Original subtitles

(Kirby) My sister Dawn has a dog-like trait.

Not the best friend part.

The burying stuff in the back yard part.

Which, in a way, is kind of my own fault.

So that you can dig a hole and stay in it for a really long time.

Ugh.

Stupid joke shovel present.

(coughing)

Little did I know that the dog in Dawn

was leading me to a discovery so earth-shattering...

it threatened to bury my entire family.

(theme music plays)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

I give you my history presentation.

A rock with a piece of cloth in it?

Okay.

So, you know how Mr. Krause has entirely checked out of class

to write his novel, right?

Your assignment for tomorrow is to come up with 10 potential names

for my new assassin.

Right now, all I have is "Diego Longwood."

Which, now that I'm saying it out loud, is perfect.

Never mind.

Since he basically lets us do whatever we want,

we're gonna have a competition to see

who can make the worst history presentation.

Here.

Check out my rock.

I found it in my back yard.

It looks pretty old.

That was my presentation.

Pretty terrible, right?

You could say that.

Or you could say it was focused and to the point.

Okay. What's going on?

My brother Kurt's writing a novel.

"Kurtual Spinsanity: The Power of Talking Big.

Written by Kurt."

Kurt's system is life-changing.

If you just talk about something like it's awesome,

it becomes awesome!

He calls it... "Spin."

Example.

Yesterday I would have been mad because Kurt stole my shoes,

and made me wear these stupid plastic bags on my feet.

But today, he knows Kurt provided him with an opportunity

to experience the finest in invisible, lightweight footwear.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Or is it so revolutionary

you just can't process it?

The first one.

What's going on, Dawn?

Uh, so, uh,

you know how I've been posting a lot of pictures lately

of me and the body?

You mean that guy you've been hanging out with?

He does have a great body.

Hence the nickname.

Uh, anyway.

Turns out he may or may not be

a super muscular mannequin I have been pretending to be real.

That body's even better in person.

I just wanted people to think that I have a super hot boyfriend.

But people are starting to ask questions.

What's all this about, Dawn?

Oh, I know, right?

My new boyfriend has such a great body.

Heh.

Too great. I'm not buying it.

We both know I'm the best you're ever gonna do.

I'm your ceiling, Dawn Buckets.

Something's up with this guy, and I'm gonna find out what.

Belinda...

we gotta get rid of the body.

Those triceps, though.

Check out this rock.

Found it in my back yard.

Looks pretty old.

Okay, presentation over.

Great project, Kirby. A+.

Uh... class dismissed.

(murmuring)

I'm like, not kidding. Out!

Except Kirby.

I need to have a word with you.

(camera shutters clicking)

We are here today because of a dog.

And no, not that so-called "hero dog"

that is running against me for mayor.

(booing)

Kirby, why is the mayor holding a press conference in our back yard?

I found a rock.

Oh...

Ahem.

200 years ago, our founding fathers set forth

to place their flag upon a piece of land that they could call home.

Unfortunately, their dog took a bite out of that flag.

(dog growling)

But then, that same dog took a poop.

A poop waving the missing piece of that flag

that finally marked the spot that we would call "Forest Hills."

(applause)

The settlers called what that dog left "Old Whitey."

And it has been missing... until now.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold...

the pride of Forest Hills,

Old Whitey!

(applause)

Please, join me in thanking

that bright, young, back yard archaeologist

who has recovered Old Whitey,

Mr. Kirby Buckets!

(applause)

-Whoa-ho! -Did everybody hear that?

My son found the poop. My son!

-My son, too. -Well...

'Cause he's both of ours.

Yep. I'm a hero, all right.

Buckets, your house stands

on the exact spot where Old Whitey was recovered.

Ha. I knew it.

And it makes me proud to announce

that we will be tearing down your house

to build a monument to Old Whitey!

-Our house? -Being torn down?

For an old piece of dog poop.

Okay, we need to stop the town from tearing down our house

to put up a monument to an old piece of dog poop.

What ideas do we have?

So many things I've never done in this house.

I've never slid down that banister.

Never made a fire in the fireplace.

That's great, Dad, but right now we really just need to...

Never even took a bath here.

My own house and I never took a bath in it.

I say we march down to city hall,

tell Mayor Ladypants that there's a call on the line

from a Mr. Charley Horse.

Pow! Dead leg.

Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and pass on that plan.

I think we can all agree, though,

that I am definitely not the type of person to make up a fake boyfriend.

