All language subtitles for The.Ms.Pat.Show.S01E07_English

- You ever wonder
why we have to say "I do"

when we get married?

They should replace
that shit with "I'll try."

"Bitch, I tried
not to cheat on you."

"Look, nigga, I'm trying to
suck your little-ass dick."

Marriage can get hard,
especially when he can't.

When you say "I do," you say
"I do" to ugly-ass in-laws,

diabetes, gas,

fake-ass orgasms.

Sometimes you got to go through
the dark to get to the light.

I don't give a fuck if you said
"I do" to a broke-down bat.

You hold that bat down
until it can fly again.

Now, one thing I don't want you
to do is eat that damn bat,

'cause you know that shit
will cause a global pandemic.

- What you doing--
trying to write a essay?

- Just trying to look for a job

so I can help Terry out
with his layoff.

- Oh, well, that's good,

'cause, you know, this
comedy thing is cute and all,

but it don't pay no bills.

- Bitch, you don't
pay no bills.

- How you want your eggs?

- Over-easy, like your mamma.

They still hiring down at that
Liberty Chicken you work at?

- I'm sure they are,
since I quit.

- When?

- As soon as they find out
I ain't coming in today.

You know, I'm gonna go down
to the staffing place,

'cause I want to find something
that I'm passionate about,

like you ... but with money.

- I thought you was passionate
about quitting jobs.

- I am, but it don't pay.

Where's Terry?

- Still upstairs
in the bathroom.

Every time I try
to talk to him,

he run back in the bathroom.

- Sis, did you ever stop
to think that maybe the man

doesn't want to talk to you
about his layoff?

- I don't give a damn. I want
to know why he didn't tell me.

- Have you ever met you?

Plus, men never say anything
until it's too late.

That's why I buy
my Plan Bs on wholesale.

- I just never seen him
this stressed before.

- Oh, y'all are being way
too dramatic.

It is really not that damn bad
being unemployed.

- What the fuck happened
to the lights?

- Well, like I said,
it don't pay.

- ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪

♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- What's going on
with the power?

- We don't know.

- Yes, we do.
- Shut the hell up, Denise.

- It's mad cold.

- Yeah, I'm freezing,
and my phone's about to die.

- Y'all are fake-ass poor kids.

Try taking a shower
with cold water.

That shit feel
like police brutality.

- How am I supposed to cook
breakfast with no power?

- The stove is gas,
and don't act like

we didn't get ready for school
using birthday candles.

- You should've blown them out
and wished for a better life.

- I'm wishing for some heat.

I'm not built
for this struggle life.

- With all that
Black Lives Matter stuff

you be talking and you can't
take a little field trip

to the hood?

- The fact that you equate
poverty with blackness

is very problematic, Ma.

- Child, take that up
with your government.

- All right, thank you.

- I see Ma Rainey Black Bottom
finally got off the toilet.

What'd the electric
company say?

- Well, apparently one of these
Quakers hit a pole

and knocked the power out.

- You expect us to believe

that these white folks
ain't got no lights?

- Once again, we're equating
whiteness to wealth.

- Can you turn off
like the lights?

- Did you pay the bill?

- Baby, why wouldn't
I have paid the bill?

- Ah, uh, oop.

- I just know
we forget sometimes.

- Baby, it's fine.

They said it should be back
on later today or tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

Ah, we're gonna
freeze to death.

- Where the hell are you
going looking like an igloo?

- We got any more
Honey Circle Nuts?

- Yeah, it's there
on the counter.

- Oh, good.

I'm trying to get some
before the milk spoils.

- Oh, boy, you used to suck
on Pat's titties.

You'll be all right.

- It's better than sucking

on them peanut butter cups
you rockin'.

- Suddenly
I ain't hungry no more.

- Look at the Medicaid baby
in his natural habitat.

[camera shutter clicks]
- I got to get out of here.

- Terry, baby, I need to talk
to you about something.

- Can we talk
about it after I--

- Get out of a bathroom
you just got out of?

- That's because you tried
to cook last night.

- I'm serious, Terry.
- What's going on? [sighs]

- I see how all of this stuff
has taken a toll on you.

- Baby, I told you,
the bills was paid, all right?

It's the whole neighborhood.
- Ha!

