Original subtitles

(man on TV) 'Erica, darling, I have bad news.'

'I'm leaving you for another man.'

You're wrong. You're wrong, homey!

You're wrong!

Trifler.

(Erica on TV) 'I have news for you too, Lance.'

'It's the dog.'

'Tiffany's dead.'

Oh, God.

'And to think she just had puppies.'

[sobbing]

[crying]

You ain't cryin', are you, man?

Oh, no, no, no.

I just got somethin' in my eye, that's all.

Yeah, me too.

The puppies, man!

[both crying]

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male 1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys.'

'Dynamite. That is..'

♪ Girl what you got goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪♪

[applause]

Not bad, pops.

These poetry readings sure is

bringin' in some extra business.

I don't give a blip about poetry, son.

All I know is those little artsy kids

love spendin' $5 for a cup of coffee.

[humming]

- Cappuccino. - Thanks.

- Cafe latte. - Mm.

And a bran muffin. That'll be $15, please.

Thank you. Ooh! Only in America.

[humming]

Boop!

Here you go. One cafe Michael Jackson, extra light.

And gettin' lighter all the time.

Yo, Marl, man, where's this girl of yours?

I've been waitin' here an hour. I gotta go.

Chill. She's comin'. She'll be here at, like, 9:00.

'I tell you, Shawn, this girl got everything'

I want in a girl and more. She has all her teeth.

Both her legs.

No mustache.

And, Shawn, she can read.

Man, you better marry that.

I'm telling you. I know how this goes.

Yo, man, I gotta get out of here though.

I gotta go see Lisa. I've barely seen her all week.

Oh, I forget.

That's right, she snaps her fingers

and you just go runnin', huh?

Alright, alright. I'm gonna wait five more minutes.

Just five more minutes and then, maybe I'll go see Lisa.

If I feel like it.

[blows]

Shawn, yo, yo, that's her right there.

'Oh, she is so fine.'

Well, what do you think are my chances?

You got about as much of a chance

at a skinhead or in Def Jam.

Okay, everybody, welcome

to Pop's Tuesday Night Poetry Reading.

Come on.

[applause]

Our next poem is by Matty Embers.

He's a good poet, but more importantly, he's a big tipper.

Go on, Matt!

[clears throat]

"The sun sets slowly on the sea.

"Will you be my friend today?

"Darkness, silence

and then, a tear."

[applause]

[moans] That was so deep

potent, and moving.

Didn't you think so?

Uh, what he means is, he appreciates the sun

as the symbolism of...life.

Yes! That's it exactly.

I just love men that can express

deep emotions.

That's funny you should say that, 'cause Marlon over here

can express deep emotion. Right, Marlon?

Marlon? Marlon?

[yells] Pain!

Pain.

Terrible sadness and pain.

Valerie. Valerie. Valerie.

[sighs]

Mr. and Mrs. Valerie Williams.

I sure hope our daughters look like her.

Yeah, well, if not, they could always join the circus.

So, what do you think? You think she likes me?

Marlon, you didn't say a word all night.

She thinks you're a mute.

Yeah, well, that's why I had you there.

Look how late it is, man.

Lisa's gonna kill me for blowin' her off.

I don't feel too well, man.

I feel dizzy and my stomach is hurting.

- What's wrong with me? - You're in love, kid.

Either that or you pregnant again, you little fish.

Who am I foolin', man? She ain't gonna like me.

She's all smart. You heard her.

She goes to a two-year college.

Marlon, love has no barriers, okay?

Look at me and Lisa.

Her father's a heart surgeon

and my father sells pig feet and coffee.

Yeah, I'm too good for her. Yeah.

But we're still together.

- You think so? - Yeah.

You just gotta get to know her.

- What does she like? - Poetry.

- 'Boom.' - She likes poetry.

- 'Ehh.' - I could do some poetries too.

- I saw the "Dolemite" movies. - Mm-hm.

I-I bought Kurtis Blow's comeback album.

- Yeah. - I've seen "Poetic Justice."

- Okay. - "The Fi--"

- Okay, come on now! - I'm writing.

Hm..

"You and me

"would be a doozy..

"...if we got naked..

...in my Jacuzzi."

That ain't no poetry. That's pornography.

- I'll show you poetry. - Well, alright.

"With a whist...of the wind

"my heart...was stolen.

"Gone forever..

"...by a dream..

...called...Valerie."

That was beautiful.

- Take me, sailor. - Oh, come on, man.

- What you got there, son? - Nothin'.

For the past week, I've been writing Marlon

a little love poetry.

You're writing your brother a love poetry?

What kind of weirdness are you two practicing

back there in that apartment?

'I told your mom you should've slept in bunk beds.'

Sixteen-year-old cuddle up like that. It just ain't natural.

No. See, I write it for Marlon.

And then he gives it to the girl.

Oh-h, that's good.

That's good you're helpin' your brother, Shawn.

'Cause he's gonna need some poetry to get a woman.

You know, he's not as pretty as you and me.

