All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S01E12.WEBRip.x264-FGT

WHAT'S GOING ON?

CLAYPOOL'S GOT A COPY OF
YOUR RECORDS FROM REHAB.

WE'RE HERE FOR
WHATEVER YOU NEED.

I DIDN'T ASK YOU OUT.

SHE ASKED ME OUT
ABOUT 49 TIMES

AND I'M SAYING YES
TO ONE OF THEM.

DO YOU BY ANY CHANCE
LIKE OPERA?

YOU'RE ASKING ME
OUT ON A DATE.

NO.

LIKE MOST PEOPLE

I AM A NUT FOR
CHINESE OPERA,
AND WHAT WITH

YOUR GUARANTEE
THERE WON'T BE SEX

I DON'T SEE HOW
I COULD SAY NO.

I'M LORD JOHN MARBRY.

I WAS SUMMONED
BY YOUR PRESIDENT.

WE'VE MET TEN OR 12 TIMES.

THE WORLD IS COMING APART
AT THE SEAMS.

THANK GOD YOU
SENT FOR ME.

President:
WITH NEARLY 18 MILLION NEW JOBS

WAGES RISING AT MORE THAN TWICE
THE RATE OF INFLATION

THE HIGHEST HOME OWNERSHIP
IN HISTORY

THE SMALLEST WELFARE ROLLS
IN 30 YEARS

AND THE LOWEST PEACETIME
UNEMPLOYMENT SINCE 1957

I STAND BEFORE YOU TO REPORT
THAT AMERICA HAS CREATED

THE LONGEST PEACETIME ECONOMIC
EXPANSION IN OUR HISTORY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN THREE DECADES

THE BUDGET IS BALANCED.

FROM A DEFICIT OF $290 MILLION
JUST TEN YEAR...

BILLION DOLLARS.

WHAT?

$290 BILLION.

WHAT DID I SAY?

YOU SAID MILLION

BUT LET'S MOVE ON.

I SAID MILLION?

YUP.

FROM A DEFICIT OF $290 BILLION
JUST TEN...

IT SAYS MILLION
ON THE TELEPROMPTER, BY THE WAY.

SAM.

OUR FAULT.

LET'S TAKE IT BACK.

( coughing )

MR. SPEAKER, MR. VICE PRESIDENT

MEMBERS OF THE 106th CONGRESS...

HE DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD.

YEAH.

HE'S PALE
AND HE'S SWEATING.

I KNOW.

THINK HE'S GETTING SICK?

I DON'T KNOW.

ARE HIS GLANDS SWOLLEN?

DAMN.
WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I
FORGOT TO DO TODAY?

WHAT?

I FORGOT TO FEEL
THE PRESIDENT'S GLANDS.

DO YOU THINK THE JOKE REFLEX
YOU USE AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM

IS WHY YOU HAVE
SO MUCH TROUBLE
KEEPING A MAN?

YOU KNOW...

I'M SAYING
WE'RE 44 HOURS AWAY

FROM THE STATE OF THE UNION

AND HE DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD.

...AND HOW DO WE MAKE
THE AMERICAN DREAM

OF OPPORTUNITY A REALITY
FOR ALL?

I CAME TO THIS HALLOWED CHAMBER
ONE YEAR AGO...

AND I SEE
WE'RE SPELLING "HALLOWED"

WITH A POUND SIGN
IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.

WE'LL FIX THAT.

THE POUND SIGN'S SILENT?

MOVE ON, MR. PRESIDENT.

I CAME TO THIS HALLOWED CHAMBER
ONE YEAR AGO ON A MISSION:

TO RESTORE THE AMERICAN DREAM
FOR ALL OUR PEOPLE

AS WE GAZE AT THE VAST HORIZON
OF POSSIBILITIES OPEN TO US

IN THE 321st CENTURY.

WOW, THAT WAS AMBITIOUS OF ME,
WASN'T IT?

LEO...

LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

WE MEANT "STRONGER"
HERE, RIGHT?

WHAT'S IT SAY?

"I'M PROUD TO REPORT
OUR COUNTRY'S STRANGER

THAN IT WAS A YEAR AGO."

THAT'S A TYPO.

COULD GO EITHER WAY.

SAM...

IT'S TAKEN CARE OF.

MR. PRESIDENT...
YES, SIR.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

WHY IS EVERYONE
ASKING ME THAT TODAY?

WELL, YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.

I'M FINE.

YOU'RE PALE
AND PERSPIRING.

I'M FINE!

YOU SHOULD BE
TAKING SOMETHING, SIR.

I'M TAKING MANY THINGS, C.J.

WHAT ARE YOU TAKING?

I DON'T KNOW.

MY WIFE HANDS ME PILLS,
I SWALLOW THEM WITH WATER.

SIR...
VITAMIN C,
VITAMIN B...

IS IT POSSIBLE I'M
TAKING SOMETHING
CALLED "EUTHANASIA"?

ECHINACEA.

THAT SOUNDS MORE
LIKE IT. TOBY?

YES, SIR.

MR. PRESIDENT...

I'M TAKING PILLS, C.J.

ARE YOU ACTUALLY
TAKING THEM

OR ARE YOU JUST CARRYING THEM
AROUND IN YOUR POCKET?

YOU KNOW, CARRYING THEM
AROUND IN MY POCKET

WAS A PRETTY
BIG STEP FOR ME.

YOU GOT TO TAKE
THE PILLS.

TOBY...
YEAH?

"HOW DO WE MAKE
THE AMERICAN DREAM

A REALITY
FOR ALL WHO WORK FOR IT?"

OH, COME ON.
YOU'VE GOT TO ADD
"WHO WORK FOR IT."

Josh:
THAT WAS ME.

SIR, WE DECIDED THIS
TWO MONTHS AGO.

WE'VE SEEN SOME
PRETTY COMPELLING
POLLING SAMPLES.

WE NEED "PEOPLE
WHO WILL WORK FOR IT"

NO.
AND I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT ELSE:

THE ERA OF
BIG GOVERNMENT IS OVER.

OH, WHEN DID
THIS HAPPEN?

THIS MORNING.
WE HAD A MEETING.

WE DECIDED TO
OFFEND POOR PEOPLE?

THE PEOPLE WE'RE OFFENDING

WON'T BE WATCHING
THE STATE OF THE UNION.

YEAH, I CAN'T
IMAGINE WHY NOT.

IT'S WHAT THEY'RE
LISTENING FOR

ON WELFARE REFORM,
SO SCREW IT.

BUT WHEN YOU GET VISITED
IN THE MIDDLE NIGHT

BY THE GHOST OF
CHRISTMAS FUTURE

DON'T COME RUNNING TO ME.

YOU'RE EXACTLY WHO

I WAS GOING TO
COME RUNNING TO.

YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.

WELL, I'M GAZING INTO
THE 321st CENTURY, MAN.

THERE'S A LOT
ON MY MIND.

LET'S FINISH UP IN HERE.

MR. PRESIDENT...

OH, DEAR GOD, I WILL
TAKE THE PILLS, C.J.

WILL YOU TAKE THEM NOW?

YES. I WILL GO INTO
THE OVAL OFFICE

AND POUR A GLASS OF WATER
FROM THE STEUBEN GLASS PITCHER

A GIFT FROM THE CHRISTIAN
CHARITY NETWORK.

MR. PRESIDENT...

BEFORE YOU START CALLING
ME EBENEZER BARTLET

REMEMBER, I GOT A REALLY
NICE GLASS PITCHER

FOR JUST, YOU KNOW,
BEING A GOOD GUY.

WELL, YOU TURNED ME RIGHT AROUND
ON THAT ONE, MR. PRESIDENT.

SIR...

I WILL TAKE THE PILLS.

YOU KNOW,
HERE'S A THING:

WE HAVEN'T
BEEN INVITED.

Josh:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

TECHNICALLY, THE SPEAKER
OF THE HOUSE INVITES

THE PRESIDENT TO DELIVER
THE STATE OF THE UNION.

AND WE HAVEN'T
BEEN INVITED YET.

NOT YET.

IS SOMEBODY SEEING
TO THIS?

I'LL TAKE
CARE OF IT.

GOOD, 'CAUSE WE
WANT TO REPORT

THE COUNTRY'S
A LOT STRANGER

THAN IT WAS
A YEAR AGO.

( laughs )

I'LL NEVER
LIVE IT DOWN.

( laughs )

( glass and metal crashing )

Leo:
GET A DOCTOR!

Man:
WELL, HIS TEMPERATURE'S 101.9.

I'M FAIRLY SURE
HE'S GOT THE FLU

BUT I WANT TO TAKE HIM
TO BETHESDA FOR A CARDIOGRAM.

I DON'T NEED
A CARDIOGRAM.

LET'S GO.
I GOT DIZZY.

WE'RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL.

I DIDN'T HAVE
A HEART ATTACK, LEO.

I GOT THE FLU.

I DON'T NEED A CARDIOGRAM.

I ALSO WANT BLOOD WORK

AND A CHEST X RAY.

THINK IT'S PNEUMONIA?

NO. I THINK IT'S THE FLU

BUT I DON'T WANT
TO FOOL AROUND.

LEO, I'M FINE.

MR. PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU, MRS. LANDINGHAM.

MRS. LANDINGHAM,
HOW DO I LOOK TO YOU?

YOU'RE A VERY
HANDSOME MAN,
MR. PRESIDENT.

YOU SEE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IT CAN WAIT UNTIL
MORNING, BUT I WANT

TO STAY WITH HIM
ANOTHER HOUR OR TWO.

DO THE BLOOD WORK,
SEND IT TO THE LAB

GET THE CARDIOGRAM
AND CHEST X RAY TOMORROW.

SURE.

YOU'RE GOING TO BED.

CAN'T YET.
MR. PRESIDENT...

SITUATION.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS

AND THEN YOU'RE GETTING
INTO BED.

WE'LL MEET YOU
IN THE RESIDENCE

IN A FEW MINUTES.

WHOA!
WHOA!

JUST A LITTLE JOKE.

YOU'RE A REAL CUTUP.

101.9 AND I STILL GOT IT.

YES, INDEED, SIR.

I'M GOING TO TELL HIM STEADY
BUT NOT EGREGIOUS, SIR.

WE'RE ALL OKAY WITH THAT?

YES, SIR.
YEAH.

ADMIRAL...

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

WE'VE GOT THE SECOND, THE THIRD,
103rd, 106th AND 107th.

THANK YOU.

ANYONE KNOW
IF THE CELTICS WON TONIGHT?

WE CAN GET THAT
INFORMATION, SIR.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

SIR, THERE HAVE BEEN STEADY
BUT NOT EGREGIOUS CLASHES

ALONG THE CEASE-FIRE LINE.

IF YOU LOOK
AT THE PHOTO-RECON ANALYSIS

YOU'LL SEE INDIA'S MOVED
NEW UNITS

INTO THEIR FORCE STRUCTURES
AT THE BORDER.

IT WAS A TWO-WEEK CEASE-FIRE.

THERE'S FOUR DAYS LEFT.

SIR, THEY'RE GETTING READY.

WHAT'S INTEL SAYING
ABOUT THE PAKISTANIS?

THEY'RE DESPERATELY CONCERNED

THAT IF THE INDIANS
CONTINUE THEIR OFFENSIVE

THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO DEFEND THE
CAPITAL WITH CONVENTIONAL FORCE.

IS THIS WHINING
OR IS THIS FOR REAL?

BAZIN'S GIVEN COMMAND CONTROL
OF SOME OF THEIR NUCLEAR WEAPONS

TO FIELD COMMANDERS IN THEATRE

BUT I THINK THEY'RE JUST TRYING
TO GET OUR ATTENTION.

THEY GOT MINE.

AND THEY'VE GOT CHINA'S.

SIR, I'M GOING TO SCRAMBLE
THE B-1s OUT OF MANILA

AND PUT THE 49th TACTICAL
AND RECON ON READY-ALERT.

I'M GOING TO BED

BUT SOMEBODY CALL ME
IF THERE'S MOVEMENT.

YES, SIR.

MR. PRESIDENT...

YEAH?

CELTICS LOST IN OVERTIME.

GOOD NIGHT.

All:
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

OH, IT WAS VERY CUTE.

SO, I GROW THE REST
OF THE BEARD BACK?

YEAH.
OKAY.

HELLO.

C.J., DON'T YOU THINK
DANNY LOOKED VERY CUTE

WITH THE FULL BEARD?

I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER THOUGHT
ABOUT IT.

WELL, TAKE YOUR TIME.

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

I JUST CAME BY
TO SEE MY FISH.

THE FISH IS FINE

AND I NEED MY OFFICE.

YES.
I'M LEAVING?

GOOD NIGHT.
OKAY. GOOD NIGHT.

HE GAVE ME A FISH
A FEW WEEKS AGO--

THAT ONE THERE.

IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU

TO BE FRIENDLIER TO HIM.

DOESN'T SEEM TO KILL YOU.

C.J.!

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

YES.

C.J....
I WAS KIDDING.

YOU SOUNDED SERIOUS.

I'M VERY DRY.

THE STORY'S GOING

TO BREAK TOMORROW.

LEO?
YEAH.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

IT'S ON THE INTERNET.

THE WHOLE THING?
YEAH.

I'LL GO SEE HIM.

WE WEREN'T INVITED?

