Original subtitles

And in weather, it's icky and sticky here in Monstropolis,

with high temperatures continuing over the next few days. Don.

Thanks, Lisa. As you can see, in nearby Monstrocity,

it's already well into the 200s, with humidity at 140%.

(CHUCKLES) This is a good one.

Hey, Duncan, who's that right next to you, huh, huh?

That's your biggest fan.

Oh, wow. Don't quit your day job, College Boy.

Phew! That machine shop's hot,

but not nearly as hot as my former husbands.

Pierre. Sheldon. Oh. Ricardo.

VAL: Heads up!

-(EXHALES) Thanks, Val. -VAL: No problem.

Just finishing off my Drooler Cooler Tower of Coolness.

Aw. Just when it was getting cool.

-Aw. -Sad, sweaty sigh.

Sounds like it'll be monstrously hot today. (LAUGHS)

Right, Don? Don?

Somebody get a mop!

Half full? (GROANS) That was some of my best belching.

I gave her the (BELCHES) and the (BELCHES) and the classic...

Oh. Smells like you've had stench toast for breakfast, sir.

-MIKE: What's up? -With this heat,

we need a way to generate more laugh power.

-Suggestions? -How about a Laugh Extractor?

Too soon, Fungus.

This is serious.

If we don't get more jokesters ASAP, we'll lose business to Fear Co.

-Right. More jokesters. -CELIA: Right away.

And I know just where to find them.

This is hot? I lived for a while in Scarizona.

Brutal. So to stay cool, I'd close my eyes and think of cold stuff.

We're best buds now.

-Trust me. -TYLER: No! Stop!

-You'll get us killed. -VAL: Thinking of stuff,

-like snowflakes, ice cream... -Stop! No!

-...my refrigerator, chocolate milkshakes. -TYLOR: Sorry!

Cadavers, hypothermia.

Ha-ha! See? I'm feeling cooler already.

Don't... (GAGS) do that again.

Oh, boy. See that up there?

In heat like this, we get thermal expansion.

The doors jam on the tracks.

Wait, wait, wait. Quiet, quiet, quiet.

WOMAN OVER PA: Repeat, all comedy class participants

report to the Laugh Floor immediately.

Did you hear that? That's me. Laugh Floor.

But I need help with the...

-Can't hear you. Bye. I'm already gone. -(SIGHS)

Attention. (CLEARS THROAT)

Now, listen to me.

I don't care if it's a giggle, a chortle, a guffaw, a tee-hee,

we need laugh energy, and we need it now.

Mary, all five eyes on me.

Chuck, all four arms at your side.

Kaitlyn, you ooze, you lose.

You may not be official jokesters, but power demand is high.

So your mission, make kids laugh.

This is awesome.

-I brought my liquid-emitting flower. -MIKE: Tuskmon!

-Sir! -Are you funny, Tuskmon?

Yes, sir! I'm very funny, sir!

My nana talks funnier than that.

(IN BABY VOICE) Yes, sir! I'm very funny, sir!

Actually, that's pretty funny.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) That's my baby voice.

You should use that on the Laugh Floor.

How long do I have to hold you like this?

Oh. Sorry, Sulley. Props!

This is your official Monsters Inc. issue comedy equipment.

Please return them in the condition you received them.

-(CHUCKLES) Score! Naked poultry. -(TOY SQUEAKS)

Uh, excuse me, sorry, Carla? Tylor Tuskmon here with Monster News.

Uh, any last words before I'm number one on that board?

And go ahead and speak into the chicken clearly.

Honey, your naked chicken needs a mint.

(SNIFFS) Ugh.

All right, jokesters, get ready to make those kids laugh.

If you fail, Monstropolis will suffer a catastrophic blackout.

But if you do succeed,

whoever's number one on the leaderboard will officially become a jokester.

Wow. It is crazy to see my name on the leaderboard. (LAUGHS)

Uh, no offense, Carla,

but nothing's gonna stop me from being number one up there.

We have an inbound door check malfunction on Laugh Floor F.

I need a work order ASAP.

