Original subtitles

[Hip Hop Playing]

* Hey Mr. Robber man, yeah

Man, you must be crazy

if you think LeBron is better than MJ!

It's not even a question. Players are more athletic today.

Boy, are you insane?

You know players could actually foul back then.

MJ got assaulted every time he went to the basket.

Come on, you know players are elevated now.

Man you just, I just can't even talk to you.

Need a cut?

Uh, yeah, I have an appointment at 10 o'clock.

Uh, well uh, you a little early.

It's 9:55.

Oh, oh, oh it is? Well uh, have a seat right there.

They both got appointments?

They both got appointments,

and them two boys out there playin' chess too, so sit down somewhere.

I'm just runnin' a little bit behind.

Thank you kindly.

Type of question was that?

-That's your boy right there. Light skinned. -Step-kid. [Laughing]

Actin' all bougie.

Talkin' 'bout LeBron better, you've gotta be crazy.

Have you been waiting a long time?

Hm! This is my second episode of Maury.

[Woman on TV] Let him know! This his baby, his baby,

Little J'Quan Jr. it's his baby! [Crowd Cheers Wildly]

[Theme Music]

* There's strength in numbers, When you're out there, I'm the one that you call

How's that lookin' bro? Stay up!

* I'm goin' right for my bros

[Overlapping Conversation]

My bad Robyn, I know I'm late, I'm sorry, don't kill me.

I'm on my second cup of coffee, Omar.

The clock started when I got here.

-Well is it too late to apologize? -Yes.

[Both Chuckle]

I'm glad you can still smile with everything that's going on.

Yeah, that video looked pretty bad, huh?

Twenty thousand views and counting.

Well they only show part of it.

That old man started with me first.

Ouch.

Did his words leave a bruise?

Look, sometimes you just have to fall back.

Perception is everything.

This is now the second violent encounter than Naomi can use against you in court.

She wouldn't do that.

Would she?

You know her better than I do.

I was just tryin' to have them put our son in the game.

And instead, they end up puttin' you out the gym.

[Omar Exhales]

I recommend you join an, an anger management class.

[Omar Laughs]

You got jokes, now what is in that cup?

A double shot. But I'm serious.

It's a proactive strategy

that we can use to offset whatever Naomi accuses you of.

I, I don't know. [Melodic Piano Music]

I'm not asking, Omar.

I should start a fight with you more often, 'cause last night was...

woo!

Yeah, I didn't really get much sleep last night so, if you don't mind.

Can I ask you a question?

What do you love about me?

Okay. [Clears Throat]

I love... how you don't need a man.

But, you don't act like you don't need a man.

[Serena] Mmm.

That's sexy.

What?

I just wanna say that

I really appreciate you being here.

-And... -And?

...mm-hmm. As long as we are growing,

and building,

I'm good.

[Soft Chuckle]

Okay.

Wasn't expecting that, but I'll take it.

Even though I ain't brushed my teeth yet.

[They Laugh]

Do you wanna go for a round two?

I, I need some more sleep. Couple hours, please.

Are you gonna make me fight you again?

Babe, so it is true?

Sex is the remedy to an angry woman.

-Hmm. -Hmm?

Well, sex is really just the band-aid.

The remedy is to give us what we want.

So what we want doesn't really matter at all.

So you don't want all of this?

No, it's cool. You don't, you don't want

all of this?

Got it. Goodnight.

I'm awake now.

Oh! Okay!

[Barber] Wait a minute,

you mean to tell me Friday is your favorite movie of all time?

[Stammering] Di-di-di, did I stutter?

Did you see Nia Long when she was runnin' across that street?

Woo! Hot damn, I love that scene.

It can't be your favorite movie just because of Nia Long, bruh.

Why the hell it can't?

That girl should've been nominated for a Academy Emmy.

Or whatever Hollywood award they givin' out out there.

Um, those are actually two different things.

What?

An Emmy and Academy Award,

ones for movies and ones for TV.

Let me tell you something boy,

a Emmy, Academy award,

and they need to give her a Grammy, 'cause she about to make me sing.

Okay so, like an EGOT?

Boy, you speakin' English?

An Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar and a Tony.

Only 15 people ever won those. Um,

Whoopi Goldberg being one of them.

Ooh, I love me some Whoopi Gold!

