Original subtitles

This is Kirby Buckets talking to you from room 114.

(screams)

Hey! I'm trying to talk to future generations here.

Barbarians. You know what I'm saying?

I thought I could turn this class into a paradise,

but I was wrong.

If Principal Mitchell finds out what we're doing here, I'm a dead man.

-(footsteps approach) -Wait, wait. Wait! No! No!

(theme music plays)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

(school bell rings)

So you're telling me you can get Mr. Bostwick

-to give you less homework? -Less homework, fewer tests.

I mean, every teacher can be trained, like...

I don't know, like you train a dog or something.

It just takes persistence.

We trained My Aunt Stella to go on the newspaper.

But sometimes she misses.

I still can't believe

you named your dog "My Aunt Stella."

After my aunt Stella!

Yeah. We should bring them both to the park someday

-so they can meet. -Guys! Focus!

I've been working on Bostwick all year,

and I think today's the day. I think he's ready to crack.

Ah! Humans, the most fragile of all the species.

No! Your atmosphere!

It causes me to... (gasps)

I like Mr. Bostwick. He gives me structure.

And I'm a guy who does well with structure.

Eli, you don't need to be told what to do all the time.

I don't need to be, I want to be.

There's a big difference.

Well, not to me. I think we'd be better off

with no rules whatsoever, total anarchy,

-just like medieval times. -I'm pretty sure medieval times

-weren't all that great, Fish. -Yeah, that's what I thought,

but then I went to see the medieval magic show last night.

-(weapon clangs) -(crowd gasps, applauds)

It turns out history is nuts.

A guy ticks you off, you knock him off your horse...

into a pile of manure.

-I love it! -There's nothing real

about medieval magic, Fish.

Those jousting guys don't even get hurt.

Oh! Oh, sorry, bro.

I guess I did see where I was going.

-(humphs) -(sighs)

I wish you could train a sister.

-(growls, panting) -Sit. Beg.

Now move to another country. Good girl.

One day, science will find a cure for bothers.

Yikes. Someone's got a bad case of the frizzies.

And Shanley? Weird.

They're coming from the direction of the girls' locker room.

O.M.G., Dawn, look at this.

(gasps) The school has a new policy:

"No personal blowdryers allowed"?

No blowdryers?

Even after gym?

I just can't walk around with untamed hair.

Do they understand how much work this level of beauty takes?

I just don't wake up like this!

-Come with me. -Where are we going?

To the top!

(school bell rings)

(clears throat) You are responsible

for chapters 15 through 17

of medieval history.

My teacher's assistant will pass out this week's assignments.

-Eli. -Ooh!

You really outdid yourself, Mr. B.

Mmm.

-Mr. Buckets? -Three chapters in one night?

That's a little excessive, don't you think?

You'll live.

Now on friday's t-- test--

-Mr. Buckets? -That's kind of an unofficial weekend day.

Nice try.

It will consist of essay que--

-Mr. Buckets? -How about multiple choice instead?

(clears throat)

As for the final presentation,

they're due Monday. Mr. Buckets?

-Monday's also kind of a weekend day. -(exasperated sigh)

See, according to my research, over-studying can lower brain activity,

cause undue stress, and even make someone crack.

Now if I can make a few suggestions,

study time should only be 15 minutes,

with 30-minute breaks in-between.

-Snacks included. -Mr. Buckets!

One more thing. Don't you think we should just

toss out the textbook and talk about our impression of history?

You students drive me crazy!

Year after year, you needle and needle, and you never let up!

You want things to be easy?

You want an easy peasy, weazy neezy class?

Okay, I'll give you easy.

Take careful notes now. Your ready?

I q-u-i-t...

Quit!

Did you get that, Eli?

(babbles, growls)

No blowdryers? Are we living in the dark ages?

Ms. Buckets. I assume you're upset with the new policy.

Oh, that's not her upset face.

You can't handle her upset face!

I'm sympathetic to your predicament,

but the school electrical system is old,

hair dryers blow fuses.

-But-- -I don't like this

any more than you do.

We all must bear the burden of suboptimal hair.

Goodbye.

-(door opens) -(wind gusts)

No way they'll get away with this.

-We'll fight them. -How?

Well, they want us to look grubby?

We'll give them grubby.

