All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S02E05 - Sister City (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Today we are welcoming
a delegation

from the Parks Department
of our sister city,

Boraqua, Venezuela.

Our photo-op with the mayor
is tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.

So, I'm gonna need your suggestions
about my wardrobe ASAP.

I told you,
gold sequin sweatpants.

Also, remember, everyone,
Venezuela is a poor country.

These men are not
used to the wealth

and flash that we have
here in central Indiana.

Our only job over
the next two days

is to make these
men feel at home.

Yes, I am a little nervous.

Pawnee has kind
of a tricky history

with welcoming
foreign visitors.

But things have changed.

Our guests are gonna stay
in a motel, for sure.

Oh, God! What if they
don't speak English?

April, you know Spanish, right?

Oh, good. Excellent.

My mom's Puerto Rican.
That's why I'm so lively and colorful.

Oh, my God. Here they are.
Okay, everybody, clean up.

Pull your thing up. Everyone, just be...
Good. Jerry, hit it.

This is my baby.
I've put this whole trip together,

and let me tell you something.

It's not been easy, you know?

How do you fit all of Pawnee
in a 48-hour visit?

I had to drop the Rock
and Roll bowling alley

from our itinerary.

That was one of the most difficult
phone calls I've ever had to make.

Hello, most excellent representatives
of the great Parks Department

of Boraqua, Venezuela.

I am Deputy Director
of Parks and Recreation,

and Chairwoman of
the Departmental Ad-Hoc

Sub-Committee for Pit
Beautification, Leslie Knope.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I'm Vice-Director Ejecutivo del Diputado
del Departamento de Parques,

Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedro
de Veloso de Maldonado.

I'm Tom.

These are my colleagues, Antonio
Rivera-Fonseca, Minister of Small Fountains.

And Elvis Correja,
Administrator of Hedges.

And he is?

Pay no attention to him.

He's our intern, Johnny.
He is worthless.

We are quite tired from our trip.

Could you have your servant
collect our bags, please?

- What'd he call me?
- Tom, please.

It's a different culture, okay?
Just be a good host. Do this for me?

Fine.

Yes. We will get our
pathetic servant boy

to fetch your luggage.
Go, boy!

Now, I know you gentlemen
had a long flight,

but I have prepared a welcome
party in your honor.

Excellent.
I like to party.

Well, my job is to
see to your every need.

Do we just select
the woman we desire?

I will take
the large black one.

- Interesting choice.
- What?

Do you have some kind of book with
photos of the women available to us?

If not, I will also
take the sexy black one.

I am not surprised at all.
I've been to South America.

I did very well there.

I think there might've been
a translation problem.

When I said party, I meant one
that did not include sex for pay.

But one that had food and drink
and dancing, that sort of thing.

So, no women?

No.

Off to kind of a weird start.

We have so much to
learn from each other.

What kind of
birds do you guys eat?

Chickens.

Us, too! Amazing.

What is this?

Water, I'm sorry.
Agua.

In our country, government officials
drink only bottled water.

I can assure you that that
water's very safe to drink.

No. Bottled, please.
Send the boy.

Tom, go get water.

Leslie, come on!

For your troubles.

You got it, Chief.

Hey, April, can you
help me out a second...

Go away, Jerry.

Okay.

This is a gold plated replica
of the gun Hugo Chavez used

in the 1992
Socialist revolution.

It is a gift.

This gun truly symbolizes the blossoming
peace between our two nations.

A key aspect to
diplomacy is gift-giving.

The gift has to be nice enough
to honor and respect the guest,

but not so nice
that it shames him.

Plus, it needs to
represent the local culture.

And I found the perfect thing.

A bottle of
high-fructose corn syrup,

made right here in Pawnee's
own Sweetums factory.

Sweetums! If you can't beat 'em, Sweetums!
Since 1891.

And eight and a half dozen rubber baby
bottle nipples, also made here in Pawnee.

Kernston's Rubber Nipples,
tastes like the real thing.

Yes. And we too are pleased to
be here in your dirty alleyway.

We thank you for the container
of sap, and the bag of garbage.

His English isn't perfect, so I don't think
he realizes how insulting he's being.

We're also sister cities
with Kaesong, North Korea.

