All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E17 - Galentines Day 2 (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Babe, you've gone crazy.

The only thing I'm crazy about

is a magnificent, pregnant
manta ray named Ann Perkins.

I am ranking topics of conversation
for our next phone call.

The worst part about your best friend
living in another stupid state

is the topics really pile up.

What do you think
should be higher priority,

infinity scarves,

or whether or not it's worth
it for me to get Showtime?

Is this really necessary?

When she moved, we promised each
other that we would talk every day.

And we've really fallen behind.

I know your female friends
are very important to you,

but I'm always
a good sounding board.

I mean, I can talk about
Sandra Bullock's skirt length.

No, no, babe, you can't. You
would just embarrass yourself.

Plus, every time I
start talking to you,

five seconds later,
I want to jump your bones.

Ooh, let's do that instead.

See? That's what
I'm talking about.

Yeah, okay. Let's do this.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ripped By mstoll

On to the Unity Concert.

Ben is meeting with the tent
people to finalize those deals.

April and Donna
will be helping me

with the vendor location charts,

and I will be meeting with the
surveyors about the concert grounds.

I would like to volunteer to
do the park survey myself.

Wow, Ron, I always
knew there would be

a day when I would
get through to you

and you would
love government work.

Today is that historic day.

Yes, that is what has happened.

Spending the day outside,
alone, sounds like a dream.

I love being a father, but
there are a few things I miss.

Silence, the absence of noise,

one single moment undisturbed

by the sounds of
a children's TV program

called "Doc McStuffins."

There is no quiet anymore.

There is only Doc McStuffins.

Sorry, I'm late.

Andy, why don't you
go with Ron and help him?

I really don't need...

Shotgun. I called shotgun.
Where are we going?

Doesn't matter. Shotgun.

Shotgun on all rides
for the rest of the day.

For the rest of my life, in any car.

I just faced you suckers.

So, I'll see you in the
parking lot, Ron. Later!

Is the tent guy left-handed
or right-handed?

I just need to know which way to

part my hair to get
us a better price.

It's a business
theory I'm working on.

I really don't think it matters.
Pretty straight-forward deal.

A straight-forward deal?
Why didn't you tell me?

I don't have my "straight-forward
deal" fedora on me.

We've got to stop by my
storage unit on the way up.

Hey, Larry. Hey, you want to
come with us to Tent World?

Little road trip?
Tent World?

Yeah. Let me grab my lunch.

No. Why did
you invite Larry?

He's been doing all the
paperwork for this deal.

He deserves to come.

Remember you said that when
Larry's farting up the car.

Larry isn't
that bad. He's nice.

And frankly, I don't care
who knows that I said that,

As long as no one
knows that I said that.

Okay, ladies,
I will be in my office

for one to seven hours
for my weekly chat with Ann.

I brought some fresh snacks.

And I made a backup plan for the
vendor chart in case yours isn't good.

Actually, Ann called while
you were in the bathroom.

She said something came up.
She'd call you later.

I don't know. I told her
to leave you a voicemail.

God, why did you
let me say all that?

I'm coming, Ann's voicemail!
I'm coming!

Listen to me very
carefully. I have not been taken.

I know that's always your first
fear when I'm not available,

but this is not a Liam Neeson
Taken scenario.

That's exactly what
they'd make you say.

Also, no one's
making me say this.

I am a free woman, un-taken,
simply going about my business.

I just had to run.
Something came up.

I love you,
and I'll call you later.

Donna. What's good, baby?

What's going
down in Donna-town?

What's the haps
in Meagle-wood?

I'm listening to
Jaleel or No Deal.

It's a podcast
where the kid who played

Urkel reviews old
Deal or No Deal episodes.

It's pointless and I love it.

Okay. Don't
let me interrupt.

April, what's the 4-1-1,
Little Mama?

What's the hot goss? Who you
crushing on these days?

My husband, weirdo. Can I get
back to work now? Thanks. Bye.

Work? You can work whenever.
Except for now.

Because now is lady time.

You sound like
a tampon commercial.

