All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S05E13 - Emergency Response (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

So, I hope I have not overloaded
you with my 35-point presentation

on Pawnee Commons,

but I think if I could sum
up this project in one word,

it would be "Dynamite."

"Dynamite" stands for daring,
youth-friendly,

"natural, amazing,
merry, inviting,

"tourist attraction-y,
and eco-friendly."

Thank you, Councilwoman Knope.
Very, very thorough

and so many acronyms.

I know.

DEXHART: Councilman Jamm?
JAMM: Thank you, Bill.

No, please,
everyone be seated.

Let the record show
there was a standing ovation.

No, there wasn't.
There was not.

History will decide.

My plan for Lot 48 is simple.

But why read it when you can
shove it right in your face?

I want to sell this lot to Paunch Burger.
Here's why.

We make money.
They make money.

They make burgers. We eat burgers.
Mmm-hmm.

That's a win-win-win-win.
Presentation over. Jamm out.

COUNCILMAN: Oh, man.

Are there curly fries?
I love their curly fries.

Ann.

Well, the planning commission
has a week to decide

if they want a beautiful,
innovative community park

or a bunch of
greasy lard bombs.

I'm not editorializing.

Paunch Burger's number-one-selling
burger is the Greasy Lard Bomb.

Just give me a hint as to which
way you guys are leaning.

Off the record?
We're leaning towards Jamm.

Why? You know my plan
is better for the community.

Oh, it's way better,
but you're also short $50,000.

We can't approve
an underfunded project.

Hey, get the rest of the
money, you get your park.

You only have a week.

Just a couple of questions for the registry.
Wedding date, May 16th.

How many guests
are we inviting?

Uh, about 100.
25,000.

We're having
a little bit of a dispute.

I want to invite
everyone in the town

and every sitting
member of Congress,

and Ben's being
a little stubborn about it.

Just 100.

What are we going to do, guys? How
are we going to get that money?

Hey, come on.
Cheer up, little pups.

Registering for your wedding is the
most important moment of your lives.

Love... Love fades away.
But things?

Things are forever.

That's beautiful.
Did the Dalai Lama say that?

Ooh! A citrus reamer!

Ah! This is the only
way to ream citrus.

You're gonna
need two of these.

I don't want a citrus reamer. I
don't want any of this stuff.

Look, all I want is to be married
to you and to somehow get $50,000.

Hey, hang on.

What if we register for the
park instead of the stuff?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ben,
it's not stuff. It's things.

Don't listen to him, things.
You're wonderful, and I love you.

Okay, this is a good idea.
Explain. Okay.

We could organize a black-tie
gala with food and music

and maybe a silent
auction to raise money.

Yeah, and people could donate, or
they could bid to put their names

on everything in the park,
like benches, cobblestones,

trees, ants, air.

Right, some of that
is possible.

You are a genius.
Let's go. Okay.

Hey,guys.

I'm really feeling
these sheets, very cozy.

I just want to say thank you for
all your hard work this week.

Give yourselves a hand.
Hey!

But your
applause is premature.

You just told us to applaud.

Well, if I told you to jump off
a bridge, would you do it?

I hope so,
because the only way

that this gala
is going to happen

is if you do everything I say.

Tom, I need you to contact three
more food vendors on this list,

and they need to
do it for free.

I'm omelet. Get it?
"I'm on it," "I'm omelet"?

I get it, and I love it, but I don't
have time for food puns right now.

Okay, I'm heading out.
Good-pie.

(LAUGHS) Go.

"Gurt." Gogurt.
I'm incredible.

See you, guys.
Okay. Donna, Jerry...

(SIREN WAILING)
CHRIS: Leslie!

Leslie, we need you back at
the command center right now!

We have a Class One
city emergency.

Oh, my God. Gayle. My girls!

What's the emergency?

Oh, this is just a drill,

but I am having so much fun
pretending it's real.

Are you kidding me?

The Disaster Preparedness
people picked today?

LESLIE: Each year every city
in Indiana is reviewed

by the Department
of Emergency Preparedness.

And Pawnee has
failed 12 years in a row.

On last year's report,
they stated,

"Every time it so much
as drizzles in Pawnee,

"the town is in
danger of collapsing

"into Thunderdome-style,
post-apocalyptic mayhem."

