Original subtitles

(laughing)

(Kirby) You probably know me as a pretty good-natured guy...

And more often than not, things seem to go my way.

(grunts)

So, why am I destroying my own living room?

Well, everyone's got something that'll make 'em a little crazy.

For me, it was losing my favorite thing in the world...

the ability to draw.

And I had to find a way to get it back

before it destroyed more than just my living room.

(theme music playing)

(man) ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

You ready?

'Cause I'm about to open up a can of kick-butt on you.

What? That's it? (screams)

-(blows thudding) -(grunting)

-(burps) -Told you, man!

(chuckles) What I wouldn't give to be in that head of yours.

All right, folks, get 'em while they're hot.

What are we having?

Kirby's favorite... pancakes.

Of course he gets his favorite.

He always gets his favorite.

And why? Because the universe unfairly loves Kirby more than me.

I thought you liked pancakes.

Oh, I do. I just slightly prefer waffles.

Dawn, I don't make the rules of the universe,

-I just enjoy them. -(doorbell chimes)

Ready for science?

Can science wait till after breakfast?

Science cannot.

Science.

Yeah, I don't know if this qualifies as science.

We could just do a potato clock like we did for last year's science fair.

Nothing wrong with an honest D+.

No way! The Tri-five is gonna be mankind's greatest achievement.

Three hands colliding in perfect high-speed harmony.

And I'm telling you, if we do this right,

the clap will create a shockwave that'll break glass.

You guys ready?

Good, because what we do now, we do for science...

And for all mankind.

(Kirby sighs)

(Kirby yelling)

-(cracks) -(groaning)

Are you okay?

Someone get a doctor...

that knows what he's doing.

(groans)

(Kirby) Mom! Dad!

(school bell rings)

(sighs)

The doctor says I have to wear it for eight weeks.

I'm sorry, Kirb. This one's on me.

I forgot to calculate for wind resistance.

Rookie mistake.

It's not your fault. Besides, I'll be fine.

I'm just bummed out I can't draw for a while.

Sorry, guys.

Fear not, simple human.

I possess the advanced technology to draw myself.

(whirring)

Yeah, we're gonna have to figure something else out.

So hey, I got you a little something to help you through this.

It's the clap-lite,

so you don't have to get up to shut off the light.

You can just do it by clapping your hands.

Oh. Right.

Rookie mistake.

Great. It just ate another dollar.

Classic dawn buckets.

-The universe doesn't want me to be happy. -(cellphone rings)

Well, that English test you didn't study for just got canceled.

-The universe can't hate you that bad. -(camera clicking)

Then why is the yearbook photographer coming over to take candids?

Cover me! No pictures! Every photo of me comes out...

Surprisingly breathtaking.

What? Let me see that.

This is the best picture anyone's ever taken of me.

Congratulations. You just shot the yearbook cover.

Looks like someone owes the universe an apology.

Not likely. This is a temporary glitch. Trust me, Belinda, the universe...

(vending machine whirs)

-(laughs) -What is happening to me?

What the...?

Sorry, your hand's too short, but thank you.

You have lovely nails.

(Fish) Don't mind me. It's for science.

How much longer are we gonna look for Kirby's hand double?

Until we find him... or her.

Kirby has surprisingly delicate hands.

-J.D. here is pretty close. -"Pretty close"?

His hand is 2.7 centimeters off.

No offense, J.D., but your hand is a joke.

I couldn't help but overhear you guys are in need of help.

Allow me to lend a hand... literally.

That hand... it's perfect.

Who are you?

My name's Bobby Cordiero, but you can call me "Soft Hands."

(gasps) So soft.

So, Soft Hands...

-Will you join our science fair project? -I'd be honored.

No, we'd be honored.

Trust me, I'd be honored more.

I wouldn't say that, because we'd be very honored.

Well, I'm honored that you're very honored.

(grunting)

(Gut-Punch) Ze doctor will see you now.

Or should I say ze doctor will beat you now?

Ow!

Whoa! Whoa!

-Ah! -Uh, Kirby?

Oh, Mr. Jenkins. Hey, what's up?

Just wanted to say sorry about your hand.

I know you and your friends were planning

some high-five thingamajiggie for the science fair.

Don't worry about coming up with a new project.

I've got plenty of old potato clock parts I could toss your way.

Thanks, Mr. Jenkins. I really appreciate it.

-(grunts) -Is something wrong?

Nothing. Just an itchy cast.

Whoa. Oh. Sorry.

Ow!

What is happening to me?

So, you think you're becoming your characters?

It's the only explanation I can think of!

I haven't gone this long without drawing before.

It's like all my pent-up creativity is starting to take over.

Yeah, that'll happen.

I used to put all my creativity into making abstract pies

until the government shut me down for no good reason

when all those people got sick.

I went a little nutso myself...

thought I was a lemon meringue for three days.

What did you do about it?

I found a new creative outlet... interpretive dance.

(dance music playing)

(growls)

So, what you're saying is I need to find a new way to express myself?

No. I was talking about making abstract pies and interpretive dancing.

Where was your head at?