Word! What?

Yeah, you know Whoopi don't take no nap.

Yeah, I'd love it if you guys went faster.

Did I say that out loud?

-Yeah. -Mm-hmm.

See there? Now he actin' light skinned.

Steph Curry no shop wanna get beat up, huh?

[Barber] Hey, you better let him know who he is.

[Singing]

But see he must don't know. I'm somebody.

And you know how I know?

'Cause my grandma said it, and I heard her when she said it.

[Both Laugh] I don't know nothin'.

-What up, Carl?

My man, give it to me low. I like it.

Danni, what do you got? Okay.

-You on it today. -I'm always on it.

Mm-hmm.

[Jarvis] Mm-hmm. [Danni Giggles]

Y'all look beautiful, people.

Yes.

Good morning Mr. Johnson.

Danni, you can call me Jarvis.

Ah, right, sorry.

My mom is from Memphis, and she don't play that.

Ah, I got it.

I know all about southern hospitality.

What ya got for me?

Well, Mr. Creed called about the Buckhead Estate you showed last week.

Oh, he wants to put in an offer?

He was actually questioning if you were the owner of the company.

That's interesting.

What'd you say?

I told him he needs to put some respect on yo name and to stay in his lane.

Danni!

Is what I wanted to tell him, Mr. J. [Giggles Nervously]

I just said that I'm new here,

and I'll get someone more qualified to give him a call back.

[They Chuckle] Thank you.

Nah, I'll call him at some point.

But he was out of pocket for that, right Mr. J?

Ah, I little.

I know how I can be perceived.

But some folks,

they're very particular on who they do business with.

When I showed him the property, um,

I may have been dressed a little too casual.

To each his own.

gotcha. [Upbeat Rhythm]

And Danni, what do you call me?

-Mr. J. -Danni...

Jarvis. [He Chuckles]

Very good.

I might get a raise!

Damn! [Phone Ringing]

Yeah, what up Omar?

[Omar] Jarvis!

Hey, you definitely not at the office.

Nah man, no I'm out here on the range trying to get these swings in.

Man, I'm horrible at this.

Rich people problems.

Nah, no, no it's a work expense. [Omar Laughs]

I got a meeting with a colleague on the golf course

and it's imperative that I win this time around.

Yeah well don't forget about the little people.

Hey, call Greg real quick.

Okay, one sec.

Yo J, what's good?

Yo Greg, what up? I got Omar on the line.

What's up, fellas?

-Hey Greg, you busy? -Hit Keith on 3-way.

Yo Greg, I need a barber recommendation, stat.

I been tryin' to tell you.

What's goin' on?

I've been in the shop for two hours, my appointment was at 10 o'clock.

How many he has in front of you?

-I'm in the chair. -So what's the problem?

He's on his lunch break.

Yo, hang in there, man.

I got Omar and Jarvis on the line.

[Omar & Jarvis] Keith! [Keith] Hey.

I know what this is.

Whassap?

[He Laughs]

Oh, nothing, okay. Um, what's, what's up fellas?

Hey, tonight is my Uncle's annual poker shindig.

Oh, really? That's happening again?

Yeah, it's been a year already.

Now look fellas, the buy in is $500.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, your uncle knows this isn't Vegas, right?

I don't know Omar,

wasn't it 200 last year?

Listen fellas, I already figured it out.

Now if one of us wins,

split it. Increase our odds.

Yo, I ain't mad at that.

A'ight, I'll be down for that.

Look, I can't roll tonight fellas,

I'm going Salsa dancing tonight with Bianca.

Did you say Salsa dancing?

Ooh, I wanna go Salsa dancin'!

Oh, wait, wait, so is that date number 2?

Well, I don't know if she would call it a date.

-What did you call it? -A date.

Kieth, are you sure you wanna

hang out with her again?

Yeah man, she's the one who invited me.

Okay.

Hey Greg, Jarvis, I will see you tonight at 8.

I'll text you the addy.

Cool, alright.

-Look, uh,

I love talkin' to you guys,

but really we could've just sent a text that we're gonna be, um,

hello?

Hello? [Salsa Music Playing]

-Hey. -Hey!

It's so good seeing you!

Uh yeah, um, thanks for inviting me. Uh, you look great!

Oh, thank you. You, too.

I love your hat.

