Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Hey! What's up, Shawn?

Hey, what's up, kid?

Wow...I'm really impressed.

- This house is clean. - Thank you.

Hey, let me get that 20 bucks now.

Hold on, let me take my jacket off.

Thanks, Shawn.

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys!'

'Dynamite. That is..'

♪ Girl what you got goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪♪

Shawn, look at the way that girl is lookin' at Marlon.

Maybe he got somethin' hangin' out his nose.

Stop it.

- Marlon! - 'Hmm?'

Come here.

What's wrong? I got somethin' out my nose?

No, sit down.

That girl at the counter keeps starin' at you.

- Where? - Don't be obvious.

Okay.

[grunting]

Yeah, you're right.

- She's fine, huh? - Hmm, hmm.

I think you should go talk to her.

When a woman stares at you like that

that means she's interested.

That's true, I mean, when I first met Lisa

I was sittin' in the back of a club

and all of a sudden, from behind

I felt these two eyes burnin' into my soul.

Turned around and there before me stood

the most beautiful woman I ever laid my eyes on.

Aww.

Yeah, right behind her was Lisa.

[laughing]

(Lisa) 'Shut up!'

Just go over there and say somethin' sweet.

- Just be yourself. - Be myself.

Right, and take that apron off.

You look like the brother on the "Cream of Wheat" box.

Be yourself.

Wow, baby, you're being really nice to him.

I guess he's startin' to grow on you, huh?

Yeah, like a tumor.

Look, if he get's a girlfriend maybe, he'll move out.

Lord, I don't ask for much, but just get

Marlon out of my house, please.

Hi, I'm Marlon, uh

can-can I take your order, please?

Well, what I'm hungry for...isn't on the menu.

Really?

[laughs]

Uh, well, perhaps, I can interest you in

some, uh, hot chocolate.

That might just be what I need

to quench my thirst.

Well, you know, the special of today is, uh

hot legs and they're rather...tender and juicy.

Hmm, you just

said a mouthful.

Whoo! I think, I'm about to have a heart attack.

Whoo!

You know something

you're positively irresistible.

Really? You should see me naked with a rose in my mouth.

Pop.

Look, write your number down, I'll call you.

Perhaps, we can, uh, get together...sometime.

Damn!

(Marlon) 'Whoo.'

Yo, I am never

washin' this face again.

What do you mean again?

Being yourself.

What a great scam.

[laughs]

Shawn! Shawn! Shawn!

I had.. I had the most incredible date last night.

It was different than any date I ever been on.

Oh, no, you didn't play the crying game, did you?

No, no. Listen, it was with Mia.

Last night, I went to her house and I asked her

if she wanted to take a romantic trip

to the Empire State building.

She told me she had her heart set

on a whole another skyscraper.

If you know what I mean.

[mumbling] This was the girl in the diner yesterday?

[mumbling] That's what I'm tellin' you..

Shawn, it was all that.

This girl had incredible physical skills.

I thought I was in bed with Mary Lou Retton.

Hey, I guess, all those

Vanessa Del Rio movies paid off, huh?

[laughs] Mm-hmm.

Oh, come on, Shawn, it wasn't even like that.

We talked about marriage and everything.

Marriage on your first date?

You don't even know her.

So? What are you, jealous?

Moi? What do I got to be jealous of?

You're jealous because I got a brand new girlfriend.

You-you're-you're also jealous

'cause-'cause you don't get to be

Shawn I-have-everything Williams.

That's right, I'm not the little brother on

the outside of the bedroom lookin' in anymore.

There's a new shallow, superficial, pretty boy in town

and his name is, uh, Marlon Williams.

Man, I don't know where you get this conceded stuff from.

[instrumental music]

♪ Shaba didoo doodi doo doo ba ♪

♪ Shaba doo doo doo ba ba ♪

♪ Ba da da da doo doo ♪

♪ Shaba dabi dodi.. ♪♪

Hey, big fella.

