All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S03E12 - Eagleton (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Good morning, Ron.
Morning.

I know how much you enjoy paperwork,
but don't hover.

Nice bench.
Is that new?

No, that's been there
since the '90s.

What are you doing for
your birthday on Friday?

Nothing. I never...

Aha!

Oh, God.

Birthday,
birthday, birthday

It's your birthday

It's your birthday,
and I know when it is

Ron refuses to tell anyone
when his birthday is.

He's even had it redacted
on all government documents.

Three years of investigations,
phone calls,

Freedom of Information Act requests,
and still, I had nothing,

until a well-placed bribe to a
gentleman at Baskin-Robbins revealed

Ron's birthday is on Friday.

Damn it. I was so careful.

Well, you blew it.

All for a free scoop
of Rum Raisin.

Was it worth it,
Ron? Was it?

I command you
to do nothing.

I'm not gonna do nothing.
I'm gonna do something.

And it's gonna
be really big.

I have a lot of years
to make up for.

I don't like loud noises
and people making a fuss,

and I especially don't like
people celebrating

because they know a piece of
private information about me.

Plus, the whole thing
is a scam.

Birthdays were invented
by Hallmark to sell cards.

They put up a fence.

Who?

No!
What's that?

There's a small park on the line
between Pawnee and Eagleton, and...

Last night Eagleton put up
a fence around their side

to keep us disgusting Pawnee
hobos off their precious land.

There's even a security guard.
You got to show Eagleton I.D. to get in.

Eagleton is a bunch
of rich snobs.

And that's coming from
someone who has a Mercedes.

With a Harman Kardon Logic
7 surround-sound system.

Who builds a fence to keep
kids out of a playground?

Three words,
Lindsay Carlisle Shay.

Who?

Lindsay Carlisle Shay and I
used to be best friends.

We worked together at the
Pawnee Parks Department.

Then she went to work
in Eagleton

and "fixed her deviated septum" and
lost 35 pounds and lost something else.

What was it again?

Oh, yeah. Her soul.

Is the Eagleton side really that
much better than the Pawnee side?

To be fair, yeah.

Our side is this scrappy
piece of land

where kids go to smash
fluorescent light tubes.

But it has a lot of heart.

That's what people always
say when something sucks.

We should stand up
for our town, okay?

Pawneeans are just
as good as Eagletonians,

although on average,
we are several inches shorter

and 80 pounds heavier.

People in Eagleton
are straight up mean to us.

I would never set foot
over there.

But it's the only place that I can get
my Bumble and Bumble hair care products,

so I'm there
every eight days.

Okay, well, I am on
"Operation No More Fence,"

so I'm putting you in charge of "Operation
Ron's Party, colon, Shock And Awe."

I am all over it.

I just need you to do
what's on that list.

Leslie has a lot of qualities
I find horrifying.

But the worst one by far
is how thoughtful she can be.

It's the only park
in our neighborhood.

I mean, where are my kids
supposed to play, the rock quarry?

There's rocks in there.

Why don't we just set fire to the fence?
You know, set it ablaze.

That's arson.

Well, let's leave that up to the
lawyers. The point is, it would work.

Why don't we build a fence
around their fence?

Why?
It would give us two fences,

so if they needed to get to their
fence for maintenance and whatnot,

their pants might get caught.

My son Joey tried to scale that
fence to play on the Eagleton side,

and he fell
and hurt his arm.

You need to get those people
to tear that fence down.

This woman's right.

I promise you,
citizens of Pawnee,

and sweet, brave Joey,

I will tear down
that fence.

Okay, I'm just gonna suggest one
more time that we burn it down.

But whatever
you guys think.

Yeah. Great.

Yes, hi.

I have a question about
your inflatable saxophones.

Do those come
in different sizes?

I'm gonna need
about 40 dozen of those.

Also, what about your
neon gangster fedora hats?

That was rude.

Whatever's going on here,
stop it immediately.

I was just talking
on the phone.

To whom?
It was personal.

I would never make a work-related call.
You know that.

Lindsay!
Leslie Knope.

Hi.
Hi.

Has it really been
five years?

It has.
You look amazing.

Thank you. This place hasn't changed
a bit. Still loveable, but grimy.

Hello, there. I'm Ben Wyatt.
I'm assistant city manager...