BEN: Okay, we don't know how
long Leslie's going to be gone,

so let's just knock
some of this stuff off.

Should someone stop Jerry?

Gayle!

Meh. He'll figure
it out eventually.

ANDY: First, we do
the written exam,

and then we do
the personality evaluation,

which I feel like I'm gonna
nail, 'cause people always say,

"But he's got
a great personality."

Okay, quiz me.

Okay, what does it mean when
an officer calls in a 35-42?

Assault and battery.
The way I remember that,

I picture 35 salt
shakers and 42 batteries.

Great. What is
the criminal code for arson?

Arson is 533.

You know how
I remember that?

I picture 533 salt shakers and
batteries lighting a building on fire.

Oh! I'm nervous.

Babe, look at me.

You are going to
pass this test,

and you are going
to become a cop.

And if you don't,
I'll just divorce you

and marry someone else and then
cheat on them with you. (CHUCKLING)

(KISSES)
That's so sweet.

Also, I got you
a lucky charm.

I found a dead rabbit
on the side of the road,

and I cut its feet off and
made it into a lucky charm.

Baby, you are so creepy.

Thank you. I love it.

MAN: Dwyer, you're up.

My name is Leonard Tchulm.

I'm head of the Indiana Department
of Emergency Preparedness.

And today I'm going to bring death
and destruction to your town.

I am Leslie Knope. lam the
Pawnee Emergency Czar.

And this year, we are more
than prepared for your test,

but, um, it just so happens,
today is a little inconvenient.

Good, because
the best day for a drill

is when it's
inconvenient for everyone.

My mother is getting
a colonoscopy today.

I'm not even sure there's
anyone there to drive her home,

so we're all making
sacrifices, Ms. Knope.

Well, I'm very sorry
to hear about your mother.

Mmm. We're not that close.

Oh, good.

Okay, volunteer victims,

please put your
identification placards on now

and go to your designated
areas throughout town.

First Responders, return to your
stations, and the simulation begins...

Went past the zero.

I got to wait till it goes...

Okay, now.

All right,
Officers, bolt the doors.

We are officially
in lockdown mode.

The doors will not open

until Leonard announces
that this drill is complete.

The most important event that I have
ever organized in my entire life

is happening in eight hours,
and I am stuck in this room.

This is a nightmare.

Wait. Maybe this
is a nightmare.

(SIGHS) Nope, can't fly away.
This is real life.

LEONARD: I'm now going to open one
of these 10 envelopes at random

to determine your
simulated disaster.

Pawnee has been hit by

a strain of avian flu.

Yes! Avian flu! Jackpot.
This is a simple one, guys.

Everybody open
their binders, okay?

"The Knope Protocol"?
Correction.

That's "Mission Im-Pawnee-ble:
Knope Protocol."

LESLIE: Now, if everyone just
follows my instructions,

we will ace this test, and we
will be done in 90 minutes.

"Step one,
insert the DVD scenario."

Hmm. What could
be on this?

Good evening,
this is Channel 4 lead anchor

Willow Tremaine,
with breaking news.

Avian flu has just
hit the town of Pawnee.

We go live now to St. Joseph's
Medical Center for an update.

Hello, my name is
Donatella Breckinridge, M.D.

graduated first in my class
from Harvard Medical School,

so I know what
I'm talking about.

This is the avian flu,
or we call "H5N1."

And it presents
itself in a number of ways.

Fever, muscle ache,
fatigue, diarrhea...

Sorry, did you make a DVD
for every disaster?

Mmm. You should have seen
my makeup for Ebola.

Anyway, let's listen to what the
smart and sexy doctor has to say.

H' you or someone you know believes
you have avian flu, call this number.

I'm a doctor and I
can take care of you.

Donna, are we on schedule
for the tent setup?

The tables showed up,
which is good,

but there are no chairs,
which is bad.

Okay, well, get some
chairs from somewhere.

Great leadership, inspiring.

Oh, God. Leslie was gonna go on
Pawnee Today to promote the gala.

I'll do it.

No offense, Ron, but I don't
think you'd be great on TV.

I can speak in full
sentences and I won't cry.

Fair point. I did cry
last time. Godspeed.

I aced it. I got everything right.
I know I did.

I didn't fall asleep once.

Hey, that's awesome.

I'm so proud of you. I know. I
constantly surprise myself.

