Original subtitles

(busy tone)

(busy tone)

(phone ringing)

-(DJ) This is Power 99! Who's this? -No way!

I got through? This is Kirby Buckets.

(DJ) Well, Kirby, you've just won tickets to Zantron's Z3 Video Game Convention.

(Kirby) The Z3 Video Game Convention.

There are more games than you can possibly imagine.

I always dreamt that one day,

I'd get to play all of them with my two best friends.

There was just one problem with that.

(DJ) So, who's the one lucky friend who gets to go with you?

Well, of course, I'll take...

Uh-oh.

(DJ) Well, I hope you and "uh-oh" have a great time!

(theme song playing)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

On the one hand, I've known Fish two days longer than Eli.

But on the other hand, Eli and I are both Capricorns,

but Fish loves video games, and Eli loves conventions.

How old do you have to be to have a midlife crisis?

Look, Kirb, we understand you can only take one of us. So...

You guys are gonna be at Z3, too?

-Of course you are. -Wait, why are you going?

Because some of us have to work to get the things we want.

Whatever. Good luck with your huge decision.

(scoffs)

(sighs)

(Fish) Just pick one.

No hard feelings, we promise.

Go with Eli. Just look at that face.

Those are mustache-bearing lips.

I say go with Fish.

Remember when he took you to that all-you-can-eat buffet?

There were three types of chicken teriyaki there, Kirby.

Three. You owe him.

Ah!

This is an incredibly tough decision.

On the one hand, I could take Fish.

(sighs)

(phone camera clicks)

Z3, Fish.

Drink it in.

There's 123 games here.

It's like a beautiful rainbow, but better, 'cause it's not a stupid rainbow.

It's video games.

(Tri-Butt) I like this kid's spunk.

Let the 123 games begin!

I told you Fish was the right move.

No one's ever made it through every single game here before.

We'd be famous.

Hey, why get famous playing video games when we can get famous making one?

You think we'll get to meet Larry Zantron today?

Larry Zantron?

The billionaire founder of Z3 Larry Zantron?

Yeah, I think he's a little busy.

For most people, maybe, but, uh...

I've got an idea for a game I think he's gonna want to make time for.

Whatever, let's play Call Of Carnage.

(rock music plays)

-(record scratches) -(music rewinds)

This is an incredibly tough decision.

I mean, I could take Eli.

(phone camera clicks)

Z3, Eli.

Drink it in.

-There's 123 games here. -(inhales and exhales)

Smells like corndogs and pizza grease.

(Octo-Stache) Good choice with Eli.

And remind me not to itch my nose with my shoulder.

Ow! That was not smart.

Dude, did you know no one's ever made it through

every game here before?

If we did it, we'd be famous.

That sounds great, Kirby.

I'm also hoping to visit the Other Life booth.

Other Life?

It's that online game where it's like real life,

only on a computer and it's not real life.

They should have a booth here.

Whatever.

Let's play Call Of Carnage.

-You Dawn? -Yes, you must be...?

"Keith," with a letter "C."

all lowercase with the numeral three, instead of the "E."

(hesitantly) That's not at all weird.

So what am I doing? Just passing out flyers?

-I see that you're female. -Yeah, since birth.

We don't get a lot of girls applying. I might have a special job for you.

Follow me.

As long as it pays. The whole reason I'm doing this job

is because I really want to buy this super amazing hat.

-Mute. -What?

I just hit mute on your obviously boring hat story.

(Fish) I'm telling you, Kirby, Zantron's gonna love it.

My idea is the most epic video game ever.

It combines elements of all types of games.

Zombies, RPG's, zombie shooters, zom-PG's, RP-shooters, and racing.

It's like everything you need all in one game.

Exactly.

I call it Shoo-zombie-racer-ey.

The title's still a work in progress.

Finished. (chuckles)

(sighs)

(Kirby) So let me see if I get this.

In this Other Life game, you have your own house,

a car, a job, and a dog?

Oh, yeah. And a wife.

A wife?

Her name's Nancy.

We met working together

on our virtual job for global environmental damage incorporated.

Though, we've never actually met in person.

Problem is, being a gazillionaire's gonna put me in a whole new tax bracket.

You should probably watch the road.

You hit another ditch puppy.

-(puppy barks) -Oh.

Problem is, a healthy online marriage takes time.

And I have a lot of homework.

Also, Nancy can be difficult.

I wish there was some way I can end it.

Please drive faster, Eli.

We can't move on till you finish the race.

Safe driving is its own reward.

We've been here 20 minutes and we're still on the first game!

Since we are low on ladies,

you'll be playing the part of Axe Girl.

I'll be what, now?

From the wildly popular video game Knights VS. Axe Girl.

She's an axe-wielding warrior princess who says things like,

"Stop attacking me."

"Ouch!"

And, "Your sword is no match for my axe."

Can't I just hand out convention maps?

Do you want the job or not?

Well, at least Axe Girl's kind of cool.

She's not.

Okay, I think if we zip through all the games in Asteroid Alley,

we can make up a lot of time.