THAT'S RIGHT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS
A CONSTITUTIONAL
REQUIREMENT.

IT IS.

THEN WHY DO WE HAVE
TO BE INVITED?

IT'S A TECHNICALITY.

I DON'T GET...

IT DATES BACK
TO PARLIAMENT.

WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?

OKAY.

ALSO REMIND JOSH
TO PICK A GUY.

"PICK A GUY"?

YEAH.

HE'LL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

YEAH.

'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW.

MARGARET!
OKAY.

EXCUSE ME.

OH, HEY, C.J.

HEY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HOW'S THE PRESIDENT?

HE'S IN BED.

HACKET'S UP THERE WITH HIM.

DOES THE FIRST LADY KNOW?

SHE CANCELED THE TRIP.

SHE'S ON HER WAY
BACK FROM ANDREWS.

LEO...

IT'S GOING TO BREAK...
TOMORROW?

YEAH. IT'S ON THE INTERNET
RIGHT NOW.

OKAY.

WHY DON'T WE DO
A PREEMPTIVE...
YEAH.

YOU'LL TALK
TO THE PRESS
IN THE MORNING.
YEAH.

I'M GOING TO WORK
WITH YOU FIRST, OKAY?

YEAH.

OKAY.

OKAY.

President:
IT TESTED VERY WELL.

I'M NOT SAYING
WE'RE DOING IT, TOBY.

I JUST WANT TO TRY IT
AND SEE HOW IT READS.

"THE ERA
OF BIG GOVERNMENT IS OVER."

ALL RIGHT, THANKS.

HOW ARE YOU
FEELING, SIR?

I'M FEELING ROUGHLY THE SAME
AS I WAS FEELING

WHEN YOU ASKED ME
FOUR MINUTES AGO.

I'M SORRY.

THAT'S OKAY.

THIS ISN'T THE WORST
OF IT, CHARLIE.

THE WORST OF IT'S COMING

UP THE STAIRS
RIGHT NOW.

Abbey:
HELLO.

HELLO.

GOOD EVENING,
MA'AM.

HEY, CHARLIE,
HOW YOU DOING?

MA'AM, I'M
ADMIRAL HACKET.

I WAS ON DUTY
WHEN IT HAPPENED.

CHARLIE, WOULD YOU MIND
GETTING MY BAG, PLEASE?

ABBEY...

( sighs )

YEAH.

"101.9"?

YES, MA'AM.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU CHECKED?

ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

PULSE AND PRESSURE?

THE PRESSURE DROPPED
BEFORE HE FAINTED

BUT IT'S COMING BACK.

"105/70."

YES.

I WANT TO PUT HIM
ON AN I.V. SALINE
AND VITAMIN SOLUTION.

HONEY, YOU STILL DIZZY?

I WAS WONDERING
WHEN YOU WOULD NOTICE ME.

NO.
ARE YOU STILL DIZZY?

HE'S LYING.

GIVE HIM FLUMADINE.

100 MILLIGRAMS

TWICE A DAY.
YES, MA'AM.

THANK YOU, ADMIRAL.

WOULD YOU MIND
WAITING OUTSIDE?

NO, MA'AM.

CHARLIE, WOULD YOU MIND
WAITING OUTSIDE FOR A MINUTE?

NO, MA'AM. DO YOU
NEED ANYTHING?

NO. THANKS VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE VERY SEXY

WHEN YOU'RE IN DOCTOR MODE,
YOU KNOW THAT?

"GET ME AN I.V. SALINE SOLUTION

AND 100 MILLIGRAMS
OF FLUMADINE, STAT."

I COULD JUMP YOU RIGHT NOW.

I COULD KILL
YOU RIGHT NOW.

MY THING'S MORE FUN.

IT TOOK YOU 25 MINUTES
TO CALL ME.

FITZWALLACE CALLED ME
TO THE SITUATION ROOM.

THERE WAS MORE MOVEMENT
IN KASHMIR.

I DON'T CARE IF CANADA INVADED
MICHIGAN, JED. YOU CALL ME.

ABBEY...

STOP TALKING.

I BROKE THE STEUBEN GLASS
PITCHER IN THE OVAL OFFICE.

THAT'S OKAY.

SERIOUSLY, ABBEY, I'M FINE.

YOU COULD'VE HIT YOUR HEAD

ON SOMETHING.
( groans )

WELL, I DIDN'T.

WAS IT LIKE THE TIME
IN NANTUCKET?

YEAH.

OR WAS IT MORE LIKE
THE TIME AT MY PARENTS'?

I REALLY DON'T REMEMBER.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE
ASLEEP IN A MINUTE.

FITZWALLACE SAID THE PAKISTANIS
HAVE GIVEN COMMAND-CONTROL

OF SOME NUCLEAR WEAPONS
TO THE FIELD.

IT'S OKAY.

LEO'S IN THE WEST WING.

JUST GO TO SLEEP.

I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THE PITCHER.

I WAS TAKING THE PILLS
YOU GAVE ME.

JUST GO TO SLEEP.

I COULD JUMP YOU
RIGHT NOW.

YEAH, SURE YOU COULD.

Josh:
I DON'T THINK
IT'S BEING SORTED

IN THE MAILROOM.

IT'S AN INVITATION
TO THE PRESIDENT

TO ADDRESS CONGRESS.

I'M ASSUMING
IT WAS HAND DELIVERED.

THANK YOU.

YES.

MARGARET CAME BY.

YES!

SHE SAID LEO SAID
TO REMIND YOU

YOU NEED TO
PICK A GUY.

SAID YOU'D KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.

YEAH.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS?
YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.

SOMEONE FROM THE LINE
OF SUCCESSION

IS REQUIRED TO BE ABSENT
FROM THE STATE OF THE UNION.

WHY?

DONNA...

WAIT, I KNOW WHY.
YES.

SO IF SOMEBODY BLOWS
UP THE BUILDING...
YES.

WHO YOU GOING
TO PICK?

WHO DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD PICK?

I THINK YOU
SHOULD PICK ME.

YOU THINK SO?

YEAH. I'D BE GOOD.

AND WHERE EXACTLY

DO YOU FALL IN THE
LINE OF SUCCESSION?

IF SOMEBODY BLOWS UP
THE CAPITOL BUILDING

DURING THE STATE
OF THE UNION

I'D IMAGINE I'D
MOVE UP A FEW SLOTS.

FAIR POINT.

SO WHO'S IT
GOING TO BE?

ROGER TRIBBY.

THE SECRETARY
OF AGRICULTURE?

YES. LISTEN...

BE SWEET TO MARGARET
AND LEO TODAY.

THIS MAY NOT BE THE WORST DAY
OF THEIR LIVES

BUT IT'S GOT TO BE
IN THE TOP FIVE.

