All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S02E22_English

[music on recorder]

(Marlon)
'WB.'

Rivet.

Budweiser.

WB.

[music stops]

Hey, man, what are you doing?

What the hell
are you doing, man?

It's 3:30 in the morning.

I'm practicin' for
the dance contest

tomorrow night at the Tunnel.

[panting]

First prize is
2000
of them thangs.

Yeah, well, I don't care
about them thangs. Okay?

We gotta get off
for work in a couple of hours.

- Practice tomorrow.
- Practice tomorrow?

Look here, Shawn.

If I want fame...fame costs.

And here's where I
stop paying for it in
sweat.

Shawn.

Alright. You know what?
You're right.

My bad. I-I didn't realize
how important it was to you.

- Thank you.
- 'Go ahead, bro.'

- Get your groove on, man.
- Thanks..

Yeah!

♪ Unh unh unh unh ♪

♪ To the east to the east ♪

♪ To the east to the east ♪

♪ To the west to the west ♪

♪ To the back to the back
to the back ♪

♪ Oh ho-o-o ♪♪

[music continues]

Goodnight, Leroy.

♪ Too bad too bad too bad ♪♪

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy
and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.
Beautiful, guys.'

'Dynamite. That..'

♪ Girl what you got
goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got
going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something.. ♪♪

Hi, peoples.

It's a wonderful day
for a dance contest.

Who got those happy feet?
Get 'em, pop.

Go, pop. Go, pop. Go, pop.

Hit that one flat, pop.

Hit that bad. Whoa!

Get low, get low, pop.
Get low.

[laughing]

Ooh. Damn, kid.
You look
terrible.

Yeah, I wonder why.

Hey, you should try dancing.

It'll wake you right
up.
Turn that on.

[music on tape recorder]

(John)
'Go, Marlon.'

♪ Get busy get busy get busy ♪

♪ Go Marlon ♪

♪ It's your birthday ♪

♪ Get busy get busy ♪

♪ Get busy get busy ♪

♪ Go Marlon ♪♪

[music stops]

Now, look, what you did,
Radio Raheem?

Why don't you get a cloth
and clean that mess up?

You better peace out.

Shoo, that's your coffee.

You spilled it. You clean it!

I'mma be dancing.

♪ 'Cause I'm dancing ♪

♪ Dancing dance machine.. ♪

Alright. Get it up.

Get it up. Go on.

- 'Get it up.'
- Oh, God! Aah.

'Get in there. Get in there.'

[laughing]
That's what you get.

What was that called?
The achy-breaky dance?

It ain't funny.

Ow!

This looks bad.

Oh, he did hit
the floor pretty hard.

You guys better take him
over to the Emergency Room.

- Come on.
- Oh, no, no, no.

- Come on.
- No hospitals.

- I hate doctors.
- Okay. Alright.

[muttering]
Oh, doctor, doctor! Doctor!

[instrumental music]

Okay, careful.
Watch out for that cast.

[grunting]

Alright, Hop-along.
Have a seat on the couch.

[rattling]

Shawn, would you help him down
before he destroys the place.

Yo, G,
watch where you're
going.

I'm sorry.

I guess I'm not good
at being an invalid.

Then again I wouldn't need
this crutches

if it wasn't foryou.

Oh, come on, Tiny Tim.

It wasn't anybody's fault.
Sometime accidents just happen.

How you think I got you two?

Pop, I'm never gonna be
able to dance again, man.

Marlon, it's just a broken leg.

The doctor said
you'll be fine in a
month.

A month? Shawn, the dance
contest is tonight, man!

And I had that $2000
all but won.

Well, cheer up, G.

It ain't like dance is
the only thing you're good
at.

I mean, you know, you can always
go out there and, you know..

Mm-hmm.

I mean..

Just cheer up.
That's what I
mean.

That's right. That leg
is gonna mend in no time.

Until then, we gonna wait on
you
hand in foot to make sure

you get everything you
need.
Right, Shawn?

No.

You know I've raised
you
better than that.

In this family, we look
out
for each other.

Marlon, we gonna be by your
side
every step of the way.

Good.

'Cause I got to go
to the bathroom.

- He's all yours, son.
- Peace out.

Do I look like
Dr. Quinn, medicine woman?

You better get him some diapers.

