Original subtitles

Night is a war, my friend. And the ladies fight amongst themselves.

Because of us.

Remains of war. We are the booty, my friend.

Lots of tables full of women.

Friends, until the first dick shows up.

After that, forget about Barbies, Sex and the City, forget everything:

It's time to rock. Finger in the eye, pulling hair,

pinching, gossiping, all is fair.

And if the babe is over 30 and still not married, man...

She will just go for it as a raging bull.

We have to be prepared.

Body in shape and a couple of Viagras in the pocket,

to guarantee the evening screwing and the morning banging.

It's the revolution! We are the treasure to be conquered.

We are Constantinople and they are the Turkish.

I mean, not "us". "You". I am married.

A tied horse grazes just the same.

But I am not a horse. Despise the size of my dick,

as you may have noticed.

- Where's the waiter? - Back there.

It's the black guy who looks like Seu Jorge.

Writing the book?

That fucking book you never finish writing?

Give up on writing that shit.

And what will he do? Count his dad's inheritance?

The book is almost finished. It's difficult to find the ending.

You can say that again!

- Have you been talking to Vitoria? - Yes. And I always regret it.

You are in phase of sentimental physiotherapy.

Removing the barnacles of separation.

- What's up? - Hi.

Seems strange, this kissing on the cheek.

- You all right? - I'm doing OK. You?

Well, super great, like a Disney parade, of course I am not.

But I'm OK.

Everything here?

Everything but the rest of the shoes, that didn't fit.

Fernando, I'll have to come back for them?

Vitoria, they didn't fit. Wanna go up and carry them?

No, it's OK. I'll send someone for them.

Give me a hand?

I won't help you leave me.

Who's for Gin, Tonic? Who's for Gin, Tonic?

No, we're light today, Afonsinho. Don't push. Just draft beer.

- Seu Jorge, I am curious. - What's up?

Do you play the guitar like the real Seu Jorge?

Well, I don't play like the guy, but...

I can play "Andan�a", for example.

And "Eduardo e M�nica", "Preta Pretinha", things like that...

Women are attracted to guitars, like bees to honey.

It does help.

Shall we eat something? I've been eating very poorly.

At home, it's desperate, just frozen food.

Shall we call some hookers and have an erotic sushi.

I have been eating poorly in all respects,

especially sexually speaking.

It feels like I haven't had sex

since Zico missed the penalty in the Mexico World Cup.

My dick and my hand are intimate. They say hello to each other.

I masturbate everyday. It helps keep the Devil alive.

Do married men masturbate?

- Hell, yes, wait until you get married. - Really?

With Vitoria, at some point, she always had a headache, or her period...

I know what you mean, it happened to me.

Hey, Seu Jorge, three more here please!

Do you want me to get back home smelling like alcohol?

Is Leila going to smell your breath?

Good old times. Now the house smells of tutti-frutti shampoo.

Let's dry very well.

Mammy is late, kids. I'm leaving now.

Again? Where you heading?

If I say, I'll be submitting to your control.

What do you want? A daily report? A submissive woman?

Would you feel horny for a submissive woman.

- What's horny? - Let's take all that soap off.

Teacher Marlene from Physics Education said I will be.

- You will be what, darling? - Horny.

I want to feel horny!

For Christ's sake, no one will feel horny in this house! And that's that.

Mammy's leaving. Kisses, my darlings. Princesses!

Don't forget to change the light bulb in the corridor.

I will change no fuckin'... I won't change anything!

- There! - Wow!

Stop writing and talk to us!

Hey, guys, may I show you my work?

We are all ignorant. Afonsinho is the only one who can read, and poorly!

Go to the next table, it's full of women.

If you change your minds, I'm over there.

Girls, may I show you my poems?

Poetry is a good way to nail women.

Have you seen all the synonyms for vagina?

Vagina... vagina... that name sounds familiar...

- Vagina, cunt. - Right, I remember!

We could go to a whorehouse? For a m�nage.

You only think of m�nage.

Are there m�nages in your unfinished book?

- Of course! - It will be a best seller.

It's time for you to get an official girlfriend, without having to pay.

Afonsinho only likes whores and married women.

That says a lot:

The guy doesn't finish a book, doesn't have a girlfriend,

- doesn't want commitment... - The bar turned into therapy now?

With so many chicks around, I won't waste time analyzing you.

Fuck you. My therapy is literature.

