All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E21-E22 - Moving Up (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Whoa! Alcatraz!

Can't believe Michael Bay spent

a billion dollars
of his own money

to build that for The Rock.

I can't believe you were able
to recite that entire movie,

from memory, on the plane ride.

You weren't trying
to sleep, were you?

I couldn't tell, 'cause you had
that mask thing over your eyes.

This may be the craziest
week of my entire life.

I am six days away from the
start of the Unity Concert,

I am pregnant with triplets,

I am trying to decide
if I should take a job

that will move me
away from Pawnee,

and I am speaking at the National
Parks Conference in San Francisco.

It is gonna be so much fun.

Michelle Obama is
the keynote speaker.

And you know what they say.

"What happens at
a National Parks Conference

"is compiled and emailed to you
in a PDF the following Monday."

We gotta find a way
to break in there.

They give tours.

Yeah.

That's exactly how they'll be
expecting me to try to break in.

Ripped By mstoll

My restaurant
opens in six weeks,

and I'm making sure I
get every detail right.

This is the hardest

I've worked on anything since...

Wow. I've never
worked hard on anything.

What a cool life!

Looks like everything's
on track for July.

It's just too bad
we're not opening

in time for this Unity Concert.

The extra publicity would've
given us a nice boost.

Why don't we?

We could do a soft
opening tomorrow,

and be ready just in time
for the concert crowd.

You really think
you can pull that off?

Well, nobody can
predict the future.

Except me.
I guarantee it'll work,

and in six months,

this place will be
bigger than McDonald's.

As always,
I love your enthusiasm.

See you tomorrow. Partner.

A soft opening tomorrow?

From now on,
everyone call me Kristen.

Because I am
wigging out right now!

Yeah, we're not even
close to being ready.

They're not even done painting that sign.
It says "Tom's bi."

Actually, no, that's good.

We're ready.
Mitch was right.

The amount of buzz we'd get
from opening next weekend

is too big to pass up.

We can do it!

"This little Italian
restaurant will put

"McDonald's out of
business" on three.

One, two, three!

This little Italian restaurant

will put McDonald's
out of business!

...rise from hell fire!

Lester Kanopf? Come on,
guys, get it together.

That's mine.

Sorry, Lester.

Yours is right here.

Grant! Hi!

Yeah, I saw you were
gonna be here,

and since you've
been ducking my calls,

I just thought that I'd drop in.

Care to join me for lunch?

I would...

Liam Bonneville's
gonna be there.

Liam Bonneville?

The Department of the
Interior's resident bad boy?

Well, now you've
got my attention.

Let me go grab my autograph
book and we'll head out.

Andy and I are meeting with
a tech company called Gryzzl.

Now, they're giving away free WiFi
to a few cities across America,

and we're going to
pitch Pawnee to them.

And what exactly does Gryzzl do?

No idea.

So, Gryzzl's
really taking off, huh?

Yeah. It's been
a crazy ride.

Our music service GryzzlDump
launched in November,

and now we have
170 million users.

Six months ago, I was
working in a taco truck.

Now, I own one-third of
the Portland Trailblazers.

So, you can just get your hair
cut in the lobby at Gryzzl, huh?

Uh, Gryzzl's a work collective.

Everyone just kind of
does whatever they want,

and we just sort of
flow in that direction.

Do you think I could
cut somebody's hair?

If that's how you want to flow.

Andy?
Go get it.

I think Pawnee is
a great candidate

for your free
wireless initiative.

We lead the country in
online pizza ordering.

In fact, a lot of people go to the
library just to order pizza online.

Right now, we're kind of
focused on bigger cities,

like, Shreveport, Akron.

Sure, obviously, we're no Akron.

I mean, we're more like Dayton.

But with your help,
we can become Toledo.

Ben, we don't like to
say the word "no"...

No.

...at this company.

We feel it's
counter-productive

to our creative mission.

So instead, let me say,

"Nah, bro."

How is that better?

Check it out, guys, all done.
Only made, like, 12 mistakes.

Dwayne "The Rock" Swanson.

Donna told me I'd find you up here.
What's all this?

Over the last few months, I've
remodeled the entire third floor.

Wiring, heating and cooling,

restored this red pine
back to its original glory.

Oh, wow, the stripes
are so wavy. It's really...

All right, I can't keep
this facade up any longer.

I need a favor.

You know those chairs you were
making for my restaurant?

I need them now.

I was told I had until July.
My chairs take time.

Who do you think I am,
Thomas Hucker?

Please, Ron? I've never asked
you for anything today.

I just spent 10
weeks refurbishing

an entire floor
of this building.

And now you want me to drop everything
and furnish your restaurant?

Yeah.

Good.

I was worried I wouldn't have a
project after this was done.

I'll get to work right away.

Please, you're
really far behind.

Hello, everybody.
This is Leslie Knope.

Leslie, this is Rebecca...

Varuvian, yes.

Hello. I know who you are.
I've read all of your papers,

and, um, I had your poster
on my wall when I was a kid.

What poster?
I made a poster of you

by blowing up your picture from
the National Parks newsletter.

I cut out your face
and made it look like

you were dunking
over Charles Barkley.

My God.

So you're the author of the famous
river clean-up proposal, huh?

