All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S03E09 - Andy and Aprils Fancy Party (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

So, while they re-paint the
lines in the parking lot,

we're asking everyone
to do street parking.

I'm not street
parking my Mercedes.

Well, everyone is.
I'm doing it.

'Cause nobody wants
to steal a Saturn.

All right,
moving on to recycling.

You okay, Ron?
Just a little tooth pain.

I'm fine. Continue.

Okay, each department
will be getting blue bins...

Do you need to go
to the dentist, Ron?

I don't like dentists.

Just a second.

Hey.

No, no. No!

No, no, no, no!

Oh!

What the?

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry, everybody.
What were we talking about?

Recycling?

Dentist pulled
the tooth out yesterday.

But it's always a good idea to
demonstrate to your co-workers

that you are capable of withstanding
a tremendous amount of pain.

Plus, it's always
fun to see Tom faint.

Attention, everybody!

Everybody, listen up.

You are all officially invited
to a dinner party,

7:00 p.m. tonight at our home,

which is officially
my friend Burly's home,

because I don't have a home.

That's it.
There's no more left.

Give it to him.

We've been dating
for almost a month,

so we just decided that we
wanted to do something special.

And dinner parties do combine
two of our favorite things,

dinner and parties.

Parties.
Yeah.

It's like if you
could have a Xbox pancake.

Your invitations
include requests

for each of you
to bring stuff,

'cause we don't
have a whole lot.

Don't be late.

Watch out.

"Dearest Tom,
please bring silverware."

"Please bring cooked steak."

This is ridiculous.

They're young.
They're in love.

They're ready to
show it to the world.

It's very sweet.

And we're all going.
- What?

There's a boy's sale
at Dillard's today.

Hey.
Oh, hey.

You going tonight?

Yeah. Apparently they want me
to bring Avatar,

and 50 pairs of 3-D glasses,
and a 3-D-capable television.

Mmm.
Yeah.

Well, I will see you there,
with all of those things.

I was actually
coming to see you.

I wanted your
advice on something.

Oh, yeah?

My boss in Indianapolis,

he wants me back on
the road in a week.

But then this morning,
Chris offered me a job

to stay here in
Pawnee and work for him.

Do you wanna do that?

Well, I don't know.

I've been moving around so
much the past few years.

It might be nice to stay
in one place for a while.

What do you think?

Well, this is a great city.

You know, it's definitely
the best city in Indiana,

probably America,
possibly the world.

Sure.
But on the other hand,

you've put in 12 years
with the state government.

So you think I
should say no to Chris

and head back to
Indianapolis or...

It's a tough call.
You know what I would do?

You should make
a pros and cons list.

That always works for me.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, maybe I'll do that.

Excellent.

Nice talking to you.

Good stuff. Okay.
Yeah.

So how does this work?

All right, you just
fill out your name tag,

and you're all set.

Okay.

But I mean, do I just go up
and talk to anyone,

or do I wait for them
to talk to me, or...

Are you asking me
how to flirt with men?

Okay. All right.

It's a whole new Ann Perkins.

I'm putting myself out there,
meeting some new people,

having some casual fun,

and it is awkward.

Gayle went out and got
me this new party shirt.

So be honest,
what do you guys think?

You know what, Jerry?

I make fun of you a lot,
but credit where credit is due.

You know, I like how the...

Damn it. I was so close.

It's a terrible shirt.

Hey, guys.
Okay, everybody listen up.

April's friend Orin is here.

He's very intense
and very weird.

So if you end up
talking to him,

just make sure
you don't reveal

anything personal
about yourself.

- Hey, gang.
- Hey.

What'd you bring?

I was in charge of the cake.

To be fair, it's not a cake so
much as it is a vegetable loaf.

You got your mushrooms,
your alfalfa sprouts, your spinach,

and I had it sweetened
with fruit reduction.

But did they ask you to bring
a vegetable loaf or a cake?

No, a cake, but this
is so much healthier.

So not only does
this thing exist,

but now you have
deprived everyone of cake.

Take a walk, Ron.
Yep.

Donna. Oh, my God.

I am so excited
to see you here.

These things are horrible
when you're by yourself.

What?

Do you know where
you are right now?

We're in the jungle.
There are no friends here.

It's every woman for herself.

You're joking, right?

