Original subtitles

Okay. It's almost 6:00, people! Where are my appetizers?

I need the appetizers!

Hey-yo!

What are you wearing?!

You said look chill, like I'm not trying...

too... hard.

I'll change.

Kirby...

You need to calm down.

Mom, the guy who created Big Bald Oaf,

the greatest TV show of all time and the thing

that made me want to become an animator

is coming to dinner at my house...

where we have stains on the tablecloth

as if we're garbage trolls!

Tuna frittata, hombre!

-No way. -I figured.

Honey, I promise everything will be fine.

Your father and I are going to be

on our best behavior.

-(doorbell) -(gasps)

I promise.

-(fanfare plays) -(Announcer) Mac McCallister!

-Hey, Kirby. -Hey, Mac.

How are ya?

Rodney?

How dare you step foot in my house!

(shattering)

It's Mac now!

And I didn't know it was your house!

Nice tablecloth stains, garbage troll!

You don't like my tablecloth?

Fine!

I will destroy you!

Your music is still stupid!

I...

Rodney!

My name is Mac!

So, what do you think of this...

shirt?

(theme music playing)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

(Mom) Oh, he comes into my house?

I don't think so!

(Dad) Honey, no! My grandfather gave me that TV!

(shattering)

So your mom and Mac just started screaming at each other?

And throwing cake.

I don't even know how they know each other,

never mind hate each other enough to sacrifice an entire cake.

Huh... cake.

I haven't eaten all day.

I wanted to save room for our dinner with Mac,

so all I brought for lunch was one of my mom's special jelly muffins.

It was my job to guard it

while Fish was in the bathroom,

but I got sloppy, distracted.

'Sup, Eli?

(echoing) No!

No!

(chewing loudly)

I failed to protect that muffin.

Now I have to live with my guilt

and hope that somehow, someday,

I'll find a way to redeem myself.

(clattering, shattering)

(Mom) Oh, he is toast!

Your mom needs a little me time.

I'm gonna go sit in the car.

Guys, I cannot let my relationship with my hero end like this.

Can you guys go find out where Mac is staying

and make sure he doesn't leave town

before I can figure this out?

And protect him, giving me a chance to redeem myself

for not protecting Fish's innocent muffin?

Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

Yeah!

Look, lady, he just draws me. Don't!

There will be no mention of that show in this house ever again!

Mom, what's going on between you and Mac?

"Mac"? (scoffs)

When we were in high school, his name was Rodney.

You two went to high school together?

We were in a band together.

It was the happiest time of my life.

We were called Misery Pit.

I wrote the perfect song

and we were all set to play it at the talent show,

and then Rodney had to go and mess it all up!

4That's what this is about?

High school? I mean, that was, like, last century.

The last time I saw that loser, I told him if he ever came near me,

I'd ruin him!

Well... (grunts)

It's ruinin' time, baby!

You're on your own for dinner.

I can't believe I lost Ricky So Picky's

Who Wore it Better? to a garbage bag.

I mean, I can see better,

but way better might be a stretch.

Never mind.

You're supposed to be my advisor.

Why are you always letting me make such bad choices?

What? I'm a great advisor.

(scoffs)

(Boy) Stop calling me!

I've told the police about you!

(gasps)

See? He likes you.

He's telling people all about you.

Dawn don't play dat.

Now, that is a good catchphrase.

You are so gonna get that job!

I can't trust you to help me make decisions anymore.

Why is it so hot in here?

Might I advise you to open the window?

-(squawks) -(screams)

-(squawks) -(both scream)

What the bird?

-(squawks) -Yeah, that one's on me.

(doorbell)

Uh... anybody order a trunk?

Dad?

-(screams) -(screams)

(laughs)

You should've seen your face.

You might want to check your pants too.

What the heck is this?

"Me Time"?

(rock music plays)

(Principal Mitchell) No headphones in the hall, home skillet.

What? Who said that?

I said...

no headphones in the hall, home skillet.

Wh...

Principal Mitchell? What's going on?

Wait, you're not one of my students.

What's the dealio?

"The dealio"?

The dealio is I'm in the '90s.

This is wiggidy-wack, Jack,

and I demand you tell me who you are right now.

How did I get into the '90s?

(Girl) Check one, check two. Checking, checking.

Wait, that sounds like my...

We are Misery Pit,

and you people are all sheep.

Mom?

And in addition to the music,

we'll also be displaying the talent of great showmanship.

Ladies and gentlemen, what is cooler than

a guy Hammer dancing with a homemade sign?

How about that showmanship?

All right, this first tune is called "Me Time."

Enjoy. Or don't.

I could care less.

(rock music plays)

Okay, mister,

you obviously don't belong here.

You're a spy, aren't you?

♪ Stomach rot, car rust, rat cage ♪

Did another principal send you

to try to steal the secrets of my discipline techniques?