Look like you've got a good appetite.

You the owner?

Me and the three banks I owe money to.

But back to your appetite. Can I interest you in a..

...double cheeseburger?

Chicken pot pie?

The whole left side of the menu?

Look, you picked the wrong guy to mess around with.

Al-alright, look, I'm sorry, I-I didn't know

you were so sensitive about your weight.

Uh, sir, we do have a diet plate.

Look, old man, I know about you and my wife.

What? I don't even know who your wife is.

Back off me, brother.

[gasps]

Hey, y'all, just continue eating

we just rehearsin' a play.

What I'm tryin' to tell you, you got the wrong man.

Make me believe you.

Well, think about it.

Why would a woman leave a, a-a handsome gentleman

like yourself for an old, broken down, black man like me?

You do have a point.

You know, I am pretty handsome.

And how.

If only I was 60 years younger.

What'll that make you, fifty? Fifty six?

Black Caesar's wife wouldn't be

hangin' out in a joint like this.

Unless she was meeting some guy.

Well, it ain't me.

What you need to do is go home and find out

what's wrong with your marriage instead of comin' here

and make a big fool out of yourself.

Oh, man, you're right.

I don't get it. She's-she's drivin' me crazy.

[crying]

Now, now, now, now.

Come on, I'll tell you what, come on, come on.

Have a couple of chairs here.

[crying]

Don't, don't cry big fella.

You're too big to be cryin', it's embarrassing.

You don't understand.

I love her so much.

Well, I tell you what, let's-let's go..

Let's go.. We're gonna..

Let's try to go to that table over there, big fe..

What the..

Here, come over here and have a seat

in one of my new reinforced chairs.

I'm gonna go make you a nice

home made bowl of-of chicken soup.

My dad used to give me chicken noodle soup.

- 'Yeah?' - I love chicken noodle soup.

And beeferoni and SpaghettiOs.

And Rice-A-Roni and San Francisco train. Ding ding.

- Hey, Pops. - Hey, son, how you doin'?

This man's wife been cheatin' on him.

Oh, man, that's too bad.

Is it the weight problem?

What weight problem?

Um, I assumed she had a weight problem..

...'cause you don't. You alright, brother.

Oh, Mia, my beautiful Mia.

- Mia? - Yeah.

Yeah, some low life is havin' an affair with his wife.

Makin' Black Caesar look like a fool.

It makes mad even thinkin' about it.

Makes me mad too.

I'll tell what you do, big fella.

What's that?

You're gonna find that bucket head

back stabbin', sleaze ball.

- Yeah! Argh! - Dawg-uh!

And you tear him limb from limb.

That's right. I'mma make that sucker wish he was never born.

- Never born. - Oh, thank you, pop.

Thank you, thank you.

I'll go get that sucker right now.

If I can take a break, I'd come out to help you find that

flea bitten varmint and put them back

'in the dog pound, where he belong.'

Pop, that bucket head, back stabbin'

two timin', fool is Marlon.

- Marlon? - Yes.

Marlon slept with a woman?

Yes.

Look like I owe your mom another fifty bucks.

Oh, baby

I've been alone for so long.

But now, that I've got you

I'm never gonna stop lovin' you.

Whoo-ho-ho! Never's a long time.

I'mma need me a five minute nap and some Gatorade.

Aye,papito.

Ooh, ma ma se ma ma sa ma ma coo sa.

Marlon!

Well...hello, Mia.

Can't you see, I'm busy, Shawn?

Get out of my room.

Marlon, I've to talk to you and I've to talk to you alone.

I'm sorry, baby, do you mind?

It's okay, I have to go anyway.

But, you, I'll call later.

- Goodbye, Shawn. - Goodbye...Mia.

Bye, baby.

- Isn't she somethin'? - She's something, alright.

Come on, what you wanna say? Come on, spit it out.

Look, Marlon, I don't know any nice way to tell you this

but I found out that Mia is married.

