Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Man! For once somethin' smells good in here.

Yeah. Well, pop must have got that dead rat

from behind the refrigerator.

You know what, I made myself a little health potion

handed down to me from my great, great, great, grandpappy.

Medicine man to King Shaka of the Zulu Nation.

Now, hold up, I thought you said

we was related to Indian and Irish.

Damn. Sound like great grandma was a freak.

She got a little bit of everything in her.

Well, you know our family.

At least we didn't have any inbreeding..

...on my side.

Well, you know, pops, when you're not feelin' well

there's this place that people go to, called the doctor.

- Yeah, try it. - The doctors?

I don't like to see a man in white robes

comin' at me with knives.

I feel you. Man, my stomach has been actin' up all mornin'.

Oh, this tastes pretty good.

Pretty damn good, pop.

And got a little onions in it too.

They're no onion, son. That's a toe nail.

I was soakin' my feet.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' and we're colored ♪

♪ Gimme a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys. Dyn-o-mite.'

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Oh, Lord, have mercy.

[groans]

Hey, Marlon, check out pops.

Yeah, he movin' slower than Grady from "Sanford And Son."

[imitating Grady] Shut up, dummy.

[chuckles]

No, I'm serious, man. He's worse than he was this morning.

You think he might have acute angina?

Shawn, men don't have anginas.

Well, except for Dennis Rodman and RuPaul.

You're stupid.

- Hey, Dee. - Mm?

Did you notice anything strange about pop?

Oh.

Well, his eyes were all yellow and bloodshot.

Yeah, he was all cranky and he had bad breath.

- Nope! Same old Pops. - Thank you.

You know, I don't know about that, Dee.

I don't think pop's been himself lately.

I think he's sick.

You know, now that you've mentioned it

this morning he dropped the sausage on the floor

and instead of pickin' it up and servin' it

he kicked it under the oven.

- What? - What?

Pops wastin' food? That's it.

I'm-I'm callin' the doctor right now.

Oh, why don't you get him to make his own appointment?

Uh, Dee, pop is somethin' we'd like to call Ghetto.

He believe in no doctors.

Yeah, he think he can cure everything himself

with little cocoa butter and hot sauce.

[chuckles]

Well, I don't know, you boys better do somethin'

'cause Pops might be hurtin' now.

[instrumental music]

(John) 'Hello? Yeah, this is Pops Williams.'

'I'd like to place my food order.'

Well, let's see, I'll take my usual order of chicken.

I'm havin' a liver and onion special for this week

so double that order. Uh-huh.

Um, tongue?

I don't usually serve somethin'

that's already been in the mouth.

But at that price I'll take a couple of pounds, yeah.

Alright, Manny. See you later.

Have a mighty fine day.

- Hey, pop. What's up, man? - How you doin'?

Hey, look, man, don't get mad at me

but I made you a doctor's appointment today.

- Doctor's appointment? - Yeah.

Oh, I haven't been to a doctor since they did that thing

with "Miss Evers' Boys."

The HBO movie?

You know, I was one of the boys.

Lucky for me, I was in the A-group and I got treated.

Look, pops, stop tellin' stories, okay?

You're goin' to the doctor.

Well, I ain't, and that's final.

[slams]

[groaning]

Come on.

[Pops blabbering]

Hell.

- Oh. - We're takin' you home.

That's right, and first thing in the morning

you're goin' to see Dr. Tuttle, come on.

- Come on. - Joe, lock up for me.

And I know how much money is in the cash register.

[instrumental music]

- Hey, Pops. - Oh, hey, doc.

- How you doin'? - Pretty good.

How about you?

Oh, I'm mighty fine. Thank you.

Oh, whoa. Pop, you-you gotta cover up, man.

Y-You got the gown on backwards.

Well, if I wore it the other way my ashy booty would show.

Alright, let's..

Let's see what this x-rays show.

Uh-oh.

- Is it bad? - Oh.

Well, either we got the wrong x-rays

or we're gonna have to remove your uterus.

Doc, I need my uterus.

Don't I?

I think you'll be okay without it.

Alright, here you are.

Well, everything looks pretty good, yeah.

Alright, tell you what.

I want you to go into the next room..

...and urinate in this cup.

From the next room?

My aim is not that good, doc.

I'm not as young as I used to be

but I'll tell you one thing

back in 1962, '63, I'd have tore that cup up!

Alright. Alright.

They had a contest one time. I won $400.