Do I look like I'm joking?

Dating is a zero-sum game.

If you get a man,
I don't get that man.

I'm here because of
advice that you gave me

to be more
adventurous in my life.

Here's some more advice.
Beat it.

Hey.

Ben, heard you
might be leaving Pawnee.

I don't know.
I'm thinking about it.

Well, you are a huge nerd.

But I'd be sorry
to see you go, man.

Thanks, Tom.

Okay, this party needs a little help.
I'll be right back.

So are you going on, like,
a year-Iong walking tour

of the set of The Lord of
the Rings in New Zealand?

To be honest with you,
I wasn't a fan

of Peter Jackson's
interpretation.

So you can put that one away.

Andy, I think you maybe
should put some more food out.

Totally agree.
Just firing up the Bagel Bites now.

Hey.
Oh, my God.

What do you think?

April, you're not
supposed to let me see you.

No, come on.
You have to look.

This is important.
You have to tell me if I look good.

Hey, guys, what's going on?

Uh... It's supposed to
be a big surprise.

But tonight,
me and April are getting married.

To each other.

Is April pregnant?
Are you pregnant?

Yes.

Yes?
No.

Are you sick?
Are you terminal?

Is it like that
movie A Walk to Remember?

Yes.
What?

No. God.
Oh, God.

Why are you doing this?

Why is this great
thing happening?

Well, I mean,
it's actually a really funny story.

We were hanging out.

And suddenly, I was like,

"What if we got
married tomorrow?"

And she was like...

"Fine."

She's like, "Fine."

That is a great story.

But you guys haven't
been together very long,

and you have no place to live.

We've been
together long enough,

and we'll find
a place to live.

Yeah.

Like, a house or,
like, a condo or something.

Probably a condo.

You can't just get a condo.

No, you're right. House.

I love Andy
and April as a couple.

I want them to
stay together forever.

But relationships
need planning.

You just can't jump into
something without thinking.

It took me four years
to find the right hairdresser,

and we still
fight all the time!

Andy and April are
gonna surprise people

with a secret ceremony.

Whoa. Secret wedding.

Julia Roberts
pulled the same move.

Is that that toothy
girl from Mystic Pizza?

Ron, please, I need you to help
me knock some sense into them.

It's not really my place.
Or yours.

Hi. I'm Ann.

Brian.

What's your occupation?

I'm a manager at
a sporting-goods store.

No way. Me, too.

Seriously? Which one?

No, I'm not.
I was just ribbing you.

What are you drinking?

Yeah.

What?

Oh, I don't know.

I couldn't hear you.

So you just
laughed and said, "Yeah"?

Yeah.
Excuse us.

That was the worst thing
I've ever seen in my life.

Did you grow up in the woods?

Are you Nell
from the movie Nell?

I told you I'm rusty.

All right, come with me.

Hey, Andy.
Yeah.

I know what's going down,
and I'm so happy for you guys.

Thank you, Tom.

Hey, something
just occurred to me.

Can I be your best man?

Yeah, dude, totally.

Thank you.
My best man.

Best man!

One of my life goals
is to be a best man.

It's a baller position.

You get drunk.
You make speeches.

And you make love
to the prettiest bridesmaid,

usually standing, from behind.

Look, I know that I cannot
tell you what to do.

I know it doesn't work,

from all the times I've tried
to tell you what to do before.

But you know
what would be fun?

Maybe we should make
a pros and cons list.

Let me take you home,
and then we'll go do that together.

It'll be a blast.

Leslie, relax.

You relax.

You relax all the way
home and get into bed.

You need to go to bed.

April.

Girl talk.

Hey, what's your middle name?

The justice of
the peace lady needs to know.

You don't know each
other's middle names?

I don't wanna say it out loud.

- Ew.
- Shut up.

Roberta!

Such a loser.

Can't believe
I'm marrying him.

You don't have to.

I'm going to.
And then I'm gonna divorce him.

Then I'm gonna
marry him again.

One time, I fell madly in love
with a Civil War reenactor

that I had only
known for six hours.

And then I found out
he wore those clothes

all the time.

And he was married.

But the clothes
thing really bothered me.

You always wanna
scribble the name.

Make 'em read.
Draw them in.

Make 'em work for it.

Right.

Two shots of Jameson.

Don't make too
much eye contact.