The treatment will take long.

Guimar�es Rosa ending

Alana, I finished a new version of my book.

Another version? Is it good?

Wanna read it? It's sort of intellectual. Like Guimar�es Rosa.

I love Guimar�es Rosa. E-mail it to me!

E-mail sucks. I'll take it to you.

I have to work now. Kisses.

You are in a private chat room.

- I've eaten too much. - Me too.

Hey, guys, look there! Carminha.

- Carminha! - Don't call her.

- You had an affair with her? - I banged her, alright.

That chick has an amazing butt. Respectable!

- But her butt has silicone! - So you can't fuck it.

They say you can't fuck from behind, cause it dents the rubber.

Fucking from behind demands condoms.

It's as if you are unwrapping a gift.

The worst part for me is having to stop to put it on.

I like that pause. You look at the girl's eyes

and she knows what's all about.

- Well, I'm off. - Wait, man,

we're just starting to have fun.

That's the danger. We start drinking and talking about asses

and when I realize it's 5 am. It's enough, right?

See you, guys!

Seu Jorge, bring us the last two!

I think you scratched it...

Damn, that sucks... My dad will kill me.

It's not too bad. Any garage will fix that.

You don't understand: I'm under 18, I got the car without his permission.

That complicates things.

That fucks things up.

Are you under 18?

I'm 17. I'll be 18 at the end of the year.

My dad gets very angry when I do things behind his back.

I can join Al Qaeda, but I have to tell him first.

Say it was my fault, I was parking my car and...

There's paint on the car.

You can't say you were parking the pillar, can you?

- No, not the pillar... - I'll have to face it.

But you are only 17.

My dad will say the same thing.

Well, anyway, thanks for trying to help.

I'm Gabi.

Why are you so sad? Don't be so sad...

And you?

- Hey! - What?

- What's your name? - Fernando.

Nice to meet you. I'm Gabi, from 502.

Nice to meet you.

- So, good night! - Good night!

I'll climb the stairs.

Hi!

You're home early. They ran out of beer?

You smoked.

New watch?

- Who gave it to you? - No one.

I bought it with my money.

Really? I never see that money here at home.

It's only me contributing.

And don't lock the door, I'm going to bed soon.

I forgot the panties.

Sorry... What? Were you talking to me?

I forgot the parties.

- You? Sorry... - No! My daughter's panties.

I forgot my daughter's panties.

Poor girl! She came to school with no panties on?

No, it's not that. I packed her bag in a hurry.

She will sleep over at a friend's house and I forgot the panties.

And why doesn't her mum pack her bag?

Her mum lives in Europe. She doesn't live with us.

Really? Where does she live?

Omsk. Siberia.

She lives in Siberia?

She was transferred there, and we all agreed to go. But...

it didn't work. Omsk has many problems.

- It snows 11 months per year. - Wow, but that's tough.

What does she work with?

She hunts. Panda bears.

- Sorry. - What?

- I'm sorry. She hunts pandas? - Yes.

And she stayed there?

Yes, she did. She doesn't miss us... My wife... No, she doesn't.

I always wanted to have a family.

I always took care of it. I always tried to hold us together.

I always wanted to have kids.

What's your name?

My name is Afonso. But you can call me Afonsinho.

Afonsinho...

- What the hell is that? - It's tomorrow's women's section.

- Tomorrow? - Yes.

- I have to review it for tomorrow? - Yes.

- But it's almost 7 pm. - It's 7 pm.

But it's absurd! Where is the decency?

Everything we conquered with so much struggle?

What?

Where's the trade union? We claimed for "Direct Elections Now"for this?

Marighella died for this?

Want me to call C�sar, from Editorial? You can talk to him...

No. Leave that shit there.

Seu Jorge!

We are curious. You are big black guy, and all that,

do you get chicks here in the bar?

- Of course. - See.

The day before yesterday I nailed a redhead.

A black guy and a redhead, beautiful!

I shouted "Flamengo" at the time! Black and red, you know.

Redheads are hot. Strong armpits, rough skin, freckles...

Strong armpits. It's happened to me.

Redheads are a good lay. It's a fact. All redheads are good lays.

We can even teach,

give coordinates, and all that. But when they come trained,

there's no comparison.

There can be no reluctance. Or any fuss.

Fussy women don't deserve me.

"I don't want to. I don't like it. It's hard. Spunk comes out of it."

Fucking has its secrets.