Hey, Shawn, Shawn, look! It worked.

Valerie wrote me back and this time she left her number.

What'd I tell you, boy? I ain't surprised.

I know women.

Now, Marlon, I'm proud of you.

- Now you're using your head. - Thank you.

- Shawn, here. Call her. - Me?

Yeah, I don't know what to say to her.

Come on, call up and make a date.

I don't think so. You're buggin'.

Oh, I see.

You don't think you could get her to say yes.

I mean, you being whipped by Lisa and all

you probably lost your touch. I'll do it myself.

Give me the phone!

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

You can take her to Bordeaux.

That's Lisa's favorite restaurant.

Hello, Valerie?

Yeah, it's me, Marlon. The hopeless romantic.

- Cute romantic. - Shut up.

Uh, yeah, I was wonderin' if I could take you out

to dinner tomorrow night at Bordeaux.

Oh, you're busy?

"My heart bleeds a river of tears for your love."

You can change your plans? Great!

So I'll see you tomorrow night, 8 o'clock, Bordeaux.

Alright, my sweetness.

- Yes! - Take care.

Damn, I'm good.

[both laughing]

Oh, damn. Oh, man.

That Urkel sure does crack me up.

I'll grab us a couple of sodas.

Why can't he just buy some pants that fit?

What's this?

"Your eyes arouse desire?"

Shawn, whose eyes arouse desire?

Oh. Oh, That's Marlon's.

But, Shawn, this is your handwriting.

- Yeah, I know, but-- - Who is Valerie?

Valerie is a girl that I met.. I mean, Marlon met.

Oh, okay, okay.

So, this is who you were with the other night

when you said you were helping Marlon, isn't it?

Baby, you're gettin' this all wrong.

I don't know what's wrong with you.

I can't believe this.

- You're cheatin' on me. - What?

Hey, y'all, don't mind me. I just came to get my basketball.

The boys are waitin' downstairs for me.

- Marlon, wait. Come back! - What's up?

Please, don't lie.

- Who wrote this poem? - Shawn.

And tell her who I wrote it for.

- For Valerie. - Exactly.

Alright, gotta go, guys. Take care.

No, wait. Hold on! Marlon!

Marlon, come back!

Why, Shawn? So he can lie for you?

You don't believe me, do you? See, this is makin' me mad.

If you think I'm a liar, why don't you just call me a liar?

Shawn, you're a liar.

You're gonna apologize for that.

I'mma count to three, alright?

One..

...two..

[chuckles] Yeah.

I knew it. Go ahead, just say it.

All you gotta do is say sorry and you know

I'll forgive you and we'll go back to watching..

Ain't that a bitch?

Man, she trippin'. Girl get a new weave, thinks she cute.

Now, remember, when we go to the restaurant

you gotta secretly pass me poetic things

to say to Valerie, okay?

I can't believe I called Lisa

and she won't return my phone calls.

Man, forget Lisa.

You didn't do nothin' wrong. She should be callin' you.

Yeah, you're right. I didn't do nothin' wrong.

- Not a damn thing. - Not that I couldn't of.

I mean, look at me, man, I'm a delivery man.

And every woman loves a man that can deliver.

- Ah! You know what I mean. - You know what I mean.

Shoot, man. Baby got some nerve.

Yeah. She stomped on your heart.

- Yeah! - You don't need Lisa.

- I don't need her. - That's right.

You sure you don't wanna go over there

and just make sure she's okay?

What? And beg her for forgiveness?

Nah. You can't play yourself like that.

You ain't going out like that.

Yeah, that's right. I ain't gonna play myself.

That's right. And you're too handsome to get played.

- Damn, skippy. - Hey, yo, handsome.

Can I use your credit card?

Sure, man. Sure.

Lisa's gonna have to learn that you gotta get up

pretty early in the morning to pull one over on me.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Wow. This is one classy joint.

Real resquisite.

And Belafonte too.

[both laughing]

- Hi, we have reservations. - Yeah. So do I.

- Your name, please? - Shawn Williams.

Uh, one party, two tables.

I don't like to look at my brother when I eat.

Yes, yes, I can understand that.

- This way. - You hilarious.

You a regular ol' "Seinfeld," huh?

Why is he so funny? I don't get it.

I hope these will do. Our menus.

Alright. Thank you. Wait a minute.

Your chef must've been drunk when he wrote these.

- They don't even make no sense. - They're in French.

I'll bring you English menus. They have pictures.

(Marlon) 'Yay.'

Picture this. I'm the customer and you're a lowly servant.

Now go get me some champagne, peasant.

Well, I guess you told me.

There goes Valerie. Now remember..

Don't say anything until I give you

the right words to use.

Okay. Hey.

But you better make me sound intelligent.

I'm a poet, not a miracle worker.

[chuckles]

- Marlon. - Valerie, Valerie.

Valerie. Have a seat, baby.

Alright, let's get you in there.

I can't believe I finally get to spend time

with the man that wrote those letters.

That's me, letter man.

I had no idea you were so romantic.

