Original subtitles

[blows whistle]

I want you boys and girls to know, I'm proud of you.

You're one step closer to the Little League Championship.

If we won, how come we have to eat your chilli?

(all) Yeah.

I know, when the other teams win

they get to go to McDonald's.

(all) Yeah!

But they don't have the bottomless cup there.

Who wants more coffee?

Yeah.

Hey.

Judging by all your bloated stomachs

it looks like y'all won.

I remember me and Marlon used to play on Pop's

Little League team.

Yeah, y'all are lucky.

Back in our day, pop would celebrate

by givin' our whole team Jheri Curl.

Who's responsible for my luck today?

Hey, you must be Shawn. I heard you're a good pitcher.

- Hey, you know.. - And you must be Marlon.

Yeah, what-what'd you hear about me?

That you're lactose intolerant.

Why, I could pinch you.

Wait.. Argh!

- Oh, oh. - Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

- Aah! - Stop it. Hey, stop it.

Stop.

Hey, Shawn, I bet, you couldn't strike me out.

Ah, come on, man, you're just a little kid.

I ain't gonna stoop down to your level. Ha ha.

Scared, pretty boy?

I ain't pretty, punk. Alright? Me and you outside.

Come on, little Will Smith.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Why don't we all go out for a little pick up game.

Yeah, pop. Whoo-hoo!

Okay. Alright, bet. Me and pop will choose up the teams.

Alright, get in line, guys, come on.

- Okay. Charlie. - Jerry.

- Brandon. - Bobby.

- Ricky. - Mike.

- Lucy. - Yes.

Wait, how you gonna pick little champ brainy?

- Uh, TC, you wanna play? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

As long as I don't scratch my platform shoes.

If you move, I'm gonna cut you.

Cut you.

It's either Norman or Marlon.

Pick your choice.

Are you serious? Norman, get over here.

Oh, come on, pop. I'm family.

How you gonna pick little Martin Lawrence?

Bye-bye.

Looks like you're stuck with Marlon.

Hell, no. I got Rob, the crackhead.

Okay, great. We got our team, let's go, guys.

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys.'

'Dynamite. That is..'

[upbeat music]

[instrumental music]

I told you that Charlie could play.

You see how he tried to take you out of second base?

Yeah, that ain't all he tried to take out.

You alright?

Oh, about time you all got back.

I'm all weak and doody.

I need some of your meatloaf.

Can't stay away from my cookin', huh?

Hmm-mm, there's a pothole in the sidewalk that needs fillin'.

So, how was your game?

Not too good.

- They benched me. - Oh.

Aw, don't feel so bad, Marlon.

Everybody strikes out sometime.

By a ten-year-old pitchin' underhand?

Hey, he was throwin' heat.

Yeah, if we had a radar gun, we probably

would've clocked him at what, 10, 12 miles an hour?

[mocking]

No. Baseball just isn't your game.

I love baseball.

Any game where men wear skin-tight pants

I'm front and center.

Hey!

[chuckles]

Yeah, well, while you molest Shawn, I'll be in the bathroom

pickin' the splinters outta my backside.

- Ooh. - Peace out.

(Marlon) Get out the way.

So, anyway, pops, what does your chances look like?

You think your team's gonna make it to the championship?

Oh, yes, son, this is the best team I had

since you guys played with little Kenny.

Oh, yeah, I remember ol' big head Kenny.

He did pretty good for hisself.

Ooh-ooh.

Who's this Kenny?

Hah, duh, Dee. Kenny Lofton?

Unh-unh. No.

You did not play ball with Kenny Lofton.

Right.

The All-Star center fielder?

I love him!

Oh, you know, his team is in town.

They're playing this week.

- Get outta here. - Uh-huh. Yeah.

- Really? - Hmm-mm.

Shawn, I'm gonna go call

and see if he can give his old coach

some free tickets.

Hey, that's a good idea, pop.

And make sure you tell Kenny

I said, "Hey, man, what's up?

Give me a call."

[chuckles]

Wait, wait, wait, Kenny?

I know y'all ain't talkin' about Kenny Lofton.

- We sure are. - Yeah.

Oh, Marlon, what was he like?

- Kenny Lofton? - 'Uh-huh.'

Oh, Dee. That ball hog ruined my life.

Oh, come on, Marlon, don't tell me

you're still mad at that little game.

It wasn't just a game, Shawn. It was the championship.

- Of 1985. - Oh.

Dee, I'll never forget that day.

Stop. Move-move, move over, move over.

- What? - Mm-mm-mm.

It was a unseasonably cool day.

The Santa Ana winds was blowing from the East.

Marlon, you live in New York.

Mind your business. Who's tellin' the story, me or you?

Anyway..

It was overcast, we were ahead four-zip.

And I was playin' the best game of my life.

