Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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[ gentle theme playing ]

[ upbeat theme playing ]

What the hell are you doing here?

Give me those shoes. Hey, hey!

You didn't have to come in today.

I got 'til 11 o'clock. Give me my shoes.

Get yourself a cup of coffee, collect your thoughts.

No need to collect my goddamn thoughts.

This is not necessary, Steve. I can handle it myself.

Would you get back to the floor?

Hey, I'm just trying to help.

Screw you. Screw you.

Up your ass. Up your ass.

[ coins dropping into vending machine ]

[ mellow theme playing ]

Audrey, call Rasha.

Tell him we'll try to buy in 50,000 within range.

And I don't know if I can buy it all today.

Okay. He's not patient,

I can't get him his prices, you know?

Right, right.

Why don't you go home?

I don't need a psychotherapist.

Just be a clerk, okay?

Steve? Yeah?

I heard. I'm sorry.

Thanks.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

Graykirk's still ahead 3/4.

Sorry you have to go through this deal.

I'm in a daze, I'm telling you.

It's the worst. I know.

Stevie!

Hey!

Fifteen top.

Sell 5,000 right ahead.

10,000.

An 1/8 for 10,000.

1/8 and a quarter, 10,000.

[ trade floor shouting ]

Right, Steve, just sign right here.

Why are you doing this?

I'm cruel to you, right?

I'm mean to you. I make your life miserable.

Is that right?

I don't want to go through this again.

It doesn't make any sense to me.

What am I, a bad person? Come on, Steve.

No, I love this woman. She's throwing me out.

Does that make sense to you?

I'm asking you, does that make sense?

Come on.

Give me the pen.

I also don't understand

why she gets half my Knicks tickets.

I'm a little thick, I just don't get that.

One week you have them, the next week she has them.

She doesn't like basketball.

Who's Larry Bird, who's Magic Johnson?

If you want the tickets, you can have them.

I don't want the damn tickets.

This isn't about money.

What do you want from me? Just tell me what you want.

I come home late. What is that, a crime?

I don't answer questions while I'm reading the paper.

Well, I'm sorry,

I can't talk and read at the same time.

I'm not a ventriloquist.

Just sign it, please.

This marriage has really been over

since Judy went away to college.

Thank you.

Bye, Steve.

I'll walk you outside.

I'll talk to you tonight.

Thank you.

I'll call you later. I love your work.

STEVE: Are you going back to school?

I'm starting classes on Wednesday.

Good. I hope you enjoy it.

What are you studying?

I'm getting a degree in special education.

I'm going to teach deaf children.

You know, you're very smart.

If you want to help deaf children,

you could be a doctor.

I don't want to be a doctor. I want to teach.

You couldn't do that and stay with me?

You have to break up a marriage for this?

What marriage?

You left the house at 7 in the morning,

you didn't come home 'til the 11 o'clock news

which you watched.

You played tennis on Saturday, golf on Sunday.

What marriage are we talking about?

That was business. You know that.

The golf was with clients.

Oh, my mistake.

Look, I--

I'm gonna say goodbye here, all right?

Do you want to shake hands or what?

Yeah, sure.

Nice knowing you.

[ mellow theme playing ]

How was it?

Oh, could have been worse.

He could have bitten somebody.

Well, look, we're gonna celebrate.

Here.

Here's to your new life.

[ sobbing ]

What?

What if I'm making this incredible mistake?

What if I'm ruining my life and my daughter's?

She's grown up.

And so are you.

I've never lived alone before.

Ever.

I went right from college to marriage.

It's not so bad.

It can be fun.

And I think it would be good for you.

I mean, it's important to know how to be alone.

Oh, come on, give yourself a little time,

you're gonna meet somebody.

You'll fall in love.

Oh, yeah?

You've been divorced for two years.

All I keep hearing from you are these horror stories.

Don't be negative.

Now, come on, we've got to be scientific here.

I have this chart in my lab, and every time I do a sampling

of the male population, I plot him on "X" and "Y" axes.

I thought you did charts on mice.

I'm systematic,

mice on one side, men on the other.

Now, come on.

Here's to your new life.

Come on.

[ background conversation ]

What the hell am I? Some piece of garbage you throw away

when you're finished with it?

What the hell are you beating up on yourself for?

I'm not beating up on myself.

Maurice, where are those little pizza things?

On the way, Mr. Giardino. I'm starving here.

You see anybody coming with pizzas?

They're coming, 12 seconds.

They'll be here in-- here, $20,

Twelve seconds, starting now.I'm not hearing 12 minutes.

These guys are full of shit.

What's the rush? Relax, you'll live longer.

I'm beating up on myself 'cause I'm pissed.

Hey, hey, don't put that crap all over.

I'm not gonna eat that. This is yours, over here.

I get one piece?

Geez, you're a real pig.

No wonder she threw you out of the house.

Let me tell you something.

I've been a good husband. I don't deserve this.

You know how lucky you were?

Don't you remember what I went through

before Elvira let me go?

Stevie, it's all out there for you.

Blondes, brunettes,

but you can't walk around looking like that.

Like what?

You know who likes white facial hair?

Women who are sexually attracted to Santa Claus.

Touch it up a little, something.

Get some new clothes, get hip.

Hip? You said hip in 1942.

Yeah, well, they're saying it again,

but they ain't gonna say it about you

if you look like Father Christmas's older brother.

Maurice, bring me some more of these pizza things

only put it over here where he can't get at it

with his goddamn roach powder.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

Oh, 'scuse me, are you here

for Introduction to American Sign Language?

Yeah, could you help me?

I have an Education course scheduled at this hour.

Do you teach this class at any other time today?

No, no, no, I'm a student.

Oh, sorry.

[ background conversation ]

Hi.

ON TV: Holy cow!

Are you as confused as I am about these new tax laws?

Agghhh!

Thank goodness you can buy--

♪ Have more fun in bed Have more fun in bed ♪

--cribs, playpens and high chairs.

Carriages, strollers and don't forget our--

Holy cow!

♪ Come on in to Klein Sleep And have more fun in bed ♪

Klein Sleep sells more--

[ mellow theme playing ]

[ disco theme playing ]

Hi, how you doing?

Hi, how you doing?

My name is Steve. How about you?

Sybil.

STEVE: Sybil?

Classical name. I love the classics.

Can I buy you a drink?

It's gonna be a great evening.

So you follow basketball much?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, relax,

you're not a sports fan, that's all right.

It's okay.

You have a favorite author?

Huh?

You know it's possible I misread the signals.

I'm sorry. I'm not used to this, all right?

Tell you what, I think we're both a little nervous.

Hey!

Can I ask you something, why do you keep hitting me?

Why? You want to know why?

Why?

[ in male voice ]: This is why.

This is why.

Stop the cab!

Pull over by the water.

You're getting out.

STEVE: Why didn't you tell me you were male?

What did you expect me to do, blurt it out all at once?

STEVE: No, I don't think you should blurt it out.

I think you should hang a fuckin' sign around your neck.

What the hell is this?

Hey, what are you doing? Get back in the car.

Get out of here.

Get in the phone booth.

Aw, shit!

Oh, God. Take off your clothes

and leave the money in the pockets.

Okay, just relax. Take it easy.

Take it easy, all right.

Just leave me a quarter to make a phone call, all right?

Move! All right, okay.

Today!

All right, don't shoot, don't shoot.

All right. I never had my clothes stolen before

and I'm very nervous.

Hey, to hell with you and your problems.

Look what I've got to go through to earn a living.

I'm allergic to make-up,

my toes are getting deformed from wearing these shoes

and I got assholes like you trying to feel me up.

Believe me, that was a mistake.

Save it. Here.

I'll buy your shoes for a quarter.

[ coins dropping on ground ]

And the watch.

See, now, these, I didn't steal, heh?

I'm not as bad as you thought I was, heh?

No, you're a very decent guy, Sybil.

Don't call me Sybil.