And if anyone says differently, please bring it to my attention.

Guys, come on! We need to focus.

This is our house we're talking about.

We can't just let them tear it down.

We've had a lot of good times in this house.

...but it wasn't the ghost,

it was this!

(screaming)

Aah! Aah!

Whoa!

(clucking)

Aww!

Ah!

Oh, man.

So, let's come up with some ideas before they tear the house down.

That's it, I've got it.

Yes, thank you! Finally. What do you got?

Okay, I'll put the body in the basement.

This way it'll get destroyed with the house.

What's the point, Kirb?

It's clear everybody in this town loves old dog poop more than they love us.

So why don't we take a little family trip down to the dog park,

grab some shovels and some envelopes,

-and we'll mail them... -Wait.

That's it, I've got an idea.

If everyone is gonna tear down the house because they love Old Whitey so much,

then we just need to make them love us more.

I mean, that shouldn't be too hard, right?

I mean, we're a pretty likable family.

So, is this in addition to mailing everyone dog poop?

Sorry, Kirb, it's not that I don't think your plan's gonna work,

but what's important right now is that I take a bath in this house

before your plan inevitably doesn't work.

You guys think this bag is big enough to hold a body?

So, there you have it.

When the bulldozers come, it'll be bye-bye, body.

And you don't care at all that your house is being torn down?

Eh. Houses can be rebuilt, Belinda, reputations can't.

-Why are you all dressed up? -No reason.

Hey! Here's an idea.

Uh, what if instead of destroying the body,

we just keep it at my house?

Do you have a crush on the body?

What? No!

That's crazy.

We just met.

See, it's way easier without a ball.

We need to hide the body.

Oh, who am I kidding, I can't write a crime novel.

I've never been anywhere near an actual crime.

Except for the crime of these run-on sentences!

(pencils clatter)

Ugh.

We'll just leave the body here and come back for it later.

Don't worry, we'll come back for you.

The body can't hear you, Belinda.

The body's not alive.

Which means he can't smell that perfume you're wearing, either.

Heh.

I know I should call the police,

but maybe I should consider this research first?

Please, please, let's all just take a deep breath.

Because when this election is over,

there's only one place where my opponent is going.

And that is through the doggy door!

(applause)

You know, you're really cutting into my bath time.

Sorry, Dad, but we need the entire family here in person

so they can see how likable we are.

What about Dawn?

-You know, everyone except Dawn. -That makes sense.

Eh, we do want people to like us, after all.

We can't let them tear down the house.

And this is just the video we need to help us.

We put all the spin we could on this bad boy.

People are gonna love you way more than Old Whitey after they see this.

We even tried one of Kurt's most advanced techniques.

Backspin. I mean, you...

Okay, fine, whatever!

They say, "let sleeping dogs lie."

Well, I say dogs lie.

Do not let a liar dog become your next mayor.

Not all dogs go to heaven.

(applause)

(chuckling)

Uh, I hate to interrupt,

but I think there's something here that you all should see.

What is the meaning of this and who are you people?

We're the Buckets.

You need to be more specific.

You know, the people whose house you're tearing down?

I know all of you love Old Whitey so much,

but I think it's time you knew the other side of the story.

(upbeat music plays)

(Fish) Forest Hills,

isn't it time you fall in love with the Buckets?

(Eli) Dad Buckets isn't just sitting in the tub

waiting like a coward for his house to be destroyed,

he's taking a freedom bath.

(singing)

♪ I'm never getting out of this tub ♪

What... Hey.

And that soulful song of his?

It's straight from the heart.

And Mom's not just some rage-filled maniac

who's not allowed in the grocery store anymore.

Come on, you animals.

I dare you to step one foot on my land.

She's the people's guardian.

Making sure the mayor doesn't come for her house

because the mayor might come for your house next.

(Eli) And Kirby's not just some smirking rat face

with a web channel you've never heard of.

He's the classic all-American boy-next-door.

Three parts kindness with a pinch of mischief.

(Fish) And there's Dawn.

And here comes the backspin.

What has Old Whitey ever done for you?

Nothing. It just lays there being gross because it's poop.

(Eli) If Old Whitey's so great, where's he been for 200 years?

What are you hiding, Old Whitey?

You murderer!

(crowd murmuring)

(Fish) Old Whitey:

Dog poop never comes clean.

Spin brought to you by "Kurtual Spinsanity"

The book that'll make your junky life awesome.

Available online soon.

