All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S05E05_English

[instrumental music]

Hey, is the health inspector
comin' today?

No. Why?

'Cause you scraped
them dead roaches

off the window.

No.

Marlon is bringin'
his girlfriend by

for us to meet her.

- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.

She must be special.

I think he even took a shower.

-Damn!
- Mm-hmm.

Usually, with most of the
girls
he just wets his hands

and sprays himself with Glade.

[laughing]
Oh, Shawn, stop that.

[Marlon laughs]

Hey, everybody.

This right here
is Angel Simms.

Angel Simms,
these are my
peoples.

- This is Dee.
- Hi.

- And those are her friends.
- Oh, stop!

That's my handsome brother
Shawn over there.

- What's up, baby girl?
- Uh, not that handsome.

And the man over
there
with the vomit shirt
is..

...my pops.

- Hi, pleased to meet you.
-Hi.

Well, howdy-do? So this is the
lady I've heard so much about?

She's prettier
than you said, Marlon.

And you're right,
she does have a big ol'..

- Pops!
- Pop!

...booty-full smile.

Well, it's nice to meet you..

- Angel?
- Yes.

Oh, yeah.

I better go see
if those people are still
stuck

in the elevator.

Well, in honor of your
newfound love, young lady

you can have half off
on any desert you desire.

Now that offer
does not include pie.

Okay...uh..

...that peach cobbler
looks good.

[laughs]
Well, technically..

...a cobbler falls under pie.

Well, Shawn, let me
talk to you for a
second.

- A'ight.
- A'ight, baby, have a seat.

- Oh.
- Be right back, okay?

- So what do you think?
- Ow, man, get off me.

What do you think, man?

Well, I mean,
at least this one
got

more than three
teeth
in her mouth.

And, Shawn,
she ain't cockeyed either!

Y'all gonna be readin',
y'all gonna be readin'!

Yo, son. For real.

What do you think?
I mean, what's your opinion?

To be honest, I think
you guys look good
together.

-Word?
- Yeah, you do.

- Yo, kid, we vibing real
good.
- Really?

Yeah, we like to do
the same things.

I mean, we both like
walkin' through the park.

- Uh-huh.
- We both like black
liquorice.

And coffee enemas.

Ew, Marlon,
that's
disgustin'.

- You like black liquorice?
- Yeah.

Hey, man, you better get
over there before pops
starts

tellin' her about
his toenail
fungus.

- Oh, yeah.
- 'See..'

See now, let me show you,
let me show you

what I'm talkin' about.

Man, we don't wanna
hear about your feet,
man.

Let me tell you about the
time
my naval got infected.

Oh, damn, naval ring!
Look at this.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing
and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite.'

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Well, well, well. If it
isn't
the pimp and the blimp.

Oh.

- How you doin', Shawn?
- What's up, man.

Where did you get
this suit, T.C.?

You look like a box
of McDonald's french
fries.

Yo, man,
where Marlon at, man?

Oh, he went out with his girl.

Man, she's really got
that brother on lockdown.

Mm. See?

Once you hook up with a woman

they want all your time.

- 'Pfft. Yeah.'
- Huh.

And a bite of your sandwich.

And they're always complainin'

you know, "Where you been at?"

And-and-and, "Why you had
to sleep with my sister?"

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, man,
she must really be special

for Marlon to keep
her
all to himself.

- Oh, yeah, she's fine, man.
- Yeah?

She's pretty.
About five foot
six.

Caramel complexion,
curly hair.

- Her name is Angel.
- Ooh.

- I think she half Indian.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[laughing]

Hey, hey, Dupree,
remember that girl Angel

we knew up in Brooklyn?

Oh, yeah. Man,
everybody knew Angel.

Yeah, some nights
two or three guys knew
her.

[laughing]

Well, this ain't
the same Angel.

- This girl's a sweetheart.
- Well..

You know,
the Angel we knew

rescued puppies
from animal shelter.

- Mm-hmm.
- When the ho wasn't freaky.

Ho!

Hey, hey, hey.
Alright, now.