What do you want from me? You got my clothes, all right?

Get out of here. Go!

Goddamn son of a bitch.

Come on, be home, be home.

[ phone ringing ]

Yeah? Mel, wake up!

I'm awake, I'm awake. What?

I got robbed. I'm underneath the Manhattan Bridge.

He took everything.

He got my clothes, he got my shoes, my watch.

Oh, my God, where?

Pike Slip.

Go get my clothes.

Okay, okay, yeah, okay.

Um, wait here.

I can't believe your timing.

I was in bed with a loan officer from Chemical Bank.

Give me those.

And what is it with these clothes?

Looks like the cast of Miami Vice

crawled into your closet and died.

He took my new shoes.

All right, all right.

Here. The bottoms were still shiny.

Fine, fine. Come on. And my watch.

Don't talk. Dress!

She was a blonde with a downy lip.

Do you have any idea how incredibly aroused I get

by a woman with a downy lip?

You should have been here earlier.

Mine needed a shave.

I can't believe it. He took everything,

he took my cigarette lighter.

Pike Slip? Who goes to Pike Slip?

I didn't go to Pike Slip, he took me to Pike Slip.

I thought I was getting laid.

[ upbeat rock theme playing ]

Down, up, down, up and up.

I can't go on a blind date.

Come on, it's been a couple of months.

You've got to take the plunge.

Anyway, it's just dinner.

I'm getting hot just thinking about it.

You sound like you love what you do.

I love it.

I have always been interested in soft drinks.

They're neat, they are clean, you don't need a showroom,

they repeat.

They are an ideal product.

Was your family in that business?

My father never did anything.

I hated him.

My mother was no bargain either.

I don't have a single relative that I like.

They're users.

What I like about you is I feel like I trust you.

You're not gonna betray me, are you?

You must have had a really rough childhood.

I don't let it get to me.

I don't let anything get to me.

If I'm not happy, it's my own fault.

Look, as long as we've gotten personal like this,

I have a list of all the people

that I've been intimate with

over the past eight years.

Can I ask to see yours the next time we meet?

[ classical theme playing ]

Dad? Is that you?

I almost didn't recognize you.

I can't believe you.

You look really weird.

I love those shoulders.

What have you got in there?

A box of Kleenex? Ha, ha.

How you doing?What's in the bowl?

Rice and goulash.

We pictured you sitting at home

eating pizza and peanuts and we don't want you to starve.

That's great. Thank you.

Listen, if you're on your way out,

we can leave it with the doorman.

Yeah, Mel's coming to get me.

We've got a, you know, a business dinner.

Oh, well, we just came by to say hello

and thought I'd just bring you up to date.

We'll call you tomorrow.

What? Up to date on what?

I'll call you tomorrow.

What? What is it? Aw, come on, tell him.

We're having a baby.

Ahhhh! Ha-ha-haahhhh!

Isn't that something? Whoa.

I knew we shouldn't tell him in the street.

When? When? About the middle of June.

Ahhh, that's great.

Yo, Stevie, let's go.

Mel, Judy's having a baby.

Little Judy!

I don't believe it, little Judy.

Ha-ha-hah.

Billy, wonderful, wonderful.

Listen, we've got a couple of clients waiting.

Oh, yeah, okay.

We'll have dinner this week, huh?

We'll celebrate. I'll leave this with the--

Yeah, okay, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

All right, bye. That's great, great.

Friends of his is having a baby.

Tina, Sherry, this is Steve.

Hi.Hi.

Come with me. MEL: What?

Where do you think-- where you going?

What are you doing? Excuse us.

Come here.

What are you doing?

I don't think I should go tonight.

What are you talking about? It feels indecent.

You've been trying to do something indecent

for six months now.

These girls are only a couple of years older

than my daughter.

I'm sorry, it's the best I can do.

Everyone at the Beth Isreal Old Age Home

was busy tonight.

Get in the car. Some other time.

What's the rush? What's the rush?

Listen, listen to me, listen to me.

You've been divorced, rejected,

you're entitled to have a little fun.

What are you waiting for?

An official telegram from the Pope?

Get in the car.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

MEL: Hey, food's here. Dig in, dig in.

So what part of the music business are you girls in?

Booking.

Yeah, I wanted to sing when I started out,

but you're always on the road.

You get these skuzzy guys hitting on you all the time.

I got to go to the john.

Me too.

See, what'd I tell you? They're nice girls.

You don't think it's funny

they have to keep going to the bathroom?

What? You got to have a girl with a perfect bladder?

This one had white powder on her upper lip.

I don't think they're serving sugar donuts

in the ladies' room.

Don't ruin this.

These girls are open-minded and convivial.

Modern progressive women.

Sluts.

Don't get ethical;

it inhibits their sexual creativity.

[ Inner City's "Whatcha Gonna Do with My Lovin'" playing ]

♪ Whatcha gonna do With my lovin'? ♪

♪ Please don't make me Fantasize ♪

Wait here, I'm just walking her to the door.

[ car leaving ]

Want to come up for a cup of tea?

Cup of tea?

Yeah, sure. That'd be great, sure.

Okay.

[ panting ]

It's a lot of stairs, but I don't mind.

It keeps me in shape.

Yeah, it's great, great.

Oh, this is Shirley, my roommate.

Hello. How do you do?

Have a seat.

Okay.

I've got fennel tea, linden tea,

hibiscus flowers and rosehip tea.

What's the matter?

Uh, I get a spasm sometimes.

It's all right, it's okay.

Take off your jacket. No, I'm fine.

It's all right, it's all right.

No, take off your jacket. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I shouldn't move, no, I shouldn't move.

I know what I'm doing. No. I know, but it's the--

Lay down. Oh, God. Ohh.

Aghhh!

[ groaning ]

What are you doing?

You know, I think it's your sacroiliac.

I know what it is and it shouldn't be moved.

I know what to do. Listen, I--

This goes here.

Oh, don't.This goes here.

[ bones cracking ] Aagghhh!

Does it feel better now?

Oh, God, no.

Hmm.

You know what?

What?

I think you're too tense.

Well, I'm a little tense.

You need to relax a little bit.

You know?

Maybe we should wait a minute.

Huh?

I think we should wait a minute.

Here.

You're gonna have to put this on, honey.

Uh, listen, my back feels a lot better.

I think I'd better get home.

You're going? Yeah, I think so.

[ groaning ]

I had a great time.

Thanks. See you shortly.

Tina, it was great meeting you.

That's it, come on, come on, hit it up, will you?

Come on.

Watch it, watch it, watch it.

Hey! Why didn't you duck?

Lightning reflexes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're great, you're wonderful.

What's the matter? You're so morose.

Do you ever miss being married?

Why would I miss it?

You don't miss being loved by somebody,

somebody who will make you French toast

on a Sunday morning?

Somebody you can talk to at night when you can't sleep?

I've always had someone to talk to at night.

That's why my wife wouldn't make me French toast.

You're a very shallow person, you know that?

What, having some woman make fried bread for you is deep?

Ah, damn it, I'm not happy.

I want to get happy.

What are you making such a big deal about happiness for?

Look at me.

I trade all day against guys

who would cut my heart out for an 1/8.

I drink too much, I eat rich food,

I make love to women half my age.

You think I'm happy?

That's the advantage of being shallow.

Sorry I'm late. I got all jammed up.

Sure.

What would you like? I already ordered.

I don't know, anything, it doesn't matter.

Your hair looks nice.

It's just a rinse.

I don't know if I'm gonna keep it.

I don't know,

let me have a cutty sark and a steak or something.

So what are we-- Our special today

is a lovely trout almondine.

Meat. Very well done.

A piece of burnt meat, okay?

Burnt meat?Fine. Okay.

Fine.

So what are we talking over here?

Has it been a problem for you, meeting new people?

Problem?

I thought maybe we could help each other out.

Like what, go on double dates together?

No. It's worse than that.

Donna knows some women who want to meet men

and they don't want to go to bars or dating services.

