All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S03E11 - Jerrys Painting (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Good morning, Ben.

Sorry.
Sorry.

Did I scare you?
No.

I just wanted to remind you of the
art show that's happening tonight

at the community center.
Yeah. Yeah.

It's gonna be a lot of fun.

Great. Well,
that sounds cool.

That sounds like something that
will be a big success. You know?

I mean, like everything
that you put your paws on.

Your fingers.

Leslie Knope!
Ben Wyatt. Ben, great news.

Do you remember
the woman I told you about

from the county
commissioner's office?

Um... Vaguely.

Sure you do. Cindy Miller.

Anyway, she's agreed to go out
on a date with you.

Oh.

You asked her out for me?

You're going to love her.
She is interesting, smart and beautiful.

Inside and out.

Inner beauty is
very important.

And outer beauty is
also very important.

I thought you had a rule about
inter-government relationships.

Don't worry. Her department is
completely separate from ours.

This isn't anything like your
affair with Tom Haverford.

We weren't... You... You...

I'm sorry,
who are you calling?

Cindy Miller.

Cindy Miller. Chris Traeger.

Guess who is standing in
this room with me right now.

Oh, uh...
Ben Wyatt.

Ben, say hello.

Hi, Cindy. Sorry.

Hi. No apology necessary.
It's just Chris being Chris.

How are you doing?

Ooh! Sparks are flying!

We may have to call the fire department.
It's a government joke.

I love setting people up.

Here's my secret.
I determine someone's best qualities,

and then, I find someone else
with compatible qualities,

and I bring them together.

God, this sucks.

Why don't you just go home
for the rest of the day?

I can't go home,
because I have this

art show opening at
the community center,

and I can't stay
here because I see Ben,

and I can't date Ben because
of Chris' stupid rules.

I feel so...

Powerless.
Yeah.

I'm like that light bulb.

Weak, flickering,
barely giving off any light,

unable to make out with the light
bulb I want to make out with.

You know what might
make you feel better?

A hug?

Paxil. Do you want me
to get you a prescription?

Hey, Tom! A question for you.

Do you know anyone
who's looking for a roommate?

How hot?

I... What?

How hot is the woman that's
looking for a place to stay?

No, it's me. I'm looking.
Come on. That's not fair.

You shouldn't have led me to
believe it was a beautiful woman.

I didn't.

I've been staying at the Pawnee
Super Suites Motel for seven months.

It's a charming little inn with
wonderfully random wake-up calls,

delightfully
unstable temperatures,

and, as of yesterday, bedbugs.

"Four stars," says nobody.

I wish I could help you, Benihana,
but I can't. I have a one-bedroom.

I can't have a dude
sleeping on my couch

if and when I
bring home a lady.

I have a ritual,
and it starts on the couch.

We sit down,
clap my hands, lights dim.

Okay. I understand.

Boyz II Men. Fades in.
Please, stop. No.

No, you don't need to
explain the ritual. I'm good.

You know who might
be able to help out

a homeless dude
such as yourself?

This is awesomely perfect.

Burly just moved in
with his rich girlfriend,

and we need
help with the rent.

We have a couple of
house rules, though.

Yeah, sure. Of course.

You can't use the front door.

You have to climb in
through the back window.

No personal
phone conversations.

If you ever speak to me in Spanish,
please use the formal "usted".

And no
electricity after 6:00 p.m.

She's joking.
Okay.

You can use as much
free electricity as you want.

It's free.
Couple more rules.

If you ever watch a sad movie,

you have to wear
mascara so we can see

whether or not
you've been crying.

There's no noise allowed on Mondays,
and no TV after breakfast.

She is lying again.

She is.

Yes.
Because it's hard to tell.

No. We leave
the TV on all day long

so burglars think that
we're home when we're not,

which was my idea that
I'm trying to patent.

So, you want to
move in tonight?

Yeah. Sure.
That would be great.

You want my gum?
Uh-huh.

Ron, can you make
the opening remarks?

I'm just...
I'm not in the mood.

Neither am I. Ever.

What's wrong with you?
You live for this kind of stuff.

I don't have it
in me right now.

Ron, please. Do it for me.
Make the speech. Ron, please. Please.

Give the speech, Ron.
No.

Yes. Please? Ron? Please.
No.

Please give the speech.
Please give the speech.

No. I won't. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

No way.
Please, please, please, please, please.

No. Please, please.
Yes, yes...

All right! Damn it, woman.

Okay, everyone.
Shut up and look at me!

