Original subtitles

(spooky music playing)

(Kirby's voice) Some people are thrill seekers.

Some people are always game, even if their face says otherwise.

Then, there's Eli.

You're not gonna get me, burger man!

(screaming)

(screaming)

(Kirby) My friends always say that one day, something's gonna come along

and really scare me.

I'm like, "yeah, right, Talk is cheap. Bring it."

(theme music playing)

♪ hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

(pencil scribbling)

(commercial narrator) Do you wanna have trouble sleeping and wake up screaming

for your mommy?

Do you want to lose control of your bowels?

Because there's only one film festival that will...

Ruin your life!

Yes.

Forrest Hills 9th annual "fright fest,"

the only place you can see My Skull Ate My Head,

and Son Of Cheeseburger IV:

Side Order Of Death!!!

So be there, one night only, and we guarantee

you're gonna regret this...

You baby!

-Yeah! -Incredible!

I don't wanna nitpick, but your skull eating your own head?

That's physically impossible.

I am so psyched!

We are finally old enough to go to "fright fest."

Guys, I need this.

Nothing scares me anymore.

Son Of Cheeseburger: Double Cheese, Triple Murder...

used to scare the heck out of me,

but last night? Nothin'.

(sniffs)

What smells horrible?

-I have egg salad in my pants. -Excuse me?

My scaredy sandwiches.

Comfort food for the "fright fest."

-They make me feel safe. -Safe from girls sitting next to you.

Come on, let's watch it again.

-Let's do this. -(Man) Ahem!

Watching movies in school, Mr. Fisher?

That's against regulation.

-'Sup, Eli? -Hey, Principal Mitchell.

-Please don't take away my phone. -You know the rules.

You can get it back from the June box in...

-June. -That's right.

Later, boys.

Man, I can't stand that guy.

But you gotta respect the hair.

(Belinda) What do you think it is?

It's an envelope, Belinda.

Ooh! The plot thickens.

Maybe it's a gift certificate to a dojo, or ooh, a card telling you

that someone has adopted a highway in your name

or, oh no, a dog ransom note.

But you don't have a dog. Wait. Did you get a dog?

It's an invitation to a party.

(reading)

O.M.Gosh.

That's Evan Hansen's house.

Evan Hansen?! You've been following... watching...

interested in him since fifth grade.

He's finally noticed me!

He wants me at his party!

This is great.

I know. We can finally...

-Be together. -Debut our dance routine.

What? No.

-(dance music playing) -Woo-hoo!

-Belinda! -(music slows, stops)

This is my one shot with Evan. We can't risk embarrassing me.

Evan Hansen wants me at his party!

(both shriek)

Flice.

A genetically modified mutant crossbreed of fleas and lice.

Engineered by the military in the '60s to combat the long hairstyles

of war protesters, they called it the "hippie buster"...

(creepy voice) Hey, Eli...

Stop. It's not funny.

But I'm "Mr. Flice guy," and I want to be your friend.

I don't think you're anyone's friend, Mr. Flice guy.

And if you see Kirby, tell him that scaring people isn't funny.

Because it's scary.

Well, I like you, Mr. Flice guy.

I'm not afraid of you at all.

Not afraid?!

But everyone's afraid of Mr. Flice guy.

I'm so lonely.

It's bigger, stronger, and worse,

its bite creates such an intense itch,

the infected literally go mad trying to scratch themselves.

The only way to kill flice is by smothering them

with a thick, gooey substance.

(creepy voice) Hey, Fish,

I want to live in your hair.

Don't joke about my hair.

I have to get up at 5:00 to make it look this good.

Your hair is like a millimeter long.

Less is more, Eli.

If these flice were to get out, it would be very bad.

Catastrophic really.

So let's be very care...

(exclaiming)

Oops. No big deal.

Everything is perfectly fine.

No need to freak out.

-Hey look, a butterfly! -Where?

(alarm blaring)

Sorry. I'm the worst.

Did he just lock us in?!

(Principal over P.A.) Attention, students, there has been a dangerous outbreak

of flice.

You have exactly one minute to exit the school.

After that, we will be on lockdown until further notice.

And remember...

No running.

It's locked. We might be stuck here all night!

There's no way I'm missing "fright fest!"

I will not lose my 'stache to flice, Kirby!

My mustache! It's all I have.