It wasn't bad.

Liam Bonneville
read my proposal. Wow.

Liam's being
withholding as usual.

That proposal was
brilliantly written.

Rebecca Varuvian. Yes?

Nothing.

That was the best
lunch I ever had.

I have to see
the photos that you took.

I didn't take any photos.

What? Grant, come on!

Leslie, you're treating those
people like they're your heroes.

They could be your peers.

Look, I really
hope you take the job,

but we're at
the end of the line here.

I need a decision by tomorrow.

Okay, that's fair.

I mean, I would be
insane not to take the job.

But I'm just having some trouble
thinking about leaving Pawnee.

Hey, here's someone who may
be able to convince you.

Hello, Mrs. Obama.

Hey, Grant.
How you doing?

I'm doing good.
This is Leslie Knope.

She's considering a job with us

running the new
Midwest bureau in Chicago.

Well, you know how
I feel about Chicago.

Yeah. You are from Chicago,
so you like it!

That's right. And we
need passionate people,

like you, on our national parks.

You know they get hundreds of
millions of visitors each year.

Are you nodding
because you agree with me?

Yes.
I do agree with you.

I agree with you on all things.

Throughout history. Until
the end of time, forever.

You and Grant work together?

Yeah, we work together a lot.

He's helped me integrate
the Let's Move program

into our National Parks,
you know?

Getting kids outside,
rock climbing, hiking.

Whoa! That's really,
really incredible!

Great work! I'm sorry
I'm talking so loud!

I'm getting louder and now I can't stop!
My apologies!

I don't know, I can't...

Can I high-five you?
Yeah.

Well, I hope you take the job.

Change happens one
person at a time.

Good to meet you.

Again, think it over.

Okay.
This is a bad idea.

Just trust me.

You got your camera ready?
Yeah.

Andy,
I'm very nervous about this.

You're gonna hurt yourself.

And here we go.

Wow!

Look at it go! I mean, I knew it
would go down, but not that fast!

San Francisco's the best.

Huh.

I thought he was gonna be on it.

Yeah. Anyway,
it was amazing, babe.

Everyone was there, Rebecca
Varuvian, Liam Bonneville...

I've decided.
I'm gonna take the job.

There's so much more
in the world to see,

and I feel like I can
really make a difference.

Oh, and I met Michelle Obama.

What? Why didn't
you lead with that?

I don't know! Liam Bonneville
has me in a tizzy!

Guys! It's totally broken!

We have 10 tables booked
for the soft opening.

It's all friends and family, so
hopefully they'll go easy on us.

How's it looking, Ron?
Maybe speed it up a little?

This is not government work. As such,
I treat it with care and attention.

Okay, but also, go faster.

I haven't had time
to hire a staff yet,

so April, you'll handle service.

No. Can't I just
stay in the back

and spit in people's
food like we planned?

The sawdust from Ron's
chairs is everywhere.

My sinuses are on the fritz,
and smell is 90% of taste!

Maybe 95!

Okay, Craig.

Donna's gonna be your wine taster.
You guys will work as a team.

Fine, but if he raises his
voice once, once, I'm out.

Please don't
stick to that policy.

I've got the menus.

Great.

Larry, what the hell?
What are these pictures?

Oh, geez, I must have given the
printer the wrong flash drive.

What is this,
a rotten grapefruit?

No, it's my dog's rectum.

Lord Sheldon has a growth, so we're
sending pictures over to the vet.

But I guess this isn't
good for menus, is it?

Larry? Larry.
Larry. Listen to me.

This is the worst
thing you've ever done.

I need you to take
all of these dog butt pictures

and burn them in the pizza oven.

April, you'll list all the
menu items from memory.

It'll be classier anyway.

Ron!
What was wrong with that one?

It was too perfect.
It looked machine-made.

Okay, we have to convince them
that Pawnee is a special city.

Ooh, we could tell them that
there's buried treasure in Pawnee,

and then, after they
give us the free WiFi,

we tell them that the
treasure was love all along.

No.

I am not gonna
take no for an answer.

If we're leaving Pawnee, I'm gonna
give them a going-away present,

free WiFi for all.

Every time someone in Pawnee
clicks through

a slideshow of American Music
Award red carpet sideboob fails,

they'll say,
"Thank you, Ben Wyatt."

What the hell?

They're playing
Cones of Dunshire.

Hey,
you invented that game.

Are they playing
any games I invented?

Are they throwing
dirt into a fan?

The key is, you have to throw the
dirt into the back of the fan.

How the hell do they...

Excuse me.

How did you guys get
your hands on this game?

Someone sent it to us.
Have you played it?

I invented Cones of Dunshire.

You're The Architect?
Yeah, right.

And I'm the alchemist
of the Hinterlands.

There can't be an alchemist
of the Hinterlands.

The Hinterlands
is a shadow kingdom

that can only sustain
a provost or a denier.

He's right.

Hey. How about this?
Let's play.

If I win, you give me another
shot at free wireless for Pawnee.

Have a seat.

You wanna be
corporal or warrior?

Neither.

I'm the maverick.

By using the Leslie Knope Seamless
Merger Super System, patent pending,

Pawnee and Eagleton,
and their parks departments,

will be fully integrated within
the next six to twelve months.