You wanna seem available,
but not too available.

Oh, thanks.
I think I'm good for now.

I'm not gonna...

Yeah.

All right.
Let's do this.

Ron, you are so amazing
with me and April, stuff.

I love you, man.

Would you be one
of my best men?

I'd be honored to, son.

Chris,
you helped me get April back.

Would you be my best man?

Nothing else in my entire life

would make me
happier as long as I live.

Jerry.

I'm so glad you made it.
This shirt is hilarious.

Derek and Ben,
will you be my best men?

Got a little competition
for the best man, huh?

Well, you know what
the best best man does.

Excuse me!

Are there any strippers here?

Former strippers?

Non-dancers but you're
feeling a little bit drunk?

What are you doing?

I'm throwing Andy
an impromptu bachelor party.

It's my duty as best man.

The wedding's in four minutes.

It's that kind of
negative thinking

that makes you
a less good best man.

Hello?

Hi, Ann, it's Leslie,

Leslie Knope from
the Parks Department.

Yeah, I know.
Where are you?

April and Andy are
getting married tonight.

What?
Yeah, I know.

I need you to
get down here, Ann.

I need you to kiss him again
or kiss her or kiss somebody.

I don't know, Ann!
Help me, please!

Relationships are
like scuba diving.

If you come up too fast,
you get the bends.

And the reason why I know this

is because I was
dating a guy once,

and we were scuba diving,

and I told him that I
loved him underwater,

and he shot up really fast,
and he got the bends.

No, Orin, I don't know
how I'm going to die.

Wait. Are you
asking me or telling me?

Hey, can I talk to
you for a second?

Yes, please.

April and Andy are
about to get married.

Wow. My Brita filter's older
than their relationship.

Wait a second.
Should I change my Brita filter?

I don't know.
It depends on how frequently you use it.

True.
Stay focused, okay? Please.

The point is two boneheads,
whom I love dearly,

are about to
sacrifice their future

'cause they haven't thought
this thing through.

And nobody seems
concerned about this.

Attention, everybody.

Mesdames and... Missoirs.

If you would do me the
obligation of having your honor,

heretofore, in the room doth
right over there, hence.

What?

Big event in that room,
15 minutes.

Oh, my God.
This is really happening.

I love April and Andy.
I want them to stay together.

And that is why I have
to stop their wedding.

Hi, guys,
remember how I told you

there was going to
be a surprise later?

Well, the surprise is you are
not actually at a dinner party.

You're at our wedding.

All right.
Let's do this.

Ladies and
gentlemen, we are gathered here today

to marry Andrew Maxwell Dwyer
and April Roberta Ludgate.

I guess I kind of
hate most things.

But I never really
seem to hate you.

So, I wanna spend
the rest of my life with you.

Is that cool?

Yes.

Is it my turn?
Yes.

"April, you're
the most awesome person

"I have ever known
in my entire life.

"I vow to protect
you from danger.

"I don't care if
I have to fight

"an ultimate fighter,
or a bear, or him,

"your mom...
I would take 'em down."

Andy.

I'm getting mad right now
even thinking about it.

I'm telling you.
It's okay.

I wanna spend the rest of my life,
every minute, with you.

And I'm the luckiest
man in the galaxy.

And now the rings.

By the power vested in me
by the State of Indiana,

I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

Go fly away.

Fly!

Fly!
Wings of love.

Okay. All right.

So that one is dead.
We know that.

You wouldn't have been able to stop it,
you know.

I could've yelled something
or tackled someone.

But you didn't,
because deep down,

you knew it
wouldn't have mattered.

Those kids are gonna do
what they wanna do.

They may have just
ruined their lives

on an impulse decision.

Leslie, I got married twice.

Both times, I was
a lot older than those two.

And both marriages
ended in divorce...

And a burning effigy.

Who's to say what works?

You find somebody you like,
and you roll the dice.

That's all anybody can do.

Wait. Weren't you
married three times?

Oh, my God, you're right.

I get to burn another effigy.

The key to burning
an ex-wife effigy

is to dip it in paraffin wax

and then toss the flaming
bottle of isopropyl alcohol

from a safe distance.

Do not stand too close

when you light
an ex-wife effigy.

My sister is lame,
but Andy's sort of cool.

I guess I kind of
see why he'd marry her.