Hi, Dan.

Ben.
It's not important.

It won't come up again.

This is Ann.
She is my best friend.

Hi.
Now.

And she's a nurse,
and she works at a hospital.

Oh.

Nice to meet you. I'm sorry.
It's just, nursing...

You must be
so tired and sad.

It's really nice outside.
Shall we speak in my courtyard?

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much
for stopping by.

I was passing through
Pawnee anyway.

I do a lot of charity
work here.

There's only so much
you can do.

You know, I found a picture
of you from back in the day.

Oh.

Look at that.

Let me get a closer look.

So let's talk
about Lafayette Park.

Oh, yes. The fence.

I'm only trying
to protect our children.

Come on, Lindsay,
this isn't you.

When we used to work
here together,

we loved the fact
that parks were for everyone.

That's what makes
them so great.

You know what's
really great?

A private park
that's not for everyone.

Wowsers.
What do you care?

It's just a crappy
little park.

Well, someone
once told me

that there's no such thing
as small parks,

just small ideas.

Hmm.

And that someone

was this woman.

You can take it if you want.
I have many copies and the negatives.

And I have a JPEG.

The fence stays up.

Lindsay, if we...
Sweetie,

and I mean this
in the nicest possible way,

Pawnee is and always will be
a dirty, little nightmare

from which you will
never wake up.

But it was good
seeing you.

What? I'm not asleep.
I'm awake.

I'm wide awake,
and I got my eyes on you.

That's what I would've said if I
had thought of it in the moment.

What did I say instead?

Wow! This is where
they have their public forums?

Yeah, it's not
that great.

They had a valet.

Yes, Eagleton is
nicer than Pawnee.

And, yes, because of their cupcake factory,
the air always smells like vanilla.

Oh, yeah.
Wow.

But their people are not
inherently better than our people.

The only thing they beat us in is
life expectancy, beauty pageants,

and average income.
Who cares?

Factoid alert.

Eagleton was founded
by former Pawneeans.

Pawnee was established
in May of 1817.

And by July,

finding the smell unpleasant
and the soil untenable,

all the wealthy people
evacuated to Eagleton.

Hello, Pawnee.

Welcome to our public forum.

Hi, I'm Thomas
Montgomery Haverford.

Okay.
Well, nice outfit.

What, did you just come
from the stables?

Yes. I was just
at the stables.

You look like
you've been working hard.

You have a million
fly-aways right now.

Would you like to borrow
a mirror or a self-help book?

I would not.

I would like you to get off
your high horse, Lindsay.

Pun intended.

You know if I had your job,
there would be no fence there.

Well, you don't have my job because
you knew you couldn't handle it.

The forum is beginning.

We've got a little bit
of Eagleton business,

and then I'll introduce you.
Great.

Look how pretty
the people are.

Hey, Ron.

How's the street parking
at your house?

What?

Can you handle, like, 20 cars
or a double-decker party bus?

There is no street parking
at my house.

My house is not even
on a street.

Do you have space
for, like, a huge circus tent?

Hey, Ron. Have you seen...
What the hell?

No!

Oh!

Well, looks like there won't be
any balloons for the birthday boy.

These were for a sick child
at the hospital.

My office, now.

I don't work for you.
Don't care.

Decisions, decisions.

I think I'm gonna go with the porcini
mushrooms and boursin, s'il vous pla�t.

...that the Eagleton-Pawnee fence
does a lot more harm than it does good.

Hello. I'm Bertram Rolands,
a citizen of Eagleton.

With all due respect,
Ms. Knope,

can't you just clean up
your side of the park,

put some new equipment there?

Well, we would love
to do that,

but, unfortunately,
money is tight right now.

Hello. I'm Christine Porter.

I want to respectfully say
that I'm in favor of the fence.

I see it as a kind
of punishment for Pawnee

that might inspire your
town to clean up its act.

Well, I would like
to respectfully say

that any child should be able
to play in any park,

regardless of wealth
or status.

Anyway, this is
Joey Plunkett.

Joey, wave to the audience.

Oh, you can't, because
you broke your arm

climbing that fence.

I can wave with this arm.
No, you can't.

Both your arms are broken.

All due respect,
I recognize that boy.

He was caught selling
fireworks to Eagleton kids.