(sighs)

♪ Sharp sticks, dirty sheets, big smile ♪

♪ Pop quiz, old rope ♪

-♪ I'm vile ♪ -Figures.

♪ Give me my, give me my ♪

♪ Give me my me time ♪

I finally find my perfect talent,

and some hack with a sign shows me up.

-Dad? -You're a hack!

♪ Give me my me time ♪

Sign attack!

(clattering)

Your stupid showmanship ruined my song, Rodney!

Your song was already puke!

-You're puke! -You're puke!

-(microphone feedback) -(both yell gibberish)

Whoa.

(squawks)

-(squawks) -Shoo.

-Go away. -(squawks)

Maybe we should just wait it out.

How long do parrots live anyway?

Like 75, 80 years.

Okay, plan B. Maybe if we leave,

it'll get bored and want to go home.

I'll get my scarf.

(squawks)

I'm just trying to get my scarf.

(squawks)

Okay, fine. Forget it.

I'll... I'll just wear a jacket.

Good call.

-(squawks) -Okay, hold on.

Bad call.

Good call.

(squawks)

Bad call.

The bird is giving me advice on what to wear.

Okay, that's ridiculous.

No, what's ridiculous is your beret, and the bird knew that.

Just like the bird knew that the jacket is the perfect choice.

-Good call. -Belinda...

I found myself a new advisor.

Good call.

Good call. Yeah, it is.

(squawks) Good call.

-But you need protection! -(sighs)

Look, fellas, the only thing I need protection from is

weird kids I don't know barging into my hotel room.

But you do know us.

We saved Big Bald Oaf from being canceled last year.

Huh. Sorry. Doesn't ring a bell.

Look, I can't let anything happen to you.

(voice cracks) I've lost too much today.

You know, the muffin.

Now, what's this about a muffin?

He was supposed to protect my muffin.

Wait, is that a muffin?

Confirmed. We got a muffin.

Yes, that's clearly a muffin.

I'm eatin' that muffin!

Nobody is eating my mini-bar muffin.

That's a $12 muffin.

But you're rich.

It's a muffin.

And I stay rich by knowing the value of a muffin.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm off to the movie theater to get my free refill.

Mm-heh-heh.

No muffin.

Okay, so here's what we know:

I have this magic CD player that sends me back in time

to the '90s, but as soon as my mom's song gets ruined,

I get sent back here.

I know this sounds crazy, but trust me, I am not crazy.

(laughs) Sounds perfectly reasonable

to this talking taco.

(sighs) I think this means I'm supposed to save the show,

so mom and Mac's fight never happens in the first place.

So, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

(Shredlock) Hey...

while you've got those on, maybe listen to my demo.

(sighs)

(rock music plays)

We are Misery Pit.

No headphones in the hall, home skillet.

(Mom) All right, this first tune is called "Me Time."

Enjoy.

Yeah, some guy was asking about how to get in your office.

I think it was some other principal.

The secrets of my discipline.

(rock music plays)

♪ Sharp sticks, dirty sheets, big smile ♪

Excuse me. Uh, coming through.

♪ I'm vile ♪

How is this fun?

-♪ Give me my, give me my ♪ -You're a hack!

♪ Give me my me time ♪

Sign attack!

(clattering)

♪ Bone dust Feel the rage ♪

Great pushing, guys. Well done.

♪ Pop quiz, old rope ♪

Banner making is not a talent!

-♪ Give me my, give me my ♪ -You're a hack!

♪ Give me my me time ♪

Sign attack!

(clattering)

Sign attack.

(Parrot) Bad call.

Good call.

Clam jerky? If you say so.

Oh.

My life is so much better since I let the bird make my decisions.

I even made it on the front page of Ricky So Picky.

"Dawn don't play dat."

I told you to use that catchphrase.

Uh-uh. Dawn don't play dat. Timing is everything.

The bird knew when the world was ready for it.

Well, just so you know,

I've been busy with some advising of my own.

Go ahead. Tell 'em, Briefcase.

Belinda advised me to ditch the briefcase.

Now my entire identity doesn't revolve around an accessory.

Oh! Get a briefcase, Briefcase.

I know. I'm nothing without it.

I never should've listened to you!

Okay, Kirby. You got this.

You've done this 100 times.

Literally.

(sighs)

♪ Burnt paper, bone dust, feel the rage ♪

♪ Sharp sticks, dirty sheets, big smile ♪

Okay, I'm starting to like this.

♪ Pop quiz, old rope ♪

You're a hack!

♪ Give me my, give me my ♪

♪ Give me my me time ♪

I did it. Huh.

They're still playing!

♪ Give me my, give me my ♪

♪ Give me my me time ♪

Sign attack!

-Seriously? -(clattering)

Your stupid showmanship ruined my song, Rodney!

Your song was already puke!

-You're puke! -You're puke!

-(both yell gibberish) -Why am I still here?

Ow.

