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1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:03,058
Hi, there.
2
00:00:03,656 --> 00:00:04,680
What's going on here?
3
00:00:04,826 --> 00:00:06,170
- Puppy!
- A puppy is here!
4
00:00:06,194 --> 00:00:07,855
Can we keep him?
My neighbor's dog had a litter.
5
00:00:07,891 --> 00:00:09,072
They're looking
for people to adopt.
6
00:00:09,121 --> 00:00:10,178
I love him.
7
00:00:10,231 --> 00:00:12,495
I wish he had tiny puppy shoes.
8
00:00:12,566 --> 00:00:14,810
I would totally shine
his little shoes for free.
9
00:00:15,509 --> 00:00:17,272
I do say the cutest stuff.
10
00:00:17,470 --> 00:00:19,563
Look, I love a good dog
as much as the next guy,
11
00:00:19,639 --> 00:00:21,629
but this building
doesn't allow animals.
12
00:00:21,707 --> 00:00:23,334
Andy, take him outside.
13
00:00:23,409 --> 00:00:24,501
What, and shoot him?
14
00:00:24,576 --> 00:00:27,100
No. Just keep
him outside.
15
00:00:27,178 --> 00:00:30,340
Oh, come on, Ron.
I'm just a little puppy.
16
00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:33,873
I ain't done nothing wrong.
I'm just a puppy.
17
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:38,777
I like your mustache.
I wish I could have one. But I can't.
18
00:00:39,455 --> 00:00:41,319
Because I'm just
a little puppy.
19
00:00:44,248 --> 00:00:46,092
Okay, take him out
and shoot him.
20
00:01:06,509 --> 00:01:07,737
Fire! Fire! Fire!
21
00:01:07,811 --> 00:01:09,301
What? Where?
22
00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:11,312
In my belly.
Because the 24-hour
23
00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:13,439
Pawnee Cares Diabetes Telethon
24
00:01:13,515 --> 00:01:15,414
starts tonight.
- Goody.
25
00:01:15,683 --> 00:01:16,945
Let us know how it went.
26
00:01:17,018 --> 00:01:21,078
Every year, Pawnee Cares teams up
with the local cable access station
27
00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:23,179
to raise money for
diabetes research.
28
00:01:23,256 --> 00:01:27,692
And it's important, because Pawnee is
the fourth-fattest town in the U.S.
29
00:01:28,227 --> 00:01:33,493
It goes us, Dallas, Tulsa and certain
parts of The Mall of America.
30
00:01:33,665 --> 00:01:37,225
Well, this year, I get to
program my own four-hour block.
31
00:01:37,468 --> 00:01:39,527
I know. Exciting!
32
00:01:39,703 --> 00:01:42,170
So, I have signed you
all up for multiple shifts.
33
00:01:42,238 --> 00:01:45,036
Yes, just to answer phones
and provide moral support.
34
00:01:45,108 --> 00:01:46,165
From when to when?
35
00:01:46,241 --> 00:01:47,265
Tonight.
36
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,036
From 2:00 a.m.
to 6:00 a.m.
37
00:01:49,111 --> 00:01:50,100
What?
38
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,269
No. Leslie, please.
39
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:54,142
Tonight's kind of a big night.
40
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:57,183
You know, all my
kids are away, and...
41
00:01:57,243 --> 00:02:01,231
Gross! No! It's Jerry's sex night.
That ruins sex and tonight.
42
00:02:01,256 --> 00:02:02,810
Look, why don't you put on
one of these t-shirts?
43
00:02:02,834 --> 00:02:04,060
It'll get you in the mood.
44
00:02:04,085 --> 00:02:06,085
I stayed up all night last night
making these.
45
00:02:06,124 --> 00:02:09,025
You stayed up all night the night
before an all-night telethon.
46
00:02:09,093 --> 00:02:11,367
Yes. And here's why. Boom.
47
00:02:11,461 --> 00:02:13,656
"Diabetes.
Let's Dia-beat-this."
48
00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:16,254
Yeah. Four hours to come
up with the slogan.
49
00:02:16,332 --> 00:02:19,301
Four hours to embroider them.
Time well spent.
50
00:02:20,169 --> 00:02:22,295
Salad sucks.
There. I said it.
51
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:23,769
- Feel better?
- Yep.
52
00:02:23,838 --> 00:02:25,396
I've been doing some thinking.
53
00:02:25,473 --> 00:02:27,531
I'm not going to ask
Ann to move in with me.
54
00:02:27,577 --> 00:02:30,315
- Why? Is something wrong?
- No. I'm going to ask her to marry me.
55
00:02:30,610 --> 00:02:33,741
- I love her. And I want a partner.
- Horseback.
56
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,576
- You should ask her on horseback.
- What?
57
00:02:35,648 --> 00:02:37,547
No, you should ask her
in a hot air balloon.
58
00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,345
No. She should be on
the hot air balloon,
59
00:02:39,386 --> 00:02:40,710
and you should
ride up on horseback.
