Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Oh, pops, I swear these are the best eggs

I have ever had, where'd you learn to cook like this?

Well, you probably thinking of the Cordon Bleu

cooking school in Paris, France.

Well, actually I started cooking professionally

at Fort Bliss, Texas.

Oh, so you learnt to cook like this in the army?

Yup. I learned one thing.

Food always tastes better if you never wash the pot.

So, uh, are you from Texas, originally?

No, Detroit city.

Home of Smokey Robinson

Buick Riviera's and black on black crime.

Home girl is back.

Man, look at her booty.

Look all soft and cushiony.

Like it's inflatable, just wanna blow it up, go.

[blowing air]

- You're a pig. - Yeah, I'mma go over there..

Oink on over there and, uh, get my groove on.

Uh, excuse me, uh..

...do you believe in love at first sight or, uh..

...do I have to walk by again?

Marlon, give it up, you have tried

that line three days in a row.

Now, he doesn't think I'mma fall for that, does he?

He is so corny, girl.

You know what I'm saying. Ooh, you dropped something.

- Oh, what's that? - The conversation.

Hey, look up.

Look down.

Your pants is on the ground.

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful guys, dynamite.'

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Marlon. Son.

Please, keep your hands off the customers.

Oh, no, pops, I'm just getting some stuff, that's all.

Excuse me.

- Marlon, stop being a pig. - What?

I apologize for my son's behavior.

Let me offer you breakfast.

Half-off.

Oh, pops, that's real nice, thank you.

Well, uh, so long, guys.

- I'll see you tomorrow. - Okay.

Woops! Scuse you.

Uh, you know, if you get hungry

and you can't wait, call me.

I deliver.

Naked.

Ooh, half-off!

Last time you gave somebody a discount

OJ was still dating sisters.

Well, I happen to like Donna.

As a matter of fact, I'm grooming her

to be my next regular customer.

You see, you give 'em half-off in the beginning

that way they get hooked on your stuff.

What're you a cook or a crack dealer?

I want the honey sunk on my pancakes.

Actually, I think Donna keep coming back here

because she's hot for pops.

Froggy, have you ate a bad fly or somethin'?

That girl ain't thinkin' about you.

You ain't nothing but player haters. Both of you.

P .H., P .H.

What's so funny?

Pop thinks that little cute girl

Donna is sweatin' him.

It can happen, every now and then a man like me

can catch a freak, looking for a father figure.

Oh, well, now, he's right now 'cause last week

on Jerry Springer, they had a lot of young girls

who were into older men.

Yeah, and of course on that show, all the older men

used to be young girls.

Look, I'm serious, Donna is warm for my form.

Ooh, she warm for your form, huh? Go on baby.

- She's always friendly to me. - Huh-huh.

Always asking me a whole lot of questions.

- Questions like what? - Where I'm from?

- Places I've been. - Yeah, well.

A girl like Donna asks questions for a reason.

Not 'cause she's in love with you.

Wait a minute.

Young girl here on vacation.

Spends all her time here.

- What else is she asking you? - Oh.

Just things. You know, like when did I open the diner..

...where do I get my food and she asked me

a whole lot of questions about my cooking.

Cooking, cooking, you better be careful, pops.

She might be the health inspector that closed down

that Jamaican restaurant down the block.

Come on. Stop, stop.

S-s-stop!

- Cut it out, alright? - Mm-hmm.

Alright, a undercover health inspector, you're paranoid.

Uh, wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on.

Now you wait a minute, maybe she's on to something.

Uh-huh, they staked him out for three days, on the fourth day

they closed the restaurant down.

But why, Dee, because his kitchen's

all dirty and everything?

Uh, let's just say that his curry goat had nine lives.

Damn, that little woman coming around here, tryin' to bust me.

Oh, yes, I can't let the woman close me down.

Y'all gonna help me clean this place up tonight.

- Hey, easy up, man. - Come on, man. Wait a minute.

Sorry, big bow tie..

Somebody help me, somebody help me. Help me please.

Help me, somebody, please.

Boys, I just cleaned out the back.

Threw all the rat traps away but I saved the cheese.

'Cause it's good in tuna melt.

What're you doing, pop?

You know how I hate to waste food.