(Kirby) Okay, new creative outlet.

(funky beat playing)

(discordant notes playing)

(sighs, growls)

What's the point? (sighs)

(Tri-Butt) Who shut off that funky beat?

(funky beat playing)

Wha-whoa! Whoa!

(grunts) Hey!

"Dear Dawn Buckets, congratulations.

You are the lucky winner of the 'Win a Date with Chadwin' contest.

We hope you enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

to have lunch with the soft-eyed dreamboat from your favorite boyband, Ume4evr."

This can't be real.

Yeah, I entered that contest like 10,000 times,

but I couldn't have actually won it, right?

Looks legit to me.

Things like this don't happen to me.

It's like the universe has forgotten that I'm Dawn Buckets.

-(Kirby yells, grunts) -(funky beat playing)

No! Stop!

You have two butts, not three!

Ah!

I think your brother's lost it.

Poor guy. It must be hard on him with that broken hand.

-Wait, that's it! -What's it?

This all started when Kirby broke his hand.

That's why all of these good things have been happening to me.

As long as Kirby's down, I'm up.

I'm not sure that's how the universe works.

Trust me. I know how the universe works, Belinda.

It's been beating up on me ever since I was born.

As long as Kirby's miserable, things will keep going my way.

(Kirby yells, crashes)

The age of Kirby is over.

Welcome to the dawn... of Dawn.

-(beeping) -(Fish) I don't get it.

Our form is perfect and all the numbers add up.

So, where's the shockwave?

Where is the breaking glass?

Maybe the Tri-five just isn't possible.

Guys, anything is possible if you believe,

and I believe in both of you.

Isn't he the nicest?

I thought I was the nicest.

Yeah, you're pretty nice too, but...

Soft Hands gave me this gift basket.

Yeah, yesterday was my birthday,

and as I made a wish, I thought to myself,

"you know who would love all these presents?

Fish."

So, I'm not the nicest?

It's like the whole universe is out of whack.

(Kirby) Hey, guys.

Please... I insist.

Man! I should've offered my seat first.

Come on, Eli. Get your head in the game!

Any luck stopping the crazy train?

No. And I've tried everything.

I even tried drawing through someone else.

Okay, now just curve the mustache to the left a little bit.

You know, I think it's looking pretty good.

Why is your face scrunching up like that?

Ow!

'Cause I can't stand looking at your lousy drawing...

Mr. No-talent-whatsoever!

Well, you've...

(emotionally) You've given me a lot to think about.

Harsh but fair.

I'm gonna go be alone for a little while.

I don't know what to do.

If I don't start drawing soon, it's gonna ruin my life.

-(bell dings) -(crowd cheering)

Oh, no.

Oh yeah! (grunting)

Which one of you soft-shells wants a piece of macho taco ?

I'm gonna...

You're eating tacos?

(gasps)

So, I said to the guy, "that's not a quesadilla.

-That's a quesa-don'tcha." -(laughter)

Hey, what's going on?

What's going on is I'm the most popular girl in school.

Apparently everyone wants to be friends

with the girl who won a date with Chadwin from Ume4evr.

Isn't that right, Belinda?

That's Sandy. I'm Belinda.

Oh, I just call everyone Belinda now. It's easier...

(whispers) And they don't seem to care.

Well, that's good... I guess.

"Good" doesn't even begin to describe it.

Everything's going my way,

even lunch lady Helen named a sandwich after me.

Hey, how's that Dawn's V.I.P. Club sandwich?

So, I guess you were right about the universe after all.

Of course I was.

I'm taking these tacos where you can't hurt them anymore!

If anyone follows me,

they're gonna get slammed with the nacho duster!

Cousin Edward! I'm sorry!

(crying)

So, here's what I'm thinking:

I use this date with Chadwin to get him to fall in love with me,

then I have to ditch school to go on tour with the band

until I inevitably become more famous than him,

at which point I'll probably have to dump Chadwin

for someone more... befitting.

Well, will we still be able to hang out?

Oh, Belinda, don't be ridiculous.

Of all these other Belindas, you're still my favorite.

(chuckles) But I've gotta go.

Belinda, Belinda, you coming?

(girls giggle)

(marker scratching)

-A baseball? A zero. -Hm-mmm. Hm-mmm

The number zero? Is it a... the moon? It's the moon.

-(buzzer sounds) -Time's up!

The circle of life.

Have you never seen a circle of life before?

In your life?

Honey, can we get Kirby checked for glasses, please?

Okay. My turn.

Oh, my. What do we have here?

Ooh. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say... an alien.

-That's correct. -Ooh!

Weird. Turns out I can draw now.

Isn't that something?

Here's a fun idea. Let's switch partners.

-Yeah? -Come on, Kirb, you're up.

Well, do I have to?

Yeah, get up there. It'll be fun.

Try your best, Kirb. Let's see if we can get one point

for this entire game, all right?

Left hand, here it goes. (sighs)

(mother) Okay, it's... it's a mayor falling off of a waterfall.

(growling)

(mother) It's an inside-out coat hanger.

It's not Dawn's alien.