OKAY.

SEE YOU LATER.

Leo:
"I DEEPLY REGRET THE PAIN

AND TROUBLE THIS HAS CAUSED
FOR THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE."

WHEN YOU LEFT
SIERRA TUCSON

DID YOU START
ATTENDING MEETINGS?

A.A. MEETINGS?

C.J.:
DON'T SAY A.A.

IF THEY DON'T SAY A.A.

Josh:
WHEN YOU LEFT
SIERRA TUCSON

DID YOU START
ATTENDING MEETINGS?

YES.

DO YOU STILL
ATTEND THEM?

YES.

WHERE?

I WON'T ANSWER THAT.

HOW OFTEN?

I WON'T ANSWER THAT, EITHER.

Josh:
HOW ABOUT...

"AS OFTEN AS
I NEED TO"?

"NEED"?

HE'S RIGHT.
DON'T ANSWER IT.

WHAT ELSE?

HAS THE PRESIDENT
KNOWN?

THE PRESIDENT AND I
HAVE A LONG HISTORY

AND A VERY CLOSE
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP.

YOU DIDN'T ANSWER
THE QUESTION.

THE PRESIDENT HAS KNOWN

AS WELL AS THE FBI
AND THE SECRET SERVICE.

DID THEY RAISE
ANY OBJECTION
TO A MAN

WITH YOUR PROBLEM BEING
IN SUCH A SENSITIVE POSITION?

YEAH. THEY WERE CONCERNED

I'D SELL STATE SECRETS
TO BOLIVIA

FOR A QUICK...
IT'S NOT A TOTALLY

UNREASONABLE QUESTION.

YEAH, I'M ALL SET.

OKAY.

LEO, I WROTE A DRAFT

OF THE PRESIDENT'S
STATEMENT OF SUPPORT.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO...
WHAT DID YOU DO?

DRAFTED THE PRESIDENT'S
STATEMENT OF SUPPORT.

WHO TOLD YOU TO DO THAT?

LEO, THE PRESIDENT'S
IN NO CONDITION...

I KNOW WHAT CONDITION HE'S IN.

I'M ASKING, WHO TOLD YOU

TO WRITE A STATEMENT
OF SUPPORT?

TOBY TOLD HIM TO...

NOBODY HAD
TO TELL ME.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET ATTACKED.

IT'S WHAT I DO.

NO, YOUR JOB ISN'T
TO PROTECT ME, SAM.

IT'S TO PROTECT
THE PRESIDENT.

LEO...
DO ME A FAVOR, SAM.

DON'T SHOW INITIATIVE.

DON'T RUSH TO MY DEFENSE.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE
YOU ON CROSSFIRE

OR ON LARRY KING.

I DON'T WANT TO
READ YOUR NAME

IN NEWSWEEK, UNLESS
IT IS IN ADVOCACY

OF THE PRESIDENT'S AGENDA.

I GO DOWN, I GO DOWN.

I'M NOT TAKING
ANYONE WITH ME.

IS THAT CLEAR?

YES, SIR.

I'M ALL SET.

GO BACK TO WORK.

WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS,
YOUR TEMPERATURE'S GONE DOWN.

CAN I GO TO
THE OFFICE?

NO.
WHY NOT?

IT HASN'T GONE
DOWN ENOUGH

AND IT'S GOING TO GO
BACK UP AGAIN.

WHY?

'CAUSE YOU HAVE
THE FLU.

HERE'S THE THING,
THOUGH:

I NEVER REALLY SAW
YOU STUDY WHILE YOU
WERE IN MED SCHOOL.

DEEP BREATH.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE LISTENING
FOR RIGHT NOW?

( inhaling )

DO YOU KNOW
HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE

I COULD'VE MARRIED?

HOW MANY?

SHH.

I'M GOING
TO THE OFFICE.

OKAY.

REALLY?

FEEL FREE.

OKAY.

UH-OH.

ANYTHING ELSE?

( groans )

ALL RIGHT.

I THINK I'LL
STAY HERE FOR
A LITTLE BIT.

OKAY.

LEO?

MM-HMM?

THEY'RE READY
FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

YOU NEED ANYTHING?

NO.

( shutters clicking )

GOOD MORNING.

Reporters:
GOOD MORNING.

A STORY WHICH MANY,
IF NOT MOST OF YOU

ARE AWARE OF ALREADY

WILL BREAK IN WIDE CIRCULATION
BY THE END OF THE DAY.

I'D LIKE TO TAKE
THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO READ A BRIEF STATEMENT

BEFORE I ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS.

"IN JUNE OF 1993,
I VOLUNTARILY ADMITTED MYSELF

"TO THE SIERRA TUCSON
REHABILITATION FACILITY

TO TREAT AN ADDICTION
TO ALCOHOL AND VALIUM."

( shutters clicking )

"I AM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC
AND DRUG ADDICT.

( shutters clicking )

"I DEEPLY REGRET
THE PAIN AND TROUBLE

"THIS HAS CAUSED
FOR THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

I'D LIKE TO, AT THIS POINT,
CLARIFY A FEW THINGS..."

Donna:
ROGER TRIBBY.

YES.

I DON'T KNOW
WHY YOU'RE PICKING

THE SECRETARY
OF AGRICULTURE.

BECAUSE THE
ATTORNEY GENERAL

THE SECRETARIES OF STATE,
DEFENSE AND THE TREASURY

ARE FAMOUS FACES AND
WE WANT THE CAMERA
TO FIND THEM.

SO IF THE CAPITOL BUILDING
BLOWS UP...

YES.

THE MAN MY COUNTRY
WILL BE LOOKING TO

IS THE SECRETARY
OF AGRICULTURE.

IT'S MY COUNTRY, TOO.

BUT YOU'LL BE DEAD.

WHICH IS WHY I DON'T
CARE THAT MUCH.

JOSH...

DONNA, I DON'T
ANTICIPATE

THE CAPITOL BUILDING
EXPLODING.

WHAT PERCENTAGE
OF THINGS EXPLODING
HAVE BEEN ANTICIPATED?

NOW YOU'RE
BRINGING ME DOWN.

I WOULD THINK SO.

SAM.

YEAH.

I THOUGHT
HE DID WELL.

YEAH, HE DID.

I READ THE STATEMENT
YOU WROTE FOR THE
PRESIDENT...

SENSATIONAL, SAM.

I'M SORRY NO ONE'S
GOING TO READ IT.

THE PRESIDENT'S
GOING TO READ IT.

HE'S READING IT
RIGHT NOW.

SAM...

I DON'T CARE.

LEO'S GOING TO KILL US.

I DON'T CARE. DO YOU?

NAH.

