Original subtitles

GILES: Previously:

I know you never loved me. I know that I'm a monster.

But you treat me like a man.

SPIKE: "So they sent the key to her in the form of a sister."

You were created to open the gates that separate dimensions.

The little girl, the key. Destroy it, and the will of the beast will be broken.

I have to jump. It'll kill you.

Look at what's happening.

No. Dawnie, I have to.

BUFFY: Be brave. Live.

For me.

SPIKE: Come on!

We're never gonna get anything killed with you lot holding me back.

I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily.

No, that's over-the-hill shopkeepers.

I'm fine.

I just need to die for a minute.

WILLOW: Guys, heads up!

The vampire's circling back towards you, 6:00.

Try to drive him towards the Van Elton crypt.

-Van Elton? -Is that the one with the cute little gargoyle?

WILLOW: Left! Make him go left!

Well, how?

Big, fast and dumb. Just the way I like 'em.

Sounds like the units are engaged.

WILLOW: Xander, Anya, stop!

Great googly moogly, Willow. Would you quit doing that?

-I told you I was gonna get a lay of the land. -But not the lay of my brain.

It's kind of intrusive. You could knock first or something.

-Xander-- -I know, I know.

I don't have to talk when I answer you.

But I saw The Fury, and that way lies spooky carnival death.

WILLOW: Xander, vampire, other side of that tomb.

You can get the jump on him if you go the other way.

Why didn't you just say so?

WILLOW: Tara, down!

(grunting)

Spike! (gasping)

Spike!

What are you doing? Help him.

I did.

(coughing)

You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me.

Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes?

Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea?

WILLOW: Guys, help Xander and Anya over by the Anderson tomb.

ANYA: Xander!

BUFFY: I got it!

That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!

What's with the Dadaism, Red?

Yeah, she says that pie thing every time she stakes a vamp now.

I don't know. I was trying to program in some new puns,

and I kind of ended up with word salad.

I think it's funny.

It's a glitch. I'll fix it.

We just can't have her messing up in front of the wrong person...

or the wrong thing.

We need the world and the underworld...

to believe that Buffy is alive and well.

And I will, therefore, fix it. I got her head back on, didn't I?

And I got her off those knock-knock jokes.

Oh, who's there?

You know, if we want her to be exactly--

She'll never be exactly.

I know.

The only really real Buffy is really Buffy.

And she's gone.

If we want her to be exactly-- She'll never be exactly. I know.

The only really real Buffy is really Buffy, and she's gone who?

(theme music plays)

WILLOW: Where's my clog?

I think there's a clog-eating monster under the bed.

It's really those lesser-known monsters...

that make living in Sunnydale so hard.

I believe that that is a Dawn monster.

She borrowed them yesterday.

Dawnie?

Hey, you up?

You doing okay?

Besides terror about today and a general feeling of impending doom? Swell.

Breakfast will make all things better.

Ooh. Pancakes could go in bellies.

Dawnie? Hey, you.

Today's the big day, huh?

Kind of day that makes you wanna return clogs, don't you think?

(muffled) I didn't take your clogs.

-Morning. -Morning.

I was thinking we could go over your programming again.

Again? You've done enough, sweetie.

She's either ready to face this thing or she's not.

Oh. Um, here's some juice, and pancakes are on the way. Funny shapes or rounds?

Rounds are fine. Uh, what's up with the mega-witches?

I don't know if you could call us "mega." Willow, maybe--

No, I mean, who's gonna eat all that?

Oh! Oops. Um, she wanted to help.

And I got her started, but then I forgot to unstart.

House of chicks, relax. I'm a man, and I have a tool.

(door closes)

Tools. Lots of plural tools...

in my, uh, toolbox.

Ah! Sandwiches. Excellent.

-Men like sandwiches. -Help yourself, really.

So what brings you so early, Your Macho-ness?

Brought that soldering wire you wanted for Buffybot's tune-up.

You got funny shapes anyway. Sorry.

-(telephone ringing) -I'll get it!

ALL: No!

-Um, it could be my dad.

He said he'd call today.

BUFFYBOT: I'll just say hello.

He's my biological ancestor.

Hello? Hey, Anya.

Really? That's fantastic!