Shawn, show some sympathy.

It was your coffee
he slipped in.

Look at that helpless
little face.

Lookin' more like
his mama every day.

Bye.

[upbeat music]

Oh, no. Well, I'm just happy
to be here at work

while I don't have to listen
to Marlon nag.

- Hmm.
- So who's watching Marlon?

Pops, he's a grown man.

He don't need nobody
to watch him.

Besides,
I left him a Barney tape.

You left him at home by himself?

That boy can't get around.
What if he gets hurt?

Oh, pop, trust me.

He's not gonna be
wanting to get around.

Not without these.

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, leaving that

poor defenseless child
stuck on the sofa.

Break yourself.
Break yourself, fool!

Break yourself.
I said break yourself.

Marlon, Marlon. Where did you
get the wheel chair?

Well, pop..

...after spending my morning
like James Caan in "Misery."

Dragging my helpless body across
the cold splintered floor..

...I came across
Mr. Man's credit card.

Are you crazy? Well, I ain't
paying for no wheelchair.

Too late, you
dirty-birdy.
You already did.

I told you, if you left him
at home by himself..

...he's gonna get you
in trouble.

Mmm. This wheelchair's snazzy.

If my mother had one of these,
I wouldn't have to pull around

in that little red wagon.

Hey, Dee, if I had one of these
for the dance contest yesterday

I still could've won.

Check this out.

[rapping]

♪ Ha.. ♪♪

[indistinct]

Get that ice, homies.

Guess who's got dance fever?

Why, Mike.. Wait.

Don't tell me you won that
dance contest Deney Terrio.

Thanks to you, home-skillet.

You're my main competition.

Give me that.
That belongs to me.

I don't know about all that,
brother.

You're gonna have
to beat this.

[scatting]

I'd like to beat it
with a bat.

Ah, y'all are just jealous

'cause I was keeping
it
re-e-eal.

Anyway, I'd love to stay
and rub it in

but I'm gonna take
my monies and my..

[clears throat]
...honeys..

...to Atlantic City
and get my freak goin'.

See ya.
Wouldn't wanna be ya.

Damn, man! That's messed up.

Those would've been
my monies and my honeys.

You owe me $2000.

You are trippin', "Ironside."

Look here, Shawn.
I want my trophy.

My hoochie mamas,
and my 2000 of them thangs.

Yeah? Well, I got news for you.

You ain't getting
none of them thangs.

And if you don't like it,
sue me.

Well, you know what?

That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

I'll see you in court, mister.

Come on, open the door.

Ain't you got no respect
for the handicap?

Hey, anybody's got
some jumper cables?

You better call "Crippled A."

[instrumental music]

I wonder where Marlon is.

Your case is up first.

Knowin' Marlon,
he probably got busted

in his wheelchair with a hooker.

Make way. We have have
a very sick man here.

[Marlon groans]

What the hell is going on?

I can't breathe.

No. I need mouth to mouth.

Oh, be careful, be careful.
I'm fragile.

Okay.

[groans]

That man has made my life
a living hell.

You can fake it all you
want,
bad actor.

You ain't gonna win this
case.
I got it locked up.

What makes you so sure?

Ah, my attorney.

[clears throat]

Greetings! Cats and clients.

T.C., you representing Shawn?

That's right. For free.

See, me and T.C. discovered
we have somethin' in common.

What's that, stink breath?

Besides that.

We both wanna make you
out to be

the lying snake
that you really
are.

Oh.

(male #2)
'All rise.'

The honorable Judge,
Juanita Marshall, now
presiding.

Damn bro, you can use
a shot of helium.

Young man, can you rise?

Well, maybe if you
toss my salad.

Be seated.

Okay, before we begin,
let's get one thing
straight.

This is a small-claims court.
Not LA law.

Okay.

We have a lot of cases today.

So get in, get out
and no one gets hurt.

Just the way I like it
with my ladies.

Plaintiff is suing for $2000

in lost winnings
from a dance contest.

The defendant is counter suing
for $2000 in paid medical
bills.

- What? You're suing me?
- That's right.

You want to play
hard,
poor baby boy.

- Jerk.
- Punk.

Gentlemen.

Let's get one thing clear.

No one speaks in this court
unless I say so.

Well, he started it.