Why would you do that?

I don't even know who you are!

Oh, no.

I'm stuck in the '90s!

This never would have happened if you wouldn't have made

a mockery out of my music with your lame hype man, Rodney.

Well, you wearing flannel and calling everybody sheep

made a mockery out of showmanship.

And stop calling me Rodney.

I'm changing my name to, uh...

Uh, Mac?

(chuckles)

Yeah.

"Mac McCallister."

Real smart, doof.

Weirdo.

You're out of my band!

Good! Your band stinks.

And your song stinks.

So, cheers to you!

I'm getting a drink refill.

"Me Time" is magic, you jerk!

It transports people to a better place!

"Transports people..."

The song transports people.

That's it!

It wasn't the CD player at all!

It was the song!

That's it, Kirby.

The power of rock can bend space and time...

(wheezes) Oh, okay.

There's no way I can keep that up.

(Belinda) Please don't listen to him, Dawn.

You want me to go down to the school basement?

-This way? -Good call.

This seems like a really bad idea, Dawn.

Literally nothing good has happened in this basement.

(squawks)

You want me to go alone?

Good call.

Uh, I really don't think...

What is it with the honey and feather traps

in this school?!

I was right!

You look like an idiot!

And it wasn't my fault! Ah, yay me.

Huh?

I wore it better.

Wait, what did you say?

I wore it better.

What do you mean you wore it... What...

Uh... Dawn?

(chuckles)

So, you became my advisor and gained my trust

just so you could beat me at Ricky So Picky's

Who Wore it Better?

Way better.

What could have possibly happened to you

to make you so evil?!

These other principals are onto me.

It's only a matter of time before they realize

that you are the secret of my discipline techniques.

You have been a trusted advisor to me,

Assistant Principal Derrick, and I'm going to miss you

because I am now going to lock you in this basement

where no other principal will ever find you again.

Bad call, bad call, bad call!

(door slams shut)

Hey, you're the guy that tackled me earlier, right?

I wanted to thank you.

For what?

For reminding me that MC Hammer's not about violence.

He's about love and very baggy pants,

and other people's inability to touch this.

Right.

-Anytime. -I can't help it.

I just get so angry thinking someone's making

a mockery of the thing I love!

"Making a mockery..."

I can't believe I almost let it get

between me and my best friend, Bill Gates.

Hey.

I'm gettin' that muffin.

I am not paying 12 bucks

for you to have a snack!

-(laughs) -Back away from him, Fish!

I have a job to do here!

(screams)

Mac! I'm sorry!

(gasps) Man down! Man down!

Eli...

(Both) Nooooo!

(Fish gasps)

Still not a talent!

(sighs)

Hey, everybody. Listen to my song.

Or don't 'cause it's stupid.

-Yeah. -(unplugged guitar strums)

Oh, yeah.

♪ Stomach rot ♪

♪ And the car rust ♪

(Both) He's making a mockery...

-of showmanship! -of my music!

(Kirby humming)

♪ Big smile ♪

Who raised you anyway?

Whoa! Okay!

Hey, I think what that total weirdo was trying to do

is play a little song called "Me Time."

I think you mean "We Time."

No.

Song's called "Me Time."

Okay.

(rock music plays)

(cheering)

♪ Stomach rot, car rust, rat cage ♪

♪ Burnt paper, bone dust, feel the rage ♪

♪ Sharp sticks, dirty sheets, big smile ♪

♪ Pop quiz, old rope, I'm vile ♪

♪ Give me my, Give me my ♪

Thanks for the job offer at your computer company, Bill,

but I'm gonna pass.

I gotta go see about a girl.

♪ Give me my, give me my ♪

-♪ Give me my me time ♪ -She'll come around.

You did it, young Kirby!

Yes, you did.

(Both) There can only be one!

(zaps and metal guitar riffs)

(wails)

Ha ha! Victory is mine!

Wait, this can't be!

Kirby, you have yo go back!

Save me!

-Oh, yeah. -Yeah.

Kirby, you're late for dinner, bud.

Oh, uh...

just, uh, lost track of time.

So how'd it go protecting Mac?

-What? -What are you talking about?

Yeah, what are you talking about?

Mac! Thanks so much for coming to dinner!

Why are you being weird?

I come over for dinner all the time

'cause I love your family.

(whispers) Free food.

He comes too much.

(laughs)

-(all laugh) -Just kiddin'.

(whispers) Too much.

(chuckles)

You can't touch this!

(sighs)

Pretty cool, huh?

Okay, hang on. I'm about to act

the living daylights out of this.

Let's just discuss the whole scene real quick.

Hello, I'm Mars Johnson of the rock band Cinderella.

(beeping)

I've just crashed the family station wagon into a lake

just for kicks.

(laughter)

Stop. Dinner time.

(man vocalizing melody)

Can you feel it?

I love you, Mac.

(laughter)