Lookie, lookie. The floors are shining.

The walls are degreased. What happened?

Pop's been working us harder than a fat lady's Thighmaster.

Yeah, we've been in here all night so we can beat

that back stabbing health inspector Donna.

Oh, well, she won't close you down now.

Not unless she tastes the food.

What?

Morning, Pops. Hey, guys.

Well, if it isn't Donna, if that's your real name.

Pops, what's wrong?

[mocking] Pops, what's wrong?

Don't you try to play all innocent.

You ain't cute.

We know what you want and we know why you're here.

- You do? - Yeah.

That's right. So bring it on, sister.

'Cause for once this place is so clean

you can eat of the...the plates.

That's right, so if you're gonna bust Pop

for putting pigeon in his chicken chilly

go right on ahead.

- It's too late. - Yeah.

Go ahead and inspect. We are clean.

- Right. - 'Oh.'

Yeah, but before you do any inspection

let's see your license.

Oh, oh, I am not a health inspector.

Then why're you askin' so many questions?

Why're you in our business like that, huh?

Yeah, where are you from, the IRS?

- FBI? - BET?

Okay, I'm a little bit confused about what's going on here.

I was hoping for a better way to tell you this.

- Tell us what? - What you gotta say?

- Out with it, girl. - What you gotta say?

- Huh, what you gotta say? - We ain't say nothin'.

Pops.

Pops, uh, I've been afraid to tell you this

but the reason why I've been coming around here

is because, uh...pops..

What?

- I'm your daughter. - 'Oh.'

(Dee) 'Pops.'

Pops. Go.

- Thanks, Dee. - Oh.

Well, h-hold on, hold on, just hold on, you're moving too fast.

- You're my daughter? - Mm-hmm.

If I'm your father, who's you mother?

Her name was Spring Jackson.

Spring Jackson! Oh, lordy Lord.

Now who's Spring Jackson?

I dated her before I met their mother.

We were hot and heavy when I was stationed in-in Texas

but-but I was transferred.

Pop, I can't believe it.

You pulled the old hit and run, huh?

That's my father.

Ha, tear it up, Pops!

- Mine too. - Whoa.

Spring and I fell out of touch with each other.

I would never leave like that.

I never knew your mother was pregnant.

- I swear. - Oh, Pops, I know.

Mom told me the whole story.

She didn't tell you how she got the nickname "Spring," did she?

(Donna) 'Um, no.'

But she made me promise never to go looking for you

and-and then after she passed away last year

well, I-I couldn't help myself.

I just had to find the other half of my family.

Oh, hold on a minute.

Your mom slept with pop.

Lord knows how many other brothers hit that.

[chattering]

I'm sayin', how do you know that Pops is your father?

Boys, Spring wasn't that type of woman.

I had to take her out three, four times before I..

W-wait a minute.

That's a good question, son.

Well, I-I found my mom's old diary

and the dates all match.

And I have these love letters.

And I also have this birth certificate.

Let me see that.

- Oh, my God, Pops. - What?

- You're listed as the father. - Aah.

Oo-huh.

I can't wait to go tell my mother this piece of gossip.

Hold on a second, so..

...that means that you're really our sister?

Excuse me.

Oh, Lord, please forgive me for all the freaky dreams

I had about her butt.

And please, God, please..

...don't let Lil' Kim be my sister too.

- Thank you. - Uh, Donna, Donna, look.

Uh, I-I don't know what to say.

Oh, Pops, look, you don't have to say anything.

The important thing is that I found you

and that we are together at last.

Hey, hey, hey, before you all get all mushy there

Autumn Jackson.

This could be a scam, pop.

Now the only real way to find out if you're really our sister

is for you to take a blood test.

That's right, and I hope you studied.

Let me tell you something, I hope you don't think

you won't come up here and get some of our inheritance

'cause you ain't going to get a nickel

of our inheritance, okay?

That's right, 'cause that nickel's going to be

split between me and Marlon.

That's right, can't wait till pop dies.

Look, I...I don't want anything from you.

I just wanted a chance to meet my family.

Well, you met us.

Look, maybe I better get going.

Hey, peace out!

[instrumental music]

Hey, hey, hey, hold on a second.

Now your mama was a good woman.