Well, with more due respect,

a lot of boys do that in our town.
You cannot be sure that he is the one.

This is a perfect example of
how we're going to help you.

Here's to you, Joey,
and your mother

and to every Pawnee citizen
who might have a bright future

if they fundamentally change
everything about themselves.

Thanks to Leslie Knope.
I'm not done.

Isn't she trying
her hardest?

So cute and so good.

I'm only gonna ask
you this once.

What is going on
with my birthday?

Oh, my God. Ron,
it's your birthday.

Happy Birthday.
Shut your damn mouth.

This is a fun conversation.

Just tell me what
Leslie is planning.

Honestly, I don't know.
I haven't heard anything.

Why don't you tell me what she
did for your last birthday?

Oh, well,
that was intense.

She totally surprised me.

She kidnapped me
from work,

and then she took me
to that place, Se�or Vega's,

you know, where
the mariachi band comes out.

They put a big sombrero on you, and
then everybody sings "Happy Birthday"?

Damn it.

And then we went
back to my house,

and she invited
basically everyone I knew,

and she had this great guy
doing face painting,

and I had my face painted
like a fairy tiger.

Ugh.

Also, she did it, like,
a week before my birthday,

which is genius,
'cause I had no idea it was coming.

And then there was
a bouncy castle.

Did you know they made
those for adults?

Mmm-hmm.

Maybe I'll change it up this time.
Can I try the andouille sausage?

Tom, let's go.
What? No.

Hey, not you too.

It's gross. I don't like it.
It's disgusting.

Did you guys get
your public forum gift bag?

There's an iPod touch in here.

Man, she used to not be like this.
Eagleton really changed her.

Yeah, what exactly happened
between the two of you, anyway?

Five years ago, Eagleton
offered me that job.

And you said no?
Are you insane?

I talked it over with Lindsay,
and we made a pact

that we would stay
in Pawnee together

and work hard and fight to make
Pawnee a better place to live.

And then they offered her the job,
and she took it and disappeared.

Wow.

Verbena-scented soy candles!

You want me
to do what, now?

Send Leslie somewhere on an assignment,
a conference or something,

and make her take April and
freeze their bank accounts.

I don't understand.
Is Leslie's work unsatisfactory?

No, it has nothing to do
with her work.

I don't want
to get into it.

Ron, look,
this is me, okay?

You know you can talk
to me about anything.

Well, it's my birthday
on Friday.

Hey! Happy Birthday.

I'm ending this right now.
I'm just gonna leave early and go home.

Unless...

That's exactly what
she wants me to do.

All right, everybody
just grab a bag and open it up

and then try to find
some dirty stuff in there.

What are you doing?

Eagleton treats us like garbage.
We're gonna treat them like garbage.

We're gonna take
these bags of trash,

and we're gonna throw it over
to their side of the park.

And then we're just gonna let the
stink and the raccoons run wild.

Well, isn't that just playing
right into what they think of you?

Oh, my God. What am I thinking?
Let's just stop this.

Put everything
back in the truck.

Let's back it up.
No, no, no, no.

Leslie, you promised we could
throw garbage everywhere.

Wow.

I didn't expect to see the
whole Parks Department here,

although it is, sadly,
one of the nicest spots in town.

I am so sick
of this, Lindsay.

Wait, Leslie.
I've got this.

You listen to me,
Lindsay Carlisle Shay.

Why don't you take
your fancy dog,

get in your Escalade,

and if you have
any job openings,

maybe you should let
me know about 'em.

Come on, man.
No!

I'm sick of
being treated

like I'm not willing to relocate
to Eagleton, because I am!

So here's what
you could do, lady.

Take this resume

and shove it into
your human resources slot.

Oh, yeah!
Shove it there!

No.

You might have a fancy car
and a mahogany purse,

or whatever rich people have,

but I remember something
that you're trying to forget.

You're a Pawnee girl.

No, Leslie, I'm not.

Well, then why do you
come here at dinnertime

and get takeout from the
legendary J.J.'s Diner?

It's not for me.

These waffles make
great dog laxatives.

Don't you dare

feed that waffle to that dog
to get it to poop.

Sambuca need to make?

There you go.

Leslie.
How dare you?

No!
- Get her, Leslie!

No!

Garbage fight!

Ugh!