I know, I know. I think it was
a good presentation, too.

Is that why you're laughing?

Your timeline is way off.

I was in charge of the
Wesham-Southborough merger of 2004.

You know when it was completed?

Last month.

What?
How is that possible?

Merging governments requires
constant hands-on management.

You're being very cavalier
about the future of your town.

Excuse me. I've been accused
of a lot of things,

but cavalier has
never been one of them.

I have a Super System.

I had a system, too.

But the economy went south.

My hometown hit some hard times

and was converted into
unincorporated territory.

You lost your cityhood?

If you wanna see this through,

you need eight to
10 years minimum.

Unless you wanna run the risk
of Pawnee becoming...

Don't say it!

...unincorporated territory.

That's a bold flavor.
Fruity. A little earthy.

Which is it?
Fruity or earthy?

It can't be both,
they're mutually exclusive!

Oh, no! You do not
come at me like that.

I'm sorry. I don't
know who I am anymore.

A man without
a palate isn't a man.

I love you, Donna.

What are you guys doing? There's
people waiting out there!

We're having a moment,
you monster!

Stop hassling me.

Ron, you're amazing. You've
always been like a grandpa to me.

But can you please lower
your standards a tiny bit

so my customers
have somewhere to sit?

No.

Oh.

I am so sorry, Tom.

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but don't worry about it.

Restaurant superstition,

breaking a glass on the
first night is good luck.

Thank God.

Oh, geez.
I'm so sorry.

Guess I have to start over.

Who wants to go
look for trees with me?

I play an action card to build a
Belltower inside your Citadel.

My shaman casts a Toyber spell
on your prosperity tile.

Looks like someone's
out of resource gems.

Uh-oh.

What's this?

I'm offering you a draw.
Right here, right now.

Why would I...

I'm winning, I have
all your resource gems.

This is your last chance.

Roll the dice.

Gladly.

I move my abbot
to the ocean hex,

which moves my brinksman
to the devil's lair,

and pushes my farmer,
yes, my humble farmer,

directly into the central cone.

Yeah, man! We did it!
This whole company is ours!

Oh, no, it's not.
That's mine.

That's mine. It's all mine.
Andy?

For the record,
I did invent this game.

But it doesn't even matter,
because I won,

and I get
another chance to prove

that there is something
truly special about Pawnee.

Yes, there is. It's the
home of The Architect.

Let's talk.

Hey, man, I don't know what you're
up to, but get to my office.

We're cutting that hair.

Seems like things
are a little chaotic.

No, no.
Everything is perfect.

This is April. She's gonna be
taking care of you tonight.

Hello.
Welcome to Tom's Bistro.

Today we have spaghetti,
linguine, fettuccine,

ravioli, rigatoni,
bucatini, lasagna.

Could you repeat that?

Spaghetti, linguine,
fettuccine, ravioli, rigatoni,

Ferrari, Lamborghini,
bucatini, lasagna.

Can I see a menu?

We had to throw our menus away

because they are covered with
pictures of Larry's dog's rectum.

Great news. Lord Sheldon's
gonna make it. Yeah.

We just have to apply
a salve to his anus

every hour for the rest of his life, but...

Oh! Enjoy your meal!

For crying out loud!

No! Mitch, don't leave.
Come on!

You have no idea how
to run a restaurant.

I've been in this game before, and I
can see the cracks starting to form.

Sorry, kid. Consider my
investment terminated.

Dee, let's go.

Sir, were you
sitting in that chair?

Yes. Yes, I was. Why?

No reason.

Let's go.

Apparently, and I don't know
how, but the game has spread.

I mean, it's all over the Internet.
Austin, Charlotte, San Diego.

I mean, people are playing
with my cones, babe.

That's great.

I'm just bummed I
never copyrighted it.

I'll look into that.

But at least because of it,
Pawnee will get free wireless

and we can both move away
with a clear conscience.

Uh-oh. What's wrong?

I can't leave Pawnee

during a difficult merger
that I'm responsible for.

I have to turn down the job.

Leslie, no. You made up your mind.
Yesterday. You...

Michelle Obama!

I know! But I've been
doing this for months.

I wanna stay and go.

I mean, how far along
are we on human cloning?

Wasn't Dolly the sheep
like 20 years ago?

It's like, "What the hell, scientists?
Get it together!"

Okay, coming up on Terminal 3.

No. Keep driving,
just loop around.

Listen, we are not getting out of
this cab until we make a decision.

Honey, we are gonna
miss our flight.

Then we miss our flight.

I'll tell Andy to fly home without
us and cancel our tickets,

but we are not
going back to Pawnee

until we know we
are staying in Pawnee.

Just make a decision.

So, you screwed up a little.

You tried to shoot the moon
and you came up short.

That doesn't mean it's over.

My main investor pulled out.

Any dollar I spend
from now on is my own.

And despite what my
pocket square says,

I'm not a billionaire.

So, I quit.

Just go home, Ron.

Not done with the chairs yet.

It is my belief that you never start
a job you don't intend to finish.

Really? I love quitting.

When I was a kid
and things didn't go my way,

I would just take
my ball and go home.

That's better than winning, 'cause
then, your friends can't play anymore!

Hey!

No! My stemware!

You are not quitting.