You do have the birth certificate.

And if you're my daughter, we've got a lot of catching up to do.

- We do? - Yes.

Truth be told, I've always wanted a daughter.

I'm telling you, pop, take that blood test.

I will. Will you just shut up?

I'll do it today.

But now, I'm gonna take my little girl

and give her the best New York have to offer.

Hey, you never did that with us.

Why does she get special treatment, huh?

'Cause she light-skinned?

Pops, look, hold up, maybe we can, like

all get together for dinner later.

That's a good idea. You can get to know you brothers.

But, now, let's you and I just take a little walk

and get to know each other a little better.

They're going to get to know each other a little better.

Well, she is a little lighter than the other two.

I'm starting to get the feeling that he likes her

better than he likes us.

[chuckles]

Oh, look at that, I've never seen pop act like this.

And this is only after a first day of meetin' her.

I know. She even dresses like him now. Look.

She even as tacky as he is.

Yeah, they look like ugly picnic furniture.

Boys, she cut onions just like me.

Chip off the ol' block. Yi-ti-di!

Yi-ti-di!

(in unison) Ew.

- Acting like Pop. - Trying to be family.

I'm disgusted, man.

You know, pop ain't spend no time with us all night.

I know, Marl, I'm telling you, we better do something fast

or else, we're gonna lose our father to this girl.

Yeah, and then we're gonna become orphans.

It's like Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges.

Except you can't smoke crack 'cause you got asthma.

And then we're gonna be adopted by some rich white man

who's gonna make us rob video stores.

- And I'd have no acting job-- - Ah, shut up.

Boys, your sister is one fine cook.

I don't know about the sister part

but she sure is kinda fine.

Marlon, will you cut it out, man?

We're about to be pushed out of our own family

and all you can think about is sex?

Come on, boys.

I want you all to try this.

What is it?

Sister's secret chili.

Ew, I don't want to try none of her chili.

Let's try the chili and let's

hurry up and get them out of here.

I don't want to.

Salad.

What do you think?

It tastes like a bowl of shi..

Tacos.

Finest chili.

- Shawn, my boy. - Ah.

Come on, boy, taste that good chili.

Yeah, Shawn.

You can have my chili too.

You got all that muscle. I want you to eat, eat, hardy.

Oh, Lord.

[chuckles]

- Mm-hmm. - What do you think?

[laughing]

I think he's enjoyin' it. I think he needs another spoon.

Yeah.

Oh, it's, uh..

...oh, it's delicious, man.

- Delicious, huh? - Yeah. And they're..

- Ooh, look over there, man. - What?

Oh, now, you try it, Pop. Here, you have some.

[indistinct chatter]

I'll try my little baby's chili.

- What're you talking about? - Oh, get some. Oh yeah.

Oh, lordy Lord.

Needs some s-s-salt.

We keep it in the bathroom.

Okay.

It's a famous person.

"Smokey, the bear."

Ooh, President Clinton.

Oh, I got it. Bobby Brown.

No, no, no. It's Puff Daddy.

Yes!

When he fall on the bike in the video.

- Alright. - Hey, man.

Alright. My turn, my turn, my turn, my turn.

My turn. A movie. Movie.

Alright.

"Jur-assic Park!"

No.

Uh, "I Like It Like That."

Ooh, uh, uh, um, "Enter The Dragon."

"Sleep With The Enema."

Ooh, I got it, I got it, I got it.

It's "Booty Call."

- Damn, man. - "Booty Call."

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we all play teams?

- I got my sister. - No, no, no, no.

- Donna's on my team. - You piss out.

She's on my team. That's my sister.

No, I'm her father. I gave her life.

Hey, you don't know that. Let me get her.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Anybody want me on their team?

- Hell, no! - Hell, no!

[scatting]

Hell, that's a ugly song.

It's called scatting.

W-what you so happy about, Pop?

Can't wait to see my baby.

Well, here I am.

Not you, fool. Donna.

I was in such a good mood after last night..

...went home and made love to your mama.

- Hey, whoa. - Even left the lights on.

Slow it up, Pop. I think you're tellin' us

a little bit too much.

Hey, Pops, speakin' of mom..

...she didn't get mad when you told her you had a daughter?

