Original subtitles

I just can't help the feeling like I'm forgetting something, you know?

Like there was something I'm supposed to do today.

Really? No clue?

Okay, everyone. It is time to turn in your submissions for art-mageddon.

I hope they're all ready I'm not taking any late entries.

Stall!

(Kirby's voice) Art-mageddon.

The massive student art fair that also counts for half of my grade.

In a situation like this, a lesser man might panic.

But not me. You know why?

Number one: I'm the best artist I know.

And number two:

I know that my friends will always be there to have my back.

I've always said that there's an art to choosing your friends.

And lucky for me, I'm awesome at art.

(rock music playing)

(dramatic music plays)

(theme music playing)

(man) ♪ hey ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ hey ♪

-Hi. -Ah!

Please tell me you saw the Big Bald Oaf finale last night?

I need to talk to somebody about it!

I watched it, I enjoyed it.

Oh, good.

First of all, how funny was it when oaf takes that gerbil and puts it in his...

Guys, I got rejected from art-mageddon!

Can you believe that?

-What? -You did sort of whip it up

at the last minute.

Yeah, we got rejected. You don't see us complaining.

But I'm the best artist in school.

I mean, I deserve to be in art-mageddon.

Besides, it's... It's not that bad, right?

(meows) I think I'm purrrty!

Come on, Kirby, you have to admit,

it's not your best work.

Whose side are you guys on, anyway?

I'm gonna be at the S and P, where friends hang out.

So if you see my friends, please let them know.

Back to Big Bald Oaf.

I fell off my chair when oaf asked his neighbor to smell his...

-We need to talk. -Like, to each other?

This has to be fake, right?

I mean, you couldn't really be a model. That's just not possible.

(dance music plays)

No, that's real.

And it's a chapter of my life I don't like to talk about.

Eli, do you know what that means?

It means that you need to help me become a model!

Trust me, Dawn, you don't wanna be a model.

It'll eat away at your soul.

I realized the entire industry is built on selling lies.

They make you wear a winter coat when it's summer.

You pretend food is delicious when it's really only so-so.

This "cool and moody Eli"? I was cool that day, but I was not moody.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Got it. So you gonna help me or not?

I don't really have a choice, do I?

Aw, you're learning.

Why the long face, Buckets?

My friends think I don't deserve to be in the art-mageddon.

Well, let me tell you, when the real armageddon comes,

you're not gonna be so worried about friends.

'cause there won't be any friends.

Let me go get you a hot dog.

Well, I still think my drawing is good.

Ugh! If my face wasn't always like this,

-you'd see I'm disgusted. -Not your best work.

I'm your best work!

Now, that is a great possum drawing.

-It's a cat. -Oh.

Still though, great job.

Not according to my art teacher.

I just got rejected from this year's art fair.

Let me guess: Mrs. Statsky? Mm-hm.

I had her. That hack doesn't know what she's talking about.

I'm Shard, by the way.

-Um, Kirby. -Nice to meet you, Kirby.

So why'd she reject it?

She said I didn't work hard enough on it.

Oh, pshhh! And you believed that?

Well, my friends kind of said the same thing.

Mm, are your friends...

Artists?

Not really.

Oh, then they know even less than old lady statsky.

Let me tell you something, that drawing is primal.

Spon-taneous.

It's like a statement on the futility of art fairs, you know?

Uh, I guess?

In fact, I know a bunch of people who would agree.

What are you doing right now? Wanna meet your new "be fries"?

Best friends. Trust me, you do.

And then big bald oaf pulled out

the funniest thing I have ever seen.

Two words: chili pinata.

(laughing)

Ow, it hurts. Ow.

(laughs)

(frog) Say cheese! Whoo-hoo! Come on, banana!

Huh.

No worse than what Eli usually has to say.

I like you, frog.

You wanna talk about Big Bald Oaf?

Yeah, 'cause, like, when he took the chili,

he just poured it all over the guy.

-Where are we? -You'll see.

(Man over intercom) Password?

"There is no password."

(whispers) That's the password.

-(Man) No, we changed it. -Oh, right. Um...

-"Who arted?" -(lock buzzes)

(banging)

Welcome to your new world.

So all these people are artists?

Oh, yeah. We're just a bunch of like-minded souls

brought together by a need to create something magical.

We think it's really important for artists to be surrounded

by other artists, you know?

(rock music playing)

Smashing loaves of bread is art?

Absolutely. High art.

(banging)

Hey, why don't you show everybody your possum drawing?

-It's a cat. -Eye of the beholder, Kirby.

