All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S04E13 - Bowling for Votes (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

I will institute a reduction in
taxes for the small business owner,

as well as
a seven-percent surcharge

on all non-local
business-related development.

Together, we will
build a better Pawnee.

So, what we're
looking for here

are your overall impressions
of this candidate.

What do you like about her?
What don't you like about her?

Her ideas, her voice.
Her clothes, probably.

Well, my campaign
has a little momentum.

So, we're trying to capitalize
on that by doing a focus group.

Some things
are very helpful.

Other things are
not so helpful.

All of the things make me feel a
lot of feelings about myself.

She's kind of short,
don't you think?

Aggressively short, almost.

It's like she's throwing it
in my face.

Insightful. DONNA: You,
sir, said you would not

vote for her, correct?

Yeah. Yeah,
she seems a little uptight.

She doesn't seem
like the kind of person

you could go bowling with,
you know?

What? That's ridiculous. I am
excellent at bowling. Ask Ron.

Leslie, I know it's tough
to hear these things.

But just try not to get
obsessed over one comment.

You're totally right.
I'm not obsessing.

Okay.
What are you doing?

I'm just reminding myself to tell Ron
to tell you how good I am at bowling.

All right.

I actually thought
that she was smart,

and I'd vote for her.

There you go.

Although I once knew a Leslie,
and she was just awful.

So, now,
I hate all Leslies.

Would she consider changing her name?
No. No.

Okay, here we go.
71% said

that you have a strong
command of the issues.

That is good.

But only 33% said that they
would consider voting for you.

Mmm. Yeah, it's really
interesting stuff.

Why did that guy say that he
wouldn't want to go bowling with me?

You really have
to let that go.

I've never been very good
at letting things go.

I can't tell you how many times
a fun tug-of-war with a dog

over a chew toy
turned contentious.

One of us always
ends up mad.

I did some research, too, about
the guy who said the thing

about me and bowling,
and his name is Derek.

Oh, my God.
And get this.

He's not even that good
of a bowler.

His average is 132, according to
the most recent available data.

Leslie, that comment
wasn't really about

whether you're
good at bowling.

Which I am.
Which we all know you are.

Ask Ron.

But some people
have the impression

that you're a little elitist
or intellectual or something.

That is so sexist It's
just because I'm a woman.

Would they deign to say such things to
Woodrow Wilson or Benjamin Disraeli?

Okay. I see what
you're talking about.

See, a lot of people
don't vote with their brains,

they vote with their guts.

I know you're fun, and you
can have a good time.

The public needs
to see that.

Well, then, maybe the campaign
should host a bowling night.

Hmm.

Laid back, everyone having
fun, great photo-op.

That could actually work.

Also, I'm really
good at bowling.

No, I don't think I believe you.
ls there anyone I can ask?

Yeah. Ask Ron.

Oh, okay.
You're kidding.

All right! It is time for the 12th
Leslie Knope Fundraising Phone Bank.

Is everybody
feeling good?

Oh, I don't know, Jerry.
It's Sunday night.

I'm making phone calls to
strangers, and you're in my house.

My life couldn't be worse.

Hey! Let's get this phone
party started! No.

Sorry I'm late, guys.

I know this kind of thing
can be a grind.

But Ben said that this is the most
important thing we can do to help Leslie.

So, tonight is
going to be fun.

You're probably thinking, "How
could it possibly be fun?"

No one is thinking that.

I kind of was.

I was not.

Why are we laughing?

Well, anyway, tonight, we are going to
spice things up with a little competition.

Whoever raises the most money
by the end of the night

will win two free movie passes
to the Pawnee Mono-Plex.

You really think that's going
to motivate people to...

Oh, my God! I can use that for a
romantic night with Millicent Gergich.

Out of my way, suckas.

As City Manager,
I play no favorites

But as a private citizen, I am
free to support whomever I choose.

And I choose to support Team
Knope, because they're the best.

Everybody's the best.
We're all winners.

Do I look laid back?

You look like you're
trying to look laid back.

How about now?

I think just maybe just stand
how you would normally stand.

Okay...

I forget now. Hey, Ron.
Thanks for coming, man.

Of course. This bowling alley has
my favorite restaurant in Pawnee.

Really? You're not
scared to eat here?

When I eat, it is the
food that is scared.

Why are you sitting weird?
Damn it.

Who's ready
to bowl so hard?

Tommy's new
bowling "swag."

You know what? When you
do it, you really do it.

Good for you, man.