So, what do they do?

Oh, you're gonna hate this.

Okay, they have a party where each woman invites a man,

a friend or somebody they used to be married to,

and she introduces him to everybody else.

Like a swap meet?

You know, you might find somebody very interesting.

People do this?

I knew you'd hate this.

No, all right, fine. You want to try it,

what the hell. I'll try it. Fine.

Okay.

Here's the address.

It's an artist loft in Tribeca, Friday at 8.

Did you ever think as long as we lived,

we'd have a conversation like this?

Not in a million years.

[ elevator humming ]

[ mellow theme playing ]

[ background conversation ]

MAN: Who did you bring?

WOMAN: I brought that guy right over there, tall, dark.

See the one? MAN: Yeah, I see, I see.

WOMAN: Yeah, I brought him

and I brought my other boyfriend too.

MAN: Two? Which one's the other one?

WOMAN: He's a little chubbier.

[ background conversation ]

MAN: Now, see, this one over here--

Hi, I'm Jackie Giardino.

Hi, I'm Dr. Dave Salisman.

Hello, Dr. Dave.

Steve, I want you to meet Eleanor Pederman.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

Maybe you know her law firm, Bender & Sachs?

Steve's on Wall Street.

Oh, who are you with?

I have a seat on the American Exchange.

Ahh.

What?

Well, you're not obsessed, are you?

Obsessed? What do you mean obsessed?

I've met a couple of traders.

Well, they were like compulsive gamblers.

Oh, ho. I see.

Well, and I hear they're all like that.

$50 says you're wrong.

Was that a joke?

Well, what do you do?

God, this is nice.

Paul Bunyan's hat rack.

I like them.

They have all these different shapes and angles.

It all seems to balance.

So does a scale.

They're fun, strong-looking.

Please, the Polish army is strong-looking.

I wouldn't want it standing around in my living room.

I don't know, I just love the human form.

Maybe it's because I'm a doctor.

Hi, Dr. Dave Salisman.

Hi, Doc.

Don't you love the human form?

Mostly on humans.

Oh, don't tell me, your friend's the sculptor.

No. I'm the sculptor.

Hah.

Actually I see someone over here who is alone

and I think she needs some company.

Pardon me.

Sorry.

Hope you didn't bring him.

No, I actually brought him, that's my ex-husband.

STEVE: Parasite. Where do you get your money?

You get your money from people's misery.

Divorces, you get it from when people die.

I help people invest

and the reason they want to invest,

they want to be part of the economy.

And we got a liquid economy because of what I do

down on Wall Street.

This is the longest bull market in history.

I understand that-- It doesn't matter

whether the market goes up or whether it goes down,

people--look, I don't even want to talk about it.

You don't know what you're talking about, okay?

No, you don't listen.

It was nice meeting you.

You're not leaving?

Oh, yes, I really have got to go.

Listen, you're here

'cause you finished with this guy, right?

So let him make an ass of himself.

What do you care?

I know I'm being foolish

and I'm getting these awful gigantic hives.

Look, I'm sorry. No, listen, here.

I'm having an opening next week and this is my new show.

This is official. Will you come?

Jim Page? Yeah, well, that's my name,

but my family and people who love me call me Doc.

Thanks, Jim. Let me tell you something.

Your alimony--

Your job is done already by a computer.

Will you listen to me?

Pay attention to what I'm talking about, will you?

You don't listen.

You don't listen.

I'm sorry, I really have to go.

You know, I really do love your work.

I really do. I want you to know that.

I'll see you next week, right?

Yes. Bye.

Bye. STEVE: But you don't listen.

In my job--

You got everything written down in the computer

and you charge the same amount of money.

Goodbye. Nice talking to you.

Goodbye.

Can't you deal with a woman? This is--

Goodnight. I had a hell of a time.

I love these people who have no idea

what happens on the Street

and then they have all these theories.

Where are you going?

Oh, I embarrassed you, right? You're ashamed of me, huh?

We made a mistake coming here.

Let's just forget about it.

Let me tell you something. I'm who I am.

If your friends don't like it, the hell with them.

Oh, I love the spirit of accommodation you have.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, I love it.

Accommodation. Let me tell you something.

I accommodated you for 26 years, don't forget that.

Uh, excuse me? We're divorced.

I don't have to have this fight anymore.

I turned myself inside out for you.

I jumped through hoops for you.

What hoops?

In the car, in the kitchen, in the bedroom.

What do you mean, in the bedroom?

You sure you're ready for the truth?

What hoops?

When we did it. How we did it.

If we did it.

You think back through all the time we've been married.

Think about it.

You never ever wanted me when I wanted you,

that whole time.

Think about it.

Because most of the time you didn't want me.

You wanted sex.

You were who I wanted it with.

You never just wanted to have sex, right,

you always make love to my whole person, right?

Bullshit!

When you wanted to screw, we screwed.

See if this can sink in, okay?

Making love does not start

when you take your clothes off.

It starts when you talk to me at dinner

or on the terrace fertilizing my nasturtiums with me.

That's how you get me going.

Not by putting down the Wall Street Journal,

grabbing my tits and sticking your tongue in my mouth.

You never just sat and talked.

You never ever wanted to just cuddle.

I hate that word. I hate it.

Children cuddle. Teddy bears cuddle.

I'm a grown man.

I see a desirable woman, I get an erection.

You see a couple of cantaloupes,

you get an erection.

Yes, yes.

But to please you, I cuddled.

Oh, for 15 seconds.

From them on, you were climbing all over me.

What did you want, a husband or a penpal?

I'm not gonna let you put down our sex life.

If there was something wrong with the way we made love,

then I sure misinterpreted a lot of moans and groans.

Let me tell you something,

what is this, Entertainment Tonight?

Go buy a TV set.

Go upstairs, get out of here.

Let me tell you something.

I desired you more than you desired me,

that's what it was.

I ached for you, but you were never there.

I tell you one thing, though,

I'm real happy we had this little talk

'cause I'm beginning to miss you a lot less.

To hell with her. To hell with all of them.

From now on, I'm devoting myself

to food, alcohol and tennis.

Devote yourself to watching the ball.

He's got a very tricky serve. Pay attention.

Don't worry about me. I'm fine.

Are you all right? I'm fine, I'm fine.

Come on, let's play another set.

No, no.

Come on. I got a lot of carnal energy to displace here.

Come on. Mel, hit with me, come on, Barry, let's play.

I'm sorry. I got surgery this morning.

One more.

We played. That's enough.

Steve, three sets is enough, all right.

STEVE: Mel, hit with me. Let's play.

All right. Come on.

But we'll take it easy.

Lightly.

Little warm down.

Look.

As long as I can hit a nice backhand,

make a good trade, what do I need with women?

Huh?

Hey! Easy. I said easy.

To hell with 'em. I don't need 'em.

I'll live on the edge.

I'll live on adrenalin and Chateau Lafite.

Steve.

Steve!

Steve, what is it? What happened?

God, it's his heart.

No, I'm all right, I'm all right.

It's okay. He looks pale.

Do you have a pain in your chest?

No, no, it's not a pain.

It's like there's a little Volkswagon sitting on it.

Myocardial infarction.

How do you know what he's got?

He's the doctor.

I know, I know. Don't move.

The slightest movement could kill you.

I'm all right. It's nothing. It's anguish.

Don't move, don't move. Here, give him some air.

Take his pulse.

Why do you think I'm holding his wrist?

Look, it could just be anxiety.

Anxiety? A man does not fall down

and turn white because of anxiety.

Take him to a hospital. Give him an angiogram.

What are you? Crazy?

That's an operation.

Ah, simple procedure, little tube in your groin,

up the vein, in your heart, you're home the same day.

Will you get out of here?

I'll call you if I want a butcher.

Slowly, slowly.

I'm gonna take you to the hospital.

See you get an EKG to work off the energy.

How about a stress test?

I had a stress test at that party last night.

Don't listen to him. The man is delirious.