All I got to do now
is a personality evaluation,

then we can go to help Leslie.
Mmm-hmm.

Look, I got done early.
This is a gift for you.

Devil horns made out of bubblegum
and I wrote 666 on the side.

Satan bunny. I love it.

Let's hide it before the
personality evaluation. Okay?

(CLEARS THROAT)
That's a good call.

Mmm! Smells amazing, Chef.
What you cooking?

Little coq au vin?
Little Bouillabaisse?

You can stop the ass-kissing,
Haverford.

I know why you're here.
I cannot do the gala.

It doesn't make business sense to
cater something that big for free.

Please. If the gala
doesn't go perfectly,

that lot could
become a Paunch Burger.

Doesn't that offend your refined
Parisian sensibilities?

I'm from Orlando. And I don't
care about the Paunch Burger.

If it was another French
restaurant, maybe I'd worry.

Hey! Well, you know what?

What?

What? What you got for me?
Get out of my kitchen!

Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
Pardon! Pardon!

Hey, can you hear me?

Oh! Leslie, you on the TV!

Well, you're on mine, Brett.
We're having a video conference.

Oh, okay.

Pawnee has been hit
with the avian flu.

Tight.
No, this is bad news.

I need everyone
there at Animal Control

to eradicate all
the infected birds in town.

"Kill all birds."

This is for the drill, right?
Yes.

But I'm actually gonna kill
these birds for real?

No. No, just pretend.

Right.

So how do I kill them,
like, with a gun?

No.

I could fill up a bathtub and
just drown them one at a time.

Okay, let's forget
we ever talked.

Got it. Kill them.

Oh, my God. Horrified.

Councilman Jamm,
can you please contact

the CDC and give
them an update?

Chris, can you
contact the police chief

and let him know
what's going on?

And, Health Director Ann Perkins,
how are we doing on snacks?

I got breakfast bars.
Oh, my God!

A meal inside a bar. Thank you.
You are so good at this.

Okay, casualty update,
only four dead,

two of whom were already
gravely ill and brothers.

That family took a terrible hit.
Well, that's great news.

The infection is contained, bird
population's under control.

I believe that we have
stopped this outbreak.

(CHEERING)

Not so fast.
I regret to inform you

that someone in this room
has begun exhibiting symptoms.

Christopher Traeger.
What?

CHRIS: A few months ago, the
thought of an infectious disease,

even hypothetical, would have sent
me careening towards Bummerville.

But now I am infected
with a killer virus,

and I feel fine.

Therapy!

This is highly irregular. We have
followed protocol to the letter.

No, you did not.

Unfortunately, no one contacted
the Transit Department

to shut down bus service.

So, you rode a bus
with a contagious man,

and he infected
you and 39 others.

That is impossible.
I do not ride the bus.

I ride my bicycle behind
the bus as a windbreak.

Doesn't matter.
Prepare for the diarrhea.

Okay, who was supposed
to deal with Transit?

My bad, guys. That's my bad.
Chris, very sorry.

LESLIE: Damn it, Jamm.

I should've had
animal control kill you.

Who you want me to kill?
No one.

I'll kill him.

As soon as I'm
done with these birds.

RON: Hello.

I'm here for the interview
about tonight's gala.

Yeah, listen, I'm
a little under the weather.

I went on a booze
cruise last week.

It just finished
up an hour ago.

On a completely unrelated note,
I have horrible allergies.

I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah.

But I do need to
promote this event.

Don't worry about me.
I'm a true professional.

The show must go on.
MAN: In five, four, three,

two...

Hello.
I'm Joan Callamezzo.

Today's show
will not go on.

It seems like her
allergies are kicking in.

Talk. Talk.

Me?
You. You, talk.

My name is Ron Swanson.

lam hereto tell you

about a black-tie
gala fundraiser

for Pawnee Commons
happening tonight.

All proceeds will go
toward building a park.

It will be enjoyable.

That's really all I had to say,
so perhaps I should leave.

No, no, no, no. No, stay.

Take a... Take a phone call.

Now I will take
your calls, apparently.

Yes?

WOMAN: Hey, Joan,
settle a bet for me.

Who's the sexiest
couple in history?

R-Patz and K-Stew,
or Bieber...

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Hey, how's it going?

Uh, well, this simulated
disaster is a total disaster.

How are you?

