All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E18 - Prom (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

God!

Sorry. Sorry.

What's happening? I can't
hear, and I'm dying!

Baby, relax. I just
wanted to surprise you.

Open the bottom drawer
and read the cake.

Well, this just
keeps getting weirder.

Because of the merger, schools
have had to make some cuts.

And the first thing to go
was the senior prom.

So, as a last-minute
Hail Mary,

the Parks Department is
throwing prom for them.

They also wanted
to cut AP Latin.

So I volunteered to teach Latin.

Which reminds me,
I need to learn Latin.

I can't stop thinking about
that job in Chicago,

and I think this prom will
be a good distraction.

In my senior year, when I couldn't
decide between Indiana and Amherst,

I focused all my energy
on planning my prom.

And it was the best prom ever.

Plus, I made out with
Harvey from the AV club.

Hmm. I think
I'm jealous of Harvey.

You shouldn't be. A few weeks
later, he almost died.

From a VCR electrocution.

Legend has it that he can still

turn on a microwave
just by blinking at it.

The point is, will you
go to the prom with me?

Well, I thought you'd never ask.

Because we are nearing 40.

Of course I will.

Yay! Prom!

Ripped By mstoll

Okay, we are making
progress, Prom Committee.

Now, our budget
is basically zero,

so we're going to need
to cover all the jobs

that we would
normally hire people for.

Tom, you're in charge of music.

Oh, man. Well, all right.

Aw, did you want to DJ, little puppy?
I don't know.

I didn't know that little
puppies could operate an iPod

with their little puppy paws.

Eww and boo.

This kind of thing is getting
out of hand with you two.

Y'all are on official warning.

I did DJ a little
back in the day.

I had a show
called Zoot Suit Wyatt

on Carlton College Radio.

Tuesdays, 3:00 to 5:00 a.m.,

I was the King of Swing.

I thought we as a culture
agreed to forget

the year that
everyone was into swing.

Okay, Ben,
you can co-DJ with Tom.

What? No!

If you eclipse my flavor
in any way,

we'll have a problem.

All right, Allison,
you are in charge

of choosing the prom theme,

and now, it has to be
perfect and magical.

And look like a million bucks
but cost zero bucks.

So, what do you got?

I was thinking the theme
could be Fairy Tale.

The theater department did
Into the Woods last year,

and we still have the scenery.

I laid out some
preliminary plans

in this binder.

Wow.

Are those
Jense-Trodder color tabs?

I thought those were discontinued.
They were.

I had to order them through
some Mexican backchannels.

Juan Julio Oficina Supplies?

I thought
they went out of business.

They did, but they opened up
a new one in Oaxaca.

What is happening right now?

Okay. Everybody,
get back to work.

And Allison,
come by my office later,

so we can keep crushing it.

All right,
let's go over our set list.

Set list? No need.

So, what, you're just gonna
put your iPod on shuffle?

No. But I could.
You want to know why?

Because every single song
you own is a banger?

Every song I download
has to pass

a series of rigorous tests

to answer one simple question.

Is it a banger?

How many beats per minute?
How many drops?

How dope are the drops?

Were any acoustic
instruments used?

If so, it is not a banger.

I once accidentally downloaded
a Lumineers song.

I had to throw away my whole
computer just to be safe.

I feel like, to me, set list
flow is very important.

I mean, we're basically
vibe curators.

Ugh! Oh, no.

God, I hope that high school
auditorium is big enough

'cause I'm bringing
10,000 Maniacs.

Sometimes, it's really hard
to be friends with you.

Thank God we don't have
to be seen together.

Yes, we do. We're co-DJs.

Not anymore.

You're working with

DJ RoboDrop.

Oh, I hope that this prom is
exactly like my senior prom.

Theme?
My Heart Will Go On.

Photo booth with
a Monica Lewinsky lookalike.

After-party,
Megan Rickerson's house.

Her parents used to let us
drink as much as we wanted.

That's where we should
have this after-party.

Or, no, we can't. Because
they moved, to prison.

Prom is nothing but a huge party

full of smiling, dancing
people enjoying themselves.

It's literally
my worst nightmare.

And I hate punch.

April Ludgate.

I'm going to sing to you a song

that I first wrote 15 years ago

for my prom date, Sarah Weiss.

You're as hot as the
sun But you're as cold as ice

Let me take you to paradise

I'm going to roll the dice
It will be twice as nice

Sarah... April Ludgate

Will you go to prom with me?

Will you?

Fine, I'll go with you.

Because Leslie's making us,
and we live together,

and we only have
one car right now

because you laked mine.

What does "laked" mean? I
tried to jump it over a lake!

Why don't you stay out of
our conversations, Larry?

Will do.