No. I'm the man of my house.

Whatever I say, goes, damn it.

- You didn't tell her, did you? - No.

There's no sense in me gettin' her all upset

until the blood test come back.

Pop...you was with Donna's mom way before you met ma.

- How is she gonna get upset? - Well, she'll find a way.

But I don't care. Donna's my daughter..

...and when she get to know her, she'll love her

just as much as we all do.

Hey, what do you mean, we?

That girl ain't no Williams.

She look more like a Huxtable.

[telephone rings]

How do you do? Poppa's Diner.

Yup. This is Mr. Williams.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Thank you, kindly. H-have a mighty fine day.

Who that?

- The clinic. Test came back. - What they say?

What do you think they said? It was a perfect match.

Anyone'd know that Donna's my daughter.

You can just look at her and tell.

Come on, Pops. Stop frontin', man. What's up?

I'm not frontin'.

Pop, come on. I can tell you're lyin'.

- Your eye is twitchin'. - My eye's not twitching.

What're you talkin' about?

Okay. Tests were negative.

But there's still a one in 20 billion chance

that I'm her father.

Don't you say a word to Donna.

I don't wanna hurt her feelings.

- Alright, don't worry. - Don't worry, pop.

We got your back.

Morning, everybody.

[cheering]

- Sister! - Sister, sister.

Don't know how much I missed ya.

Hey! How you doin'?

Why don't you come on, sit down. Let me make you some breakfast.

Oh, Pops, no, thanks. I'm not really that hungry this mornin'.

Okay, well, well, hey, sis, let's go hang out somewhere.

I-I'll close down the newsstand.

Yeah, and I'll go in there and give you

all the money out of the register.

Hey, hey, hey!

We can go to a show. You know, anything you wanna do. Come on.

Wait, guys, look. I know what you're tryin' to do.

- What, sis? - 'What are you talkin' about?'

What you trippin' about?

Look, it's okay, guys. You don't have to protect me.

What are you talkin' about, Donna?

I heard from the clinic this morning.

I know you're not my father.

I don't care about some clinic.

You're my daughter. Look at my eyes. We have the same eyes.

Look.

You are so sweet.

You know, now I can see why my mom

put your name down on the birth certificate.

Pops, you're a good man and..

...I'm sure she wished you were my father too.

Donna, I don't care about some blood test.

You're my daughter, come on.

'You're my daughter.'

Hey, Donna, you can always look at me as a brother.

Hey, this.. It's messed up that not you're my sister.

That means we can knock boots though.

[instrumental music]

Hey, yo, pop, let me ask you a question.

How come you didn't wanna tell Donna about the blood test?

Well, Donna's been lookin' for her father

all her life, I didn't wanna disappoint her.

Besides, I wanted a daughter as much as she wanted a father.

You know, pop, I'm proud of you, man.

Any man can love his children.

It takes a special man to love someone else's.

It's good stuff, man.

- Hey. - Oh, hey.

Well, I guess this is it.

- Oh, I'm gonna miss you guys. - Oh, I'm gonna miss you too.

Oh, this is so sad.

This is as sad as the last episode

of "Homeboys In Outer Space."

And that was sad. That was really sad.

Donna, you're always family to me. Remember that, okay?

Yeah, Donna, and if you're ever in town

you're always welcome to stay at our place.

Yeah, and, uh, you can sleep in my bed.

Well, you take it easy now.

If anybody hassle you, they have to deal with your old man.

- 'Bye, Donna.' - Bye, Donna.

Boy, sure was nice to have a daughter around for a few days.

She's something special, isn't she?

Just like her mama.

Hey, speakin' of which

how did her mama get the nick name Spring?

Well, son, I used to have a diving board.

She used to get on top of the diving board

I used to get on the bottom of the pool.

Whoa, okay.

Needs some, some, some salt.

We keep it in the bathroom.

- You know what, I'm full. - I-I'm fastin'.

- I'm on a diet. - I'm fastin'.

- I'm doing the garden thing. - Yeah, uh, yeah.

You have some of your chili, girl.

Come here, sit down. Sit, sit down, sis.

We bein' rude.

Just go on and eat all..

All your food, girl.

Look up, Marlon, say cheese.