All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E11 - New Beginnings (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Hello, I am Leslie Knope,
and I am here to interview

for the Deputy
Parks Director job.

Leslie, this is ridiculous.
It's your job. Take it.

Well, I should have to interview
just like everyone else.

Hmm.

Now, if you'll see on my resume,

I held the position of Deputy
Director of Parks and Recreation

for almost ten years.

I know. I was your boss.

I also walked you down
the aisle at your wedding.

Take the job and leave me alone.

Come on, Ron.
Just interview me!

No special treatment.

Okay. Fine.

What do you believe should be the
ultimate goal of this department?

The ancient Greek version of
the park was the agora,

a gathering place where people
from all walks of life...

What are you writing?
Is it good?

What do you think is the best
use of our yearly budget?

It's right there in the name,
maintaining our beautiful parks,

and providing healthy,
outdoor recreation.

I'm sorry, Miss Knope,
the correct answer is,

"Give it all back
to the taxpayers."

It seems you and I have fundamentally
different philosophies.

Frankly, it's a miracle
we ever worked

together without
killing each other.

Good day.

Ha, ha! Okay.
No more goofing around.

Just tell me I have the job.

I have a lot of other people to meet with.
I'll be in touch.

Ron! Come on. It's me!
Give me special treatment.

Ripped By mstoll

Okay! First morning meeting back
in the old conference room.

What's this? TOM: Oh, we chose
everyone's spirit dogs.

That one's you! You guys
think I'm a border collie?

I'm so obviously
a cocker spaniel.

The Spirit Dog Committee
ruled on that weeks ago.

There is no appeals process.

No.

Totally. I'm in on the joke.
I get it.

But maybe we should
stop talking about

your insane dog
choices and get to working.

Classic border collie.
Has to control everything.

Totally.

First on the agenda,

I'm gonna bring
my lemonade stand idea

to the Small Business Coalition,

and a little birdie told me
it's already in the bag.

Can I get a what what?

What?
What?

Thank you!
No. What idea?

The fellow who runs
the "Hot Stew"

stand in Lafayette
Park is retiring

so Pawnee's new
Business Liaison, Tom,

went out and got the Indiana
Brothers Juice Company

to rent it out
as a lemonade stand.

Wow.

Plus, I downloaded this dope app

that pops champagne whenever
I say something awesome.

Tom, that's great! I know.
And it was only nine bucks!

No, I mean the lemonade...
Never mind.

Well, I will start doing
an environmental impact study,

and Ron, you can do
some demographic research.

Don't sweat it, Lez-Kno. Tommy's
taken care of every last detail.

Nothing I can do to help?
Okay.

Oh.

I could straighten this
for ya. There we go.

Oh, Larry! We've been taking
pictures all over City Hall

to show our unborn baby
where we met. Would you mind?

Oh, my gosh.
I would be honored.

Say, when are you crazy
kids going to get hitched?

You know, actually, we haven't
discussed it in a while.

You know, it's kind of
taken a back seat.

Well, you know, to each his own,

but you guys really
seem like you're in love.

And when I see a couple who look
at each other the way you do,

I don't know,
it just makes me think that

maybe this crazy
world is gonna be okay.

That literally
went on forever.

I thought you were never going to stop
talking. But now that you have...

Ann Perkins, will you marry me?

Wow.
Cracker dust.

I mean, yes. Of course.
Let's do it.

Can I have a sip of
your water, please?

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm a bit of a germaphobe.

Oh, no, no. Totally understand.
I'll just...

Ann Perkins...

I'm gonna cough it out.

I would like to spend the rest
of my life with you. I love you.

I love you, too.

No part of this is
how I pictured it.

I thought another cracker might

push it through but I was wrong.

Let's do this right.
Yeah.

Let's go get an engagement ring!
Yes.

That was a beautiful moment.

Hello, friends! You guys
enjoying that cheese?

It's unpasteurized.

Yuck, what's that mean?

"Unpasteurized"?

