All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S04E16 - Sweet Sixteen (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Morning.
Hey.

Hey, can you approve this new
design for the campaign poster?

Oh, Ann, you beautiful,
rule-breaking moth.

You know we can't talk
about my campaign in here.

Seriously? It's a
yes or no question.

When you're
running for office,

there are,
like, a million rules

of what you
can and cannot do.

Yes.

And because I work
for the government,

I am not allowed to do
anything campaign-related

inside a
government building.

Boss, I need your
Herbie Hancock on this.

Outside.

It's kind of a pain in the ass.
But it's great exercise.

But it's a
pain in the ass.

So, Perd Hapley
wants to do Thursday now.

Fine.

Did you finish
the maintenance report?

I did not finish it,
but I will finish it.

So, wait. What was your question again?
The slogan?

Okay. Can I just
come out there

so we can talk
about everything?

No. April, I need to keep
my work separate. Okay?

Just think of it
like a fun game.

Parks is inside,
campaign is outside.

Parks is inside.
Campaign is outside.

You know what would
make it more fun?

What?
Oh, my God. This.

April!

It's time, Leslie.

You have to take a leave of
absence from the department.

Ron, that is ridiculous.

We've talked about this.

No, you've talked about it.

And I've ignored it
because it is ridiculous.

Need I remind you that even
if I win the election,

I can still work at
the Parks Department.

City Council is
a part-time job.

But campaigning
is a full-time job.

Right now, you're working
50 hours a week here

and 50 hours
a week on the campaign.

Well, I have
time to spare.

I'm also volunteering at
Wheels for Meals on Wheels.

We repair vans
for Meals on Wheels.

You're a month
behind on everything.

You forgot to file the Weekly
Parks Maintenance Report.

You do it every week,
and you forgot.

Things are falling
through the cracks.

I'm pretty sure you've worn that
sweater four days in a row.

Or I own four identical
versions of the same sweater.

No, you don't.
There's an old lollipop

that's been stuck to
the back since Tuesday.

That's the style now, Ron.
It's called lollipoping.

All the kids
are doing it.

Leslie, you need to
take a sabbatical.

Okay. You know what, Ron?
I accept your apology,

I will not take a
sabbatical, as we agreed,

and we will never
discuss this again.

Sorry, Ann. You can't
open this gift.

It's for the most
beautiful girl in Pawnee.

Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up.
Wait. That's you.

Wow.

Yeah. And look,
I got one, too.

Matching his and hers.

So, I'm Tommy's Girl and you're just Tom?
Why not Ann's man?

Nobody owns me, cupcake.
Not even you.

You can either burn these hats in a
fire, or you can use a blowtorch.

How about this option?

We put the hats on...
Don't say it.

And we take
everything else off.

These Kangol hats
are exactly

like the one Samuel L. Jackson
wore to the Latin GRAMMYs.

How could she not
like them?

I don't know.

It's like, somehow, everything
I do with her is wrong.

Dude, seriously,
leave me out of this.

I kind of set up
Tom and Ann.

And now, they won't stop
asking me for advice.

Which is a really
bad move on their part.

Because I really don't care
what happens to them.

Or anyone.

Champion. Hey, bud.
I missed you.

Thank you so much.
I hope he wasn't a handful.

Not in the slightest.
As the Germans would say...

He is a wonder dog.

Oh.

The dog training course I took was
conducted entirely in German.

And so, now, I'm fluent in German.
Words relating to dogs.

April and Andy
went away for the night,

and I looked
after Champion here.

He's a mutt.
Half amazing, half terrific.

Ich bin ein three-legged dog.

Well, I took him to PetSmart.
I got him various toys,

got him shots,
got him groomed,

and gave him
plenty of exercise.

He's healthier
than ever.

Wait, did his leg
grow back?

No. No,
that's okay.

Andy, if I may...
Yes.

Dogs tend to take on the
personalities of their owners.

So, if you were to sit on your
couch all day, watching cartoons

and eating
nothing but Cheetos,

that's what he
would want to do, too.

Who wouldn't? That sounds
like an amazing day. Right?

Okay. Well, thanks.

Bye, Champion.

Morning, Leslie.

Jerry. Take that shirt off.
You look ridiculous.

Gayle gave me this shirt
yesterday as a birthday present.

Oh, my God. Jerry. I can't
believe I forgot your birthday.

Leslie, it is okay. I mean, let's face it.
It's a tough one to remember.

My birthday
is February 29th.

So, I only get one real birthday,
you know, once every four years.

But it's great,
because my wife, Gayle,

makes such a big
deal out of it.

We go and we split a huge piece
of cotton candy cheesecake

from Cakey J's
Cheesecake Facility.

And then, well, we hold hands for
awhile, we listen to some Anita Baker,

she meets up with some
friends, and I turn in early.

