Original subtitles

DUNCAN: "It's laughter we're after"?

That's the best college boy could come up with?

No, no, no.

I can do better. Okay. Okay.

How about, "Making kids laugh

"is the contractual responsibility of our staff"?

I got a better one for ya, four eyes. How about this?

"Laughter lights up your life

"like an oxyacetylene blowtorch with a multi-flame tip." Ow!

Thank you. You're welcome.

Mom, you didn't need to drive me. I could've walked.

I wanted to make sure your second day started better.

-I know, I get it. It's okay. Stop it. -Just hold on a second. Here we go.

-Stop! Mom... -That's my little baby behemoth.

I've got a plan. Comedy class on my lunch breaks,

and I'm gonna get on that Laugh Floor.

This whole crazy MIFT thing is just a temporary nightmare. Okay?

The Monsters Inc. Facilities Team?

They can't be as weird as you said they were.

-Mom, I... -FRITZ: MIFTer! MIFTer!

What's that I hear? Oh, it's the call of the fledgling MIFTer.

-Oh, boy. -VAL: What's up, MIFToid?

MIFTonian. MIFTied. MIFTerone.

-Yeah, we get it. -And who is this lovely lady?

Thank you. That's enough. We get it.

You didn't tell me you had a sister.

It's my mom.

-Enchanté, Tylor's very sister-like Mom. -

Mama Tuskmon? So nice to meet you.

I'm Val, Tylor's old college buddy and new BFF.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-This is Val. This is Fritz. -Enchanté.

Everyone's met. We're good. And you know what?

Why don't I just see you guys inside?

Oh, you bet you're gonna see us inside.

Why are you blinking?

That was a wink

because of the subtext of what comes next inside.

Wink-wink.

MIFTer! MIFTer!

Okay, I'll admit it. They're weird.

Hey, guys, that thing out front just now with the winking and the blinking,

bird calls, the super weird vibe with my mom...

Hello?

Hello? Anybody?

FRITZ: MIFTer!

MIFTer!

MIFTer!

MIFTer!

Hello?

FRITZ: Young neophyte Handy of duct tape

Swift of repair I welcome you to MIFT

Yes, MIFT.

Since the day Monsters Incorporated was founded,

there was a need, a need for monsters behind the monsters.

The unsung heroes.

ALL: M-I-F-T.

If a part breaks, we fix it.

If a machine needs maintenance, we maintain it.

This elite squad of polished professionals,

each of them an expert in their fields.

They are the girdles...

-"Girdles"? -Girders.

-Griddles... -"Griddles"?

...upon which the factory stands.

And it's a very big factory.

Sorry, I'm not sure I...

But before we proceed, a few last words from our initiate.

Oh, oh.

This is an initiation ceremony.

Hey, guys, this is all just temporary. So...

-So you're leaving? -In a cardboard tube, most likely.

Just like Rodney after that hydraulic press incident.

Flat Rodney.

-VAL: Coming through! -FRITZ: Behold,

you will now signify your readiness for everlasting membership.

-"Everlasting"? -VAL: Yeah!

Your first sacred tool.

Ah, that's where I left it.

-Tylor, I beseech you, wrench the nut. -Uh...

-Wrench the nut. -ALL: Wrench the nut.

What kind of nut are we talking about? 'Cause I have an allergy.

-FRITZ: Wrench the nut. -I don't...

No, no nuts. I don't want...

I want nothing to do with this nut.

ALL: Wrench the nut.

Okay, fine, fine, fine.

I'll wrench the nut.

-ALL: Wrench the nut. -TYLOR: Okay.

ALL: Wrench the nut. Wrench the nut.

-Uh... -FRITZ: Wrench...

CUTTER: Uh-oh.

Good enough.

You have now endured the ordeal of the nut,

and you will cross over into MIFThood.

-I don't wanna cross anything. -Young tenderfoot,

cross through the door of eternal membership.

"Eternal." No, that sounds long.

Guided by the candle of infinite commitment

and be cleansed

-by the flames of no return! -"Flames"?

I love this part!

We used to use real flames.

Until Carl took a misstep to the right.

Lit up like the sun.

Catastrophic, yet beautiful.

This is crazy, okay? Your ceremony is crazy.

As long as we're throwing out crazy ideas,

I got one for you guys. I'm gonna leave.

You're on your way to a lifelong membership in MIFT.

-No! No! No! -FRITZ: Do not feel unworthy!

Cross through the door!

-ALL: Cross through the door! -I don't wanna do this.

No, no. No "door." No "cross." No! No "eternal."

Cross over and become...

One of us!

FRITZ: Oh, another power outage.

And just when it was getting good.

This keeps happening.

That's the second power outage today, Sulley.

All the jokesters we have are working multiple shifts.

You got this, Phlegm!

Have a seat. How you doing, champ?

Rinse! Swish!

I tell ya, you're a comedy tank. Comedy tank!

When it comes to humor, you throw no punch lines, Mr. Wazowski.

Spit! You throw no punch lines!

Now let's get you out there for the next round.

You've been at this 18 hours straight.

-You need to take a break. -Ah! "A break"?