60
00:02:40,752 --> 00:02:43,345
Oh. Wait. She's in the balloon,
you ride up on horseback,
61
00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:45,887
you point to the sky, up there,
skywriting, "Marry me, Ann."
62
00:02:45,955 --> 00:02:48,480
I think I can figure out
the right way to ask her.
63
00:02:48,558 --> 00:02:51,924
How you ask someone to marry
you is a very big deal.
64
00:02:51,994 --> 00:02:54,519
I mean, they have to repeat that
story for the rest of their lives.
65
00:02:54,577 --> 00:02:55,802
So, you think
I should do it, though.
66
00:02:55,831 --> 00:02:56,935
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
67
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,232
Definitely. Can you get five eagles?
No, get ten eagles.
68
00:02:59,254 --> 00:03:00,698
- Leslie.
- No, you're right. It's your life.
69
00:03:00,736 --> 00:03:02,192
Get as many eagles as you want.
70
00:03:02,369 --> 00:03:04,530
So, Tom, you're in
for tonight, right?
71
00:03:04,604 --> 00:03:06,798
I forgot to tell you.
I can't make it to the telethon tonight,
72
00:03:06,872 --> 00:03:09,306
because I have no
interest in being there.
73
00:03:09,375 --> 00:03:12,810
Okay. You're in charge of the
VIP special telethon guest.
74
00:03:12,877 --> 00:03:14,071
You're never going
to believe who I got.
75
00:03:14,145 --> 00:03:15,271
People are going to freak out.
76
00:03:15,346 --> 00:03:16,710
- Rihanna.
- No.
77
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,179
- Dr. Oz.
- Nope.
78
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:20,944
- You're never going to guess.
- Justin Bieber.
79
00:03:21,018 --> 00:03:26,243
No. Ex-lndiana Pacers small
forward, Detlef Schrempf.
80
00:03:26,488 --> 00:03:29,119
The Detlef Schrempf?
81
00:03:29,155 --> 00:03:31,520
I know!
So, it's really exciting.
82
00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,322
Wow. And I need you
to be his body-man.
83
00:03:33,394 --> 00:03:35,191
Pick him up at the
airport at 7:00 p.m.
84
00:03:35,262 --> 00:03:37,024
And then, you know,
just entertain him.
85
00:03:37,096 --> 00:03:39,087
Because he doesn't need to be in
hair and makeup until 2:00 a.m.
86
00:03:39,165 --> 00:03:41,291
Does Pawnee Cable Access
even have hair and makeup?
87
00:03:41,366 --> 00:03:44,824
Well, they have a communal
lipstick and a box of combs.
88
00:03:45,704 --> 00:03:48,672
As a nurse and as your friend, I highly
suggest you don't try to stay up
89
00:03:48,739 --> 00:03:49,831
for the next 24 hours.
90
00:03:49,907 --> 00:03:51,067
I can definitely do it.
91
00:03:51,142 --> 00:03:55,237
I've already been up for 24 hours.
But I have a secret weapon.
92
00:03:57,580 --> 00:03:59,248
- NutriYum bars?
- Leslie.
93
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,873
I know, I know.
They're terrible.
94
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:03,509
But they give me
an insane 15-minute burst.
95
00:04:03,585 --> 00:04:04,779
Plus, my nana used to tell me,
96
00:04:04,852 --> 00:04:06,012
"You'll sleep
when you're dead."
97
00:04:06,087 --> 00:04:08,111
My nana, she used
to say the best stuff.
98
00:04:08,188 --> 00:04:09,985
"Don't work yourself
into a lather."
99
00:04:10,057 --> 00:04:11,614
"Look where it is
and you'll find it."
100
00:04:11,691 --> 00:04:14,455
"Don't put me in a home."
"Tell the truth and shame the devil."
101
00:04:14,527 --> 00:04:16,154
"The devil knows
where you're hiding."
102
00:04:16,229 --> 00:04:19,959
"If you take enough rides with the devil,
pretty soon, he's going to drive."
103
00:04:20,031 --> 00:04:21,396
She was really into the devil.
104
00:04:21,799 --> 00:04:23,426
I have not checked in
with you lately.
105
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,058
I'm randomly
and casually asking.
106
00:04:25,135 --> 00:04:26,602
How are things going with Mark?
107
00:04:26,669 --> 00:04:28,068
Things are good.
108
00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:29,399
Do you think he's the one?
109
00:04:29,472 --> 00:04:32,065
The one?
I don't know. Maybe.
110
00:04:32,174 --> 00:04:33,266
Good.
111
00:04:33,375 --> 00:04:35,502
I'm here.
What do I have to do?
112
00:04:35,944 --> 00:04:40,710
I have you on phone-answering
duty from 4:00 to 6:00 a.m.
113
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,214
That's horrible.
I have to nap up.
114
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,519
If I don't get a solid five,
it kills my sunny disposition.
115
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,150
Got enough leg room back there?
116
00:04:49,221 --> 00:04:51,280
Yeah. Yeah, you don't
have to sit so far up.