I'm setting up an impromptu
Galentine's Day.

Really?
Yeah.

Wait, I thought you weren't going
to do Galentine's Day this year

because that she-beast moved away.
I believe her name was Satan?

Her name is Ann and she is
gone, and I have accepted it,

and we are going to have Galentine's Day.
Ladies, up front.

I need an Ann
who lives in Pawnee.

And there is no one obvious
candidate, so, I will test them out

on the ultimate battlefield of female
friendship, Galentine's Day brunch.

It will be a women's-only

marathon bonding session
with tons of whipped cream.

Side note,
do not google that phrase.

Hey, Ron, can I ask you
kind of an important question?

You know, like, when you go
to the ATM and you get money,

is there an actual
guy standing behind

the wall who slides
dollar bills in there?

No.
Yeah. It's robots.

Actually, you know what?
I do have a serious question.

In the movie Predator, can you
rub any kind of mud on yourself

to prevent
Predator from seeing you

with his thermal
heat signature sight?

Or is it more...

That sucks.
Are you hurt?

No, all good. All good.

Oops.

Except for my mouth.

Oh, whoa!

Five-second rule.

No. Ah!

Come on. We better
get you to a dentist.

Oh, my God, Larry. Your tuna
fish sandwich stunk up my suit.

Gayle made it for me.
Irrelevant. You know what?

Stay out here and double-check
these deal memos.

If you get through them, triple-check them.
Just don't come inside.

Sounds good. I will finish my
sandwich and enjoy the view.

Hey, Harvey.

Ben Wyatt. We spoke on the phone?
Yeah.

Yeah, we sure did. Okay. Who's
this little genie right here?

Tom Haverford.
Pawnee Business Liaison.

Okay. I've got your contracts
for you right here.

Wow. It's a lot thicker than the
original, one-page version.

I take tents pretty seriously, Ben.
I'm a tent guy.

I've got over 1,300 tents
in this warehouse alone.

Nine hundred of those
are over 2,000 square feet,

80 of them are striped,

and exactly four of them were
once rented by Ms. Rene Russo.

Whoa! Yeah. No doy. I think
I know what I'm doing.

So, I added a few
syllables and what not.

Clauses, et cetera.
Addendums, what have you.

Why don't you go ahead
and sign that for me?

Yeah, I think we're going to
need to take a look at this.

So, I guess this is not a
straight-forward deal.

Shauna, I'm so glad you could make it.
You're so tan.

Thanks. I just got back
from a solo trip to Rome.

I was going to go
with my boyfriend,

but he couldn't come because he
decided to stay with his wife.

I love Rome.
It's such a great place.

Rome's played out. Have
y'all been to Kuala Lumpur?

When did you go to Asia?

I go all the time.

Where do you think I got that crystal
Buddha head above my Jacuzzi?

You have a Jacuzzi?
Good to know.

Prospects for new
Pawnee Best Friend.

Donna Meagle. Confident,
worldly, we go way back.

April Ludgate. Vivid
imagination, young, and vibrant.

Shauna Malwae-Tweep. Pretty, fragile,
makes terrible life decisions.

A real fixer-upper,
but look,

it's not like Ann was doing
so hot when I met her.

Ethel Beavers. A bit of a dark horse.
Crotchety, but probably wise.

And then, we've got
Evelyn, aka "Fake Ann."

I don't know her last name.
Honestly, we just needed bodies.

Thank you, everyone, for getting
together on such short notice.

And Happy Galentine's Day.

Now, this is not
technically the right date,

but anytime a group of women
get together for brunch,

we embody
the spirit of the holiday.

Today, we will celebrate friendship,
spend a few hours together,

and answer a couple of
questions I've compiled.

Just for fun.
Nothing serious.

But please answer them
with complete honesty

'cause I'll be able to
tell if you're lying.

To girlfriends!

Okay. It's time for a little
Galentine's Day Q and A.

Donna, you pick first.

"What is your
favorite TV show?"

Well, for live-tweeting,
it's Scandal.

For binge-watching,
it's Scandal.