Ron subbed for
you on Pawnee Today.

Ron who? Ron Swanson?
On television?

You know we want
people to come, right?

Donna still can't find any chairs.
We don't know where Jerry is.

And now some
firemen are using

the lot as a triage center
for the emergency drill.

Okay, here's what you do.
Listen to me...

LEONARD: Attention.
Panic from the outbreak

has overloaded
cell phone towers.

Please deposit your
phones into this box.

Oh, my God,
this drill will never end.

Okay, tell the firefighters...
All phones.

...to set up triage
at the high school.

All phones.
And then to...

But I'm talking to someone important.
All phones.

Let me tell him something important.
Fix it, Ben! Fix it!

Okay.

What?

I found one chair,
got a lead on a second.

Keep me posted.

So this test will determine

whether you have the right personality
profile to be a police officer.

Just to make sure the machine
is working, is your name Andy?

I don't know how
to answer that.

A simple "yes" or "no."

Well, everyone calls me Andy,

but my full name is Andrew,
I think, so...

No?

Wait. Yes.

Let's move on.

Scenario,
a high-school-aged child

asks to hold your
service revolver.

What do you do?
Yes, I give it to him.

When I was a kid, I always
wanted to hold a cop's gun.

To make that dream come
true for another kid...

Well, that's what
being a cop is all about.

Scenario, you pull
a car over for speeding.

You find out that
it's your father.

How do you
handle the situation?

Well, first,
I would be like,

"Dad...

"You're alive?
What the hell?

"I have so much I
want to say to you.

"I love you.
I've missed you every day.

"I wish you could
meet my wife, April.

"Also, do you know
where my catcher's mitt is?"

Shouldn't you be taking her
to lie down somewhere?

Oh, no. If she ever found out
that we took her off camera,

we'd all be fired.

So just keep taking phone calls.
You're doing great.

MAN: Three, two...

Hello, again.

I'm Ron Swanson, and I am
still taking your calls,

hopefully,
about tonight's gala.

You're on the air.

MAN: Hi, what's
wrong with Joan?

She has a bad hangover, which
she is pretending is allergies.

Is she gonna be okay?

Wouldn't know.
Never been hungover.

After I've had
too much whiskey,

I cook myself
a large flank steak,

pan-fried in salted butter.

I eat that, put on a pair of
wet socks, and go to sleep.

That works?
It does.

Please call now if you have
questions about tonight's gala

or one of
my other interests,

woodworking, uh,
novels about tall ships,

meat, that sort of thing.

CHRIS: I'm afraid I have
some very bad news.

"I, Chris Traeger, after several
sustained hours of diarrhea,

"combined with violent coughing
and a devastating fever,

"followed by
even more diarrhea,

"have succumbed
to the avian flu."

I'm dead.

I got to say, Leonard,
it kind of feels like

you're putting us
through the ringer here.

Can you give us an idea
how long this is gonna take?

Uh...

Probably six to
eight more hours.

Eight more hours?
Nine.

Are all state emergency
drills this intensive?

Oh, no, hardly ever.
Councilman Jamm requested it.

Oh, really?

LEONARD: Specifically asked
that the drill be done today

and said I should give you
everything I got. Mmm-hmm.

Guys! Come here.
The game is rigged.

Jamm invited Leonard here,

and he screwed up the bus thing
on purpose to slow us down.

It is with a heavy heart that
I say, "We have been Jammed."

God, that guy is the worst!

Look, we are stuck in this
room until the drill is over.

What are we gonna do?

The only thing we can do.

In order to save our park,

we have to
destroy the entire town.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are making
some changes to the Knope Protocol.

Ann, how much flu vaccine
does the hospital still have?

Enough for 2,000 people.

Great. Why don't you tell
the hospital director

to flush them down the toilet.
You got it.

LESLIE: Chief Fugleberg, I want
you to order your officers

to find all the infected birds
in the area and perform CPR.

Sorry. Won't they
become infected?

That's a risk we're
gonna have to take.

Our top priority is
now saving all the birds.

You know what? Let's send the
emergency responders home.

They've had a long day.
That's a great idea.

And you know what? Why don't
we just kick this up a notch?

Oh, no!
Pawnee has been hit with

a tornado quake!

Hey, what's up, dudes?

Is this the hero
tent over here?

Must be,
'cause you guys are here.