Good. That's not what I meant.

Okay, we'll take care of the later.

Now, let's test your reflexes. Sit down.

Well, doc..

Why don't you give me another whack at that cup?

Give me a 40 ounce, and let me stand on the chair.

Uh, is there some reason you don't wanna sit down?

[sighs] I can't.

It's my hemorrhoids.

Ouch.

They flared up again.

And I was too embarrassed to tell my boys.

So, would you please, don't say anything to 'em.

Ah, don't worry, Pop.

Secret's safe with me.

I want you to take these, uh, suppositories.

It ought to clear it up in a week or two.

Doc, could you give me a glass of water?

I have the darndest problem getting these

down my throat.

I think you should better read the instructions, Pops.

Huh?

- Oh, Lordy Lord. - Hm.

Hit me, somebody, please. Hit me.

Shawn, pop in there a long time, man.

When he comes out he's gonna tell us everything's alright.

So how are we supposed to know if he's lying?

This is how you catch him.

You look at his eyes.

If they're blinkin', he's lyin'.

Right.

Here he comes.

Hey, pop. How'd it go in there?

Did the doctor grab you down here and make you cough?

Hey.

Doctor took some routine tests.

He's gonna call me back with the results.

But he think I'm in A1 physical condition.

Oh, that's good. Let me ask you a question, pop.

When you told me I was your favorite son, did you mean that?

Sure did.

What about the Christmas of '83?

What happened to our presents?

Like I said, Santa got jacked.

Now, leave me alone.

Wait, hold on, blinky, I got some more questions for you.

[telephone ringing]

How do you do?

Speakin'.

What?

Your freezer's busted?

What do you mean my meat delivery won't be here?

Come on, now, give it to me straight.

- 'What's wrong?' - Shh.

He must be talking to the doctor.

There's fungus on my tongue?

My breasts are freakishly large?

And the liver's completely rotten?

Oh, Lord, no!

I'm a dead man. I'm dead for sure.

Oh, God.

Shawn.

Shawn, his liver is rotten.

It's the liquor. It's the liquor.

I'm sayin' it was the liquor.

It was the liquor, Shawn. It was the liquor.

It was the liquor. You did this to my father.

- Shawn, it was the liquor. - Okay, okay. Alright.

You..

Okay, okay, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon.

Okay, relax, stop. Stop. Stop, man.

- I told him to stop drinkin'-- - Stop. Alright, alright.

Come on, we got to be strong for pop now, man.

- Alright. - We got to be mature.

- Okay, we got to be mature. - We got to be mature.

We got to be mature. We got to be men.

We got to be men.

[crying] Shawn, my daddy is goin' bye-bye.

[instrumental music]

Man, Marlon, how long is Dr. Tuttle

gonna keep us waitin'?

I don't know, I gotta find out what the deal is

with pops, though, Shawn.

You know, Marlon, I can't imagine life without him.

I mean...as tacky as he is..

...he's always been there for us.

It's like you always hear it happenin' to another people

but you never think it's gonna happen to your family, you know.

Yeah.

If somethin' happens to him, man, I'm gonna really miss him.

Yeah, me too.

Pops was like a father to me.

[sighs] Uff, man, pretty soon..

...pops gonna have to stay in the hospital.

[crying] They no feed him that nasty green Jell-O..

...and he'll die.

And our family will fall apart like in that movie "Soul Food."

Hey, I ain't waitin' out here no more, I'm goin' inside.

Don't worry, you'll be alright.

Shawn, Marlon, look, you can't bust in here like that.

I'm with a heart patient.

Uh, just another 20 seconds

I'll tell you when to stop, okay?

Could you excuse us a minute, dead man walkin'?

Uhh.

You got to tell me what's goin' on with my father, alright?

Look, damn it, doctor! Give it to me straight!

- Control yourself. - We're his sons.

- We deserve to know. - Yeah.

I promised him I wouldn't tell you. Okay?

He doesn't want you to worry.

But there gotta be somethin' you can do.

Marlon, I've done everything I can for him.

Come on, doc, you must have a trick up your sleeve, man.

You mean to tell me that y'all could turn Michael Jackson

into an old white lady..

...but you can't help my father?

Look, boys, I've done everything possible for your father.

Now, all you can do now is just make sure

he's comfortable until it's over.

Hey, doc. The 20 seconds up yet?

- Well, how long will it be? - I don't know.

Two weeks, with any luck, a little less.