Welcome to
"Visions of Nature."

This room has
several paintings in it.

Some are big. Some are small.
People did them, and they are here now.

I believe that
after this is over,

they'll be hung in
government buildings.

Why the government is involved
in an art show is beyond me.

I also think it's pointless for
a human to paint scenes of nature

when they can just go outside
and stand in it.

Anyway, please do not misinterpret
the fact that I am talking right now

as genuine interest in art and
attempt to discuss it with me further.

End of speech.

And that's the TV room.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's a mess.

Can you throw that
in the trash can?

I was just here, like,
three weeks ago for your wedding.

What happened?

Well, Burly moved out.

He was the one that did all the
cleaning and throwing away and stuff.

Wait, he moved out,
like, a week ago.

You guys made
this mess in a week?

Well, I always think
April's going to clean up.

And I never clean up.

It's cute, right?

No.

Yes, it is.

Are you guys frying marbles?

We were checking to see
if the fire alarm worked.

It doesn't.

The biggest challenge to
picking the perfect roommate is

finding someone
who's willing to pay more

than their share of
rent without knowing it.

I think we found that in Ben.

You forgot to
paint a painting, son.

So, for my painting,
I chose one

of my very
favorite Greek myths,

the centaur goddess, Dyaphena,
slaying a great stag.

It's stunning.

It's breathtaking, Jerry.

Yeah. It really is.

Wow. Thanks, guys.

Hey, Leslie,
you should really come

over here and look
at Jerry's painting.

Oh, my God.

That's me.
Is that me?

What? No.

Geez, it does
look like you.

You're just
realizing that now?

That's what you see when you
close your eyes at night, Jerry.

Topless Leslie
glued to a horse.

Okay. Leslie,
I am just so, so sorry.

Dyaphena,
she is this powerful goddess,

and I've been thinking a lot
about powerful women,

and subconsciously,
I painted you.

I'm sorry. I'm going
to take it right down.

No. Leave it up.

I love it.

I don't know
how to explain it.

Every time I look at it,
I just think to myself,

"What can't that
centaur woman do?

"Besides ride
an escalator and drive a car."

Art can be so magnificent.

Oh, my God.
The baby is Tom.

What?

This is easily my
favorite painting ever.

What the hell, Jerry? Look at my pot
belly. I look like a pregnant baby.

And why am I so scared? All right,
we've got to take this down. Now.

No, this painting
isn't going anywhere, Tom.

It's staying right here.
Hello, fellow lover of the arts.

Welcome to the painting.

What, is that you?

Well, it's hot.

Thank you.

This guy's in it, too.
He's the little fat baby.

Cool.

Yeah.

What's going on right here?

Baby rolls!

We've been trying to get
that light fixed for months.

Thank you.

Thank her.

Good morning, Tom.

She marched into my office this
morning and told me she wouldn't leave

until I got this done.

Hmm.

Well, I'm glad
someone's feeling good.

They're going to hang that
painting in a public building

where anybody can see it.

In one brush stroke,
Jerry has killed the Jay-Z vibe

that's taken me
years to cultivate

and replaced it with the fat,
brown baby vibe,

which is not as
cool of a vibe.

Hey, Aphrodite. Chris
needs you in his office.

Hmm.

When you're done with the light,
fix the printer.

I don't know how
to fix printers.

Learn it.

Leslie, should I go, too?

This isn't about you, Jerry.

It's my painting.

Why am I upset?

Let's start with
government-funded animal porn.

I'm not sure
that's fair.

I want it destroyed,
and I want a statement from this office

apologizing for an obscene
depiction of bestiality.

Bestiality? It is
a picture of a centaur,

a beautiful half person,
half horse.

And how did it
get like that?

Who had sex with what
and gave birth to which?

Ms. Langman, we hear you,
we understand you

and we are going to do whatever
we can to come to a solution.

Destroy it.

Destroy it?
I mean, is she serious?

Do you find this
personally offensive?

Not personally, no.

No, personally, I enjoy a good
artistic depiction of the human form.

I've dabbled in nude sculpture.
I've posed nude.

In college,
I was in a nude production of Cats.

But I am not in
the nude now, am I?

Because we're in
a government building.

And that would
be inappropriate,

which is what I
think Marcia is saying.

So, take care of
this situation.

That painting is not
going to be destroyed.

Every great work of
art contains a message.

And the message of
this painting is,

"Get out of my way unless you want
an arrow in your ass, Marcia."

Morning, roomie.
How did you sleep?