Man:
TOBY, WE'RE CONCERNED
THAT THE SPEECH

CONTAINS A NUMBER
OF POSITIONS

THAT DEMOCRATS
IN CONGRESS

AREN'T QUITE
ON BOARD WITH YET.

THEY'RE FREE TO WRITE
THEIR OWN SPEECH.

I UNDERSTAND,
BUT THEY'RE THE ONES

WHO ARE GOING TO HAVE
TO RUN AGAINST THIS

A YEAR FROM NOW.

WHAT ARE YOUR CONCERNS?

WE FEEL, EVEN IN THIS DRAFT...

AND YOU'VE MADE SOME PROGRESS.

YES, BUT EVEN IN THIS DRAFT

THERE'S TOO MUCH
EMPHASIS PLACED

ON THE ROLE
OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

I'VE PARED DOWN...

WE KNOW.

( sighs )

( clears throat )

THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY
FOR A PEP RALLY.

THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY
TO TRUMPET GOVERNMENT.

WHY PRETEND
TO BE SORRY

FOR INTRUDING?

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE
WANT TO HEAR.

SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.

TOBY...

PICK YOUR SECTION
OF THE SPEECH

FIGHT WITH ME ABOUT IT,
I'LL LOSE, AND I CALL IN

THE NEXT GROUP.
NOW, YOU UNDERSTAND...

PICK A SECTION.

THERE'S A LINE
WAITING OUTSIDE.

I'VE GOT 31 HOURS TO-TO
FINISH WRITING THIS...

WE DON'T...
FEDERAL FUNDING

FOR THE ARTS.

THE N.E.A.

( heavy sigh )

LET US OPEN OUR
HYMNALS TO PAGE 22.

( chuckling )

( no audio )

LEO?

YEAH.

MALLORY'S HERE.

OKAY.

THANKS. DAD!

HEY, MAL.

ARE YOU OKAY?
I'M FINE.

YOU TOLD ME YOUR
PRESS CONFERENCE

WOULD BE THIS
AFTERNOON.

I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T KNOW;
THAT IT PROBABLY...

I WANTED TO BE THERE.

IT'S OKAY.

NO, IT'S NOT. MOM AND
I SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE.

YES, DEFINITELY
A PICTURE OF ME

STANDING NEXT TO
MY ESTRANGED WIFE...

DAD.
MALLORY.

I DON'T WANT TO
FIGHT WITH YOU.

OKAY.

ANYWAY...

I SAW A COPY OF THE
PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT.

WHAT STATEMENT?

FOR THE PRESS.

SUPPORTING YOU.

IT'S FLOATING AROUND.

"IT'S FLOATING AROUND."

IT'S VERY MOVING, DAD.

HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.

EXCUSE ME.

PAGE ONE AND TWO.

SAM...
YEAH.

WHERE ARE WE AT?

UH, WE'RE GETTING
SLAPPED AROUND
ON THE N.E.A.

OH, MAN! WHY IS HE...?

JOSH.

ON THE N.E.A., HE'S
PUTTING UP A FIGHT?

YOU DID IT AGAIN.

LEO.
YOU DID IT AGAIN.

I UNDERSTAND YOUR
BEING PISSED OFF...

HAS THE PRESIDENT SEEN IT?

YES, AND HE...

WHO GAVE IT TO HIM?

LEO...

WHO GAVE IT TO HIM?

I DID.
I DID.

WHAT, YOU'RE GIVING ME
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO?

I DID.

I TOLD YOU...

THEY WANT TO TEAR YOU DOWN,
PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

THEY DON'T LIKE YOU,
SO THIS IS WHAT THEY DO.

AND FOR US
NOT TO DEFEND YOU...

I DISOBEYED YOU.
I APOLOGIZE.

BUT THAT'S THE WAY
IT IS.
LEO...

YEAH.

THE FIRST LADY'S
IN YOUR OFFICE.

THANK YOU.

THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED.

AH-HA-AH.
ABBEY...

YOU'VE GOT AN ITCH
FOR SAM SEABORN.

I DO NOT HAVE AN ITCH.

A LITTLE ITCH.

ABBEY, HE...

WANT A NICKEL'S WORTH
OF FREE ADVICE?

SURE.

DON'T GO FOR
THE GENIUSES.

THEY NEVER WANT
TO SLEEP.

HEY.

OH, LEO. HI.

I HOPE I DIDN'T TAKE
YOU AWAY FROM SOMETHING.

OH, NO, NO, NO.

MALLORY, WOULD YOU MIND...?

I DO NOT
HAVE AN ITCH!

MALLORY!

I'M GOING.

BYE, SWEETIE.

BYE, DADDY.

( groans )

YOU DID GOOD TODAY.

THANK YOU.

MALLORY'S VERY
PROUD OF YOU.

WELL...

LEO, I CAME BY
BECAUSE I WANTED TO ASK YOU:

DO YOU THINK
THERE'S A HUGE DOWNSIDE

TO POSTPONING FOR A FEW DAYS?

DID THE FEVER GO BACK UP?

NO, IT'S GOING DOWN.

ABBEY...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING.
UH, LIKE I SAY...

WHAT SHOULD I KNOW
THAT I DON'T KNOW?

I JUST THOUGHT
WE SHOULD BE

ON THE SAFE SIDE.
WHY'D YOU CANCEL YOUR TRIP?

BECAUSE HE HAS...

BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT
HAS A TEMPERATURE.

WELL, THE PRESIDENT'S
NOT IN NURSERY SCHOOL.

LOOK, IF IT'S A PROBLEM
TO POSTPONE, THEN...

IT'S NOT A PROBLEM
TO POSTPONE.

OF COURSE,
I WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING

TO JEOPARDIZE
THE PRESIDENT'S HEALTH.

WHAT I'M SAYING...

LEO, PLEASE.

HEY, HEY, HEY...

THIS IS ME.

THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.

I SEE YOU TRYING
TO COVER THE PANIC.

I SEE YOU
PRESCRIBING MEDICATION.

I THINK YOU'RE
GIVING HIM SHOTS.

WHAT DOES HE HAVE
HE CAN'T TELL PEOPLE?

HE HAS THE FLU.

OH! YOU WOULD NOT HAVE
COME BACK FOR THE FLU, ABBEY.

HE FAINTED.

HE WAS RUNNING A FEVER.

ABBEY...

HE HAS MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS, LEO.

OH, ABBEY.

A FEVER COULD BE
LIFE THREATENING.

you must never say
to Chief Bennett.

He's married to someone else,
and so are you.

President:
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DON'T ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS
HAVE JOBS?

I DON'T KNOW,
MR. PRESIDENT.

I THINK ONE OF THEM
IS A SURGEON.

THEY SEEM TO HAVE
A LOT OF FREE TIME

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

( phone ringing )

HELLO.