So, I'm going to
show you some very cool

before and after pictures
of Cherryhurst Park,

one of our
greatest accomplishments.

Why are you showing me all this?

Because I think you have a
real knack for public service.

We here at the Parks Department
have something called

The April Ludgate Summer
Solstice Druid Festival

and Buffalo Wings
Eating Contest.

I don't know why
I let her name it.

Basically, it's
a summer internship program.

I think you'd be great.
Do you want to work here?

Definitely.
I am totally interested.

Great.

Allison Gliffert?

Hi, Mr. Swanson.

You two know each other?

Is there some secret society for
the greatest humans on earth?

Do you meet Tom Hanks
and Elena Kagan

in the Statue of
Liberty's crown?

God, this fake club
I'm inventing is amazing.

Allison's father owns the
hardware store I've been going to

since before
Allison was even born.

What brings you to the
festering putrid stink-hole

on the armpit of freedom?

That's what he calls City Hall.

Leslie was just telling me
about your summer internship,

and I was thinking
about taking it.

No, no, no. No.

I respect your father too much

to let his daughter
work for free

for the government.

Why don't you get a paying job
for the summer?

Why don't you
shut your mustache?

Sorry.
You know what?

Tim Lautner, who owns the
sawmill out on Lowell Drive,

is a personal friend.

He's always looking for
bright young employees

to give money to,
in exchange for honest work.

That would be awesome.

I definitely need money
for school.

Oh, really?

Is it worth a few bucks to get a
million splinters in your fingers,

and then cut off
your fingers accidentally?

'Cause that will happen.

I have tolerated
Leslie's pro-government ways

because her annoying
kindness and generosity

sneakily made me
like her as a person.

But I draw the line

at corrupting America's youth.

I'm sure I can get Allison a
job at Tim Lautner's sawmill.

I once did him a favor.

I built his sawmill.

I may be leaving
this office soon.

I need to plant seeds
for the next generation.

Interns become full-time staff,
become department directors.

Circle of life.
The seasons turn.

It's really quite beautiful.

And if Ron tries to stop me, he
can eat a big old bowl of butts.

Yeah!

Pawnee Class of '99!

Ah-huh!

Oh!

Girl, you look creepy.

Would you like a drink?
All this stuff is free.

No, it's not.

Why did you pay for a limo?

Because it's prom.

If you don't show up in a limo,

legally, they can't let you in.

Does your mom want
to take pictures?

Yeah, she does.

Hey! Orin.

Who's Orin?
I'm April's mom.

You two look adorable.

Ugh! Just take the picture,
already, Mom.

My baby is all grown up.
Have her home by 11:00.

Mom, stop embarrassing me.

Say goodbye to your father.

Bye, Dad.
Goodnight, sir.

This is all the stuff
we have to work with?

Where's everything I requested?

Where's my smoke machine?

Where's my girls dressed
in teddy bear costumes?

Where's my Yeezus mountain?
Yeah, tell me about it.

I specifically requested elliptical
cartridges for the turntables.

How am I supposed to
keep my Husker Du albums

in near-mint condish?

Hey, I have an idea. Why don't
you throw them in the garbage?

My prom was right after
I got impeached,

so I couldn't leave the house
without being egged.

But my parents threw me a prom
in our living room.

I think I'm still
messed up from it.

I was actually only at
my prom for 15 minutes.

By the time I got
my Armani suit pressed

and got the little dimple
on my tie just right,

it was 11:45 p.m.

My date was pretty pissed,
but I looked fly as hell.

Leslie, thanks again.

We just wouldn't have
had a prom without you.

This is A-plus work.

A-plus? Thank you, Principal Russell.
Can I get that in writing?

Oh, Leslie, you haven't
changed since high school.

I can't believe
he gave you an A-plus.

Oh, did he? I didn't
even notice. No bigs.

Listen, Allison,
I have a question for you

that's very important
and very serious.

Listen to me closely.

Will you help
me orchestrate the balloon drop?

Ms. Knope, it'd be my honor.

Oh! Hurray!

Allison.

I was subcontracted by the government
to construct a lighting rig.

Would you like to help me
screw some angle irons

onto some two-by-fours?

I'll give you $40.

Yeah. Sure.

I'll just be over here
having fun.

See you soon!

I know what you're doing, Ron.

And I will defeat you.
Mark my words.

Stop wasting helium. It is intended
for welding and filling airships.

I attended prom
with Susan Hofler.

Picked her up in my truck,

we slow-danced to
a Merle Haggard song,

and then I left early to go
to my shift at the quarry.

I was 12 years old.

Never went again.
Felt like I had outgrown it.

Well, we did it.
We went to prom.

Yay! Let's go now.