Oh, also, Backdraft.

Really holds up.
It's a great flick.

We are running
a drill here, man.

And we don't like Backdraft.

The arsonist is a fireman.
That is not cool.

Okay. Hey, do you
think you could

move this all over
to the high school?

We're throwing
a big gala here tonight,

and the motif we're going for doesn't
involve, you know, like, corpses.

Listen, cowboy, we're not
going anywhere, so shut up.

Why don't you turn around
and get the hell out of here

before things get a little...
Hey!

Wow. Hey.

What are you doing?
DONNA: Hello, Gregory.

Hey, D. What's up?

What's up is you're going to
listen to my little friend here,

and you're going to take
your business elsewhere.

Definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.

Hey, when this drill's over, maybe
I could go to this motif thing.

We could hang out.

Hey, guys.
Pack it up. We're leaving.

Wait. Hang on.

I have an idea.

This is You're On With Ron.

You've got problems, I've got
practical solutions. Talk to me.

Go ahead, caller.

Hi, My Yorkshire Terrier has chewed
up the legs on my kitchen table.

ls there a cheap
way to repair that?

Great question.

Take a walnut and rub it into
the legs of your table.

That'll mask the scratches.

Next thing you want to do is ditch the
Terrier and get yourself a proper dog.

Any dog under 50 pounds is a
cat, and cats are pointless.

Come to the gala.
Next caller.

Grapes of Wrath, chocolate-chip
ice cream, and Johnny Cash.

Don't trust big banks
or small banks.

Banks are Ponzi schemes
run by morons.

Your house isn't haunted.
You're lonely.

Whatever happened to,
"Hey, I have some apples.

"Would you like to buy them?"
"Yes, thank you."

That's as complicated
as it should be

to open a business
in this country.

Replacing the chain on your chainsaw
is child's play. Literally.

Grab your son or daughter and
I'll walk them through it.

(WAILING)

Start by removing the two
nuts on the side cover

holding the guide
bar on the saw.

(SCOFFS) Johnny Unitas.
Don't be an idiot.

You should be allowed to brew whatever
you want in your own bathtub.

Hello. Is it cold outside?
I'm all snuggled up

and I do not want
to get out of bed.

I refuse to help you.
Next caller.

I've seen three
movies in my life,

Bridge on the River Kwai, Patton,
and Herbie Fully Loaded.

My girlfriend's kids love it.

It's pretty funny.

Next caller.

Good morning.

MAN: Hi. My wife asked me if the
dress she has on makes her look fat.

What do I say? She's waiting on
an answer in the other room.

In my experience, when a woman
asks a question like that,

she's feeling insecure
for some other reason.

Maybe you shouldn't
say anything to her,

and just put your hand
on the side of her face,

tell her that you love her

and that she is the greatest
woman you've ever met.

Also, in my opinion,
most women

in this world are
vastly too skinny.

Thanks.
You're the best, Joanie.

Flash flood in Pawnee.
Major damage.

Oh, no.
Lots of casualties.

Including Councilman Jamm.

What? No, no,
you can't do that.

It says right there, you're dead,
so is everyone you care about.

Oh, well, joke's on you. I don't
have anyone I care about.

And... It is a wrap.

Everyone in Pawnee is dead.

Ms. Knope, I'm afraid

I have to once again
give Pawnee a failing grade.

This was bad. Fort Wayne bad.

Bummer. Thank you for your time.
I think we're done here.

I will see everyone at the gala,
and I will see you in hell.

Yeah, you're too late, Knope.
That lot is mine.

I can't hear you.
I'm a ghost.

Yeah, well, so am I, so you can hear me!
Ghost Jammed!

We got all the way to Muncie before
we realized that it was just a drill.

I mean, all I'm saying
is you could've called.

No one had your
cell number, Big J.

I find that hard to believe.

Oh, my God, why is
everyone standing around?

We have work to do.
Status report.

Status report!
Well...

Nope, we don't
have time for that.

We're gonna have to
postpone the gala,

but we can't, because
the deadline is tomorrow.

Oh, my God, I destroyed
the entire town for nothing.

Leslie, it's okay.

LESLIE: Oh, my God.
You did all this?

How did you get food?

I had a classic stroke
of Haverford genius.

Who has the most to lose
from a new Paunch Burger?

Their competitors.

I got all the other fast food
places in town to donate food.