- I'm not talking
about the lights.

- Then what you talking about?
- I'm getting a job.

- What? No, no, no, now, see,
you ain't got no time for that.

You need to be focusing
on your comedy.

- I can do comedy
and have a job.

Hell, I used to run
from the police

and breastfeed the baby
at the same time.

- No.
- Why are you acting like this?

- I said no.

- Okay.

Now, that's a man.

- You still going down
to that agency today?

- I didn't say
I was going today.

- Get dressed.
We going.

- What you mean "we"?

You are not about to get me
in trouble with Terry.

- Look, Terry need help,
and you live here rent-free.

- I sleep on a futon.

- Bitch, it's better
than sleeping on a crouton.

- [sighs]

- Ooh.

I ain't been in one
of these places in years.

- Yeah, everybody just
looks so desperate.

- 'Cause we are.

- You mean you are.
I don't work by choice.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You don't go to the counter

until you fill out
an application.

- That's what we trying to do.
How do we get one?

- Ask me.

- I just asked you.
- Okay, wait a minute.

So you the security guard
and the clerk?

- [chuckles]
Budget cuts.

Um, fill these out.
- You got a pen?

- Do I look like I got pens.

- I don't know, nigga.
You do everything else.

- Well, they're over
at the workstation.

- You know, you got a real bad
attitude problem.

- Oh, I got an attitude.
You have the problem.

- Where the hell you from--
Mayberry?

You look like you went
to school with Opie.

- Well, you look like Aunt Bee.

- I got your Aunt Bee.

- "Are you willing, able,
and ready to work?"

Ha! No.
No, and hell, no.

- What the hell you mean
"hell, no"?

- I just let go of a job.

A bitch needs some me time
before she get back to work.

- How much crack
you used to smoke, Denise?

[cell phone vibrating]

- That's Junebug.
You ain't gonna answer it?

- I know my kids.

If they call the first time,
it was a mistake.

Second time,
they want some money.

Third time, they was in jail.

- So when do you answer?

- The fourth time.

- [clicks tongue] Ah, come on,
Ma, answer the phone.

- What are you calling Ma for?

- I'm trying to see if I can go
hang out with my friends.

- The friends you let call you
"June the Coon"?

You know good and well
that's a no.

- Dang. My phone's on 3%.

Hey, can you call Ma
again for me?

- No, I'm saving my battery

for when Kendrick Sampson
goes live.

- Don't nobody care
about Kendrick Sampson.

- That's a Black man
talking about activism

with his shirt off.

Oh, we care.

- Wait, come closer
and talk more.

- Why?

- There's finally some use
for your hot breath.

- Hey, what's going on in here?

- So violent.

- He's working the last
warm nerve I got.

- Where's your mother?

- We don't know.
She left with Auntie.

Hey, Dad, uh, can I go
to my friend Ryan's house?

- No.
- But--

- I am not repeating myself.

- Maybe we all just need
a distraction, you know?

Looks like
we all could use a smile.

- You know what? That's true.
Let's look at this

as an opportunity
to spend more time together.

- Yeah, see, that's a good way
of looking at it.

- Yeah, maybe we could play
some board games

like when y'all did
when y'all was kids.

- Oh, God, no.
- Can we not?

- Your choice--
dominoes or Monopoly?

- Neither.

- Monopoly it is.

- Come on, Dad, it is too cold
to be playing games.

- All right, come on,
I'll turn the oven on.

- Great!
I'll put my head in it.

- So what type of job
are we looking for today?

- I'm looking for one
that offers maximum pay

for minimum effort.

- [laughs]

I'm afraid Congress
isn't hiring.

Um, why did you leave
your last job?

- Oh, simple miscommunication--
the manager thought that I said

I was gonna beat her ass
next Tuesday.

What I really said

was I was gonna beat her ass
into next Tuesday.

- Simple miscommunication.

- What's your work history?

- I used to be a small-business
owner and pharmaceutical rep.

- Oh, you have a background
in pharmaceutical sales.

- Oh, no,
nothing like that, girl.

I used to sell Crack..

er Jacks.

It was seasonal.

- What would you say
you're good at?

- You know,
people always tell me

that I know
how to start a turn-up.

Ooh, You got anybody
who need a hype man?

- How well do you
know technology?

