All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S07E06 - Save JJs (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

In front of you are six
different wedding cakes

from the top restaurants
in Pawnee.

Sample each one, and rank your two top
favorites in the ballots provided.

Oh, boy. They're all so good,
I can't pick just two.

Well, then you leave, Terry. And
pay for the cake you already ate.

I like the vanilla one
with the lemon cream.

That was a joke cake
I got from the grocery store,

to weed out
low-quality palates.

Maybe it's because he's
my fianc� and I love him,

but I kind of like
the grocery store one, too.

There's actually one more
cake you haven't tried yet.

Donna has chosen me to be the
Butler of Honor at her wedding.

Now, granted, "Butler of
Honor" is a term I made up,

but it's not a job
I take lightly.

That's why I'm about to
give her a surprise bigger

than when LeBron
went back to Miami.

Oh, my God.
DJ Bluntz?

What
is happening right now?

I think you know
what's happening.

But... but for real, though.
What... what's happening?

Treat Yo' Self.

Treat Yo' Self 2017!

Oh, my God!
Is this for real?

Oh, it's for real.

And it's the biggest one yet.

I still don't know what's happening.
So, what's happening?

Treat Yo' Self!

Not an answer to my question.

Oh, my God, read the cake.

Still unclear.
Terry, what's happening?

Treat Yo' Self.

It's the best day of the year!

Ripped By mstoll

Roscoe, people in this town are very angry
about Gryzzl's data mining program.

In your opinion,
have you done anything wrong?

We did not believe that we did anything
to invade people's privacy, Trodd.

But then, we checked thousands
of emails and texts

between our customers
and their loved ones,

and it seemed like people
thought we were wrong.

Gryzzl's currently trying to
buy an enormous parcel of land

to build a permanent
headquarters in Pawnee.

How will you win back our trust?

We are gonna be throwing a free
concert with U2 and Beyonc�.

Tickets are
already on your phones,

seating is gonna be organized
by income and sexual history.

And that, I swear,
is the last time

that we will be peeking
inside your computers.

Wow, Gryzzl is scrambling.

And for the first time in this
land battle, they are vulnerable

and we are gonna
capitalize on it

with something big and exciting.

I've got something
big and exciting.

All we need is a blimp
and a decoy blimp.

Okay. For what I hope
is the last time,

but we'll assume
is not the last time,

our strategy does
not involve blimps.

We already have an idea. April?

Okay. Our new proposal
will ask them

to split the land.

Gryzzl will take half
for their campus

and then donate the rest
to National Parks.

It's not ideal,
but they may go for it

because of how bad
they screwed up.

I am not a spy, and I would never
reveal classified information.

Do you have to say
that every time?

Yes.

But I know Gryzzl is dead set
on owning the entire parcel.

I'm not sure this
plan will work.

Well, if it doesn't,
something will.

Because when you and I team
up, great things happen.

Ron and I had a little falling
out, but we are back, baby.

And just like Joey
Fatone and Lance Bass,

we are totally in sync.

Come on. Okay.

Just give me a... We're
in sync emotionally.

Stop patting my head.

Huh. Looks like Newport Trust
is making an announcement.

Last week, the Newport Trust told
Gryzzl, in no uncertain terms,

that we would not do business with a
company that invades our privacy.

Then, Gryzzl upped their offer
to $125 million,

and I swear to God,
y'all, I nearly fainted.

So we are officially
jumping the gun

and selling to Gryzzl
for $125 million.

What?
Let me repeat that

because it makes me very horny.

C'mon, Knope.

$125 million.

How about we go drown our
sorrows in some waffles?

Treat Yo' Self

Hey, boss. Before you go,
can you sign some checks?

Do mine first. In case
something happens to you,

I wanna make sure I get paid.

Looking out for number one.
Always smart.

So, how is
post-breakup life?

Well, breakups are
famously super fun

and make everyone feel awesome.

