All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S04E03_English

[instrumental music]

Oh, pops, I swear
these are the best
eggs

I have ever had, where'd
you learn to cook like
this?

Well, you probably
thinking of the Cordon Bleu

cooking school in Paris, France.

Well, actually I started
cooking professionally

at Fort Bliss, Texas.

Oh, so you learnt to cook
like this in the army?

Yup.
I learned one thing.

Food always tastes better
if you never wash the pot.

So, uh, are you from
Texas,
originally?

No, Detroit city.

Home of Smokey Robinson

Buick Riviera's
and black on black crime.

Home girl is back.

Man, look at her booty.

Look all soft
and cushiony.

Like it's inflatable,
just wanna blow it up, go.

[blowing air]

- You're a pig.
- Yeah, I'mma go over there..

Oink on over there and,
uh, get my groove on.

Uh, excuse me, uh..

...do you believe in love
at first sight or, uh..

...do I have to
walk by again?

Marlon, give it up,
you have tried

that line three days in a row.

Now, he doesn't think
I'mma fall for that, does he?

He is so corny, girl.

You know what I'm saying.
Ooh, you dropped something.

- Oh, what's that?
- The conversation.

Hey, look up.

Look down.

Your pants is on the ground.

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're
singing and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful guys, dynamite.'

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Marlon. Son.

Please, keep your hands
off the customers.

Oh, no, pops, I'm just
getting
some stuff, that's all.

Excuse me.

- Marlon, stop being a pig.
- What?

I apologize for
my son's behavior.

Let me offer you breakfast.

Half-off.

Oh, pops, that's real nice,
thank you.

Well, uh, so long, guys.

- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay.

Woops! Scuse you.

Uh, you know, if you get hungry

and you can't wait, call me.

I deliver.

Naked.

Ooh, half-off!

Last time you gave
somebody a discount

OJ was still dating sisters.

Well, I happen to like Donna.

As a matter of fact,
I'm grooming her

to be my next regular customer.

You see, you give 'em
half-off in the
beginning

that way they get
hooked
on your stuff.

What're you
a cook or a crack dealer?

I want the honey sunk
on my pancakes.

Actually, I think
Donna
keep coming back here

because she's hot for pops.

Froggy, have you ate
a bad fly or somethin'?

That girl ain't
thinkin' about you.

You ain't nothing but
player haters. Both of you.

P .H., P .H.

What's so funny?

Pop thinks that little cute girl

Donna is sweatin' him.

It can happen, every now
and then a man like me

can catch a freak,
looking for a father figure.

Oh, well, now, he's right
now
'cause last week

on Jerry Springer,
they had a lot of young
girls

who were into older men.

Yeah, and of course on
that show, all the older men

used to be young girls.

Look, I'm serious,
Donna is warm for my form.

Ooh, she warm for your
form,
huh? Go on baby.

- She's always friendly to
me.
- Huh-huh.

Always asking me
a whole lot of questions.

- Questions like what?
- Where I'm from?

- Places I've been.
- Yeah, well.

A girl like Donna
asks questions for a reason.

Not 'cause
she's in love with you.

Wait a minute.

Young girl here on vacation.

Spends all her time here.

- What else is she asking you?
- Oh.

Just things. You know,
like when did I open the
diner..

...where do I get my food
and she asked me

a whole lot of questions
about my cooking.

Cooking, cooking,
you better be careful,
pops.

She might be the health
inspector that closed
down

that Jamaican
restaurant
down the block.

Come on. Stop, stop.

S-s-stop!

- Cut it out, alright?
- Mm-hmm.

Alright, a undercover health
inspector, you're paranoid.

Uh, wait a minute,
wait a minute. Hold on.

Now you wait a minute,
maybe she's on to something.

Uh-huh, they staked him out
for
three days, on the fourth day

they closed the restaurant down.

But why, Dee,
because his kitchen's

all dirty and everything?

Uh, let's just say that
his curry goat had nine
lives.

Damn, that little woman coming
around here, tryin' to bust me.

Oh, yes, I can't
let the woman close me down.

Y'all gonna help me
clean this place up tonight.

- Hey, easy up, man.
- Come on, man. Wait a minute.

Sorry, big bow tie..

Somebody help me, somebody
help me. Help me please.

Help me, somebody, please.

Boys, I just cleaned
out the back.

Threw all the rat traps away
but I saved the cheese.

'Cause it's good in tuna melt.

What're you doing, pop?

