All language subtitles for The Moth Effect s01e02 David is Goliath.eng

Look here, Johnson,

I'm going to get
to the bottom of this.

Well, anyway.

Oh.

Bring the beat back.

Oh, yes, I remember that.

Yes, I remember that.

Good evening.
Our first story tonight,

news of an incident
in Australia.

Details are still unclear,
but it appears several

buildings have been damaged
and civilians injured.

I think we have some footage
that's just been submitted.

Trust me, just run.
Run while you still can.

It's Attenborough!
It's David Attenborough!

He's f*cking pissed off.

Oh sh*t, here he comes!

Disturbing images there.

As always, we do have
in the studio with us

Susan Faye,
who's going to give us

the latest on this unfolding
situation. Susan.

Thanks, Hugh. Earlier today,
Sir David Attenborough

went from national treasure
to international incident

when, no longer able to
internalise his rage

caused by decades of us
celebrating his documentaries

while also
disregarding their message,

he, and I quote,
"Totally flipped his biscuits."

At 6:45 GMT, witnesses described
him as becoming

abnormally strong, tossing
a black cab into the Thames.

At 7:20 he was no longer able
to contain his rage against

humanity's indifference towards
the natural world and onlookers

say he grew substantially in
size, eventually towering over

a double-decker bus,
or a stack of 11 children.

At 9:20, another sighting,
this time in Dubai,

where a towering Attenborough
headbutted the Burj Khalifa,

knocking it to the ground,

before eventually crossing the
Indian Ocean,

and heading towards Australia.

So sorry to cut you off, Susan.

I do believe we have someone on
the ground who has a visual

on the Attenborough,
who's now reached Sydney.

We've got, yes, Tony is down
there, old T-bone. Tony?

Thank you, Hugh. Well, I did
just make visual contact

on what is now being referred to
as a massive Attenborough.

He is absolutely humongous now,

the very earth shaking
every time one of his

beige-panted legs
makes landfall.

And can you currently see him?

No, unfortunately, we lost him
through smoke

billowing through a skyscraper
he's just clotheslined.

Gone is the calm, wistful,
narration,

replaced instead by the
unforgiving wrath of a vengeful

colossus, and easily the largest
TV presenter I have ever seen.

Something's
gone wrong.

Tony?

-

Oh my God!

Tony?

Dear God, no!

Tony!

Tony Jennings there.

Beloved reporter,
and latest victim

of the massive Attenborough.

Well, we're joined now
by intelligence analyst

Margie Smith.

Margie, can this massive
Attenborough be reasoned with?

Absolutely not.

His terms are utterly
irrational.

He's insisting that we cherish
the Earth

the same way he does.

Otherwise, he'll destroy us all.

Yes, and I believe we have
audio of those demands

being made
from a few moments ago,

when he spoke face-to-face
with a helicopter.

You see?

- He's a global threat.
- Much like climate change.

Yes, but he's a threat
right now.

Not in some long-term way
that we can vaguely

sort of choose
not to think about.

Forget David, he is all Goliath.

How can he be stopped, Margie?

This is an existential threat,

and it requires all of us,
regardless of our differences,

to come together and unite
in a common strategy.

Yes, as we're seeing.
Leaders from the US,

China, and Russia seen here
all holding hands,

gleefully burning an effigy of
the upscaled nonagenarian.

Over on Twitter as well,

the reaction has been
uncharacteristically unifying.

Susan?

That's right,
87% of Twitter users say

they'd like the famed
British knight to be killed,

while 13% say they'd like him to
be captured and then murdered.

If you'd like to feature on our
wall, please take a photo

with your own burning effigy
and use the hashtag

"burnattenboroughburn."

We're from QAnon,

the online conspiracy supergroup

that's all the rage.

Using the QAnon approach,

we help people
who have lost their voice

find an audience.

I'm so funny.

Okay, so we've got Ted.

He's a well-educated
dissident author,

likes talking about big ideas,
but he no longer connects

with people and
basically feels old-fashioned.

And if you can't accept
yourself…

No one else will.

Meet Ted. Ted was a best-selling
anti-establishment author.

Now, his books don't even sell
because, like, the books

are full of boring things like
words, research, and facts. Ew!

Anyway, so Ted needs
a QAnon makeover

to make sure his new ideas
spread like the plague.

So, I used to love a good
controversial discussion,

but recently
I've found fewer people

wanting to share in my ideas.

I feel like I'm losing my voice.

I feel like
no one's listening to me.

Knock, knock.
QAnon to the rescue.

It's makeover time.

The aesthetic of your ideas,
their style,

the way you communicate.
It's all a bit meh.

And we thinks
it needs a refresh.

We want you to go from has-been
to conspira-seen.

I'm for it.

Oh, Ted.

Ted's house is spacious, homely,
and well-designed.

Reeks of sheeple.

We are going to give it a
refresh that's more suited

to a modern man with outlandish
and fashionable ideas.

We're going to take away
any single open window,

and maybe even open doors.

Ted is going to be isolated
like he's never been before.

Gang. We're going to break
this bread together.

Okay. Ready? Steady, and go.

First step is, um, your books.
Media Manipulation.

Silencing of Dissidents.

I mean, that culture of
authorship is just so passé.

Yeah.

That's the old you because now
it's the 2020's, Teddy.

You have to be creating
clickbait with wild titles like,

Why All Democrats Eat Babies.

And, How Bill Gates Caused 5G.

Ten Things In Toothpastes
That'll Control Your Mind.

But none of
those things are true.