(laughs) Everyone! Check this out!

Mrs. Statsky rejected that from this year's art fair.

But that's a perfect statement on the futility of art fairs!

That is what I said. You see, Kirby?

Now you're around people who get it.

Real art is all about opening yourself up

and setting yourself free. Like Shlomo over there.

We don't actually know how he got here, we just found him here one day,

blowing bubbles and doing tai chi.

So dope.

Hey, make us some art.

-Like, right now? -(Shard) Oh, yeah. Yeah, just do anything.

First thing that comes to your head.

Okay. Bold choice, black. Black is what he went with.

Half of me says amazing, but the other half says incredible.

Am I art?

Now that... Is art!

-(applause) -So art!

Whoo-hoo! I could be anything!

But I'm not.

We're all about to go help Gideon with his film project.

You want in?

(cellphone ringing)

Absolutely.

Huh.

No answer from Kirby.

(Frog) Good night, like a noodle.

Oh, come on, don't say that.

I'm sure he has a perfectly good reason for not picking up his phone.

-Ha, ha, ha, ha. -You're right.

We can have a perfectly good time without him, just me and you.

Come on!

(dance music playing)

So you're sure you want to do this?

Uh, yeah. Models can inspire people, Eli...

To buy better clothes.

And I'd love to do that for the badly dressed one day.

One of our models has to be the face of slanky.

I will not lose out on this campaign.

So you better start praying for a miracle.

I will call you right back. A miracle just walked in. Eli!

My darling, my angel, my everything. You've come back!

(smacks kisses) Isn't he just perfection?

Can I get you anything? Are you thirsty? Hungry? Do you want some fireworks?

No, that is dangerous, not to mention illegal.

Unless you want them...

Let me see what I can make happen for you.

No thanks, Kourtney. You see, my friend, Dawn here would really like to be a model.

Uh-huh. Listen. I need a model for an amazing product:

The Slanky, a blanket you can wear.

I promise, it's so "Eli." You do this one campaign for me, and I will...

-...find work for your friend Yawn. -But...

-He's in! -I am?

And my name is Dawn, by the way.

T-shirt!

Oh. Oh!

"Fashion intern." Am I gonna be modeling this?

No, you're just going to wear it. It's your job.

-(laughs) -(gasps)

(camera shutter clicks)

(all exclaim)

(doorbell jingles)

Hey, Wild Gil. Are you sure you never worked in town as a groundskeeper?

Nah, but I know who you're talking about.

That's my twin brother.

Personally, I don't think I look anything like him.

He's bald.

Oh, Fish. Hey.

Kirby, hey.

This seems like a private matter.

I'll just leave you three alone.

So... what you been up to? I haven't seen you in a while.

Oh, you know, just hanging with my new "be fries."

It's cool because they really get the quality of the art that I do.

Dude, you're not still upset

about the whole art-mageddon thing, are you?

What? Pfft! No!

I mean, the art-mageddon is lame anyway.

I don't need them. Plus, it's just cool

to hang around people that get it, that's all.

-Kirb. -I gotta go.

Yeah, I've got a new friend who gets me too, you know!

Hugs are for... feed me! (voice winding down)

See? He completely gets me. Yeah!

Hey, what's going on?

I hope you're ready, Kirspacular,

because we're about to engage in the most epic art project ever.

Oh, sweet. What are we doing?

Remember that art fair you got rejected from?

-Yeah. What about it? -We're gonna destroy it.

(all exclaiming)

Psst, psst, psst! Okay.

So here's the plan: once enough people have gathered around,

we take center stage and blow their minds with this guy.

(laughs)

Oh...

Kirby, I'm gonna let you do the honors.

Once you hit that button,

righteous art will shoot forth from my mouth,

covering up all this lame art

and turning it from mediocre to truly Shard-some.

-I don't know, guys. -Kirby, look.

I never told you this,

but every single one of us went to this school

and has been rejected by Statsky's lousy art fair,

just like you, and this is our chance to get back at her

and show everyone what real art looks like!

I'm sorry.

It looks like everyone in there worked really hard,

way harder than me,

and I don't want to ruin it for them.

Kirby, whose side are you on?

-I'm on your side, but... -(groans) Oh.

Wait. What are you doing?

Hey, come on! Guys!

Hey!

Sorry, K-shnitzle,

but I can't have you ruining this for me.

-(Kirby knocking on door) -Let me out!

-Come on! -(rattles)

-Oh! -(chimes)

Ze good news is you made it to art-mageddon.