No. What, are you kidding? This is awesome.
Look around.

The bloom of youth,

like flowers on the sunset
of an eagle's poetry.

Andy, I hate teenagers.

If you give this a chance, you're
going to love it. I promise.

It's like the movie Expendables 2.
First time, hated it.

Second time, hated it.

Third time, it was okay.

But then, the fourth, fifth, sixth,
seventh, tenth time I watched it,

I realized something.

It's not good.
It's not a good movie.

Now that I've convinced you,
why don't we go dance?

I'm going to go to
the girls' bathroom

to check the trash cans
for babies,

but you can dance if you want.

Really? I love you.
Thank you. Yeah!

Look out!

Hey, no one's
really feeling this.

All right.
Not a 2 Chainz crowd.

I'll throw on some Yeezy
in a second.

Jeezy? Weezy?

Oh, you want some of
that classic stuff.

How about I break you off
some of that Ja Rule?

Who's Ja Rule?

What? How do you...
What? Who's, what?

The stuff you're playing
is so old,

it's probably trinking
on GrizzleDump.

Hey, what's GrizzleDump? And
why is trinking on it bad?

Oh, my God.

I don't know
what's cool anymore!

What's GrizzleDump, Ben?
What's GrizzleDump?

So, have you ever pulled
a ceremonial cord before?

There's a little trick to it.

You want to hold it,
not too tight,

sort of like a firm handshake.

And then, move towards the
ground in a rope-pulling motion.

So, just pull the rope?
That's right.

Thanks, Leslie.
For this,

and for making prom happen
in the first place.

Oh, you don't have to thank me.

Working for the government
is its own reward.

Run, Allison, run.

You're wasting
your time, Leslie.

Allison and I already had
a good talk

about the power of
the hard-earned dollar.

Don't listen to him.

Now, when you pull the rope,

don't look at the balloons.

Look at the faces of the
people as the balloons drop.

That's what government is about.
Look at the faces.

No, look at that cage that is
holding all of those balloons.

I assembled that cage
and was paid for my labor,

and I will use the money to buy
shelter, fuel, and medicine.

Watch the cage.

Pull the rope.
Watch the faces.

Watch the cage.

Watch the faces.

Uh...

Congratulations, Ron.
You've ruined prom.

Everybody's
having a terrible time.

I didn't go to my prom. I was
dating an older fellow back then.

Like I'm gonna dance
with a bunch of kids

while he's coaching
Duke to the Final Four.

I just want to go home,

but I feel bad because Andy's
having such a good time.

How can I love someone when
I hate everything he loves?

That's not true.

He loves a lot of dumb stuff,
but he loves you the most.

If something's bothering
you, just tell him.

It's always better to be direct.

Hey, girl.
Are you ready to go?

I feel like I told you
to wait in the car.

Yeah.

See? Be direct.

Yeah!
You're finished, Knope.

I just spoke with Tim
Lautner from the sawmill

on my mobile telephone,

and he's offering
Allison a paying job.

She'll be assistant to the head mulcher.
Beat that.

First of all, your
telephone is ridiculous.

And second of all,
I already beat it.

She's going to
take that internship.

She pulled the rope.
There's no turning back.

Leslie. Mr. Swanson. May I see
both of you in my office?

Now.

It has come to my attention that both
of you have been harassing Allison

about her summer
employment decisions.

I wouldn't say harassing

so much as
persistently tormenting.

I am disappointed
in you, Leslie.

No! Don't be
disappointed in me.

I've never had
a principal or a teacher

be disappointed in me.

I'm not sure that
I'm equipped to handle it.

Whatever is going on
between you two and Allison

ends right now.

This is supposed to be
a fun event for the kids.

You're absolutely right, and
I will bow out immediately.

Thank you.

I think the only thing
that matters is

whatever A-pluses may or may
not have been handed out,

you know, are still in
effect, in perpetuity.

I have your word then.
This ends now?

Absolutely.

Attention, everyone.

Now it is time for the most magical
moment of any high school prom.

The announcement
of the winner of

the Parks and Recreation's
coveted summer internship.

Without further ado, help me
congratulate Allison Gliffert.

Okay,
a little music here, maybe?

It would probably just ruin the
moment with something lame.

Leslie, I. I told you. I don't
know what I'm doing this summer.

That's okay.
I know what you're doing.

You're gonna
take this internship,

you're gonna fall in love
with public service,

you're gonna rise
through the ranks,

you'll take over Ron's job
as Parks Director,

you'll win a seat in Congress,

and then you and I will run
against each other as President.

But right before
we find out who won,

I'm going to pat you on the back
and say, "It's your turn, kid."

Sorry, children.
Forget this happened.

Continue with your awkward,
close-quarters gyrating.