117
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:55,520
Yeah, I do.
So, Detlef Schrempf.
118
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,990
Three-time NBA All-Star,
two-time Sixth Man Award winner.
119
00:04:59,062 --> 00:05:01,530
It must have been pretty cool to be
traded to the Pacers in exchange
120
00:05:01,598 --> 00:05:04,088
for veteran center
Herb Williams.
121
00:05:04,166 --> 00:05:06,191
So, you looked me up
on Wikipedia, huh?
122
00:05:06,269 --> 00:05:08,600
No. Everybody
knows that.
123
00:05:09,704 --> 00:05:11,535
Just like everybody
knows you appeared
124
00:05:11,606 --> 00:05:14,165
in two episodes of
the German soap opera
125
00:05:14,241 --> 00:05:16,266
Gute Zeiten Schlechte Zeiten.
126
00:05:16,343 --> 00:05:17,707
What, you a big fan
of that show?
127
00:05:17,777 --> 00:05:18,766
Huge fan.
128
00:05:19,045 --> 00:05:20,979
Huh? Oh, 6'10".
129
00:05:21,047 --> 00:05:23,776
I'm 5'6" and three quarters.
130
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:27,217
All right, team,
you guys psyched?
131
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,479
Just remember,
all you need to do is
132
00:05:28,552 --> 00:05:29,951
take down everybody's
name and address
133
00:05:30,021 --> 00:05:31,648
and ask them how much
they want to donate.
134
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,188
Hey, do these phones dial out?
135
00:05:33,256 --> 00:05:34,587
Yes. Why?
136
00:05:34,658 --> 00:05:36,717
No reason.
Leslie, you know what?
137
00:05:36,793 --> 00:05:39,226
My phone has 25 lines.
I think it might be a switchboard.
138
00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:41,388
Congratulations, then.
You got the most lines.
139
00:05:41,463 --> 00:05:42,622
Figure it out, Jerry.
140
00:05:42,697 --> 00:05:43,925
Come on, Jerry.
141
00:05:43,998 --> 00:05:46,125
Everyone else has one line.
142
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:50,431
Oh! So, Leslie, I hear you're going to
be in front of the camera this year.
143
00:05:50,504 --> 00:05:52,403
Yeah. It's exciting.
Cut the chatter.
144
00:05:52,471 --> 00:05:53,665
Tele-hosting?
145
00:05:53,739 --> 00:05:56,606
Not as easy as it looks.
Okay? This isn't C-SPAN.
146
00:05:56,976 --> 00:05:59,170
This is Local Access 46.
147
00:05:59,244 --> 00:06:01,212
Don't blow it.
148
00:06:01,746 --> 00:06:04,509
Good evening and welcome
to the tenth annual
149
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:07,049
Pawnee Cares Diabetes Telethon.
150
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,710
I'm Pawnee Today's
Joan Callamezzo.
151
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,652
And I am not a crook.
152
00:06:12,721 --> 00:06:14,211
No, he's not.
153
00:06:14,456 --> 00:06:16,583
What time is it?
I'm tired already.
154
00:06:16,658 --> 00:06:20,593
It's 8:03. Your shift doesn't
start for another six hours.
155
00:06:21,862 --> 00:06:24,329
Diabetes. Yuck.
156
00:06:24,397 --> 00:06:28,560
Tonight, we're hoping the people of
Pawnee dig their big, chubby hands
157
00:06:28,634 --> 00:06:31,865
into their plus-size pockets
and donate generously.
158
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:34,267
Weird, wacky stuff.
159
00:06:34,339 --> 00:06:35,966
Stop it.
160
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,702
Coming up, a very special
video presentation called
161
00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:42,835
Even My Tongue is Fat:
The Story of Pawnee.
162
00:06:42,912 --> 00:06:47,406
But right now, to begin with, let's start
things off in our telethon with a song.
163
00:06:47,483 --> 00:06:52,317
From Pawnee's most bookable
personality, Denise Yermley!
164
00:06:56,423 --> 00:06:59,619
Sweet dreams are made of this
165
00:07:00,059 --> 00:07:03,755
No one cares. Hello, hello.
Here you go. Right up there.
166
00:07:03,962 --> 00:07:06,590
Hello? Hey, there.
Good morning.
167
00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:08,153
Who's next?
168
00:07:08,232 --> 00:07:11,463
I feel great.
Everything is running smoothly.
169
00:07:11,569 --> 00:07:14,935
Some of them want to use you
170
00:07:16,272 --> 00:07:18,899
Clipboard mouth.
Clipboard mouth.
171
00:07:18,974 --> 00:07:22,842
There's some secret ingredient in these
NutriYum bars that makes me feel so good.
172
00:07:22,911 --> 00:07:25,378
Sugar.
It's a block of sugar.
173
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:30,938
Leslie? Leslie.
174
00:07:30,988 --> 00:07:31,977
Tigers.
175
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,544
- Hey, you told me to wake
you up at 1:45. - Yep.