Blowing, for instance. There are tricks.

We have to teach. It's our responsibility.

They weren't born knowing, didn't learn it at school,

didn't exchange experience with their mums.

- No, baby. It hurts that way. - Afonsinho...

Slowly. Slowly.

Why the anxiety?

That's it, that's it.

Pretend you're going to bite, but don't bite.

Don't bite.

Good. Good.

Hey, excuse-me? Hi! Hello!

I don't want to disturb you,

but, could you tone it down a bit?

We are hearing so much rubbish here. No one deserves that.

I understand you, of course. The atmosphere, the bar,

the booze, all this environment, we get carried away,

but you have to understand: Fuck it!

I'm going to have a smoke.

- Fernando! - Yes, Afonsinho?

What's up?

Afonsinho,

have you ever calculated how much you spend with hookers every month?

That isn't normal. Find yourself a girlfriend,

for Christ's sake, homemade food.

- I have something to tell you, man. - Go ahead.

Tomorrow I'm going to ask Ana Paula to be my girlfriend.

- Black-stripe Aninha? - Black-stripe Aninha! Herself, man.

Afonsinho...

black-stripe Aninha is married.

You can't ask a married woman to be your girlfriend. It doesn't work.

It's all set. All arranged.

Tomorrow at midday she'll come to my place.

I'll even put on perfume on my dick.

So, see you tomorrow, right?

Aninha!!

I parked in a handicap spot.

He started to control my accounts now.

I can't stand his arrogance any more, you know?

He evaluates me all the time.

He evaluates me...

He evaluates me when we go out,

when I cook, criticizes me all the time.

And he tests my intelligence. He asks:

"Who's the president of UNO?"

I'm always tense. It seems I'm in a constant oral exam.

Wow, that feels good!

He always has with something new: "Check out this rare Callas recording."

I hate opera, I hate news programs.

But he keeps asking: "Did you read that article?"

I haven't seen it. "Do you agree with him?"

Oh, that feels good. Stop! No, don't stop, don't stop...

I missed you.

Did you, darling?

Do you want to be my girlfriend?

You want a girlfriend?

I want to take care of you.

Take care of me? Who told you I want to be taken care of?

Stay a little longer.

I rented Mad Men for us to watch together.

Stay, please!

You are so sweet...

I feel so good here. I feel relaxed.

And I feel a bit of a whore too...

- A whore? - Yes, I feel like a whore here.

Oh, but I can't, I can't...

Because he's my axis, you know? He's my man.

He's everything to me. I keep thinking...

Some times he is there, some times he isn't.

I look at him and he seems to be on a trip to Mars.

The mystery of the man who lives with me. Oh, what a nice dick...

And I was thinking... What was I thinking? I don't know.

I like him, you know, I love him. He is my man, he...

Oh, that's so good, so good...

I may get a parking ticket...

- Hi. - What's up?

- Coming back from college? - Yes.

There's so much work to do...

- And the car? Was it OK? - Yes.

My dad preached me.

Now I can only borrow the car after I have my license.

I never thanked you properly for offering to help me with the scratching.

- Never mind. You don't need to. - Thank you very much.

- Bye. - Bye.

If you need help parking, call me.

Pillars can be very treacherous.

"Pillars can be very treacherous"?

Damn, I'm so rusty.

You've finished, girls? Take off the pajamas now,

time for school. Come on, come on.

Watch out!

Hurry up, cause you're late.

She has the guts to complain about me.

Let's put everything away, and get ready to go to school.

Yes! I'll catch you. I'll catch you.

Will you help the girls? I'm off, OK?

Have a good day too.

Look back there. Fidgeting with her hair...

She's looking at me. She wants me! I'll have to sort this situation out.

Go there, wannabe Don Juan!

When a woman fidgets with her hair she wants you.

It's their way to wag the tail.

It would be amazing if women had tails.

It would be easy to figure out who wants us and who's just fooling around.

Sometimes I miss Vitoria badly.

It sucks.

She needn't have done that. Been so radical. Leaving me.

She could have moved out, had her own place...

She needs privacy, I guess.

The worst thing is to imagine that she may be

in bed with another son of a bitch now...

Don't even go there. Think of something else.

I even think it's normal.

Imagine a person taking the same dick the whole life...

the same dick every week, every day. You get tired.

Because we, guys, when we are tired and want variety, we go to a whorehouse,

we get some, and solve the matter.