From now on, no showering. No washing,

-no toothbrushing. -Wait, you don't mean...

That's right. I'm starting a hygiene strike.

We'll get the whole school to join in.

Solidarity for hair dryers.

Wow, that's big.

Sometimes, Belinda,

you gotta fight dirty.

(sighs) Mr. Bostwick's car is gone.

Kirby, you did it, you made him quit!

Man, I'm getting itchy. I need structure.

I can't go this long without someone telling me what to do.

I'm gonna tell them we need a sub tomorrow.

Hold on, Eli.

What if we don't report this?

What if we keep having class without a teacher?

(panting) The whole room is spinning!

What if we have no teacher for the rest of the year?

We could have what every kid has ever dreamed of!

Well, almost every kid.

Just think about it.

We could have the whole class to ourselves.

It'd be a paradise. Come on, who's with me?

Oh, and by the way,

you never have to raise your hand in this room again.

This is our class now. Fourth period belongs to us!

-Yeah! -(kids cheering)

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whoo-hoo! Oh!

Oh, I love this new freedom!

Oh, that's not what we're doing?

Day two. My name is Kirby Buckets.

And I'm making this vlog to tell the world

about a new civilization we're starting in Forest Hills High.

It's a place without teachers where kids can really thrive...

-Build cool stuff... -Yeah.

-Do whatever Fish is doing. -I saw this at medieval magic.

-Check it out. -(clatters)

(sizzles)

Without being told what to do all the time,

we can make this place a paradise.

Namaste, ding dongs.

Ah! Paradise!

(grunts, slurps)

(nasally) Ah, paradise.

(sighs)

Kirby, my organs can't function without structure!

I can feel my liver over-secreting bile!

-I need someone in charge! -Eli, that's not so bad.

Your liver's just experiencing freedom.

And hey, you should too.

Whoa!

Mr. Bostwick's grade book?

-Who wants an "a"? -(kids cheer)

Substitute teacher request form.

"Kirby Buckets, a-plus-plus."

(grunts) We've got a problem.

Problem? There are no problems!

This is paradise!

I can even poke this sleeping jellyfish

without anything happening. See?

-(screams) -(school bell rings)

Join our hygiene strike! Our hair, our style choice!

(moans)

I want to talk to you about an issue that affects us all.

You left your locker open, and there's money in there...

And a laptop. Oh, come on. I don't smell that bad, do I?

(sniffs, coughs)

I so regret doing that.

What about me?

(sniffs) Eww! Eww.

How do we convince the school to join the strike now?

(wind blowing)

Actually, we only have to convince one person.

I never realized it before...

But stink can be a weapon.

(gags)

(barfing)

Collateral damage.

I'll take that substitute teacher request form.

(chuckles) This little thing?

Back off! I need me some structure!

Come on, Eli. Let us help you.

Good, good, good.

That was the first step on the road to recovery.

Does this road come with a map that tells you where to go and what to do?

Sorry.

Hi, Principal Mitchell. How is your day going?

Is there something I can help you with?

Wanted to check in and see if there's been any movement on the hair-dryer policy.

As you may have noticed, we're in the middle of a hygiene strike,

which, by the way, includes dental hygiene.

So we're gonna be around you all the time...

-Right under your nose... -Until you give us our hairdryers back.

Girls, I appreciate the effort.

I'm supposed to say that, because I'm the Principal.

Anyway, the answer is no.

So you might as well give up.

-Never! -(whirring)

(grunts) Oh no.

(grunts, laughs)

-Paradise, am I right? -(laughs)

Yo! The Principal is making his rounds.

If he sees Mr. Bostwick gone, we'll be history...

Class... Again!

Big Ricky, watch the door. Lucy, Ethel, get the games put away.

You guys put the desks back the way they were! Come on, people, let's move!

It's time for operation bost-wig.

Finally! Something specific to do!

Hurry up! Get the place back where it was!

You will be quizzed on this material tomorrow.

-Blah, blah? -(kids) blah, blah.

Hey, old man,

you seen Kirby around?

Also your wig's on crooked.

(door opens)

(dramatic music playing)

-He's gone. -We did it!

-(kids cheer) -Shh!

Be quiet or else he's gonna hear us!