176
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,178
- It's 1:45 now.
- I'm up.
177
00:07:36,286 --> 00:07:38,505
I need to pull it together.
My slot is coming up.
178
00:07:38,566 --> 00:07:41,253
Hey, before you go on, can I just
talk to you about something?
179
00:07:41,345 --> 00:07:43,238
Wait a minute. Sorry.
180
00:07:44,017 --> 00:07:46,144
It's Tom. He may have
a Schrempf problem.
181
00:07:46,188 --> 00:07:47,319
- Okay.
- You understand that, right?
182
00:07:47,353 --> 00:07:49,234
- I do. Take it.
- T.B. continued, Ann.
183
00:07:49,254 --> 00:07:50,482
- I promise.
- We'll talk later.
184
00:07:50,505 --> 00:07:51,268
- Yes.
- Okay.
185
00:07:51,281 --> 00:07:53,511
Hey! Hi.
Are you on your way?
186
00:07:53,591 --> 00:07:56,685
The Snakehole is booming!
187
00:07:56,761 --> 00:07:59,126
People are loving
Detlef Schrempf.
188
00:07:59,195 --> 00:08:02,187
I had no idea professional
athletes were so popular.
189
00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:04,393
That's awesome.
But you promised to get him here.
190
00:08:04,444 --> 00:08:05,844
- Get him here.
- Don't worry.
191
00:08:05,868 --> 00:08:08,029
We're leaving soon,
all right? Bye!
192
00:08:08,078 --> 00:08:11,843
Oh, you can't leave. Tommy, this is the
most business the club's done in months.
193
00:08:11,877 --> 00:08:13,473
But I've got to get
him to the telethon.
194
00:08:13,508 --> 00:08:15,600
He's not going anywhere.
195
00:08:17,377 --> 00:08:20,106
Okay.
Oh, God. Problem.
196
00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:22,100
Andy, I know I told you
that you were going
197
00:08:22,148 --> 00:08:24,172
on at 3:00 a.m.
after the Detlef Schrempf
198
00:08:24,211 --> 00:08:26,672
interview and career retrospective,
but you're going on now.
199
00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:28,117
- You're kicking things off.
- Whoa!
200
00:08:28,186 --> 00:08:29,550
Sweet. Headlining.
201
00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:32,384
Yeah. At 2:00 a.m.
On Cable Access.
202
00:08:32,456 --> 00:08:34,707
Yeah. Let's go.
203
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,693
So, how are things
going with you two?
204
00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:41,160
They're going really well.
205
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:44,925
We're going to get married and
I'm pregnant with his child.
206
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:46,866
Thank you, Joan.
207
00:08:46,934 --> 00:08:50,767
There are two types of diabetes,
but only one type of caring.
208
00:08:51,304 --> 00:08:53,465
Type One caring.
209
00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:57,441
And tonight, God willing, we
will all be stricken with that.
210
00:08:57,509 --> 00:08:58,941
There's a lot of
fun stuff coming up.
211
00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:02,070
Indiana Pacers legend,
Detlef Schrempf,
212
00:09:02,146 --> 00:09:04,306
will be joining us
in the studio later on.
213
00:09:04,748 --> 00:09:06,841
But until then,
I would like to introduce
214
00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:09,714
one of the hottest
bands in Pawnee.
215
00:09:10,052 --> 00:09:12,919
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Mouse Rat.
216
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:17,482
I know that life is crazy
217
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,459
Well, okay. Slight hiccup.
But we're back on track.
218
00:09:21,195 --> 00:09:22,457
See that board?
219
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:27,090
When my shift is done, that
board is going to read $20,000.
220
00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:31,596
Pawnee Cares.
221
00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:34,138
Hi. Yes, I'd like to
donate $50, please.
222
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,074
Mmm-hmm. Leslie?
223
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:44,444
You've got sex hair You
got it from me, girl. Sex hair
224
00:09:44,557 --> 00:09:47,685
God, we're not getting
any donations coming in.
225
00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:49,229
I'm tired of waiting
for people to call us.
226
00:09:49,261 --> 00:09:50,729
Let's call them.
Everybody call somebody.
227
00:09:50,763 --> 00:09:51,938
Leslie, it's the
middle of the night.
228
00:09:51,964 --> 00:09:53,329
Well then, good.
They'll be home.
229
00:09:53,398 --> 00:09:54,660
Donna, someone good?
230
00:09:54,732 --> 00:09:56,495
No, I'm talking to
my brother, George.
231
00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:58,466
You're not supposed to receive
personal phone calls.
232
00:09:58,535 --> 00:10:01,299
Oh, I called him.
He's in Liberia visiting my uncle.
233
00:10:01,371 --> 00:10:03,305
He wants to know
what happened on Lost.
234
00:10:03,529 --> 00:10:04,552
Oh, thank God.
235
00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:06,415
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
236
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:07,669
I have no idea.
237
00:10:07,743 --> 00:10:09,437
Did you put cream in this?
238
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:11,304
Uh, yeah.