But, somehow, The Dragons staged a rally.

I got it! I got it!

Shawn's arm was gettin' tired

and The Dragons started rippin' him one after another.

Aah!

Shawn was throwin' like a girl.

But, luckily, my sharp fielding kept us in the game.

I got it!

You get it.

That ain't what happened.

You stunk, you couldn't catch a cold.

Never mind all of that, what about Kenny Lofton?

- Anyway, Dee. - 'Uh.'

We bounced back and now we were one run ahead.

It was the bottom of the knife

two outs, place is loaded.

Oh, that hurt very much.

And their best hitter was up, Slugger Johnson.

Shawn served up a fat one.

Slow as nothin' on it, baby.

Slugger ripped one to right field.

It was sailin' towards me, I knew when I caught it

I'd be a Little League legend.

A hero. This one was all mine, baby.

But, then..

...Kenny Lofton swooped in

and stole my glory.

[sobbing] Why?

[all cheering]

Yeah, Kenny Lofton..

...I know him.

That's the man that ruined my life.

Ah, come on, Marlon. That was a long time ago.

Who knows what was going on back then? Let it go.

Let it go, Shawn? That was my ball, man.

If it wasn't for that, he'd be the newsboy

and I'd be in the Major League.

You gotta get Marlon some help.

- Yes. - Dee, look, I'm serious.

Look, before that, I used to love baseball.

After that, I lost my confidence.

No wonder, why I still sleep with rubber sheets.

I'll pay for the first session.

Good news, good news.

I talked to Kenny's uncle. He's hookin' us up.

He's gettin' us tickets for tomorrow's game.

- 'Alright.' - Y'all are smokin'.

I ain't going to no game that that man is in.

Come on, Marlon, man, it'll be fun. Just like the old days.

No, I don't care, what you say, I'm not goin'.

I'll buy you some peanuts and crackerjacks.

- And a big foam finger? - Twelve of 'em.

Wow, one for every finger?

If you got 12.

[instrumental music]

Here we go.

Dang, pop. These seats are dope.

We're sittin' so close I can see Darryl Strawberry

takin' his drug test.

Well, you know little Kenny always did things in style.

Oh, yeah, brother.

Hey, look, if Kenny had some real style

he would have sent a much bigger limousine.

Oh. I'm-I'm sorry, I think you're in our seat.

- This is my seat. - This is my seat.

Actually, brah, I think, you're in both our seats.

I knew it, I knew it.

He sent us some phony tickets.

You always trying to publicly humiliate me, huh, Kenny? Huh?

You're jealous, man. You're jealous.

God don't like ugly, and you ain't friends with him.

You're jealous. My bad.

Now, look at this stadium.

All the greats played here.

Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Reggie Jackson.

Sly And The Family Stone.

Everytime I come here, something comes all over me.

Ooh, I feel it already.

Ooh, come on, boys. Let's start the wave.

- Hey. Hey. - Hey, hey, hey, man.

[indistinct chattering]

- Come on, y'all, the wave. - Hey, hey.

No, not like that, don't be wavin' at me.

Pop. Hey, man, will you relax.

Hey. No more beer for him.

Yeah, he need to go to a AAA meeting.

Hey, coach, what's up? Shawn, glad you could make it.

- Hey, Marlon. - Aah!

What's up..

What's up, baby? How you feelin', man?

You alright? Hey, man.

Hey, I'm happy for all your success, man.

I'm really happy for you, brother. Keep doin' your thing.

Keep doing it.

Thanks for the great seats, Kenny.

- Anytime, coach. - Hey, Kenny, do me a favor.

Hit that little ball outside for me with that little stick.

- Mm-mm. - Okay.

Did you hear that?

He called me coach.

Ooh, coach. I coached his Little League team.

Taught him everything he knows.

That's nice.

You know that sweet swing he's got when he's down

and wiggle his little ass and he grab himself.

Those are my moves.

Hey, where you goin', Nutty Professor?

Look at him out there, such an ego maniac.

Look at him, signin' autographs, kissin' babies.

Fixin' his cup.

I should be fixin' his cup!

Well, y'all know what I mean. That should be me out there.

You jealous, Kenny. You jealous, man.

You're jealous, you got the green eye.

Will you stop acting so childish?

And give me the finger, it's my turn.

Hey, Vampire in Brooklyn.

Get me some of that popcorn.

(sportscaster) 'And now, please rise for the national anthem'

'sung by Janet Jackson.'

Janet!

[crowd cheering]

Janet!

Janet!

'My bad, Reebie Jackson.'

[crowd booing]

It's alright, Reebie, do your thing.

Set a peak, girl.

Are you blind? Ray Charles can make a better call than that.

- 'Did you see that, Shawn?' - Uh?