But for fashion, it's actually Scandal.
My answer is Scandal.

Hmm. April?

I love watching Russian
traffic accidents on YouTube,

while I play children's
music at the wrong RPM.

I like beauty pageants. Everyone
is so happy and perfect.

I like Diagnosis
Murder and skin flicks.

Can anybody top me off?

The correct answer for favorite
TV show is Friday Night Lights.

The correct answer?

Next question.

Okay, this contract
is insane.

It costs extra to have
people inside the tents?

And what's a flap tax?

Well, you need flaps, bro. A tent
without flaps is basically a parachute.

An unfolding charge?

A noise-damage waiver?
How can noise damage tents?

Keep your voice down, please.
There are tents here.

Now, look, you can argue
with me all you want.

But for every line item that
you two idiots disagree with,

there's gonna be
a $50 discussion surcharge.

What are we up to, doll?

Four hundred dollars.

A discussion surcharge?
That's nuts.

Four hundred and fifty dollars.

That's it. Deal's off. We'll
take our business elsewhere.

Suit yourself, gentlemen.
Sorry we couldn't make a deal.

Wait, wait. Let me
try one more thing.

What's the price now?

Eighty dollars more. I liked
it better the other way.

It does have an effect, though.

The receptionist said she'll fit
you in as soon as there's an opening.

If you're all right, I'm going
to head back to the park.

Yeah, but real quick,
real quick.

Do you know what my social
security number is?

Or if I'm allergic to anything?

I don't like corn.
Should I put that down?

Or will that be confusing
because I do like candy corn?

Ron. What a mess.

Here, let me help you.

All I wanted was two hours where I
got to forget that I was a parent.

Ron, look. I found
all three differences.

Those are two completely
different pictures.

"Ladies' Choice."

Wildcard option. Okay.

Anybody reveal anything about their life.
Anything at all.

I've gotten two annulments.

One for pleasure,

and one to cap off a long-con I
was running against Keith Sweat.

Ethel, have you...
Okay, Ethel's asleep.

Shauna?

I'm writing
a memoir based on my blog.

It's called,
"Tweeping up Appearances."

And it's about my journey to find
happiness by smiling through the pain.

Okay, I can work with that.

Knope, what you got
going on in that notebook?

Just jotting down memories
in my trusty old journal.

"Friendship Rankings."
What's that?

It's not what it sounds like.

It's simply a way for me to figure
out which one of you is the best.

That's messed up. Yeah, that is
really lame and I'm leaving.

You're better than that, Knope.

Donna, why are you angry?
You are in first place.

Bye, everyone.
This was a really...

Brunch.
Leave the bag.

If you do
this again next year,

don't call me.

Well, by default, it's Shauna.

That's how you want to find your new
best friend, right? By default?

My pores are clogged up from
being in that dusty warehouse.

I'm going to check if this gas
station has some Bior� strips.

Thanks, Larry.
That's nice of you.

Gayle always has me
do the windshield.

She likes to stand
behind me and watch.

According to her,
it's the best view.

How is Gayle?

Wonderful.

And the girls?

They're good.

Why do you want to know?

I'm genuinely interested?

I'm sorry.
I'm just not used to

people from the office
asking me things.

It's kind of scary.
In a good way, though.

Man, did I miss a Larry fart?

No. We were just...

Yeah, Tom.
I really ripped one.

Didn't I, Ben?

Yeah. Yeah. It was loud.

It smells like a hippopotamus
took a dump on a skunk.

It's in your best interest.

Well, the numbers don't lie.
I'm a Goofus, not a Gallant.

We've been here forever.
Can we go?

Don't you want to
get your tooth fixed?

I don't know. I think my tooth
looks fine just like this.

Well, my grandmother
was missing that tooth,

and she was the most beautiful
woman on her oil rig.

You are an adult.
I'm not your dad.

If you want to go, we can go.

Thanks, Ron. I just want you to know,
even though you're not my dad,

you're like
an old brother to me.

Like a cool uncle,
but old like a grandpa.

But cool like a son.

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

No problem.
That will be $8, please.