That's him.

(Fish laughs) That's Larry Zantron.

The Larry Zantron, Kirby.

Fish, where are you going?

When else am I gonna get the chance to pitch him my video game?

I know this looks bad, but my money is still on Fish.

Now, on a scale from super to stupendous,

how do my butts look in this zero-gravity spacesuit?

If we're gonna set the record,

we really gotta start making up for lost time.

Kirby!

It's the Other Life booth!

But what about the games and being famous?

Fame is fleeting, Kirby.

And I need virtual accessories.

(sighs) I think I picked the wrong friend.

Very minor setback, but Fish is still the right choice.

Me forgetting to use baby powder

in these zero-gravity space undies was not.

I say Eli is still the right choice, just like my costume.

Ah! Why does this keep happening?

(sighs)

Whoa!

Check out all the special edition furniture.

Do I need another virtual ottoman?

I think I do.

This is such a rush.

Yeah, that's great. Can we get back now?

We still have a lot of games to play.

It's like I always say, the only thing this game doesn't have

is a virtual other life for your character to play.

An other "other life."

(giggles)

Get it?

That's her.

What are you talking about? Who?

My wife, Nancy.

Wishing she had an other other life is her favorite joke.

Huh? Small fake world.

What do you say we talk about this over the 122 games we still have to play?

This is a sign, Kirby.

I think the universe is telling me that it's finally time to end it.

Great. What are you waiting for?

I don't think I can do this, but it really should be done in person.

But I really hate giving people bad news.

What am I gonna do?

This is gonna go a lot faster if I do it for you, isn't it?

Most likely.

Okay then. Be back in a sec.

Uh, Kirby.

Please let her down easy.

She can be a little emotional.

Okay. Keep that in mind.

Mr. Zantron! Wait, wait, please!

Oh, man, I'm your biggest fan.

Hardly.

Some of my fans are actual human giants.

Well, can I tell you my game idea?

Oh, yeah. I'm sure they're really good.

-I'd love to hear them. Shoot. -It's about--

Psyche. I don't listen to ideas because they're awful.

Always.

But this one's a tactical zombie RPG shooter racer game.

That's like everything you need all in one game.

Exactly.

I've got it all laid out right here.

I'll take a look at that. Thank you.

So can we start talking money?

Absolutely. Here.

This is my card.

You give me a ring, and we'll talk cha-ching.

Okay?

Fish!

Did you see that?

Larry Zantron likes my game idea.

I am OMW, on my way, Kirby.

So when I'm rich,

you want the guest house, the pool house, or the guest pool house?

(Tri-Butt) Ooh, I knew Fish was the right choice.

Dibs on the guest pool house!

I love to swim.

After all, I have my own built-in floaties.

(laughs)

Fish... about the card.

"You've been Zantron'd"?

(Kirby) You didn't give him your notebook, did you?

Knights VS. Axe Girl.

Oh, hey, there. Do you guys like "Knights VS. Axe Girl"?

Do you want Axe Girl's autograph?

It's all worth it.

Remember your hat.

Your beautiful, new hat.

Stop attacking me!

Ouch!

Oh, Eli, I can't believe it's really you.

I know. What are the odds? I, Eli, meeting you,

Nancy, my wife. From my Other Life like this.

Eli, there are so many things I want to tell you about myself.

-I don't know where to begin. -Then I'll just jump in first.

I really like crime shows, and I collect cardboard boxes.

Not 'cause I like boxes, 'cause I respect boxes.

The world would be in trouble without boxes.

Think about it.

Okay. (chuckles)

And that's where babies come from...

in my new video game Zombie Babies.

You're welcome.

-We should go. -No, dude.

First, we're gonna get your notebook back.

Hey, you just got a phone call.

Your house is on fire.

I couldn't really make out much over all the sirens.

Yeah, I should probably get back to that convention, too.

After all, it is my convention.

-All right. -Hey, everybody.

I'm your substitute moderator,

Bucky Kirbits.

Oh, what a terrible name.

You do know your name's Tri-Butt, right?

What's up, Bucky?

So, I think we all can agree

that we want to hear more from the genius that is Larry Zantron.

Am I right or am I right?

I'd have to say that you are right.

I am the Christmas morning of human beings.

Let me tell you all a story of a brave warrior

and the coyote that saved his life.

Spoiler: I'm the brave warrior, and I'm also the coyote.

Think about that.

This hat is amazing.

So what if Mandy McDaniels says, "Hats aren't in right now."

Guess what, Mandy? There's a new trendsetter in town.

Dawn Buckets is going to bring hats back.

You guys, again.

You guys are quite the smooth talkers. You know that?

Okay, guys. I'm kind of on a break right now.

Do you know what that means?

That's it!

You want a piece of the Axe Girl?

You got it.

And that's how I semi-invented

a little thing you may have heard of called the Internet.

-So many ideas for games. -Yeah.

-Where do you come up with them? -I think of them.

All up here...

in my brain box.

They're brewing right now. Ooh. A new one just got born.

