All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S04E15 - Dave Returns (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Oh, God!
Hey, Boo Boo Bear.

What did you just call me?
Boo Boo Bear.

It's one of several nicknames
I made up for you.

And you can choose
which one you like best

'cause I want this
to be a give and take.

Okay. We went out once,
and nothing happened.

There is no "this."

We have Cookie Tush...

Wow.
Just right out the gate.

Winnie the Boo,
Lady Presh Presh,

Annberry Sauce,
Annie Get Your Boo,

Tommy's Girl,
Annie Banannie... Hey!

All right. Let's do this.

What are you doing?

Is this not
one of those?

I might have
misread the vibe.

Oh, my God! Dude. You have
to be cooler about this.

Look, I told Leslie because
she's my best friend.

But if anybody finds out about
this and they start jabbering,

it's going to make it really hard to
know if this is actually anything.

So, just keep it on the DL.
Okay?

I feel like you're
embarrassed by me.

That is accurate.

Can I at least change my Facebook
status to "in a relationship"?

Definitely not.

"It's complicated"?

Whatever.

Am I in a relationship?

It's complicated.

Chief Trumple,
nice to see you.

Hi.
Hey, Knope. Wyatt.

Been a long time, eh, Cap'n? Or Captain.
"Oh, Captain, my Captain."

From Dead Poets Society.

You getting weird already?
Nope. I'm good.

Pawnee's police
chief is retiring

and I'm trying to get his
endorsement before he goes.

I'm really nervous because I
need this for my campaign.

And Ben is really nervous
because he is afraid of cops.

I'm not afraid of cops. I have no reason to be.
I never break any laws, ever.

Because I'm
deathly afraid of cops.

Look, Knope.
I've always liked you.

But the Newports
run this town.

And frankly, they've donated a
lot of money to the Department.

Well, mo' money, mo' problems.
That's what I always say.

How about mo money, more protective
Kevlar vests that save lives?

Sometimes,
I say that, too.

I understand you
need to think about it.

But if you were going
to make a decision...

The guys are throwing me a little
retirement thing tonight at O'Flynnigans.

There's going to be beer.

So why don't you swing by
and I'll give you an answer?

Weirdo can come, too.

All right.

Let's go.
Oh, hey. Uh...

May I say that
the boys in blue...

Don't. Stop.

...are heroes.

Obviously,
some more than others.

Oh, boy.
Here it comes.

9/11.
And we're walking.

Okay.

Listen up, people.
This is very serious.

Jerry, if you're eating
you're not listening.

Thanks, babe.

I don't know how
many of you have heard,

but there is a flesh-eating
virus going around.

Yeah.
It's called music.

And there's only one
way to get a vaccine.

And that is
to play it.

To play the...
You get an injection.

Just say
your piece, son.

I have finished writing
Leslie's campaign anthem.

It's called Catch Your Dream
and it's amazing.

It's kind of like
We Are the World,

except I actually think it could
have a real impact on society.

Here's the thing.
We need back-up singers.

And I thought, who better
to be back-up singers

than Leslie's
campaign team?

Everyone's got something they're in
charge of for Leslie's campaign.

My job is the song.

She originally put me in charge of hot
dogs at this fundraising barbecue,

and I dropped them all. All of them.
Like, 1,000.

Sol really want
to do a good job.

So, we're going to
record this bitch tonight.

6:00.
Double Time Studio.

Double Time, you said? Little brick
building over on Liondale Road?

Yeah. You know the one?

No.

You could not keep
it together in there.

I know. I'm sorry.
But I'm fine now.

As long as we
can get out of here

as quickly as possible
and never come back.

Hey, Leslie.

Dave.
Hey.

Oh. my God!
Hey.

Wow.

You look great.

San Diego sun.
Got me all tanned up.

So, what are you...
Oh. Sorry.

Ben, this is my...
This is Dave Sanderson.

Oh, hey.
Nice to meet you.

Yes, Leslie Knope is a female
person with whom I was involved.

We had, romantic...
Romantical involvement

until I relocated
to San Diego.

Which is...
That's in California,

which is southwest of here
by a number of miles.

So, we terminated our
involvement at that time.

Are you here
for awhile?

No, just tonight, for the
Chief's retirement thing.

Oh. Yeah. We're... We're going
to that, too, actually.

But we're going to
go a little later.

Because first,
we're going to have dinner

at a really nice,
new French restaurant.

Cool. I'm going to go to the gas
station and get a frozen burrito

and eat it right
there at that table.

Well, see you later.

You should come
to dinner with us.

Okay.

I shouldn't have invited him.
I'm sorry.

Oh, no, no.
No, that's okay.

I mean, I just feel
like it's kind of odd

for me and him to
hang out with you.

And honestly, if you want to
just go out with him alone,

I'd be totally
okay with it.