- I know how to play
Candy Crush.

Everything else,
I leave it to them, damn kids.

- Ah, definitely sounds like me
with my kids.

It's all about keeping up.

- Child, you can't keep up
with nobody

who come out of the vagina
knowing how to work a iPad.

- Oh, you're funny.
That's a plus.

- I'm a comedian.
You should hire me.

I can make your funeral funny.

- It seems you don't quite have
any assets.

- Stop lying.

I saw you looking at 'em
when I came in here.

- Oh, uh...

- Well, with your poor
job history...

both: We do have
one position available.

both: I'll take it!

- I'll buy Connecticut Avenue.

- Should've bought
Electric Company

and turned the power back on.

[laughter]

- Hey, what's up, y'all?
- Where you been, man?

- Oh, downstairs on the game.
I'm in the championship.

If I win, I get some money
for some new equipment.

- Wait, how are you playing
the game with no power?

- I plugged it up
to the neighbor's generator.

- Do they know?
- Of course they know.

- We live in
a white neighborhood.

I ain't trying
to be that nigga.

- Why would you do that? Do it
look like I need their help?

- I can't tell. It's too dark.

- Ha ha. You're stupid.
[laughter]

- I'm serious.
- My fault--they just offered.

- Well, you can offer it
right back to 'em.

- Wait, you'd rather me lose
on a competition

than to ask for help?

- That's not the point,
Brandon.

- Yeah, and I mean, what
about the rest of the family?

- Y'all don't play video games.

- Hey, look, we just moved here
and y'all begging

these neighbors for help like
I can't provide for my family.

Huh? We don't need
nothing from them.

Y'all are so damn ungrateful.

- Wait, wait, wait. How did
we get pulled into this?

- You know, I don't ever ask
y'all for nothing, nothing.

I give, and I don't
even get a thank-you.

- Thank you?

- Let's just play the game.
- I'm done.

[sighs]

- Okay, um, I'm confused.
What is he mad at again?

- All of us, but mainly you.

I'm gonna call Ashley.

- Dad isn't working, so I think
it has him in a bad mood.

- Oh.

Man, I'm glad
I ain't got no job.

I don't never want
to be unemployed.

- So, here's
the start paperwork

for your new position.

- Oh, thank you.

- Denise, guess who got a job.
- Hey!

You got a job, I got a job.

That's two more jobs
than Terry.

- Yes!

So where is it located?

- Uh, 1771 Melbourne.
That's right near downtown.

- That might be a mistake.

I already offered
Miss Ford that position.

- No, I already offered it
to Mrs. Carson.

- Well, boogers.
This is a dilemma.

- Not really.

I know once my big sister think
about it and realize

how much I've done for her,
she'd give me the job.

- Is that true, Miss Ford?

- That's a negative.

Um, I know that once my
little sister thinks about it

and realizes that she has
a whole husband at home

who's gonna get his job
back any day now...

- Well,
that haven't happened yet.

Plus, she didn't even want the
job when she came down here.

- Well, that was before I knew
I was qualified for anything.

- You still ain't qualified
for shit,

and she gonna quit in training.

- I've only done that
three times this year.

- Bitch, it's February.

- Oh, well, um,
the employer does insist

that we give a series of tests
to each applicant.

- Perfect. Whichever one does
the best will get the job.

- So it's a contest?

Oh, she ain't never beat me
at no contest.

- Shit, where the stairs at?

[knock at door]
- Can I come in?

- You are already in.

- Um, Ashley's on the phone.

She wanted to talk to you.

- [sighs]
- Hey, Pop.

- What you call Ashley for?
- I thought--

- She was worried about you.

- Look, there ain't nothing
to be worried about, all right?

I'm fine, all right?
I just got a little frustrated.

- And where did
that frustration come from?

- Don't you have
a middle-aged white woman

you can go ask
that question to?

- Not until 5:00.

And talking about your feelings
is not reserved

for middle-aged white women.

- Thank you.

- So what's going on?

- [sighs]
I'm not doing this. Here.

- Uh...

well, earlier he said he felt
like all he ever does

is give and give,

but we never
give anything back.

- Hmm. That sounds
like it could be lonely.

- It is. I mean, especially
after the furlough.

- Girl, how about
we let Dad respond?