Anya found that thing for tonight.

Oh, yeah? Great.

And you're her sweet cookie-face.

I go by many names.

-What's tonight? -Oh, just a Scooby meeting. Spike'll be here with you.

WILLOW: You know, Buffy... bot,

maybe you should let the machine--

the other machine, answer the phone from now on. Okay?

Is my phone manner not correct?

It-It's perfect. It's just we can't take the chance...

that Mr. Summers might talk to you and know something's wrong.

If he thought the real Buffy was gone,

he could take Dawn away.

DAWN: And I want to stay here...

with you and Willow and Tara.

-Understand? -I do.

I want you to stay here as well. You're my sister.

So, excellent. We're agreed.

Sit your robo-self down so we can get to work.

We need to fix up those fighting skills pronto.

Actually, we have bigger worries than her fighting skills today.

-Way bigger. -I guess.

Depends on how highly you prize punning.

WILLOW: I'm serious, Xander.

Buffybot is about to face her most dangerous challenge ever.

(bell ringing)

As you can see, we provide the best in progressive learning,

but we can't teach your children unless you do.

As parents, you have a responsibility...

to create the right attitude...

to teach your child what school can mean.

Ms. Summers?

School is where you learn.

Exactly. Parents let kids focus on school...

as a social experience rather than a learning experience.

We want you to get your kids just as excited about education...

as they are about the lunch hour.

I helped make lunch today.

-Oh. -Yes, before school.

Peanut butter and jelly. I don't eat, but Dawn takes one every day.

Tell me about it. My kid's been brown-bagging it...

even though I paid for the lunch program.

It's true. Something has to be done about the quality of the food.

(voices overlapping)

Anya, this register report for January looks a bit off.

Pull the files again.

Are you mad at me?

-Mad? No, I'm-I'm-- -Well, then why are you torturing me?

You know, I used to punish people like this when I was a demon.

I made them double-check spreadsheets for all eternity.

I'm sorry if you resent my thoroughness,

but I won't be comfortable leaving here until I know that absolutely--

You're taking the Ramadan effigy?

It's not inventory. It's my personal collection.

Oh, huh. Aren't you Mr. Dicey Semantics?

So, what? You think you can just take anything you want?

-Give it! -No, you give it!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Okay, when I'm marveling at the immaturity, be scared.

Anya, Giles is gonna leave the store to you when he goes.

What more do you want?

I'm not leaving the store to anyone.

I'm going to England. I'm not dead. I'm still a partner.

A silent overseas partner.

Who you should be very nice to unless you want to end up working at Video Hut.

What are you doing? What kind of gratitude is that?

I know.

It's just... he keeps saying he's going, and then he doesn't.

And I keep almost being in charge, but then I'm not.

And maybe he shouldn't even be going at all.

But we can't talk about that, and it all just leaves me...

with this stress and bossiness stored up, and it just leaks out.

Just give it time, An. This is hard for all of us.

Just be patient.

I was being patient, but it took too long.

I mean, I-- I miss Buffy.

I do, but life shouldn't just stop because she's gone.

I'm sick of waiting to take over here,

and I'm sick of waiting to tell everyone about us.

We've talked about this.

We can't announce our engagement while things are so up in the air.

Why not? It's happy news.

Happy news in hard times is a good thing.

It is. But let's just hold on.

We'll know more after we talk to Willow and Tara tonight.

Fine. Whatever. Just remember that...

this whole marriage thing was your stupid idea.

I didn't ask to be all crazy.

So my homeroom teacher, Ms. Lefcourt, was, like,

"Your sister's an example to us all."

(chuckles) She wanted to make it National Buffy Day.

-Makes sense. -It does?

Yeah, she responded to Buffybot because a robot is predictable.

It's boring. A perfect teacher's pet.

That's all schools are, you know.

Just factories spewing out mindless little automatons...

who go on to be very valuable...

and productive members of society, and you should go...

because Buffy would want you to.

Check. One mindless automaton coming up.

So, uh, what do you fancy, bit? A game of rummy?

Well, um, Willow and Tara said they'd be back early.

You don't really have to hang. I mean, if you're bored.

I'm not, and, yeah, I do.

But I'm fine alone. It's not like anyone's coming after me.