AND THAT WOMAN'S CHANGED
HER CLOTHES

QUITE A LOT
FOR ONE AFTERNOON.

MR. PRESIDENT,
MR. McGARRY'S OUTSIDE.

YEAH.

WOULD YOU MIND
STEPPING OUT, CHARLIE?

NO, SIR.

ABBEY PHONED ME UP AND TOLD ME
ABOUT YOUR CONVERSATION.

I WAS DIAGNOSED
ABOUT SEVEN YEARS AGO.

MY LIFE EXPECTANCY IS NORMAL.

MY PARTICULAR COURSE OF M.S.
IS CALLED RELAPSING-REMITTING

WHICH MEANS I SHOULD EXPERIENCE
TOTAL RECOVERY AFTER ATTACKS.

ABBEY GIVES ME INJECTIONS
OF SOMETHING CALLED BETASERON

AND THAT REDUCES THE FREQUENCY.

FEVER AND STRESS
TEND TO BE TWO THINGS

THAT WILL INDUCE AN ATTACK.

WELL, YOU'RE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES

YOU'RE DELIVERING THE STATE
OF THE UNION ADDRESS

TOMORROW NIGHT

INDIA AND PAKISTAN
ARE POINTING

NUCLEAR WEAPONS
AT EACH OTHER

AND YOU HAVE
A 102-DEGREE FEVER

SO I GUESS WE'RE
OUT OF THE WOODS, HMM?

101.9.

JED... OF ALL THE THINGS

THAT YOU COULD'VE
KEPT FROM ME...

YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME JED
SINCE I WAS ELECTED.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

'CAUSE I WANTED
TO BE THE PRESIDENT.

THAT WOULDN'T
HAVE STOPPED ME

FROM GETTING YOU HERE.

AND I COULD'VE
BEEN A FRIEND.

YOU'VE BEEN A FRIEND.

BUT WHEN IT WAS TIME
TO REALLY...

I KNOW.

WHEN I WAS LYING ON MY FACE
IN THE MOTEL PARKING LOT

YOU WERE THE ONE
I CALLED.

WHEN YOU STOOD UP THERE
TODAY, I WAS SO PROUD.

I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU.

NAH, NAH.

I TRIED TO GET UP,
AND I FELL BACK DOWN AGAIN.

I KNOW THE FEELING.

( chuckles )

I'M SO SORRY, LEO.

I REALLY AM.

( knocking on door )

Charlie:
MR. PRESIDENT?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YEAH, CHARLIE?

LORD MARBURY.

YEAH, GIVE US A MINUTE,
WOULD YOU PLEASE?

( sighs )

Burns:
NOW, THE PRESIDENT'S PROPOSING
IN HIS SPEECH

THAT THE BUDGET FOR THE N.E.A.
BE INCREASED BY 50%?

THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT
AMOUNTS TO LESS

THAN 1/100th OF ONE PERCENT
OF THE TOTAL BUDGET

FOR THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

IT COSTS TAXPAYERS
39 CENTS A YEAR.

THE ARTS BUDGET
FOR THE UNITED STATES

IS EQUIVALENT TO THE ARTS
BUDGET OF SWEDEN.

WITH SUCH A BIG DEAL
BEING MADE

OUT OF THE PERFORMANCE ART

OF THE MAPPLETHORPE
PHOTOGRAPHS...

YOU GAY-BASHING, RAYMOND?

WELL, ONCE AGAIN,
ALL WE'D LIKE

IS FOR YOU
TO NOT MENTION THE N.E.A.

PERSONALLY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY TO PEOPLE

WHO ARGUE THAT THE N.E.A.
IS THERE TO SUPPORT ART

THAT NOBODY WANTED TO PAY FOR
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL PEOPLE

WHEN THEY SAY ROGERS AND HART
DIDN'T NEED THE N.E.A.

TO WRITE OKLAHOMA!

AND ARTHUR MURRAY
DIDN'T NEED THE N.E.A.

TO WRITE DEATH OF SALESMAN.

I'D START BY TELLING THEM

THAT ROGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN
WROTE OKLAHOMA!

AND ARTHUR MURRAY TAUGHT
BALLROOM DANCE.

ARTHUR MILLER,
ON THE OTHER HAND,
DID NEED THE N.E.A.

TO WRITE DEATH OF A SALESMAN

ONLY IT WASN'T CALLED
THE N.E.A. BACK THEN--

IT WAS CALLED THE W.P.A.,
AND IT WAS ROOSEVELT'S...

IT WAS ROOSEVELT'S...

TOBY?

YEAH.

YOU STOPPED TALKING
IN THE MIDDLE OF A...

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
THIS MEETING'S OVER.

Marbury:
YOU KNOW, THERE ARE SOME
MARVELOUS FLU REMEDIES

KNOWN IN CERTAIN REMOTE PARTS
OF THE SUBCONTINENT.

LICORICE ROOT, FOR INSTANCE

COMBINED WITH BAMBOO SAP
AND A STRONG SHOT OF WHISKEY.

UH, GINGER ROOT, ALSO

UH, MIXED WITH, UM,
UH, CITRUS PEEL.

AND A STRONG
SHOT OF WHISKEY?

YES, OF COURSE.
IN FACT, YOU CAN THROW OUT

THE GINGER ROOT AND CITRUS PEEL
AND STILL BE

WELL ON YOUR WAY.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME, JOHN?

WELL, UM, AFTER SPEAKING
AT LENGTH THIS PAST WEEK

WITH YOUR SECRETARIES
OF STATE AND DEFENSE

AS WELL AS THE JOINT CHIEFS
AND VARIOUS EMBASSY OFFICIALS

I BELIEVE THIS:

BUY THEM OFF.

BUY THEM?

YES, SIR.

HOW?

MR. PRESIDENT,
FOR SEVERAL CENTURIES

MY KINGDOM HAS RULED INDIA
WITH A STICK AND CARROT.

WHEN WE HAD A PARTICULAR PROBLEM
WITH SOMEONE

ONE SOLUTION WE WOULD TRY
IS TO MAKE HIM A MAHARAJA.

THAT'S A KIND
OF REGIONAL KING.

WE WOULD PAY HIM OFF
WITH AN ANNUAL TRIBUTE

AND IN RETURN,
HE WOULD BE LOYAL TO THE CROWN.

LORD MARBURY,
UNDER OUR CONSTITUTION

THE PRESIDENT IS

NOT EMPOWERED
TO CREATE MAHARAJAS.

YES, THANK YOU
FOR CLEARING THAT UP, LEO.

HAVING BEEN EDUCATED
AT CAMBRIDGE AND THE SORBONNE

I AM, AS YOU KNOW,
EXCEEDINGLY STUPID.

JOHN, PLEASE...