So, it's no different.

You should come to my wedding.
It's gonna be hella fun.

Yeah, you should come with me.

As, like, a plus-one
type thing.

Maybe we just go
as work friends.

Maybe it's just even, you know,
boss-employee type thing.

You know what?
That's what you should do.

You should come to the wedding

And do paperwork.

Stop, you're making this
sound almost too fun.

Whatever, just text me
when you decide.

I literally couldn't care less.

So, yeah.

Let's hit it, Donna.

Um, can we talk about that disastrous
interaction you just had with Lucy?

Nope. All we're talking
about is treating yo' self.

Today is about
one thing. Things.

Things, Donna!
Our favorite.

Well, where is Bluntz taking us?

This is not the way to the mall.

That's 'cause we're
not going to the mall.

We're finally gonna do something
we've always talked about.

No way.

Treat Yo' Self.
In Beverly Hills!

All I wanted was
25 square miles of land

valued at $100 million
given to me for free.

Is that too much to ask?

I'll say it again.
Voodoo is still an option.

No.
It's over. They won.

Everything is changing.

This town is gonna be
unrecognizable in 10 years.

Even JJ's Diner is disappearing.

What can I get you guys?

However many waffles it takes
to keep you in business.

I'm happy with some of the changes
that Pawnee has gone through.

I mean, the standard
of living is up,

we have pressed juice bars,

and yoga studios,
and a pet hotel.

But I think the town
is losing some of its charm.

And there's too much kale now.

One place asked me if I
wanted kale in my milkshake.

My milkshake, you guys.

Even though I'm a firm
believer in the free market,

and your failure as a businessman
is ultimately to blame,

it's still a travesty
your diner is closing.

Well, I agree with you.

But the guy who
bought the property

didn't even give me a
chance to re-up the lease.

Can't win 'em all.

No. Enough is enough.

They may have taken that land,

but I will be damned
if they take my waffles.

JJ.
What?

Is something wrong?

No, nothing is ever wrong here.

That's why we are gonna fight
hard to save your diner.

Now, you said your new landlord

didn't give you
a chance to counter.

Who is it?

It was a company with
a weird-sounding name.

Hang on.
Was it Putin?

Voldemort Putin, of Russia?

I'd love to take
that bastard down.

Here it is.
"Thigh Gap, LLC

"Owner,
Dennis Feinstein."

The cologne guy?

Ugh, figures.
That guy is the worst.

Okay. We are gonna
take him down

with an old-fashioned
public rally.

April, I need you
to get the word out,

with whatever
method of communication

young people are
using these days.

Oh, yeah.
Tiny rolled-up scrolls

delivered by trained foxes.
I'm on it.

Andy, you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Oh, hell, yeah.

Blimp time.
No.

I think this is a job
for Jonathan Karate.

Awesome. Even better.

Ron, what do you say?

Dynamic duo get together one more
time to try to save JJ's Diner?

I can't think of
anything more noble

to go to war over
than bacon and eggs.

Hear, hear. Oh, well.

Well, we'll keep practicing.

All right, everybody, listen up.

We're here today

because JJ's Diner has been
a part of Pawnee for 41 years.

And this man, right here, built
that diner from the ground up,

with his own two hands.

That's not true.

It's called "constructing
a narrative," JJ.

You stick to the breakfast,
I'll deal with the politics.

So, now, let's hear from
a man who knows the value

of things staying the same.

Ron Swanson.

I do not like rallies.

And based on what I see
from this vantage point,

I do not like most of you.

What I do like
is breakfast food.

JJ's has very good breakfast
food, so it should remain open.

Please do not approach
me on the street

after this event and
attempt to talk to me.

Our similarities begin and
end with this single issue.

Ron Swanson.

Can I help you?

Yes. We are here
to see Dennis Feinstein.

The appointment
should be under Karate.

Jonathan Karate.

Um, I don't see a "Jonathan
Karate" anywhere.

