All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E06 - Filibuster (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Are you getting ready for your nightly
Skype date with Andy in London?

You look lovely. I'm going to
murder you a thousand times.

Okay.

What the hell?

Someone's
back from London

No, it's not the Queen

Someone's back from London
It's not Mr. Bean

It's not the royal baby
I think his name is Jeff

Stop singing and kiss me.

Oh, my God! What are
you doing here?

I just missed you so bad, honey,

I bought myself a ticket home.

You're never going to
need that computer again.

Because I'm home for,
like, nineteen hours.

This is so sweet.
Just like the old days.

Take a hike, Jerry.

It's Larry now.

Okay. Take a hike, Larry.

Ripped By mstoll

Next order of business, Councilman
Jamm proposes Bill 949-C.

That's right, Stretch.

And looking mighty fly
in that suit, brother.

Okay.
This excellent bill

only allows someone to vote
in a Pawnee election,

for example, the upcoming
recall election,

if their ID lists
an official Pawnee address.

Really, Councilman?
Again?

The recall
election is coming up,

and Jamm keeps trying to figure
out ways to screw me over.

Last week, he tried to have
me listed on the ballot

as Leslie Buttface
Hitler the Fourth.

All you're trying to
do is disenfranchise

the people from former Eagleton,

people who will most
likely vote for me

because I saved
a lot of their jobs.

I move that we table the discussion
until after the election.

Second. Ah.
Thank you.

I'm so sorry. I just get
excited when you like me.

I put my career on the
line by saving Eagleton,

and he is trying to
rob me of their votes?

Those are my votes.
I've earned them.

I want them.
Give me those votes.

I don't have them on me.

I can't believe Jamm
tried to pull that crap.

I can.
He's a horrible monster.

But let's focus on
the more important issue.

You want to squeeze in
one more practice session?

Oh, do I.

Tonight, I am throwing Ben
his dream birthday party.

A roller skating bash
with an early '90s theme.

Ben lives for the early '90s.

The music, the fashion.
It's his favorite era.

As for the roller skating...

I have a thing for
women in skates, okay?

Everyone has a thing,
and that's mine.

As far as things go,
it's pretty innocuous.

I could be one of those dudes that
kisses mannequins or whatever.

But I like a woman in skates.

A lot.

Hey, Ann. Ann called. She
wants her ugly outfit back.

Why are you dressed
as a pilgrim?

Leslie said it was a "Come As You
Were in the Nineties" party.

I assumed it was the 1690s.

Babe, if it was the 1690s,
we'd all be mummies.

What do you think mummies are?

Skeletons?
Oh, boy.

Hey. I just came straight from
work, so I couldn't dress up.

No problem. You look "wiggity,
wiggity, wiggity, wiggity" wonderful.

Wait a minute. Pants on backwards.
Kris Kross, right?

Nice.

Uh, what happens when
you have to pee?

I actually just went. I had to pull
my pants all the way to the ground

like a toddler.

Nadia,
the super-hot doctor,

has been hanging out with
me for the last week.

She's definitely
out of my league.

Actually, we're not
even playing the same sport.

It's kind of like
she's in the NBA,

and I work in a muffler
store next to the stadium.

I can't believe
we met just before

you have to go on
your stupid vacation.

I'm doing Doctors Without Borders, man.
I'm going to Rwanda.

Exactly.
That's a stupid vacation.

Okay. Well, why don't you
win me that huge-ass bear

as a going-away present?

No problem.
I'm a skee ball master.

No way.
Why didn't you go pro?

Hmm. I don't know. I didn't
want to be a clich�.

Yet another professional
Indian skee ball player?

Right.

Now, that's
what I call shooting.

Is this a hunting game?

Yeah, it's fun.
You want to play?

Indeed, I do.

If you'd like, I could
offer you some pointers.

Hunting, Donna, is about
silence, balance, and patience.

Get ready.

Hey, you know you're supposed
to hit the deer, right?

Get it together,
Swanson.

Well, the game is absurd.

I mean, this gun is
lightweight, there's no sight,

and we are far too
close to these deer.

Would they not smell us?

I want my money back.
How do I get my quarters?

Oh, my God! You are
such a sore loser.

I am not a sore loser. It's
just that I prefer to win.

And when I don't,
I get furious. Employee!

Whoa! Watch this.

Oh-ho, that was
brilliant. Sorry.

You probably don't
know what that means.

You know how you Americans say
"cool" when something's cool?

Over in London,
we say, "That's brilliant."

Speaking of London.

You haven't told me anything about work.
Do you still love it?

Yeah, it's awesome. I'm kicking ass.
I'm like Chuck Norris.

Only instead of crushing bad guys'
skulls, I'm crushing documents.