Well, there were
no bedbugs.

Also, no bed.
I'm going to go buy a bed.

Fork.
I'm sorry.

Are you eating turkey
chili off of a frisbee?

Yeah. It's
pretty cute, right?

No. Do you know
what "cute" means?

What have you got against
turkey chili for breakfast?

What have you guys got
against washing dishes?

We don't have
any dishes, okay?

Burly took them
all when he left.

Now, I bet you
feel like a jerk.

God. Okay, I might need to not
stay here anymore.

No. Sorry, dude. We already spent
your money on a new Xbox 360

and more
frisbees to eat off of.

You've got to stay.

God. Okay. All right.

Here's the deal.

We're going to
clean this place up.

Okay? And then, I am going to
teach you how to be adults.

Cool. We'll get to be adults.

Gee, golly.
Thanks, mister.

Fork.

Hello. I'm Perd Hapley,
and welcome to Ya' Heard? With Perd.

Today's show begins now.
Is this art

or is it pornography?

Here to answer this question

is Parks and Recreation Deputy Director,
Leslie Knope.

Perd, it is
a beautiful work of art.

Governments should not be
in the business of censorship,

especially when a painting is
as awesome as this one.

But this is
where the controversy

of this story gets
even more controversial.

You are the subject
of this painting.

Half woman,
half horse, with what

some would say
are human breasts.

I am not the subject.

The subject is strong and
empowered women everywhere.

But it does look
a little bit like me.

Leslie,
for our viewers at home

who might not know,
are centaurs real?

No.

Absolutely sure?

Okay. So, you always separate
your lights from your darks.

That's racist.

And then,
you get your laundry...

Where is your
laundry detergent?

Right. Here we are.

Okay. This is
bubble bath. You guys...

You wash your
clothes in bubble bath?

Bubble bath,
clothes soap, same thing.

No, it's not.

Well, they both
make bubbles, so...

It was never our
intention to offend anyone

I guess some people object to
powerful depictions of awesome ladies.

Okay.

Also joining us today
is a different person.

Pornographic film actress,
Brandi Maxxxx.

Pleasure to be here.
Brandi, you've starred in

over 200 adult films,
some of which are very good.

When did you get into the business?
Last year.

Fantastic. Now, this painting
right here, art or pornography?

Perd, I think this
whole debate is ridiculous.

What Leslie and I
do is obviously art.

Hang on.
There is a big difference

between an oil painting of a Greek
myth and a pornographic movie.

It's okay, Leslie.
I got this one. What?

What Leslie and I want people to know
is you should be able to have sex

anywhere you want
and show it anywhere you want.

Whether it's girl-on-girl
action, bondage, or...

Yep.
...what have you.

Okay. Hang on.
Pornography is very difficult to define.

In fact, it was Justice
Stewart who once said,

"I can't define pornography,
but I know it when I see it."

Brandi, how would
you define pornography?

For me, it's when
the penis goes in.

All right, we need to do
some basic organization.

Where do you put your
bills when they come?

I read the magazines
and give the rest to Andy.

Which I organize into a pile or
stack that I put into the freezer.

Why?

So they won't get lost.

Bingo.

Okay, you have
to pay these.

Good thing
I didn't lose them.

Okay. New lesson.
Basic finance.

I'm gonna teach you
how to balance a checkbook.

Okay. I am going to teach you
how to open a bank account.

Bank account. Good.

Brandi, I'm Thomas Haverford.

I just wanted to
say I thought you made

some excellent
points up there.

I totally agree with
you that people should

be allowed to have
sex in public places.

You look familiar to me.

Maybe you've seen me
down at the Snakehole Lounge.

I'm a part-owner there.

That's you. In the painting.

You're the fat baby.

Aw!

That's so cute.

Oh. You're into that?

No.

Damn it, Jerry.

Imagine my horror.

I'm hanging upside down with
my gravity boots watching Perd.

I see you with your painting,
and I am startled and disappointed.

Well, I did not know that
Brandi was going to offer me

a role in her next film.

I urge you not
to take that role.

I am not going
to take the role.

That's good to hear,

because recently,
you've been a little unpredictable.

I'm sorry that I'm trying to
defend a beautiful work of art.

Thank you, Leslie.

Stand down, Jerry.
This isn't your fight.

You've left me no choice.

I have convened a meeting
of the Public Arts Commission,

and we will abide
by their decision.

Fine with me.

Public Arts Commission.
Filled with hippies

who love art and
sometimes weed.

Jackpot.