Exactly.

Occasionally on my show,
we deal with real issues

like bullying, peer pressure,
or holding in farts.

In those very special episodes,
I become Jonathan Karate,

the very serious older
brother of Johnny Karate.

Jonathan Karate
tells it like it is.

He makes people
do the right thing.

Oh, baby.
That feels amazing.

But I'm sorry,
I'm gonna have to go.

I have to meet Rick and TC
at the King Kamehameha Club.

Higgins is missing.

Dennis Feinstein.
What?

Who's that? My name
is Jonathan Karate.

We need to talk.

Well, make it quick.

I gotta go pull the plug
on my dad in 10 minutes.

I heard you were buying JJ's
Diner and kicking everybody out.

That's true. Real estate
prices in this turd town

are through the roof.

I'm gonna turn that place into an
elbow art salon and make a killing.

Plus, who's gonna
miss some dumpy diner?

Why don't you ask
the people gathering

outside of your building right now?
Hmm?

What do we want?

Breakfast!

When do we want it?
Forever!

I had no idea this
place was so loved.

This could be bad for business.

Then come with me.

Tell the people
that JJ's can stay.

Okay.

Plus, you should get
these kids out of here.

Not to brag,

but my colognes have been known
to stunt human growth, so...

Ninjas! Scatter.

- When do we want it?
- Forever!

What do we want?
Breakfast!

You got 'em well trained.

Treat Yo' Self in Beverly Hills

Donna.
Donna.

Donna.

Can we get one right here, please?
Right here. Right here.

Ladies and
gentleman, off to our right,

you can see the house that belongs to
Bruce Willis and Christina Aguilera.

And to our left is Usher's
Los Angeles residence.

Usher's house!

Usher's star!

So, for the basic elbow
bedazzling, it's 140.

Custom art starts at 250.

I would like three
big-ass diamonds

surrounded by their own set
of tiny-ass diamonds.

That would fall into our
supreme collection, 600.

Thomas, what do you suggest?

Uh...
Treat yo' self.

Trish, the gentleman is right.

I'm gonna go ahead
and treat myself.

LASIK for fingernails?
I came up with that.

You want it?
It's 275.

Yeah.

Laser my nails off, please.

We can't bulldoze
our entire history.

We need to preserve the things
that make Pawnee great.

Like JJ's Diner.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stop the clock.
Oh, speak of the devil.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the devil, Dennis Feinstein.

Hey now. Hang on.

Now, Leslie, I think everybody's
gonna wanna hear what I have to say.

Thank you.

People of Pawnee,

I just came down
here to tell you

how much I appreciate
your passion.

You've been
heard loud and clear.

You convinced me.

JJ's can stay.

Yeah!

I just have one more thing
to say, Pawnee. Psych!

Do you think I care about how
much you love this stupid diner?

I bought it for a song and
I'm gonna sell it for a mint

and you can all just sit
there pulling on your puds.

Oh, yeah.
Give me your boos!

I am nourished by your hatred!

I should also let you know, you are
all trespassing on private property.

Release the Hounds!

What hounds?

The Hounds is an FDA-rejected
cologne I've been working on

that makes everything
smell like wet dog.

Make it rain!

Ooh!

I gotta go kill my dad.
Let's go.

I am sorry, JJ,
that I gave you false hope.

This is a lost cause,
just like my stupid park.

Screw that. There's
gotta be another way.

What if we steal the keys
to Feinstein's building,

break in, and TP his office,
film the whole thing.

We'd definitely
get on a prank show.

Okay, I love your energy, Andy,

but it's not gonna help
us keep JJ's where it is.

Does it have
to stay where it is?

There's, like, a ton of buildings
near where Andy and I live,

and they're all super cheap because
they're empty and disgusting.

Great! I'm in.

Anything to get away
from this cologne smell.

Ooh. Water makes it worse.
Water makes it worse.