I'm not the key.

Or if I am, I don't open anything anymore.

It's over. Remember?

I'm not leaving you here by yourself, so forget it.

-Well, I'm just saying-- -(slams table)

No.

I'm not leaving you to get hurt.

Not again.

Aah! (sobbing)

BUFFYBOT: Don't be scared.

-I'm going to kill him. -Slayer!

You can run away now.

Not you!

(electrical crackling)

You're-- You're-- You're a machine!

Thank you! Stop!

Vampires, beware. (electrical whirring)

TARA: The Urn of Osiris.

You really found it.

ANYA: Yeah.

It wasn't easy. I went through every supplier the Magic Box has.

You used a Magic Box supplier?

What if Giles finds out?

He's too busy not leaving to pay attention to me.

Besides, I ended up getting it on eBay.

You found the last known Urn of Osiris on eBay?

Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo.

He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in

a limited edition Backstreet Boys lunch box for--

(Xander coughs)

A friend.

See you got your somber on, Wil. Is the urn not up to spec?

It's the one, which means it's time.

It's time? Like, "time" time?

With the... timeliness?

Are you sure?

I am.

TARA: Mercury's in retrograde,

and we have--

Do we have everything?

Just about.

But why the sudden rushy-rush? I mean, did the bot blow her cover at school?

TARA: No, she did great. She impressed all the teachers.

And they still thought it was Buffy?

-Tomorrow night, we'll meet back here. -Whoa!

Let's apply the brakes and check the rear and side-view mirrors here.

This is deep stuff, Willow.

We're talking about raising the dead.

It's time we stopped talking.

Tomorrow night, we're bringing Buffy back.

Tomorrow?

I don't know.

Discovery Channel has monkeys, and our tape machine's all wonky.

Guys, I need you onboard here.

It's just-- It feels wrong.

TARA: It is wrong.

It's against all the laws of nature...

and practically impossible to do, but it's what we agreed to.

If-If you guys are changing your minds--

Nobody's changing their minds, period.

Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group?

-You did. -You said Willow should be boss.

And then you said let's vote, and it was unanimous.

And you made her this little plaque that said "Boss of Us,"

and you put little sparkles on it and--

Valid points all.

But we-- I mean--

We were just talking then.

Xander, I can do this. I promise.

But not without you.

Should we maybe tell Giles? You know, now that we're really ready.

It's not like he's going anywhere... ever.

No. No one else can know.

Not Giles, not Spike, not Dawn.

They might not understand.

What if something does go wrong?

I'm telling you-- it won't.

XANDER: Scenario--

We raise Buffy from the grave.

She tries to eat our brains.

Do we, "A," congratulate ourselves on a job well-done--

Xander, this isn't zombies.

And zombies don't eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie masters.

A lot of people get that wrong.

This isn't like Dawn trying to bring Mrs. Summers back

or anything we've dealt with before.

Buffy didn't die a natural death.

She was killed by mystical energy.

Which means we do have a shot.

It means more than that.

It means we don't know where she really is.

We saw her body, Wil.

We buried it.

Her body, yeah.

But her soul? Her essence?

I mean, that could be somewhere else. She could be trapped

in some sort of hell dimension like Angel was,

suffering eternal torment just because she saved us.

And I'm not gonna let her--

I'm not gonna leave her there.

It's Buffy.

What time do we meet?

-Willow! -What happened? Where's Dawn?

Upstairs in bed. But the bot here...

seems to have got into a scrape while she was on patrol.

I think my feet are broken.

Looks more like a short in the navigational system.

Can you get me a flashlight? It's in the, uh, kitchen.

She wanted to go out and look for you again,

but I figured there were enough things in Sunnydale that go bump in the night.

Good thinking.

But my homing device locates you when I'm injured. I am programmed to go to you.

Right, I know. Still, I think just this once...

it was a good idea to stay put.

Spike was right.

BUFFYBOT: Sorry I questioned you, Spike.

You know I admire your brain almost as much as your washboard abs.

-I told you to make her stop doing that. -I did.

I mean, I thought I got all that stuff out of the program.

Well, you've got her opened up. Fix it.

Sure. I mean, I have a lot of work here, but I'll see what I can do.