No. Look,
he's here for one night.

He's a really great guy,
and he's going to love you.

Which, bonus, will make all
the other cops love you.

Dave is a great person. And he's
a great judge of character.

Tonight, he's going
to endorse Ben,

and Trumple is
going to endorse me.

Double endorsement.

Ooh, that sounds like
an Ashley Judd movie.

Studio's down here.
Let's go.

Hustle, people.
Come on. Jerry.

That's vandalism.

I have a problem.

This happens
to be the studio

where a local saxophone legend named
Duke Silver records his albums.

I've heard of him.

I heard he makes mature
women swoon when he plays.

From what I've heard about Duke,
he's kind of a private guy.

He doesn't want his nosy co-workers
discussing his music with him.

Or knowing
that he exists.

So if you happen to see any
memorabilia laying around,

kindly and
discreetly discard it.

You got it, Duke.
Don't call me that.

I dig your
groovy tunes, man.

Did you hear me? I said, I
dig your groovy tunes, man.

Yo, Chuck. We're going
to go ahead and play

and sing
at the same time.

I want this to have the
electricity of a live concert.

So, we have to play it
perfectly every time?

No, Burly.
Play it unperfectly.

You mean, imperfectly?

I mean perfectly.

God, that was hot nonsense.

Yeah.

Hey, can I have
a sip of that water?

Oh, sure.
Thanks.

That's sweet. The two of you
sharing a nice bottle of...

You told them.

What?

I asked you
for one thing.

Fine. I told them we went on a date.
When?

As soon as I possibly could. l texted
them while we were on the date.

I'm sorry. But you are too hot to hide, Ann.
This is on you.

Hey.

When you two spoon,
who spoons who?

Ben's doing
an amazing job

as campaign manager.
Thank you.

You're welcome.
He's really smart.

You know, a campaign manager is
only as good as the campaign person

that he is managing.

So I'm trying to say
you're a real smart lady.

Oh, you can say that again. If
anything, I'm holding her back.

Aw, Ben.

I said my thing first.

Actually, that's why we were
at the police station today.

We're trying to get Chief
Trumple's endorsement.

Oh, yeah?
Hugh's a buddy of mine.

I could probably
get him to endorse you.

Oh, man,
that would be amazing.

Yeah.
Thank you.

Hey. Excuse me.
I need to use the bathroom.

Oh, you mean
the whiz palace.

Yes, Leslie calls
it that sometimes.

I know.
It's kind of cute, right?

Yeah, that's real cute.

So, how is San Diego... I'm
still in love with you.

What did you just say?
Nothing.

I did... Nothing. Nothing was said.
Nothing was just now...

Did you just say you were
still in love with me?

No, I don't think
I said that.

Dave, why would you tell
me that here and now?

Because it's accurate.

And because he's not
here right now,

so I thought this
would be a good time.

Can I just please talk to you
about this for five minutes?

No. You cannot bring this up at
all when my boyfriend is here.

Okay, well, get rid of him.
That's a good call.

No, bad call. That's not the call.
I'll tell him.

Okay. If we leave now while
he's in the whiz palace...

No. Listen to me.

Hey. Whizzingham Manor.

That's another funny name
for the bathroom

that I thought of.

Catch your dream

And shackle it
to your heart

Catch your dream...

No. No. No.

Was that a joke?
Were you joking just now?

Because if so, that was
hilarious-ly awful-ly funny

how bad that was.

Why don't you
take 15 minutes

and really think about whether or
not you want to be part of this.

He's a gorgeous
genius, people.

Just don't
question his methods.

Tom, am I to
understand correctly

that you are now romantically
involved with Ann Perkins?

Oh, are you about
to give me the whole,

"She's a great girl and you need
to treat her right" speech?

Since you guys
used to date?

No. But she is,
and you should.

I just had no idea.
And so, now, I have to...

...adjust.

Okay. Great talk.

Uh, how's work
out there, Dave?

Pretty good. I've caught
a lot of bad guys.

About six bad guys.

So, you're
leaving tomorrow?

I'm scheduled
to leave tomorrow

on the 12:15 flight
through Salt Lake City.

Oh. It was so good
to see you.

But I may be
coming back.

How's that now?

Well, I'm mainly here to interview
for Trumple's job Police Chief.

Dude, that's amazing.

You should totally be Chief.
You could endorse Leslie.

I would definitely
endorse Leslie.

You don't have to. There's
a lot of good candidates.

I think I'm going to
take a little go outside.

You look like I could
use some company.

What?
What?

Would you like to step outside
with me and catch up?

We have caught up.

We talked about San Diego
and about the six bad guys.

I think we're good.

I could take
a little jaunt with you.

No, I don't want that.

Well, I'm already... I already
said I'm going to go.

So I guess I'm a man of my word.
I'm going to go.