I mean, at the diner, you hardly spoke to me.

I thought you were a mute.

That's because I was dumbfounded by your beauty.

That's because I was dumbfounded by your booty.

- Your beauty. - Your beauty.

You got a beautiful booty too.

Uh, be sure to note our specials.

And a handwritten note from the chef for you.

- Thank you. - You know the chef?

- What does it say? - Uh-uh..

[gibberish]

[gibberish]

Oh, and you're funny too.

Uh.. Uh, may I suggest thevichyssoise?

The vichy who?

It's a cold potato soup.

Oh, brother, for these prices, you better warm that thing up

in the microwave.

You know, Valerie, uh, when I look into your eyes, I..

When I look into your eyes, I know that

this is more than just mere flatulation.

What?

(Marlon) 'Uh, Uh..'

[gargling]

'Ah, there we go. When I look into your eyes'

I know that this is more than just mere..

...infatuation.

[chuckles]

And, you know, Valerie..

...this is a love that's gonna last till the end of time.

Oh, Marlon.

Look at me.

Are you always this passionate?

I mean, you're like a young Langston Hughes.

Yeah, well, uh..

Do I do what you do

when I do mylove

Excuse me, I was sittin' there.

Oh, sorry, it looked to me like

you were crawling on the floor.

You don't understand. I need to be closer.

I need to be closer.

Okay.

Give me your hand.

Give me your hand.

Come on, baby, move it. I'll give you 20 bucks.

Come on, baby, move it. I'll give you 20 bucks.

What's going on here? Talk to me.

Uh.. Um.. Uh..

Someone is feeding you lines.

- Uh-huh. - Get off of me!

Get off of me!

It's him, isn't it?

Uh, no, it's not.

See, these are my words. That's me, right there.

Say something poetic right now.

If you see me on the freeway

Baby don't pass.

Put 'em on the glass.

Little rittin-ittin-bittin red eye--

Oh, just stop it, Marlon!

I mean, this is all been one big scam.

You didn't even write any of those letters.

Alright. You got me. I..

I didn't write 'em.

I just liked you so much I had my brother write 'em for me.

I don't know what to say.

Say you love me anyhow.

I'm sorry. I can't.

I love the man who wrote those letters.

Yeah, but, Valerie, these are, these are my words.

These are my feelings.

Doesn't that count for anything?

No.

No?

You're tellin' me my feelings don't count?

You know what? I might be pathetic, okay?

But you.. Y-you're mean, you're cold.

Look at you, you're in love with a bunch of words..

...when you could've been in love with a real man.

A real skinny man, but a real man.

Have fun cuddling with your little letter.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go contain my feelings.

- Yo, G, I'll take care of it. - Shawn, it's over.

It's all over.

Don't let her order anything.

Look, Valerie, let me explain.

No, no, no, there's no need to explain.

Yes, there is. My little brother's crazy about you.

It's just that he doesn't have any social skills.

Never mind your brother, I mean, no one could write those words

unless they felt them in their heart.

And only a woman in love could feel the way

that I feel about you.

Whoa, sister, you got the wrong brother.

No, baby. Don't fight your feelings.

Hey, Lisa, isn't that Shawn?

Kissing another woman?

Oh.. No, i-it doesn't look like him at all.

You know, I'm not even hungry. Let's-let's just go home.

- Hi, Shawn. - Hey, Li-Lisa.

Lisa, this isn't what it looks like.

Listen to me. Tell her about Marlon.

Marlon?

I don't know anyone named Marlon.

She's lyin'. She is lyin'.

Oh, I see, I see.

Oh, that's, this is real nice, real nice, Valerie.

First you break my heart, and now you forget my name?

Love 'em and leave 'em, huh, baby? That's your little game.

Marlon?

Oh, Shawn, I am so sorry.

I feel so stupid.

Not as stupid as you look in that outfit.

Stupid this.

[cheering]

Oh, nice. I mean, really high class.

Here, have some champagne.

Uhh.

Oh, I see. So that's how it's gonna be.

Okay, wait. don't don't, come on, y'all.

Come on y'all, stop. Hey, y'all, don't, I mean, don't.

It's on now.

People, people, please.

'This is a four-star restaurant.'

You're going down!

Oh.

Well, just call me lowly servant boy?

[screaming]

You're goin' down.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Hey, Jane, thanks for taking that pie for me.

How about a little favor in return?

Yeah?

How about hooking me up with Marlon?

- Marlon? - Marlon?

Yeah, he's kind of cute.

And look at the poem he wrote

"You and me would be a doozy

if we got naked in my Jacuzzi."

He's so honest.

Hey, you like that one? I got another one for you.

"There once was a man from Nantucket.."

[mumbling]

"lookin' for a way to make some big fat pay.

"My wife came in askin' for some water.

"I decided to charge my baby two bills and a quarter.

"So I started selling latte by the dollar, two, and three.

"They may call it fancy coffee.

"But I call it..

Ye-de-dee."

[applauding]

Thank you. Thank..