Can you shine the flashlight right here?

Spike?

Did I say something wrong?

No. It's not your fault.

I think Spike stopped liking me.

That's not true. He thinks you're swell.

Then how come he never looks at me anymore? Even when he's talking to me.

He just gets cranky, the way vampires do.

Now just relax. I am gonna make you good as new.

I promise.

That was splendid. Now, try it again. (panting)

Only this time, remember your breathing.

(inhales, exhales deeply)

No, that's good, but, uh,

think of the breath as chi, air as a life source.

I don't require oxygen to live.

Of course, strictly speaking, but--

Uh, Maybe you should stick to the standard drill.

You know, you don't want her to blow another gasket.

I'm testing her responses after her injury.

I see no harm in imparting a little Eastern philosophy.

Well, I just think that the concept of chi...

might be a little, you know, hard for her to grasp.

You know, she's not the descendant...

of a long line of mystical warriors.

She's the descendant of a toaster oven.

Yes, well, I appreciate your input, Anya,

but I think Buffybot has responded nicely to our sessions.

Well, you're the boss.

Still.

(sighs)

Would you like to test me again?

(door closes)

No. Perhaps we should call it a day.

Your-- Your responses are fine.

Well, perhaps Anya's right.

Perhaps I am trying to teach you as if you were a--

Human?

-Yes. -I like your teachings.

Every Slayer needs her Watcher.

I'm not so sure about that.

-What do you mean? -Nothing.

I just can't help but wonder if...

she would have been better off without me-- Buffy.

I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her.

Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher.

I did what any good Watcher would do--

got my Slayer killed in the line of duty.

-Oh, that wasn't your fault. -Of course not.

That's how all Slayer/Watcher relationships end, isn't it?

She's gone. I did my job.

Then why are you still here?

(rock music plays)

So I got her cornered in this alley, see?

You got the Slayer cornered?

Yeah. I figured it's my duty.

She's a menace to our society.

So we fight, and I'm, like, boom, boom, boom!

And I got her on the ropes-- (gasping)

You're lying to me.

I swear on all that's unholy. You haven't even heard the best part.

I cut her, right? And she's--

I don't know, some kind of machine.

She's not human.

Hey, hey, hey!

What's with the blood rat?

Talk!

Okay.

Uh, so, I was over in Sunnydale,

minding my own beeswax, when I see the Slayer--

The part about the robot.

We fought, right?

And I was, like, all over her. Boom! Boom!

He says the Slayer's been replaced...

by some kind of machine.

A robot, yeah. And I kicked her synthetic ass.

You should have seen the sparks.

You telling me there's no Slayer in Sunnydale?

That's what I'm saying. They got some kind of decoy standing in for her.

Town is wide open.

Nowhere like the Hellmouth for a party.

There's all kinds of bad in that place.

(all chuckling)

I guess with your muscle, you could own it in no time.

Hey, look...

I know you guys don't usually let vampires join the gang,

and I got the whole sunlight issue.

But I was thinking, you know. As thanks for the 4-1-1,

you could let me throw in with you-- (groans)

I'll think it over.

Let's ride! (all shout in agreement)

(indistinct metal music)

(Willow chanting in foreign language)

(chanting continues)

The gods do command thee from thy majesty.

(chanting continues)

Come forward, blessed one. Know your calling.

Come forward, blessed one.

Accept our humble gratitude for your offering.

In death,

you give life.

May you find wings to the kingdom.

TARA: Hey. You're late.

Oh. I, uh, had to get that thing.

Giles isn't around. You can dump the cryptic.

The last spell ingredient.

Okay, right. What is vino de madre anyway?

Wine of the mother. Kind of black market stuff.

Black market? You didn't tell me that.

You shouldn't have gone alone. It could have been dangerous.

Sorry. I didn't-- I was careful.

Well, it must be something pretty intense.

The black market's all baby teeth and spooky fluids.

All I know is we have to have it to finish the spell, so...

it's good stuff in my book.

How come you guys are here, anyway?

I thought we weren't gonna meet till later.

Uh, well, we weren't.

It just felt weird hanging out on our own.

It's better if we stay together.

Ah, you got butterflies, baby?

More like bats.

Y-You wanna look at the money?