[laughing]

You're so desperate, it's pathetic.

Shawn, you're sad.

I finally got somebody in my life that I love

and you don't know how to handle it.

Marlon, this has nothin' to do with me, okay?

I'm tryin' to help you. This lady's married to a nut.

And he's gonna kill you.

Yeah, I bet he's a-a real big guy too, big and scary.

As a matter of fact, he is.

He-he goes by the name of Black Caesar and he's

one of the most scariest brothers you'll ever see.

Black Caesar.

Black Caesar.

That sound like a old pimp from the "Dolemite" movie.

[banging on door]

Who is it? Is-is that Black Caesar over there?

[imitating Rudy Ray Moore] Ahem.. sum-sum sum-sum..

I bet this is him right here, huh?

- Alright. - Now, Shawn.

- Shawn, I'm real scared. - Okay.

- Laugh. - I'm scared.

(Shawn) 'Laugh.'

- Black Caesar? - Black Caesar.

- Fire escape? - Fire escape.

Let's go.

[screams]

Go.

[both screaming]

[instrumental music]

You want to give me a description

of the, uh, alleged husband.

Okay, he was about seven feet...wide.

He weighed about 400 pounds

and he goes by the name of Black Caesar.

- Black Caesar? - 'Yeah.'

Why didn't you say it was Black Caesar?

- Does it matter? - Does that matter?

That guy is a psychopath.

Oh, you boys are dead.

Black Caesar is the top hit-man for the mob.

My girlfriend's married to the mob?

Oh, man, I gotta get out of here.

Hey, boy, wait-wait look on the bright side.

The guy's a pro.

He's gonna whack you so fast

you won't even see it comin'.

Oh, thank God. Whoo.

Marlon, I told you there was somethin' up with that girl.

Why wouldn't she have told me?

She lied, man. Doesn't that tell you somethin'?

Yeah, it does.

Shawn, she was tryin' to protect me.

She loves me, she don't love him.

I gotta help her.

How are you gonna do that?

I'm gonna find Black Caesar.

Are you crazy? That's suicide.

Black Caesar will kill you.

Yeah? Well, he'll have to kill me first.

Marlon, are you crazy?

Yeah, he's big. And yeah, I'm afraid.

But remember, Shawn..

...David slew Goliath.

Yeah but Goliath was a white guy.

[instrumental music]

Hyah!

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Coocoo!

Are you sure this is the place?

I'm sure this is the place.

Leftie, the one arm hobo's never wrong.

Except for the one time he took a nap at Jeffery Dahmer's house.

- Hey! - Aah!

You guys must be outta your minds.

What, you still think I'm afraid of you?

Huh, what you think? You think I'm afraid of you?

Yeah, sure, boy.

Lemme tell you somethin', I'm fightin' for love, baby.

What? I-I-I'm gonna knock that

pucker face of the back of your neck.

'Cause you all big, what you think-think 'cause you got all

this, this, this and this you sayin' somethin'?

Boy, lemme, lemme..

You better recognize, son.

Boy!

So what you gonna do, now?

You had to ask, didn't you?

Hey, come on, Black Caesar, old buddy.

Haven't you ever heard, "To err is human, to forgive is divine"?

No.

Well, I hope I'm not outta line here when I say this

but you need to take your big ass to church.

Hey, man, why don't you see that me and Mia's love is eternal?

That's what the last guy said.

What last guy?

You didn't think you're the only one, now, did you?

You mean there was others?

Well, now, I know I was in love.

'Cause like I can feel my little heart breaking right now.

You? Imagine how I feel.

[crying]

- I love that woman. - I know.

I miss makin' love to her.

I miss it too.

- But here is the-- - Hey!

Enough of all that mess.

Either one of you two raisin heads got a match?

Sorry, I stopped smokin'.

- Yeah, man, I don't-- - I'll be right back.

Now, don't you move.

Ask that little cockeyed girl from TLC.

Yeah, she probably got a match.

I should've known somethin' was wrong.