- I did not.
- Did so.

I'll run you over
with my wheelchair.

Try it.

[gavel thuds]

Don't make me come over there.

Alright, plaintiff, do you
have
your opening statement ready?

Yes, Your Honor.

Today I'll be calling
witnesses to testify

that Shawn Williams, that man..

...is responsible for my..

...broken leg.

And who's responsible
for you losing your damn mind?

Move to strike, Your Honor?

Sustained.

[screaming]

Order. You watch yourself.

Next time I'm gonna
let him hit you.

So let I get this
straight,
Miss Baxter.

Not only did the
defendant
spill the coffee

but he actually laughed
when I fell down and became

the helpless cripple
that you see before you.

That's the way I saw it.

Thank you, Miss Baxter.

No further questions.

Big chops is all yours.

Now.

You're employed as the
security
guard in the lobby.

Is that correct, brown sugar?

Yes, that's right.

So your job is to watch
and observe what goes
on.

Isn't that so,
my chocolate mountain?

Yes.

But, ebony pudding, you..

[gavel thuds]

Counselor.

One more characterization

of this witness as
an African-American dessert..

...I will find you
in contempt of court.

Understood, my baby Ruth.

[gavel thuds]

Five hundred dollars.

Do-do-do it, judge.

So, Miss Baxter.

And it is miss, isn't it?

I prefer mizz.

Either way you ain't
got no man, right?

Well, I do date.

Now, you're under oath,
Miss Baxter.

- Yes, I'm single.
- Hmm.

And as a desperate
and single woman

isn't it true
that the only
thing

that you observe in the lobby

are the
tenderloins
of my client?

Negro, are you out of your mind?

On June 21, did you not refer

to my client's posterior

as and I quote, "Bubblicious?"

- I was buying gum.
- 'Oh.'

And were you buying gum
on September 12

when you pinched his rope?

Uh, the...he-he had
some lint on his back pocket

and I was just trying
to get it off.

Ah.

Getting off, were you?

[stuttering]
I-I mean.. I didn't mean..
I swear--

Oh, Miss Baxter.

Isn't it true that my client has
refused your numerous advances?

I mean, isn't this
just the revenge

of a woman's scorn?

Oh-oh..

[gavel thuds]

- Counselor?
- Mm.

This line of questioning

is completely inappropriate.

Oh! I get it.

Oh, you sisters
gotta stick together,
huh?

Excuse me?

Are you implying
that this court is biased?

Well, Your Honor, I don't
see
no ring on your finger.

How'd you like to see
the inside of Rikers?

No, no, no..

...my caramel swirl.

[gavel thuds]

Bailiff,
get him out of my sight.

With pleasure, Your Honor.

Hey, man! You can't manhandle
me
unless I say it's okay.

[gasps]
Okay.

Mr. Williams..

...what is your
relationship
to the defendant?

- Shawn's my son.
- Okay.

And what is your relationship
to the plaintiff?

You're my son too.

Okay. Now, this next
question
can be difficult.

So I want you to take
your time in answering,
okay?

Who is your favorite son?

Shawn.

Well, at least
I'm mom's
favorite.

No, you're not.
She like the dog.

Oh, oh, counselor,
is this going anywhere?

[sobbing]
I just wanna be loved by
somebody, Your Honor.

Well, don't look at me.

Get on with the case.

Now, Mr. Williams,
in your own words

would you kindly tell the court

what exactly did I
slip on
to sustain my injury?

- Coffee.
- Okay.

And where did this coffee
come from?

Columbia, actually.

It's the only kind I serve.

No. No, no, no.
No, no, no.

Let me rephrase the question.

How did the coffee
get on the floor?

It spilled out of Shawn's cup.

Ah-ha!

So you're saying that if Shawn

hadn't spilled that coffee

I would not be
the pathetic
cripple

you see before you today?

You'd still be pathetic.

Just answer the question,
tacky suit.

Is Shawn responsible
for my injury?

Well...I have to say yes.

Oh, pops, I thought
you'd say I was your
favorite.

Well, I'm sorry, son. I have
to tell it the way I see it.

No further questions.

He's all yours.

(Marlon)
'Ow!'

Mr. Williams..

...you've been known to..

...have a drink or
two
every now and then

is that correct?