Teddy, it doesn't matter what's
true. What matters…

is always being right.

- I see.
- See.

My man!

Goodbye, Manufacturing Consent.

Hello, Manufacturing Content.

More like,
Carl Jung's The Dead Book.

Oh wow. This looks nice.

It actually looks really nice.
Do you want that?

It's great.

It's like a rebirth, I guess.

I liked the thing
about, um…

...being right.

I think that's,
that's the key to it.

Well done, Ted.

Well done.

I don't have any regrets.

I think it's the right way
forward for me.

They found Elvis.

Wow, just perfect.

Is this the bit

where we go
to the fancy designer shop?

We were thinking more
a paramilitary look.

Because nothing's screams,
"My ideas are worth hearing,"

than looking as if you're going
to murder someone

if they don't listen to you.

While Veroche
picks your outfit,

we're going to
sort your hair out.

I trust you guys.

So you should, mate.
So you should.

Okay, Ted. Come on out.

What's up, Ted Heads?

Yeah!

Oh man!

So, what's the title
of your next video, Ted?

My Proof that Feminists
Are Actually Jewish Paedophiles.

Like that?

I can't believe that just
two weeks ago,

you were writing proper books

that weren't getting read by
anyone.

Now, you've got over 20,000
YouTube subscribers in two days,

and the stuff you're saying

is an incomprehensible,
garbled form of psychosis.

You did it.

Hail the lizards!

Ted Heads! Ted Heads! Ted Heads!

["The Star-Spangled Banner"
plays]

Oh my God, Jess!

So good to see you out.

But wait, if you're here,
who's looking after the kids?

Um, Paul.

that dad life

we splash-splash

of a modern major daddy

did you hear that?

what a total catch

it's still mostly me

I'm clocking overtime

if it fits my schedule

what you're doing right now!

It's not babysitting
if it's your own kid.

I just say f*ck it

27 chicken nuggets

a healthy wrap and grapes

not all heroes wear capes

read the recipe wrong

our 6-month-old is strong

committed an assault

What the f*ck?

I've got them dad vibes

for twice the praise

I get heaps of cred

I mean,
you only put them to bed,

like, twice a week.

she snapped you up

Oh my actual God.

Okay.

for doing f*ck all

was when he emptied his balls

f*cking Pied Piper

confidence, Paul

a diaper?

No… aargh…

Aah.

Eurgh!

I got them dad vibes

need to go night-night

let's hear it for the dads

Why don't you hang
with the lads?

a girl's night

Ooh, I work so hard.

I got them dad vibes

I got them dad vibes

I got them dad vibes

On me, on me,
form a line.

Today is the day. Here we stand,
and there the enemy stands.

Today, we're going to send them
a message,

that not a single one
of their footsteps

is going to desecrate
our national soil.

They’re attacking, okay.

Form a line, form a line! Ready?

And… cross… fingers

Wait, hold on.

Wait, so cross fingers,
but, you know,

then we go get our swords,
yeah?

No, no, the power of positive
thinking will win the battle.

We have to manifest our victory.

You what?

I read a self-help parchment.

If you will something to happen,
it will happen.

Right.

Just not sure the enemy's swords
are going to respect the fact

that I was really hoping
to win today.

Oh, negative ninny. Watch out.

She's going to cost us
the battle.

General, could I just get
a sword as backup?

Yeah, I'll take one.

What, and stoop to their level?

What,
their level of being armed?

Look, as soon as you pick up
a sword,

you're committed to losing.

Because you've stopped
believing.

And that's what we need to do,
we need to believe.

General, positive attitude
on occasion,

can help you motivate
to take positive steps,

but positive attitude
cannot replace those steps.

Oh sh*t, they're charging.

All right, get ready
to defend yourself.

And, raise shields!

F*ck.

It's a f*cking mood board.

A better defence
against negative thinking,

I do not know.

Actual physical pain.

Okay, screw this.
I'm going to go to the armoury,

get us a sword or two.

Get me one too. A big one.

Oh my God!

He's costing us
the mental battle.

I'd rather win
the physical battle, General.

- It's too late!

They're upon us.

Form the line.

All right. Reach into
your weapon pouches and…

...charge!

Oh sh*t!

-

Well, I think it's quite catchy.

It's Bono and
Taylor Swift's latest single,

"Atten-Bomb,"

urging for Sir David's
utter annihilation,

and that's currently
sitting at number one.

Proceeds, of course,
going to Trident,

the UK's missile defence system,

which will shortly strike the
massive Attenborough,

directly in the face.

And I think we have a live feed
of the operation now.

There it is. The juggernaut
headed out to sea.

It's a very tense atmosphere
in the studio, I can tell you.

This footage, of course, being
provided by a joint task force

made up of the Navy seals, SAS,
and all the terrorists.

Putting aside their differences

because this really
affects us all,

unlike anything else
I can think of right now.

And I believe we're
moments away.

Yes, this, this could be it.

Yes, they
did it! Oh, what a result.

We, yes, believe
Sir David Attenborough,

creator of over 30 beloved
documentaries,

has been neutralised.

What a victory.

There will be celebrations in
cities across the globe tonight.

Yes, it's so heart-warming
to see humanity come together

to solve a problem
through extreme violence

in the short term.

It's what we do best.

There's literally nothing else
this collected

resources and energy...
thank you...

could have been used to solve,
especially not the issues

that set off the massive
Attenborough in the first place.

Well, I'm off to
immediately propose to someone.

Here's the weather.

Oh, yes,
I remember that.

Yes, I remember that.

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