This is unacceptable.
Birthdays are important.

I'm so sorry
we forgot yours.

I guess it just
slipped through the cracks.

Yes, I guess it did.

Anyway. happy
birthday to Jerry.

You are a kind
and wonderful soul.

Thank you.

Also, I need you to do some fecal
contamination testing at the reservoir.

Now?
Yes.

Go get a kit
from Maintenance,

and I need you to check
the water for bird dung.

Okay. Can I at
least grab the gloves?

Jerry, what are you doing standing here?
Our water has poop in it.

Oh, my God.

Now, Jerry is
turning 64 this year.

He's only 64?

Sixty-four
divided by four is...

- Sixty-four.
- Sixteen.

So, we're going to throw him
a Sweet 16 surprise party.

It's going to be
very special.

The usual?
Cake and pop?

No, April,
the unusual.

Fish and pop.

No.
Cake and fish?

No. No fish. Jerry only gets a
real birthday every four years.

And four years from now, who knows,
he might be retired or dead.

Let's start a pool. Who wants retired?
Who wants dead?

Dead.
No.

I got one dead.
No.

Do you need
to take that?

No. The campaign can wait. Because
this is official Parks business.

Donna, can we use
your lake house?

How did you
know about that?

My family has a lake house up in the
foothills, but we keep it quiet.

We're not big
on hospitality.

The Meagles
are a cold people.

Can we use
your house?

I suppose.
Bring your own towels.

Wow, Donna.
This place is beautiful.

Yes, it is,
and it will stay that way.

These are the house rules.
No dirty shoes in the house.

Upstairs is
Meagle space only.

And if you listen closely... That
is the bubbling of the hot tub.

You do not have
access to it.

If you follow these rules,
we won't have a problem.

Oh, my God.

Is that Ginuwine?

Uh-huh.

Why do you have Ginuwine's
Platinum Record on your wall?

Why do you have a photo of you
with Ginuwine at some place?

Oh, have I never talked about this before?
Ginuwine is my cousin.

Ginuwine?

The Ginuwine
is your cousin?

How do I not know this?

Who's Ginuwine?

Ginuwine?

Ginuwine is Ginuwine.
He's Ginuwine.

Saying his name over and over
again is not going to help me.

He's an R&B singer?
Pony? Differences?

Do you really not know
who Ginuwine is?

I know that he's
Donna's cousin.

When I'm dating someone, I have
a list called my "Oh-no-no's."

lf a woman commits an Oh-no-no,
it can end the relationship.

Not loving '90s R&B music is number
three on the Oh-no-no's list.

Girl don't even know
who Ginuwine is.

Hey, boy.
How was the ride?

Hey, you want me to
show you something?

Okay.

See? It's pretty cool, huh?

Would you like me
to teach you?

Whatever. I mean,
anybody can do that.

Champion. Taxi. Foxit.

Chech-en-chess.
Ka-te-day. Toxic. Merkel.

Merkel.
What is "Merkel"?

She's the
Chancellor of Germany.

Not only more jobs,
but better jobs.

I just did a phone interview
while simultaneously decorating

this house for
Jerry's surprise party.

Totally multi-tasking.
Totally on top of all of it.

Crow for dinner tonight
Mr. Swanson?

Okay. We are locked and loaded.

Music is ready.
Slide show is prepped.

April, when does
Jerry arrive?

How would I know?

Who was supposed
to invite Jerry?

Guys, someone was supposed
to invite Jerry. It's his...

Crap. It was me.

I forgot to invite Jerry.

You need to
take a sabbatical.

I'm not taking
a sabbatical.

Is this because I
forgot to invite

Jerry to his
own birthday party?

It did seem
like an oversight.

I have a prediction, Ron.

By the end of the night,
you are going

to take a bite
of Jerry's cake.

Which, incidentally, we need
to pick up on the way home.

And you are going to say,
"Sabbatical shmabbatical.

"Leslie can do it all. She's
the best, and I'm stupid."

That does sound like me.

Hey. Here's a fun game.

Let's talk minimum acceptable
thread count for sheets.

That does sound fun.

Stop me when I hit it.

1,000.

800.

700.

600?

Ann, I'm at 600. Are you
really not stopping me?

I have those
cotton t-shirt sheets.

Huh?

It's always the most beautiful
ladies who hurt you the worst.

She's never seen a single
Paul Walker movie.

That's a huge
Oh-no-no.

She also "doesn't care"
about Blu-ray.

She's a monster.

April, this is serious.

I might have to
break up with Ann.

Yeah. Well,
then, break up with her.

But she's
my dream girl.

Then, don't break up
with her.

Except she hates
everything I like.

I own more pairs of
UGGs than she does.

I was getting kind of sick
of listening to Tom and Ann

talk about
their relationship.