I just called
a bunch of reviewers,

and I told them that the
soft opening went great,

and I invited them to
come here on Friday.

Why would you do this to me?

You worked really hard.

You owe it to yourself
to give it a real shot,

because you are
smart and talented.

Well, I hate doing work,
but I love being flattered,

so maybe I'll
give it another try.

Good.
That's a smart move, son.

Thanks, Ron.

Because you currently
owe me $16,000.

For the wood.

The labor was free,
but the wood was a bargain.

At $16,000.

You know,
it's none of my business,

but how can you not
take this big job?

I know, it's an amazing job.

But on the other hand,
it does seem like

you've put down some really
deep roots in your hometown.

Yeah, welcome to
the predicament, Horace.

The town will be okay
without you if you leave.

So, what does your gut tell you?

I'm never gonna
be able to decide.

I'm gonna be
paralyzed by hypotheticals

until I die here,
in this mini van!

At the San Francisco airport.

Wait a second.
I have an idea.

Drive here.

Where are we going?

It's right up here.
Just trust me.

Wait. I'm on Endor.

These are the redwoods
George Lucas used

to create
the forest moon of Endor.

Sorry, that's not why
we're here. Let's go.

Well, that is a gorgeous view.

Yes, it is.

But don't look at that.
Look at this.

You've been thinking about
this job in the abstract.

Focus on what it actually means.

We're standing in a national
park that stretches 50 miles.

That's The Presidio, over
there, it's a national park.

So is Alcatraz,
and so are the redwoods

we just walked through,
by the way.

You take this job, places like
this will be your office.

Well, that is
a compelling point.

Okay, when we got
back from London,

you said that
it's a very big world

and you've seen
very little of it.

This is your chance, honey.

This whole region,

Mount Rushmore,
the badlands, the Ozarks,

Abe Lincoln's childhood home,

you would be in
charge of all of it.

Your job would be to preserve the
most beautiful places on Earth

so millions of people
could enjoy them.

And those places, the greatest
treasures America has to offer,

will all have signs
with your name right there.

Hi, Grant. I want the job.

Uh, I have a lot of questions,

but I'm a little amped up right
now, so I'll probably just hang up.

Might be for the best.
But anyway, I love you.

No, I don't.
I'm sorry.

That was weird.
Okay, bye.

This is Lester Kanopf.
No, you know...

Okay. Bye.

Smoothly handled, Lester.

Yeah. I panicked.

We should go. We have
a lot of stuff to do.

And the meter's still running
on that cab, so chop, chop.

Really? Oh.
Yeah.

Leslie, you wanted to see me?

Yeah, Larry. Have a seat.

Oh, geez.
Am I fired?

I wish.
If only it were that easy.

I have accepted a new job,

and I need to start telling
everybody that I'm leaving.

It's gonna be very painful.

So, I've decided to start with Larry.
As a practice run.

Because,
it doesn't need to go well.

Because, who cares?
Because, Larry.

Larry,
I have something to tell you.

I'm going...

But Leslie, no...
What...

But, no...

No.

What is going on?

She wanted to fire me,

but she realized
that she loved having me

around too much,
and she couldn't do it.

What? Larry,
that was not even close.

God,
just get out of here, please.

Why didn't you fire Larry?

I thought you were
going to fire him.

I'm sorry.

Opening of Tom's Bistro
was a disaster. So, what?

This is America. And America's
the land of second chances.

And now we have one night,
one after-party,

to make the world realize that Tom's
Bistro is where miracles can happen!

Thomas, I have to work all day
at the Unity Concert.

If you're gonna pull this off,
we need more people!

I know,
and I didn't wanna do this,

but I called in
some reinforcements.

Did someone call
for a party zoo?

Craig, this is my friend,

Jean-Ralphio, and his
twin sister, Mona Lisa.

All right,
so we got a four-way going

with my ex,
my brother, and this rando?

Okay, if that's
where the night is going.

It's 9:00 in the morning.
What?

It's not a four-way.

And I need your help.
Ugh!

And you both once
lied about me to your father,

and basically caused the
downfall of my last business.

So, you owe me a favor.

I owe you a favor?
Oh, boy.

I stole $2,000 from you.

I'm the person that
sneaks into your home

every night, and eats your food.

Oh, so... Oh, right,
so I do owe you a favor.

Man, I'm gonna help you out, okay?
And she's gonna help you, too.

Because you owe me a favor.

You remember the time
you made me dress up as you,

and go on a date with
one of your ex-boyfriends?

And then the guy immediately
figured it out, and beat me up?

Oh... Now you remember
that I got beat up.

Yeah.

Who are these people?
They are awful,

and horrifying, and I love them!

Take these VIP invitations,

find all the A-list
peeps at the concert,

and get them to
the restaurant tonight.

I gotta stop by
the Parks office.

I'll meet you later.
God speed.

I like your energy, hombre.

What do you say
you and I ride go-karts later?

I wanna go horseback riding!

Deal.

Last chance, Ron.

The slots are finalized, but
I can squeeze in 10 minutes

if a certain Mr. Duke Silver
wanted to come out.

Come on, Ron.
It's gonna be so fun.

Thank you, Andrew.

But fun or not, playing music is

something I like
to keep private,

along with my family,
my conversations,

and my whereabouts at all times.