- A little luck? - Well, he's in a lot of pain.

The sooner it's over, the better.

- Man, you are one cold mother-- - Shut your mouth!

I'm just talkin' about Dr. Tuttle.

Is my chest supposed to be hurting, doc?

Hey, you Radio Raheem, man. Tell grandpa Munster to shut up.

Look, there's nothin' else I can do for him, okay?

Now, I've got to get back to my patient. Alright?

Now, you guys got to get out of here.

Well, fine. Peace out!

You peace out too.

[machine whirring]

[grunting]

Look at you..

Cleanin' up like there's nothin' wrong.

Oh, pops!

Don't fight it! Don't fight it, baby! Don't fight it.

- Don't fight it! - Get the hell off of me.

We talked to the doctor, Pops.

I told him not to tell you boys.

This is somethin' I got to deal with.

Have you been takin' your medicine?

Oh, damn. That reminds me.

I forgot to take the last one.

That's it, pop. That's it.

Right now, we're gonna watch you

take your medicine in front of us.

You ain't no watch me do nothin'!

Then forget it. I'll take it later.

Come on, pop. Man, we're just tryin' to help you.

Come on, pop, let me massage where it hurts.

Yeah, pop. We'll even use Icy Hot.

Fool, you are crazy.

Come on, pop. Hey, the ladies say I got the magic touch.

You ain't touchin' nothin' over here.

Come on, pops, let me kiss it and make it feel better.

You know what, you two are the sick ones.

Hey, look, pop, why don't you just cut it out

and get a new one from a donor?

Or-or-or animal, like, uh, uh, a pig or baboon?

Hell no!

Alright, what about we take you to a acupuncturist?

This way, they can stick needles in it.

What?

Or we could take you to a natural healer

and he'll pack your trouble zone with herbs.

Ain't nobody packin' my trouble zone!

It's hopeless. Forget about it!

- It'll all be over in 2 weeks. - Pop.

Pack my trouble zone with herbs?

[grunts]

Oh, Shawn.

[sniffles]

Ew, man! Come on!

Shawn, Marlon, what's the matter?

It's pop, Dee.

The doctor said he don't have that much time left.

What? No, that is impossible. He's just rundown.

No, Dee, this is serious. We talked to the doctor.

Yeah, he said it'll all be over in a week or two.

Oh, my God.

That poor wonderful man?

He worked so hard servin' that lousy food.

Oh, givin' us terrible service with a smile.

All that bad, bad food served

by that good, good man.

Mmm.

- Dee? - 'Mmm.'

If you're angling to do the eulogy

you just blew it with that bad, bad speech.

You know what? I'm not gonna let my father suffer.

Look at this.

Yes, information.

Give me the number to Dr. Kowalski.

Hey, stop, man.

Put the phone down, man. What's wrong with you?

(Dee) 'You know what?'

It's a shame we don't have time

to submit Pops' name to the Last Hurrah Foundation.

What's that?

Well, it's a group that fixes up

so people can do somethin' they always wanted to do

before they kick off.

I mean, um...pass on.

Well, Dee, why-why can't we set somethin' up like that

for pops ourself?

Yeah, let's do somethin' for pop

that he always wanted to do.

- Ohh. - Shawn, that's it!

We're packin' up the car, we're headin' down to Tijuana

we're goin' to the Donkey Shows.

Boy, that's somethin' you always wanted to do.

Oh, yeah. Hey, well, we could take pops too.

Hey, there gonna be enough donkey for everybody.

Shut up. Doesn't Pops like Gloria Gaynor?

He loves her.

Actually, we was tryin' to get him tickets for a concert

this weekend, but it was sold out.

Uh-uh..

Well, I happen to know the man

that's doin' security for the concert.

So I'm sure he could get us some tickets.

Ooh, he can even take Pops backstage to meet her.

- I'mma call him now. - Alright, go ahead--

Oh-h! Oh ho!

Yo, man. That's phat. Right, Marlon?

It's alright.

Ain't no Donkey Show.

[applause]

Ooh. I wanna thank you boys for bringin' me here tonight.

I'll remember this till the day I die.

Hey, pop, we did it because we love you, man.

- Yeah. - I love you boys too.

- I do. - Mwah.

We loveyou and this big ass bow tie.