Did I screw up?
239
00:10:11,379 --> 00:10:12,403
No, I can drink it.
240
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,372
You sure?
Guys, has anyone seen Tom?
241
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,066
The ultimate celebrity,
I think,
242
00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:18,816
to hang out with
for a night would be
243
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:21,502
Criss Angel.
You'd be talking to him,
244
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:23,118
and then, he would
just turn into fire.
245
00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:29,526
Brooks Brothers Boys is like, the
cuts are slimmer and it's cheaper.
246
00:10:29,627 --> 00:10:30,616
Win-win.
247
00:10:30,928 --> 00:10:32,725
Do you ever talk to someone
and you're just like,
248
00:10:32,797 --> 00:10:36,789
"Oh. We're going to be best friends"?
I'm getting that, right now.
249
00:10:36,866 --> 00:10:39,595
He had two beers.
Light beers.
250
00:10:40,869 --> 00:10:42,564
I need you to make that out,
251
00:10:42,638 --> 00:10:45,834
"To Wendy.
Tom is an amazing guy.
252
00:10:45,907 --> 00:10:47,568
"You never should
have left him.
253
00:10:47,909 --> 00:10:49,637
"You made a huge
mistake in your life,
254
00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:52,873
"and you're probably going to die alone.
Love, Detlef."
255
00:10:53,113 --> 00:10:55,512
Do you know what, I think we should
be heading to that telethon.
256
00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:59,573
Yes, we will definitely go to the
telethon soon. After this song!
257
00:10:59,718 --> 00:11:04,086
Hopped up out the
bed Turn my swag on
258
00:11:04,154 --> 00:11:06,588
Took a look in the mirror,
said, "What's up?"
259
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:13,486
Ron? Ron. Wake up.
Ron, wake up. It's Leslie.
260
00:11:14,062 --> 00:11:16,587
Oh, God! Were you
having a bad dream?
261
00:11:17,132 --> 00:11:20,396
No. I suffer from a disorder
called sleep fighting.
262
00:11:20,468 --> 00:11:21,662
That must be terrible.
263
00:11:21,736 --> 00:11:23,203
Only when I'm losing.
264
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,100
Look, I'm freaking out, okay?
265
00:11:25,171 --> 00:11:27,969
Tom is not here, and he's
got Detlef Schrempf.
266
00:11:28,041 --> 00:11:30,065
And I have three hours to fill.
267
00:11:30,142 --> 00:11:31,666
I'm sure you'll
figure something out.
268
00:11:31,744 --> 00:11:34,576
Don't go back to sleep. Okay?
I need you to wake up. Ron? Come on.
269
00:11:34,645 --> 00:11:35,634
Help me.
Attaboy.
270
00:11:37,648 --> 00:11:41,105
I am only here because I owe
Leslie a thousand favors.
271
00:11:41,184 --> 00:11:43,365
I'm not big on charities.
272
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:46,990
Give a man a fish,
and you feed him for a day.
273
00:11:47,223 --> 00:11:50,385
Don't teach a man to fish,
and you feed yourself.
274
00:11:50,925 --> 00:11:53,860
He's a grown man.
Fishing is not that hard.
275
00:11:57,231 --> 00:12:00,165
Okay, that was the
national anthem of Canada.
276
00:12:00,733 --> 00:12:05,169
And now, I'm going to see how
long I can hold a D chord.
277
00:12:06,705 --> 00:12:08,502
April, will you call some
of the Rec Center teachers
278
00:12:08,573 --> 00:12:11,040
and see if they want to come down
and show off their special skills?
279
00:12:11,108 --> 00:12:12,473
Yes. Nod your head yes.
280
00:12:12,543 --> 00:12:13,840
I can do magic.
281
00:12:15,979 --> 00:12:16,968
Egg, my lady?
282
00:12:17,046 --> 00:12:18,638
Jerry, that's
disgusting and fake!
283
00:12:18,715 --> 00:12:20,978
Oh, my God. It's real.
Go up there and do that.
284
00:12:21,049 --> 00:12:22,107
You broke my egg.
285
00:12:22,184 --> 00:12:23,290
You don't have a second egg?
286
00:12:23,316 --> 00:12:26,011
No, but I'm a very good piano player.
I'd be happy to go up there
287
00:12:26,053 --> 00:12:27,671
and give it a shot.
- Why are you wasting my time?
288
00:12:27,694 --> 00:12:29,594
This is really serious!
289
00:12:30,056 --> 00:12:33,617
You go keep your eye out for Tom.
I've got this covered.
290
00:12:34,027 --> 00:12:36,153
When re-caning
an old chair,
291
00:12:36,362 --> 00:12:40,297
one needs to make sure that one has
all the right elements in place.
292
00:12:40,365 --> 00:12:42,802
Over. Under.
293
00:12:43,368 --> 00:12:46,330
And you guessed it.
Over.
294
00:12:46,537 --> 00:12:48,562
God, he's actually
losing money.
295
00:12:48,639 --> 00:12:52,789
Over. Under. This chair
is almost caning itself.