Okay, everyone.

Welcome to the very last Unity
Concert planning meeting.

Andy, you are in charge, this is your show.
Take it away.

Your mission, should you
choose to accept it,

is to accept
the following missions.

Madison.
Manning the art tents.

Donna.

Scheduling and security liaison.

Larry.

Staying out of the way.

And all of the rest of
the volunteer work assignments

are up on this board.

Your main goal today is to
get 2,000 people to sign up

for the Pawnee-Eagleton Merger
Preservation Volunteer Action Squad.

Their first project will be to come
up with a shorter name for the group.

You're right, the name is too long,
I was picturing bigger hats.

All right, here we go.
Everybody, let's get to work!

Can the Parks and Rec people
hang back for a second?

The story of these nuts is...
they're mixed.

Mr. Hapley, hi.
My name's Craig Middlebrooks.

I'm a huge fan!

I work at Tom's Bistro, which
is a wonderful restaurant,

and we need you to come to
a special party tonight,

or it all goes down the toilet!

Well,
will there be music, food...

And a location?
Yes.

Good, because in
this reporter's opinion,

it's not a party
unless there's music,

food,

and a location.

Um, the reason I
wanted you guys to

stick around is,
I wanted to tell you

that I love and admire you.

Oh, Leslie, thank you!

You say that every morning.

A while ago, I was offered a job
at the National Parks Service.

And it's a great opportunity, but
it means that I'll have to move.

To Illinois.

And I took the job.

Good for you!

- That's great!
- Congratulations, Knope.

The sentimental people in this
office will probably miss you.

When do you leave?

- Soon. Maybe a month.
- Oh...

That makes what we're about to
show you a little bit awkward.

We had a new Founder's
Day statue commissioned,

and added your name to the
list of founders of Pawnee.

Because you basically
founded this new town.

"Leslie Knope, champion of
the Pawnee-Eagleton merger.

"Our most faithful citizen.
She never abandoned us."

Oh, boy.
There's a quote, too.

"Only a moron would ever live
anywhere other than Pawnee, Indiana.

"Leslie Knope,
multiple occasions."

I can cut a new plinth with
a less ironic inscription.

This is so touching, you guys.

I am crying out of happiness
and sadness and gratitude,

and because I'm
carrying triplets,

and for a fifth reason
that I can't figure out.

Leslie, don't cry.
It's not that great.

Doesn't even look like you.

Or actually, you know what?
It kinda does.

Well, about that time.
Unity Concert!

Hello, Pawnee,
we're The Decemberists.

It's great to be here
in support of this event.

This is truly an amazing town.

I ordered a small cheeseburger
and both the buns were pizzas.

Hope I don't see this on eBay.

There you go.

Victoria Secret
supermodel Karlie Kloss?

Really? Where?
Wait a second.

You're not Karlie, you're
my friend, Joan Callamezzo.

They don't even allow me in
Victoria's Secret anymore.

Why?
Yeah.

Joanie baby, I'm throwing a huge
party tonight at Tom's Bistro.

You gots to stop by.

You gots to stop by.

Will this medium
drink of water be there?

The only reason I wouldn't be
there is if I got pulled over.

For violating
my house arrest

Ah, boosh!
What?

Judge gave me two
ankle bracelets.

Said it was the first time
he ever had to do that.

Ja boy's a question
on the bar exam! Ya heard!

Anyway. Tom's Bistro,
tonight. Be there.

Don't.
Just let me talk... Mmm.

Well, the relocation
package seems fair.

But the dental plan
is more than fair.

I mean, three annual cleanings
for the spouse? Ka-ching!

Did someone say "dental plan"?

How's it going?

Councilman Jeremy Jamm,
Jamm Orthodontics.

Hey, I think we can all agree
this concert blows, right?

If you guys really
wanna see a crowd,

you might wanna stop by my

secession rally later tonight.

That is gonna be off the hook.

You ever heard of Warrant? Yeah.

There's a cover band right here,

that call themselves Cherry Pie.

Pretty sure we got
their bass player.

Oh, wow.
Gonna be pretty good.

Rock and roll
Yeah, poison

What is that?

Just general rock, man.
It's gonna be fun.

She's my cherry pie
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

That guy was a councilman?

Crazy, right?

Okay, let's talk staff.

For the first few months, you're
only gonna have six staffers.

Four of them will be
coming up from Omaha.

Oh, so, does that mean that

there's two openings left?
Yeah.

Because I happen to know some of
the most dedicated civil servants,

and greatest people to
ever walk the planet Earth.

You can hire whoever you like.

This is how I will soften the
emotional blow of me leaving,

I will bring people with me.

But just two.
Who do I bring?

Oh, I know, I'll sacrifice
my spot for a third person.

No, that's not
gonna work at all.

Well, you gotta admit,
it was a very noble idea.

Ginuwine, it is an honor to be
breathing the same air as you.

No joke.

But real talk,

we're both men about town

being constantly bombarded
with party invitations.

Who is this guy?

My friend who's opening
a restaurant tonight,

and you're going
to be there, cousin.

Unless you want
me to get on stage

and talk about how we used
to take baths together.

How you cried whenever I took
away your rubber duckies.