You know how I hate
to waste food.

Lookie, lookie.
The floors are shining.

The walls are degreased.
What happened?

Pop's been working us harder
than a fat lady's
Thighmaster.

Yeah, we've been in here
all night so we can beat

that back stabbing
health inspector Donna.

Oh, well, she won't
close you down now.

Not unless she tastes the food.

What?

Morning, Pops. Hey, guys.

Well, if it isn't Donna,
if that's your real name.

Pops, what's wrong?

[mocking]
Pops, what's wrong?

Don't you try
to
play all
innocent.

You ain't cute.

We know what you want
and we know why you're
here.

- You do?
- Yeah.

That's right.
So bring it on, sister.

'Cause for once
this place is so clean

you can eat of the...the plates.

That's right,
so if you're gonna bust
Pop

for putting pigeon
in his chicken
chilly

go right on ahead.

- It's too late.
- Yeah.

Go ahead and inspect.
We are clean.

- Right.
- 'Oh.'

Yeah, but before you do
any inspection

let's see your license.

Oh, oh, I am not
a health
inspector.

Then why're you askin'
so many questions?

Why're you in our business
like that, huh?

Yeah, where are you from,
the IRS?

- FBI?
- BET?

Okay, I'm a little bit
confused
about what's going on here.

I was hoping for a better way
to tell you this.

- Tell us what?
- What you gotta say?

- Out with it, girl.
- What you gotta say?

- Huh, what you gotta say?
- We ain't say nothin'.

Pops.

Pops, uh, I've been
afraid
to tell you this

but the reason why I've
been
coming around here

is because, uh...pops..

What?

- I'm your daughter.
- 'Oh.'

(Dee)
'Pops.'

Pops. Go.

- Thanks, Dee.
- Oh.

Well, h-hold on, hold on, just
hold on, you're moving too
fast.

- You're my daughter?
- Mm-hmm.

If I'm your father,
who's you mother?

Her name was Spring Jackson.

Spring Jackson! Oh, lordy Lord.

Now who's Spring Jackson?

I dated her
before I met their mother.

We were hot and heavy
when I was stationed in-in
Texas

but-but I was transferred.

Pop, I can't believe it.

You pulled the old
hit and run, huh?

That's my father.

Ha, tear it up, Pops!

- Mine too.
- Whoa.

Spring and I fell
out of touch with each other.

I would never leave like that.

I never knew
your mother was pregnant.

- I swear.
- Oh, Pops, I know.

Mom told me the whole story.

She didn't tell you how she got
the nickname "Spring," did she?

(Donna)
'Um, no.'

But she made me promise
never to go looking for
you

and-and then after
she passed away last
year

well, I-I couldn't help myself.

I just had to find
the other half of my family.

Oh, hold on a minute.

Your mom slept with pop.

Lord knows how many
other brothers hit
that.

[chattering]

I'm sayin', how do you
know
that Pops is your father?

Boys, Spring wasn't
that type of woman.

I had to take her out three,
four times before I..

W-wait a minute.

That's a good question, son.

Well, I-I found
my mom's old diary

and the dates all match.

And I have these love letters.

And I also have
this birth
certificate.

Let me see that.

- Oh, my God, Pops.
- What?

- You're listed as the
father.
- Aah.

Oo-huh.

I can't wait to go tell my
mother this piece of gossip.

Hold on a second, so..

...that means that
you're really our
sister?

Excuse me.

Oh, Lord, please forgive me
for all the freaky dreams

I had about her butt.

And please, God, please..

...don't let Lil' Kim
be my sister too.

- Thank you.
- Uh, Donna, Donna, look.

Uh, I-I don't know what to say.

Oh, Pops, look,
you don't have to say
anything.

The important thing
is that I found you

and that
we are together at
last.

Hey, hey, hey, before
you all get all mushy
there

Autumn Jackson.

This could be a scam, pop.

Now the only real way to find
out if you're really our
sister

is for you to take a blood test.

That's right,
and I hope you
studied.

Let me tell you
something,
I hope you don't think

you won't come up here
and get some of our
inheritance

'cause you ain't
going to get a
nickel

of our inheritance, okay?

That's right,
'cause that nickel's going to
be

split between me and Marlon.

That's right,
can't wait till pop
dies.

Look, I...I don't
want anything from you.

I just wanted a chance
to meet my family.

Well, you met us.

Look, maybe
I better get going.

Hey, peace out!