Oh. Ms. Mae, I'm with MIFT.

-I can fix it in two seconds. -CELIA: Perfect.

Number one on that board, comin' right back.

We should've checked it earlier. You should listen to me.

Okay! It's good! Get the power on.

-Come on, come on! -Not until you're safely down.

Just turn it on. I gotta get back.

Jokester, remember? Turn it on.

-Mm. -Thank you. All fixed. Bye.

-(GASPS) -Oh, no!

Oh, no.

-TYLOR: Turn it off! Turn it off! -VAL: Look out!

Val! Val!

-Val! -VAL: Tylor!

No, no! Oh, no!

No, no! No!

What is that? That's not... That's not a kid's door.

Uh...

Slow down, slow down. What do you mean, Ty-Ty is trapped?

-VAL: He got pulled into the door track. -FRITZ: The door track?

-No time to explain. Gotta go, gotta go. -FRITZ: Val! Val! Val!

Find our Ty-Ty!

No.

Welcome to the Himalayas!

Tylor!

Tylor!

Tylor?

Yeah, ice sculptures. You gotta have a hobby.

Well, in this case, it's more of an art. I call this one Yak in Winter Three.

Yeah. I... I'm sorry, how did I end up hanging upside down?

Oh, you fainted. I had to get the blood to your head.

I recognize you.

Anyway, Yak in Winter One and Two, now they were equally impressive.

(CHUCKLES) Wanna try it? Watch your fingers.

-Don't breathe in the fumes. -No, no!

Come on. What are you afraid of?

You. I'm afraid of you.

-Me? -You're Abominable. You were banished.

"Abominable"? Why can't they call me the "Adorable Snowman"?

And why "snowman", huh? I'm not made of snow. I'm not even a man.

If you're here, and I'm here,

that was a banishment door.

-Uh, snow cone? It's non-dairy. -I gotta get back. I can't be here.

-I'm not banished. I shouldn't be... -Lemon-flavored.

Sorry. Has anybody ever actually gotten back from here?

-Ah, sure. Few weeks ago. Or was it years? -There's gotta be something.

A one-eyed green ball and a big, blue furry fellow were here.

Now they were in a hurry to get back, too. What a coinkydink.

-You mean Mike and Sulley? -Yeah! Now I remember.

Used to work with them in the mail room.

-They made it back, they're in charge now. -Good for them.

Ha. So they made it back.

Yeah, I miss that place.

Handing out all the mail, seeing all the monsters around the office.

But at least livin' here just got better.

-It did? -Sure did, cave-mate.

Oh, I don't know about cave-mate.

Hey, I got a spare grotto.

Rent's very reasonable.

Hey, you can pay me in yak dung. First, make sure it's dry.

Val?

Another roomie!

You're the...

Adorable Snowman.

I heard you ate some guy in Monsters Resources.

-Who? Dale? -That's what I heard.

I didn't eat Dale. Dale quit.

Went to school to become a massage therapist.

Which I'm like, "You need a school for that?"

Uh, yeah. Nine months. And a lot of money.

-Yeah, I'm misunderstood. -Oh.

But now, I got some friends that understand me.

-Oh. -Hey! I'll get some games.

We can play Pin the Tail on a Yak or Name That Yak or Yakopoly.

Yakopoly? I love games, too.

-Okay, we gotta get back. Let's go. -Let's stay.

-Stay? What? No. -Come on, Tylor.

You wanna spend your life here?

Please, can we stay? Please, please, please.

-Please, please... -TYLOR: No. No. No.

-Please. -I'm missing my big chance. Come on.

But I feel bad. He seems too nice to be banished.

Must've done something. Not my problem.

-You know what? -No.

-I'm gonna find out why. -Great! Awesome You do you.

There you are, Ty-Ty. You had me worried sick.

-Give me a hug. -No. No, no.

No time. Gotta get to the Laugh Floor.

-Hug. -Double hug.

Triple hug!

What's he doing here? He stole 27 1/2 cars from the parking lot.

No, he was banished for drinking screams directly from the canisters.