I find it always calms me.

That's okay. Thanks.

Baby, tell those bats that everything is gonna be all right.

I promise. We couldn't be more prepared.

I know. I just wish it was time.

I can't stand worrying about it anymore.

Well, it's your lucky day then. I have something that will distract you.

WILLOW: What?

"I've gone.

"Not one for good-byes, I thought it best to slip out quietly.

"Love to you all, Giles."

WILLOW: You really think we'd let you get away with that?

I was trying to avoid a scene, really.

Like we'd make a scene.

Not you. Me.

Um-- We, uh, brought you some lovely parting gifts.

Get it? Apple pie?

A-And a monster, sort of a Sunnydale souvenir, we thought.

Grr! Arrgh!

We got your presents at the gas station.

We were kind of in a hurry.

Um, we made this in the car.

It's why the letters are all shaky.

GILES: This is, uh,

impossible, really.

We just wanted you to know that we'll miss you.

We'll be okay.

We'll miss you, but we'll be okay.

I'll take really good care of your money.

(clears throat) Yes, I have no doubt.

WOMAN OVER P.A.: Attention passengers, Flight 3982,

leaving for Los Angeles and continuing to London, rows 20 through 30--

That's me.

WILLOW: Now?

-We just made it. -Just, yes.

Well, look, if we're gonna do this, let's do it properly.

I'm just a phone call away...

if you need anything.

You must promise me.

I do. I promise.

Willow, I don't know where to start.

Well, maybe you shouldn't.

I'm trying to be stiff-upper-lippy.

Right, right.

Well, you should get going. Don't you have a life or something?

Um, I suppose that's the question, really.

Just, uh,

be careful, please.

WILLOW: What's he gonna do over there by himself?

I mean, he never talks about people from England.

What if he's lonely?

TARA: He won't be lonely.

He used to live there before, remember?

And I'm sure we'll talk to him all the time, right?

It's not like he's--

We'll call him tomorrow, how about that? See how his flight was. Yeah?

Can you believe the timing? I mean, he's leaving...

right when we're ready to... do the thing tonight.

I know. I had hoped we'd figure it out before he, uh, he left.

Maybe we should have told him. I mean, what if it works?

He'll come back.

We should get Dawn home. I want to go over everything one more time.

Nothing can go wrong tonight.

(lighter clicking)

WILLOW: Does everybody have their candles?

ANYA: I'm trying. My lighter won't stay lit.

TARA: Well, hurry. It has to--

WILLOW: What time is it?

A minute till midnight.

Come on, Anya. Do you have it?

I got it. I got it. I got it.

Okay, start the circle now.

Osiris, keeper of the gate,

master of all fate, hear us.

Before time and after,

before knowing and nothing.

Accept our offering.

Know our prayer.

-Willow! -No!

She told me she'd be tested. This-- This is what's supposed to happen.

Osiris,

here lies the warrior of the people.

Let her cross over.

(gasping)

TARA: Willow?

-She needs help. -Xander, she's strong.

She said not to stop, no matter what.

If we break the cycle now, it's over.

(motorcycle engines revving)

Oh, God. What is that noise?

(screaming, shouting)

(panting)

Osiris, let her cross over. (groaning)

XANDER: Willow!

TARA: Willow? Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

It's a test. It's a test.

Willow.

That doesn't belong to you.

-Put it back. -(screeching)

Slayer. I've been hearing interesting things about you.

Yes. I am interesting.

These your friends?

They're my boys, yeah.

Good. Now tell them to get back on their loud bicycles...

and go back wherever they came from.

Or what, you'll electrocute us?

Hold her!

(groans)

You're nothing but a toy,

a pretty toy.

Wanna play? (groans)

I would, but you've injured me. I have to return to Willow.

Get her!

Stop her!

Ride!

(panting)

Osiris, release her.

Willow, I need service.

(motorcycles revving) -Oh!

(gasps)

TARA: Willow!

(screaming) No!

Willow! (gasps)

Look what I found!

(gasping)

XANDER: Take off! Go! Go!

TARA: Anya!

(incants spell)

Willow.

Willow. Are you okay?

Did it work?

I'm sorry.

(gasping)

Grr! Arrgh!