Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Hey, is the health inspector comin' today?

No. Why?

'Cause you scraped them dead roaches

off the window.

No.

Marlon is bringin' his girlfriend by

for us to meet her.

- Ah. - Mm-hmm.

She must be special.

I think he even took a shower.

-Damn! - Mm-hmm.

Usually, with most of the girls he just wets his hands

and sprays himself with Glade.

[laughing] Oh, Shawn, stop that.

[Marlon laughs]

Hey, everybody.

This right here is Angel Simms.

Angel Simms, these are my peoples.

- This is Dee. - Hi.

- And those are her friends. - Oh, stop!

That's my handsome brother Shawn over there.

- What's up, baby girl? - Uh, not that handsome.

And the man over there with the vomit shirt is..

...my pops.

- Hi, pleased to meet you. -Hi.

Well, howdy-do? So this is the lady I've heard so much about?

She's prettier than you said, Marlon.

And you're right, she does have a big ol'..

- Pops! - Pop!

...booty-full smile.

Well, it's nice to meet you..

- Angel? - Yes.

Oh, yeah.

I better go see if those people are still stuck

in the elevator.

Well, in honor of your newfound love, young lady

you can have half off on any desert you desire.

Now that offer does not include pie.

Okay...uh..

...that peach cobbler looks good.

[laughs] Well, technically..

...a cobbler falls under pie.

Well, Shawn, let me talk to you for a second.

- A'ight. - A'ight, baby, have a seat.

- Oh. - Be right back, okay?

- So what do you think? - Ow, man, get off me.

What do you think, man?

Well, I mean, at least this one got

more than three teeth in her mouth.

And, Shawn, she ain't cockeyed either!

Y'all gonna be readin', y'all gonna be readin'!

Yo, son. For real.

What do you think? I mean, what's your opinion?

To be honest, I think you guys look good together.

-Word? - Yeah, you do.

- Yo, kid, we vibing real good. - Really?

Yeah, we like to do the same things.

I mean, we both like walkin' through the park.

- Uh-huh. - We both like black liquorice.

And coffee enemas.

Ew, Marlon, that's disgustin'.

- You like black liquorice? - Yeah.

Hey, man, you better get over there before pops starts

tellin' her about his toenail fungus.

- Oh, yeah. - 'See..'

See now, let me show you, let me show you

what I'm talkin' about.

Man, we don't wanna hear about your feet, man.

Let me tell you about the time my naval got infected.

Oh, damn, naval ring! Look at this.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite.'

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Well, well, well. If it isn't the pimp and the blimp.

Oh.

- How you doin', Shawn? - What's up, man.

Where did you get this suit, T.C.?

You look like a box of McDonald's french fries.

Yo, man, where Marlon at, man?

Oh, he went out with his girl.

Man, she's really got that brother on lockdown.

Mm. See?

Once you hook up with a woman

they want all your time.

- 'Pfft. Yeah.' - Huh.

And a bite of your sandwich.

And they're always complainin'

you know, "Where you been at?"

And-and-and, "Why you had to sleep with my sister?"

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, man, she must really be special

for Marlon to keep her all to himself.

- Oh, yeah, she's fine, man. - Yeah?

She's pretty. About five foot six.

Caramel complexion, curly hair.

- Her name is Angel. - Ooh.

- I think she half Indian. - Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[laughing]

Hey, hey, Dupree, remember that girl Angel

we knew up in Brooklyn?

Oh, yeah. Man, everybody knew Angel.

Yeah, some nights two or three guys knew her.

[laughing]

Well, this ain't the same Angel.

- This girl's a sweetheart. - Well..

You know, the Angel we knew

rescued puppies from animal shelter.

- Mm-hmm. - When the ho wasn't freaky.

Ho!

Hey, hey, hey. Alright, now.

'Oh, h-here-here comes Marlon, here comes Marlon.'

Yo, wassup, Marlon?

What up, y'all? Heh heh.

- Shawn, Shawn, Shawn. - What?

- That's her.That's her. - What?

- What? -Damn!

Thatis

Okay, I got a ho-tographic memory.

Shh! Shut up, man!

He's gonna hear you!

[chuckles]

Uh, fellas, this is my baby girl. This is--

(both) Angel.

Wait, y'all know each other?

- I don't think so. - 'Oh.'

But we've heard so much

[T.C. laughing]

Um, I was just explaining to the fellas that, um

this is the lovely lady that's been

occupyin' most of your time.

Oh, yeah, hey, can you blame a brother?

You know what I'm sayin'? Can I get some? Can I get..

Ha, I was hanging out with all that

than all this. Ho!

Hey, man! Get outta here, man!

- I told you about that, man! - Hey, man.

- Is it a boy or girl? - Man, get away from me!

Hey, you better calm down before your water breaks.