Phil, get your car,

we'll take him right to the hospital.

I'm not going to the hospital.

I'm taking a shower.

What are you talking about? A shower?

At a time like this, you take a shower?

If the man wants to take a shower,

at least let him do it calmly.

He could be in cardiac arrest,

you're prescribing soap and water?

[ continued arguing ]

Dr. Peterson says your patient 405

has a very low white count.

Wants you to see him as soon as you can.

Oh, I'm gonna have to get somebody else

to work you up, Steve. Fine, fine.

Make sure they do everything now.

Take some blood, sed rate-- Over here.

Will you go down to the Exchange?

Trading opens in 20 minutes.

I'll be there, don't worry about it.

Alice, could you see

if Dr. Hutton can examine Mr. Giardino?

Who's Dr. Hutton? A fine doctor.

What are you waiting for? Fine.

You be examined, I'll go to the Exchange.

Will you-- Go in there

and take off your clothes.

Do what the doctor says and relax.

Whatever you do, relax.

Both of you relax, tachycardia

can be terrible for angina. Oh, really?

[ indistinct ] I'd never heard of that.

Mr. Giardino? Hi, I'm Dr. Hutton.

Hello.

Are you having any chest pains now?

No, no.

Well, I'm just going to listen to your heart.

Then I'll take your blood pressure

and then we'll do an electrocardiogram.

Okay.

Just breathe normally.

[ heart beating fast ]

Have you ever been diagnosed

as having an irregular heartbeat?

No, not that I can remember.

Any history of heart disease in your family?

No, no.

How's your diet?

Chicken and fish.

You exercise regularly?

I play tennis three times a week.

Well, you don't look like you're

in all that bad shape to me.

[ heart beating fast ]

[ heart beating regularly ]

[ heart beating fast ]

NURSE: Dr. Hutton!

This guy's gonna code any second.

Can you help us?

I'll be right back.

Is there a BP?

80/40.

Hook up the monitor.

I've got the testings.

Let's get somebody in here to ventilate.

He's got no oral airway.

Was he brought in by ambulance?

NURSE: Yes.

DR. HUTTON: I'm not getting a BP.

[ monitor beeping ]

VTAC. Start a line.

Give him 100 milligrams of Lidocaine.

Charge the paddles.

NURSE: Line's in.

DR. HUTTON: Hands off. Now!

[ monitor beeping ]

Sinus rhythm.

ALL: All right! Way to go.

Start a Lidocaine drip, 4 milligrams per minute

and do a 12VDKG.

What's his name?

NURSE: Ed Hogan.

Eddie?

Eddie, can you hear me?

Ed?

You had a problem with your heartbeat.

You're going to be okay now.

You're in the hospital.

I'm Dr. Hutton.

You're gonna be fine.

They said it was urgent.

It is urgent. Doc called twice.

He wants to make sure you go to his opening tonight

at the gallery.

Look, what's the point?

Do you realize how much younger he is?

What do you care?

An attractive, adorable man wants to see you again.

What did you go to the party for?

Oh, nice. What happened to foreplay?

Look, I'm nearly a grandmother.

This makes me very uncomfortable.

Look, just go for a few minutes.

I mean, I don't know if you got a look

at that cute little behind of his or not, but--

His behind?

You know, you spend your whole day

arranging dates for horny rodents

and it's really changing your values.

Go for 10 minutes.

I got to hang up now,

but give your mice a cold shower.

Bye.

[ trade floor shouting ]

How's it going? Feeling any better?

It's nothing. Nerves, aggravation.

Stevie!

Uh, you want me to do it?

Why would I want you to do it?

Audrey!

[ trade floor shouting ]

[ mellow theme playing ]

[ closing bell ]

You could have paid 3/8 for that 25,000.

Stock trading all around you

and you're just standing there.

I wasn't standing. I was thinking, all right.

Why didn't you let me execute the order?

Relax, will you?

Now the market closed and we blew it.

Leo, you got to help me out.

I owe a customer a report on 25,000 Homotronics,

what do you say, huh?

Nah, can't help you.

Nah, come on, the bell just rang,

you can still hear it.

Come on.

I was examined by Dr. Hutton and I have to talk to her.

It's an emergency. Is she there?

Hello? It's Steve Giardino.

There's something wrong.

My heart races and it skips beats

and I get distracted.

Mr. Giardino, I couldn't find anything.

Maybe you've suffered some kind of anxiety attack.

Sometimes when you're--

Well, yeah, yeah, but it still bothers me.

Can I see you?

Can you come over this afternoon?

Why don't we meet for a drink and then, you know,

I'll go over my whole history with you.

I don't usually make saloon calls.

Look, I've had a very traumatic change

in my life lately and--

Hmm, Barry told me you were divorced a while ago.

Is that what you mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

About six months ago, yeah, so.

Well, that might be contributing to this.

Look, I really don't think I can help you.

I just want to talk.

It would mean a great deal to me.

It would save my life, that's what it would do.

Hello?

Where would you want to meet?

How about the Oak Room?

Six o'clock.

Sure you're all right?

You don't look too good.

It's all right, I'm seeing a doctor later.

You're not saying much.

Well, I'm going through

this very vulnerable time right now

and when this beautiful, intelligent woman

put her hand on my shoulder, my heart turned over.

It was kind of funny

hearing it flopping around like that.

Yeah, yeah, so, see,

I thought that if you were free,

I mean, if you weren't married or anything

and Barry told me that you weren't...

I thought that we could go out on sort of a date.

Are you always this roundabout?

No, no, no.

I'm usually more direct.

According to my former wife,

something in the order of a trainwreck.

I'm trying to do this right.

What did you have in mind?

I have tickets to the Knicks tonight.

Do you want to go?

Sure. Hahh!

[ cheering ]

[ screaming ]

[ cheering ]

STEVE: Hello. WOMAN: Hi.

I had a good time tonight.

I don't usually scream like that.

Screaming is good. It helps your appetite.

I used to scream a lot.

I was a real basketball freak in high school.

Yeah?

Would you like to come up for a cup of coffee?

Coffee.

Well, you're probably tired and I have to get up early.

No, no. No, no, no, no, coffee is good.

Let's have coffee. Good.

Listen, coffee's good.

This is my floor.

Here's the thing.

I don't know how this works anymore

and it makes me nervous.

I'm gonna have to do this step by step.

Okay.

I definitely want to have coffee with you.

I really, really would like to have coffee with you,

but how would you feel about dinner first?

You don't mean tonight, right?

It's 11 o'clock.No, no, tomorrow night.

I'll be at the hospital 'til 10.

And then on Saturday,

my best friend has a beach house

and I promised I'd visit.

Well-- Why don't you come along?

No, I don't want to get in the way.

No, it'd be fun.

Why don't you give me a call tomorrow?

We'll work it out.

Okay. All right.

Uh, by the way, it was just going to be coffee.

DR. HUTTON: Perfect day. Fabulous.

I can't believe it.

TOMMY: What do you have in there?

Coffee? Coffee and cognac.

Why do you think you can't sleep at night?

Ah, here we go.

What do you tell your patient?

Yeah, what do I tell my patient?

Did she examine you? Yeah.

Did she tell you not coffee? Yeah.

You are really a pisser.

If you're not in too deep, I'd get out now.

Yeah, well, don't make me out to be the crazy one.

I don't have this neurotic compulsion

to swim in ice water.

First day of spring, he swims.

One year he went in during a snow storm.

I'm gonna go down and see if it's cold enough.

What is he, an old boyfriend?

No, he's my best friend.

How does he know you don't sleep at night?

I told him.

What else do you tell him?

Everything. He's my best friend.

I think we're having a generation problem here.

I thought you had to be a generation apart for that.

TOMMY: Ya-ha-hoo!

It's perfect.

My fingers are paralyzed.

Ah, that's wonderful.

Great.

Yaaaaa-haa-hooo.

Go for it, go, go!

Aghh! It's cold!