Hello. I am calling on
behalf of Leslie Knope,

who is running
for City Council.

Is this
Dierdre Splatterfork?

That is literally the most
beautiful name I have ever heard.

No, I don't think we can
accept donations over $50.

I don't really know why you would
need my Social Security number.

But, well, yeah, no.
You're right.

I guess it couldn't hurt
to give it to you.

It's two-one-zero...
Absolutely nothing.

What are you wearing?

Fine. If you don't want to donate, then don't.
Oh, by the way,

I'm calling from
inside your house.

$100!
This is unbelievable.

I cannot be stopped.

Come on
Now, get the money

Come on, April
Get an earpiece

Come on, do it
Get some money

I don't care about that prize.
But I'm going to win,

because I want
his happiness to go away.

Type in "T-Rex" for me.
No, no, no.

"T-Boz." Wait, wait.

"Tommy Tsunami." No.

"Ticky-Ticky Tom-Tom."
No. "Fly Guy."

I wrote "Tom."
Classic. Timeless. I love it.

"Girl"?

I saw your ad,
from when you were a kid.

But it's nice to have a beer
and get to know you.

Thanks, Rich.
Here. Smile.

Maybe you'll get your picture
in the Pawnee Journal.

Hey. This is going really well.
Pretty decent turnout.

Yeah. I feel very
casual and relaxed.

Is that the guy
from the focus group?

Huh.

I don't know.
I think it is.

Is it?
Excuse me. Sir?

Would you mind telling me how you
heard about the event tonight?

I got a weird invitation
in the mail.

I didn't realize we were
sending out invitations.

Hey, you're that girl from
the focus group thing I did.

I wouldn't know.

I'm never on the other side
of the glass at those things.

Can I talk to you for a sec?
Yep.

Straight down the middle.
No hook, no spin, no fuss.

Anything more, and this
becomes figure skating.

Come on, big girl Let's knock
these little pins down.

Oh, my God. Are you serious?
Son, people can see you.

That right there?
Tommy strike.

Leslie, what happened
to the big picture?

I'm thinking about
the big picture.

I'm trying to make the picture
bigger by including this guy in it.

I can't do anything about
my gender or my height,

but I can win that guy over
with a fun round of bowling.

We need everyone here to see a
different side of Leslie Knope.

Not one specific person.

Some people just aren't
going to like you.

Let it go.

Okay. I hear you. I will treat
him just like everybody else.

I'll just say hi to him,
shake his hand,

buy him a few beers,
share a few laughs,

bowl a few frames, lose intentionally
to make him feel good,

friend him on Facebook
and by the end of the night,

he will be mine.

Whoa! "Thar" she bowls!

I'm Leslie Knope.

You want to bowl?
You want to bowl together?

You want to be, like,
bowl buddies?

Sure.
Great.

Just a casual game.
You know? No biggie.

You okay?

My sister has scoliosis,
and I think you might...

No. No. I'm just
being "cazsh."

What are you rocking,
a fifteen-pounder?

Sixteen.
Hey. Good for you.

There they are. I just
ordered some wings for us.

You like wings?

Love them.
Really? Who knew?

I knew.

Damn it. Why are you mad?
You bowled a strike.

That's how I motivate myself.
"Never good enough."

Let me get you a beer.
Cool.

These beers are as cold as
the Tuktoyaktuk Winter Road.

You watch
Ice Road Truckers?

Yeah, dude.
That's my guilty pleasure.

Tom, I'm asking you as a man
to stop this immediately.

What the?

Hello?
Is this Mrs. Gallivan?

Well, my name is April.
And wouldn't you know it,

I'm raising money for a City
Council candidate I believe in.

No. Mira, mira, mira, mira.
It's, like, whatever you want.

Like $10.
It don't matter.

Well, I reckon it's just like Grammy
Martha told me and my cousins.

You can't eat the biscuits if
you don't pay for the flour.

Put the phone down.

Take a deep breath.

And then, you are
going to tell Steven

that you will be
treated with respect.

Okay?

And thank you
for your donation.

Well, gee,
I don't know, Fred.

All I know is that I

just want to live in a world
that's a better place.

And your contribution will
definitely help us get there.

To the...

...better place
world, Fred.

Yee-haw!

Man, move over, pins!
There's a new sheriff in town.

You are so down with strikes,
they should call you Norma Rae.

Who's that?

It's a Sally Field movie about unions.
Doesn't matter.

The point is,
you're really good at this.

It's your turn.
Try not to break a nail.

Classic Derek
with the zings.