That's great.
Yeah.

Now, be the Chuck Norris
of making out with me.

I'll karate punch
your face with my tongue.

Prove it.
"Hi-ya."

Get this. I just asked the
DJ what REM albums he has.

He's got Monster, but not
Automatic for the People.

Wow.
I know.

It's like, what is this, a mid-'90s party?
No, it's an early '90s party.

Okay, Larry,
tell us how this looks.

Ben wants to do a synchronized
couples' skate to Losing My Religion.

Hit it.

Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! I'm
sorry, but we have a problem.

His name is Jeremy Jamm.

Well, as noted
in Article Nine...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Jamm, I
thought this bill was tabled.

Yes. And I called a special
session and un-tabled it.

What is up with
the roller skates?

I was about to attend a roller skating
birthday party for my husband.

But this is more important.

Yeah, I don't care.
I'm a blades guy.

Point of order.

The Councilwoman wishes
to speak on this issue.

Will the Councilwoman yield her
time so we can vote on this sucker?

No. I will not yield.

Nor will I yield for
the rest of the evening.

A filibuster?

Are you dooking on
my chest right now?

No, gross. And yes, it's
a filibuster. Okay?

I am not willing to
let you deprive me.

She is filibustering
on roller skates?

She's going to be strapped
into those things for hours.

I know this is a dire situation.

But I swear to God, this is like
a crazy sex fantasy for me.

How goes it?
Pretty good.

Except I suck at skee ball.

Well, that's too bad. Because
if you don't win me that bear,

you're dead to me.

Understood. Hey, man. How many
tickets for that bear again?

Forty thousand.

Forty thousand?
Oh, brother.

All right, you're going to
be my lookout for a second.

All right.

Hey, is he allowed to do that?

No. Get off the ramp, dude.

Hey. You're supposed
to be my lookout.

I thought it would be funnier
to watch you get busted.

Hey, you're a doctor. You
know snitches get stitches.

I remember
the first time I voted.

I was in my bedroom,
and I was five.

I voted for Mildred,
my stuffed pig.

But my cat, Pancakes, won.
She had more funding.

Politics, right?
What are you going to do?

How long have I been talking? Three hours?
No, eight minutes. Okay.

Maybe you should
yield the floor.

Milton doesn't have a lot
of time left on Earth.

Hey, just kidding, bud.

Will someone open my crackers?

The session ends at 11:00 p.m.
She has to talk the whole time.

She can't lean on
anything for support,

and no one else can help her.

Three strikes and she is done.

This is literally the most exciting
thing that I have ever seen.

I mean, think about it.
Where else on earth

would you rather spend
your birthday with Leslie?

Well, maybe the birthday party

she's throwing for me right now.

Everyone in Pawnee should
have the right to vote. Whoa!

Uh, as I dissect this important
and profound statement,

I'm just going to take
these off for a second.

Bam. Strike one.
No sitting.

Is the gong really necessary?

Yes, it is.
I love Chinese crap.

Lucy Liu, Nintendo, Gangnam Style,
sushi, et cetera, et cetera.

Also, more importantly, it's in the rules.
No sitting.

Okay, fine. Well, a strike is
worth it if I can take these off.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God! I had this
exact bear when I was a kid.

Excuse me.
Huh?

How much does this bear cost?

Forty thousand tickets.

Okay, well, let's just assume

that I'm an adult who doesn't have
two weeks to play arcade games.

What about, um, fifty bucks?

Yeah. Just don't
tell my boss.

What are you doing, Morris?
Nothing, Mr. Bonderman.

Tuck in your shirt. God.
Sorry.

Oh. You feeling it?

Wow, you suck at this.

Donna, please back up two paces

so I can physically
destroy this machine.

Can you chill a little, man?

It's not real hunting. It's just a game.
That you happen to suck at.

You know what?
That's a good point.

What?
That you suck at this?

That it's not real hunting.
Come with me.

I don't want you to go back to London.
Just remember.

Every time you look up at the moon,
I too, will be looking at a moon.

Not the same moon, obviously.
That's impossible.

See you on stupid Skype.

I'm proud of Andy.

This is the first time he's
really gone out on a limb.

I knew if he found something that he
actually liked doing, he'd be happy.

So, I'm...

What the hell. What.

Hey! Perkins! What are
you doing with my bear?

I've been playing skee ball for two
hours, trying to win that for Nadia.

I just bought it
for fifty bucks.

When I was a kid, I taught myself
how to make out on this bear.

I pretended it was Cockroach
from The Cosby Show.

Hey. What's going on here?

Why does Blossom have my bear?

I bought it for myself.

But apparently, he was trying to
win it for you. So, I'm sorry.