[chuckles]

[Gloria Gaynor singing "I Will Survive"]

[audience cheering]

♪ At first I was afraid I was petrified ♪

♪ Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side ♪

♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪

♪ Thinkin' how you did me wrong ♪

♪ And I grew strong ♪

♪ And I learned how to get along ♪

♪ And so now you're back from outer space ♪

♪ I just walked in to find you here ♪

♪ With that sad look upon your face ♪

♪ I should have changed that stupid lock ♪

♪ I should have made you leave your key ♪

♪ If I'd have known for just one second ♪

♪ You'd be back to bother me ♪

♪ Go on now go walk out the door ♪

♪ Just turn around now ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye ♪

♪ Did you think I'd crumble ♪

♪ Did you think I'd lay down and die ♪

♪ Oh no not I I will survive ♪

♪ Oh as long as I know how to love ♪

♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ And I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ And I'll survive I will survive ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪♪

[applause]

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to dedicate

tonight's performance to a real survivor.

He left his sickbed tonight in spite of his suffering.

Please, give it up for Pops Williams.

(Dee) Oh!

[applause]

Come on, now, big Pops.

Hey, pop. We want to make this special for you, man.

- Thank you, son. - Come on. Let's go up there.

- Okay, son. - Get on up there. You..

- Ooh! - That's how it's done.

Ooh!

Look at the pain on this man's face.

You're a very brave man, Pops.

- Ah! Thank you. - This is for you.

[Gloria Gaynor singing "I Will Survive"]

♪ Oh no not I ♪

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ Oh as long as I know how to love ♪

♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ And I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ And I'll survive ♪

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ I will survi-i-ive ♪♪

[audience applauding]

You know, your loving sons told me about your struggle

with this horrible disease.

And I'm donating the proceeds from tonight's concert

to help find a cure.

[audience applauding]

By the way, what is this deadly disease you have?

Uh, uh, it's a.. Um..

What?

[inaudible]

What?

[inaudible]

Uh, I-I still can't hear you.

[whispering]

- Hemorrhoids? - Hemorrhoids?

[sobbing] Hemorrhoids?

[whining]

With all the ways to go out.

My daddy's gonna die with a flared up ass.

(Shawn) 'No, no. Marlon, Marlon, don't you get it?'

Don't you see? You can't die from hemorrhoids.

- You can't? - No, pops gonna live!

- He's gonna live? - Pops' gonna live!

- He has hemorrhoids, y'all! - Pops' gonna live!

Put it up for hemorrhoid. Come on.

Put it up for hemorrhoid. Put it up for hemorrhoid.

I have an hemorrhoid buddy at my house!

- Hemorrhoid! - Hemorrhoid!

Hey! Hey! B-Y-O-P-H

Bring your own Preparation H.

Hemorrhoid!

Get your boys and booty off my stage.

- Okay. - What about the donation?

Security, would you get these three out of here.

- Wait, my daddy got hemorrhoid. - What about the donation?

- Hey.. - What about the donation?

Hey, we gonna party.

Hemorrhoid.

- Yeah, come on. - Ah. Come on, pop.

You're all real nice to me, I'm gla.. Okay.

- Have a seat. - Ow!

[groans]

Pop, we're so happy you are okay.

Hey, pops, I was just thinkin', a week or two

you won't even need that stuff.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

Let me tell you somethin'.

I have never been sohumiliated

in all my life.

In front of sweet Gloria Gaynor

and all those folks.

How the hell y'all think I was dyin'?

Hey, well, we overheard you on the phone talkin'

about your breast is all freakishly large.

And then talkin' about you had a rotten liver.

And your doctor wouldn't tell us nothin'.

So we assumed the worst.

Yeah, pop. Okay, our bad. We're sorry.

Well, I guess you're heart was in the right place.

Hey, look, pop, the important thing is...we love you.

Pop, we'd never do anythin' to hurt you.

- That's good, son. - Pops?

To celebrate your good fortune

I stopped off in the village and got you a cake.

Ah-h-h!

- Come on over here! - Oh, that my booty?

This is.. My booty used to look just like that.

- Look at that. - Oh, yeah!

- There you go. - So what do you want?

- Left or right cheek, pop? - Oh, I don't care.

Just make sure and give me that couple of them

strawberries right there.

Pops, those aren't strawberries.

What?

No, don't.. Why.. What.. How you going..

Well, are you givin' a C-section?

[chuckles]

- Ooh - Oh, wow.

Now, that's-that's too much booty.

[instrumental music]

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ Oh as long as I know how to love ♪

♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ And I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ And I'll survive I will survive ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪♪

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say "Cheese."