All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S04E04 - Pawnee Rangers (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Gentlemen, Wilderness
Weekend is upon us.

There will be
no video games.

There will be
no Internet pads.

This weekend,
you have two parents.

Me and Mother Nature.

And I am
Mother Nature's brother,

Brother Nature.

But you can call me Andy. Or
Brother Nature. Your call.

Thank you, Andy.
Brother Nature.

For the last three years
I have served

as Troop Leader of
the Pawnee Rangers.

This is our handbook.

I wrote the
whole thing myself.

Okay, it's time
to give out the badges.

Um... Let's see. Emily, you get the
badge for Most Community Service.

To Casey, the Best Penguin Blog badge.

To Abigail,
Flyest Hairstyle.

And Ann gets the badge
for Second-Flyest Hairstyle.

Oh. I wasn't
competing for that.

I'll say.

Five years ago,
a plucky fifth-grader

wanted to join
the Pawnee Rangers.

But their
executive council said

what obnoxious
jerks always say,

"No. This is males only.
Go start your own club."

She couldn't. So I did.

We're called the Pawnee Goddesses,
and we're freaking awesome.

Hi, Ron. Whose club do you think
is better, yours or mine?

The answer is mine.
Say mine is better.

It's not a competition.

Oh, but it is.

Your club made it a competition
when they kept girls out.

Oh, my stars!
I'm just a little lady.

My fragile constitution cannot
handle the fearsome outdoors.

I have no problem
with strong women, Leslie.

Who is Leslie? My name
is Annabelle Vandergraf.

And, y'all, I just
fall to pieces

when the sun
shines on my head.

However, the Pawnee
Rangers were founded

because some boys want
to go out into nature

and learn traditional
survival skills

without being
distracted by girls.

Well, my awesome Goddesses don't
want to be distracted by losers.

Say my club is better, Ron.
Say it.

My club is better. Say it.

Come on.
Say it's better.

Say it. Say it's better. Say my club is better.
Say it. Give it up.

Whose club is better? Mine. Say it.
You know it. Say it.

On principle,
I never say anything

that another person is obviously
trying to get me to say.

My first wedding ceremony
took two hours.

Because after the priest
said, "Repeat after me,"

I fell silent.

I've been auditing the
budget and I noticed

you're way behind
on your paperwork.

Jerry, you haven't filled out a
PC-10 form in two and a half years.

Oh, geez. I'm sorry.

Yeah, we kind of do our
paperwork at our own speed.

Oh, really? Well, I kind of
need you to do it at my speed.

Fine, I'll do them.

What is wrong with you today? Did
they cancel Game of Thrones?

Nothing is wrong.
Just do your job.

And they would never
cancel Game of Thrones.

It's a crossover hit. It's not
just for fantasy enthusiasts.

They're telling human
stories in a fantasy world.

Fill out the forms, please.
Thank you.

I used to have one really good
reason for staying in Pawnee.

But now, I'm not sure
what's keeping me here.

Although, I am just two sandwiches
away from a free meatball sub.

This is expired.

Rangers, as a reward
for coming on this trip,

I have gotten
you each two gifts.

Go ahead. Open them.

What is this?

That is a canvas sheet.

The most versatile
object known to man.

It can be used to
make tents, backpacks,

shoes, stretchers,
sails, tarpaulins,

and I suppose in the most
dire of circumstances,

it can be a surface
on which to make art.

What's the second gift?

The second gift
is the box itself.

You have ten minutes to assemble a
shelter using only your two gifts. Go.

Ladies, the Goddess cabin
has never looked better.

This year's Cabin
Refurbishment Badge

is going to be
hotly contested.

Okay. So, what did
everybody make

for their loosely
structured craft time?

Lauren?

I made a Gertrude Stein.

Amazing, Lauren.
That's so good.

I really wouldn't
want to follow that.

Ann?

Oh, boy.

I was making some corn-husk
dolls for everyone.

But they kind of turned out wrong,
so they look like monsters.

I'm sorry. I'm just going
to put that over there.

In the fire.

Well, Ann is keeping us warm.
And that's important.

April.

What was your craft?

I drew something
on my arm.

It's a pioneer girl watching her
grandmother get trampled by buffalo.

Yeah. This right here is all the
blood coming out of her face.

