Original subtitles

-(Kirby) Everybody needs a hero. -(TV turns on)

-Guys, the show's almost on. -(Kirby) My hero was Mac McCallister.

(announcer) Mac McCallister .

(Kirby) Former resident of Forest Hills and creator of the greatest show on TV.

You guys ready for some Big Bald Oaf ?

(both) So ready!

(announcer) Our regularly-scheduled program, Big Bald Oaf ,

will not be seen at this time. We now present our new series...

Dancing with Kitties!

Today, the Argentine tango with whiskers!

Oh no.

Look.

Big Bald Oaf's been cancelled?

-No! Why? Why? -(crying)

(grunting)

(kitty meows)

(theme song playing)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

Hey, Kirb.

You want Bologna again or whatever's in the mystery dish?

Could be pasta. Could be cake.

You don't know. Could be fun.

Who cares?

If I like it, some dancin' kitties would just take it away.

-It's how the world works. -What's wrong with your brother?

He's just upset because his big hairless loser show got cancelled.

Isn't that right? Is baby upset? Because baby can't have a bottle?

Hmm? Huh? Hmm?

(quacking)

(scoffs) Great.

I'm so upset, I can't even imagine right.

Hey, you know what?

I've got something that might help cheer you up.

You join my musical theater group.

Oh, I've got 10 words for you--

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'hoole: The Musical.

(laughs) What do you say?

Tempting, but I think I'm gonna pass.

You'll come around.

Few can resist the pull of musical... ♪ theater ♪

That's a little flat, right?

♪ Thea--theater ♪

Mmm. You just go--

(babbles)

♪ Musical theater! ♪

Oh wow. That felt good.

(Eli) Are you serious?

(Fish) Oh, come on, Eli. You can't really think that.

I'm not saying should've been canceled.

I'm just saying maybe the dancing kitties aren't the enemy?

I don't even know you anymore.

Wait a minute. You like Dancin' With Kitties ?

I tried it, I enjoy it,

and Eli nation agrees with me.

You think we can let that one go?

-I don't think we can. -And what is Eli nation?

They're my online followers.

They live for raw, unfiltered glimpses into my life.

Hey, I don't think the nation has seen that scab yet.

-(phone camera clicks) -I don't know about Eli,

but if I can't watch Big Bald Oaf , I'm not gonna watch anything.

You're not serious.

-Do you mean? -Oh yeah.

Total television boycott.

That's crazy talk! No kid has ever done that.

It's like my brother Kurt says:

If a man can't breathe, he's not gonna eat.

(school bell rings)

Yeah, I'd love to be famous,

-but half of these-- -Dawn, you have--

Belinda, I'm talking. Like I was saying,

half these online video stars are just faking it for publicity.

Can you say super desperate?

I'm sorry, but that is not me. I've to a little thing called dignity.

Now what was so important you needed to interrupt me?

You have a spider in your hair.

(screaming)

I think it went into your bag, probably to lay an egg!

Yeah.

(laughing)

Any one of you would have done the same thing faced with a vicious spider!

I think it may have been less of a spider...

More of a piece of lint.

You know, I've been thinking about it.

So what if Big Bald Oaf got cancelled?

I mean, Mac's a genius.

I'm sure whatever show he's working on is gonna be even better than Oaf.

No way.

(announcer speaks flatly) Mac McCallister.

Maybe his new show is about living in an alley,

and he's doing research.

Mr. McCallister, are you okay?

Kirby.

What happened? Why did they cancel Big Bald Oaf ?

The network told me I couldn't make any more chili jokes,

because they no longer think chili is funny.

-They didn't! -They did,

so I responded in a way I thought was appropriate.

(laughing hysterically)

How about that?

And that was it.

Without my show, I don't know what to do.

I can't feel anything anymore.

I didn't even feel this fork I stepped on on the way over here.

-(scrapes) -Ow!

-Hm-mm. -No. I'm good.

-Yup. Anywho... -(clatters)

I'd better get back to this cardboard box I've been living in.

After 6:00 P.M., I have to fight a raccoon for it.

Wait. Aren't you still rich?

Yeah.

Brother, can you spare some chili?

My bowl's been empty since Mac stopped drawing me.

You gotta help me!

Guys, we gotta get Big Bald Oaf back on the air.

(Eli) Bowl of chili?

Hey, do you have a moment to talk about Oaf today?

Oh! You over there.

Complimentary bowl of chili?

We also have a petition to sign.

(sighs)

-Any luck? -Well, I got one signature--

Mr. Hugh Ja-butt.

Wait. Hugh's on vacation.

Man, if we don't reach more people soon,

Big Bald Oaf is gonna be as forgotten as the ancient Neo-babylonians.

Why are you talking like that?

Ever since I quit TV,

my mind is sharper and free to pursue other interests, like robotics.

This is just a basic prototype.

(beeps)

But I'm working on something bigger.

Wow. That's impressive.

But if it's more people we need, I can get Eli nation on it.

No offense, Eli, but a handful of online weirdos

isn't gonna make much of a difference.

You'd be surprised how effective 300,000 followers can be.