Their town is far nicer.

That's fine, it's my job.
I'm a diplomat.

I'm not supposed to
take it personally.

We haven't been here for a very long
time, but what we have seen is,

really, from the bottom of
our hearts, truly depressing.

Really, really sad stuff.

I mean, that's why people respect
Hillary Clinton so much.

'Cause, nobody
takes a punch like her.

She's the strongest, smartest
punching bag in the world.

It's funny because Antonio said to
me, "Can we turn this car around

"and say we're sick or something,
or that we lost our way?"

Of course, that would
be rude to you.

What is your profession?

I'm a city planner.

This city was planned?

On the drive in, I saw a tattoo
parlor, next to a school

next to a Taco Bell.

It looks like it was designed
by a very stupid rodent.

He's actually
a pretty smart rodent.

- Uh-oh!
- Ah!

You have a quick wit.

You know what?
I've changed my mind,

I will have you
for the evening.

Oh! Boy.

She'll get back to you on that.

Politically, no, I don't
support Chavez.

I despise him and
everything that he does.

On the other hand, this is
a pretty sweet-ass gun.

The banana you wanted, senor.

Ah! Finally. You peel.

What?

With your hands,
you peel the banana.

Okay! Let's get
started, shall we?

I have a full day of
activities planned.

I would like to see where the
children are fed the sweeteners.

A restaurant?

American children are
fattened more efficiently

than any other
children in the world.

I mean, they're like
little basketballs.

I mean, they're huge,
little porkers.

Okay.

This is our thermometer!

I'm trying to turn a giant dirt
pit into a community park.

But I need $35,000, and the city doesn't
have enough money in its budget.

I do not understand.

You've never had
a budget shortage?

No.

Venezuela is blessed
with massive oil reserves.

Massive, I mean, tremendous,
like, you would not believe.

Hmm.

The state sells the oil,
and keeps all the money,

and we build whatever we want.

Wow, well. Now, I do
not understand.

I feel my English was very clear.
Shall I repeat?

Venezuela, Venezuela,
my country,

has a lot of oil.
Oil is food for cars.

The Venezuelans
are a very confident people.

Okay, look, I know these guys
didn't turn out to be exactly

how we thought they would be.

You said they might not know
what toilet paper is.

I'm calling an audible.
We can't be humble anymore.

What we're gonna do is, we're
gonna take them to our best park

and we're gonna
blow their socks off.

Yeah, I don't think that's
gonna blow their socks off.

Fine, we'll go further.
We'll take them to Chicago

and pretend it's part of Pawnee.
Or New York. Or London!

No, wait, the money's
different there.

They'll figure it out. Okay, never mind.
We'll go to the park.

Everybody doing okay back there?
Comfortable?

Well, the motel we're putting
you up in is really nice.

You can watch TBS.
Do you have TBS in Venezuela?

I have everything in Venezuela.

I have four satellite
dishes on my estate.

We get 14,000 channels.
Fourteen thousand.

I already know who
wins Project Runway.

Wow. I'm coming over
to your house then.

I see what you're getting at,
but no, thank you.

I am still primarily interested
in the large black woman.

Here we are!
Take it in, boys.

- This is an embarrassment to America.
- I'm sorry?

You are right to
want to correct this.

Correct what?

This is the giant pit of dirt you
were telling us about, is it not?

The one you want
to turn into a park?

No, no. This is
already a park.

And it's one of
our best-loved parks.

Why are the trees so small?

They're not that small.

Besides, size doesn't matter.

Yes, it does.
Our trees are huge.

We build tunnels through them.

The parks in Boraqua
are far superior.

The park in my hometown,
El parque del Este,

we have a monorail,
and we have an aquarium,

and we have the Jaripa Amphitheater.
It's huge.

Lady Gaga played
there last week.

Great. Well,
we don't have Lady Gaga.

And I don't think
she's going to come here

unless her career
takes a very bad turn.

But we have something more beautiful
than Lady Gaga. Democracy.

I'm gonna show
you an example of that.

Let's go to
a town hall meeting.

Elvis, Oh Henry!
Raul, Butterfinger.

Antonio, Nestle Crunch
with the crispy rice removed.