[laughing]

Call me if you need help with Lamaze class.

Come on, Marlon. We're gonna be late for the movie.

Alright, let's go, baby.

Make sure you sit in the last row of the balcony.

- She know exactly where's that! - Shut up, man!

[laughing]

- Shut up! - Hee hee hee!

It's not funny, man. He really likes that girl.

- What am I gonna do? - 'Ooh.'

Oh, man, don't worry.

- Marlon can handle himself. - Hmm!

And she can handle everyone else.

- Oh! - Ha ha ha!

What are you laughin' at?

The last girl you had your hands on was Ms. Butterworth.

Oh!

[instrumental music]

- Hi, Shawn! - Hey, Angel.

- Where's Marlon? - He's in the back.

- He'll be out in a minute. - Oh.

Um..

Can I get you anything? Uh..

Some Twinkies, some Ring Dings..

...some Ho Hos?

Oh, no, thank you. I'm fine.

Huh.

Hmm. I wonder what's on TV.

Uh-huh.

Oh. Let's see.

Oh! The Holyfield fight is on.

Oh.

Yeah, and after that, uh

Spike Lee's classic, "She's Gotta Have It."

You probably like that one, huh?

Shawn, are you tryin' to say somethin'?

Ho, me?

Did you hear somethin' about me?

All I heard is that you've been very giving in the community.

Oh..

I know what this is about.

Well? Is it true?

I don't think that's any of your business.

I think it is my business!

Okay?

That's my brother and that's my business.

I don't wanna see him get hurt.

Well, I'm not like that anymore.

I don't wanna see him get hurt either.

And if you don't wanna see him get hurt

then you'll just stay out of it.

What? W-when are you gonna tell him?

Don't worry about it. I can handle this, Shawn.

Handle what? W-what's goin' on here?

- What's all this? - Nothin'.

Oh, um..

...just chillin', man.

(Marlon) 'Chillin'? Alright, well..'

Uh, hey, I-I gotta get back and start dinner.

- You still comin' over, right? - Oh, yeah.

You still makin' them spam fajitas, right?

- 'That's right.' - You know I likes that.

I wonder what kind of tortilla you're usin'.

Corn or ho-wheat.

Ho-wheat, of course.

- Alright, I'll see you at 8. - Alright, girl.

- Okay. - Shake what your mama gave you.

Shake it one time..

- Now what was all that about? - Oh, nothin', man.

We were just, you know, havin' an argument about..

- Uh, what? - About somethin' on TV.

Um, hey, Marlon, can I talk to you for a second?

- Yeah, what's the deal? - How can I put this?

Aight.

Remember..

...that baseball glove

that grandpops gave to pops?

- Then pops gave it to me? - Mm-hmm.

- And then I gave it to you? - 'Mm-hmm.'

But by the time you got it, it was all worn and cracked.

And stretched.

And the inside was rotted out.

From years of abuse and pounding.

Yeah.

Boy, I used to love that glove.

It really could catch some ball.

Alright.. Alright.

Never mind, never mind, never mind.

- Um-um.. - Especially softballs.

Okay, okay, okay.

Uh..

Alright, let me see. Um..

Sit down, Marlon.

- Your girl Angel.. - Mm-hmm.

...is very promiscuous.

So what?

She's promiscuous and we're Baptists.

And look here, if the Crips and Bloods

can get along, so can we.

Aight, aight, Marlon.

I'mma give it to you straight up, okay?

Angel has had her own Million Man March.

Oh.

Look, stupid, she's a ho!

Angel's a ho. I'm..

I'm sorry.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

I can't believe it, man.

This is crazy.

How.. How do you know she's been around?

'Cause, Marlon, she admitted it to me, man.

Why you think she ran outta here so fast?

Face it, kid. She got a bad reputation.

Well, how bad is it?

Let me put it to you this way. Pamela Lee hasher

Damn.

Oh, man..

I don't get it, yo. You..

You've been with a lot of girls, right?

I mean...I mean, I ain't no Wilt Chamberlain

but you know, I..

...I done some things in my life.

And-and you don't have a bad reputation, right?

- You have a good reputation. - Um..

I mean, I haven't had any complaints.

Except for that one time by the lake.

But, yo, the water was cold.

I don't get it, if-if-if she sees

a lot of guys, she gets a bad reputation

but if we see a lot of girls, we get good reputations?

I don't know, Marlon. I mean, I can't explain it.

It's one of those things you can't explain.

It's like...the success of the Spice Girls.

You know what? I don't even care.

I don't care, her past is her past

and...I don't care.

Look, you don't throw away a Rolls-Royce

'cause it got a dent in it.

You do if it's been rear-ended 2000 times.

[instrumental music]

[doorbell rings]

- Hey, Marlon. - Hey!

- Shawn told me everything. - 'Oh.'