-How many followers did you just say? -300,000.

Hey, can you get a picture of me giving a thumbs up?

(hesitantly) Okay.

(clicks)

(school bell rings)

Thanks for coming, Mr. McCallister.

I just thought maybe being back at your old school,

and talking to a class might help cheer you up, you know?

Yeah, whatever.

Gotta be somewhere, right?

Hmm.

(laughs) Old bandage.

It's in here.

So about what happened yesterday with the backpack...

Please, let's just not talk about it. I'm sure by now it's a distant memory.

-Yeah, the thing is... -(kids laughing)

Um, what's all that about?

Well, kids are calling it "dawning,"

and it's sort of exploding on the Internet right now.

-(Dawn) "Dawning"? -It's when you post a video of yourself

flailing around like a weirdo and freaking out on a backpack.

You know, like you... Never mind.

Belinda, this is awful.

There's a ton of "dawning" videos on here.

I'm an epic fail.

Well, that's one way to look at it.

Or... (laughs)

Yeah, no. It's the only way to look at it.

I guess what I'm saying is...

Stay in school, because once you graduate,

you gotta get a job.

I tried to do something fun.

Now look at me.

I'm a grown man who woke up in a cardboard box today

spooning a raccoon.

(kids laughing)

Sure. You can throw things at me if you want.

-Oh yeah! -(screams)

What? Mac said it was okay.

Yeah, you.

Have you ever gotten to meet the kitties from Dancin' With Kitties ?

Dancin'... With Kitties ?

My favorite's Diego. He's such a bad boy.

I even have the Diego backpack, see?

Honestly, I don't know what people even watched on television

before Dancin' With Kitties .

-(tapping) -(chuckles)

I hate Dancin' With Kitties !

-No! Diego, no! -Gimme it!

(shouting)

Is this what you want?

(mockingly) Oh, I'm a dancing kitty!

Meow, meow, meow!

(hissing)

Come on.

Big mistake.

I think that went well.

I think you need help.

(Dawn) What's one thing we know about the Internet, Belinda?

That it's run by little elves who look things up for you.

I like to pretend.

No, that it has a short attention span.

People will get bored of me the second we find something else

for them to make fun of. Trust me.

Oh. Did you guys see that?

-Ross spilled juice on his shirt! -(Belinda laughs)

Drink much, Ross?

And I got it all on my phone. We should all start doing that!

"Rossing!" Am I right?

-(Belinda laughing) -"Rossing."

So, no "rossing"?

Oh. Okay.

You may want to check this out.

-It's got almost a million views. -(Mac shouting on phone)

(Belinda) They're calling it "celebrity dawning."

So Kirby and his loser TV hero

think they can make a mockery out of me, do they?

Well, we'll see about that.

(laughter)

(Kirby) Come on, just draw something.

You're Mac McCallister.

What's the point?

Without Oaf, I've got nothing to draw for.

That's not true. Here, check this out.

Oaf wants you to draw again. See?

-That's not how you draw Oaf. -Yeah?

Then why don't you show me?

(sighs) Fine.

I see what you're doing, okay?

You can forget it. It's not gonna work.

Just draw me some chili, please.

I'm not even big anymore.

Just bald.

And honestly, I think I've started to grow my hair back.

-Big news, guys. -Tell 'em, Eli.

Garbage man Dale found this wig in the trash--

What? No! The other big news.

Oh. Right.

Eli nation is sponsoring a chili cook-off to save Big Bald Oaf ,

and the network is flying some executives out for it.

We've got a chance to save the show.

Eli, that's amazing! How'd you pull it off?

Eli nation has a powerful voice.

And I sent the network a few detailed charts and graphs

showing why bringing the show back makes perfect business sense for them.

What? I quit TV. Now I'm smarter.

So, still, that's crazy they would fly all the way to Forest Hills.

Well, we sort of had to promise them something.

Yeah? Like what?

(Eli) Umm...

A personal apology from you for dumping chili on their heads?

(laughs) Absolutely not!

-But why not? -Those hacks tell me

that chili isn't funny and you expect me to apologize to them?

If you're anti-chili, you're anti-Oaf.

Real Oafers would know that.

Excuse me.

But this is our only chance to save the show.

Then I suggest you start looking for a new favorite show.

(growling)

-(screams) -(roars, hisses)

Mac.

This cannot be happening.

We're so close to getting Big Bald Oaf back on the air.

-Yeah, but on the plus side... -(beeps)

I'm getting pretty good at robotics.

(Oaf) So this is goodbye, huh?

Do me a favor--remember me for my dignity and grace.

(belches)

(smacks lips, sighs)

Memories of chilies past.

Guys, we are not losing Big Bald Oaf .

That show has always been there for us.

Now it's time for us to be there for it.

Nothing is gonna stop us, not even Mac.

Hey, Eli, are those network executives still coming to the chili cook-off?

As far as I know, but how are we gonna get Mac to apologize?

Hey, Kirb, just heading out to rehearsal

at the... ♪ musical theater ♪

♪ Nailed it ♪

(chuckles, humming)

Guys, I think I have an idea.