We've got to figure out that code.

Stand back.

(keypad beeps)

-(lock clicks) -How'd you do that?

It's written right there.

Come on, Eli, let's go!

You don't have egg salad in your pockets!

-Ten, nine, eight... -Look, your sister!

Dawn! Hold the door!

...seven, six...

(dramatically) The door... it's just too heavy!

...three, two, one.

We are now on lockdown.

Stupid tuba made me late again.

(clangs)

Goodbye "fright fest."

(both strain loudly)

Come on.

This cannot be happening.

There's no way I'm missing "fright fest."

To the students left remaining in the school...

We are locked down until this flice situation can be rectified.

Or not, who knows?

Hope you didn't have any plans.

There is, however, one way out.

A representative from emergency hygiene services

is patrolling the halls.

Those who choose the buzz cut

are free to leave the school immediately

and get on with their new fashionable, aerodynamic lives.

The rest of you, well, we're gonna shave your head anyway.

(chuckles)

Hey, it works for pitbull.

No, period.

Way, period.

Well, we gotta do something.

There's no way I'm gonna let some mutant superbug

keep us from a festival we've been waiting for our entire lives.

Henry?

Ah, I can't take it!

-He's... -Got...

(spooky voice) scratch me.

Flice! Run!

Scratch me. Scratch me!

There is no shame in having a shaved head.

It's begun.

-(growls) -Move!

Where are we going?!

Wait. Think, guys. There's gotta be another way out of the school.

There is one way out. Byron...

I mean, Principal Mitchell, has a secret exit in his office.

-(Both) "Byron"? -He's a good guy.

And he's not just our principal. He's our princi-"pal."

-(Both) Ugh. -Trust me.

If we get to his office, he'll help us.

Why do you know about his secret exit?

Because he let me use it once.

That day I had to sneak out of school

when I realized I was wearing girls' jeans.

I told you never rush school shopping.

(clippers buzzing)

Get to the principal's office!

(Henry) My hair! Not my hair!

Remember, the man in the yellow suit is your friend.

-(growls) -Back this way!

Choose the buzz cut.

(Cartoon voice) No!

Nope!

Why not?

(grunts)

Oh my gosling, Belinda. This is it.

This is where my life with Evan begins.

How do I look? How's my breath?

If Evan's a breath guy, you're totally getting married.

Here we go.

Hello? We're here for the party?

This is all kiddie stuff.

I know. Old school is so new school.

Oooh, burnt-cheese-toaster-tasters.

My parents never buy them.

They clog your heart.

I'll just try one.

(Boy) Oh, snap.

Is this a bee colony? Because the honey has arrived.

-Where's Evan? -Evan who?

J.K. I'm his little brother, Justin,

the one who's got the looks in the family

and appreciates girls for their minds.

So, wait. Is Evan here? Or...

He's no longer with us.

Just kidding.

I wish.

So you got my invite...

Hold up. This is your party?

Oh, yeah.

So, quick question: are you foxes ready to get real?

-No. -Yes.

No.

Is your brother coming or what?

Should we kiss now so it's not weird later?

I'm out. Belinda, let's go.

-Wait! -What?

I'm sorry. I acted like an idiot.

It's just, you're the most beautiful girl in school and...

Oh, come on, not the most beautiful...

-And the smartest. -And the funniest.

I guess I'm just a sucker for a triple-threat.

Well... I guess we could stay for a little while.

(Fish) Where are we going?

-Not that way! -(yelling)

Go, go, go!

Stop pushing my butt!

-Move faster then! -(grunts)

-Out of the way. -Coming through!

-Guys? -Hold me.

(all scream)

Hey, buds.

-(growling) -Come over to the buzz cut.

Your new life awaits.

This is all my fault.

I'm the one who made Jenkins drop the flice.

I'm the reason that we're not gonna make it to "fright fest."

Don't worry about it. We'll go to "fright fest" next year.

If, you know, we live that long.

No. You guys are gonna make it there tonight.

Hey, hey, hey!

What are you doing?

Hey, this way!

(Eli) Kirby, no. Don't...

Get to the principal's office! Save yourselves!

(Kirby shouting)

-Another one? -I'm so bad.

Don't you dare say that!

You're an angel!

From the part of heaven where all the supermodels live!

Oh, stop.