This is what you pathetic humans think an alien looks like?

No spaceship? All those ugly limbs?

-Ah... What's going on? -(chuckles) Let's play the game, Kirb.

Games? Oh, you want to talk about games.

Well, there's a game we like to play on our planet.

We call it the destruction of earth!

(grunting)

Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and ask you to go to your room.

I'll let you pick up this mess after you think about what you've done,

and after you've worked on your picture-recognition skills.

(chuckles)

Okay, so... whose turn is it?

(sighs deeply)

-(light clicks) -Kirby. What a surprise.

That I'm in my own room?

-You and I need to talk. -About?

Setting the universe back in order.

So, you think because I can't draw, the universe is all mixed up?

I do. And I know it sounds selfish,

but I'm losing my best friend because of it, and I need her back.

Well, I'd love to help... believe me, I would...

(sighs) But I don't get my cast off for another eight weeks.

Dawn is getting stronger by the day,

and everything is turning out exactly the way she wants it to.

You think the last few days have been bad?

What do you think is gonna happen to you

when Dawn is in complete control of the universe?

You're right. We need to correct this fast.

So, what are we gonna do?

You're gonna learn to draw with your left hand.

Let the training begin.

Uh-uh.

Circles.

Go. Left hand only.

-(beeps) -Go!

Left! Right! Left!

-Ah! -Kirby, pull away.

(both grunting)

-Yeah! Now that is a circle! -You think?

Three seconds!

(both cheering)

-(cheering) -(pop music playing)

-Chadwin, I... -Shh!

Yes, this is happening.

You have a pretty cool school.

You know what else is pretty? You are.

Oh, Chadwin, you say the sweetest things...

And so quietly.

(loudly) He said I was super pretty!

You said "super pretty," right? Let's just round it up to "radiant."

(loudly) He said I was radiant!

Chadwin, please enjoy one of my Dawn's V.I.P. Club sandwiches

(laughs) Baller.

Mmm!

Just don't tell my manager that I'm eating carbs.

Seriously.

-So, am I ready? -We don't have time to find out.

Dawn is on a date with Chadwin as we speak.

Here. Draw like the universe depends on it.

(dramatic music plays)

I don't know what it is, Dawn,

but something about this sandwich makes me want to sing to you.

Chadwin.

♪ Girl, don't you know My love for you ♪

♪ Is just like a sandwich ♪

♪ Looking at you now Walking down this hall ♪

♪ Hand-in-hand-wich ♪

(Tri-Butt laughs)

♪ There's a hunger deep inside ♪

♪ Let us look into each other's eyes ♪

♪ Catch up on all the things We're dreamin' of ♪

♪ Stack a little love and tenderness ♪

♪ In between you and I ♪

I'll be back!

- ♪ A sandwich of love ♪ -(camera phone clicks)

-(grunting) - ♪ Girl, dry your tears ♪

♪ I'll hold you like you're a sandwich ♪

(Gut-Punch) I will send you ze bill.

♪ Just call my name, you know I'll do ♪

♪ All I can-wich ♪

♪ Here's a hunger deep inside ♪

♪ Let us look into each other's eyes ♪

♪ Catch up on all the things We 're dreamin' of ♪

♪ Stack a little love And tenderness ♪

- ♪ In between you and I ♪ -(camera phone clicks)

-Later, hombre. -(rips)

♪ That's how we'll make ♪

- ♪ A sandwich of love ♪ -(stomach gurgling)

♪ It'll satisfy your appetite ♪

-Oh, no, something's not right. -(gurgling continues)

- ♪ That's tight ♪ -Betrayed by my own sandwich.

(all gasp)

So, I was wondering if maybe I can go on tour with you gu...

Oh, no, more... (pukes)

All is right with the universe.

-Kirby, are you sure about this? -Positive.

I'm not gonna leave my friends hanging

when I've got a perfectly good left hand to tri-five with.

And what about you, nicey-nice?

I'm sure you're just hunky-dory with dropping out.

That's it! I've had it with your stupid high-five project!

You losers don't deserve me or my perfectly soft hands!

I quit!

I knew it! I knew I was the nicest!

Still, I wish him the best.

All right, let's do this!

(dramatic music playing)

Okay, you guys ready to make science fair history?

-Ready! -Ready.

(mutters) Technically, this is not science or history.

All right, T-minus three,

two, one!

(cracks)

(Eli) Well, we didn't break the glass,

but we did break all of our hands, so that's something.

I've learned that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

If I wouldn't have broken my right hand,

I would never know I could draw with my left.

Plus we can all rest easy knowing that I'm the nicest guy in Forest Hills.

So, wait, if you went crazy because you couldn't draw,

isn't it just gonna happen again because your other hand is broken?

(ominous music plays)

(laughing)

-We're coming back. Come on. -Have fun, it's just a game.

Okay, a... a broken rainbow.

A-a... a pile of string.

It's a square kissing a circle.

It's an umbrella party. It's a melted squirrel

it's a sausage running through a pizza field.

It's a pile of igloos.

It's Georgia O'Keeffe. An upside-down circus.

It's not Dawn's alien.