The bad news: you're stuck in here with me,

and we have time for your annual checkup.

(Fish) A stuffed animal for a hat?

I'm sorry you had to see that.

(cellphone rings)

Oh man, Kirby's in trouble.

I don't know, Dawn. I'm having second thoughts.

Eli, you have to go through with this.

I just need a little bit more time to prove to Kourtney

that I'd be a great model!

But this thing is really itchy. And I keep tripping on it.

I'm starting to think that this isn't really "the snuggly bubble bath

you can wear all day long." It's just another lie.

Come on, Eli. Please?

(cellphone rings)

-I have to go. -Wait.

Deal with this for me?

You can't just...

-Fish! -Eli!

-Who's that? -This is frog.

He looks like, um, a frog.

I love... ♪ down by the river ♪

(laughs) I like him.

-(pounding on door) -(Kirby) Let me out! Come on!

Whoa. I can't believe you guys actually came for me.

Of course we came. We're your friends.

And I'm really sorry. I know you guys were just trying to be

honest with me about my art project.

And also, my new friends are kind of the worst.

Really? The guy with the goggles on his head?

-Wouldn't have guessed. -Come on.

We've got an art fair to save.

Take me to... ♪ down by the river ♪

New friend? Ha. I like him.

Okay, if I can just get over there, I think I can stop them.

I just need a distraction.

Oh! Either of you guys know how to capture the attention of a room full of people?

(sighs) I do.

But I'm gonna need something fashionable.

-Really fashionable. -You can borrow my shoes.

Now's not the time for jokes, Fish.

No, if I'm gonna dazzle a group that big, I need something bold, fresh,

something that will turn heads.

Use me. On your head.

What?

(laughing) He's just talking nonsense.

-See? -Let's put on a show.

Frog...

-Are you serious? -Good night, everyone.

(laughs, winding down)

He's serious.

You're a hero, frog. I'll never forget you.

What are we waiting for? Let's turn him into a hat.

(phone beeps)

(hip-hop music playing)

(audience cheering)

-(woman) I love it! -He's wearing art.

(Woman #2) I must have that hat.

No. Scratch that.

Art's wearing him.

(music continues)

(exhales)

(crowd cheering)

(frog) Ribbit. Ribbit.

-(distorted) Ribbit. Ribbit. -(music stops)

-(crowd murmuring) -(exclaims)

(man) He's wearing a frog on his head!

-(Man #2) Disgusting! -(Woman) Why are kids so awful?

-(Man) Cotton is murder! -(Kourtney) Perfect, Eli.

Now you're a lionfish! That's it!

Ooh, it's city and you're the mayor.

Loving all the slanking around,

but how about giving us a little face?

-Uh... -Show us the moneymaker!

Where's that gorgeous face, Eli? Come on!

Fine! You want my face? Here it is.

Behold! It is I, Dawn!

-(sighs) -What?

You just liked me a minute ago.

You know, Eli was right. Modeling is a total lie.

This stupid slanky is really itchy!

-(yelps) -(crashes)

(claps) Hm.

You sheeple think this is art?

Well, we've got news for you:

It's not! (laughs)

This is art!

(beeps)

Rashard Statsky!

When are you going to learn that not everything is about you?

Come on, mom, not in front of my art group!

(all laughing)

Go, Miss Statsky!

Dawn! Wait!

I just wanted to tell you again that you are never ever going to be a model.

You just don't have "it."

But... you seem to have iron guts and a questionable moral code.

Who knows? You might make a great agent someday.

Are you saying I could be like you?

Whoa, don't even think about it.

(soft music playing)

Guys, I want you to meet the newest member of our team:

-Dippy the frog. -Ribbit.

(all exclaiming)

(Kirby) Listen, he's a little bit of Fish,

a little bit of Eli and all random.

I worked really hard on him, so be nice to him.

Hi, new guy! I mean, if you want to hang with us,

you have to wrestle macho taco.

Them's the rules, son!

-Oh! Ooh! -The frog wins!

-Will you be my potato neck? -(Kirby laughs)

He's just being random. It's sort of his thing.

Well, I find him charming.

Ugh! I don't want any part of this.

No thanks, goodbye. Pfft!

So, anyway, the delivery driver hit the gas

instead of the brakes, and he crashed his truck straight through the wall!

Now it's just stuck there.

Are you kidding me? I can't take that out.

That truck is the only thing holding up half this building.

Plus, I...kind of spent the insurance

on some bad jerky-related investments.

(laughs)

(man) That was really funny. Cut.

(laughs)

What are you doing?