Rate me from one to 10. No, don't.

Excuse me? What did you say your answer was?

-Nine... Teen. -You're so insane.

And truthful.

Where's the party at?

If it isn't Christina Ross and Trish "the dish" Kelleher.

The two hottest girls in school.

Wait, you said I was...

(kids chatting)

Oh, Justin. My juice box is getting a little dry over here.

That's weird. It's not like Principal Mitchell...

to leave his office empty like this.

Who cares?

Let's just find the secret exit and get out of here.

Maybe it's in here.

Whoa.

That's a lot of hair product.

If I remember right,

the exit should be right behind...

Eli! Check this out. The June box!

I can finally get my stuff back!

My phones, my juice strainer, my bike pump,

my other juice strainer, my half a mannequin...

Oh no, Fish...

We need to warn him.

Kirby, the flice kids are coming.

They're right behind you.

Kirby, I'd like you to meet my new friends.

Okay, now I'm scared.

We have to help him!

What'd Jenkins say? To kill flice, we need something gooey.

Yeah, something thick that would smother them.

All right, just get this over with.

Like we'd really go to "fright fest" without you.

(chuckles)

Take that, you itchy beast!

Guys. These bugheads are standing in the way of us

going to "fright fest."

I think it's time this school got de-fliced.

(dance music playing)

I hope my father bought home insurance

'cause this place just got set on fire!

Put down your snacks and pick up your dance shoes.

We're about to give this little geek the next-level stuff.

The dance routine?

I thought you said it was embarrassing.

Oh, it will be. For her.

Grab a seat. It's showtime.

(electronica dance music playing)

Let's get it!

Snack cramp! Snack cramp!

Okay. Me and you.

Oooh.

Mama just rung that dinner bell, 'cause she is servin' it up!

Me likey.

Oh, no, she didn't just do that!

She did not just do that!

(Justin laughs)

She just keeps going.

(groans) I feel like two squirrels

are trying to eat their way out of my stomach!

I hate you, burnt-cheese-toaster-tasters!

(stomach gurgles)

I got this.

(neck cracks loudly)

-Dawn Buckets? -Evan?

What are you doing at my baby brother's party?

(stomach gurgles)

(Belinda groans)

We had a lovely time.

(retches)

Go, go, go!

(growling)

Hey, flice-bags, this way!

Hey, fellas. Really sorry about this.

(keypad beeps)

(laughs)

And to think we were even scared.

It's okay, guys, it's over now.

You're all safe.

You tell anyone I was scared,

I'll weave those things into a mustache basket.

Oh, there he is... Or she.

Either way, we've been looking for you, sir... or madam. (nervous chuckle)

Kirby, my hair needs you now more than ever.

Time to buzz off.

(cries out, screaming)

And I'm taking these. You can get 'em back in June.

After you.

(keypad beeps)

(flice-infected students growling)

Phew. I just don't know what I'd do without my hair.

It would grow back in like three days.

Seriously.

If I remember right, the exit should be right behind...

(mechanical clanking)

If we hurry, we can still make it to "fright fest."

And my hair is intact and still looking good.

(gasping, groaning)

Oh hey, principal Mitchell.

Scratch me!

Light him up.

-I'm out. -Me too, we're dead.

Hey... It's me.

Your pal, Eli.

One of the only guys who participated in your "Hawaiian shirt Friday."

I know you're in there.

And I know you're my princi-"pal."

Scratch me!

Hey, Eli, do your scaredy sandwiches

really make you feel less scared? Because I could use one right now.

The sandwiches!

(continues wailing)

-What the... -Protection.

Choose the buzz cut.

-(clippers buzzing) -Your new life awaits.

(yells battle cry)

he's not growing that back by June.

No he is not.

So I think I'm ready for "fright fest" now.

And I don't even think I need my scaredy sandwiches.

-Look at our Eli. -All grown up.

And we can still make it.

I don't know, guys.

After what we just went through, that festival seems like baby stuff.

The festival has baby stuff?

Then, yeah, let's not go.

I've got a thing with babies. Don't ask why.

-Fish? -Yeah?

Were you just scratching?

What? No.

We are now on lockdown.

(grunting)

(laughs)

(pretending to blow notes)

Boom.

(squeaky voice) Hey, man?

(laughing)

-(rock music plays) -(boy) "X"!