I still have some
tickets, though.

I can get you a Ninja Turtle
balloon, or Cliffhanger on VHS.

Aw. That's so sweet, but you're
basically offering me garbage.

Let's just skate.

That bear was the only
thing she was gonna

have to remember
me by in Rwanda.

And if I know anything about Rwanda...
And I don't.

I bet it's full of rich guys who
will buy her whatever she wants.

Hunting.
No quarters required.

Hang on.

Do you have a license
to hunt at night?

Because you need a license.

I thought you were serious.

Come on, now. You know I
don't give a.

As Ronald Reagan would say,

"Well, Mommy, I believe
voting rights are important."

Does anyone else
think it's hot in here?

These overalls
are really starchy.

Oh, yeah, maybe that's because I
turned up the heat to 90 and,

oh, the knob broke
off in my hand.

Oops.

Well, speaking of heat,

we should discuss America's white
hot passion for voting rights,

and the men and women
who help protect them.

Like the local city
councilwoman, who is starving

and thinking about her husband's

Reservoir Dogs
themed birthday cake

and wanting to
eat it really badly.

Oh, this is not a good sign.

Once she starts thinking
about birthday cake,

she's basically useless
until she eats birthday cake.

Democracy is not unlike a cake.

It's layered, delicious,
chocolate, and I want some.

Okay, she's fading, Ben.

We need to find a way to smuggle

some mineral oil drops
onto her tongue.

Oh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Excuse me. What the hell
are you people doing here?

We represent the citizens
of former Eagleton.

We're here to
support Leslie Knope

for preserving
our voting rights.

Thank you. You are all
warriors of democracy.

You know, it was the first mayor
of Pawnee in 1817 who said,

"All we have is
the right to vote.

"And the right to kill
Indians without consequence."

And I believe that half of that
statement is still true today.

All right! Second wind.

Andy, I know you're in there.

Andy, come on.

Oh. Hey.

I was just here in this
dumpster, because I jumped in.

Get out.
We need to talk.

About what?

Fresh air. Real weapons.
An honest kill.

There is no substitute
for the real thing.

You want to go back and play
that video game, don't you?

Yes. Damn it.

It is so inspiring to see Eagletonians
putting aside their prejudices.

With support like this,
Leslie Knope

may stand a fighting
chance on recall day.

Permission to hug you?
Granted.

I should mention, though, that
we're not voting to keep Leslie.

What? We want someone
from Eagleton

to represent our interests
on the new City Council.

Sir, I formally revoke our hug.

Well, you can't.
It happened.

We stand on the side of Rosa Parks.
And Gandhi. And Team Aniston.

One small vote for Pawnee is one
giant leap of voting for mankind.

Hey. Hey, you're not allowed to
receive help from the crowd.

That's strike two.

Hey, man. Leave my gong alone.
The reverb is the best part.

If I save your right to vote,

you're going to vote
for someone from Eagleton?

Eagleton! Eagleton!

Hey, Knope, wrap it up.

I'm not going to yield.
I just...

I need some time to think.

And because I must keep talking,

I'm going to think
out loud. Okay.

If Eagletonians
vote for someone else,

then it would be in my best
interest to stop, right?

So they can't vote.

Uh, duh-doy!

Yield.
Or I keep going.

Because the right to vote is
fundamental in any democracy.

And this is bigger than me or anyone.
I don't care if I lose.

No one prevents people
in my town from voting.

Not on my watch.

The filibuster is on.

I can't go back to London. I'm totally
in over my head on this project.

Every day, someone comes
up to me and says,

"I need your approval
on this, Mr. Dwyer.

"I need your
signature, Mr. Dwyer.

"That's not a toilet,
Mr. Dwyer."

But you said everything
was going awesome.

You said you were
like Chuck Norris.

I am. But I'm like
Chuck Norris now.

Some old guy with a beard who
used to be good at karate,

but became a dumb has-been,

and is scared and confused
about his big London job.

Okay.
The parallels

between he and I are very eerie.

I'm going to tell you a secret
about everyone else's job.

Okay.

No one knows what they're doing.

I don't know how to run an
Animal Control department.

Half the documents I get,
I put right into the shredder

because they're so boring.

But you seem like you do
know what you're doing.

Yeah, I seem like it.

Deep down, everyone is just faking
it until they figure it out.

And you will, too.

Because you are awesome
and everyone else sucks.

Thirty minutes to go.

Oh, God! It's so hot.

Almost as hot as the flames

that Eagleton would've gone down
in if I had not saved them.

Mmm-mmm-mmm!

How I know you would love
an ice-cold frozen marg.

All I want is
the promise of democracy.

You sure about that?