Marlon...I was gonna talk to you about that.

I was just waiting for the right time.

It's aight. I don't care.

It.. All those guys don't matter.

Your past is your past and I'm fine with it.

All that matters to me now is me and you. Okay?

Mmm, mmm.

- Alright? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Mmm.

I knew you could handle it, Marlon.

[phone ringing]

- Oh, let me get that. - Okay.

- Hello? - I'll read a magazine.

Hey!

Fine.

Oh, yeah, no.

Of course, I still want it.

'Yeah, oh, I need it now more than ever.'

[rustling]

'Oh, uh, wait. I really can't talk right now. Um..'

But I'll see you later. Okay. Buh-bye.

- Oh, you finished? - Hmm.

[sighs] Oh, well..

Marlon, you know, a lot of guys

would have a problem trusting me

but I can see you're different.

Pfft! 'Course I'm different.

Who was that on the phone?

Marlon!

I'm only joking with you, girl.

- Silly. - Was it anybody I know?

[laughs]

- What difference does it make? - No reason.

Why you askin' me so many questions?

- Ain't no reason. - For what?

Why? You got somethin' to hide?

I'm trippin'. I'm sorry. My bad.

Um.. Okay. Look, why don't we do this?

Why don't, why don't you just..

...just tell me about your past

and...just put it all out in the open

and I'll be able to deal with it, alright?

- Yeah? - I promise.

Okay...if you think it'll help

you...ask me... whatever you want.

Okay. Um..

- How many guys you been with? - Uh!

I can handle it.

Look, hey, just throw it out there.

Um..

Well..

- There were-- -Four? Damn!

Four?

Aight, i-is this a real four or a woman's four?

'Cause you know, a woman's four is really 17.

You know, the ones that you didn't love do count.

- You did say four, right? - Marlon, Marlon, Marlon.

What difference does it make?

What matters is that you can trust me.

Can you do that?

- Hmm? - Yes.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I trust you.

Pop, I don't trust that broad.

- Why not? - Pop!

You know how many guys she's been with? I..

Every time I-I get with her, I just keep thinkin'

who taught her how to kiss

and who taught her how to massage

and who taught her that trick with the six marbles

and a fishing wire.

- Marlon. - Huh?

Um, you just have to leave

the past behind.

Yeah, Marlon. She's with you now.

Yeah, but for how long?

Pop, look.

Angel's an experienced woman.

I can't depend on my three minutes

of good lovin' to keep that woman satisfied.

Three minutes?

Boy, you better get you some ginseng.

That is with ginseng.

Pop, what am I gonna do, man?

Well, I remember once I went through

the same thing with your mama.

She was a-hangin' around with some dude

that looked like Al Green.

Had a lopsided Afro..

...nappy chest hairs and everything.

- Your wife was two-timin' you? - Oh, no, no, no.

As it turned out, it was all to my imagination.

She told me the relationship was just platonic.

-Oh-h-h. - Platonic?

They were making nuclear bombs?

No, son. Platonic.

- Meaning he was gay. - Oh.

You can't go through life looking for the worst in people.

Everybody deserve a chance until they prove you wrong.

You know what, pop, you're right.

My Uncle Russell used to tell me thesame thing.

- Uncle Russell? - Yeah.

You don't have an Uncle Russell.

Sure I do. He was my play uncle.

See, mom used to take me over to his house when I was little.

Did he wear a fur tank top?

Yeah.

Damn that woman.

[instrumental music]

Darryl, I cannot wait till you meet Marlon.

You must really like him to buy him such an expensive suit.

Oh, I know I can't afford it

but I wanted to buy him something really nice

to show him how much I care about him.

See, that's why I need you to come over tonight

'cause you're about the same size

and you can try on the suit

and I can measure it for alterations.

Hey, sure, baby sister.

- Anything for you, alright? - Okay, thank you..

Hey, look. There's Angel.

Yeah, but ol' boy ain't Marlon.

Oh, my God.

She told me she changed.

Looks like she's back to her old ways again.

- Mm-hmm. - Hey, let's sneak in there.

Negro, gonna sneak anywhere

with that bright-ass suit on?

Turn it down before you give me pink eye.

Oh, my gosh. Look what time it is.

I gotta go.

Okay, so you are coming over tonight, right?

- 7 o'clock. Your place. - Oh, and don't be late.

We gotta finish before Marlon gets there.

- Hey, don't worry. - Okay.

- Alright? See you there, okay? - Yeah.

- I love you. - Love you. Muah.

- Bye, sweetie. - Alright.

- I can't believe it. - 'Me either.'

Yeah, man.

How the hell they gonna take hot wings off the menu?

[instrumental music]

See? Nobody's here.

Now you dragged me all the way across town for nothing.

- Come on, man. Let's go. - Marlon.

