Original subtitles

(Kirby) My name is Kirby Buckets,

and this is how I thought today was going to go.

See, I'm the new animator on this cool webzine,

and my cartoons were about to become famous.

Stand back!

Perpetrator coming through!

(Kirby) Unfortunately, this is how today went.

I just became the most notorious criminal Forest Hills High has ever seen.

(theme song playing)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

At last, I, Zip Zap, conqueror of galaxies,

have found the perfect specimen.

Oh, finally! Someone said it! I'm perfect.

(all laughing)

To the experimentation chamber.

I'll need a second set of instruments.

I have such mixed emotions.

(all) Oh!

I have mixed emotions about that, too.

Kirby, getting on the school webzine has brought your game to a new level.

I know. It's like being paid to make my own TV show.

Without actually getting paid or making a TV show.

You're going to be famous.

Everyone at school sees that webzine.

Kirby doesn't want fame.

That would be shallow.

He wants glory.

I'm thinking both.

I'm going to go turn this in. See you guys later.

Let me try.

How did you get so strong?

My mom's got a very stubborn panini press,

and she loves paninis.

Come here. I want to try something.

I want you to arm wrestle me.

Can't we just bond over video games?

Just do the best you can.

Don't worry if you can't...

Pin me.

Eli, you're amazing!

You could be a star athlete.

You know what that would make me?

No.

The best friend of a star athlete.

All of the perks, none of the pressure.

It's my dream to be in an entourage.

My mom says we're all a part of Mother Nature's entourage.

Smart woman.

I'm going to make you an arm-wrestling champ.

Well, I guess, if I can be a role model for good sportsmanship.

Do you, Dawn Buckets,

promise to uphold the office of class constable,

enforcing school law and bringing rule-breakers to justice,

though you may be called snitch, weasel,

tattler, loose lips, stool pigeon, rat face, and lame-o?

I do.

Here is your star.

Sorry. Budget cutbacks.

I never pegged you as someone who cared about law enforcement.

I have my reasons.

So, you're Carver, the new kid.

You know who I am?

Let me guess.

I don't care.

Ooh. Reputation earned.

I heard you got expelled from Edgemont.

Well, you're on probation now,

which means you have to report to the constable every day.

That's me.

Dawn Buckets, class constable.

I feel safer knowing your sister's constable.

Yeah, me, too. Now she's too busy to bother me.

Girls always go for the bad boys.

My brother Kurt says criminal activity produces a scent women can't resist.

With a scent like that, I could rule the galaxy...

Or make women like me.

I'm not very good with the ladies.

-What's going on? -Let's check it out.

We're going to be seeing a lot of each other.

Let's hope one of us doesn't fall in love. Ha!

Miss Buckets, time to earn that star.

TBC.

That's constable for "to be continued."

(students laughing)

-Excuse me! Sorry. -Excuse me! Sorry.

Wow, kirb. Nice work.

I didn't draw that.

Really? It's your style.

What does that mean?

Oh, that's French for...

There's a rule against defacing school property, Mr. Buckets.

Plus, it's rude.

But it wasn't me. I swear.

I suppose it just drew itself?

Now that's just crazy talk.

Unless you're talking about ghosts.

But I don't believe in ghosts.

You're hear that, ghosts?

Well, if you didn't paint it, then someone else did.

That's why he's the principal.

He's smart.

Miss Buckets.

I want you to catch the scofflaw who drew this.

It's Kirby.

And bring him to justice.

I think I can handle that.

Hey, Carver. Have you been naughty or nice?

I'm making my list, checking it twice.

Wait. Do you mean like Santa Claus?

Well, yeah. No. Never mind.

So I've taken a personal interest in your case,

and we should get together to discuss your progress.

Say, uh, the frozen yogurt place after school?

Do I have to?

No. Don't think of it as a have to.

Think of it as a want to.

Also, wear that T-shirt. It's so your color.

Wow. That is some portrait of you...

That I didn't draw.

Really? It's got Kirby written all over it.

Actually, it's got "Dawn" written on it.

Why don't I get my own portrait?

Am I not beautiful?

Take a picture. You know you want to.

You won't see me, Kirby, but I'll be watching you.

I'm on your case now.