YOU'VE BEEN PAYING THE WORLD OFF

SINCE THE INDUSTRIAL AGE.

FOREIGN AID DURING THE COLD WAR

WAS YOU PAYING DICTATORS
TO BE ON YOUR SIDE.

TO THIS VERY DAY,
YOU PAY NORTH KOREA

NOT TO DEVELOP NUCLEAR WEAPONS.

WHAT DOES INDIA WANT?

A COMPUTER INDUSTRY.

AND FOR THAT,
THEY REQUIRE AN INFRASTRUCTURE

AND THAT IS
WHAT YOU CAN GIVE THEM.

WHY?

IT'S THE PRICE YOU PAY.

FOR AVOIDING A WAR
HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD?

FOR BEING RICH, FREE AND ALIVE,
ALL AT THE SAME TIME

AND FOR THE CRIMINALLY

NEGLIGENT BEHAVIOR
OF YOUR CONGRESS IN NOT CHECKING

THE PROLIFERATION
OF NUCLEAR DEVICES.

YOUR FRIEND, THE
PRIME MINISTER...

RIKKI.

HE'S GOING TO GO FOR THIS?

IF IT'S HANDLED PROPERLY.

ALL RIGHT,
YOU TELL THE AMBASSADOR

WE'LL DISCUSS THIS
IN THREE MONTHS.

IN THREE MONTHS, JOHN.

I DON'T WANT THIS
TO BE LIKE QUID PRO QUO.

YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THE CARROT.

LEO, WHAT'S THE STICK?

IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS

WE WANT TO SEE RECON PHOTOS

OF INDIAN DIVISIONS
RETREATING.

IF WE DON'T,
WE'RE GOING TO SEIZE

INDIAN ASSETS IN THE U.S.

AND SO WILL OUR NATO ALLIES

AND G-7'S GOING
TO CALL IN ITS LOANS.

THEY PUT COMMAND-CONTROL
IN THE FIELD AGAIN, JOHN

AND WE'RE GOING TO GET PHYSICAL.

YOU MAKE DAMN SURE
THEY KNOW THAT.

WELL, THEN, UH,
I HAVE MY INSTRUCTIONS.

TALK TO THE AMBASSADOR.

I WANT FITZWALLACE
TO HAVE PHOTOS

IN 24 HOURS.

YES, SIR.

MR. PRESIDENT?

YES, CHARLIE.

TOBY'S HERE.

TOBY, COME IN PLEASE.

I'M GOING BACK
TO THE OFFICE.

LET'S HOPE.

HEY, TOBY.

LEO.

HOW YOU FEELING,
MR. PRESIDENT?

MUCH BETTER,
THANK YOU.

GOOD.

YOU KNOW, I WAS WATCHING
A TELEVISION PROGRAM BEFORE

WITH A SORT OF
A ROVING MODERATOR WHO SPOKE

TO A SEATED PANEL OF YOUNG WOMEN

WHO WERE HAVING SOME SORT OF
PROBLEM WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS

APPARENTLY BECAUSE
THE BOYFRIENDS HAD ALL SLEPT

WITH THE GIRLFRIENDS' MOTHERS.

THEN THEY BROUGHT THE BOYFRIENDS
OUT, AND THEY ALL FOUGHT

RIGHT THERE
ON TELEVISION.

TOBY, TELL ME

THESE PEOPLE DON'T VOTE,
DO THEY?

I WOULDN'T THINK SO,
NO, SIR.

EXCUSE ME

MR. PRESIDENT.

WHAT DO YOU NEED, JOSH?

I ASKED JOSH
TO JOIN ME HERE, SIR.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

"THE ERA OF BIG
GOVERNMENT IS OVER."

YOU WANT TO CUT THE LINE?

I WANT TO CHANGE
THE SENTIMENT.

WE'RE RUNNING AWAY
FROM OURSELVES

AND I KNOW WE CAN
SCORE POINTS THAT WAY.

I WAS THE PRINCIPLE
ARCHITECT OF THAT
CAMPAIGN STRATEGY

RIGHT ALONG WITH YOU, JOSH.

BUT WE'RE HERE NOW.

TOMORROW NIGHT,
WE DO AN IMMENSE THING.

WE HAVE TO SAY
WHAT WE FEEL.

THAT GOVERNMENT,
NO MATTER WHAT ITS
FAILURES IN THE PAST

AND IN TIMES TO COME,
FOR THAT MATTER

GOVERNMENT CAN BE A PLACE
WHERE PEOPLE COME TOGETHER

AND WHERE NO ONE
GETS LEFT BEHIND.

NO ONE...

GETS LEFT BEHIND.

AN INSTRUMENT OF... GOOD.

I HAVE NO TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING
WHY THE LINE TESTED WELL, JOSH

BUT I DON'T THINK
THAT MEANS

WE SHOULD SAY IT.

I THINK THAT MEANS
WE SHOULD... CHANGE IT.

I THINK SO, TOO.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, JOSH?

I MAKE IT A POINT
NEVER TO DISAGREE WITH TOBY

WHEN HE'S RIGHT, MR. PRESIDENT.

THEN YOU AND SAM GET YOUR PEOPLE
TOGETHER AND GET TO WORK.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU.

( sing-songy ):
YOU'RE JEALOUS
'CAUSE DANNY WAS FLIRTING

WITH MANDY.

WHEN DID I SAY THAT?

I READ BETWEEN
THE LINES.

THERE ARE NO LINES.

C.J., IT CAN BE
PRETTY CONFUSING
SOMETIMES.

I'M AT THIS PLACE
WITH MALLORY

WHERE I DON'T KNOW
IF SHE LIKES ME.

I DON'T KNOW
IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

I DON'T KNOW
IF SHE'S INDIFFERENT ALTOGETHER.

I JUST WISH
SHE'D GET PAST IT

SO WE CAN MOVE ON.

SAM, DID YOU WRITE THIS
STATEMENT DEFENDING MY FATHER?

UH, YES.

WELL, NOW I'M EVEN
MORE CONFUSED.

Josh:
YES.

THOUGH I'VE GOT TO SAY,
I'M ENJOYING BEING A WRITER.

YES.

CAROL, IS DANNY CONCANON
IN THE PRESS ROOM?

YEAH.

WOULD YOU HAVE HIM
COME TO MY OFFICE, PLEASE?

Abbey:
I WANT TO TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE

ONE LAST TIME.

ABBEY...

I WANT TO TAKE
YOUR TEMPERATURE.

YOU'VE TAKEN IT
14 TIMES IN THE
LAST THREE HOURS.

YOU'RE NOT
TAKING IT AGAIN.

MM, FINE.
AT LEAST NOT WITH
A THERMOMETER.

OH, JED.

IF YOU WANT TO TAKE
IT RECREATIONALLY...