296
00:12:53,676 --> 00:12:57,980
No. Sir, if you want to make a
donation, you have to... yeah.
297
00:12:58,015 --> 00:13:00,380
That sounds really cool.
298
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:03,506
You sound cool.
You sound really strong.
299
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,703
Hey, why don't you
forget about the donation
300
00:13:05,727 --> 00:13:08,642
and just come down here
and meet me in person.
301
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:09,694
What?
302
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:14,559
Oh, my God.
You're so funny.
303
00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:16,388
You're funny. Bye.
304
00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:19,019
- Hey.
- Hey.
305
00:13:19,289 --> 00:13:20,778
Funny girl you were talking to?
306
00:13:20,814 --> 00:13:23,146
When it comes to
preparing taxes...
307
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,230
Oh, my God.
This is a disaster.
308
00:13:25,301 --> 00:13:30,068
The only thing that's taxing is
deciding which software to buy.
309
00:13:30,338 --> 00:13:31,896
I am completely screwed.
310
00:13:31,973 --> 00:13:35,669
I have no Schrempf, no backup
plan, no more NutriYum bars.
311
00:13:36,109 --> 00:13:39,545
What do people want to watch?
Cute animals on a bike?
312
00:13:39,613 --> 00:13:42,410
No time to train one.
Hot people kissing?
313
00:13:43,149 --> 00:13:45,616
I don't know.
Maybe Mark and Ann would...
314
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:51,247
Have you ever seen this man sleep?
It's like underwater ballet.
315
00:13:51,322 --> 00:13:52,311
I have a great idea.
316
00:13:52,389 --> 00:13:53,378
What's that?
317
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:56,289
I think you should
propose to Ann tonight.
318
00:13:56,459 --> 00:14:00,758
Today. Whatever it is.
On camera. For diabetes.
319
00:14:01,263 --> 00:14:04,198
- Really?
- Yes. It would be so cool.
320
00:14:04,867 --> 00:14:08,063
Don't you remember when Ahmad Rashad
proposed to Mrs. Cosby on TV?
321
00:14:08,135 --> 00:14:09,466
- No.
- I do.
322
00:14:09,537 --> 00:14:11,003
Most women do.
323
00:14:11,071 --> 00:14:12,470
On television, though?
324
00:14:13,673 --> 00:14:15,140
- Yes, but...
- Oh, my God!
325
00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:17,573
We talked about it being
something big. Right.
326
00:14:17,643 --> 00:14:20,441
And I don't think we can get a hot
air balloon at this time of night.
327
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:22,502
I have my grandma's ring.
328
00:14:23,648 --> 00:14:25,911
I guess I could
go home and get it.
329
00:14:25,983 --> 00:14:29,248
Is there a story behind it?
Was she on the Titanic?
330
00:14:29,319 --> 00:14:30,842
Was she on the Titanic?
331
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,820
No. She was
just my grandma.
332
00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:37,591
It would make a great story.
I trust Leslie. I don't know.
333
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:40,385
What do you think I should do?
334
00:14:41,562 --> 00:14:46,692
And that concludes a quick
look at QuickBooks Pro.
335
00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:49,125
Quick Books.
336
00:14:49,202 --> 00:14:53,035
Okay. Thank you so much,
Barney, for that.
337
00:14:53,105 --> 00:14:55,437
Thank you. Go.
338
00:14:56,407 --> 00:14:57,738
We'd like to make
a quick announcement.
339
00:14:57,808 --> 00:15:01,004
Detlef Schrempf is
temporarily delayed.
340
00:15:01,077 --> 00:15:04,877
But coming soon, a really amazing
thing is going to happen.
341
00:15:04,948 --> 00:15:08,405
So, get your wallets out
or get your handkerchiefs out.
342
00:15:09,084 --> 00:15:10,948
Or get your tissues out,
if you're like me
343
00:15:11,019 --> 00:15:12,850
and think handkerchiefs
are gross.
344
00:15:12,921 --> 00:15:16,913
For now, please, let's take a look
at this moving video entitled,
345
00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:20,892
One Butt, Two Seats:
The Widening of America.
346
00:15:22,428 --> 00:15:25,329
No. Ann. Wait. Ann, Ann!
347
00:15:25,398 --> 00:15:27,729
Where are you going?
Just stay a little while longer.
348
00:15:27,799 --> 00:15:29,130
Leslie, I'm so beat.
349
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,190
I'm so sorry that
I've been crazy.
350
00:15:31,268 --> 00:15:32,496
What did you want
to talk to me about?
351
00:15:32,687 --> 00:15:33,847
No worries. It can wait.
352
00:15:33,879 --> 00:15:35,608
No, no. What is it?
353
00:15:36,539 --> 00:15:39,133
I think I need to
break up with Mark.
354
00:15:42,726 --> 00:15:45,957
I've just been feeling for a
while like something's missing.
355
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:49,361
And I kept thinking about the
question you asked me today,
356
00:15:49,431 --> 00:15:52,456
about whether or not
he's the one. And he's not.