We need to figure out some rules so that this doesn't happen again.

Kirb, take it easy, man.

I thought the whole point of not having a teacher

is there's no one to tell us what to do.

-Oh yeah? What would you do? -I don't know.

But this is medieval history, right?

We'll just do it how they did it back then,

no rules and no teachers, just total freedom.

I'm with that guy. Rules are the worst.

-Let's put him in charge! -(kids) Yeah!

(cheering)

Ah. A staring contest.

I can do that.

Hah! I win!

And I lose.

I need you two to settle this right now.

(school bell rings)

-Pick this up tomorrow? -Yeah, my eyes were sore, anyway.

(dramatic music playing)

You're gonna let me down after class, right?

Hey, boss, this kid's making fun of my fake fur.

-Can I take his lunch money? -Just because I said there's no rules,

-doesn't mean you get to-- -Boss said there's no rules. Hand it over.

That's not what I meant.

The desks are facing the wrong way!

Has the whole world gone crazy?

You got what you wanted. Happy?

At least there's no one telling us what to do.

-(cellphone rings) -Hey, guys, that's my phone.

Can someone just tell them I'll call back.

-(ringing continues) -(sighs)

Mmm! What are you having?

Is that broccoli? It's so...

-(sniffs) Stinky. -Mmm.

-Oh. -Where we going next?

I thought I could turn this class into a paradise.

But I was wrong.

If Principal Mitchell finds out what we're doing here,

I'm a dead man.

Wait, wait, wait! No!

Dude, that's my phone.

You're lucky I let you keep your underwear.

Just look what he did to mine.

(bubbling)

I see rows of well-behaved students,

all with good handwriting and people skills.

Guys, don't you think it's about time

we agree we need at least a few rules?

I wouldn't mind a few rules.

What? No way!

No one needs to be telling anybody else what to do.

And this place is perfectly fine with the honor system.

I'm with Kirby.

He can act like Vlad the Impaler for all I care.

At least he gives me structure.

-So what do we do now? -Fight to the death!

Sorry, that was inappropriate...

For someone in my position.

I've got an idea.

-We're gonna get medieval. -(kids) Yeah! Yeah!

Sounds like fun.

(wind gusts)

Principal Mitchell, I wanted to talk to you a bit more about...

(sniffs)

-Do you smell that? -(sniffs)

All I smell is you.

No.

That's a mix of argan oil and hair heat.

-You just did your hair. -Argan oil.

I'm impressed. You know your frizz fighters.

What's in the bag, Mitchell?

Principal stuff,

department of none of your business.

I can't take this anymore!

We haven't showered in three days!

We smell like foot! What's in the bag?

(gasps)

This is what this new rule is about?

You've been hoarding all the electricity for yourself?

This doesn't need to go any further than us three.

I suppose we could reach an understanding.

Don't you?

I wish you weren't doing this,

though I do appreciate having a structured task.

Okay, so the rules:

according to the textbook,

the object is to knock down the other jouster.

-That sounds kinda harsh. -(cracks)

You guys really want to do this?

I'm not gonna be the first to blink.

You just blinked.

It was a blink blink. It wasn't a fear blink.

Let's just joust.

-Yeah! Yeah! -(kids cheering)

Ahh!

Okay. I'm ready.

Let's joust!

(all shouting)

-(power whirs down) -(crashes)

(shouting, cheering stops)

Oops.

(clacks)

(groaning)

What were we thinking?

Medieval stuff... is definitely real.

I think you were right. We did need some rules.

-(sighs) -(door opens)

The authorities just found Mr. Bostwick

living in the Forest Hills library men's room.

Is it true he abandoned this class?

Mr. Bostwick had us re-enacting medieval history...

-As an assignment. -Oh. I see.

-Carry on. -Mmm.

Are you through driving me crazy?

-Yeah, I think I am. -Good.

Now it's my turn.

(laughing evilly)

Wait for it. Wait for it.

-(weapons clang) -(crowd gasps)

(laughs)

History, am I right?

(theme music playing)

-Let's do this. -(whistles)

I'm not the only one excited. (laughs)

You got what you wanted. Happy?

-(whispers) You have a line. -(whispers) I know.

♪ Hey ♪

Ooh. Wow. Where did I just go?

(boy) Yes!