[instrumental music]

Hey, hey, hey, hold on a second.

Now your mama was a good woman.

You do have
the birth certificate.

And if you're my daughter, we've
got a lot of catching up to do.

- We do?
- Yes.

Truth be told,
I've always wanted a daughter.

I'm telling you, pop,
take that blood test.

I will. Will you just shut up?

I'll do it today.

But now,
I'm gonna take my little
girl

and give her
the best New York have to
offer.

Hey, you never did that with us.

Why does she get
special treatment,
huh?

'Cause she light-skinned?

Pops, look, hold
up,
maybe we can, like

all get together
for dinner later.

That's a good idea. You can
get to know you brothers.

But, now, let's you and I
just take a little walk

and get to know each other
a little better.

They're going to get to know
each other a little better.

Well, she is a little
lighter
than the other two.

I'm starting to get the
feeling
that he likes her

better than he likes us.

[chuckles]

Oh, look at that, I've never
seen pop act like this.

And this is only after
a first day of meetin' her.

I know. She even
dresses
like him now. Look.

She even as tacky as he is.

Yeah, they look like
ugly picnic furniture.

Boys, she cut
onions
just like me.

Chip off the ol'
block.
Yi-ti-di!

Yi-ti-di!

(in unison)
Ew.

- Acting like Pop.
- Trying to be family.

I'm disgusted, man.

You know, pop ain't spend
no time with us all night.

I know, Marl, I'm telling
you,
we better do something
fast

or else, we're gonna lose
our father to this girl.

Yeah, and then
we're gonna become orphans.

It's like Gary Coleman
and Todd Bridges.

Except you can't smoke crack
'cause you got asthma.

And then we're gonna be adopted
by some rich white man

who's gonna make us
rob video stores.

- And I'd have no acting
job--
- Ah, shut up.

Boys, your sister
is
one fine cook.

I don't know
about the sister part

but she sure is kinda fine.

Marlon,
will you cut it out,
man?

We're about to be
pushed out of our own
family

and all you can
think about is
sex?

Come on, boys.

I want you all to try this.

What is it?

Sister's secret chili.

Ew, I don't want
to try none of her chili.

Let's try the chili and let's

hurry up
and get them out of
here.

I don't want to.

Salad.

What do you think?

It tastes like a bowl of shi..

Tacos.

Finest chili.

- Shawn, my boy.
- Ah.

Come on, boy,
taste that good chili.

Yeah, Shawn.

You can have my chili too.

You got all that muscle.
I want you to eat, eat,
hardy.

Oh, Lord.

[chuckles]

- Mm-hmm.
- What do you think?

[laughing]

I think he's enjoyin' it.
I think he needs another
spoon.

Yeah.

Oh, it's, uh..

...oh, it's delicious, man.

- Delicious, huh?
- Yeah. And they're..

- Ooh, look over there, man.
- What?

Oh, now, you try it,
Pop.
Here, you have some.

[indistinct chatter]

I'll try my
little baby's chili.

- What're you talking about?
- Oh, get some. Oh yeah.

Oh, lordy Lord.

Needs some s-s-salt.

We keep it in the bathroom.

Okay.

It's a famous person.

"Smokey, the bear."

Ooh, President Clinton.

Oh, I got it. Bobby Brown.

No, no, no. It's Puff Daddy.

Yes!

When he fall on the bike
in the video.

- Alright.
- Hey, man.

Alright. My turn,
my turn, my turn, my turn.

My turn. A movie. Movie.

Alright.

"Jur-assic Park!"

No.

Uh, "I Like It Like That."

Ooh, uh, uh, um,
"Enter The Dragon."

"Sleep With The Enema."

Ooh, I got
it,
I got it, I
got it.

It's "Booty Call."

- Damn, man.
- "Booty Call."

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we all play teams?

- I got my sister.
- No, no, no, no.

- Donna's on my team.
- You piss out.

She's on my team.
That's my sister.

No, I'm her father.
I gave her life.

Hey, you don't know
that.
Let me get her.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Anybody want me on their team?

- Hell, no!
- Hell, no!

[scatting]

Hell, that's a ugly song.

It's called scatting.

W-what you so happy about, Pop?

Can't wait to see my baby.

Well, here I am.

Not you, fool. Donna.

I was in such a good mood
after last night..

...went home
and made love to your mama.

- Hey, whoa.
- Even left the lights on.

Slow it up, Pop.
I think you're tellin' us

a little bit too much.