Go, go, go. Ha, ha.

That's great.

What are you doing?

Gonna take a little dip.

Are you serious?

Yeah, why not?

You're really gonna go in the water?

Yeah, yeah, why not?

Hey, Eric, look at this.

All right!

Come on!

Ha, ha, ha.

Go, Steve!

Ha, ha, all right!

Oh, God! I'm not gonna die.

I'm not gonna die.

I shouldn't still be shivering.

I should be warm by now.

You are warm. You have a fever.

I tried to go to the bathroom before.

I fell down in the closet.

You'll be okay.

I think you've got a little pneumonia.

Don't go away. Come back. Come here.

I'm here.

You started to get small.

I'm right here. Take these pills.

You know, I think about your chin all the time.

I love your chin.

What do you think to getting married?

I think it's a little too soon to talk about that.

I'm much better.

Yes. More in control.

You are.

I'll be all right.

[ mellow theme playing ]

That was quick.

Are you going home to read War and Peace before dinner?

I felt a small hive starting here.

Again? Yes.

Come on in. I've got something to show you.

Come in.

You're the only woman I know with pet hives.

Now, do you remember at the party

when you said that you felt

my work had a sense of balance?

Yes. Do you?

Right, because I've been thinking about that.

Now, come on.

I want you to stand right there.

Now, I made this for you.

It balances.

You thought about me when you made this?

I thought about you when I wasn't making it too.

What do you have in mind here?

Well, I don't know.

Exploring.

Oh, there's a really big one starting up my arm.

Why, is there a problem?

You're somewhat younger than I am,

have you noticed?

So?

You need to work on something.

You're too worried about what other people think.

I'm gonna take you to lunch tomorrow.

Are you free?

I can't.

No, no. I want you to meet somebody.

Who?

Oh, there's a waiter there.

I think you ought to meet him.

I don't think we ought to take this any further.

No, no, no. You listen to me.

Nothing I've ever done in my life

has ever meant anything unless it started in here.

I don't know how, but somehow you got in here.

That's all I care about.

I mean, I don't care what anyone thinks.

You come with me tomorrow, I'll prove that.

Say you will.

Say you'll come.

Okay.

Do you know this place?

No.

No? Right.

You sit right there.

I'll be right back.

[ mellow theme playing ]

You're a waiter?

No, I'm a sculptor.

See, what's important is how I look at it.

The way I look at it,

you're a beautiful, intelligent woman,

who likes good art.

Maybe you're a little too young for me,

but I don't mind.

You see anything you want?

Well, I'm thinking about that.

Did you see my face today?

I'm happy. I'm like a kid.

You're like someone with brain damage.

Twice you tried to trade at the wrong post.

This woman is incredible.

He's crazy. And he's fun.

And he brings me things.

Muffins, pastries, always some kind of food.

Ha, ha, ha.

And he's sweet.

STEVE: Is your father a doctor too?

No, he worked in a steel mill.

Big day for him when I got into Columbia.

Right. Big day for all of us.

Were both your parents Italian?

No, my mother's Irish.

I'm Italian on my father's side.

My mother's family was German

and a little French somewhere back there.

[ grunting ]

It opens from the front.

STEVE: Oh.

[ mellow theme playing ]

I leave you for two seconds and you're asleep?

Come here. I got some nice stuff for us.

Cold pizza, ice cream and beer.

It's 5 in the morning. No wonder I'm zoning out.

You weren't asleep while we were making love, were you?

Just during the slow parts.

What are you doing?

Do you ever have this on ice cream?

What? Red pepper. It's really good.

On ice cream? Oh, it's great.

Come here. Take some.

I don't think I'm hungry.

Mm, it's good. Mm.

Hey, hey, come on.

I don't mind you falling

asleep while I make love to you,

but not while I eat.

Come on, there's something perverted about that.

And don't let me oversleep.

I'll drop you off at work on my way downtown.

Then I'll pick you up again right after work, okay?

Mm.

Then I'll drop you off again the next morning

and pick you up at night.

[ laughing ]

[ laughing ]

No, what were you like when you were a kid?

Did you have heroes?

Yeah.

Yeah, in high school, Mr. Callifarno.

He led the marching band

and he had this sexy deep voice and soft eyes.

I learned to play the tuba

and came away with a great pucker.

No, wait, wait, was that the year

that you had scarlet fever?

How do you remember all this stuff?

Well, I'm interested.

You know, I don't know if this is calculated or what,

but you are definitely getting to me.

You know what you can do right now?

What?

Get you home so you can study.

You've got a big exam tomorrow.

Okay.

I've just never gone through anything like this before,

you know?

He thinks that every single thing that I do

is fascinating.

Ooh, that is a nice change.

Yeah, I used to beg Steve to come up here with me

and he wouldn't even sit there

and read the paper while I dug.

And Doc comes up?

Oh, yeah.

He made me a salad out of nasturtiums.

He couldn't just read the paper?

Oh, God, he's totally unlike Steve.

He doesn't ignore me, he doesn't--

he doesn't interrupt me, he doesn't--

What?

Oh, you know.

What?

The way--do you know the way

Steve always used to grab at me

all the time? He doesn't do that.

Hasn't there been anything?

There's been a little kissing, a little--

well, basically, that's it.

A little kissing and it's warm and it's friendly

and it's filled with respect and it's making me sick.

He definitely needs a signal.

Oh, I looked in his eyes.

I have let my hand sort of [ giggling ]

linger on his thigh.

I mean, what do I need to do? Get in the 6 o'clock news?

Yes.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

Excuse me.

Hello.

Hello.

Do you have a table for one, please?

Oh, sure, how's that?

That looks nice.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

What do you have that's good?

Well, everything's good. What would you like?

I was thinking of something hot, spicy.

Something stir-fried?

I don't know. Something slow-cooked.

You know, something that'll take all afternoon.

Do you have anything like that?

Hm?

[ mellow theme playing ]

Oh, I've got to get home and change.

Oh, I can't go to class

in the same outfit I wore yesterday.

I'll loan you a sweater.

You'll look different.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe if I wear a sweater, nobody'll notice.

Or maybe I'll just skip class.

[ mellow theme playing ]

Have you seen these freckles on your back?

These colors are incredible. I'm gonna get a mirror.

You've got to see this.

I think I have to sleep now.

I love the way your hand comes out of your wrist.

[ mellow theme playing ]

This is organically grown and water decaffeinated.

Oh, I got to go home,

I haven't changed clothes for three days.

You haven't worn them for three days.

That's true. The hell with it.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

I got it. Steady.

DOC: I'm gonna put this one in the bedroom.

Let's just live with it for a while.

What do you think?

JACKIE: I don't believe how big it is.

It is so huge.

DOC: Wow, listen, it looks pretty good right here.

Let's just leave it out here.

JACKIE: Sure, why not?

[ phone ringing ]

Hello.

Billy?

Is everything all right?

When?

Is she okay?

I'll be right over.

Bye.

Judy just had a baby boy.

Whooo!

Ho-ah-ha-hah!

JACKIE: Steve!

I don't know if you remember or not,

but Judy was born at 4 in the morning too.

No, no, I didn't.

4:07. Yeah?

Yeah. Oh, this is Steve.

Steve, hi, I'm Doc.

How are you? Congratulations.

Thank you. This is Kay.

Kay, how are you?

Jackie. Hi.

Hello, congratulations.

Thank you.

See, this is really weird, but I had this feeling

the minute that the phone rang,

I said, Jackie, pick it up,

you've got a grandchild.

Oh, yeah?

This is a family visit, I'll wait for you in the lobby.

Yeah, I'll wait down here too.

All right, now you give her a kiss for me.

Tell her I did the tarot cards on this, all right?

Okay.

You know what I got?

The sun, the world, the nine of cups.

Kid's got it made.

I hear from Judy he's a waiter.

During the day.

And his name is Doc?

Hm-mm.

You're laughing at his name?

Neil Simon is Doc.