What, you're charging
us for coffee?

What kind of a business would...
Uh-oh.

Hello, gentlemen.

You've got to be kidding me.
You own this place, too?

That's right, dickweed.
You want to talk deal?

Because my prices have gone up ever
so slightly since I saw you last.

No, we're not giving in
to your crazy demands.

There are plenty of other tent rental
places within driving distance.

Yeah. I'm calling Tent Emporium.
Right now.

Tent Emporium. How can
I help you, buttface?

What?
Come on.

Yes. I own every tent
store in Southern Indiana.

Tent Town, Rent Ten Tents,
The Tent Offensive,

Tent Detective.

I also own
a Chick-fil-A franchise.

That's not doing so
hot right now. Whatever.

Let's get out of here.

You've reached The Tentagon.
How can I help you, buttface?

Okay, here's an idea.
Why don't we find something...

Anything, no matter how small,
that we have in common?

For example, I'm an only child.
Me, too.

Although, when I was in college,

I found out that my
dad had a second family.

Well, we were the second
family, technically.

Okay. Well,
we both went to college.

There's that.
Yeah.

Oh, my God! Ann had her baby!
Wow, this has been fun.

The bill is already paid.

May I gently
suggest that you check out

Chris Traeger's wonderful therapist, Dr.
Richard Nygard?

Although there is a tiny part
of me that always thought

it was just Chris
talking into a mirror.

Anyway, maybe you
should look him up.

I don't know.
I read a book once that said

a woman should never
make the first move.

That doesn't apply to therapy.
Okay. Good luck.

Oliver Perkins-Traeger,
meet your Aunt Leslie.

Hey! Oh, he's so beautiful.

And you're so beautiful. I
mean, you're always beautiful.

But right now, you are the most
beautiful, glowing sun goddess ever.

Why didn't you tell
me you were in labor?

Well, because I knew you'd
drop everything and rush here.

And contractions can sometimes
go for days. Thank you.

So, I didn't want you to
be stuck waiting around.

Well, I'm glad I'm here now.
Where's Chris?

He was such a good coach

that the nurses asked him to help
out with a delivery down the hall.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Andrew, you need to
get your tooth fixed.

No way. I'm not
going back there.

I already won all
the magazine mazes.

Don't worry,
it's going to be fine.

Ow!

If you don't take care of the problem
now, it's only going to get worse.

Come on. I'll drive you back.

Fine. Let me just wolf down
this peanut brittle real quick.

Why would you do that?

Right. Because calories.

We're dead.

The only tent store this guy
doesn't own is 300 miles away.

Hang on, here's
a place that might work.

It's called "Sweaty
Roger's Pants Tent."

No, you can't rent tents there.

Hey, guys.

Look, I was double-checking all
the paperwork that Tom gave me

in that super fun parking lot,

and there was something about
Harvey's corporate structure

that just seemed fishy.

So I dug around,
and it turns out

he has got a lot
of code violations.

Whoa!
Hmm-mmm.

Larry, this is great stuff.

I never thought I would say it,

but I'm a genius for making you
stay outside and do a menial task.

Couldn't agree more.
You did it, Tom.

I don't want to drive back.
I miss you so much.

No one even comes
close to you as a friend.

I even tried to rank the women at
work, but that was a total bust.

You ranked them?

I thought maybe I could use
Galentine's Day as an opportunity...

Leslie, Galentine's Day?

What do you want me to do, Ann?

I need to find a replacement.

And don't worry, it didn't work.

Nobody can match
your ethnic hybrid energy.

Everybody brings their own
unique strengths to the table.

Some that even I don't have.

You shut your mouth.
You have all the strengths.

Look, you love harder than anyone I know.
It's tough to match.

And I know Donna and
April don't show it,

but they would do
anything for you.

And it's not like you and
I always see eye to eye.

I mean, Friday Night Lights?

I am more of a Riggins girl,
and you lean Saracen.

Yeah, because
Riggins is a criminal.

He took the fall
for his brother.

Okay, he didn't watch
out for his brother.

I'm not having this
conversation with you again.