When are you ever not on my case?

Whatever. I got webzine work to do.

Dawn, I know you're there.

I still know.

I still know.

Yep.

You can run, but you can't hide.

I wasn't running or hiding, but thanks for spelling that out.

Oh, this is not going to be good.

Mr. Buckets, you know the rules.

No one mocks the locks.

Principal Mitchell, I didn't draw that.

Then why did you sign it?

Clearly the sign of a lower life-form.

-(farting) -Brain fart.

This isn't mine.

You're off the webzine.

They'll need to find a new cartoonist.

Principal Mitchell, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Kirby didn't do it.

He couldn't have. I've been watching him every second.

How do I know you're not trying to protect your brother?

Hold on. I'm just trying to understand that question.

Oh, you thought-- that's funny. No, I want to see him burn.

But he really, really couldn't have done this.

This is a serious offense, but I suppose I need proof.

You have until three to solve this case.

Use my office.

Come up dry... You lose that star.

But my constable work.

I'm just about to nab my man.

I'm booted from the webzine?

I'm going to lose my Carver-- constable job.

This isn't happening. We have to find out who did this.

You mean, like, together?

Ew! Don't touch me!

-Ugh! -You put your hand out first.

We need to hurry, before they find another cartoonist for the webzine.

Okay, here are the suspects--

all the people who despise you other than me.

Wait. Mom and dad?

They love me.

You're so naive.

They've got M and M-- motive and the means.

So, what's your plan?

We'll play good cop, bad cop.

I'm thinking I should be bad cop.

It's the role you were born for.

(funk music playing)

Stand back, you hallway lowlifes!

Here comes the law.

Tell me what I want to know,

or I'll reach down your throat and kidney-punch your kidneys.

It says here that confession cleanses the body of unhealthy toxins.

There you go.

A little hot?

Well, it's going to get a lot hotter.

Or you can talk to me and all your pain will go away.

Ahh.

How about a little bubbly with your confession?

It's sparking cran-pome-grape juice.

(Kirby) Dawn?

Just sign it, man! She's crazy!

Hi, Carver. You're not a suspect, just a witness.

Have you noticed anything interesting, like a cute and accomplished girl?

No.

Step right up to face the arm of Forest Hills.

That arm is going to get us into so many parties.

I'm really sorry.

You'll bounce back from this.

You have your whole life ahead of you.

We can work together to heal you from this.

Yes!

Yeah!

We got confessions for cheating, cutting class,

and the Forest Hills jewelry heist.

-Not bad, Buckets. -Not bad yourself, Buckets.

But we still don't know who's trying to frame me.

We'll find them, little bro. We'll find them.

That's all, Helen?

Trust me, you do not want to get on my sister's bad side.

You know, working together isn't so bad.

I'm beginning to wonder...

How did we even become enemies?

I know this sounds weird, we actually used to like each other.

-No way. -Oh, yeah.

We even solved a crime together.

The case of the stolen Cheese Tibbies!

Right. I was, like, six.

They were mom's favorite snack.

We found out it was the kid next door.

Stubby McHale.

I remember. Hey, whatever happened to that kid?

(cellphone chimes)

The culprit struck again.

Let's roll.

(Fish) "Wrestle-teria!"

Don't miss Eli versus that really big senior kid.

Who will be arm-wrestling champion of Forest Hills?

Find out today, after school.

Fish, I've left a trail of broken hearts on the cafeteria floor.

I think it's time to stop.

What about my dream, Eli,

to be the main dude in your entourage?

Do you want my broken heart on the floor, too?

Interesting.

Flecks of paint, but just one color.

Huh. Look what we have here.

A French biking glove.

(cellphone chimes)

The webzine has a new cartoonist?

Jean Luc?

(in French accent) Where's my hamburger?

Just kidding. Hamburger, pew.

Oh, come on.

You call that animation?

Wait. A French biking glove.

Jean Luc! He's got M and M!

Motive and the means.

Uh-boof!

Take him.

Thought you were clever framing my brother

so you could be the new cartoonist.

You even did your own portrait to throw off suspicion.

I notice you're only wearing one biking glove.

What happened to the other?

Did you maybe leave it at the scene of the crime?

Uh-boof!

Mime in English!