Weird choice,
but for you, I got it done.

I find it incredibly demeaning.
But guess what?

Cash money.
I'm gonna make it rain

I'm just gonna pick
that up real quick.

So, are you guys ready?
We're about to start.

This is where you
have your meetings?

Well, the location rotates.

Sometimes we have them
on the volleyball courts.

Where do you
hold your meetings?

Well, now that you ask,

we usually rotate as well
between different fortresses

and citadels, and palaces.

Hmm. We don't
need palaces.

The ideas are what
shine in our meetings.

What are you?
Some kind of moron?

Why don't you have hand
dryers in the park bathrooms?

They're so much more
sanitary than paper towels!

Anyone knows that!

My dog went to one of your parks
and ate another dog's feces.

And I'm going to
sue you for that.

- How do you like it?
- No!

How do you like that?

Now imagine
you're holding coffee.

This is outrageous.

Where are the armed men who come
in to take the protesters away?

Where are they?

This kind of behavior is
never tolerated in Boraqua.

You shout like that,
they put you in jail.

Right away.
No trial, no nothing.

Journalists? We have a special
jail for journalists.

You're stealing?
Right to jail.

You're playing music too loud?
Right to jail. Right away.

You're driving too fast?
Jail. Slow? Jail.

You're charging too high
prices for sweaters,

glasses, you right to jail.

You undercook fish,
believe it or not, jail.

You overcook chicken,
also jail.

Undercook, overcook.

You make an appointment with the
dentist and you don't show up?

Believe it or not,
jail, right away.

We have the best patients in
the world, because of jail.

Well, it was tough going,
but it was lively.

What did you think
of the open forum?

This meeting of ugly people yelling?
It is like torture.

That's one perspective.

In Boraqua, the government moves
like a hot knife through butter.

Not as this here,
listening to people yelling,

these fat faces
turning all red?

Are you kidding me?
We're like kings!

We walk down the street and
they treat us like rock stars.

We answer to nobody.

In a true Democracy, we believe
that the input of our citizens

is extremely valuable.

Hey!
These pretzels suck!

Thank you. See?

No wonder nothing ever
gets done in this country.

Really? Nothing gets done?

Tell that to
the Golden Gate Bridge.

Or American Idol.
Or the moon!

Oh, wait, you can't, 'cause
you've never been there.

Look, this is not personal.

We just think that you are weak
and your city is disgusting.

I think you're rude. And I think
you've been rude since you came here.

And I think that your medals are
stupid and your uniform is lame,

and you guys want to
marry Hugo Chavez!

Hey! Do not disrespect Chavez.

Stupid Chavez.

- I just told you not to disrespect him.
- Good, I just did.

- That's twice.
- I don't like Chavez.

Yes, you do.
And do not disrespect him.

- No, I don't!
- Yes, you do!

No, I don't, Raul. Look, if you don't
like it here, then go, okay, Raul?

- Great.
- Good. Shut up.

We're shutting up, yeah.
And we'll go.

- Those are our pens.
- Right.

We don't even need them.
Great, then don't take them.

We didn't.

They started it.

Look, those guys were rude, arrogant,
narrow-minded, class-A jerks.

Now, I may have lost my cool,
but they deserved it.

Okay. I'll call the mayor
and cancel the photo-op.

- No! Don't do that!
- Okay.

Then call the Venezuelans
and apologize.

No, they were rude, arrogant,
narrow-minded, class-A jerks!

Okay. Then I'll call the mayor
and cancel the photo-op.

No!

Do you see the problem here?

Yes! But I don't want to!

Yesterday I was
tough and direct

and today I have
to be charming.

Basically...
Thank you!

Yesterday I was Hillary
Clinton, and today I'm Bill.

Can I get anyone anything
to drink before we start?

Coffee? Brandy?

I'd love some coffee.

- Anything, guys?
- No.

- Some nuts?
- I'll have some nuts.

- Gummi Bears?
- Sure.

- Apple crisps?
- Yeah.

- Granola bars?
- I'll take those.

Nothing? Sure?

Okay. I'll be right
out there if you need me.

Well, Raul, gentlemen,
thank you for coming.

Well, I would just
like to first say,

I am so sorry for
blowing up yesterday.