357
00:15:52,533 --> 00:15:56,628
Mark really loves you. I think he's
ready to take this to the next step.
358
00:15:56,703 --> 00:16:00,104
He doesn't know what he's ready for.
But I think I do.
359
00:16:00,173 --> 00:16:02,697
I guess you're just going to have
to marry him and figure it out.
360
00:16:02,775 --> 00:16:03,867
- No.
- No. No.
361
00:16:03,918 --> 00:16:05,599
- Why would you do that?
- No, no. No. No.
362
00:16:05,644 --> 00:16:07,304
Good for you, Ann.
363
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,438
Hey, Mark. It's Leslie. Change of plans.
Can you call me back?
364
00:16:12,549 --> 00:16:14,278
Tom, get here now.
Call me. Bye.
365
00:16:14,651 --> 00:16:18,086
Hey, Leslie. It's Leslie.
Hang in there. I love you. Bye.
366
00:16:20,289 --> 00:16:23,280
Please be April. April?
367
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,347
Yeah?
368
00:16:24,659 --> 00:16:28,492
It's Joe from the phone.
I made you laugh. You said come down.
369
00:16:28,996 --> 00:16:31,123
Listen, my van's
out back. Let's roll.
370
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:33,290
No. Please leave.
371
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,068
- Where are you going?
- Hey. What's up?
372
00:16:36,136 --> 00:16:37,193
Is this guy bothering you?
373
00:16:37,269 --> 00:16:38,998
No, I'm bothering you.
374
00:16:39,071 --> 00:16:40,231
For bothering her.
375
00:16:40,305 --> 00:16:42,033
Are you her
bodyguard? I mean,
376
00:16:42,106 --> 00:16:44,056
she's an adult.
I think she can decide
377
00:16:44,081 --> 00:16:45,946
on her own what train
she wants to ride.
378
00:16:46,010 --> 00:16:47,722
- It's time to go.
- Whatever, man.
379
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,246
I work for the
Sewage Department.
380
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:51,711
I'm up to my waist
in hot snizz.
381
00:16:51,781 --> 00:16:54,327
Take a walk.
Bye-bye.
382
00:16:58,386 --> 00:16:59,512
Okay.
383
00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:04,218
Heads. Oh, boy.
What is going to happen next?
384
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,757
Okay. My second
favorite episode?
385
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,453
Monica is making dinner,
386
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:12,019
and Joey is mad at Chandler because
Chandler made out with his girlfriend.
387
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:14,759
So, Joey says, "Get in the box."
I forgot to tell you.
388
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:18,825
There's a box. And it's Thanksgiving Day.
So, they get ready to eat.
389
00:17:18,903 --> 00:17:20,996
What is Ross and Rachel doing?
They're fighting.
390
00:17:21,071 --> 00:17:25,200
So, Ross, Rachel, Joey, Chandler,
Monica, and Phoebe are all together.
391
00:17:25,275 --> 00:17:27,299
Although, is Phoebe there?
392
00:17:31,146 --> 00:17:32,169
Yes. So...
393
00:17:32,914 --> 00:17:35,940
I will now drink eight glasses
of milk in three minutes.
394
00:17:36,117 --> 00:17:37,785
No. No, you won't.
No, you won't.
395
00:17:37,821 --> 00:17:39,367
Because if you do
that, you will die.
396
00:17:39,408 --> 00:17:40,397
Oh!
397
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:59,130
Okay. All right. Okay.
Enough of that racket.
398
00:17:59,535 --> 00:18:03,368
Well, Pawnee. It's almost
6:00 in the morning.
399
00:18:03,538 --> 00:18:06,598
And, we need to keep
those donations coming in.
400
00:18:07,174 --> 00:18:09,734
I know we promised
a special event coming up,
401
00:18:09,810 --> 00:18:10,834
and...
- Leslie.
402
00:18:10,911 --> 00:18:12,537
No.
- Should I come up now?
403
00:18:12,612 --> 00:18:14,807
No. No.
404
00:18:14,881 --> 00:18:17,112
No. What we're going to do is we're
going to pull our pants down.
405
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:18,219
That's what we're going to do.
406
00:18:18,250 --> 00:18:20,037
Everyone's gonna pull their
pants down for diabetes.
407
00:18:20,077 --> 00:18:21,101
Okay? On one, two...
408
00:18:24,858 --> 00:18:27,019
Got my swag on
409
00:18:27,093 --> 00:18:29,686
Took a look in the mirror,
said, "What's up?"
410
00:18:29,762 --> 00:18:31,662
Detlef, are you sure
you don't want me to drive?
411
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:32,889
I'm good to drive.
412
00:18:32,964 --> 00:18:34,397
You want to come up
and play video games?
413
00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:38,971
Whoa! Pull over, man.
That place has good chicken. I'm hungry.
414
00:18:41,271 --> 00:18:43,397
You just love flashing
your ass, don't you?