Is this true?

-What would I do with half a car? -Oh, who knows the twisted criminal mind?

He's gotta go. Assisting or harboring

a banished monster is punishable by banishment.

"Banishment"?

And you definitely can't hide them in your apartment.

Not that I would know.

-Wait. Where'd he go? -I don't know. I don't care.

I gotta get up to the Laugh Floor. I'm missing my big chance.

(CHUCKLES) You think I'm scared, but I'm not.

We've got to catch him or we're all going down.

"We"?

Come on. Faster, faster.

-Come on. -ADORABLE: Hey, Giant Eye!

-Late night last night? -How did...

Lookin' a little bloodshot, pal.

No. You can't be here. You're gonna get me banished.

If you do get banished, you can ignore the shoebox under the ice couch.

I keep my toenail clippings in there.

I was thinking about making a necklace.

If and when I find a Mrs. Adorable.

It's great to be back. And this place hasn't changed a bit.

(CHUCKLES) Except Thomas has put on a couple of pounds.

-Thomas? -Now, time to find Mike and Sulley.

No. You can't see them right now.

They're very busy. They're very, very busy right now.

-Oh. Hi. Hi, Ms. Flint. -Hi.

MS. FLINT: You look familiar.

-Because today I was on the Laugh Floor... -No, not you. Him.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Him? No. No, no.

He's my, um, dad.

Isn't that right? Dad?

Well, it's possible. I mean... (CHUCKLES) There was this one time...

We don't need to get into the details.

All right. Come on, let's go.

It was great to see you, Ms. Flint.

I'm sure I'll see you on the Laugh Floor.

Dad just walked off.

He did? He did. (CHUCKLES)

Dad!

This is how I caught my second husband. Impossible to escape.

How'd he get out?

He got out?

The Door Division is currently busy. Please hold.

Hey, Otis, you got a promotion!

Were you un-banished?

Not officially. It's a habeas corpus issue, really.

Excuse me. I just need to drop off my son's lunch.

(CHUCKLING) He left it at home.

Hey, you sound familiar. Have you ever been banished?

Uh, oops. Sorry. Excuse me. We're just on our way...

-Tylor. -Oh. Dad?

You forgot your lunch, knucklehead.

Uh, oh. Thank you. Uh, see you later. Come on, Dad.

Huh? "Dad"?

Uh, oh, yeah, right. His nickname is Dad. (CHUCKLES)

Weird. See you later, Dad.

All right, come on, let's go. Dad?

Uh... Daddy? Dad!

Tuskmon, shouldn't you be on the Laugh Floor?

Just a little problem. Just fixing a little problem. (STUTTERS)

I'll be right back.

-Needleman, Smitty. Have you guys seen... -Santa?

-No, not Santa. No. -See? I told you it wasn't Santa.

-It was just some tall, white, furry guy. -Uh, furry guy. Right. Where'd he go?

-(GASPS) -Mike's got another parking ticket.

I enjoy reading unopened mail.

Makes me feel like I have actual friends.

Oh, yeah, no, that's very interesting, and most likely illegal.

But, um, hey, look, I was thinking, random thought. Uh...

Mike and Sulley would love to have one of your famous snow cones, right?

-Am I right? -There's a good idea.

Yeah. Nothing says "Un-banish me"

like a cold snow cone on a hot day.

So, let's go. Let's keep it moving.

Okay, here we are. Here we are.

You, uh, comin' with me?

Oh. Uh, no, no. You go. Just you.

I'm gonna stay here.

Make sure nothing goes wrong with the, um, old door, so...

Oh. Yeah, yeah. Good thinking.

ROZE: So you wanna know why this Abominable was banished?

I searched all the files, but everything of Waternoose's was wiped clean.

And since Roz knew everything that went on here,

and she was number one, I thought I'd come to... number two?

Hmm...

ADORABLE: Yaks mostly eat grass and wildflowers,

and some people think they have four stomachs.

But they really have one stomach with four compartments.

-Really? -And the milk... Delicious.

But you know what really gets the taste buds hoppin'?