It was completely uncalled for.

Well, we are sorry as well.
We were very tired from our long journey.

Also, we were a bit jealous.

Our colleagues from Caracas are
visiting their sister city of Miami.

Yeah. They've been
partying with Dwyane Wade.

They sent us all these
photos and QuickTime files.

I mean, you have to see this place Miami.
Just gorgeous, everything.

There's so much soul
and life everywhere!

Every little tiny street,
so much culture, and history!

And the cars! People really
take care of their cars there.

- You notice that and they're a
little older. - Clean and shiny...

but still just beautiful.
- Yeah.

Really, really nice.

And the food, so spicy and wonderful.
We could not even believe it.

But Pawnee is
really good as well.

Yes. In any case,
I made a few phone calls,

and the government of
Venezuela has authorized

a special gift for you.

$35,000?

Yes, it is to fill your pit
to start to build a park.

No, no, we can't take this.

Yes, yes, yes. Please. We will see you
later today at the photo-opportunity.

And I think we're
good here. No?

Okay. Okay, gracias.

Good meeting.

I don't know.
Maybe I should return the money.

It's from a foreign government,

I don't really
trust these guys.

- I'm gonna return the money.
- Are you crazy?

You could buy a low-end
Lexus with that money.

Or, you could build
a park with that money.

Let's look at
the pros and cons.

Pro, we could fill in
the pit and build a park.

Con, we might be filling
it in with dirty money.

Pro, $35,000 worth
of dirty money.

Con, not quite
sure why that's a pro.

Pro, we can fill in the pit.

Con, Ann already said that.
Pro and con never works!

Pro, yes it does.

Fine. Fine.
We'll keep the money. Okay?

Everybody happy?
Jerry, are you happy?

What did I do?
Meeting adjourned, Jerry!

Can I just say, I still feel
kind of weird about this money.

Okay. Look, I know they've
given you a hard time.

When the mayor gets here,
we'll do the photo-op,

they'll be out of our hair,

you'll get to build your park.

Ah! Leslie! Hello.

Raul. The mayor will be with
us in just a few minutes.

If you don't mind,
we would like to take

a video of you to
show our superiors.

Okay, sure.

Do you have the check
that we gave to you?

Ah, yes, I do.

Okay, you're gonna
show it to the camera

and say how much it
is and what it is for.

Okay, this is a check for $35,000
and it is to build a park.

How generous!

Yes, it's really generous.

Now say "Viva Venezuela!"

Viva Venezuela!

Viva Chavez!

Thank you, Venezuela!

"Viva Chavez!" Say it!

Aw, come on.

I don't want to
"viva" that guy.

We just gave you $35,000.
That's worth one "viva."

Viva Chavez.

Yes! Viva Chavez!

Yeah.

What is he saying?

They are very happy.
They say Hugo Chavez will love this video

because it is another success
for their committee.

Committee?

Yeah.

They're a Committee to
Humiliate and Shame America.

It will be a good video.

The Committee to Humiliate
and Shame America?

Yes. It is Hugo Chavez's passion project.
And we just had an idea.

Why don't you call
the park after Chavez?

You know, you call it
Hugo Chavez Park.

And you can have a nice,
big fountain of his head,

so that when
the water is coming out

he is spitting at
you all the time.

You should write this down.

Viva America! Viva Pawnee!
Viva Mayor Walter Gunderson!

You have offended us.

You have offended
the government of Boraqua.

You are no longer our sister.

No, America is not perfect.

But diplomacy isn't just sucking
up and being a pushover.

Sometimes you got to get tough.

I am gonna build that park myself,
and it is gonna be awesome.

And it's not
gonna have a fountain

shaped like Hugo Chavez's head

spitting water
all over everyone.

Unless that's what the people want.
And that, sir, is democracy.

Leslie, come see this!
Check out this video April sent me.

Hey, guys. I'm at Johnny's
place in Venezuela.

It's okay, I guess.

He has like five million rooms.

And this is only
his guesthouse.

Holy cow!

There's a lot of
guys with guns here.

It's better than my
mom's house, I guess.

So, tell Leslie I don't know
when I'm gonna be back.

Oh, and Donna's here.

Hey, guys! Ola!