- 'Did you see that?' - Oh, uh, no, sorry, pop.

I was checkin' out this fine topless

honey up in the Upper Bleachers do the wave.

Let me see that.

That's a big-breasted man.

- Eh. - Eww.

(sportscaster) 'And now batting, number 7'

'Kenny Lofton.'

Go, Kenny! Go!

Boo!

Eh. Da-da. Da-da.

(male commentator) '...we all know the attributes it to his lucky bat.'

Ah.

'Okay, Johnson lines up'

'here's the pitch.'

'Strike one!'

[Marlon cheering]

Hey..

He's just warmin' up, man.

- Come on, Kenny! - Oh.

Do it for the neighborhood, bro!

- Strike two. - 'Johnson pitches.'

- 'And it's strike two.' - Oh!

That's for you, Kenny. That's for you, baby.

- Sorry about that. - 'Boy.'

One more. One more strike. One more..

- Go, Kenny! - Come on, baby!

(sportscaster) 'Pitcher goes into his wind up, Lofton swings'

'he misses.'

'Oh, oh, the bat slipped right out of his hand and looks like'

'it's headed straight for the stands..'

'Oh, that's..'

Son, son.

Are you alright?

Is he gonna finish that Eskimo Pie?

Hell, yeah, he's gonna finish his Eskimo Pie.

Come on, son.

[instrumental music]

You alright, Marlon?

Would you like some fresh ice for your head?

No, but I could use some fresh ice for my drink.

Okay.

And, uh, maybe later on..

...give me a sponge bath.

And you could be the rubber ducky.

Squeak squeak.

This boy's delirious, you sure he doesn't have a concussion?

Did a brain scan, they found nothing.

It's the same old brain damage he always had.

[gibberish]

Would you stop coverin' for him?

Look, when Kenny hit me with that bat

he was tryin' to kill me.

Shawn, he saw me up in the stands lookin' fly.

He jealous. You're jealous, Kenny, you're jealous, man.

- Marlon. - 'You're jealous.'

Nobody could throw a bat that accurately.

Besides, the brother said he was sorry.

Oh, he's so sorry.

If he's so sorry, well, where's the flowers, huh?

Where's the balloons?

Where's the Strip-O-Gram?

You know, just a little somethin' that says I care.

Come on, Marlon, man. Why don't you think a little positive?

You got hit in the head by a future Hall of Famer.

Yeah, and he did let you keep that bat.

That says somethin', hmm?

He didn't let me keep jack, I took it.

You have his lucky bat?

Oh, man-man, that could be worth some real money. Shoo.

When he makes it into the Hall of Fame

that could be worth a couple grand.

TC, this is not about money, man.

This is about revenge, okay? Payback.

Look, he wanted to hit me with the bat

well, I'm takin' his lucky bat. Huh.

Let's see how he likes bein' a loser.

How you like that, Kenny?

You jealous, man, you jealous!

Hey, shh, he put a dent in your forehead

you could put a little dent in his pocket book.

[gibberish]

You on "Sports Boner" again.

(man on TV) 'Now, here's our nomination for sports boner of the week.'

[laughing]

You jealous, Kenny. You jealous.

Well, you know, I say we rewind that. Watch this.

Don't turn it off.

[instrumental music]

We're live here in Manhattan, covering day 14

of the Kenny Lofton bat hostage crisis.

'Without his lucky bat, Kenny Lofton'

hasn't had a single hit in a two-week stretch.

Marlon Williams, the young man holding the bat

has refused our request for an interview.

Well, we're here now with some of his family and friends.

Yes.

Ah, yes, hi, I'm Shawn Williams.

Marlon Williams' very disappointed

and...single brother.

I'm a Capricorn, I enjoy long walks on the beach

and having grapes fed to me.

Thank you so much.

Um, Kenny Lofton has been on a slump now for 14 days.

And I understand that you were all childhood friends.

Yes, they were.

Why do you think your brother

would do something like this?

Revenge, Brian.

- Revenge. - Hmm.

And I'm here to say that I'm..

...I'm very, uh, distraught over this whole thing.

Um, and I need the love.

- And support of a good woman.. - Oh, okay, thank you.

...to help me through my time in need.

Thank you. So much. Thank you.

Are those Bruno Magli shoes?

- 'Brian?' - Uh..

- Brian? - Yes.

I have noticed that your ring finger is empty.

And this is my number and I want you to know

that you can interview me up close and personal.

- Well, thank you so much. - Anytime.

- If you know what I mean. - I know what you mean.

- Thank you. - I'm his father.

I just want to say, Marlon, if you hear me

bring the bat down to Pop's diner

located in the Neidermeyer Building

home of the four-lime chili.

Remember, there's a surprise in each bowl.

Special this week, if you find my house keys in the chilli

you win the free ride to the village.