But then I remembered
that alcohol existed.

Thank you, alcohol.

Jerry? Jerry?

Where the hell
can he be?

Maybe someone else
had a surprise party

and actually remembered
to invite him.

Jerry? Jerry?

- Jerry? Jerry?
- Come on in!

Oh, God.
Leslie.

Hello, Jerry.

Jerry. Why did you
call us in here?

Well, because
I thought you were Gayle.

What are you
doing in my bathroom?

Yes, Leslie. What are we
doing in Jerry's bathroom?

There is a Parks emergency that
only you can help us solve.

So, we need you to get out of the tub.
Let's get going.

Oh, God. Okay, jeez.
I've got to get dressed.

No. There's no time.

There's time, Jerry.
Get dressed.

Okay. Well,
what is the big emergency?

Did we lose more
seniors in the woods?

No. It's a sinkhole, right?

Crap on a catapult. They
screwed up my campaign signs.

Now, I've got to deal with this.

Okay. But what about
the sinkhole?

Don't worry. Leslie will deal
with this and the sinkhole.

Right, Leslie?

Yes, Ron. I will, Ron.
And I shall do it with aplomb.

What the hell is wrong with Tom?
Don't know.

It's like I'm dating some
idiotic game show host.

He is driving me crazy
with these stupid questions.

Well, soon,
it won't matter.

Why? What did
he tell you?

Nothing.

Wait. Is he going to
break up with me?

I don't know. I'm...

No,no,no. No. That's not
how this ends. Okay?

I break up with him.

I think I will celebrate
with a drink.

Quit pulling. Fine,
I'll let you off the leash.

- Andy.
- What the , dude?

Where did you come from?
I think that Champion

should stay on his leash. There's
unfamiliar terrain and strange smells.

No. Leashes are just for dogs
that bite people.

That's not true.

Chris, Champion is my dog.
Okay?

He's not
going anywhere.

Sometimes, you just have to
let a dog be a dog.

He'll be all right.

Champion!

He'll come back.

So, as you can imagine,
we would never have

ordered a sign with all this
complicated nonsense.

Because, you know,
we're not insane.

You see right here
on the order form?

It says,
"H-T-T-P-colon...

"...slash-slash-W-W-W-dot..."
I realize that.

"...knope-201
It does.

"...dot-com-slash-images,
C-M-Y..." Well...

But this isn't the...
"...K-slash-campaign..."

This isn't what...

"...slash-Q-T-Y-
1-0-0-1-2-3..."

You don't need to
read the whole thing.

"...slash-0-9-2-
3-0-0-2-3-0-9...

"...T-W-poster..."
It does say that.

"...dot-J-P-E-G."

J-PEG. Yes, Walter, it does say that.
You're right.

But using basic logic
and human intelligence,

one can surmise that this
is a link to an image.

This isn't what we wanted
printed on the signs.

Whatever's on
the order form, I print.

In this case, it was a long
string of letters and numbers.

Can I just show you something here?
There you go.

This is highly
against protocol.

Well, here. Look.

Now, that's
a good sign.

You should have
used that.

You told April you were
breaking up with me?

Ann, we consistently disagree
on who wore it best.

You still use
an iPad One.

You read books. All the time.
Okay.

How about my
Oh-no-no's for you?

You make me see
terrible movies,

and then you
talk through them.

You put 20-inch rims
on your Volkswagen Golf.

And you insist on being
introduced as the brown Gosling.

Everything you just said
makes me like me more.

I can't take it anymore. Okay? I'm
breaking you up. You guys are done.

Fine.
Fine with me.

Fine.

Oh, April.

I'm drunk. You made me drunk.
You made me drunk.

And you.

No. No.
Give it a rest.

No. I need it.
Okay.

- Fine!
- Let's get you to bed.

You know, why are you guys
even fighting anyway?

It's so stupid.

I hate Ann because
of this stupid reason.

And I hate Tom for this stupid reason.
Who cares?

You want some help?
No, I got it.

Well, we did
everything, Ron.

We got new signs, we put
them in people's yards,

we got Jerry
for the surprise...

The sinkhole emergency,
and we briefly ran out of gas.

And then, we walked to the gas
station and we got more gas.

And now, we're all good.
Yep.

You truly are attempting
to do it all.

Thank you.

We didn't get to the drugstore
for my liver medication.

Well, you should
have thought about that

before we dragged you
out of the bath, Jerry.

Yeah.

Okay, wait a second. This is
clearly not a sinkhole problem.

What's going on?

Jerry, as soon as we open this door,
everything will become clear.

- Surprise! Oh, no.
- What the!

Surprise.

Where the hell
is everybody?

Well, it got so late, we just
weren't sure you were still coming.

Everybody's either in bed
or out looking for Champion.

Oh, yeah.
Champion ran away.