I want that marg.
I know you do.

I want that margarita. Oh,
it's going to be so good.

So cold. So cold.

I want to drink it.

Make that heat go away.

Come on, get.

Come on, girl. Get.

You give
me that margarita.

No. I want votes.

Excuse me, worker.

Bring me a bucket of beers and four
hot dogs, please and thank you.

Why are you covered in blood?

Don't worry.
It's not human.

I hope you've made peace with
your God, small electronic deer.

Get it.

Ann, I need that bear.

I've got to give
Nadia something awesome

so she'll remember me
when she's in Africa.

Tom, bear or no bear,
she clearly likes you.

Actually, how do you even get girls
like her or me to go out with you?

Scientists say the emotions of love and
hate are very close to each other.

That's what I tell women.

Point is, she's leaving
in two days.

You want her to remember you?

Go spend time with her and do
something memorable, dummy.

Thanks, Ann.

I know conversations like
this are hard for you

because you still
have feelings for me.

But you'll land
on your feet, kid.

Run or I punch you.
No punchies!

Okay.
Bye for real this time.

Wait, wait, wait.

I made you five
bologna sandwiches in case

you get hungry on
the way to the airport.

Did you... Yes, I used
cookies instead of bread.

You think of everything.
I love you.

Love you, too.

Are you kidding me?

Andy.
Ha-ha! Found it.

I got it. I left my wallet
in here earlier, I guess.

Whoo! All good now.

Ooh! Look, noodles!

No, no, no. Babe.
Babe. Don't touch those.

I've read the entire charter.

There's no other way
to get her a bathroom break.

Unless we bring the bathroom to her.
That's nothing.

No, I mean, she's not going to make it.
Look at her.

She's dancing around
like she's a character

in one of those
Peanuts cartoons.

Okay.
In these last few minutes,

I would like to talk about The
Voting Rights Act of 1965.

While clenching every muscle in my body.
Sound good?

Hey, Knope,
how you feeling over there?

You need to go pee-pee? Pee-pee times?
Make wee-wee?

Five more seconds.

Four! Three! Two! One!

This session is adjourned.

All pending matters are tabled.

Yes!

You were amazing.
I love you, but move.

I have to go to the whizz palace.
Oh, wait.

My beautiful curls!

She didn't have time to hug
me, but she could do that?

Hey, Ann. Can I talk to you
for a second about Tom?

Sure. You guys look
like you're having fun.

Yeah, no, I really like him.

Uh, I just wanted to say that
I think you're really cool.

And the fact that Tom dated you

makes me think he's
a really good guy.

That's so sweet.
Oh. Okay.

What the hell?
Now!

Sorry, Ann.
This is on you.

You told us to make a memory.

- There's your money back.
- Let go!

Suck it!

This is eight dollars.

Man, that was so much fun.
Yeah.

Together, we truly did steal a
toy from your pregnant friend.

Hey, can I ask you something?

I know we just met, like,
two weeks ago and whatever.

But is there any chance, maybe
when you get back, we can maybe...

Ugh! Clingy.

Oh, no. Sorry.
No, no, no.

I'm kidding.

Of course I'll call you
when I come back. Really?

Yeah.

So long, suckers!

What?

Ugh.
Quick!

Oh.

Come on, come on, come on.

Now, that's
what I call shooting.

That's a new record.

Hey, look at that.

You finally made
it into the top ten.

Now, you can
enter your initials.

My initials are private.

Well, then, just put
in any three letters.

Oh, my God.
That was epic.

I was peeing so freaking hard,
it was like a Jacuzzi jet or...

Hi, Leslie.
Hey. Ingrid.

I wasn't talking about
the velocity of my pee.

Because you are a very
smart and classy lady.

Ben, you remember Ingrid De
Forest from the former Eagleton.

Yeah. She was just
telling me she's been

nominated to run
against you in the recall.

Wow. Buzzkill.

I know you must hate me right now, Leslie.
And that's justified.

But I need to thank you for
what you just did in there.

Not that forceful urination.
The filibuster.

Right. Yeah.

It was incredibly courageous
and it was selfless.

And if I do win,
I'm going to have

very big roller skates to fill.

Could I take you out
for a celebratory plate of,

I think you call them waffles?

Wow. That is the best
offer you could ever make.

But I had to miss my husband's
birthday party for this,

so I think I'll be spending
the evening with him.

A rain check, maybe.
Please.

I'm sorry your birthday party
got all screwed up.

Maybe I should put
those roller skates back on.

Well, you must be exhausted.

We don't have to
go to the party.

Oh, we're not going
to the party.

We're going home.

Then, why would you need
to put on roller skates?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. We're just...
Just. Skates.

Ripped By mstoll