Oh, uh, thank you, yeah.

Tried to get my hair cut, but uh,

it was at a black barbershop, and...

-you don't know what that means, and that's fine. -Ah, don't worry.

Guys!

This is the most amazing photographer in the world,

and my date tonight, Keith Johnson.

Date?

IS that what tonight is, a, a date, Bianca?

Of course! It's a group date.

Shots!

Um, shots?

Uh, sure you don't want to get some strawberry daiquiris instead?

-Are you ready? -Yeah.

[Bianca] Salute!

Salute. [She Giggles]

[Bianca] Oh, my God!

Es mi cancion!

-Your what now? -It's my song!

-Oh, okay. -Let's go!

[Slow Jam Playing]

[All Talking At Once]

We gon' see if we can get your Stacie Adams.

Look man, this dude had his whole shoes taken off his feet.

-In front of everybody!

-We gotta know when to quit. That's all I'm saying. -Yo, that's real.

[Eugene] Boom baby, four of a kind! [Shouting, Laughing]

[Oscar] Damn!

I'ma go bring her on over here, 'cause I'ma treat her real nice.

-You be nice, Eugene. -Oh, always baby, always baby.

Ah, there he is, nephew!

[Omar] What's up old man?

Ah! How you doin', brother?

Good to see you.

[All Conversing]

Ah ha, wait a minute, tone it down.

Do y'all have uh, y'all have money?

Do we have money?

Um, is, is, is, this money? [All Cheering]

-My friend!

-Alright then, alright!

[All Chatting]

Hey uh, Oscar, this is my nephew Omar,

his friend Greg, and uh, you uh-

-He always do that. Jarvis. -Ah! That's it.

-That's it, that's it, Jarvis. -[Booker] Jarvis?

What kind of professional hood name is that?

-Right? -Did you graduate from Devry?

[All] Devry! [Laughing]

Yeah well, they stopped naming people Booker in the early 1900's.

I guess you barely made the cut, huh?

-Ooh.

Ooh, hoo, hoo.

[Raucous Laughter]

-That was good, man.

That was good for a light skinned dude.

-You just got a old ass name! -Yes, he does.

-Alright, to hell with you.

You alright with me, young blood.

Come on, let's get this thing started!

-Let's do it! -Alright, alright.

[Bianca Laughs]

Come on!

-Coming. -Come on! Don't be shy.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

It's so easy.

-Yeah? -Look, just do.

-Okay. -Hand right here, and then just

right foot step, left.

-Ow! -Oh! I, I'm so sorry.

It's okay, it's okay. Just, just follow me, okay?

Look at me, it's really easy.

You just gotta put a little bit of hip in there.

-Right? -Yeah.

-And then once you feel that music in your body, -All in the hips.

-you can bring a little shoulder... -Oh!

Hey, can you show me that move again?

Yeah, of course. Right here. [They Laugh]

[Raymond] Bianca!

[Conversing in Spanish]

Pardon me.

Uh, yeah, sure.

[Salsa Music Playing]

-Right here. -Uh-oh!

[Eugene] Here we go again!

-Let's do it!

[Eugene] Wait a minute, I know that face.

-That's the bluff face. He bluffin'!

-That ain't his bluff face, that's his face-face.

His face be like that when he mad, his face be like that when he happy,

that's why I hate playin' with Booker.

Man, just play the cards, man!

You tellin' my business.

I'm out.

-Man, me too. I got zilch. -Ooo-woo!

Mm-mm-mm.

I see your fifty,

I raise you fifty.

[Eugene] Okay, okay, okay, I see you nephew, okay, call.

Hey, I'm out.

Sure about this, O?

Man, it's nothin', I got this. Trust me.

Man, Booker lookin' a little nervous over here.

You are perspiring a little, you got just a-

'Cause it's hot as hell in here!

Feel like I'm in South Africa. [The Others Laugh]

[Whispering] Hey, Jarvis, let me borrow 300.

Man, I'm out.

[Eugene] Ooh, I'm sensing broke,

I'm sensing broke. Uh, listen, um,

the house can float you a small loan

for a, a modest interest rate of 25 percent.

Nah, nah.

[Oscar] Be careful now,

-'cause you might have to give up your pink slip. -Yeah, yeah.

I got you. [Chuckling]

Let's do it.