You know, thank you, thank you so much.

So it looks like, uh

Kenny Lofton is not going to see his lucky bat again.

So why don't we run that tape of Marlon Williams

infamous sports boner of the week.

No.

Look at that, poor little Kenny-Wenny

can't get a hitty-witty without his lucky batty-watty.

Tough. Suffer, bi-atch!

[laughing]

- You see that though? - 'Well, yeah.'

Your boy's all over the news, baby.

And so was the Unabomber.

Uh, listen, rather this fame thing

ain't gonna last forever.

That's why we gotta strike while the iron is hot.

Well, what you got in mind, Dolomite.

That we can parley this bat

into millions of dollars.

[knock on door]

I ain't gonna take advice

from a man with a dirty gold tooth.

[indistinct]

- Hey, what's up, Marl? - Nope, nope..

What do you want? Did you come to beg?

Come on, man, what's up with you?

This is the moment I've been waitin' for.

Go ahead, beg.

Let me see you beg like Kief Sweat!

You're gonna whine.

Man, I thought we were friends.

Let's see, what is a friend?

Besides the yuppies on NBC. Let's see.

F is for friendly, for which you are not.

R is for right field, from where you stole my dream.

And I is for ignorant, for which you is.

Alright, that's enough.

- What's goin' on here? - 'Oh..'

I tell you what's goin' on.

In my trunk, I have a box full of baseballs

for you to autograph.

I was gonna do it myself.

Since you're here, we mighta let you..

I'll...go get it.

Come on, Marlon, what'll I have to do to get my bat back?

Well, you know what? An apology would be nice, huh?

What, were you raised by wolves?

Already apologized for hittin' you with the bat.

I'm not talkin' about you hittin' me with the bat.

I'm talkin' about the summer of 1985.

Summer of 1985?

I'm talkin' about the Little League Championship

of 1985.

Yeah, think hard.

When you came running from center field

and ran over to right field and took that ball

right outta my glove.

Kenny, that was my moment to shine, man.

And you stole that from me.

Wait a minute, that's the reason why you mad at me?

Let's clear this up right now.

The only reason why I did that

was because the coach told me to.

Coach?

You mean pops?

Yeah, your dad told me to catch anything that came near you.

Shawn didn't tell you?

Get the heck outta here.

Come on, Marlon, it was the championship game

and you didn't catch one ball all season.

So you mean I've been hatin' you all these years

when I should've been hatin' my own father?

Yup.

My bad?

Now, can I have my bat back?

Yeah, you can have it.

- Okay. - Here you go.

Oh! Nah-nah-nah-nah..

Give that. What do you think, you're crazy?

- This is our nest egg. - 'Hey, look, hey.'

(Marlon) 'Give him-give him the bat.'

He needs it more than we do.

[mumbling] Brother makes millions.

Go and buy another bat. Come on, give me that.

Hey. Look, here!

Sprite shirt! Look.

Here, Kenny. Break your slump, man.

Thanks.

Do it for the team, alright?

Shoot, we were movin' on up.

- Alright. - Thank you. Alright.

(Kenny) 'Hey, why don't you and your family'

come to the game tomorrow?

Yeah, hey, but I don't think

pops gonna be able to make it.

Yeah, he's gonna fall down a flight of stairs tonight.

[instrumental music]

(sportscaster) 'That's another run. Six to nothing.'

'I think Lofton has to take a lot of the credit for this one.'

Hey, Marlon, that was pretty nice of you, man.

Ever since you gave Kenny his bat back

he's been two for two.

Yep, his slump is over, and he have you to thank for.

Oh, quit suckin' up, old man.

Marlon, I had Kenny cover you for your own good.

You didn't catch a ball all season.

I was tryin' to save you that embarrassment.

Yeah, but why didn't you tell me, pop?

Marlon, it was for your own good, man.

If you would've blown the championship game

your whole team would've hated you.

Well, actually your whole team did hate you

but they would've hated you more.

Hey, look, I wouldn't have blown nothin', alright?

I was gonna catch that ball.

And I would've been a hero.

Well, son, I know you gonna be a hero

you just have to wait your turn.

- Alright, alright. - 'Strike two.'

I just want to prove to y'all that I could catch a ball.

Hey, hey, Kenny's up next.

[crowd cheering]

(sportscaster) 'And here's the pitch.'

It's comin' our way.

Yeah, watch it, it's comin' our way, get back.

I got it.

No, no, Shawn. No, no, son.

I got it.

'I can do it.'

I got it.

Catch it, Marlon, you can do it.

[dramatic music]

[crowd cheering]

(sportscaster) 'Wow. Nice catch..'

[screaming]

[crowd cheering]

[spits]

I got it. I got it!

[dramatic music]

I got it.

[grunting]

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say "Cheese."