Wake everybody up.
Leslie.

No. I am not going to
let this fall apart.

We are going to throw Jerry an
amazing Sweet 16 surprise party,

no matter how agonizing
it is for all of us.

That's the spirit.

Champion!
Champion!

Champion,
come here, boy!

I have an organic,
gluten free, soy bone for you!

Champion!

Chris, there's something
I have to tell you.

I ate one of your
soy bones.

Really? Yeah. It
was really good.

I was going to
give it to Champion,

but it just,
it looked so yummy.

The point is,
I'm a terrible dog owner.

And I think, if we find
Champion, you should keep him.

Andy, if it wasn't
for you and April,

Champion would still
be back at the pound.

Okay? You gave him a home.
That's amazing.

He's your dog. If you just call out
his name, he will come to you.

What... No, he won't. Because I've
been trying, and it didn't work.

I think he likes your music.
Why don't you sing to him?

Really? I don't have my guitar.
I usually... Come on.

I feel naked
without it. Okay.

Champion,
you're lost

But soon, you'll be found

I rescued you
from the pound

Something,
something, hold me

On the ground

You know, I don't...

Champion!

Champion! Hey!
Oh, buddy, you came back.

You came back.
To my voice.

Dog whistle.

- April, wake up.
- Jerry's here.

April.
April.

Hey.
Hi.

Hi.

Why is your arm around her?
I broke you up.

Well, we got back together again.
Because of what you said.

What do you mean?
I didn't say anything?

Yeah, when we were carrying you
to bed, you correctly pointed out

that we were arguing about
stuff that was stupid.

And so, we talked it out and I
apologized and he apologized.

And now,
everything is great.

Thanks.
No!

I'm drunk.
Don't listen to me. No!

See you out there.
No!

Wow! Thanks, guys. This is really...
This is really great.

Okay. I want everyone
to go around

and tell their
favorite Jerry story.

A positive one.

Who's first?

Jerry, today is your birthday, but
it's about much more than that.

It's also about Ann and
I getting back together

and being the hottest
couple in Pawnee.

I'd also like to announce our
official relationship mash-up name.

It's Tan. To Tan.

I would like to announce that the
name Tan is officially over.

To the end of Tan.

Haverkins it is.

Okay. Donna?

I would like to
address the fact

that rule number
seven says no pets.

And yet, there is a three-legged
animal in my living room.

Okay. Ron?

Jerry's work is
often adequate.

I'll go.

Jerry has a wife

and three beautiful daughters. A full life.
And that's amazing.

April and Andy have Champion,
and that's amazing.

I have a step-brother
who lives in London

and 2.8% body fat.

Guys. Guys.
What do I do?

I mean, she's asleep.

You probably should just
sit there and not move.

She's really tired
Just a few hours.

A few hours?

Is this all
the eggs we have?

Yes. What are
you making?

Eggs.

Leslie.
Surprise!

Oh, God.

What happened?

Well, you slept with
Jerry last night.

No. I was planning Jerry's
morning surprise party.

Morning surprise parties are always the best.
Let's get going.

I made some coffee.

Let's go for a walk.

I now officially insist
that you take a sabbatical.

No, no.
Let me finish.

I used to work in
a sheet metal factory.

But then, a job came
along at the tannery.

The hours were better,
and I would get paid.

Also, I'd have the chance
to work with leather,

both before and
after it was on the cow,

which had always
been a dream of mine.

I didn't want to give
up my sheet metal job,

so I tried to do both jobs
and finish middle school.

How old were you?

Eleven.

The point is,
I was so tired,

l tried to puncture an
eight gauge aluminum foil

with a leather awl.

Well...
I learned a lesson.

Never half-ass
two things.

Whole-ass one thing.

So, if you want
to win that seat...

Which I do.

Then, commit yourself 100%.

Take a sabbatical.

I will cut back
to 10 hours a week.

Deal.

Fifteen.

Ten.

Deal.

I can't believe I got
them back together.

Now, they're always going to want
to come talk to me about stuff.

No, it's a
good thing, babe.

They want to talk to you because
you're important to them.

Yes. But I hate them.

I know you do, sweetheart.

Oh, hey, by the way,
I think that Chris is lonely.

So, I told him he can
borrow Champion whenever.

Andy! He's kissing me!

Jerry, I wanted to say I'm sorry that
I screwed up your birthday party.

Oh, that's okay.

But we all pitched in,

and we are sending
you and Gayle to a

B&B in your favorite
place in the world.

Muncie?

Amazingly, yes.
Muncie, Indiana.

Thank you, guys-

It was really expensive.

Oh, campaign.
Take it.

Excuse me.

It's a bed and breakfast.
They...

You can sleep there
and you get breakfast, too.

It was
pretty expensive.

This is Leslie.