I don't care.
I don't care.

Technically it's
illegal in this country.

I smuggled it back from Paris!

Anyway, I want you guys to think
of my office as a clubhouse.

Total open-door policy.

I want to be your friend
as well as your boss.

What the hell is wrong with you?
Are you in a cult? Can I join?

Let's sacrifice Larry.

Oh, April.

It's my first day
as City Manager.

So I'm holding open office hours

to break the ice.

Now, Chris was always the nice
guy that made everyone happy,

while I brought down the hammer.

But now that he's gone,
I kind of have to do both.

Everyone is the best.
We're cutting vacation time.

Let's eat vitamins.
This is exhausting.

Listen, real quick, I have
some super cool new rules...

Oh, nice.

That are also super mandatory.

Uh, we can't use Facebook anymore?
Are you serious?

That's right. Massive time waster.
Kills productivity.

Hey, Sanitation! Listen.
Let's talk health insurance.

Your dependents don't have it anymore.
Have some illegal cheese!

"No cell phone usage
on City Hall property?"

That's not fair. My cell phone
is how I avoid doing work.

"Bathroom breaks should be
limited to five minutes?"

I can't shower in five minutes.

See, he's acting
all loosey-goosey,

but that little dude's wound
so tight he's gonna pop.

Hey, Sanitation! Sanitation
in the house tonight!

Oh, what happened to
our spirit dogs?

I came up with a way better game.
Behold! Your Spirit Kangaroo!

Tom, you are a Blue Flyer.
So am I. So are you and Donna.

And look at Ron.
Look at Ron.

I mean, Doesn't Ron
look exactly like a Blue Flyer?

There aren't that many
different types of kangaroos.

Either way,
helluva game, right guys?

Presentations are upon us.
So, Tom, which step are you at

in the Leslie Knope Project
Preparedness Super System?

Yeah, once you got on the City Council,
we kind of stopped doing that.

What? Tom. No.

You cannot drop the Leslie Knope

Project Preparedness
Super System.

It was developed over thousands

of government presentations that
I gave over the past ten years.

It is my very soul.

Well, I have my own system.

Step one, chill out a bit. Step
two, get up there and rip it.

That's your plan?
To "rip it"?

Leslie, this is Tom's project.

Perhaps you should
let him do things his way.

Sure. Yeah. You should
probably just "rip it."

I think that's better than going

with a tried-and-true
80-step system

that led to, and I quote,

"The most thorough
and dare we say,

"at times, over-prepared
presentation that we've ever seen."

And, yeah, that quote came from
the Indiana Blue Ribbon Panel

on Irrigation and Drainage.

Fine. I'll go back
to your system.

You're the big dog around here.

Big kangaroo.
And, thank you.

Well, yeah,
I was gone for a while,

and things are a little
different around here,

but this is still my house. I
invented this Parks game, son!

Oh!

Damn it! When did
they put a lamp here?

Hey! The boys in blue!
What can I do for you... For?

We got a tip about some food
entering the country illegally.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's just cheese, guys.

Uh, I got it in France.

Okay. Did you declare it
on your customs

form when you
re-entered the country?

We're gonna need you
to come down to the station.

I'm sure that's not
necessary, let's just...

This is really good cheese.
You should try some.

Are you trying to bribe us?
No! Oh, God. I surrender.

Just step forward.
Thank you.

Okay. Okay.

This is so exciting.

Hi, folks. When's the big day? I
assume this is a, you know...

Oh, no,
this isn't a shotgun wedding.

Although, yes, she is
pregnant, and yes,

we did just decide
to get married today.

We haven't told our families
or chosen a venue.

But it's not a shotgun wedding.

We've been planning
ours for months.

You wouldn't believe
how much there is to do.

Invitations, table settings,
color scheme, dance lessons.

And that's just for
the rehearsal dinner.

Seriously, that's just
for the rehearsal dinner.

That sounds elaborate!

All we did was punch "jewelry
store" into our car GPS.