Man, that's what
bowling is all about.

Hey.
How's it going?

It's going really good.
Good.

We're just hanging out
and having a very good time.

Okay. I just wanted to remind
you that when you're bowling,

try not to fixate
on just one pin.

You're trying to knock
down a lot of pins.

I realize that. But I
will knock down this pin.

And then, this pin will knock
down all the other pins.

Really?
Mmm-hmm.

Hey. Would you get me
another one of these?

I don't work here.

Classic Derek.

I am taking
a pro-biotic tea break.

And while that is happening I thought
I might share some big news.

I am going to ask Millicent
Gergich to move in with me.

I mean, if that's okay with
you, of course, Jerry.

Yeah, of course. Sure.

That's awesome, man. Hey, do
you guys want to live here

with us and Ben and Champion,
the three-legged dog?

That is an amazing offer.
Yes.

But I think we're probably
going to get our own place.

I'm already working with a real estate
agent to find an octagonal house.

I've done some reading,

and an octagon is the optimal shape
for a home in terms of energy flow.

Chris,
I hate to pull rank,

but if you're going to take a break,
would you mind going in the living room?

Just so it doesn't
disturb everybody else?

Jerry. I love it when you pull rank.
Oh. Okay.

You're being weird. Why?

Milly is going to break up with Chris.
Shut up.

Oh, my God. That's going to be super
weird when they move in together.

Yeah. I don't know when, but she
is definitely going to do it.

Nice.

Hey, Ron, were you
trying to get a seven?

Because if you were,
you did a great job.

I am very angry right now.

What?

My finger was in there.

Ron crushed my finger.

I think
it might be broken.

Are you a female bird?

It was an accident.

Oh, my God.
It's already swollen.

Tom, my God. Do you
have any pride at all?

You did this on purpose.
You were jealous of my gift.

Okay. Come on, Tweety Bird.
Let's get you some ice.

It hurts.
Come on.

Well, congratulations, man.
Fun match.

Fun game. Good times.
You have fun?

Yeah. I'm not one to complain
about free beer and free bowling.

See you around.
Okay. Just one second.

I'm running for City Council,
as you know.

And, just wondering,
do I have your vote?

No.

Derek, you old so-and-so For reals.
Can I count on your vote?

Yeah, no.
I don't think so.

But we've been here bowling all
night, and we've been having fun.

And you're still not going
to vote for me? Why?

I don't like you, okay?

Leslie. Leslie.

Well, you're
a crappy bowler,

and I pretended
to lose to you.

Yeah, right.
I destroyed you.

No. It's true.
I am a really good bowler.

Ask Ron.

I don't know who Ron is But if
you're so great, let's play again.

Good. I'd love to. Tell you
what, if I win I get your vote.

If I win, you clean my
house for a month. Done.

Hey, Leslie, I'd like to introduce you
to my good friend, "Anyone Else."

Not now, Ben. I'd like to
introduce Derek's ass to my foot.

Give me another beer.
I don't work here.

$20? Thank you.

We're really looking for donations
more in the $10,000 range.

Hi, guys. CHRIS: Hey, Milly.
Just one second.

Let me get off this call.
Hi, I'm so sorry. I'm back.

What, Champion? You
need to go outside now?

Come on. That a boy. Sorry.
He hates awkward situations.

Oh!

Terrible moonwalk.
Don't care.

Yeah. What's up now, huh?

You got a spare.
That's so cute.

Check out the scoreboard.

So, Millicent and I are going
to take a nice little stroll.

And I'll be back soon.

If you want to take
the rest of the night off,

that would be fine. Well, I don't
think that will be necessary.

Unless you also
want to go get dinner.

Nope.
This won't take too long.

Chris, you might want
to take a jacket with you.

It's about to get
cold out there.

Thanks, Donna. But Millicent's
company will keep me warm.

Take the jacket.

I wished for his
happiness to go away.

I might be a wizard.

Hey, Derek.
What a defeat, man.

I mean, I did not expect
to win by that much.

But I warned you.
I'm a good bowler.

Whatever.
All joking aside,

I want to say that
I actually had fun.

And I'm really looking forward
to your vote in the spring.

Yeah. I'll just
write in "bitch."

I'm sorry?
What did you just say?

Just ignore him.
He's being a jerk.

I said, she's a bitch.

Oh, my God.

What the hell?

I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.

That was awesome.
I'm so sorry.

Look. Here's that
photo op you wanted.

Ow!
Sorry.

So, that's everything
that happened.