-Mm... -Yak yogurt.

Okay, could you just stop with the yak yakking yak? Okay? Please?

Today was my big chance to be a jokester.

"Jokester"? What's a jokester?

That's right. You don't... (SIGHS)

It's laugh power now. No more scare power.

-Really? -I was gonna be a Scarer,

but now my only chance to get on that floor is to make a kid laugh.

Yeah, I know how you feel, kid.

But when life throws you a snowball, make snow cones.

Okay. Back in you go.

Hey, thanks for lettin' us down.

(SCREAMS) If you're gonna eat someone, eat her first.

Don't know who put this snare here, but watch your step.

That's a safety hazard.

Okay, you should really get going now, all right?

You go get those snow cones, all right? For Mike and Sulley.

And you.

You need to get to that Laugh Floor, future jokester.

You know,

it's really nice.

Nice?

Nice havin' someone that's got your back.

Tylor, you're a good friend.

Well, back where he belongs, and good riddance.

What?

If you have something to say, say it.

I didn't think so.

-VAL: (GASPS) Double T. -Val, I... I gotta go.

I found out why he was banished.

-No. -He didn't eat Dale, or steal cars,

-or drink screams. He never hurt anybody. -(SIGHS)

I don't understand. Then why was he be banished?

He saw a letter from Waternoose

about plans for a machine that would extract screams from kids.

Oh. He knew about the Scream Extractor.

After that, Waternoose banished him for life.

But he just wanted a friend.

MIKE: Hey, Tylor, get in here.

We've just about met the power demand, and you're not even on the board.

The kid loved it. You should have heard him laugh.

Who knew Carla and that liquid-emitting flora was so funny? (CHUCKLES)

-I love surprises. -I, uh...

I gotta go.

Mr. Tuskmon, you're good to go.

Uh...

Sorry.

Here.

Uh-oh. Sulley, this door looks very familiar.

-Snow cones for everybody! -We've got lemon and lingonberry.

And zero-calorie snow-flavored.

Adorable, what are you doing here?

Perfect timing. Yum!

With this heat, I could sure use a snow cone.

Guys, it's been years.

We were in your cave a month ago.

Yeah, but it's that's a long time in Yeti years.

Snow cone?

What a way to cool off.

Mmm.

(LISPING) And these lemon ones, they're a little tart.

Makes my mouth feel funny.

Yeah, it was all my friend Tylor's idea.

Um, Sulley, Mike, I feel like Adorable here has been banished long enough.

More like unjustly banished by Waternoose for discovering the Scream Extractor.

Scream Extractor? (SCOFFS)

-No wonder he wanted to get rid of you. -(MIKE SMACKS LIPS)

(LISPING) You shouldn't have been banished but rewarded.

You're right, Mike.

Adorable, now that I'm CEO of Monsters Incorporated,

I hereby un-banish you.

You hear that? Officially un-banished.

-Whoo-hoo! Yes! -And no more mail room for you.

You're getting a promotion as...

Official snow cone seller of Monsters Incorporated.

-I'll have lemon. -Make that two.

-There you go. -Congratulations, Carla.

I'll see ya and your funny flower tomorrow on the Laugh Floor.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, sorry you missed your chance.

Eh, I'll get another one. It's me, remember?

Besides, when life throws you a snowball,

you make a snow cone.

Okay, today we're going to discuss the most crucial component of a joke.

In the business, it's known as the...

Kaitlyn... (CHUCKLES) You need to wait until the...

No, no, we discussed this...

In rehearsal. (CLEARS THROAT)

Please don't... (IMITATES PERCUSSIVE STING)

Until we... Until we get...

Until we get to the punch line!

This is where the giant boxing glove is supposed...

(GROANS) Now, Kaitlyn. Now!

ADORABLE: Say, did you hear the one about the monster

who walked into the doctor's office with a yak on his back?

The doctor says, "What's wrong?"

And the monster says, "I think I've got a yak problem."

-(PERCUSSIVE STING) -ADORABLE: Thanks, Kaitlyn!