You remember that
romantic moment, Chris?

I was getting gas.
No, I don't remember it.

Hey, Tom. I don't mean
to bug you or anything,

but I notice that my Super
System binder is closed.

Just checking
that you had a chance

to re-familiarize yourself?
Entirely?

Yeah, flipped through it.
Looks good.

Huh, you're lying. I placed a single
strand of hair along the edge,

and that secret
strand is unbroken!

Whose hair is that?
It's brown.

Look. It seems like you don't even
care about your presentation.

Au contraire!
I'm working on it right now!

And what's the most important
part of a presentation?

Content.
The presentation.

Okay. Tom,
you need hard data.

You need facts
to make your case.

And then you need two funny
quotes and an inspirational one.

You know, a classic...
Ha, ha, hmm.

Look, I think you
need to take a page

outta my system,
and chill out a bit.

Okay? I got this.

Okay. Fine. I trust you.

But I think you're gonna fail
and you're a ticking time bomb.

What's that?
Nothing! Good luck!

This is an elk hair.

Yes. It's the most effective
hair for binder security!

You know that, Ron.

If Tom gives that presentation,

it is going to be
a total disaster

for both him and the department.

I cannot sit idly by and watch
this terrible thing happen.

I mean, I can barely sit idly by
and watch good things happen.

We've got a couple of Customs
agents coming down from the border

and they are not happy.

I can't believe this. I never break
the law. I've never even jaywalked.

Never?

I mean, I...
Everyone does it sometimes.

I'll just add
that to the charges.

Well, well, well.
We got a hit on your prints.

It seems that you're wanted
for tax fraud in Colorado.

What? I've never even
been to Colorado!

I mean, I had
a layover in Denver once.

Man, you can't keep your
story straight, can you?

Come on!

Here come the Customs guys now.

Fellas, he's all yours!

Kaboom!
Ya pranked!

You gotta see the stupid
look on your face!

Check this out. I took a picture!
Classic!

You seemed a little uptight.

Thought we'd have some fun
with our new boss.

Wow. You got me. Good one!

Making me think I was gonna,
like, die in federal prison.

That's super funny.
You scamps!

Now, Stu, I know that you're
thinking about retiring.

And I am here to ask you to reconsider.
What do you say?

Keep that Lafayette
Park stand open,

pumping out the stew,
like you do.

I don't know.

I'm looking forward
to spending time with my wife,

working on some new hobbies. I was
thinking about getting into bisques!

Stu, you have been a staple in the
Parks Department system for years!

Retirement is for the birds.
You're gonna be so bored.

I'm gonna say this
because you need to hear it.

Screw bisque!

That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah.

What now? What do I do?

Well, we're gonna
need to convince

the Business Council
to keep you around,

but that's not for you to worry about.
I'll take care of it.

You just keep on
stewin' what ya stew!

Thanks, Leslie.

This calls for a toast.

Susan? Stew flutes, please.

Ah.

To stew!

Mmm! Oh, my God, that's very hot!
Mmm-hmm.

Congratulations,
this is a beauty.

If you'd like, I could engrave the
date on the inside of the band.

That might be tough 'cause we
actually haven't discussed it yet.

We could engrave 2014?
Or, TBD?

Hang on. If neither of us has
ever thought about this stuff,

then maybe there's a reason.

When you think
about it, we are already

more married than
most married people.

Right? I mean we're having a child
together, we're moving to a new city.

You let me pee
with the door open

so I could watch
the end of Grey's Anatomy.

That was a fantastic season
finale, and a show that is,

literally, a never-ending
roller coaster of emotion.

I mean, why spend
thousands of dollars

just to reaffirm
what we already know?

Which is that we
love each other.

That is so beautiful.

Theodore? We would like to return
that ring and get a refund, please.

Maybe we should
talk this over, too.

Oh, come on.

Think what we could do
if we didn't buy this ring.

I mean, this could go
towards buying a house.

You have a lovely store.

Boss.
Hey.