I know black tie and chicky tenders
isn't the best mix, but...

No, Tom, I love it.

And more importantly, so will
all of our more ample citizens.

How did you get
the word out?

Well, Ron went on Joan's show
and kicked ass.

I also helped a child perform a
tracheotomy on his elderly uncle.

It's been
a very rewarding day.

Also, I told the firemen they
should use the lot as triage

and then gave them and all
of the dead and wounded

two free drink tickets.
LESLIE: Wow.

This is great.
Thank you so much.

Let's start the gala.

And thanks for
dressing up, Jerry.

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Hello, Chief Fugleberg.
Hey.

That's your buddy Andy Dwyer
over there, isn't it?

Such a shame.

Oh, no.

Did he fail his test?
It's weird.

He got 100% on his written test,
first guy in history to do it.

But he failed his
personality examination.

He's a sweet kid. Just doesn't
have what it takes to be a cop.

Oh, Andy.

Too bad. He's certainly
something of a genius.

We could use his
brains on the force.

Official police wrist lock. You can't hit me.
Try to hit me.

Or here, no, try...
It's this hand.

Wrist lock. Boom, too much
pain, you can't even hit me.

Try to hit me.

If I had my gun,
you wouldn't try

to hit me, though,
is the thing.

Hey, buddy. Hi, you two.

Andy, do you have a second?
Yeah. Totally.

Oh, hey, by the way, I feel like I
did pretty good on my test today.

I want to thank you
for all your help.

It's my pleasure.

The first international crime ring I
bust up, I'm gonna dedicate it to you.

That would mean a lot.
(CHUCKLES)

Did you want to
ask me something?

You know what? It can wait.

You guys have a great night.

You, too, citizen.

(LAUGHS)

Can we do that thing
where I hit you again?

LESLIE: If I could have
everyone's attention, please?

I am so happy to announce
that as of one minute ago,

we have reached
our fundraising goal.

(CHEERING)

Every dollar spent here tonight
by you, the community,

will be poured right back
into this wonderful project.

And speaking of community,

I'd like to thank my
community, my friends.

It's a lesson that I have
learned over and over again,

but it bears repeating.

No one achieves
anything alone.

Without further ado,
the best band in Pawnee,

Mouse Rat.
(CHEERING)

Park

We will build it, the park

It's not built yet, the park

Soon there will be a park

Park

Might not be safe after dark

There could be
dangerous sharks

You should probably
learn martial arts

I thought you should see
why Leslie tanked the drill.

Councilman Jamm
used you as a stalling tactic,

hoping it would kill
Leslie's park project.

If the test were any other day,
Leslie would have aced it.

I believe you.

Maybe I'll find my way back
here in a month for a re-do.

I appreciate it.

Have you ever thought
of being a sperm donor?

I'm impotent. Yeah, I
don't need to know that.

This is the best wedding present ever.
This is the best night ever.

I wish we were
getting married tonight.

Well, we only have
three more months.

I can't wait
three more months.

God, I just hate the feeling
of not being married to you.

Well...

Let's just do it, then.

Let's get married.
Here, tonight.

I mean,
we're all in black tie.

We've got plenty of
food and entertainment.

And you did want to invite the
whole town to the wedding, right?

Leslie...

Let's get married. Tonight.

Breaking news.
I've just been handed this.

Pawnee has been hit
by a devastating earthquake.

We go to our reporter, live,

Winnifred Makepiece, for the story.
Winnifred?

Thanks, Jessica. I'm here at
the Pawnee Weather Center

with celebrated geologist
Isabella Winchester.

Isabella, can you tell us more
about this killer earthquake?

That's right, Winnifred,

the earthquake registered
an 8.5 on the Richter scale.

That's correct.
It was a large one.

Let's check in now
with local citizen

Ann Perkins to see
how she's doing. Ann?

Thanks, Isabella.
I'm Ann Perkins.

I'm a nurse, I'm a public health
official and I'm a super fox knockout.

In fact, a lot of
people say the earthquake

was caused by my
riveting sexuality.

I mean, no man can resist me.

But you should
find a sturdy shelter

and fill your bathtub
up with drinking water.

Thank you so much, everyone.

From all of us here at Channel
4 News, I'm Jessica Rabrit.

Have a good evening
and be safe out there.

(HUMMING)