OH, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
WITH YOU, YOU KNOW THAT?

YES. I DO.

WHY IS "HALLOWED" SPELLED
WITH A POUND SIGN IN THE MIDDLE?

I STOPPED ASKING
THOSE QUESTIONS.

( knock at door )

YES?

IT'S C.J.

OKAY.

CAN I COME IN?

C.J., THIS IS YOUR OFFICE.

RIGHT.

( clears throat )

HELLO.

HELLO.

SO... YOU HAVE
ASKED ME OUT MANY TIMES.

I HAVE SAID NO.

YOU SAID YES ONCE.

THAT WAS A BUSINESS DINNER.

OKAY.

NONETHELESS

I DO SEEM TO HAVE
A PREOCCUPATION--

UM, SORT OF GIRLISH,
I SUPPOSE, THING...

MM-HMM.

...WHICH, UM...

AND PLEASE DON'T BE,
IN ANY WAY

MISLED BY ANYTHING...

IN FACT, LET ME
PUT IT THIS WAY...

C.J., I'M SUPPOSED

TO WRITE ABOUT
THE SPEECH TONIGHT.

MY PAPER'S GOING TO WANT
ME TO, YOU KNOW, SEE IT.

SO, IF THERE'S
ANYWAY YOU COULD
MOVE THIS ALONG...

I THOUGHT WHAT I'D DO
IS KISS YOU

YOU KNOW,
ON THE MOUTH, AND THEN

I'D JUST GET PAST IT.

I'D JUST GET PAST IT

AND THEN I'D BE ABLE
TO GIVE MY WORK

THE KIND OF CONCENTRATION
IT REALLY DESERVES.

OKAY.

HOW'S RIGHT HERE?

THAT'S FINE.

BE CAREFUL OF THE FISH.

SURE.

NO. I'M SAYING 'CAUSE
IF YOU ROCK AGAINST THE...

HOW'S THAT?

OH, GOOD.

PAST IT?
YEAH.

GOOD.
OKAY.

I'VE GOT TO GO NOW.

C.J.?
YES.

TAKING THAT
FISH WITH YOU?

NO.

( thumping )

WALKED INTO THAT DOOR THERE.

YES.

YOU SEE, YOU'RE TOO FIXED
ON WESTERN MEDICINE.

UM, BAMBOO SAP

A GAMBIR TWIG...

AND A SHOT OF WHISKEY.

A SHOT OF WHISKEY,
AND YOU'RE ALL SET.

HELLO.
GOOD EVENING.

EVENING,
MR. PRESIDENT.

OH, UH...

WELL, NOW, IF
I'M NOT MISTAKEN

THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPH
OF INDIAN TROOPS
IN RETREAT

AND SO IS THAT,
AND SO IS...

THIS.

THANK YOU, JOHN.

WELL, I'M ON
A PLANE TO GO AND
SEE RIKKI IN AN HOUR.

STILL MANY
THINGS TO SETTLE.

GODSPEED,
YOUR LORDSHIP.

THANK YOU, SIR.

ABIGAIL!

( chuckling )

GOOD LUCK, JOHN.

GOOD LUCK TO
YOU, TOO, LEO.

THANK YOU.

I AM OFF!

( laughing )

FRIENDS, LET ME HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

A LOT OF TIME

ENERGY, PASSION,
WIT, SKILL AND TALENT

WENT INTO DRAFTING THIS

AND WHILE YOU
MIGHT NOT KNOW IT

FROM MY PERFORMANCE LATER,
IT IS AN EXTRAORDINARY SPEECH

AND I SAY THEE

YEA, TOBY ZIEGLER

AND I SAY THEE

YEA, SAM SEABORN!

SIR, THE MOTORCADE'S READY

AND THE AGRICULTURAL SECRETARY
IS IN THE OVAL OFFICE.

President:
THANKS.

ROGER.

GOOD EVENING,
MR. PRESIDENT.

ROGER, I'M SORRY YOU DREW
THE SHORT STRAW ON THIS.

WE'LL MISS YOU TONIGHT.

NEXT YEAR IT'LL BE
THE SURGEON GENERAL, I PROMISE.

MEANWHILE, YOU CAN WATCH
ON TV IN MY STUDY.

THANK YOU, SIR.

UM, I BROUGHT
YOU A GIFT.

OH, THANK YOU.

I KNOW OF YOUR LOVE
OF ALL THINGS ANCIENT

AND I CAME ACROSS THIS.

WHAT IS IT?

SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME

TO TRANSLATE
OUR CONSTITUTION

INTO LATIN.

I THINK IT WAS
A HIGH SCHOOL
PROJECT, ACTUALLY

AND, UH, IT
GOT PUBLISHED.

OH, THIS IS MAGNIFICENT.

I HIGHLIGHTED

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS
AN APPROPRIATE PASSAGE

FROM THE EXECUTIVE
POWER SECTION.

CAN YOU TRANSLATE?

"HE SHALL, FROM TIME TO TIME,
GIVE TO THE CONGRESS

"INFORMATION OF THE STATE
OF THE UNION

"AND RECOMMEND
TO THEIR CONSIDERATION

SUCH MEASURES AS HE SHALL
JUDGE NECESSARY AND EXPEDIENT."

SOUNDS RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY, SIR.

THANKS, ROGER.

KNOCK 'EM DEAD, SIR.

OH, ROGER.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENED,
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, RIGHT?

I HONESTLY HADN'T
THOUGHT ABOUT IT, SIR.

FIRST THING ALWAYS
IS NATIONAL SECURITY.

GET YOUR COMMANDERS TOGETHER

APPOINT JOINT CHIEFS,
APPOINT A CHAIRMAN

TAKE US TO DEFCON FOUR.

HAVE THE GOVERNOR SEND EMERGENCY
DELEGATES TO WASHINGTON.

THE ASSISTANT ATTORNEY GENERAL
IS GOING TO BE THE ACTING A.G.

IF HE TELLS YOU HE
WANTS TO BRING OUT
THE NATIONAL GUARD

DO WHAT HE TELLS YOU.

YOU GOT A BEST FRIEND?

YES, SIR.

IS HE SMARTER THAN YOU?

YES, SIR.

WOULD YOU TRUST HIM
WITH YOUR LIFE?

YES, SIR.

THAT'S YOUR CHIEF OF STAFF.

OH.

IN THE RESIDENCE,
ON THE SECOND FLOOR

THE BATHROOM
AT THE END OF THE HALL

YOU HAVE TO JIGGLE
THE HANDLE

ON THE TOILET,
OR IT'LL...

MR. PRESIDENT?

I GOT TO GO.

YOU'LL DO FINE.

PEOPLE HAVE
PHENOMENAL CAPACITY.

YES, SIR.