I was just printing out
my Minesweeper high score,

and I noticed this memo. You're
punishing us? For the prank?

No. No, no, no, no, no. It's
just like a warning memo, like,

"Hey, all in good fun,
but I'm your boss,

"and if you do it again,
you're suspended."

That kind of thing.

Listen, I know that you're
the governor or whatever,

and I'm just government junior.
What?

I feel like you're blowing it.

If you want people to like
you, you have to play along.

Don't punish Donna and April.
Prank them back.

I guess I could stand
to loosen up a little.

But I don't know
how to pull a prank.

Dude! Okay.
Well, I could help you.

Yeah?
Yeah.

I once did
the best prank of all time.

I dumped all my boss's action
figures into a fish tank.

Yeah, that was me.
And I didn't really like it.

Classic.

Great news, guys!
I just saved your bacon.

Impossible. You don't
even know where it is.

I know you were excited to get in
front of the committee and "rip it,"

but in the spirit of teamwork,
I unilaterally

decided to bring
Stu out of retirement.

So, pressure's off!

What? I spent
a lot of time on this.

Doing what? Putting
mousse in your hair?

It's a gel-based serum! Second
of all, who uses mousse still?

Oh, God! Leslie, let's put our
differences aside for a second...

Friend to friend,
do you still use mousse?

No! I use the juicy based thing.
Whatever you do.

The point is, you weren't
ready for this, Tom.

Stu's sales are flat.
Lemonade is the future.

I'm still doing my presentation.

I'm still doing
my Stu presentation.

And we'll see which
one the committee likes.

Fine.
Fine!

Yeah. I didn't think so.

On the other hand, there are
some benefits to being married.

Taxes, health insurance...

And, I don't have to feel weird

when hotel employees
call me Mr. Perkins.

Yeah, that makes
me feel weird, too.

Maybe we should.
I don't know anymore.

"Maybe we should,
I don't know anymore."

Ann, that is
a beautiful sentiment.

Okay, you're all set. Credit
card's been fully refunded.

Perfect timing! We are going
to buy this ring. Charge it!

Ann Perkins, will you marry me?

I don't know!

Me either!
Maybe let's not?

Yeah I think maybe not!

Okay, the ring's yours again.
Hello?

Actually,
we don't want the ring.

Unbelievable.

Leslie, I'm the
last person to want

to deprive
the world of more stew,

but are you sure
you want to do this?

Look, I love Tom,
but you and I both know

that he's not ready to step up.

Don't you remember his last
presentation on topsoil?

The botched laser show?
Larry still can't see purple.

That was Larry's fault. He picked up
the laser and stared right into it.

I know, but still... Tom is
all flash, and no substance.

That's the old Tom.

You've been gone for a while, Leslie.
Tom has changed.

He ran a business,
sold it for a profit.

He's also been working
here for six years,

and he's learned a lot from you.

At some point, you're gonna have
to trust him to do his job.

You guys.
You guys. Be cool.

What's going on?

I kind of convinced
Ben to prank you guys,

and it got a little out of hand.

I probably should have said
"no" to some of his ideas,

but he's on his way here right now.
Here he is. Just, be cool.

Hey, guys, what's up?
Um, oh, I just remembered,

can I show you something
out to the front area?

And leave your cell phones,
because of no reason.

Just leave anything
that can't get wet, actually.

Like you would normally.

Okay. Here we go to
the parking lot now.

Wow, this is really sad.

Yup, follow to me guys!

Just go to the parking lot
for normal government reasons.

Sorry, I can't go through with this.
I was gonna pull a prank.

No!
Yeah.

I hired these guys in ski
masks to "kidnap" us,

and I was gonna pretend to be a
hero, and they were gonna shoot me,

and then drive
the van into the river,

and that's when
the divers would go in,

pull you guys out of the water and I
would be standing on the shore, like,

"Hey, get pranked much?"

What the?

I even got these squibs
from a special effects guy.

And I was gonna
say this code word.