D.J. Bluntz
is in the building

Here to announce that Tom
Haverford is in the building

Oh! One, two, one, two!

Donatella.
T-Mobile.

Three words for you.
"Treat." "Yo." "Self."

Treat Yourself 2011

Once a year Donna and I spend
a day treating ourselves.

What do we
treat ourselves to?

Clothes.

Treat Yourself.
Fragrances.

Treat Yourself.
Massages.

Treat Yourself.
Mimosas.

Treat Yourself.
Fine leather goods.

Treat Yourself.

It's the best day
of the year.

The best day of the year

I've got a question.
Mmm-hmm?

What do you think about inviting
Ben to come along with us today?

What? No!

This is our thing.

But he really seems like
he could use a day off.

He's like a skinny, little rubber
band that's about to snap in half.

Exactly. He doesn't
know how to relax.

Donna, you and I are
relaxation professionals.

There's no way Ben can slow
down enough to keep up with us.

My Nubian princess,
this is our holy day.

It's the one day a year I
allow myself to be selfish.

Ooh! Cupcakes.

Those are all
for me, Jerry.

This homemade bulgogi
is so delicious, Kayla.

This is the best Korean
food I've ever had.

I would say it's almost as good
as lukewarm beans from a can.

Right, Ron?

I'm trying to teach my
boys about rationing food.

And your self-indulgent ethnic
food court isn't helping.

Goddesses, let's go over our
schedule for this afternoon.

We have hiking and
then capture the flag,

and then a puppet show
about the Bill of Rights

set to Party in the
USA by Miley Cyrus.

And then, we have lasso
training and a s'mores-off.

So, what's on our
schedule, Mr. Swanson?

We have one
activity planned.

Not getting killed.

Jerry. Oh!

Everybody must be
at Rangers Weekend.

You know, I actually
was a Ranger for 12 years.

That's wonderful. Maybe you
should take the day off.

You know,
rest is very important.

Did you know that lab rats
who are deprived of rest

grow tumors all
over their bodies?

You should Google it.
It's horrifying.

Thank you. Yes. You know, I'm going
to go have lunch with my daughter.

You know, Chris, if you want to, you
know, you should join us for lunch.

My daughter,
she's really sweet.

I would love to, Jerry, but
I'm afraid that I am busy.

- I have got to run.
- Okay.

Google those rat tumors.

Treat Yourself 2011

Oh, Lord. Is he eating
soup on a bench alone?

Tom.

Fine.

Come on, rubber band.
You're coming with us.

What? What are you...

No arguing. And no soup
in the Benz. Get in.

What... What...

What is happening
right now?

Great pillow fight, girls. That
was one of our best ones yet.

Okay, now,
it's time for awards.

Lulu gets
the Golden Pillow.

And the Silver Pillow
goes to Janie.

Ooh.

Yes? What is it?

Ms. Knope?

I don't like
the Rangers anymore.

I want to become
a Pawnee Goddess.

I did it. My club is
officially the best club.

I would give myself
a merit badge that says,

"Best Club Founder,"
but I don't have one.

So, I'm going to give myself,
"Prettiest Eyes," as a placeholder.

I secretly always wanted this
badge, so it works out great.

You were defecting?

I like you, Mr. Swanson.
lt's just...

All we do is sit in
silence and eat beans.

Those beans were a reward.

Well, see, the thing is
this club is for girls only.

Maybe you should start
your own club for boys.

Get back to your canvas box.
We'll discuss this no further.

And I'll thank you
to keep the ruckus down

so my boys can
focus on solitude.

I'm sorry, Darren.
Let's go.

So, Treat
Yourself Day is just a day

where you go to the spa
and then the mall?

I knew you wouldn't get it.

Well, I'm a relaxation novice.
Give me some guidance.

Listen to me, Bento Box The point
of this is to pamper yourself.

Just relax, man.

I can't. There's something
about the sound of harps

that makes me nervous.

Oh, my God.

Hi, Donna.

Hey. Relaxation lesson
number one, acupuncture.

It's great for your
back and your rear.

Needles in your face,
pleasure in your base.

I know.
Here comes my boss.

Hey, Chris. I would like you to
meet my daughter, Millicent.

Wow. Jerry, great job.

I'm your dad's boss.
And his much younger friend.

Pleasure to meet you.

Isn't she beautiful?