415
00:18:43,434 --> 00:18:44,834
When it's for
a good cause, Joan.
416
00:18:44,907 --> 00:18:46,499
What's up!
417
00:18:46,575 --> 00:18:47,666
Hey, look who's here.
418
00:18:47,742 --> 00:18:49,141
Wake up, Pawnee!
419
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,734
Tommy Timberlake
is in the house!
420
00:18:50,812 --> 00:18:52,904
And you know
who else is with me?
421
00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:55,915
Detlef Schrempf!
422
00:18:56,283 --> 00:18:58,443
Tell them what they won, son!
423
00:18:58,518 --> 00:18:59,951
All right. Thanks, Tom.
424
00:19:00,019 --> 00:19:02,249
Well, on behalf of the
Detlef Schrempf Foundation,
425
00:19:02,322 --> 00:19:06,553
I would like to present this check
for $5,000 for diabetes research.
426
00:19:07,925 --> 00:19:09,859
Oh, man! Yeah.
427
00:19:09,927 --> 00:19:11,758
Thank you very much. Wow.
428
00:19:12,396 --> 00:19:14,056
Wow. Big man,
big check.
429
00:19:14,664 --> 00:19:18,326
By the way, I'm drunk.
430
00:19:18,734 --> 00:19:20,634
And if anybody out there...
431
00:19:20,703 --> 00:19:21,727
I don't understand.
432
00:19:21,747 --> 00:19:22,879
- What happened?
- I'm sorry.
433
00:19:22,937 --> 00:19:25,549
I think I was a little tired when I
told you that you should do that.
434
00:19:25,579 --> 00:19:28,172
I don't think that
that's something Ann wants.
435
00:19:28,241 --> 00:19:29,606
Not on TV.
436
00:19:29,676 --> 00:19:31,507
So, that's why you
pulled your pants down.
437
00:19:31,578 --> 00:19:32,874
Yeah.
438
00:19:33,496 --> 00:19:35,259
Wait, what did I do?
439
00:19:35,581 --> 00:19:40,017
It's 6:04 a.m. and I'm Perd Hapley
of Channel 4 Eyewitness News.
440
00:19:40,085 --> 00:19:43,713
And the story of this next dance
is that it's called The Worm.
441
00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:52,652
Good morning, Knope.
442
00:19:52,729 --> 00:19:53,820
Morning, Ron.
443
00:19:53,895 --> 00:19:55,795
Everything running smoothly?
444
00:19:55,864 --> 00:19:57,695
You know, I'm happy
to go back out there,
445
00:19:57,766 --> 00:19:59,528
demonstrate more of my skills.
446
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,431
How to start a fire
without matches.
447
00:20:01,502 --> 00:20:03,060
How to build a cribbage board.
448
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,467
No, I'm okay. Thanks.
449
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,397
Get some sleep.
450
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:08,100
Aye-aye, Captain.
451
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:15,112
What the (fuck) are you
doing, Perd Hapley?
452
00:20:18,415 --> 00:20:19,712
- Hey.
- Leslie?
453
00:20:19,831 --> 00:20:21,699
What are you doing here?
Why aren't you sleeping?
454
00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:24,283
I just... I thought maybe
you'd want to talk more
455
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,481
about all the crazy
stuff going on.
456
00:20:26,555 --> 00:20:28,283
I do. I really do.
Thanks.
457
00:20:28,356 --> 00:20:29,721
Yeah.
458
00:20:29,766 --> 00:20:31,272
I've just got to tell you,
I'm a little tired.
459
00:20:31,309 --> 00:20:31,972
Okay.
460
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:35,109
So, I may have parked
on your front lawn.
461
00:20:36,163 --> 00:20:37,721
- You did.
- I did.
462
00:20:37,831 --> 00:20:39,593
- Oh!
- Yeah.
463
00:20:39,665 --> 00:20:43,158
It's... Just come in
before anybody...
464
00:20:45,615 --> 00:20:47,276
Leslie and I had
an amazing talk.
465
00:20:47,350 --> 00:20:49,146
It was so great of her
to come over here.
466
00:20:49,217 --> 00:20:51,742
Even though she was
exhausted beyond belief.
467
00:20:51,820 --> 00:20:55,118
Anyway, after we talked,
she fell asleep on my couch.
468
00:20:56,357 --> 00:20:59,655
And she's been asleep for
469
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,984
twenty-two hours.
470
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,424
It's amazing what
she slept through.
471
00:21:05,606 --> 00:21:06,362
No way.
472
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,118
At one point,
I thought she was up...
473
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:09,818
Hold on. Hi.
474
00:21:10,676 --> 00:21:11,464
Hey.
475
00:21:11,502 --> 00:21:13,113
But then, she went
right back to sleep.
476
00:21:14,805 --> 00:21:17,899
I've been monitoring her vital signs.
She's totally fine.
477
00:21:17,974 --> 00:21:19,702
I love her so much.
478
00:21:20,843 --> 00:21:23,305
But I think I'm going to draw
a mustache on her face.
37251
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