This is the hottest
restaurant in LA.

All the sushi is made from fish

previously owned by celebrities.

Okay, this is Charlize
Theron's yellowtail,

here we have
Paul Reiser's salmon,

and Peter Bogdanovich's
saltwater eel. Enjoy.

Mmm!
Bogdano-delish.

Man, you got it bad.

I know you're checking your
phone every five minutes

to see if Lucy will come
with you to my wedding.

I'm sorry.
Hey, I understand.

Which is why
I got you something.

Hey, you're not supposed
to get me anything.

This is your special day.

I didn't buy you anything.

What I have for you
is a piece of advice.

Oh, damn.

I was secretly hoping you got
me the shoes Jaden Smith wears

Son of a Hitch.

My advice to you is,
if you want to be with Lucy,

you have to be
upfront with her about it.

Be a man and ask her out.

She works for me.

She uprooted her whole life

to move to Pawnee for this job.

I don't want to make it weird.

And what if she says no?

What if I'm the only one
that caught feelings?

You won't know until you ask.

Basically, Tommy, when it
comes to matters of the heart,

I say, "Treat yo' self."

Thanks, Donna,
it's a great gift.

I almost forgot.

I did get you them
shoes from Hitch 2!

Oh, snap!
That's an even better gift!

That's not all. Look behind
you, but don't be obvious.

Can I get the "me"
soft shell crab?

Josh Groban!

He's eating his own sushi!

That's the most baller thing
I've ever seen!

Welcome
to Beachview Terrace,

the sad, unsalvageable,
broken-down armpit of Pawnee.

Yeah. We tried to clean up this
neighborhood so many times.

Nothing's worked. We sent a street
cleaner through here a few months ago,

raccoons ate
the wheels right off it.

Councilman Dexhart
represents this district,

and 10 years ago, when he was
elected, he promised to clean it up.

Instead, he just gave it a fancy
new name, Beachview Terrace.

A more accurate
name for this place?

Medical Waste
Butt-Sweat Grove.

Hi, sorry I'm late.

We've had this listing
for seven years

and no one's ever
asked to see it.

I thought this was a prank call.

This place has everything. Vermin,
bullet holes, a hornet's nest.

Look, I appreciate everything
that you guys have done for me,

but even if I put in the time and the
money to refurbish this trash heap,

it's not gonna change the fact

that no respectable people live
in this part of town anymore.

Damn straight.

Everything would have
to magically change.

The whole neighborhood would have
to suddenly become safe and clean,

and have businesses
and people who dine out.

No, then we'd
have to move again.

Are you thinking...
It's possible.

But how would we...

PR.
PR.

Which you could then...
Yes. Right. Okay, good.

Guys, we have about five days to
do three months' worth of work,

but if we pull it off,
we can rescue JJ's Diner,

we can establish
a new national park,

and we can save Pawnee forever.

Who's in?
I am.

Oh, my God.
Where'd you come from?

The floor hole.

Hey! How was your trip?

Great, obviously.

Bedazzled that elbow.

How was everything here?
Uneventful.

So, I was thinking about the idea
of going to Donna's wedding.

Wait, before you say anything.

I don't think you should go to Donna's
wedding to supervise catering.

Oh. I want you to come
with me, as my date.

Oh!

The thing is, you work for me,

so it's probably kind of
uncool for me to even ask.

Which is why
I signed these documents

transferring day-to-day operations
of Tom's Bistro over to Craig.

He'll be your boss now.
Not me.

It's about time.

We're losing the cranberry
salad, effective immediately!

You don't have to do this.

Yeah, I do.

You're great at your job, and I
want you working here forever,

and if you don't have feelings
for me, I need you to know

that everything
is gonna be fine.

In fact, forget it.
I wasn't even serious.

You've been hoaxed!
You've been Tommy-ed!

Just hold on.

I was gonna say that I wouldn't
wanna go with you as friends.