- Oh, girl, my bad.

Um...

- Daddy?
- Yes.

- You feel alone?
Can you talk to anybody?

- I can talk to Jesus,
which is exactly why

I don't need
whatever y'all trying to do.

- Jesus and therapy
are not the same thing.

- Jesus don't come
with a co-pay.

- He actually does.
It's called tithes.

Let's be serious.

- She's right.

And from what I'm hearing,

it sounds like
this could be depression.

- I'm not depressed, okay?
My daddy was depressed.

I know what that look like.

- What does it look like, then?
- Your mama's credit score.

[laughter]
- That's funny.

- Okay. Okay. That was good.

But for real, Dad, you should
at least consider therapy,

especially as a Black man.

Look, we've been conditioned
for generations

not to talk
about our emotions.

Black people were brought to
this country against our will,

held as property,

and then not allowed
to have thoughts or feelings.

We just had to keep our heads
down, work, and pray.

That got passed down
generation after generation.

But we don't have
to be slaves anymore, Dad.

It's okay to feel.

- Look, Ashley, Janelle, I know
y'all are trying to help out,

but I don't need
to talk to anyone.

- Okay.

Well, that's our time.

Today's session will be 250--

- Daddy, she was just joking.

- We don't joke like that.

I'm okay.

I promise.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Oh, so you still down
to get a Monopoly beatdown

from your little princess?

- Oh, now you got
smack to talk.

- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- Here.

- What's that?

- You gonna need that
for when I'm through with you.

Let's go.
Come on, get going.

- Okay, the first task

is to open up a Google Doc
and write your name.

- What the hell
is a Google Doc?

- Oh, my God, you are so old.

It just takes a couple
of clicks of the mouse,

a few keystrokes, and...

boom, done.

- Excellent!

- The bitch Googling Doc.

She cheat at every damn thing.

- No, only if it's related
to government...or men.

- O-okay, ladies,
close your computers.

Now, customer service
is a key component

to almost
every entry-level position.

Let's, um, role-play
a few scenarios.

I'll decide the best response.

- I'm--I'm really good
at role-playing.

Did you want that girl-on-girl
experience or the sexy nun?

- Okay, well, why don't
you go first?

I'm a little girl who's been
separated from my mom.

[high-pitched voice]
"Hi, I'm a little girl,

and I can't find my mom."

- This bitch can't be serious.

- Well, little girl,
maybe it's for the best

'cause, you know, sometimes
mommies ain't shit,

and yours is probably
at the food court

giving away free samples.

- [normal voice]
Okay.

Okay, uh, Mrs. Carson,
same scenario.

[high-pitched voice]
"Hi, I'm lost."

- What's your name?
- Tyquamotrin.

- Okay, TT...

if you would've stayed still
like your mama told you to,

you wouldn't be fucking lost
and fucking up my lunch break.

Now sit your ass down

and don't move
until I find your mama.

- That was intense

but very effective.

She engaged the child,
got to know her,

and then made sure she stayed
put until the mother along.

- So I won?
- I'd say so!

- In your face, Denise!
In your fucking face!

- You got lucky.

- So follow me.

The last test is to measure
your ability to problem-solve

as well as your agility.

- I'm looking for a job,

not trying out
for the Atlanta Falcons.

- You have 60 seconds
to place the shapes

in the corresponding holes.

- Oh, you ain't said
nothing but a word.

- And...go!

- My shapes ain't getting
in there.

- Ten seconds down.

- She cheating!
- I am not! You cheating!

- You are cheat--Get your ass
over here to help me.

I got on a Spank. Come on!

Pick the shit up faster.

Can you hurry
the fuck up, please?

- 20 seconds dow--
- Oh, hell, no!

[indistinct shouting]
- Stop it.

Stop it!

[screaming]
Stop it!

- Who the hell
are you hollering at?

- What are you doing?
both: Trying to win!

- I know damn well
you ain't crying.

- Why do you have
to do it like--like this?

- 'Cause she cheating,
and she always damn cheating.

- Why should I play fair with
somebody who has everything?

- What are you talking about?

- I'm tired of competing
with you, Pat.

Why can't you just let me
win something?

- Who said I'm competing
with you?

- You got the kids,
you got the husband,

you got the big house,
and you're an artist.