I'm telling you what I heard, man.

- You gotta believe me. - Shawn.

Pops said you can't always look for the worst in people.

Yeah, and pops also said green meat was lucky

because it was made by leprechauns.

Alright, come on, let's get this over with.

You get undressed, and I'll measure you.

[Marlon crying]

I shouldn't have trusted..

I shouldn't have trusted..

[crying]

Shawn..

...maybe...look, maybe-maybe he's her, he's her doctor.

That's why he's here. Maybe he's her doctor.

Yeah, well, he better be, 'cause she's

about to open up and say, "Ah."

You look like a damn slave. Stop crying!

But why do you wanna measure me?

Because you've grown since

the last time I've seen you.

'And I don't want you to stretch it'

''cause then it won't fit Marlon.'

Come on, take your pants off, hurry up.

Now do you believe me?

- That's it! I caught you! - Ah!

- I got you, sister. I got you! - Marlon!

- Yeah, Marlon. - Shawn.

- What are you doin' here? - Yeah, that's not the question.

The question is, what's Tiger Woods doin' here, huh?

You trying to get a hole-in-one, huh?

He's here for you!

What you tryin' to do? Turn me out?

Hey, look here, I don't get down like that, a'ight?

I don't care what Leroy said.

Maybe I should put my pants back on.

Yeah, and while you're at it, put some

lotion on 'em dry legs.

Uh, look, Marlon

I bought you a suit.

That's my brother. I needed him to try it on.

Girl, you will say anything to cover up them lies, huh?

We ain't stupid, we know you was gettin' down

with Babyface's little brother Fetusface.

What do you think? Do I look stupid?

[sighs]

Huh?

Shawn, do I look stupid?

- Shawn. - Anyway, yo.

I bet you that's his suit.

You know what, Shawn, you're right. It is his suit.

Look, he got his name on the tag.

"Giorgio Armani."

Huh, he must be Creole.

- Marlon, that's a new suit. - "Marlon, that's a new suit."

Damn, well, if it's so new

then how come there's somethin' in the pocket, huh?

What's this?

Plane tickets

to the Virgin Islands.

It's a little bit too late

for that trip, missy.

Marlon, those are for you and me.

Aw, come on, man. This is..

Then, well, how come it say, "One?"

Uh..

...that's first class, bruh.

[laughing]

Oh, man!

Yo, this whole thing is one big misunderstanding.

It's a good thing we can laugh about stuff like this, man.

Oh, my God.

Yo, Marlon, to tell you the truth, kid

you got yourself a good woman right here.

- Uh-huh. - You know what I'm sayin', bro?

You need to hold on to this right here, boy.

You know what?

I'mma go outside, mind my business

and let y'all finish handlin' y'all thing.

You need to find me a girl with some frequent-flier miles.

[Marlon laughing]

Yeah, I see that little look on her face.

[Marlon laughing]

Shawn isstupid.

I be hatin' him sometimes, you know.

He's just so stupid.

He, like, dragged me over here to spy on you like th..

You're stupid, man!

[indistinct]

Marlon, you know, I thought we had something really special.

What you trippin' for? We do.

I paid for plane tickets and a suit

that I couldn't afford, but it didn't matter

because I wanted to show you how much I cared about you.

And you show me your thanks by spyin' on me

and accusin' me of sleepin' around?

Uh. I wasn't accusing you.

I mean, look, it's not like it ain't in your character.

I'm notlike that

Yeah, I made some mistakes in the past, Marlon!

But the biggest mistake so far is being with you.

I'm sorry.

My bad, alright?

Look, I-I-I promise.

I can deal with it, alright? I-I can handle it.

It's too late.

[door slams shut]

[sniffles]

[knocking on door]

You know Marlon don't know how to treat nobody.

You know, ever since we was kids, I..

[instrumental music]

Can't believe I messed things up with Angel.

I made the decision to be with her.

I should have trusted her.

It's partially my fault.

I should never have planted those seeds in your head, man.

I'm sorry. But you know what?

From now on, no matter what the girl's past is

I'm gonna mind my business, alright?

- 'Thank you.' - I'mma let you do your thing.

- Thank you. - Aight?

Hey, baby. Why do you look so sad?

Oh, relationship problems.

Oh, well, I'm pretty good at fixing those.

Really? What are you? A social worker?

Sorta, I'm a lady of the evening.

Really?

I'm a night person too.

Oh, it's nice to meet you.

Uh, so maybe we should go out sometime.

Sure. What are you doing for the next ten minutes?

Well, nothing. Alright.

[whispering] She's a ho, she's a ho..

Marlon. Marlon.

I got this. I got.. I'mma be careful.

- Are you a Baptist? - Yes.

Good, 'cause I can't deal with no more promiscuous women.

[instrumental music]