I say she looks like my wife, Gayle.
And Gayle agrees.

So, anyway, we were going
to go to lunch, so...

I retroactively accept your
original offer. Let's go.

Ladies, I just
wanted to thank you

for not cheering
when I sent Darren away.

Ms. Knope, wasn't Darren just
asking for the same equality

that you and the Goddesses
wanted five years ago?

In a sense, but it's a little
bit more complicated than...

Wasn't your answer
the very same thing

that the Ranger Council
said to you?

"Stick to your own kind"?

Who wants homemade
peanut brittle?

Miss Perkins, please. We're
in the middle of a debate.

Sorry.

Come on, Goddesses. We just
struck a huge blow for equality

by proving that we
were better than them.

I disagree. LAUREN: What
about a public forum?

You always say that there's no better
solution for a hot-button issue

than a good old-fashioned
public forum.

Great idea, Lauren.
What was that?

I said, "Great idea, Lauren."

I've taught them too well.

I've created a mob of little
Leslie Knope monsters.

I'm so proud. And a little annoyed.
But mostly proud.

70130.

Just relax
and don't move.

This is the most stressed out
I've ever been in my life.

Ben, listen, I'm going to talk
to you about things you like

to take your mind
off the needles. Okay?

Accounting,

trigonometry,
stamps, probably.

I'm more of a rare coins guy.
Help me. Help me.

There is nothing that I like
more than running for charity.

You know, last summer, I did a
50-mile bike ride for the Red Cross.

Yes, she did.

Millicent Gergich.
Biking for charity

is literally one of my
interests on Facebook.

Wow.

I can't believe
how alike we are.

I know. It's, like, we're
literally the same person.

We are having a moment.

Attention, everyone.

Welcome to Wonder Weekend's
first ever public forum.

Our topic today,

should the amazing Goddesses

take pity on the once
powerful Pawnee Rangers

and let them into our clearly
superior organization?

Ron, your
opening statement.

This forum, like all public forums,
is a waste of time. Thank you.

Powerful stuff. Okay Let's
open up the floor to debate.

Who... Yes, Abigail.

Isn't it like Brown versus
the Board of Education?

Separate but equal
is never really equal.

We should let the boys in.
Hmm.

Interesting. Casey.

I disagree.
I think there's a benefit

to educating
the genders separately.

I see where
you're coming from.

Let's hear from a Ranger.
Anyone? Darren?

It's cold
and dirty out here.

And you guys have candy.

I want the candy.

The Goddesses are making some
well-informed statements.

But the most compelling point
is from Darren about the candy.

We have amazing
candy in there.

Welcome to Nirvana.
The Plaza at Eagleton.

There's a reflecting
pool out back.

There's an old-timey train
that runs through the mall.

And three Burberrys.

If you tell your friend,
"Hey, meet me at Burberrys,"

they got to
specify which one.

Let's hit it.

I really want this dress, and
I like this crystal beetle,

but it's expensive and
there's no use for it.

Donna Meagle?
Treat Yourself.

Velvet slippies, cashmere socks,
velvet pants, cashmere turtle.

I'm a cashmere-velvet
candy cane.

Treat Yourself.

I mean, this is insane.

Jerry? A word?

Of course.

I had an amazing lunch. I've already
passed the kale salad I had.

What?
But even better,

your daughter was
delightful company.

Now, I don't want to put you
in an awkward position, but...

You would like to
date my daughter.

Yes. But you are her father,
and that is a sacred thing.

I would like to spend the next
two to four days with you,

so you can get
to know me better.

To find out if I am
the kind of person

who is good enough
for your daughter.

Then, you can come with us on
our first three to six dates.

Chris, I appreciate the gesture.
It's very nice.

But Milly, she's a grown woman,
and of course I trust her.

And I trust you.

Jerry. Thank you.

Mmm.

Boys, I'm trying to
teach you something

about nature
and self-reliance.

Nothing beats hard work and determination.

Is this the Pawnee Goddesses?
I've got the puppies you ordered.

Oh, the puppies
for the puppy party

that we're having
in our cabin?

Those puppies?

What? No...

Man, did you buy anything
for yourself today?

Yeah, I got this
pack of socks.

- Plain white socks?
- Yeah.

That's not a treat.

Donna, get me
away from him...

Look, maybe this is our version
of "Treat Yourself Day,"

and he needs to
do his version.