Damn, Donna, why you gotta bring
the Quackson Five into this?

How y'all doing?

Lil' Sebastian,
this one is for you.

Because you're my pony.

Ron, I have to
ask you something,

and I want you to
consider it, okay?

Really consider it.

How would you feel about leaving
Pawnee and moving to Chicago?

Hold on. Come
on, I'm not done.

You'd be working for
the federal government.

You know what?
Excuse me for wanting

my dear friend
and ethical mentor

to accompany me on
the adventure of a lifetime.

It's very sweet, Leslie.

And the National Parks
Service is probably

the only branch of government
worth a damn.

But Diane and I are quite happy
raising our family here.

Now if you'll excuse me,

there's a booth
over there serving

something called
"fried sausage quilts,"

so I'm going to buy the booth.

Freddy Spaghetti, hey!

Andy Dwyer, or Johnny Karate,
I'm such a huge fan!

Save it, jagwipe.

I had this place on lockdown.

I was rolling in cash
and lonely moms,

and then you come out of nowhere,
and you blow up my spot.

You're going down.

Hey, kids,
spaghetti time!

All right, see ya.

Clap your hands,
kids, it's Johnny Karate!

Hello. I'm Johnny Karate.

Imaginary friends are cool

Imaginary friends
take the fall for you

Daddy, you should play music.

Yeah, Ron. Go on, get up
there, have some fun.

I recalibrated the sights on all the
rifles in the shooting gallery.

I've had enough fun for one day.

Oh, I know that look.
Where is she?

She's near.
Hide the children.

Hello, Ron.
Hello, Ron's friend.

Tammy.

What could possibly bring you
to a children's performance?

Preparing a ritual
sacrifice of a newborn?

No, just trolling
for some daddy.

Sorry, I pronounced that wrong.
I'm trolling for some dad-dy.

Diane, why don't you take the
girls for some ice cream

while I dispose of this
sewer-dwelling gutter witch?

Bye, Tammy.
Always a pleasure.

She's cute.

So, you wanna get out of here?

Her very existence renders you

a neutered bowl
of tasteless gel.

Find someone
else's life to ruin.

You're not fooling me, Ron.

This little domestic charade of
yours hasn't changed you one bit.

You're still the same
old Ron Swanson.

And I will defeat you.

I will defeat you
right into my pants.

Thank you.
Everybody go crazy!

All right, thanks, guys. Remember.
Karate on bad guys only.

Hey, man, you were
really great out there.

Oh, hey! Burly!
How you doing, man?

Pretty good, man.

Remember my nephew, Jack?
He's a really big fan.

Whoa. Hey, Jack.
Good to see you, bud.

Hey, listen, man,
I'm really sorry

things ended so
weird with Mouse Rat.

That's not really how I pictured
us breaking up, you know?

Yeah, I do know.

I always figured we'd,
you know, whatever,

break up because I got
drafted by the Colts.

And then in the first game,
of course, I break my leg.

The crowd starts
chanting my name,

and I give them the thumbs up.

And then I go to the hospital,
I get really good at chess,

I end up beating
the computer finally.

And then the band just
sort of drifts apart.

That was how I saw it, but...
Yeah.

Take it easy.

Yeah, see ya.

Babe!

That was so awesome. That was
the best performance ever.

One kid peed his pants because
he didn't want to miss anything.

What?
I gave a kid pee-pants?

Yes!

That's why I do what I do.

What's wrong?

I guess I just kind of miss having
people up on stage with me.

They never tell you,
when you go solo,

that it's just
gonna be you up there.

Anyways, what do you say I
take you over to the ball pit,

and we find your
cell phone I lost?

Wait, what?

I love you, Kay Hanley!

I hope you like
deep-dish pizza,

because there's gonna be
a lot more of it in Chicago,

where we're all gonna be moving.

Okay.
No. No!

We are not moving to Chicago
for, like, a billion reasons.

But, babe, pizza.

There's pizza in Pawnee.

Right. Thanks, babe.

You're so good at
reminding me where pizza is.

Come on, guys, take a risk!

Live on the edge.
Life is an adventure.

It is! Let's do it!

No!
No.

Pawnee is cheap
and we like it here,

and Chicago seems like there's a
lot of stuff to do and people,

but I like to do
nothing with no one.

So, thank you and I love you,

but no thank you,
and I hate you.

More I love you.

You know,
you owe me for that pizza.

Thank you, Pawnee!

We have been
Bobby Knight Ranger!

Yeah, and check this out,
Thursday night

we're opening for
Steely Dan Quayle!

Super cool to hear Sister Christian
that many times in a row!

Now is the moment
we've all been waiting for.

This next band agreed to
re-unite for one night only.

And it's gonna be great.

I personally hope that
they play Summer Sun.

We all know how it goes, right?

Hey, Andy. Why don't you
let us play those, bud?

Oh, yeah. Good point. Okay.
Without any further ado, Land Ho!

Hello, Pawnee!

Thank you, Pawnee!

You miss the band?

No, I mean, I love that
I'm Johnny Karate now.

But being part of a band,
that's rock and roll, man.

Joining us now for our finale,
legendary local band,

please welcome Mouse Rat!

You guys are closing
this sucker down!

How about this Unity Concert,
huh, Pawnee?