And that's when
I would push this button.

No, no, no, no, no!

My God!
You got blood all over me.

Thank you.

I mean it.
Ben, that was amazing.

Really?
Best prank ever.

I'm sorry, buddy, Daddy can't
get home to tuck you in.

Oh, how old is your son?

Just pick a thing!

Honey, look at this.
This is what I want.

I don't want a ring, I don't want a
wedding, I just want this locket,

with a picture of
our child in it.

I mean,
we've never been traditional.

We made out the first
night we ever met.

And when we did date, we broke
up, but you didn't realize it

and that was very
embarrassing for you.

Yeah, let's maybe not talk
about that part right now.

And then we got pregnant as
friends, and then we fell in love.

We've never been very conventional.
So, why start now?

Theodore, we will not
be needing that ring.

But we would like to purchase
this locket. How much?

Just take it and get outta here.

Thank you.
Thanks.

We're here to
discuss a business contract

for the Lafayette
Park food stand.

Miss Knope,
you've always steered

this committee in
the right direction.

Why do you think we should
renew Hot Stu's lease?

Well, frankly,
it's because of Stu.

Here is a man who
was ready to retire,

spend time with
his family, travel.

And then he realized,
"No, I want to spend

"my time in a small
metal box all summer

"bent over a boiling cauldron
of steaming, bubbling meat."

Making stew is hard. Up at the
crack of dawn, backbreaking labor,

your clothes smelling
like salt and gristle.

Sure, profits are minimal, but
Stu doesn't care about that.

Maybe a year
extension isn't enough.

Maybe we should
make it five years.

Heck, why don't we
give him a lifetime deal?

I'd like to see Stu ladling out
his pungent beef smoothies

until we bury him
under that shed.

Hey. I think I've made
a terrible mistake.

Okay, that was bleak.

Uh, Mr. Haverford, you have
a presentation as well?

Hey. Rip it.

There's nothing more
American than lemonade.

Just saying the word
makes you wanna drink some.

And now you can.
Check under your seats.

Hey, hey, it has my name on it!

Yes, it does.
Classic for you, Carter.

Darva, yours is a pink lemonade.
I know you love that.

Because I like pink!
That's right!

Now, who here likes laser shows?

Summer foot traffic in Lafayette
Park has increased 23%.

The Indiana Brothers
are the fastest-growing

beverage company in the Midwest.

My projections show they can
increase government revenue

30% over the next five years.

Plus, they've agreed
to waive their franchise fee.

Look, guys. I'm sorry
about all the new rules,

but, you know,
I want you to like me.

But I also really
need you to respect me.

I respect you, little buddy!
Hmm, respect noogie!

We didn't prank you
because we don't respect you.

We did it 'cause we love you.

R-E-S-P-E-G-C.

That's actually not how
respect is spelled. Yes.

According to Urethra Franklin,
that's exactly how it's spelled.

Hey, Wyatt. You were
a good sport earlier.

No hard feelings?

Here's a little gift for you
for believing in me. Oh.

It's a gel-based hair serum.
Enough with the mousse. For real.

Okay. Well, Ron.
You were right.

Tom has really grown up.

You seem merely overjoyed, instead
of irritatingly ecstatic. Why?

Well, Tom's come into his own,
April runs Animal Control.

I mean, does this department
even need me anymore?

No. We do not.

April and Tom started out as two

of the most apathetic
people I had ever met.

It's why I hired them.

Then you betrayed me
and turned them into

efficient and caring
government employees.

This office can indeed
function without you.

And, soon, it'll have to.

Was that a death threat?

We both know you're not
going to be here forever.

This is a way station, on the
road to bigger and better things.

Whenever you do move on, it
should please you to know that,

God help me, you've built a
well-functioning government agency.

Oh, that reminds me. I know you don't
open your mail, but I do, and...

Because you created Tom's
position, Business Liaison,

and it's already
financially paying off,

you have received Pawnee's
Government Employee of the Month.

I mean, it has taken...

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