Albert Schweitzer is Doc.

A psychic waiter is not Doc.

I don't think it's any of your business

if I live with a guy named Dopey or Sneezy.

You're living with him?

I notice you didn't come here unaccompanied yourself

at 5 o'clock in the morning.

Just--Yeah, all right, all right.

Hi.

You both came.

Did you see him?

He's got these tiny little fingernails.

He is so beautiful.

He looks so good. You won't believe it.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, you've got to go down and see him.

She looks beautiful.

Doesn't she?

[ shower running ]

Mmm, aaahhh.

No, no, no, no, no. What are you doing?

Don't do that. No, no.

Oh, don't do that.

Oh, oh, that's good. It's good.

Ah, leave it this way.

I like it. No.

I want to see you the way you really are.

Oh, good, I'll go to the dentist,

have him take the caps off my teeth.

Leave it. I like it.

All right, what the hell.

Yeah, probably be seeing a lot of it.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I thought we ought to get married.

Oh, good.

Ahhhh! Ha-ha-haahhhh!

KAY: Judy, he's wonderful.

[ baby crying ]

Sweetie! Ah, isn't he pretty.

I think he needs to be changed.

Can I do it? Oh, sure.

Oh, [ cooing ] yes, Steve, come on.

What?

We're gonna change the baby.

I saw the baby being changed before.

We're not going to see it. We're going to do it.

Aren't we, we're gonna take good care of my guy.

My baby guy.

Come on.

There, sweetheart.

Aw, he's so cute.

Hand me the diaper.

Hello, sweetheart.

Oh, gosh, what a good guy you are.

Of course I want one.

Well, I can't, I can't.

I'm too old to go through that again.

Too old.

I am. I'm too old.

You play tennis three times a week.

You're too feeble to lift a baby?

Kay, come on.

Before a kid of ours even got out of high school,

I'd be 70 years old.

I mean, how long do you think I'm gonna be around for?

Don't you think I've thought of that?

I'm a doctor.

I know what I can probably expect with you.

You drink, you smoke, you eat junk.

Yeah, so?

So when you go,

you may not just pass away in your sleep.

You may have a stroke first and I'll have to nurse you

for two or three years while you fade away.

But I love you and the way I see it,

love is responsibility.

You don't know what it's like.

It takes over your whole life, you know.

Fatigue, night nursing, the constant worry

about diaper rash and roseola.

The next time we have sex will be in the year 2004.

If you get lucky.

[ excited conversation ]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Why is everybody trying to pressure this man

into having a baby?

He doesn't want one, he doesn't want one.

End of discussion.

All Steve has to do is contribute a few spermatozoa.

He already gave.

The man has a grown daughter.

Everybody has an opinion about my spermatozoa.

Yeah. This is important stuff.

This is the issue of his loins.

What makes you people think this is any of your business?

[ excited conversation ]

Discussing the issue of my loins.

What is this? Hey, I'm on your side.

It's not up for discussion.

There are only two opinions that count on this subject.

Not two. One. Hers.

You know, she's got a biological clock

ticking inside of her.

Oh, please, I got a biological clock too.

It's called decrepitude.

He's right. Look at this.

This is an old man.

What are you talking, old man--?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I want to hear from Kay. What do you want?

I guess I want more meaning in my life.

I love my work

and I wouldn't give it up for anything,

but I don't want to give up having a baby either.

MEL: Listen to me.

I never had any kids and I don't miss it.

Kids tie you down.

You can't just take off when you got kids.

Kids are a pain in the ass.

Oh!

You know, maybe women look at this differently, Mel.

Women and other humans.

Somebody read a book.

Oh, excuse me for having a brain.

Listen to me, all the books in the world--

You can't know what--

[ arguing ]

If this isn't going to lead to a baby,

then I have to know now.

I don't have a couple of years I can play with.

How can you just walk away from me?

How can you tell me I have to give this up?

It may not mean anything to your friend, Mel,

but it means a lot to me.

All right, let's do it.

Let's do it.

If we have a family, it can't be like your last one.

You have to be there with me.

Of course I will. Every step of the way.

Will you listen to me?

I want to be with you every minute of the day.

I'm jealous of your patients.

Look, the answer is yes.

I want you and I want everything you want.

Everything.

Let's neck.

So in joining you good people together,

we're enjoying an exercise in hope.

You two are igniting in all of us

the hope that life together is possible,

and caring for someone else is possible.

Kay, do you take Steve to be your husband?

To love him and cherish him in sickness and in health?

In good times and bad?

For as long as you both shall live?

I do.

Steve, do you take Kay to be your wife?

To love her and cherish her in sickness and in health?

In good times and bad?

So long as you both shall live?

I do.

Well, then, in the eyes of everyone here,

and the State of New York, you're husband and wife.

[ cheering ]

MEL: Okay, enough, enough!

Next, next.

Listen, I hope he didn't make too much noise.

He made it wonderful.

Oh, thank you. Congratulations.

Thank you. Kay.

Hey, am I happy for you guys.

Ah, thank you, Mel.

You look lovely, absolutely radiant.

She hates me. Woman cannot stand me.

She's just a little pissed at you, that's all.

She'll get over it. Don't worry about it.

Is this a tough day for you?

Oh, no, I love Kay. She's terrific.

Did she tell you, you know, what our plans are?

She's pregnant, I know. She told me.

So how do you feel about that?

I think it's great.

I mean, I'm gonna have a kid and everything,

but do you feel all right, really?

Listen, can I ask you a favor?

Yeah, what?

Spend some time with this one, okay?

Come on, let's eat. Come on.

I just want to look at your face.

Does this bother you?

It's just a little hard

reading up in the air like this.

Oh, here, just--

Are you all right there?

That's great.

When you take a break, can we work on the terrace?

Uh-ha.

I love to watch you dig.

What's the matter?

Can I get you something?

No, it's okay. You just keep talking.

Forget that it's your first day.

Up here, you're in charge, okay?

Now you don't think of yourself as a teacher's aide,

you act like you've been doing this for years.

All right? Don't make me nervous, okay?

All right, here we go. Little kiss for good luck.

All right, go get 'em.

This is it. Go get 'em, kiddo.

This is your day.

This is yours.

You're gonna be great.

Good luck.

I'll be waiting here when you get out.

I want a full report.

DOC: Now, try to get a seat near an exit.

I want you back safe.

JACKIE: You're making me nervous.

I packed you a little picnic lunch.

I stuck it right here at the top of your bag.

Don't come in.

Will you call me every day?

I'll try.

I mean, if they're gonna have me talking sign language

morning 'til night.

You know, there's no place here that you can do it?

You have to go to D.C.? No, there isn't.

Yes, yes, yes.

The best in the field's there. Now go.

All right, bye.

I love you. Love you too.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

Oh, excuse me, can I squeeze in there please?

Sure, no problem.

You're going to Washington?

Oh, it's a great city. It's very historic.

Lots of monuments, yeah.

Is this your first time there?

[ laughing ]

Boy, did I get you.

Did you suspect anything?

I had a week coming to me so I took it now.

But listen, I won't be in the way.

I'll be at the motel during the day.

Whenever you're through at night,

8, 9 o'clock at night, I'll be waiting for you.

Is this great?

I can hardly believe it.

[ laughing ]

STEVE: Hey, look at this, huh? What do you think?

Ah-ha-hahh.

I can't believe it.

Where did you get a gondola?

Well, I said it was an Italian lunch.

I even got some of this dried yak dung

for Steve to sprinkle all over a ziti. Come on.

We'll have a little lunch, ride around the lake.

The idea is to get acquainted. We're family now.

You're married to this guy, you're married to me.

Mary, you want to sit here? Is that all right?

It's Mary, right?

It's Mara, Mara, help your wife.

She falls in that water, she'll decompose.

What happened? She's all right now.

Here we go.

What happened?

Once around the lake.

KAY: He used to run around the car and help me out.