'Oh, h-here-here comes
Marlon, here comes Marlon.'

Yo, wassup, Marlon?

What up, y'all? Heh heh.

- Shawn, Shawn, Shawn.
- What?

- That's her.That's her.
- What?

- What?
-Damn!

Thatis

Okay, I got
a ho-tographic memory.

Shh! Shut up, man!

He's gonna hear you!

[chuckles]

Uh, fellas, this
is my
baby girl. This
is--

(both)
Angel.

Wait, y'all
know
each other?

- I don't think so.
- 'Oh.'

But we've heard
so much

[T.C. laughing]

Um, I was just explaining
to the fellas that, um

this is the lovely lady
that's been

occupyin' most of your time.

Oh, yeah, hey,
can you blame a
brother?

You know what I'm sayin'?
Can I get some? Can I get..

Ha, I was hanging out
with all that

than all this. Ho!

Hey, man! Get outta here, man!

- I told you about that, man!
- Hey, man.

- Is it a boy or girl?
- Man, get away from me!

Hey, you better calm down
before your water breaks.

[laughing]

Call me if you need help
with Lamaze class.

Come on, Marlon. We're gonna
be late for the movie.

Alright, let's go, baby.

Make sure you sit
in the last row of the
balcony.

- She know exactly where's
that!
- Shut up, man!

[laughing]

- Shut up!
- Hee hee hee!

It's not funny, man.
He really likes that
girl.

- What am I gonna do?
- 'Ooh.'

Oh, man, don't worry.

- Marlon can handle himself.
- Hmm!

And she can handle
everyone else.

- Oh!
- Ha ha ha!

What are you laughin' at?

The last girl you had your
hands
on was Ms. Butterworth.

Oh!

[instrumental music]

- Hi, Shawn!
- Hey, Angel.

- Where's Marlon?
- He's in the back.

- He'll be out in a minute.
- Oh.

Um..

Can I get you anything? Uh..

Some Twinkies, some Ring Dings..

...some Ho Hos?

Oh, no, thank you. I'm fine.

Huh.

Hmm. I wonder what's on TV.

Uh-huh.

Oh. Let's see.

Oh! The Holyfield fight is on.

Oh.

Yeah, and after that, uh

Spike Lee's classic,
"She's Gotta Have It."

You probably
like that one, huh?

Shawn, are you
tryin'
to say somethin'?

Ho, me?

Did you hear
somethin'
about me?

All I heard is that you've
been
very giving in the community.

Oh..

I know what this is about.

Well? Is it true?

I don't think
that's any of your
business.

I think it is my business!

Okay?

That's my brother
and that's my business.

I don't wanna see him get hurt.

Well, I'm not
like that
anymore.

I don't wanna
see him get hurt
either.

And if you don't
wanna see him get
hurt

then you'll
just stay out of
it.

What? W-when are you
gonna tell him?

Don't worry about it.
I can handle this,
Shawn.

Handle what?
W-what's goin' on here?

- What's all this?
- Nothin'.

Oh, um..

...just chillin', man.

(Marlon)
'Chillin'? Alright,
well..'

Uh, hey, I-I gotta
get back and start
dinner.

- You still comin' over,
right?
- Oh, yeah.

You still makin' them
spam fajitas, right?

- 'That's right.'
- You know I likes that.

I wonder what kind
of tortilla you're usin'.

Corn or ho-wheat.

Ho-wheat, of course.

- Alright, I'll see you at
8.
- Alright, girl.

- Okay.
- Shake what your mama gave you.

Shake it one time..

- Now what was all that about?
- Oh, nothin', man.

We were just, you know,
havin' an argument
about..

- Uh, what?
- About somethin' on TV.

Um, hey, Marlon,
can I talk to you for a
second?

- Yeah, what's the deal?
- How can I put this?

Aight.

Remember..

...that baseball glove

that grandpops gave to pops?

- Then pops gave it to me?
- Mm-hmm.

- And then I gave it to you?
- 'Mm-hmm.'

But by the time you got it,
it was all worn and cracked.

And stretched.

And the inside was rotted out.