Can't nobody else
in the family say that?

- I'm a artist
who can't even pay the bills.

- Well, money has nothing
to do with passion.

I mean, isn't that
what it's all about?

[laughs]

I almost had your ass with that
bullshit I said right there.

That was some good--

I mean...

I want my thing, too, Pat.

I mean, sometimes I wonder
why I even got clean

if there's nothing for me
to look forward to.

And that's why
I'm always quitting

'cause I'm hoping
that my next job

will the thing
that gives me some purpose.

- Sometimes finding your
purpose is like stuttering.

You know what you want to say,
but it don't come out clear.

But you get closer each time.

Just don't stutter
another damn job, Denise.

- All right, sis.

- Sorry to disturb
this sister-girl moment,

but I have the results.

- Look, just give my sister
the job. She needs it.

- Aw, thank you but, no,
give it to Pat-Pat.

She deserves it.

- Aw, That's so sweet
and not helpful.

I might as well just read
what I've got.

- Hold on, hold on.

Why didn't you disclose
that you were both felons?

- [gasps]

- Who the fuck told you
to check?

Ain't nobody ask you
what you been doing,

playing with them cats
and shit...

tight-sweater-ass nigga.

- That's my hotel. Pay up.

- It's okay because
I am still winning.

- Mm-hmm.
- Now, to be honest,

I'm surprised y'all still
playing this with me.

- We don't want to.

I mean, we didn't
want to at first,

but, uh...
[chuckles]

We're pretty sure
you don't always want to do

the stuff you do for us.
- I don't.

But y'all do wonders
on my tax returns.

- Pay up.
Mm-hmm.

Thank you!

Dang, Daddy, after this,

you really ain't gonna have
no money.

- Oh! Sh--
- Oh, my bad, Dad!

- I'm cool. I'm cool. I'm cool.
- Are you okay?

- I'm fine. I'm fine.
- You sure?

'Cause, you don't seem like it.

- I wish everybody would stop
fucking asking me that!

I'm fine!

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

- Well, at least
we ain't got to play no more.

- What's going on?
The kids called four times.

Hell, I thought
these white folks

gonna turn them
into strange fruit around here.

- I just lost it.

I felt that pressure well up,
and I said "fuck" to the kids.

- That's it?

Fuck them kids.

- Never mind.
I got to go to the bathroom.

- Terry, stop acting
like you got to shit.

I'm your wife.
You can't keep escaping me.

- That's exactly why I need
to escape you.

- Move over.
- [clicks tongue, sighs]

Look, I know we struggling.

- We're not struggling.

I just got to get that job back

so we don't have to dip
into our savings.

- That's why I was trying
to get a job,

so I can help you out.

- I already told you
how I feel about that.

- You're right. I guess I got
to make this comedy thing work.

- And it will.

- I sure hope so.

Now, what's going on with you?

- Well, I feel like
I brought everybody out here

to the middle of nowhere
for a job I ain't even got.

- You did.

But we know you got us.

And it's all right to let us
have your back sometime.

All right?

- All right.

Ashley got me a number

to somebody out here
I can talk to.

- I hope it's not
a lesbian hotline.

- [laughing]

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

Boy, don't you know
how to knock?

- Pops, I got you something.

- Keys to your new apartment?

What is this?

- I won my first championship

That'll cover my rent
for the next few years.

- Brandon, you can't even get
a month with this.

But I appreciate the help.

- We appreciate you, too, Pops.

- What the hell?
- Oh, oh, all right.

We doing that. Okay.
Oh, come on.

- And you all right, too, Ma.

- Hey! Y'all can't be busting
up in our room like that!

- Hey! Get the fuck off my bed!
This shit weak!

- Whoa! The fucking light's on!

- Finally!

- See, I-I told Denise
it wasn't me.

- Hey, where is Auntie anyway?
- She got a new job.

- Another one?
What is it this time?

- The easiest shit
she could find.

- Enjoy your day.

You ain't gonna say it back?

[scoffs]
Fuck you, too, then.

Wait, hey,
where your receipt at?

I said where the fuck
your receipt at?

[funk music]

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman,
and she don't take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman,
and you can't get enough ♪

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take
no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman,
and you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman
with a husband and kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ♪