That family is garbage.

The point is, we didn't
always like the same stuff

when we first became friends.

Just don't force it.
Give it some time.

I know. You're right, Ann.
Thank you.

It's just, I'm missing
you and there's

so much stuff I want
to talk to you about.

Well, you're here now.
So, let's talk.

I think Oliver has
more pressing business.

Okay, but we should talk soon.

Because I almost bought a
toe ring the other day.

What? Ann, you're somebody's mother.
I know.

Okay. I'm going to
give you two some time.

I'll call you from the car.

I'll be out here
if you need me.

Thanks for doing this, Ron.

When it's all said and done, there
were a few mazes I'd cheated on.

Also, the inside of my
mouth is black and hot.

So, do I strip down to my
underwear, or all the way naked?

Hello, Diane. I am coming
home soon to relieve you.

Give you a little break.

It's no trouble at all. I'm a parent.
I'm always on duty.

What flavor ice cream would
you and the children like?

I'm getting some for a
30-year-old who works for me,

so, I can bring
some home for you, too.

Hello, Harvey.

We found a glaring number of code
violations you've committed.

I could see to it
that you never rent

another tent in this region again.

Gentlemen, I've won two online
satellite Jamaican poker tournaments.

I can tell that you're bluffing.

Your Pawnee business
license has lapsed,

which negates most of the
deals you've made this year.

I'm guessing you're
pretty bad at poker.

I am. And I was bluffing about
winning those tournaments.

Gentlemen, clearly, there's
been a misunderstanding here.

I'm hoping that we can reach
some kind of a compromise.

Yeah. First off,
I need to know

where you got these
zebra print pillows.

Second of all, I've
got a Tin Cup Blu-ray

itching for a Rene Russo signature.
Tom.

The compromise is
that you're going to

sign the deal we
originally agreed upon.

We're going to let you
continue renting tents,

and you're going to
do it at a fair price.

And Larry? He's the guy
that brought you down,

and he's going to be
watching you like a hawk.

Oh, hey. I'm Larry. Great to know you.
I love Tent World.

God! Can you just be
cool for one second?

Okay.

Black coffee with extra
grounds, gross, for April,

and a mocha ice
blended for Donna.

Guys, I totally blew it. I was all
screwed up and I'm really sorry.

You're wonderful friends,
and I love you.

We love your
crazy ass, too, Knope.

I think you're fine.
Like, a solid B-minus.

Great. I'll take it.

We know you've been missing
Ann so we got you this.

Press the paw.

Hi, Leslie.
It's Ann. I love you,

and everything's gonna be okay.

It's cute, right?

I'm very lucky to have you both.

When Ann and I used to fight, we would
make up with a five-minute hug.

You touch me and
I stab the bunny.

Yeah, it's about time for my mid-morning
mani, so I'm gonna to head out.

Okay. Well, that's fine.

We'll forge our
own unique traditions

in the fiery cauldron
of female friendship.

I'm just an impartial bunny,
but I think Ann sucks.

Also, I'm the Zodiac Killer.

And we might even be able to
pull it off under budget.

Sorry. Sorry, you guys. I'm sorry.
I'm trying to find my inhaler.

Because I'm having a little...

Take your time. It's not like we're
trying to get work done here.

Yeah, Larry. By the way,
you're looking in the wrong spot.

Your inhaler is
hidden under the pile

of pistachio shells
on my desk, obviously.

Okay, well, that's funny because I'm
terribly allergic to pistachios.

Classic.

Okay. You know what?
I need to say something.

I like Larry.

He's a good friend,
and a fine man

with an inexplicably
gorgeous wife.

I mean, to the point where
it makes no sense at all.

Sorry.
I'm getting off track.

He's a nice person.

And we should all
stand up and say

I like...

Ben, no!
What are you doing?

He's embarrassing himself
and throwing away his career.

Sweetheart, stop.

O Captain! My Captain!

What is happening?

Larry is my friend.

Thank you, Ben. I mean that.

Oh!

Got so startled, I tooted.

Come on, man.
Gross.

Ripped By mstoll