I love this town so much and I'm
just so proud to live here.

And we're gonna close
tonight out with a tribute

to Pawnee's greatest treasure.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Duke Silver!

You know, Donna, I think
you would thrive in Chicago.

The night life, the big city.

I do owe Derrick Rose a brunch.

But I like it here, plus, things
are getting serious with Joe.

And if I'm gonna move
to any other city...

I know, it's gonna be Seattle.

No, Istanbul. Girl,
it's the Seattle of Eurasia.

It's hot!
All right, I'm gonna bounce.

I'm gonna go to Tommy's party.
I'll see y'all there.

Leslie, I know that
you're asking people

to go with you,
and I just want to tell you,

that you can count me in!

Gayle and I have
been talking about

our golden years
in the big city.

This is perfect, the four of us

in Chicago!

Oh, my God!

I gotta call her right now,
but, yeah! Chicago!

Ben, this is a disaster.

I thought of 20
different pairings

of people that
might come with us.

And none of them were
"Larry" and "no one."

I don't know,
it sounds pretty good to me.

The windy city, me, my lady,
my boy Lar-bones...

What? Larry's great.

Have you lost your mind?

Guys, this is the most
important night of my life.

Which means it's the most important
night of your lives, too.

Speak for yourself.

I once got into a cab that Kyra
Sedgwick was getting out of!

No way, the closer?

It's opening night.
Let's do this!

Hey, butt-weiners!

Look who I found

Daddy!

No! Your father ruined my last business.
Why would you bring him here?

Mmm. Because you told
me to look for VIPs

and my daddy is
the Vl-est PI know.

I love you, Daddy.

I love you, too, angel!

Money, please!

Money, please!
Money, money, money!

Craig, grab a drink!

Why would you come here,
Saperstein?

I came here to see
your flourishing business.

To see how well you're doing.

Wow! You're packed!

Can you squeeze me in,
or do I need a reservation?

'Cause there's nobody here.

Maybe this restaurant
won't be a huge success.

Maybe it won't be
packed with celebrities.

Tommy!
Or maybe it will!

Hello, Joan! Hello, Perd.
Hi!

Thanks for coming by.

Can I get you a drink?

I'll have the "Joan."

It's a tumbler of gin and it's got
crushed aspirin around the rim.

And I would just
like an empty glass.

Steve, can we get these cocktails
going for Joan and Perd?

Oh, look! Kay Hanley, rock star.
Thanks for coming by!

Thanks for having me.

Come on in, guys. You might wanna
grab a seat, Dr. Saperstein.

Looks like it's
getting a little crowded.

And I said, "You don't need a towel.
You need a washcloth."

That's a good one.
That's a good one.

I don't think that the girls have
ever been happier or more surprised

than when you got
up on that stage.

Well, having you and
the kids in my life

has made me a different person.

And I like it.

There's more room
in my life for fun.

Speaking of which.

How would you like
to have a little more fun?

Another.
Make it a double.

Oh, well, well, well, well.

You know I had a
secession meeting tonight

and nobody was there because they
were all at that stupid concert.

You and Knope totally
boned me on that.

Betrayed by my two best
friends in the world.

Not now, Jeremy. I am in
the middle of a situation.

My ex-wife, Tammy,
is right over there.

She is sexually voracious,

and she'll do anything
to make me jealous.

Promise me you
won't sleep with her,

even though it would be quite
easy, and certainly mind-blowing.

Yeah, sure, man,
you got it, no problem.

I mean, dudes gotta stick
together, right? Right?

Man, she is wearing
that dress, though.

Oh! Mmm.

Hi, Ben!

It's me, Barney,
from the accounting firm.

Yes, hi, Barney.

You don't have to introduce
yourself every time.

I was gonna wait until your
birthday to give this to you,

but I'm just too excited.

This is the copyright
to Cones of Dunshire.

After you gave it to us as a
gift, we saw its potential,

so we formed a "C" Corp and
registered it in your name!

This is amazing.
How can I ever repay you?

Come work for us at
the accounting firm?

Okay.

No, sorry, I can't.

Wow. Shortest one yet.

Thank you.

What's your name?

Hey, You ready to do this?

Let's grab a handle of amaretto,

head to the ladies' john,
and see what's what.

Tammy, I don't wanna fight you.

Or do whatever it is
that you're suggesting.

Oh, my God.

What?

That's Jeremy Jamm.

Ron's mortal enemy
and my former lover.

Ron hit the roof
when he found out.

Everything about
Jamm drives him crazy.

He's kind of cute.

I wonder if the carpet
is as curly as the drapes.

Excuse me.

Babe, thank you so much for
organizing the Mouse Rat reunion.

It was actually Ginuwine
who arranged everything.

He really cares about you.

You're the greatest wife ever.

I wish I could marry
you all over again.

Let's get divorced. That
way we can get married again!

Yes! Let's do it.

You want to?
Yes!

We should do that, right?
Yeah, totally.

We're getting divorced!
Yes!

This is amazing! Practically
everyone we invited came.

Except for Liam Hemsworth
and Miley Cyrus.

I was hoping tonight would be magical
enough to get them back together.

Let it go, friend.
He's not good enough for her.

And vice-versa!

Thomas.