(beeps, whirring)

Excuse me, Eli. I'm a big fan. Can I get your autograph?

Kind of in the middle of something here.

Eli, that's NBA Star Chandler Parsons.

That guy's amazing.

No, Fish, he's a member of Eli nation.

We're all equals.

Kind of in the middle of something here, Chandler Parsons.

Oh. Okay.

You wanna try my triple-double chili?

It's got 10 cans of beans, 10 lbs of meat,

and 10 bottles of hot sauce.

-Chandler! -(Chandler) Okay, okay.

I'll give you your space.

Chandler, don't leave.

-All right, let's make this quick. -(cellphone beeps)

I rescheduled a haircut for this.

-Where's Mac? -(Kirby) Right over here.

Hello, I'm Mac... Which you already knew.

Mac? But... I'd heard you were in rough shape,

but jeez, you really let yourself go.

I'm glad that you finally decided to talk to us.

Yeah, I've been very selfish recently. I wanted to apologize.

Kinda went a little chili crazy there for a minute.

-(chuckles) -Well, I can see you're sincere...

And you really do look terrible, man.

But I think you can put all this...

I've searched the depths of my soul

trying to figure out why I did what I did.

Was it my childhood?

Or is there a darkness deep inside of me?

It makes me want to...

♪ Break out in song ♪

That's our Mac. (chuckles)

So there you have it.

We film a video of Kirby getting humiliated at the stupid chili cook-off,

and then presto, everyone forgets about "dawning."

And did I mention that Kirby needs to get humiliated?

Totally. (laughing) Kirby's the worst.

-What are you doing? Let me see that. -No (sighs).

-(shouting) -(rock music playing)

Seriously? You too?

I'm sorry. I've never been part of a craze before.

It's exhilarating.

-(chuckles) -(squeals)

(clatters)

Oops.

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ I'm so sorry ♪

(sniffles)

Well, that's... That's big-- big of you, Mac.

Hey, suit!

What are you doing in my town?

I did not authorize this meeting!

But... who's this?

-What--what is going on? -Who is this imposter?

I am Mac McCallister.

Well, there's no way to tell who's who, so I think we should just go home,

he apologized, so maybe move on, forget this, and...

(rips)

-(sighs) -Sorry, I just really love theater.

(sighs)

Wait. So you didn't call us here to apologize?

Absolutely not.

What would I possibly have to apologize for?

You dumped chili on me!

(laughs) Yeah.

Because chili is hilarious!

I see.

We're done here.

Wait! No, you can't leave! What about Big Bald Oaf ?

There is no more Big Bald Oaf !

(crowd murmuring)

You heard him. There is no more me.

(Oaf) Ow!

Wait! (sighs)

It's time for plan C.

-Plan C? -Are you sure?

We have no other choice.

(dramatic music playing)

Okay, well, at least this chili isn't hot.

-Now hit me. -Okay, if you say so.

-More. -(crowd laughing)

I don't get this. What's happening?

Chili's happening, Bob.

This is for Oaf!

Chili!

Sorry. Just doesn't do it for me.

(crowd whispering)

(door opens)

Kirby, I'm gonna drop so much chili on you.

-(robot whirring) -(screaming) Spider!

(laughing)

It's that--that terrible "dawning" girl from the Internet!

-(crowd laughing) -And she's covered in chili!

I know! It's hilarious!

Kirby!

(grunting)

Mac... you were right.

Chili's funny!

(laughing) Yes!

-So we're square? -Not even close.

(grunts)

(belches) Hey, Kirby.

You know what to do.

Would this help?

(crowd laughing)

(laughing) Yes!

-Yes! -Chili!

Chili!

(announcer) Mac McCallister .

-Yeah. -Yup.

Now we're square.

(belches)

Well, now that Oaf's back on the air, I'd better be getting back to Hollywood.

I don't know how to thank you boys enough for all your help.

One idea: You could hire me on your show as an animator.

Well, maybe someday, kid.

Keep drawing.

Hey, be sure to convey my gratitude to all of Eli nation.

Already done. The nation gets antsy if I don't update them every 20 minutes.

Of course.

I gotta say, I'm glad BBO's back on the air,

but I'd rather not compromise my newfound intelligence

by indulging in childish entertainment.

(laughs)

I totally got you guys. Of course I'm gonna go back to TV.

Plus my robot's getting creepy.

I think it watches me sleep.

(beeping, whirring)

Well, I better be off.

Here. I found this in my parents' house.

It was the very first animation cell from the first episode of Big Bald Oaf .

-Mac, this is too much. -It's yours, kid.

Guys, look at this.

-It's the first animation cell! -Dude!

Actually, I don't think I should be giving this away.

It's my first animation cell from Big Bald Oaf and everything.

Sorry. I'll send you something really nice, though. Promise.

Musical... ♪ Theater ♪

I'm just--I'm going up the scale just to find it, just exploring.

You gotta let your voice explore.

-Perfect. -(gags)

(vocalizes)

-(camera phone clicks) -Here you go.

Wow. That was a quick 2,000 likes.

-(clatters) -Oops.

-(mimics punch) -(laughs)

What?

(coughs)