need you to
take care of yourself
434
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,237
What would we
do if something
happened to you?
435
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,782
Okay, easy. Trust me
I'm around for the long haul
436
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,869
It's not really your
choice, though, is it?
Death waits for no man
437
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,245
Okay
438
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,413
Come on, let's go
I want to call your doctor
439
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,168
Doesn't it worry you
in the slightest that Jim
is not his real name?
440
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,294
Just go home
it doesn't matter
441
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:14,545
But the
442
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:17,298
Hey, Cece?s toothbrush
443
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:21,969
Thank you
444
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:24,972
Ooh,
baby, I love your way
445
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,308
Every day
446
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:31,854
Want to be
with you night and day
447
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,273
And day
448
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,276
Ooh, baby, I love your way
32552
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