Yes, we don't get along.

But I look at you,
I see driven, I see smart,

and I just had the best Italian
meal I've ever had in my life.

And I've been to Dallas.

I'm in.
No way.

I'm not gonna let you take
another one of my businesses.

No, I'm in as a partner.

I'm always looking
for new investments.

I've got an auto dealership,
I've got a massage parlor,

a dry cleaning transactional
holding company

that is doing unbelievably
well, I might add.

What do you say?

You know what?

I'm not really
looking for investors

given the almost embarrassing
level of success I've attained.

But I'll consider it.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to get

some pictures for
my Wall of Fame.

Uh, excuse me, Miss Hanley? Do
you mind if I snap a "You-ie"?

It's what I call
selfies of other people.

Sure.

Can I get everyone's
attention, please?

Our goal was to get 2,000 signatures
in support of the merger.

We got almost 4,000 on the first night!

Thank you all
for your hard work.

You may have...
literally saved this town.

Now, back to the owner of
this amazing restaurant,

"Pawnee's most
eligible entrepreneur,

"the man who puts
the 'Bist' in 'Bistro,'

"He..."
"Card one of six."

Okay, I'm not reading this whole thing.
Mr. Tom Haverford!

Hey, everybody,
let's keep this party going!

The next round of
gnocchi is on the house!

Are you crying?

They're just gonna
make each other so miserable.

Ah...

You look sad, Knope.

Couldn't find any
takers for Chicago?

Everybody turned
me down but Larry.

Ouch.
Yeah.

Well, cheer up.

You got a new job, new challenges,
all that crap you like.

Man, I'm gonna miss Pawnee.
I wish I could stay.

Keep an eye on it,
raise my kids here.

And let's be honest,
am I ever gonna find

a better breakfast
than JJ's Diner?

You will not, no.

I know it's not easy to leave

but this job does seem perfect.

Of course, I'd prefer you
use your talents elsewhere.

With your courage
and small frame,

you'd make
an excellent coal miner.

Thank you, Ron.
That's very sweet.

It's time for you to
move up in the world.

Your ambition was
bound to take you away

from the town you love
sooner or later.

And you can't have
everything you want.

Oh, my God.

I can have
everything I want! Thank you!

I feel like you're
not listening to me.

And by the way, don't think that
we are not discussing Duke Silver.

When were you going
to tell me about that?

Unbelievable.
I am so furious at you.

But I've already forgiven you

and you need to teach me how to
play the saxophone. Okay, bye.

Hi, Leslie, and everyone.
I'm Grant.

No time for small talk!

I think the best version of me
working as Midwest Regional Director

is not in Chicago.

It's right here in Pawnee.

How so?

The financial savings
here are enormous.

The cost of living
is way lower here,

and renting the entire third
floor of this building

would be way cheaper than a
much smaller space in Chicago.

Pawnee is actually closer to most
of the parks in the Midwest region.

And, it's got Tom's Bistro,

an exciting, new-wave,
Italian eatery,

that is equal parts Dean
Martin and Bruno Mars.

But that is just what the
Indianapolis Star is saying.

Let's see what
everyone else has to say.

No, no. This is not what
we're doing right now.

But congrats.

Leslie should stay here.

And if you don't agree with us,

it's nine against one and we can
make you disappear forever.

What?

I said we have free WiFi.

Look, Pawnee is
a town on the rise

and National Parks could get
in on the ground floor.

It's the best option.
Hands down.

Well, I'll run this up
the flagpole.

Also, can you bring
back Power Rangers?

I don't know what it is you do,

but you seem important enough
to get that done.

Sometimes you have
to make the hardest climb

to see the most
beautiful sunrise.

I read that once on an old
lady's decorative pillow.

But it is really
how I feel today.

I've climbed a very weird
and rocky mountain

and it was a pain in the ass and my
legs are tired and I'm starving.

But the sun is rising over a sea

of love and waffles
and possibility.

So I'm just gonna relax
and take a deep breath

and enjoy this view
for as long as I possibly can.

Call Ken and Rebecca

and no statements to the press

unless I personally
release them.

We are on a media lockdown.

Where is Ed with the file? Ed!

I'm sorry, Miss Knope.
I lost the file, it's gone.

Ed, you're a nice guy,

but you're the most incompetent
person I've ever worked with.

And that includes Terry.

Jeez. Get it together, Terry.

Clean out your desk.
You're fired.

I understand.
Thank you for the literally

hundreds of opportunities
you've given me.

Goodbye, everyone!
It's been a great three years.

Cancel my flight to South Dakota.
We'll do it next month.

Babe, what's our play here?

Everyone's waiting
downstairs in my office.

Let's just go hear
what they have to say.

Honey, tonight's your big night.

Well, this is more important.

Where are the kids?

Right here.

Hey, guys!

Mommy and Daddy have
to do a little work

and you're going to
have a fun play-date

with Uncle Andy and
Auntie April, okay?

Let's go, munchkins.
I forgot.

Ben, how many bags of
marshmallows do I give them?

None. Just let April
do everything.

Oh, God, one day in
the distant future,

things will be calm
and normal, right?

Probably not.
But that's okay.

You ready?
Not at all.

But that's never
stopped us before.

Ripped By mstoll