They're smearing Old Whitey's name!

It's a poop smear!

(booing)

Okay, all right. Thank you.

Thank you very much, big non-voter.

That was a disaster.

Boo!

It was a video that made people take notice.

No! No more spin.

How soon can we tear down their house?

If anybody goes anywhere near my house, the poop gets it!

Okay, we apparently have a hostage situation here.

So, everyone out! Please, just out!

(pandemonium)

Please, just... Just calm down.

Calm down.

Hey, homewrecker.

Looks like Charley horse just galloped into town,

and you're about to get some dead leg.

Okay, all right, all right, all right!

The mayor has it under control.

All right? The mayor has got it all under control!

So, what now?

I have no idea.

So, you think there's a chance people realized how silly this was

and just ended up going home?

-(people shouting) -(siren blaring)

Stand back!

You in there, poop abductors!

You've got five minutes to surrender Old Whitey

or we are coming in!

Heh.

Yeah, violence!

(barking)

Hey, no, no!

This is my hostage situation, okay?

Or it's a full-blown hostage situation.

So glad we got out of there.

Okay. Gotta figure this out.

(panting)

I can't believe our spin didn't work.

We spun everything that can be spun!

Wait, what if that's the point?

What if that's Kurt's greatest lesson of all?

What are you talking about?

Kurt doesn't know anything about spin.

But he spun it to make it seem like he did.

It's a spin paradox!

Kurt spun spin itself!

I think we just became masters of spin.

(laughing)

-Hey, you dizzy? -Little bit.

In prison movies it's just a lot of showers, right?

You never see any bathtubs.

Of course, sometimes they just throw that white powder on you.

I don't think your father can hold out much longer.

We want to negotiate!

You can have Old Whitey as long as you don't take our house.

No deal!

A historical monument will be my legacy.

I tell you what.

Let Old Whitey go, and none of you will go to jail.

And we get to keep our house.

No can do!

But if you give up now, we'll get you a new house.

Will the new house have a bathtub?

I don't know.

Probably.

Okay, I think we should give up.

What? No! I don't want a new house.

I want our house.

Oh, I'm with you, Kirbo,

but as much as I want to go down in a blaze of glory,

I'm not sure we have much of a choice.

Unless...

Okay. We're coming out!

What's up with the body? It's like he put on weight.

Yeah. Probably muscle weight.

Okay, Mayor, just like we agreed.

All right, all right, just don't do anything stupid,

and we will all get out of this.

All right!

Under my careful guidance as mayor of this town,

Old Whitey is now safe

and will soon be back where it belongs.

And the Buckets will enjoy their new home.

Uh, Dawn...

So, once we hide the body,

we'll be off the hook and home free.

(crowd gasps)

They killed someone?

Police, arrest the Buckets!

(sirens blare)

And you can just forget about that new house.

You wanna take the body?

You gotta go through me first!

Ugh!

Aah!

(screams)

(coughing)

Sorry, I was just trying to do some research for my book

from the victim's point of view.

Well, you may not have killed someone,

but you will regret the day that you tried to fool with this mayor.

(dog whining)

Eww.

Old Whitey's gone full circle!

He's back inside a hero dog!

That dog's the chosen one!

Oh, this is ridiculous.

I am still the mayor of this town...

Don't listen to her anymore!

We want a hero dog to be the mayor!

I say we vote right now.

All those in favor of a dog for mayor say "aye."

(Crowd) Aye!

That clinches it, the dog's mayor!

(cheering)

And she's pardoning Kirby's family!

Haha!

Yeah!

We should all follow her around and see where she poops out Old Whitey.

It's the second pooping.

We'll build the monument there!

Home, sweet home.

Couldn't have said it better myself, Kirb.

It's good to be back.

Yup. Our old, reliable, kinda boring house.

Yeah.

You know, I do kinda hate the paint in here.

Ugh. And the layout just...

-does not make any sense. -(phone buzzing)

-Yeah. -Whoa, you guys, check this out.

The Johnson's house is getting torn down for the new Old Whitey monument?

And that's the house they're getting in exchange?

We could have been living there instead of...

(sighs)

Thanks a lot, Dawn.

(theme music playing)

Sorry.

I smell an animated montage.

-Yes! -Yes!

Spin spun!

Spin spinning!

But I love dogs.

Yes, woof.

What happens next

You've really never took a bath? They're awesome!

I use baby wipes.

(laughs)

What?

Ung, ung, ung!

(laughing)