Also, if anyone finds my gray hoodie,
I lost it.

Thanks.

That was beautiful.

You two remind me
of me and my husband, George.

I gotta nail the speech.

So I brought in an expert.
Jean-Ralphio.

Can I throw something on you,
see if it feels good?

Sure.
Okay, this is what I would do.

I would start with a joke.

Joke, Vince Vaughn quote,
obviously.

Swingers or Crashers?

Fred Claus.

Talk about
Andy's ex-girlfriends.

Quote from Love Actually.
Hold back your tears. Pause.

Drop the microphone. Get out of
that bitch.

I wish you the best of luck,
to both of you.

Thank you, Grandma.

How could anyone
ever possibly top that?

Am I right?

So, thank you all
for all the talking.

Let's just get
back to dancing, huh?

Cool. See you around, maybe.

That went better, right?

Yes, it did.

However, he proudly told me
that he "beat herpes."

I'm sorry, Donna.
I'm gonna go home.

I just found out
Andy's getting married.

So?

So that's my ex-boyfriend.

We were together for
a really long time.

All right.

What?

What? Listen,
you are a hot, young doctor.

I'm a nurse, actually.

Okay, I don't know you.

But I do know that you
can fix your attitude.

Do you wanna go home
and feel sorry for yourself

about a man you
didn't wanna marry?

Or do you wanna go
talk to that cute boy,

who has been looking at you,
and give him your number

before I throw him
in my Benz for myself?

All right.

I just wanna thank
my family, my friends,

most importantly, my best best man,
Mr. Tom Haverford.

Oh! Coolest guy I know.

And, ladies,
he's single, I think.

You're not still married,
are you?

No.

But you... You're straight?

Yes.
Jean-Ralphio's just a friend?

Yeah.
Yeah!

Anyways,
oh, my God, I'm married!

This is crazy.
What happened?

But, seriously,
life is short, right?

Uh, just... I really think you should
just do whatever makes you happy.

That's what April and I did.

We are in love.

So we didn't overthink it.

I mean, seriously,
I cannot emphasize

how little we
thought about this.

Am I right?

All right, well, this is
a song I wrote for you,

April Roberta Ludgate.

I love you.

I love you.

Yeah, yeah

Oh, Grandma

April, there's so little time

The things I really want to do

Let's fly to the sky

It's so awesome

Exactly. Mortality.

See, I like to take
each day at a time.

There's nothing in the world
we can't accomplish if we try.

I have to go.

It's been great
talking to you.

Hey.
Don't worry.

I'm not gonna say another word.
This is your day.

I just wanted to say that...

I'm really glad you're here.

I think you're awesome,
and I love you.

What's the deal with
that hot girl, April?

What's the deal with her?
Yeah.

Like, is she good to go?
Like, is she down to clown?

She's married.

She got married,
like, 20 minutes ago.

Oh, my God.
That's the same girl from the thing.

From the wedding ceremony,
yeah.

All the good ones
are taken, huh, bro?

Yeah.

Hey.

You should stay.

Don't go back to Indianapolis.
You should stay here.

You think?

Yeah. Yes.

It's a great
city here, you know?

And there are great people.

And you've made
a lot of friends.

And what are you gonna do?

You gonna go back to your old
job and hack up people's budgets?

Stay here.
Help us build something.

I already accepted the job.

I'm staying here.

That's good.

Yeah, I think so.

Orin's behind me, isn't he?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

Okay.
Okay.

So just keep your eyes on me.
Okay.

Don't panic,
'cause he can smell fear.

What do I...
Just keep talking to me.

Hi.
Hi.

How are you?
Good. How are you?

How was the wedding?
Run!

"Hey, Ann, it was great
talking to you last night.

"Hope we can get
together soon."

Okay, now you write,
"Who is this?"

Hey, you guys,
we got a video from April and Andy.

Oh. Okay.

How you guys doing?

Hey, we're on our honeymoon.
It is awesome.

We're at Burly's family
vacation house on Lake Michigan.

We're having so much fun.

Except for Roberta, here,
turns out, sucks at water skiing.

Oh, my God.
So bad. I'm gonna divorce you.

Andy sucks at driving a boat.

And I'm gonna divorce him,
probably right now.

Well, they're still together.
You owe me 20 bucks.