Now when he drops me off at the hospital,

he slows down and sort of ejects me out of my seat.

Come on, when have I ever done anything like that?

In 46 days we've been married, 11 times.

She counts everything. Don't marry a doctor.

You could starve to death

while she measures out 2 cc's of oil, 1 cc of vinegar

and 1.2 grams of garlic for your salad.

How come I never noticed that before we got married?

Before we got married, you made the salad.

Never give men what they want,

it ruins their appetite.

Have a frittata, sweetheart.

[ blows horn ]

[ gondolier singing ]

MEL: Let me tell you a few things about this guy you married.

Steve's been my partner for 18 years

and I can say this from the bottom of my heart,

the man is a selfish pig.

But he's got the heart of a stallion.

He'll work till he drops.

Sun goes down in L.A., he's trading in Tokyo.

Sun comes up in England, he's on the London Exchange.

The man never stops.

I'm bombing here, I'm dying.

He's a great family man.

He cries at baby pictures.

We have an agreement.

When the sun sets in Chicago, he doesn't follow it to Tokyo.

Somebody else can stay up all night with the Japanese.

He comes home.

Right?

[ singing in Italian ]

KAY: I can do this without you.

I just thought it would be better for both of us

if we went through it together.

Yeah, sure, I missed this kind of thing

with my first kid.

And this guy's into this sort of thing

and he thought you should come too.

Yeah, good, fine.

Look, don't worry about how long it takes.

I got a paper. I'll be fine out here.

Just take your time.

Steve, I want you to come in with me.

What do you mean? Until the doctor comes?

I mean, until it's over.

DOCTOR: Oh, this is a very, very good image, here.

Look, oh, look, you can see the hand.

Can you see that?

There it is. There it is.

Oh, you can see the fingers wiggling.

Look, it's very good. This is very clear.

Oh, you can see the face.

See the orbits for the eyes, the mouth.

Oh, and look, you can see the heart.

Can you see that? The heart?

Can you see the heart beating?

Yeah, yeah.

Stop it there.

What you're gonna feel...

is just a little pressure, a little punch, okay?

What I want you to do is take a deep breath for me

and hold it.

[ inhales ]

That's right. Just hold, hold, hold.

You can let it out now.

[ exhales ]

There. Do you feel anything?

It's all right.

Make sure you're not near the fetus.

No, no, I'm watching it on the screen.

DOCTOR: Can you tell what sex it is?

No.

DOCTOR: Do you want to know? No.

Is that--is this pretty much over?

DOCTOR: Just a few more seconds.

Nice, nice, nice.

There. All done.

Ahh, thank you.

Don't worry, babe, you're gonna be fine.

He did great. That looks great.

Try not to walk me into a truck, okay?

Okay. Just relax.

You'll only be out of control for a couple more seconds.

Now there's gonna be a step.

Right. Turn around.

Look.

What's that?

I bought myself a present.

Well, you're not gonna ride on that?

Yeah.

In traffic?

Yeah, this saves me an hour a day.

You wanted to see me more. Now you will.

Here, just put this on and get on.

I'm gonna give you a ride.

Now, don't lean or anything and just don't try to help,

just sit back and relax

and try and keep your feet on these platforms here.

Just sit there, all right?

All right. But this is not a bicycle.

I mean, you steer with your whole body,

not just your hands, right? Yes, I know.

And easy on the brakes.

I don't want to go flying over the handlebars.

Look, I know you're trying to be helpful, okay?

Believe me, I know that and I love you for it,

but I had one of these when I was a teenager.

I'm fine. Yeah. You sit, I drive, okay?

Drive. Okay, sweetheart.

Waah!

Easy on the gas! Stay in control.

I know what I'm doing.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

Don't lean on--

Oh, my God, we're on the sidewalk now.

It's okay, I'm all right.

No worry. Not hurt.

You okay? You all right?

Why did you stick your feet out?

Because you were gonna kill yourself, that's why.

Jackie, you cannot ride around on this thing.

Oh, boy, this is really getting claustrophobic.

Now, listen, let's just-- let's skip dinner, okay?

Uh? Let's go to a movie?

Want to? And let's have popcorn.

I have to study tonight.

All right, you study. I'll cook.

What about curried eggplant?

If I want eggplant, I'll make it.

Something's bothering you, isn't it?

Something's bothering me?

You watch every move that I make,

and you haven't noticed that I am going crazy?

I can't breathe!

You're constantly watching me

and questioning me and examining me.

That's what you do when you care about someone.

No, that's what you do when you take a hostage.

I feel like such an idiot.

It never occurred to me

and it was staring me right in the face.

He's a control freak. Am I bothering you?

Go ahead, I'm working.

And that's why he waited so long to make love to me.

He was getting me warmed up

like one of his eggplant casseroles.

I can't go.

This is an ordinary Lamaze class.

I can't do it without you.

My first wife went through this whole thing without me.

That was then.

It was then and it was great.

I bought the cigars and drove her to the hospital.

The only thing that made me sick was the cigar.

Unlike this pregnancy, which is like sitting through

Friday the 13th for nine months.

Look, I've got to level with you,

I don't know if I can be there when you give birth.

I don't want to see blood and pain

and little arms and legs coming out of your body.

It's like an exercise class.

What's gonna make you sick?

Stretching, breathing, what's gonna make you sick?

Okay, dads, help mother up and we'll talk about the things

we'll be doing the next few weeks.

Don't go, don't leave me.

What's the matter?

My back. I can't move. I'm paralyzed.

Let me help you. No, no, no, no, no.

You'll hurt yourself, you'll hurt the baby.

Don't--I can do it. I'm fine.

I'll just, I'll be all right.

I just got to get in the right position.

After class, I can show you the pelvic tilt.

It may help your back.

Good. That's very nice.

That'll be fine.

Okay.

Well, the more you know regarding labor and birth,

the less anxious you'll be.

So we'll talk in detail about anatomy and physiology,

how to push the baby out, Cesarean birth, complications.

I'll be right back.

I'll take you of a tour of the labor and delivery rooms

and we'll discuss techniques for pain management,

role of the coach, coping strategies.

You all right? Just wanted some stale air.

You look upset.

I don't think I'm gonna be able

to tour the hospital with you.

By then, you'll be an old hand at this.

You'll know what happens when the water breaks,

you'll know what to do during an emergency.

Those are the exact two things I don't want to know.

You can't do that here

and you promised you'd cut down during my pregnancy.

I didn't know your pregnancy was gonna be so stressful.

Okay. I'm ready.

Oh, are we celebrating something?

Well, that depends on how you feel.

About what?

About getting married.

I think we ought to talk about it.

Are you serious?

I've been thinking about it.

I threw the yarrow sticks.

Yarrow sticks?

Yeah, you remember,

the I Ching, the Book of Changes,

the Chinese divination, right?

So I throw the sticks, I open the book,

and what do you think it says?

The mountain above, the lake below.

I'm very excited about this.

Are you okay?

You sounded funny on the phone.

He asked me to marry him.

Really?

Some Chinese guy who's been dead for 2,000 years

thinks it's a great idea.

What do you think?

I don't think I would live through the honeymoon.

He never leaves me alone.

I can't study. I can't take a trip.

I got to leave a goodbye note to go to the bathroom.

That would drive me crazy.

You know, after Steve moved out,

there were certain things about living alone

that I really started to like.

I mean, I know that this sounds stupid,

I like to read while I eat.

I like going without dinner if I'm not hungry.

Sometimes, I like to just sit and think.

I just don't think I...

I don't think I want to marry anybody right now.

I need a rest.

There's just so many things I want to do

and I don't have time for all this stuff.

So are you gonna leave him?

I can't keep leaving these people.

Look at these hives.

Oh, listen, I have tried, I really have.

I just--I wish I had a little time to myself.

So take it.

I will.

I'm gonna take some time to myself.

Just got to get over this scratching thing.

You'll labor in one of these rooms

along this hallway.