What are you
talking about?

Wyatt, if you could blow big money
on one thing, not sock money,

what would it be?

Oh. my God! Oh. my God!
Oh. my God!

This is a whole
new level of nerd.

You're right. This is ridiculous.
What am I doing?

Wait! No, no, no, no, no! I
mean that in a good way, Ben.

Listen to me.

You're part of the Treat
Yourself team now, okay?

If that costume somehow makes you
happy you're going to buy it.

And you're going to wear
it out of the store, okay?

You're going to
Treat Yourself.

Yeah. You know what?
I'm going to do that.

I'm going to...
Yeah.

I'm going to treat myself.
Thanks, you guys.

Thank you.

I really needed this.

I've got to treat myself.

Uh-oh. Batman's crying.

I am a Goddess,
a glorious female warrior.

I am a Goddess,
a glorious female warrior.

Queen of all
that I survey.

Queen of all that I survey.

Enemies of fairness and
equality, hear my womanly roar.

Enemies of fairness and
equality, hear my womanly roar.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Congratulations.
You are now Goddesses.

Oh, my God!

Now, have yourselves
a PUPPY Party!

Oh, boy.

Hey. Can I sit down?

Look, I didn't mean
for this to happen.

I have a lot of respect
for the Pawnee Rangers,

even if they were jerks
five years ago.

You're not a jerk.
You're a good troop leader.

Not for these times,
I'm not.

It's taken me awhile to see
this, but these kids...

I don't understand them, and they
certainly don't understand me.

That's not true.

No, it is.

And it's okay.
People change.

Their interests change.
It's the way of the world.

When did kids get
so interested in fun?

I'm going to turn in.

You were right, by the way.
Your group is better.

What's wrong?
Out with it.

I was seeing
a woman for a while,

and then, we stopped
seeing each other

pretty recently.

That's why you've
been off your game.

Sorry, dog-

You're a catch, Wyatt.
You're going to be okay.

There's chicken-heads
everywhere, Ben.

Chicken-heads
all around this mall.

You're going to find one
and you're going to be great.

But for now, why don't you let it out?
Treat Yourself to a good cry.

One question, though.
Yeah?

Why so serious?

Wait! I got something! Oh!

Whoa! Awesome. Nice.

Thanks, D-money.

What kind of bait
did you use?

I bought this mackerel
at the supermarket.

I've been standing
in the water

with the fish on my
hook for 30 minutes.

I saw it on an episode of I Love Lucy.
Pathetic? Maybe.

But it feels
pretty good to have

a bunch of little boys
be super into me.

That came out wrong.

Ron! Come fish with us!

That's okay.

Seems like you have
things under control.

Come on!

Come do that thing where you
catch one with your hands.

I've seen him do it. It's incredible.
Ron, come on!

We need you to
help us have fun!

The first annual Leslie Knope
Remote Controlled Speedboat Race!

See you Monday.

Jerry.

Where did you come from?

Listen. As I said earlier, I want
to keep everything above board

in regards to my relationship
with your daughter.

And as you know, Millicent
and I went out last night.

And it went terrifically.

Chris, that's great. But you
really don't have to do this.

Again, the date
was amazing.

We had
sparkling conversation

and full disclosure, she did
spend the night at my house.

Have a great day, Jerry.

What are you doing here?

We're here for the club.

That was last week.

The ad says today.

What ad?

"Are you
tough as nails?

"Would you rather sleep on a bed
of pine needles than a mattress?

"Do you find video games pointless
and shopping malls stupid?

"Do you march to the beat
of your own drummer?

"Did you make
the drum yourself?

"If so, you might just have
what it takes to be a Swanson.

”Pawnee's most hard-core
outdoor club starts today.

"Boys and girls welcome."

Swansons, are you prepared
for whatever lies ahead?

Yes, sir!

Before we proceed, do any of you
have any dietary restrictions?

Correct. You do not.

First outing
is right now.

I will be teaching you
to dig a proper trench.

Does that sound like
something you want to do?

Yes, sir!

This will be
no fun at all.

The lnternet's not working.

Ben!

We need your help.

Guys, I've told you
how to do it.

You just unplug the router, and
then, you plug it back in again.

I guess I'll do it.

It's still not working.

Well, give it a minute. God.

Okay, it's working.