Hey, Pops, speakin' of mom..

...she didn't get mad when you
told her you had a daughter?

No. I'm the man of my house.

Whatever I say, goes, damn it.

- You didn't tell her, did
you?
- No.

There's no sense in me
gettin' her all upset

until the blood test come back.

Pop...you was with Donna's mom
way before you met ma.

- How is she gonna get upset?
- Well, she'll find a way.

But I don't care.
Donna's my daughter..

...and when she get to
know her, she'll love her

just as much as we all do.

Hey, what do you mean, we?

That girl ain't no Williams.

She look more like a Huxtable.

[telephone rings]

How do you do? Poppa's Diner.

Yup. This is Mr. Williams.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Thank you, kindly.
H-have a mighty fine day.

Who that?

- The clinic. Test came back.
- What they say?

What do you think they said?
It was a perfect match.

Anyone'd know that
Donna's my daughter.

You can just look at her
and tell.

Come on, Pops.
Stop frontin', man. What's up?

I'm not frontin'.

Pop, come on.
I can tell you're
lyin'.

- Your eye is twitchin'.
- My eye's not twitching.

What're you talkin' about?

Okay. Tests were negative.

But there's still a one
in 20 billion chance

that I'm her father.

Don't you say a word to Donna.

I don't wanna hurt her feelings.

- Alright, don't worry.
- Don't worry, pop.

We got your back.

Morning, everybody.

[cheering]

- Sister!
- Sister, sister.

Don't know how much I missed ya.

Hey! How you doin'?

Why don't you come on, sit down.
Let me make you some breakfast.

Oh, Pops, no, thanks. I'm not
really that hungry this
mornin'.

Okay, well, well, hey, sis,
let's go hang out somewhere.

I-I'll close down the newsstand.

Yeah, and I'll go
in there and give
you

all the money
out of the
register.

Hey, hey, hey!

We can go to a show. You know,
anything you wanna do. Come on.

Wait, guys, look. I know
what you're tryin' to do.

- What, sis?
- 'What are you talkin'
about?'

What you trippin' about?

Look, it's okay, guys.
You don't have to protect me.

What are you
talkin' about, Donna?

I heard from the
clinic
this morning.

I know you're not my father.

I don't care about some clinic.

You're my daughter. Look at
my eyes. We have the same eyes.

Look.

You are so sweet.

You know,
now I can see why my mom

put your name down
on the birth
certificate.

Pops, you're a good man and..

...I'm sure she wished
you were my father too.

Donna, I don't care
about some blood test.

You're my daughter, come on.

'You're my daughter.'

Hey, Donna, you can always
look at me as a brother.

Hey, this.. It's messed up
that not you're my sister.

That means
we can knock boots
though.

[instrumental music]

Hey, yo, pop, let me
ask you a question.

How come you didn't wanna tell
Donna about the blood test?

Well, Donna's been
lookin' for her father

all her life, I didn't
wanna disappoint her.

Besides, I wanted a daughter
as much as she wanted a father.

You know, pop,
I'm proud of you, man.

Any man can love his children.

It takes a special man
to love someone else's.

It's good stuff, man.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Well, I guess this is it.

- Oh, I'm gonna miss you guys.
- Oh, I'm gonna miss you too.

Oh, this is so sad.

This is as sad
as the last episode

of "Homeboys In Outer Space."

And that was sad.
That was really sad.

Donna, you're always family
to me. Remember that, okay?

Yeah, Donna,
and if you're ever in town

you're always welcome
to stay at our place.

Yeah, and, uh,
you can sleep in my
bed.

Well, you take it easy now.

If anybody hassle you, they
have to deal with your old
man.

- 'Bye, Donna.'
- Bye, Donna.

Boy, sure was nice to have a
daughter around for a few
days.

She's something
special, isn't she?

Just like her mama.

Hey, speakin' of which

how did her mama get
the nick name Spring?

Well, son, I used
to have a diving board.

She used to get on
top of the diving board

I used to get on
the bottom of the pool.

Whoa, okay.

Needs some, some, some salt.

We keep it in the bathroom.

- You know what, I'm full.
- I-I'm fastin'.

- I'm on a diet.
- I'm fastin'.

- I'm doing the garden thing.
- Yeah, uh, yeah.

You have some
of your chili,
girl.

Come here, sit down.
Sit, sit down, sis.

We bein' rude.

Just go on and eat all..

All your food, girl.

Look up, Marlon, say cheese.