Sulley, I am personally powering Monstropolis.

First place, second place... fourth place?

Uh, that Lanky and his spinning bowtie.

We'll see who gets the last laugh, Lanky.

Mike, you need to relax. Let the others handle it for a while.

I'm fine. I gotta keep the kids laughing.

I got a gift, Sulley.

You do not hide a gift like mine

from my tiny, adoring friends.

If you're gonna keep the kids laughing,

we'd better get you some coffee.

Okay.

Creamer, sugar.

Sugars. Creamers, stir sticks. No stir sticks.

Where is it?

There you go. That'll help.

Yeah, that's horrible.

Tastes like someone's finger.

Uh. That's weird.

Well, thanks, Sulley.

-ROZE: Wazowski! -

Better not fall asleep in your comedy class.

That's right. I'm teaching comedy class at lunch.

Mike, you can't keep going like this.

Actually, he can, Mr. Sullivan,

with a little something called 36 1/2 Hour Energy drink.

Yeah. Me and Needleman drink two of those

when we run out of our 73 Hour Energy drink.

It's twice as good as the 18 1/4 Hour Energy drink.

Yeah? I don't know.

Thirty-six-and-a-half hours sounds like a lot of energy for such a little...

Wow.

And now, the moment you've been waiting for.

-Haven't been waiting. -Tylor, this is your desk.

-Lucky. -Isn't this your break table?

-This table... -Which is everybody's table.

...will double as your very own desk.

And what desk wouldn't be complete

-without your very own nameplate? -Yes!

-You get... -Complimentary Drooler Cooler.

Real drool in every drop.

-"I gift MIFT" coffee mug. -VAL: That used to be mine.

-A picture of yourself. -And me.

Is this from a security camera?

-And last but not least... -VAL: Not least.

...your ceremonial sacred wrench engraved...

-I engraved it. -...with the name of our newest member.

-Welcome, Tylor! -One of us!

I mean, you really shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.

I am not going to be here that long.

Oh. I like the sound of that.

-Do you like it, Roto? -

Roto doesn't trust it. Therefore, I don't trust it.

-Oh. Oh. Uh...

Is he even allowed to have pets at work?

"Pet"? He's my emotional support animal.

It's a medical condition.

Now, you wait here, Tylor, 'cause we have one more surprise.

-You're gonna love it. -CUTTER: L-U-C-K-Y.

Uh-huh. Meanwhile, I'll get ol' young Tylor here

set up with some canister refurbishments.

All right, pretty boy. Here's a type A-188 series B canister.

The screen valve's about to experience a catastrophic failure in 23 seconds.

-Here's the manual. Go. - Okay...

Fifteen seconds!

"Flow valve, F-4." No, no. Forget it.

-Five seconds! -There's gotta... No. No, no, no.

Oh!

Get down! Get down!

Well, time for lunch.

Fritz sure will be disappointed.

You really messed that up.

I'll tell you what's messed up.

You trying to kill me, okay?

You guys are the ones who are messed up.

I'm going to comedy class. Crazy MIFTers.

MIFTonians. MIFTies.

MIFTamacallits. MIFTouts.

Uh... Push?

MIFTfits.

-Piñata time, piñata time, olé! -Piñata time, piñata time, olé!

-Hey. -What happened?

Duncan, what did you do?

Whoa. Don't listen to him, okay?

He's exaggerating. I didn't try to kill him.

The rookie couldn't change a simple valve.

Where did he go?

He said something about a comedy class.

-I don't keep his schedule. -Comedy class?

He didn't say anything about a comedy class.

I don't understand.

I tried so hard to make him feel welcome here.

I gave him a desk, a nameplate, and look,

he never even drank his Drooler Cooler.

Sad sigh.

Welcome to Mike's very first class on comedy.

I'm Mike. Hello.

It's my class, on comedy. Before we get started,

I'd like to say a few words about my comedy journey.

I was born in a tiny hamlet...

I have got to get onto that Laugh Floor.

Yeah, can't happen soon enough.

Tell me about it. They stuck me down with the MIFT lunatics.

Huh. Brutal.

Yeah. "Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team."

I've yet to see them fix anything.

I'm surprised this place is still standing.

Sooner I get away from those guys, the better.

Tylor. Tylor.

-Tylor! Hey! -No. Stop it!

Ty-Ty! Hi!

What are you doing here?

-You forgot your Drooler Cooler. -And us.

So, I insisted we all bring it to you.

Aren't we lucky?

Ah! More students. Hello! Take a seat.

Hey, thanks! So, when you say "take a seat,"

does that mean I have to return it?

Ha! You see what I did there?

My first joke. Wow.

Mr. W, the class really works.

Don't quit your day job.

We'll be chatting about my Ten Rules of Comedy. Ready?

"Punch line does not mean actually punching somebody."

I joined the improv group at MU, Monsters of Comedy.

-You were in it? -Nope.

They did this thing, "Yes, and..."

where you have to say, "Yes, and..."

They asked for 50 bucks and I said, "Yes, and..."

"Hundred bucks?" "Yes, and..." "Two hundred bucks?" "Yes, and..."