So, that was just what happened.
It was just, like...

What's wrong with you?

I don't know. I just, I have a
lot of adrenaline right now.

Just take a few
deep breaths. Okay?

The guy said
he might press charges.

Yeah. Well, Randy,

I would like you to know that we
will not be pressing charges.

Yeah, that really
wasn't an option.

Come on. The guy
was being a total jerk.

What Ben did was warranted and
extremely awesome, by the way.

Did you write down
how awesome it was?

When we write
official reports,

we refrain from using words
like "jerk" or "awesome."

Hey. Here you go.
Hey.

You and me, huh?
Hurt "fingies."

No. No. Two totally
different injuries.

Okay. You just hang
in there, okay?

Okay, I love you, too.
Bye-bye.

Well, that was Milly.

It happened.
She broke up with Chris.

Damn you, Jerry.

It is not my fault.

Well, I feel sorry
for the man.

Well, anyway, the fundraising
challenge is over.

And the winner... Whoa! We
have a surprise winner. April.

Yes.

April wins two tickets
to the Pawnee Mono-Plex.

Yes! That's my wife!

Okay.
Everything's settled here.

You want to head home?
No. We haven't finished, yet.

Last frame. Your turn.

He hurt his hand.

Last frame. Go.

Fine. I'll bowl one-handed,
like an idiot.

You need six pins to win.

Come on.

King Kong ain't got nothing on me!
Ow! My "fingie" still hurts.

The bravery. The perseverance.
You're an American hero.

And the best part is, beautiful, you
get to drive the champion home.

The headline I would
have gone with, is,

"No-Strike-Bowling Bowler,

"struck by Knope's
Striking Beau."

Okay, one more time.
Let me resign.

It's the only thing
that truly protects you.

Non-starter.

Okay. Now, when you take questions, I
think you should be brief and sincere.

Don't try to
justify what I did.

Just apologize again,
and stay on script.

Are you sure that you don't
need more whipped cream?

Not today.
I don't deserve it.

I got us into this mess because
I was fixating on that guy.

But this is ridiculous. I do
need more whipped cream. Ma'am?

Hi.

April Ludgate.
How are you doing?

Whatever. I'm fine.
How are you?

Well, as you may know, Millicent Gergich
ended our relationship last night.

Which was disappointing.

But here's why it may be the
greatest thing that ever happened.

Yeah. Good point. I hadn't
thought about it that way.

Here.
Take these tickets.

No, no, no, no.
You earned them.

They're movie tickets, Chris.
They're, like, eight bucks.

It's a gesture.

There are three of them.
I thought there were only two.

Yeah, I know.
I bought another one.

Because I thought that
maybe you, me, and Andy

could go to the
movies sometime.

Just take the stupid tickets.
I'm just trying to be nice.

Thank you.

There you go.

Okay, We-

Leslie, are you going
to fire Ben Wyatt?

Are you going
to suspend your campaign?

I'd like to first start by
saying thank you for coming.

And on behalf of Ben Wyatt and
everyone involved in my campaign,

I am very sorry
for what happened

at the Rock-N-Roll
Bowling Alley last night.

You know what?
No. I'm not.

I'm not sorry.
This guy was drunk,

and he was aggressive,
and he was rude,

and he was foul-mouthed, and he called
me by my second-least-favorite term

for a woman. And my campaign
manager punched him.

I do not condone violence, but I
have to be honest. It was awesome.

And my campaign manager and
I made out a lot afterward.

I probably shouldn't have said that.
But that's what happened.

Derek hates me, and
I don't particularly like him.

So, what's the point?
Right, Derek?

I feel like you're being
kind of a bitch right now.

See? So, I'm not
going to apologize.

And if people won't vote
for me because of that,

well, there's nothing
I can do about it.

But you should be warned.

If you do not vote for me, my
boyfriend might beat you up.

Now, if anyone has any questions
about the issues facing our city,

I'm right here.

Okay. What are your overall
impressions of this woman?

What do you like about her?
What don't you like about her?

I like her. What do you like
about her specifically?

I don't know. She's tough, I guess.
I just like her.

I like that that one guy
punched that other guy.

And then, I like that
she stood by him.

See? People
vote with their gut.

Yeah. That guy said he didn't
like my earrings. Go punch him.

Sure.

Here you go. Lane eight.

No. Lane 22.
The one at the very end.

Son of a bitch!

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey. Perfect game.

What's your name?
We'll put it up on the wall.

I was never here. And you will
never speak of this again.