Excuse me,

I'm afraid I'm the reason he wears just one glove.

You see, I hurt his hand, deeply.

He needs this glove to protect it.

The other one's in his backpack.

But...

That can't be.

I'm sorry, Jean Luc. You were wrongly accused.

And you, miss Buckets, turn in your star.

Actually, just throw it away. It's worthless.

(Dawn) Carver.

Have your parents in my office in the morning

so I can explain why you're being expelled.

And it would be nice to see them again.

Walk of shame. Walk of shame.

I've always wanted to be a police officer.

(Imitating siren)

Whoever is doing these portraits set us up...

And we fell for it.

I feel so dumb.

I thought we were supposed to be good at this.

I mean, we solved the case of the stolen Cheese Tibbies.

Actually, we didn't.

But Stubby did it.

I kind of stole them. They were so tasty.

Everyone knew that Stubby liked them, so I sort of framed him.

I know. I'm bad.

Really bad!

You probably ruined that kid's life all over some stupid cheese tib--

what are you doing?

Ew! That's gross.

Not if you like cheese.

I'd know that taste anywhere!

That's Cheese Tibbies dust.

So yummy.

Dawn, whoever's doing this like Cheese Tibbies as much as you do.

All we have to do is follow the cheese.

(Fish) Fish International presents...

"Wrestle-teria: Melee In The Cafe".

Two sports giants: Eli versus...

That really big senior kid.

Who will be the winner?

He came from a humble background, driven to win at all costs.

Actually, I think win or lose, we're all winners.

(Fish) Who wants to melee?

(cheering)

On this side of the table, Eli!

Yeah!

And on that side, that really big senior kid!

Okay, you all know the rules. Whoever pins his opponent's arm wins.

Arms ready?

And... go!

(coth grunt)

(retches)

Eli! Oh my god, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

My arm's still here.

Yes.

I just don't want to destroy any more lives.

Speaking of destroying lives...

Mr. Buckets, soon-to-be expelled students are not allowed in the cafeteria.

That's a rule I just made up.

Principal Mitchell, my brother is innocent.

He was framed.

(Kirby) That's right.

It was a perfect crime, but every criminal has his flaw.

And in this case, it was Cheese Tibbies.

Isn't that right, big senior kid?

Cheese dust--present at the scene of every crime.

(all gasping)

You are really big.

He's going to make your face look like mine.

Kirby? Yeah.

Cheese Tibbies is the official sponsor of Melee In The Cafe .

Kirby! Look! The culprit!

He's painting the mural!

Let me do that.

(crowd gasps)

Carver?

That's my delinquent name.

My real name...

(high-pitched) Is Stubby McHale!

You remember me?

You ruined my life!

That's Stubby?

After Kirby framed me for stealing the Cheese Tibbies,

my family had to move to another town, where I decided to become bad!

Then I got transferred here,

and I knew it was time to get back at Kirby for framing me.

As far as the glove? It fell out of my pocket.

I love French leather.

Such discerning taste.

Wait a minute. I didn't frame you for stealing the Cheese Tibbies.

Dawn told me you did before I moved!

You framed him?

And then framed me for framing him?

It's the Cheese Tibbies. They cloud your mind.

Stubby, Carver... whatever your name is--

Don't say it! I know!

I'm expelled!

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I'd have, uh...

I got to stop getting expelled.

I'll be back, Buckets.

Hi. Do you want my number? Just in case.

I'm not good with numbers.

Bad boy coming through!

Bye.

Look at what you did. He's gone now.

Hey, case solved, right, partner?

Boof?

No.

Well, miss Buckets, the constable job is yours again if you want it.

Pass. Somehow I don't care anymore.

And what about me and the webzine?

No go.

Jean Luc's cartoons are just so darn funny.

"Hamburger--pew."

(laughing)

You ruined the best relationship I almost had.

Keep your rat face out of my face, or you're going down.

I guess we're back to being enemies.

As it should be.

As it should be.

Excuse me? Big senior kid?

Sorry. I don't know your name.

You are?

"Big senior kid" is fine.

You sign that confession,

and I'll sign this limited edition Zip Zap coffee mug.

Keep your dirty lips off me.

What do you say?

I drew that.