And if this evening you decide to
have sex, use protection, please!

Dude, if you're not going to
play anything, I'm stepping in.

Go ahead. Play whatever you want.
Can't be any worse than this.

Hey, I love this song!

You actually like this?

Yeah, dude!
It's classic rock!

Well, there's more where
that came from, snoopies.

Sorry. Tried to use slang.
That just came out.

I only listen to CDs.

It's the way music like
this was meant to be heard.

But it's not even
Auto-Tuned.

Where did you get that dress?

I was buried in it.

Babe, huge news.

I just got us invited to
Damian Keating's barn party.

He's captain of the soccer team.

And he has a fake ID, so I think
he can get us all free beer.

What's wrong?

There's cupcakes and music.
Why aren't you having fun?

Because this prom reminds me

that you had, like, a million
friends in high school

and everyone
thought you were awesome,

and I spent four years
making fun of everyone

and hiding mops so the janitor
would think he was going insane.

If we went to
high school together,

we would've
never started dating,

which means that we would've
never gotten married.

And I don't like
thinking about that.

Hey, maybe we wouldn't have gotten
together if we were in high school.

But that's because kids in
high school are idiots.

The only thing that matters is that
we found each other right now.

And it's the best.

You know what?
Let's bail.

We've got that limo
for three more hours.

I think the extra length can
help us get over that lake.

No. Let's stay.
I'll have fun. I promise.

I have never told you this,

but I actually
have a 10-point scale

for how insane you are being.

I observe your behavior, and if it's
a five or below, I say nothing.

Smart.
Saves a lot of time.

If it reaches a six,

like, for example, the incident

with the girls' soccer
uniforms back in '05...

They wrote all of
the team names in pink.

Nobody told them to do that.

I try to steer
you back to safety.

A seven is when I lock you in
your office until you cool down.

This Allison Gliffert thing
may have hit an eight.

I have the police
on stand-by.

It's your move.

I'm thinking of leaving Pawnee.

Moving to Chicago.

I just need to make sure

that the future is secure
around here when I leave.

You know?

Allison would become April, and
then April would become me.

I mean, let's face it, Ron.

I love you, but you're
hopeless without me.

Blueprints for the future
are a fool's errand.

They're like
blueprints for a house.

Nice to have,

but any foreman
with half a brain

doesn't need to look at them.

One day, this year
or maybe the next,

you're going to
be somewhere else.

So enjoy yourself now.

Damn it.

I just wish once

you would say something
stupid so I could ignore it.

Attention, please.
Well, the votes are in.

And your Pawnee High Prom
King and Queen are

Lucy Taylor and Andy Dwyer!

What?
I broke the box

and I threw away all the votes
and I voted for you 1,000 times.

Why don't you get on
up there, King Dwyer?

Not without my queen.

Hi, Pawnee High! As your
Prom King, I am your ruler.

Silence!

My first decree of power
is to declare

that the Prom Queen shall
be my wife, April Ludgate,

who is the best thing
that's ever happened to me,

who came to prom
even though she hates it.

Give me this.
You... Always next year.

No, there isn't.
I'm a senior.

This is your wife?
How old are you?

He's 33 and I'm 47/immortal.

Get out.
High school forever!

Hey, you're having fun now.

I rigged an election and
got kicked out of prom.

I can get on board with that.

My life is over. I'm
officially old and uncool.

I might as well start wearing a
plaid shirt and a tie and khakis

and whatever shoes
you're wearing.

Look, the fact that you don't
know what high schoolers are into

doesn't make you uncool.

It makes you
a normal human adult.

You haven't had time to keep up

'cause the last few years, you
started two different businesses.

I guess that's true.

Richard Branson and Mark Cuban
are too busy making deals

to keep up with
what the kids are into.

How else you explain
their terrible haircuts?

And, hey, you may be old, but
you'll never be as old as me.

Yeah. You're old as.

Thanks, Ben.

Glad I could help.

Allison, we wanted to apologize
for acting so bananas.

You just have so much
promise, we got excited.

You're a good kid.

And whatever you choose,
you'll be great at it.

I have to say,
I admire you both.

You were right, Leslie.

Watching all those happy
faces, it felt amazing.

But it was really nice to build
something and get paid for it.

Ron, she is so
thoughtful and grounded.

Get her away from me

or I'm going to kidnap her and
try to mentor her to death.

Oh, let me introduce you
to my boyfriend.

Greg Pikitis?

What up, Knope?

Hello, Gregory.

You guys know each other?

You might say that.

Come on, baby.

Let's get out of here.

That's that horrible kid
who used to prank us

all the time, right?

Offer is off the table.

She is a terrible person
with terrible judgment.

Pikitis!

Ripped By mstoll