-It was a very expensive class. -MIKE: That's it for me.

Got through quicker than I thought.

Here's Ms. Flint to share comedy data.

Back to the Laugh Floor.

"Comedy theory. It's no laughing matter."

Another power outage?

Don't you worry, schmoopsie-poo. Your power ball of comedy is back.

Perfect timing, Fungus.

With these power outages, I don't think it's safe.

Out of my way.

I got 35 and three-quarter hours left on my energy drink.

-I don't think you should! -I'm going in!

Reset, reset, reset!

Oh, that's not working.

We've got a 13-20. A 13-20!

-Googly bear's trapped! -

MISS FLINT: Comedy is not just about laughter.

It's also about rules, categories, and acronyms.

Any questions?

Oh.

-Interesting insight. -

Attention, please. We have a 13-20.

I need MIFT to report to Laugh Floor F-station-five.

13-20. A monster is trapped.

-Duncan, grab Cutter. -Got it.

-Val, gear up! -Gearing up.

-Tylor, you're with us. Come on! -Me? Yeah, there's nothing...

Tylor, you are with us. Come on!

MISS FLINT: Actually, Banana Bread, is it?

-Could you stay behind for a moment? -

-Who's trapped? -It's Mike!

Come on, let's go.

We need to get power to this control panel.

-Val, generator. -Look out! Coming through!

-We need cable, stat. -Yes, sir.

-FRITZ: Cutter, bypass control. -You got it.

VAL: We got power!

DUNCAN: Back in business!

I spent my whole life trying to get my foot in the door.

Then I couldn't even get it...

Mike!

The control panel's fried. Cutter, open the pit.

CUTTER: Way ahead of you! Open in three, two, one.

-Duncan. Eyes down below. -Yep!

Backup system's shorted out.

Don't worry, googly bear, we're getting you down.

Switch to manual override.

-MIKE: Schmoopsie-poo! -

-CELIA: Oh. Mike... -SULLEY: Googly bear...

Duncan, reverse the conveyor track.

Reverse! Yes, sir.

It's rusted in place!

I can't turn it.

Duncan's arms are way too scrawny and far too weak.

-DUNCAN: I heard that. -Val?

Sorry, these puppies aren't long enough.

Oh, dear.

Of course. Tylor.

Me? No, no, no.

Get in there, champ, and wrench that nut.

Come on, big guy. Wrench the nut.

Wrench the nut!

Wrench the nut.

-Wrench the nut. -Wrench the nut.

Wrench the nut.

Wrench the nut.

Wrench the nut.

Wrench the nut.

MIKE: Whoo-hoo!

Ready. Now!

Another Laugh Canister...

...filled.

Only took him two hours

to burn through all thirty-six-and-a-half hours of energy.

Oh, let's just let him sleep.

Great job, MIFT. And thank you, Tylor.

No, no. It was a team effort, really. Really.

Well, they couldn't have done it without you.

You did it! You wrenched the heck out of that nut.

You finished your first job as a MIFTer.

-Yeah! -This calls for a celebration!

-First round of Drooler Coolers on me! -VAL: Oh, yeah.

-CUTTER: There you go.

You know what, guys? The second round's on... Banana Bread?

Hey, Double B. Come celebrate with your buddily bud-buds.

There won't be time for that.

Winchester here is needed on the Laugh Floor.

Whoa. Your name is Winchester?

Wait. What? Laugh Floor?

I was intrigued by Winchester's nuanced insight on comic theory.

So, on that hunch, I ran some tests

and, well, turns out, he's hilarious.

-

Seriously, save it for the kids.

Oh. My stomach hurts from laughing.

Way to go, Banana Bread.

Yep. There goes my free baked goods.

You think you know a guy, other than, of course, his real name.

But I guess for some people...

MIFT just isn't special enough.

But now, we've got Tylor.

Swift with the wrench I welcome you to your new desk

Temporary new desk. Not planning on staying.

Good ol' Double T.

I still have the piñata!

Piñata time!

Ooh. I'll take that action.

I'd like to bash the head first, if I may.

FRITZ: Piñata time!

VAL: Piñata time!

Yep. Weird.

Piñata time!

FRITZ: Piñata time!

While becoming a jokester makes kids laugh,

you'll have to be careful.

Otis, if you will.

Comedy can be dangerous, my friends I'll tell you why

When kids laugh and giggle They could split a gut

With a chortle, they could crack up Beware, there is the chance

You could make a kid laugh so hard They'd pee their pants

Fall out of bed, hit their head While rolling on the floor

Their bodies shake, sides will ache They'll laugh until they're sore

There's a funny bone, a danger zone Someplace no one knows

If you hit that zone, hold the phone Milk shoots out their nose

Kids are fragile Careful not to scoff

Your joke can make Their heads and butts fall off

Jokes and gags hit 'em hard With punch lines, so I've read

You could leave a kid in stitches Or even knock 'em dead

-Knock-knock. -Who's there?

-Police. -Police, who?

Police end this song.

VAL: Whoo-hoo! You watched all the credits.

That makes you a true MIFTer!

FRITZ: MIFTer!