Well, everybody
have a little taste.

You know, every now and then.
You know that thing..

A little taste.

So, are you a drinker or not?

I wouldn't say that.
You know, maybe--

Answer the question!
Do you drink? Yes or no!

- Well, yes.
- So youare

Yes, yes, yes!

I drink!

Calm yourself, old man.

Now, Your Honor..

...how can anybody
take seriously

the mad ravings of
admitted 50-year-old
drunk!

I suggest that his testimony
be stricken from the record.

Wait, just a minute!
Wait a minute.

I wanna change my testimony.

[chuckles]
I thought you might.

What do you wanna
change it to, Ned the
wino?

You are not my favorite son.

Marlon is.

Oh, father!

[indistinct mumbling]

I believe I've heard enough
of this case to make a
ruling.

Hold up, Your Honor, uh..

I'd like to call
a witness to the stand.

Oh, alright. Make it quick.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the court..

...Your Honor..

...I'd now like to call
to the stand..

...Mr. Marlon Williams!

Ooh. W-wa-wait! What?

I object, Your Honor.

Haven't I suffered enough?

Not from where I sit.

- Mr. Williams?
- Uh-huh.

Exactly, how long
have you known the defendant?

[sighs]

All my life.

What up, G?

All of your life.

And isn't it true
that on the day you were
born

the defendant gave you his

favorite blanket
in the hospital?

I don't recall.

You don't recall?

I was one-day-old
and I was still suffering

from the pain of my
circumcision.

Well, do you remember
when you were two and a
half..

...that the defendant gave you

a record player and a 45
of James Brown "Sexmachine?"

Maybe something like that.

And isn't it true that
that was the very first time

you ever danced
in your entire life?

Yes.

And isn't it true that..

...as soon as defendant

found out that you were injured

he rushed down to the hospital
and held your hand

while they set your cast?

Yeah, that's true.

Then why the hell are you
doing
this to me, stupid?

Because you owe me, that's why.

[gavel thuds]

Alright, boys. That's it.

Look..

...you work together..

...you live together..

...you're obviously

from a very close-knit family.

This isn't about $2000.

Let's face it,
between the two of you

you don't have two quarters
to rub together.

And, Mr. Williams,
tell me what's going on?

I'm glad you asked me
that question because..

[gavel pounding]

So, diddy's a diddy is a diddy.

Skinny goof, you wanna talk?

It's like this, Your Honor.

Every time I try to do somethin'

is never good enough for Shawn.

E-everything I ever do,
he puts me down.

No, Marlon, you're too dumb
to go to medical school.

No, Marlon, you're too ugly
to be a supermodel.

No, Marlon, you're too skinny
to be a porno star.

Well, excuse me
for living in
reality.

But, Shawn, dancing
is somethin' I can actually
do.

And I'm a great dancer.

And I would've won
that dance contest

if it hadn't been for you.

And not once did you ever
tell
me you were sorry, did you?

What?

So, that's it?

This is what it's all
about,
you got me down here

for a stupid apology?

Anyway, you still didn't say
it,
did you?

Marlon, I'm your brother.

You know exactly
how I feel about you.

You just can't say it, can you?

Come on, Marlon,
I ain't gonna sit
here

and talk about my
feelings
and-and..

...get all soft in front of
the judge and all these
people.

I ain't no punk.

I'm sorry, Your Honor, I..

He just can't say it.

I guess, all this was just
a waste of your time.

No.

You think?

Come on, G.

- I'm okay, man.
- Come on, man.

Get off of me.

- Ahh!
- Marlon?

- 'Ahh!'
- 'Are you okay?'

[groans]
I think
so.

You pushed me off balance, man.

I'm sorry, G.

Shawn.

You said it.

[instrumental music]

He said sorry.

'That felt so good, Shawn.'

Your Honor,
he said sorry to me.

and wanted to sue somebody?

Or are you just sittin' at home

on your big ol' booty

wanting to sue somebody?

Or have you ever
broken
into somebody's house

and twisteded your
ankle
on a children's toy?

- You can be constipated.
- Can be constipated.

That's right, just
call
the law office of
Shawn..

- And Marlon Williams'.
- Williams'.

- At 1800, gank.
- Gank.

(Shawn)
Look up, Marlon. Say cheese!