And you'll stay here

until you've dilated approximately 10 centimeters

and push until the baby's head is crowning.

At that point, we'll move you down to the delivery room.

Dads will come with you and give you support.

[ groaning ]

Okay, folks, follow me.

Come on.

I'll meet you down in the parking lot.

Just make it to the end of the hall.

It's not that bad.

No, it's a little worse than you think.

Why is this such a problem for you?

Look, I love you, all right? I'd give my arm for you.

I'd give my eyes, my entire head and shoulders,

but I am not walking down this hallway.

That's all.

I'll see you in the parking.

[ cries in pain ]

That's it. Keep the breathing slow and relaxed.

That's great.

Try to keep it even.

You're at your 30-second peak.

[ phone ringing ]

Don't force it. Just keep it relaxed.

Hello?

Okay, we're coming up to 45 seconds.

That's it. Just slow, even breaths.

Hello?

Uh-huh.

Can you make it for the last hour?

Okay. See you at home.

Just do me a favor, all right?

Don't short a stock while it's on the way up.

That's nuts.

It went up 30 points in four hours.

There's no stock in the

world's not gonna fall after that.

Don't worry, we'll get it back tomorrow.

[ garbage clatters ]

Hey!

What the hell is bugging you?

I'm making her miserable.

This thing with the baby is just--

geez, doesn't she know how much I love her?

Listen, I'm telling you this from the heart.

Let her know you love her.

Give her a few bucks. Let her buy a nice dress.

Oh, I'm a grandfather.

I'm gonna have a baby.

Geez, I'm gonna have an infant.

You're getting excited about nothing.

How am I gonna...

How am I gonna do this?

Listen to me, women know what to do about babies.

Babies are a woman's thing. You'll do what you can.

She'll do the rest.

That's the way it used to be.

Things haven't changed that much, believe me.

Hey, I know a little bit about women, right?

I'm going home. What?

I'm going home, that's what, that's what, I'm going home.

All right, come on, we'll go inside,

we'll have a drink.

No, no, I don't like to drink alone.

Forget it.

What did--hey, come on, what did I say?

Goodnight. Have fun, have fun.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

I don't know, maybe I'm corny,

but I think there's such a thing as destiny.

What about you, what do you think?

Is there such a thing as destiny?

STEVE: What are you doing?

This place is a mess. I put your stuff in a pile.

You put it where you want it.

I had it where I wanted it.

You want your shorts on the coffee table?

I was using them as a coaster.

You're pissed about the Lamaze thing, aren't you?

I had a crisis, an emergency, all right?

I had a man with chest pains at 6 o'clock.

I got him into the CCU and I still made it to class.

Okay, I missed one lesson in breathing.

I already knew how to breathe.

Now I know how to breathe lying on the floor

with my elbow up my ass.

You're not going to be there when I have the baby, are you?

I told you I might not.

You didn't even try.

I didn't try?

I watched that doctor stick a needle in your stomach.

I went to the hospital,

listened to women getting tortured.

Do you think I found that interesting?

Not everything in life is entertaining.

You bet I'll be screaming and I want you with me.

You know what the problem is?

You got this quirk in your personality.

You like blood so you think everybody else does.

I like blood?

No, that's fine, it makes you a good doctor,

but you got to realize normal people don't like

to hold somebody else's heart in their hands.

I'm not asking you to hold somebody's heart,

I'm asking you to help me give birth to our baby

and it's making you sick.

I'm not the one with the personality problem, pal.

Come on, look.

I said some stupid things last night.

I said some stupid things last night.

You're not getting an argument from me.

Taxi!

Aw, come on. Hey! Hey!

Come on, hey, I love you, come on.

Come back.

Jackie?

Do you have a minute?

I've got a 9 o'clock class.

All right, okay, it's not important.

No, no, come on up. Come on.

Well, it's hard to say this.

My second marriage is starting to have some problems.

I'm sorry to hear that.

And you're having a baby, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah.

She thinks I ought to be more involved, but I, you know,

be a part of the delivery and that kind of thing and...

Look, it isn't fair for me to drag you through all of this.

I just thought maybe you could, I don't know,

I thought maybe you'd be able to help me figure out

what I'm doing wrong.

To tell you the truth,

I don't really think I understand

what she wants from me.

Well, it's probably not very complicated.

She probably wants to know you're listening

and that she's at the top of your list.

Guess I was never very good at that, was I?

Oh, I don't know.

I think maybe I needed that too much.

Just knowing I was loved.

Well, I don't want to make you late for your class.

Thanks.

Sure.

It's funny how our lives have turned out, isn't it?

Yeah.

I'll see you.

Watch your head.

[ mellow theme playing ]

[ trade floor shouting ]

I'm late, I'm sorry.

Give me a market on Bretassa.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Okay, so you're here. Good for you.

What happened to your face?

I had an accident in a taxi.

Stevie!

Hey!

Yeah?

Where?

I'm on my way. Is it okay?

She's in labor. Go give her a kiss from me.

Go, go.

Wait, wait, wait. I need money for a cab.

Here, here, here.

You know, I envy you, having a life together,

memories to share.

Fifty dollars says the baby has blue eyes.

Give me that.

Tell her to lie on her side, it's better for the baby.

[ upbeat theme playing ]

Hey, hey, out!

Out!

[ upbeat theme playing ]

How you doing?

I'm okay.

How close are your contractions?

Pretty close.

What, like about 10 minutes apart?

More like a minute.

Why didn't you call me?

All right, look, go with the breathing, okay.

Just relax and breathe in and out.

You'll be ready to push soon.

I'll check you again in a couple of minutes.

Okay, thanks.

Just relax, baby.

Ohh!

Easy, take it easy. Easy.

Don't blank out, all right.

Breathe.

Open your mouth, breathe. Breathe.

I love you, babe. I love you, Kay.

Ohh, it's coming. What?

The baby's coming.

Nurse! Hello?

Come here, come on. The baby's coming.

Check this woman.

Okay.

Take it easy.

Okay, let's go.

Keep looking at me. Look me in the eye.

Keep breathing.

I don't like this.

Just keep breathing. I love you.

Do you hear me? Do you hear me?

I love you.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

That's good. It's a good sign.

Things are going just the way they ought to.

Oh, God, you're dumb.

Aghh, aghh.

DOCTOR: Okay, I want you to take a deep breath in,

hold it and push down hard.

Push, push, baby, push.

Push. Push.

Come on, Kay, push.

DOCTOR: You're going through

a tremendous amount of pressure soon

and then I'll ask you to stop pushing and pant.

Should she stop now, stop pushing?

No, no, keep pushing. No.Aghh, aghh.

No, keep pushing, keep pushing.

Don't be afraid, all right?

Don't be afraid.Oh, get it--get it out.

Concentrate. You can do it.

Come on, stay in it, stay in it.

Baby's head's coming, baby's head's coming.

It's out now, it's out now.

It's coming, it's coming, coming, the baby's coming.

Pant, pant, pant.

The baby's head's coming.

It's coming. That's it, that's it.

Now, just gently, gently push for the shoulder.

That's good. And you've got a baby girl.

Isn't she pretty?

[ baby crying ]

You did it, babe.

You did it.

Daddy, would you like to cut the cord?

Here you are.

And you can cut right between those two clamps on the cord.

Oh, it's so great. Great.

Take care of yourself, okay?

I will.

[ mellow theme playing ]

[ upbeat theme playing ]

[ phone ringing ]

Yeah?

Right, so buy 15,000.

Yeah, yeah. I'll be in at 10 o'clock.

I've just got to wait for the nurse.

She's good, I just gave her a bottle.

No, not yet.

No, she'll burp,

she just hasn't burped yet, that's all.

For how much?

$50 if she doesn't burp in the next minute.

All right, wait a minute, wait,

I'll put the phone by her mouth.

[ baby giggling and burping ]

You owe me $50.

You lost.

I said--

[ upbeat theme playing ]

[ upbeat theme playing ]