So, I think we all can agree

that Larry Zantron, president of Zantron Gaming Industries,

is the biggest...

Smartest, richest...

sleaziest, idea-stealing dirtbag that ever lived!

(audience gasps)

Got it.

Hey!

Security!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Oh, and I like words that start with "D."

Like "Defibrillator."

Isn't that a great word?

-I-- -And... "dandelion."

-Nancy, I want a divorce! -(gasps)

You want a--

Hey, it starts with "D," right?

Security!

Those boys stole Zantron property.

Everybody having fun?

(shouting) You want a divorce?

After all the gold credits I invested in us?

Yeah, sorry about that.

Listen, I got a lot of video games to go play, so I'll just--

(screams)

(grunts)

(groans)

She can be a little emotional?

Hey, wait for me!

Oh my God, sorry.

Dead end!

It's locked!

Game over, thief whose name I don't know.

What?

Game over, Eli.

"Your sword is no match for my axe!"

That's one scary Axe Girl.

Let's go!

Axe Girl's gonna get you!

Or not.

So, I'm guessing Nancy didn't take the news well.

Ya think?

Come on, let's split up.

"Your sword is no match for my axe."

(shouts)

Dawn!

-What are you doing? -I know this looks bad.

But if you think about it,

I'm just hitting little kids with a plastic axe.

-That sounds bad too. -(emphatically) You are fired.

But what about my hat?

I need that money!

That's it! That's the exact hat I want!

You know what? I'm good.

Nice getaway, Kirby.

I mean, Eli.

Nancy, I've been looking for you.

You break up with me just like that?

I ought to pepper spray you.

You do know that's breath spray, right?

It'll still hurt.

Nancy!

If you're gonna breath spray someone, it should be me.

For I am Eli, your husband and coworker

at Global Environmental Damage Incorporated.

Oh. It is you.

Eli to the rescue!

He was definitely the right choice.

I'm full of good choices today.

Just look at me.

Kirby, would you give us a minute?

Take an hour.

No, seriously, do that.

Nancy, my friend Kirby came to break the Z3 record

and play every game.

If you let him do that,

I'll agree to stay married.

Eli, am I really that bad an online wife?

Oh, you're worse.

Sometimes, you all cap me, because I leave dishes in the sink.

How hard is it to wash them before you shut off your computer?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I guess I can be pretty angry.

And I can be pretty sloppy.

Hm.

I'm not sure, but did we just make up?

I think we did. (humphs)

See you back at the virtual house.

See ya.

A-ha-ha! Not so fast!

I'll take that notebook now.

It's not yours, Zantron.

(mockingly) "It's not yours, Zantron."

That's what you sound like, and it's terrible.

Nancy, put these two losers in convention jail.

No! Mr. Zantron, my friend has been

dreaming of playing all 123 games here for months.

And I've been messing it up for him all day.

See, what'd I tell you? Fish was the right choice.

He's got sportsmanship, showmanship, one-ups-manship.

All the manships!

Well, there's an easy solution.

Isn't there?

Fish, no, don't give it to him.

Listen, the last person who didn't let me win...

died...

of natural causes...

and it was unrelated, but still...

You were there for me, Kirb.

(sighs)

You boys have fun at the convention.

Be sure to give us positive feedback online.

You could win a coupon.

But you won't.

Why did you do that?

I realized something.

Larry Zantron, the Larry Zantron, wanted to steal my game.

That means someone important likes my ideas,

and I've got so many of them,

I know I'm coming up with something better.

-Fish? -Yeah.

I think I'll take that pool house now.

All yours, buddy.

-(laughs) -All yours.

(both) Sorry you didn't get to play all the games.

I bet you wish you'd taken...

-Eli, huh? -Fish, huh?

-(record scratches) -(rewinds)

(Fish) Look, Kirb,

we understand you can only take one of us. So...

You guys are gonna be at Z3, too?

Of course you are.

Wait, why are you going?

Because some of us have to work to get the things we want. Whatever.

Good luck with your huge decision.

-(sighs) -Just pick one.

No hard feelings. We promise.

This is an incredibly tough decision, but...

I think both of you should go.

Wait, so you're not going?

But you really wanted to win those tickets.

I think this is gonna be for the best.

(Fish) Thanks, Kirb.

I'm hoping to run into Larry Zantron.

I'm dying to pitch him my new game idea.

(Eli) I hope they have an Other Life booth.

It's such a great game, and you meet the most interesting people.

Have fun at Z3, guys.

See you later, Eli.

-Fish, good luck, man. -Thanks, man.

Now he listens.

Where would he be without us?

I know, we've been telling him to bring Fish and Eli the whole time.

(Fish) "You've been Zantron'd"?

(chuckles)

You got Zantron'd, too.

That guy, he stole my idea a couple of years ago.

Yeah, it was my life story

back when me and my brother, Luigi, used to fix sinks.

He made millions.

I make about $7 an hour.

But don't worry about me. My life's great!

Just drop the card on the floor, I'll sweep it up.