From years of abuse
and pounding.

Yeah.

Boy, I used to love that glove.

It really could catch some ball.

Alright.. Alright.

Never mind,
never mind, never
mind.

- Um-um..
- Especially softballs.

Okay, okay, okay.

Uh..

Alright, let me see. Um..

Sit down, Marlon.

- Your girl Angel..
- Mm-hmm.

...is very promiscuous.

So what?

She's promiscuous
and we're Baptists.

And look here,
if the Crips and Bloods

can get along, so can we.

Aight, aight, Marlon.

I'mma give it to
you
straight up, okay?

Angel has had her own
Million Man March.

Oh.

Look, stupid, she's a ho!

Angel's a ho. I'm..

I'm sorry.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

I can't believe it, man.

This is crazy.

How.. How do you know
she's been around?

'Cause, Marlon,
she admitted it to me, man.

Why you think
she ran outta here so fast?

Face it, kid.
She got a bad reputation.

Well, how bad is it?

Let me put it to you this way.
Pamela Lee hasher

Damn.

Oh, man..

I don't get it, yo. You..

You've been
with a lot of girls,
right?

I mean...I mean,
I ain't no Wilt Chamberlain

but you know, I..

...I done some things
in my life.

And-and you don't
have
a bad reputation,
right?

- You have a good reputation.
- Um..

I mean, I haven't had
any complaints.

Except for that one time
by the lake.

But, yo, the water was cold.

I don't get
it,
if-if-if she
sees

a lot of guys,
she gets a bad
reputation

but if we see a lot of
girls,
we get good
reputations?

I don't know, Marlon.
I mean, I can't explain it.

It's one of those things
you can't explain.

It's like...the success
of the Spice Girls.

You know what?
I don't even
care.

I don't care,
her past is her
past

and...I don't care.

Look, you don't
throw away a
Rolls-Royce

'cause it got a dent in it.

You do if it's been
rear-ended 2000 times.

[instrumental music]

[doorbell rings]

- Hey, Marlon.
- Hey!

- Shawn told me everything.
- 'Oh.'

Marlon...I was gonna
talk to you about
that.

I was just waiting
for the right time.

It's aight. I don't care.

It.. All those guys
don't matter.

Your past is your past
and I'm fine with it.

All that matters to me now
is me and you. Okay?

Mmm, mmm.

- Alright?
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Mmm.

I knew you could
handle it,
Marlon.

[phone ringing]

- Oh, let me get that.
- Okay.

- Hello?
- I'll read a magazine.

Hey!

Fine.

Oh, yeah, no.

Of course, I still want it.

'Yeah, oh, I need it
now more than ever.'

[rustling]

'Oh, uh, wait. I really
can't talk right now. Um..'

But I'll see you later.
Okay. Buh-bye.

- Oh, you finished?
- Hmm.

[sighs]
Oh, well..

Marlon, you
know,
a lot of guys

would have a problem
trusting me

but I can see
you're
different.

Pfft! 'Course I'm different.

Who was that on the phone?

Marlon!

I'm only joking with you, girl.

- Silly.
- Was it anybody I know?

[laughs]

- What difference does it
make?
- No reason.

Why you askin' me
so many questions?

- Ain't no reason.
- For what?

Why? You got
somethin' to hide?

I'm trippin'.
I'm sorry. My bad.

Um.. Okay.
Look, why don't we do this?

Why don't,
why don't you just..

...just tell me
about your past

and...just put it all
out in the open

and I'll be able
to deal with it, alright?

- Yeah?
- I promise.

Okay...if you think it'll help

you...ask me...
whatever you
want.

Okay. Um..

- How many guys you been with?
- Uh!

I can handle it.

Look, hey,
just throw it out there.

Um..

Well..

- There were--
-Four? Damn!

Four?

Aight, i-is this a real
four
or a woman's four?

'Cause you know,
a woman's four is really 17.

You know, the ones that you
didn't love do count.

- You did say four, right?
- Marlon, Marlon, Marlon.

What
difference
does it make?

What matters
is that you can trust
me.