Why else would she want a pumpkin head like me?

Don't talk like that, kid.

Sooner or later somebody's gonna come along

and love you for yourself.

- You think so? - Yeah.

I just hope, as soon as she brings some scissors with her.

How are we gonna get out of here?

Hey, Shawn, I gotta plan.

- You do? - Yeah.

Listen, once we're on fire

the rope's will be easier to break.

[laughs]

Well, just in case that doesn't work

let's just try and hop for the phone, okay?

Just as a back up plan.

- Okay. - Alright.

Ready, hop to the left.

I've seen this in a movie before.

- Ready? Two, three. - One, two, three.

[both groaning]

[panting]

Okay, let's try the right.

No, no, let's go straight for the phone, okay?

- Okay. One, two, three. - One, two, three.

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Alright, alright, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

Hello? 9-1-1?

Hello? This is emergency.

Black Caesar got us tied up at his warehouse

at Pier 11-E and he's gonna kill us.

What? Caesar?

Oh, I didn't know you was on the other line.

My bad.

Hey, you ever find those matches you were lookin' for?

Try the liquor store.

Okay, well, I'mma just be waitin'

right here for you to kill us, okay?

Alright, take your time, brother.

You two guys are really stupid.

He must've overheard your plan, Marlon.

Yeah, well, overhear this.

Hey!

Okay, screw it.

- I got somethin' else for you. - 'He can't kill us, now.'

What's he gonna do?

[chainsaw whirring]

Please tell me he just rode outta here on a moped.

Hey, you know what, Caesar?

I do got a match.

It's too late.

I already got my chainsaw goin'.

Oh, please, here, kill him first.

Hay, hold it, now, freeze, freeze.

Alright, careful boys, let's go.

Hey...hey, how'd you find us?

Uh, we've been tailing you since you left your apartment.

I figured, since Caesar wanted you dead

the best way to nail him would be to follow you

and catch him in the act.

What if you came in a minute later?

Murder, attempted murder, it's still a crime.

(Shawn) 'Don't light that cigar!'

'Run for your lives!'

[explosion]

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

Step right up, take a picture with our local hero, my son.

The man who brought down Black Caesar.

Shawn, I'm so glad, you're alright.

You must've been so scared.

Me? Scared?

Shh, shoo, girl.. You know, I'm never scared.

I got nerves of steel, you know what I'm sayin'?

Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me!

Marlon, you're alive.

Oh, thank God.

See, now we can be together.

I don't think so, Mia.

Well, why not?

Black Caesar's in jail.

Look, Mia, I don't know much about love

but I do know one thing.

- Shawn, what's that one thing? - Honesty and trust.

Love's about honesty and trust

and you wasn't honest with me, therefore I don't trust you.

So it's all over.

Well, are you sure that's what you really want..

...Big daddy?

It's what must be, sweet mama.

Goodbye, Mia.

Please, lets not make this any harder

than it already is.

Alright.

I'll never forget you.

Now, that is the first time, Marlon

that I've found you even remotely attractive.

Why're you checkin' out my brother?

Hey, kid, I know that was hard for you to do.

You gonna be alright?

I don't think so, Shawn.

Mia was my first love and my first heart break.

I ain't never gettin' over her.

You'll be alright, kid.

Hey, you're the guy from the newspaper.

Hmm, I think heroes are so sexy.

Would you have dinner with me tonight?

- I'm all over now. - You're all over.

Let's go, baby.

Whoo! Come on, pay up.

Come on, pay up, gimme them dollars.

Gimme the dough. Come on, Benny, up the M.

Gimme the M, brother, alright.

Sorry, bro we don't accept booze stains.

But I will take your birthday check, thank you.

Here you go, let's go.

Ah..

Let's go again!

[indistinct clamoring]

One, two, three..

(together) Four, five, six, seven..

- Go, go. - Go on, hey.

(Shawn) 'Look out, Marlon, say cheese.'

[theme music]