Hey now, don't be spendin' your allowance from Naomi, man.

You gotta save that for your lawyer fees.

-Shut up, Greg. -[Booker] Oh my God!

What kind snitchin' you be doin' in front of everybody?

You see his uncle over there.

Do tell.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,

is your lady givin' you a hard time?

Yeah, we, we separated.

I'm, I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Yeah well, I don't go around talkin' about it.

I got this court custody hearing coming up, and my attorney

suggested that I enroll in an anger management class.

Yeah, he went to his son's basketball game and uh,

-beat up a senior citizen. -What?!

[All Talking At Once]

Technically, they argued, right?

Somebody filmed it, and now Naomi might use it against him in court.

I had no idea.

[Omar] Yeah, Unc.

She won't even let me keep Caleb

unsupervised all because I spanked him a couple times.

Oh, oh you can't spank no kids nowadays, boy.

That, that's child abuse. You, you can get locked up.

Uh, there's other ways to discipline your kids, right?

[Eugene] Like what, time out?

Time out may be good for Timmy, but it do not work on Darnell.

Hah! It don't even work for Timmy.

You see how them little white kids be

-cussin' they mother out in the grocery store. -[Eugene] I hate you, mom!

You never loved me!

I just think that you can talk to your kids

and work out any behavioral issues.

You don't always have to spank 'em.

[Scoffs] Do you have kids?

-Not yet. -I could tell.

-You can tell him -Listen, listen

fellas, there's a difference between

spanking your kids and beating your kids.

Now when they don't listen 2 or 3 times,

I don't see anything wrong with a little pop.

Omar, times have changed. You don't want to give them a reason.

Why don't you, why don't you go down to that anger management class,

for your kids, you know?

[Oscar] How 'bout this,

are we playin' poker, or Oprah, huh?

Play your cards.

Royal Flush before kings!

[All Shouting]

Hey look here, Christmas came early for me.

Hey, and you know what?

Omar, you're my nephew, and I would ride for you,

but I'm, I'm gonna need all that 300. All of it.

All of it.

I'll cash app you Unc, alright?

-Cash who? -It's an app that transfers money.

Oh no, no, no.

Cash only, house rules. Uh,

I'll give you 3 weeks to pay, but I needs all my bread.

All of it. [Booker Laughs]

But y'all can come anytime.

We love, ooh, I love all three of y'all!

We gonna change y'all name.

What you gonna call it?

A, T, M!

And we got your pin number!

Let's go, let's do it.

Come on man.

[Talking Over Each Other]

-I'm deal, I'm deal. -Please do!

[Bianca Chuckling]

Hey Keith,

-that was so much fun, right? -Hey.

Uh, yeah, yeah it was great. It was like,

watching an episode of Dancing With The Stars with

you and Ricky Martin.

His name is Raymond.

He's a Wednesday nights regular.

Oh, well, everybody loves Raymond's, I guess.

Yeah, he's so sweet.

He even taught me how to Salsa.

You know, that's the one thing I never got.

My Salsa.

I was really looking forward to it.

Next time.

So I noticed that you posted some of the pictures from the photo shoot.

Oh my God, yes!

A todo el mundo le ecanto.

I mean, I got

11,000 likes and 871 comments. [Phone Chimes]

Oops! 872. [He Sighs]

It's really impressive that you know that.

It's my job, I gotta stay on top of it.

Um...

I'm sure it was a minor oversight, but um,

I think you forgot to tag me. Again.

Oh my God. [Speaking Spanish]

-No, it's- -I'm so, so, no, no.

Sorry, no, it's, it's totally fine.

Like, I'm sure it was an honest mistake, and-

No, no, no, there's no excuse.

Really, I hate when I do that.

Let me actually do it right now, so

-I don't forget. -Oh, okay.

We go on Instagram, and

[Raymond] Bianca! Amor!

Aye, aye Raymundo, mi amore!

[They Converse In Spanish]

[Phone Rings]

[Keith Sighs]

[Bianca] Hey!

Are you just gonna ignore my all like that?!

Uh, hey!

Uh, sorry, no, no! I, um,

I, I don't have my headphones, so, um,

you know, I can't talk and drive.

I'm sorry it took so long over there.

Uh, it's okay!

I call you.

All right.

[Low Upbeat Music Playing]

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