Can you do that?

- Hmm?
- Yes.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I trust you.

Pop, I don't trust that broad.

- Why not?
- Pop!

You know how many guys
she's been with? I..

Every time I-I get with
her,
I just keep thinkin'

who taught her how to kiss

and who taught her
how to massage

and who taught her that
trick
with the six marbles

and a fishing wire.

- Marlon.
- Huh?

Um, you just have to leave

the past behind.

Yeah, Marlon.
She's with you now.

Yeah, but for how long?

Pop, look.

Angel's an experienced woman.

I can't depend
on my three
minutes

of good lovin'
to keep that woman
satisfied.

Three minutes?

Boy, you better get you
some ginseng.

That is with ginseng.

Pop, what am I gonna do, man?

Well, I remember
once I went through

the same thing with your mama.

She was a-hangin' around
with some dude

that looked like Al Green.

Had a lopsided Afro..

...nappy chest hairs
and everything.

- Your wife was two-timin'
you?
- Oh, no, no, no.

As it turned out,
it was all to my imagination.

She told me the relationship
was just platonic.

-Oh-h-h.
- Platonic?

They were making
nuclear bombs?

No, son. Platonic.

- Meaning he was gay.
- Oh.

You can't go through life
looking for the worst in
people.

Everybody deserve a chance
until they prove you wrong.

You know what, pop,
you're right.

My Uncle Russell
used to tell me thesame
thing.

- Uncle Russell?
- Yeah.

You don't have
an Uncle Russell.

Sure I do. He was my play uncle.

See, mom used to take me over
to his house when I was
little.

Did he wear a fur tank top?

Yeah.

Damn that woman.

[instrumental music]

Darryl, I cannot wait
till you meet Marlon.

You must really like him to
buy
him such an expensive suit.

Oh, I know I can't afford it

but I wanted to buy him
something really nice

to show him
how much I care about him.

See, that's why I need
you
to come over tonight

'cause you're
about
the same size

and you can try on the suit

and I can measure
it
for alterations.

Hey, sure, baby sister.

- Anything for you, alright?
- Okay, thank you..

Hey, look. There's Angel.

Yeah, but ol' boy ain't Marlon.

Oh, my God.

She told me she changed.

Looks like she's
back to her old ways again.

- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, let's sneak in there.

Negro,
gonna sneak anywhere

with that bright-ass suit on?

Turn it down
before you give me pink eye.

Oh, my gosh.
Look what time it
is.

I gotta go.

Okay, so you are
coming over tonight,
right?

- 7 o'clock. Your place.
- Oh, and don't be late.

We gotta finish
before Marlon gets
there.

- Hey, don't worry.
- Okay.

- Alright? See you there,
okay?
- Yeah.

- I love you.
- Love you. Muah.

- Bye, sweetie.
- Alright.

- I can't believe it.
- 'Me either.'

Yeah, man.

How the hell they gonna take
hot wings off the menu?

[instrumental music]

See? Nobody's here.

Now you dragged me all the
way
across town for nothing.

- Come on, man. Let's go.
- Marlon.

I'm telling you
what I heard,
man.

- You gotta believe me.
- Shawn.

Pops said you can't always
look for the worst in people.

Yeah, and pops also
said
green meat was lucky

because it was made
by leprechauns.

Alright, come on,
let's get this over with.

You get undressed,
and I'll measure you.

[Marlon crying]

I shouldn't have trusted..

I shouldn't have trusted..

[crying]

Shawn..

...maybe...look, maybe-maybe
he's her, he's her doctor.

That's why he's here.
Maybe he's her doctor.

Yeah, well, he better
be,
'cause she's

about to open
up
and say, "Ah."

You look like a damn
slave.
Stop crying!

But why do you wanna measure me?

Because you've grown since

the last time I've seen you.

'And I don't
want you to stretch it'

''cause then
it won't fit Marlon.'

Come on,
take your pants off, hurry up.

Now do you believe me?

- That's it! I caught you!
- Ah!

- I got you, sister. I got
you!
- Marlon!

- Yeah, Marlon.
- Shawn.