Take your time.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. Honestly,
how do you think I'm doing?

Because I feel like
we're getting along...

He said he's still in love with me.
...pretty well.

What's that?

When you were in the bathroom, he
said he was still in love with me.

Oh, my God.
Leslie, he's a cop.

He's in love with you
and he has a gun.

Can you just not freak out?
I'm not freaking out.

Okay.
I'm not freaking...

I know. That's... I know.

It was raining out, so I
didn't want to get wet.

I got some hot tea
with honey.

Good for the voice.
I recommend you all try it.

Mine's really just a cup of
honey because tea is gross.

And here's the thing. We're
going to start from scratch.

We're going to get rid
of this whole sucky vibe.

I'm thinking we could...

To the man!

I was thinking, like, a
crazy rock star vibe.

See where
her head's at?

Follow her lead.

That was amazing.

Next thing, I want to hear how
all of us sing on our own,

so we can figure out
where we're going wrong.

This is not an audition,
so relax.

But if you don't sing good,
you're out of here.

I think you sound
like an angel

and everyone else
sounds like demons.

I think you
shouldn't whisper.

Yeah, Ann's mad at me now but I
have a few tricks up my sleeve.

I don't want to brag,
but I have a ton of experience

with women being mad at me.

Chris, you're first.
Sing. Anything you want.

Let me hear it.
Okay.

Take me out
to the ball game

Take me out to the game

I just want to be
at the game

I would like to
eat at the game

I'd like popcorn and candy
and the home team at the game

Boom.

Here's the check,
as you requested.

Here's my credit card.
Quick, now.

The check?
Yeah.

You like dessert. Why
didn't you get a dessert?

Oh, dessert is
overrated and gross.

Dave, thank you so much
for a lovely evening.

Actually, Ben, would you mind
if I talked to Leslie alone?

Actually, Dave,
I'd like to talk to you.

Well, I don't want to talk to you.
I want to talk to Leslie.

Well, I want to talk to you. And if
not, then I'd like to talk to Leslie.

Well, I'd like
to talk to Ben.

And then, I'd like the three
of us to talk together.

Well, then, I'll talk to Ben, and
then you, and then I'll talk to you.

And then you'll talk
to each other,

and then we'll
all three talk, then.

All right.

So who's talking now?

Catch your dream

Don't let it spread
its wings and fly away

Stop the song! Stop the song right now.
Please, stop it!

Oh, for sake.

Ann,
I caught feelings for you.

And I want you
to be my girl.

And I don't care
who knows.

I know you don't care,
dummy. I care.

Let's not get hung up
on who wants what.

You know what? I'm calling this.
We're done.

What about
our next date?

If you want another date,
keep walking away.

She's still walking.

I need you to know something,
man to man.

I still have feelings for
Leslie, in a womanly fashion.

And I believe she feels
the same towards me,

in a manly way.

She doesn't
feel the same way.

Because
she has a boyfriend.

Me. And we love
each other.

That information is... It's not
pertinent, frankly, at this juncture.

I just said to you one thing.
And you're contriring me.

I don't think
that's a word.

I think we'd all appreciate it
if you would just let me have

three minutes
with her alone.

Consequently, I'd like
you to clear the area.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm not going to give my
blessing for you to go

and try and win my
girlfriend away from me.

I think that
that's reasonable.

Okay.

Okay, and I want to
thank you.

I want to thank you for having
this talk with me, man.

Oh, well, thank you.
Thank you very much.

What are you doing?
I'm doing that.

Are you serious?

You brought it on yourself.
What?

I got something
I've got to say to you.

Where's Ben?
He left.

He left?

Yeah, he said, "I've got
somewhere important to go,

"and I don't
respect her as a woman."

He said that.

And then he acted more effeminate
than he does in front of you.

Just, look. I've got
some something to say.

And it's emotional. And it's important.
I need 30 seconds.

Okay. What? Go ahead.
What is it? Okay.

Romance...

Hello.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I have to pee
really bad, ironically.

What were
you thinking?

I was thinking
that I would cuff him

and then I could have time
to speak to you.

And that you would
decide to be with me,

and then I would
come back here

and we would
un-cuff him together.

Can you just
un-cuff him, please?

I'm sorry.

Would you look at that?

Nature is
throwing me a bone.

Haverford Playbook
move number two.

Ladies love a guy waiting
for them in the rain.

Like a memory of

I never thought I'd
say this to you, son,

but you may be
over-thinking this.

The song has to
be perfect, Ron.

Okay? Leslie
trusted me with it.

I can't come up with some
brilliant political idea, can I?

This is the
only way I can help.

Maybe if I hit my head against the ground.
That's worked before.

Leslie is going to love it.
I promise.

No offense, Ron, but what
do you know about music?

Hey. Take a walk.