I wanna go with you
as your date.

Oh.

Cool.

Craig, never mind.
You can rip these papers up.

Well, I wish my reign
had lasted longer,

but I'm happy with the decisions
I made and the people I fired.

Oh, God. I'd better
get back there.

You guys, I don't know what
this is about, but it's 4:13,

so you got seven minutes.

Well, we just wanted
to introduce you

to the new home
of the Gryzzl campus.

Are you tripping?

We just spent $125 million

to build our new campus in the
Southern Indiana Foothills.

And you'll be spending another
$100 million, at least,

to construct the building,
roads, plumbing, electrical.

Whereas here
at Beachview Terrace,

you can take over five entire
square blocks of historic Pawnee.

Here's a complete proposal for Gryzzl's
new regional corporate headquarters.

Is this paper?

Super throwback.

My company inspected
all the buildings.

They are disgusting, I grant
you, but the guts are solid.

We've laid out construction
costs, retail space options.

You could build a much bigger
campus in this neighborhood,

and basically break even.

Plus, the best part, all the
buildings come pre-graffitied.

That's true. We wouldn't
have to hire Banksy.

Okay, but we spent hella
skrilla on this trill forest.

So what are we
supposed to do with that?

Here's a far-out idea

that just came
to the top of my brainium.

Why don't you donate that land
to the National Park Service?

That would be pretty dope.

And you could get
some baller tax breaks

that could help you with that
mad stank construction cost.

I don't know. I'm sorry, I can't.
I can't say these words...

Okay, but why couldn't we
just build the campus here,

and then keep the land
or sell it?

You could. But donating it
will give you some good PR.

Which you desperately need.

I mean, look, we are glad
that you picked Pawnee,

but if you're gonna
set up shop here,

you need to make
a covenant with the city.

Show people that you're
invested in this town.

Start by cleaning up
one part of Pawnee,

and preserving the other.

Okay, well, I gotta
talk to my board,

as well as our chief legal counsel
and our senior advisory team.

And truthfully, they're all shrooming
super hard at Coachella right now.

But as soon as they get back,
I'll get into it.

We gotta go, I'm sorry.
We got a meeting.

I'll catch you guys later. I've got a
meeting as well. See you back at the house.

Andy has a meeting?

Upload it to my GryzzlGlass.

Left eye. I'm watching
porn with my right eye.

Who did this?

We did.

One way or another, Jonathan
Karate always gets his man.

And like that, they were gone.

Go!

Wait, where's...
Hey, guys, where's Gavin?

Gav? Wait, stop. There were
supposed to be six ninjas.

Where's Gavin? Gavin?
Who was Gavin's buddy?

Caleb, come on, dude. Why do
we even have a buddy system?

Is he in the bathroom? You need
to tell me if Gavin is pooping.

No, do not laugh, okay?

You're not even Caleb.
You're Gavin. You're Caleb.

If you're Caleb, where's Hunter?

Hunter! Hunter!

Okay, who was Hunter's buddy?

Hmm?

Oh, I was.

Oh, crap.

Oh, Dennis, what a mess.

You have 30 seconds
to get out of this facility.

I don't know, Ron.

I mean, it's been a week.
It might not work.

It'll work.
But what if it doesn't?

What if we did all that research

and handed Gryzzl
a fully-formed plan

to revitalize an entire neighborhood
and build a new national park,

and their board still says no?

Then you'll be
secure in the knowledge

that you gave it your best shot.

But I do really think
they will go for it.

What makes you so confident?

A wise woman once told me that

whenever you and I team up,
good things happen.

Also, they called
three hours ago,

said they approved the plan,

and asked me to begin
drawings for the renovation.

You jerk.

You sat on that news and let
me stew here for three hours?

Yup.
You jerk!

We did it! You jerk. We did it!

Yep. Congratulations.

I do not approve of this.

Don't care.

Ripped By mstoll