- What are you doin' here?
- Yeah, that's not the
question.

The question is, what's
Tiger Woods doin' here, huh?

You trying to get
a hole-in-one, huh?

He's here for you!

What you tryin' to
do?
Turn me out?

Hey, look here, I don't
get down like that,
a'ight?

I don't care
what
Leroy said.

Maybe I should
put my pants back
on.

Yeah, and while
you're at it, put some

lotion on 'em dry legs.

Uh, look, Marlon

I bought you a suit.

That's my brother.
I needed him to try it on.

Girl, you will say anything
to cover up them lies, huh?

We ain't stupid,
we know you was gettin' down

with Babyface's
little brother Fetusface.

What do you think?
Do I look stupid?

[sighs]

Huh?

Shawn, do I look stupid?

- Shawn.
- Anyway, yo.

I bet you
that's his suit.

You know what, Shawn,
you're right. It is his
suit.

Look, he got his
name
on the tag.

"Giorgio Armani."

Huh, he must be Creole.

- Marlon, that's a new suit.
- "Marlon, that's a new
suit."

Damn, well, if it's so new

then how come there's
somethin' in the pocket, huh?

What's this?

Plane tickets

to the Virgin Islands.

It's a little bit too late

for that trip, missy.

Marlon, those
are
for you and me.

Aw, come on, man. This is..

Then, well,
how come it say, "One?"

Uh..

...that's first class, bruh.

[laughing]

Oh, man!

Yo, this whole thing
is one big
misunderstanding.

It's a good thing we can
laugh
about stuff like this, man.

Oh, my God.

Yo, Marlon,
to tell you the
truth, kid

you got yourself
a good woman right
here.

- Uh-huh.
- You know what I'm sayin',
bro?

You need to hold on
to this right here,
boy.

You know what?

I'mma go outside,
mind my business

and let y'all finish
handlin' y'all thing.

You need to find me a girl
with some frequent-flier
miles.

[Marlon laughing]

Yeah, I see that
little
look on her face.

[Marlon laughing]

Shawn isstupid.

I be hatin' him sometimes,
you know.

He's just so stupid.

He, like, dragged me over here
to spy on you like th..

You're stupid, man!

[indistinct]

Marlon, you know, I thought
we had something really
special.

What you trippin' for? We do.

I paid for plane
tickets
and a suit

that I couldn't
afford,
but it didn't
matter

because I wanted to show you
how much I cared about you.

And you show me your thanks
by spyin' on me

and accusin' me
of sleepin'
around?

Uh. I wasn't accusing you.

I mean, look, it's not like
it ain't in your character.

I'm notlike that

Yeah, I made some mistakes
in the past, Marlon!

But the biggest mistake so
far
is being with you.

I'm sorry.

My bad, alright?

Look, I-I-I promise.

I can deal with it, alright?
I-I can handle it.

It's too late.

[door slams shut]

[sniffles]

[knocking on door]

You know Marlon don't know
how to treat nobody.

You know,
ever since we was kids,
I..

[instrumental music]

Can't believe I messed
things up with Angel.

I made the
decision
to be with her.

I should have trusted her.

It's partially my fault.

I should never have planted
those seeds in your head, man.

I'm sorry. But you know what?

From now on, no matter
what the girl's past is

I'm gonna mind
my business, alright?

- 'Thank you.'
- I'mma let you do your
thing.

- Thank you.
- Aight?

Hey, baby.
Why do you look so sad?

Oh, relationship problems.

Oh, well, I'm pretty
good
at fixing those.

Really? What are you?
A social worker?

Sorta, I'm a lady
of the evening.

Really?

I'm a night person too.

Oh, it's nice to meet you.

Uh, so maybe
we should go out sometime.

Sure. What are you doing
for the next ten minutes?

Well, nothing. Alright.

[whispering]
She's a ho, she's a ho..

Marlon. Marlon.

I got this. I got..
I'mma be careful.

- Are you a Baptist?
- Yes.

Good, 'cause I can't deal
with no more promiscuous women.

[instrumental music]