Clear your head.
I bet it does you some good.

Ann?

Boo Boo?

I don't want to say
"I told you so."

But...
What?

I was the one
who didn't want to go.

I know. I was hoping
you wouldn't remember.

I'm sorry.

He was a very
important person to me

and it mattered to me that he
liked you, which is silly.

Let's just go home.

No. We're going
to Trumple's thing.

No. Let's not go there. I don't
care about the endorsement.

And I don't want to put
you through this anymore.

You don't care
about the endorsement?

Leslie, let's not let your
terrible decision-making

get in the way
of this election.

What happened to you?

I was waiting outside
in the rain for you.

Because I thought you would
come out and be like,

"Oh, he's all wet.
That's so romantic."

But you didn't.

And now
I've got the sniffles.

What on earth would make you
think I would like that?

Movies.

Oh, God, Tom.

Why do you have to be
so you all the time?

I'm sorry.

Will you help me get out
of these wet clothes?

Hey. Want a beer?
Oh, okay.

If you're driving,
I can't give you a beer.

Oh. Well, then,
no, thank you.

It's a celebration, man.
You have to have a drink.

I'll definitely
have one.

Don't make a mistake
you'll always regret.

Please just tell me
what you want me to do.

So, if you move here,
I hope we can be friends.

But I love Ben
and he comes first.

And if you're going to act like an
ass, I can't talk to you, ever.

Okay, that's fair.

I'm sorry.

That was dumb, all that stuff I did.
You just, you make me crazy.

And I guess I'm just
surprised that, you know,

that's the guy you fell in love with.
He's very...

Well, he's shrimpy.
And he's small.

Shrimpy or not, he's smart and he's
cute and he's kind and he's funny.

He's got a great face
and nice hair, and he's...

Okay, that's...
I get it. I surrender.

I just want to know that you're
happy and you're protected.

I'm very happy.
And he's not shrimpy.

A few weeks ago, a guy called
me a bitch in a bowling alley,

and he punched
him in the face.

Well, good man.

I mean him,
for doing that.

Not the guy who
called you a bitch.

You tell me where he is.
I'll punch him, too.

All right, guys.
Here's the deal.

We've got to completely start over.
I wrote a new song.

It's called The Promise
of Tomorrow's Wings.

It's brilliant, about a billion times
better than Catch Your Dreams,

which I realize now
sucks ass.

Hey, Chuck. Go ahead and just
delete everything, all right?

Hold on, Chuck.

Just listen to the song one more
time and then make a decision.

Where is that
saxophone coming from?

I don't know.

I don't know the first
thing about music.

And shackle it to your heart

Is that a new mix?
It sounds way better.

See? You just needed
to clear your head.

Hey. You guys,
who is this?

This looks just like...

Ow, that was loud.

I am telling you that
Leslie, in the long run,

is so much better for this police
department than Bobby Newport is.

No, no! It's paper.
I was reaching for paper.

It's all right, boys.

Leslie has a plan to raise cops'
pensions and increase benefits

without cutting back
on hours.

Newport's just
going to keep on

buying you guys
a couple of new cars

or some new uniforms,
as always.

That guy is all about
short-term solutions.

Pretty sweet sauce
in there, eh, Ace?

What's wrong with you?
I don't know.

Trumple gave me the
endorsement, which is great.

But really, the only endorsement
that matters is Ben's.

And I locked that sucker
up a long time ago.

Now, if you'll
excuse me, I'm about

to endorse 10 beers
into my mouth

because this has been an
incredibly stressful evening.

Nice work, guys.
Hey, a little tradition.

After Mouse Rat records,
someone buys me booze.

Who's it
going to be?

All right, look.
I know I messed up.

But there's something
I've got to say to you.

No playbook. No gimmicks. Just me,
Tom, talking to you as a person.

Okay. I would like that.
Good.

Because this is what
I really want to say.

Baby,
I'm sorry for how I acted

But if you give
me another chance

I could be the boo
of your dreams, girl

So when you're sleeping
and you're dreaming of a boo

I want that boo to be me

I want me to be that boo

So will you date me?
I'm saying...

Okay. Yes, fine, fine, fine.
Yes.

I will.
I will go out with you.

Enough. Please!

Really?
Yes.

Dude, you wore me down.
Just stop singing. Please.

The four sweetest words
in the English language.

"You wore me down."

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Oh, hey, Dave.
Go ahead.

Go ahead.
No, that's all right.

No, no, no.

You're waiting
It's your turn.

No. No, I'm not.

You're not waiting.

No.

It feels like you're...

It feels to me
like you're being

overly respectful
of all these cops,

and you're letting them go
in all in front of you.

No, no, no.
I'm just standing here.

Why would you be
standing just here?

I was just checking...
Get in that. Go in!

Thank you so much.