A woman doesn't have that... that... relief, right?

No way...

Who guarantees a woman doesn't want to vary?

She has the right to want to vary.

A different dick. Thicker,

longer, more veiny, more crooked to the left or to the right...

A different way of being sucked...

Women love us to go down there. You know, right?

Yeah, I know.

Husbands take them for granted after a while.

After some time, the wife arrives home from work, feeling horny,

wants to get laid, what does the husband do?

He looks at the watch, calculates how long he has,

and nails her quickly not to miss the ball match. Hardly sucks her.

And in one of those gaps in life,

a hole he creates cause he isn't performing as he should,

the wife meets a black man, like Seu Jorge there.

The guy approaches her, says some rubbish in her ear,

the wife falls for it, and when she realizes it,

she's got his long dong between her legs.

Then the black guy fucks her blind, which isn't fair,

cause we can't compete with black men's dicks.

Want another draft beer? Seu Jorge?

The black guy fucks her blind, and once that happens,

she gets addicted to other men's dicks. And when you want sex,

She only wants other men's dicks.

If it isn't other men's dicks, she takes no interest.

She gets addicted to other men's dicks. Women get addicted to other men's dicks

not because they're evil. They aren't evil.

She fucks around, because the husband didn't perform appropriately.

Didn't innovate. Didn't make an effort.

Jorge, tell me, have you nailed married women?

- Of course. - What depressing conversation.

- Seu Jorge! - Hey, how are you?

- Guys... Excuse me, this is Isabela. - Hi, what's up?

You can call her Isa. We had an affair, right, Isa?

Yes, but I was married. Now I'm not any more.

Now we are just good friends.

There's no such a thing as a woman friend. There isn't.

The first chance the guy has, bang! Ruthlessly.

The friendship turns to sex,

which turns into discussing the relationship later,

which destroys the friendship.

Not necessarily. There's the so-called friendly dick.

So there's hope for me?

While I'm drinking, there's hope.

What do you do, Isa?

I'm a nuclear engineer.

Fucking shit.

Do you work at a nuclear plant?

Yes, but not here. In Iran.

Shit! Really?

Of course not, what would I do in Iran?

I work in a medical lab.

Do you know how to put together a nuclear bomb? I need one.

In theory, since Einstein, everybody knows.

- Will you excuse me a minute? - Of course.

Clever woman, man.

I know, lots of pressure... it's complicated.

But I prefer intelligent women.

My wife is intelligent, but I don't prefer that.

Intelligent women read so much Freud, that when they fuck,

they release all their traumas... It's the mother of the son of a bitch,

they bite you, hell no!

I prefer to listen to Norah Jones,

strawberry on the breasts, something lighter...

Intelligent women do theorize.

They theorize, but that one has an amazing ass.

Perfect size, little cellulite, pink asshole...

- I'd fuck her. - Definitely.

I fucked her good.

What? You look weird. What were you talking about?

Cooking.

OK. Keep on talking. Cooking.

Do you want to talk about cooking?

It could be soccer... But as Ronaldinho Ga�cho plays for my team,

I don't want to start with an advantage. Let's talk about cooking.

Isabela, I mean Isa, loves meat. Don't you, baby?

Yes, I'm a carnivore.

What barbecue place do you like?

The best for me is the barbecue I prepare myself.

I buy great meat... About R$100 per kilo of rump cap,

but you don't even need to chew.

- I need to go to the toilet. - Of course.

And wanna know the best part? The Atlantic Forest is all there.

Machine-trimmed. Length 2.

See! A woman like that these days?

She's got personality. Most women shave everything.

I don't like it, when women shave everything.

Taking off their panties and seeing no hair

is like opening a Kinder Egg and finding no surprise inside.

For me, it's like salad: I eat it, but not every day.

Well, Alana has it trimmed, but not too much.

It's like... the Arsenal Stadium lawn, you know?

- A nicely trimmed lawn. - Like Wembley?

Mow it nicely, low grass...

And now, what's the subject?

Gardening.

I'm going for a smoke.

I'm coming with you.

Three draft beers.

What's up?

Isabella has made me horny.

We could go to a whorehouse, for a m�nage!

Shall we? To celebrate our friendship?

No, I don't feel horny when we celebrate our friendship.

- I'm in! What exactly? - M�nage!

Not for me. You guys go. I'm heading home. I'm past that age.

No way. Not over my dead body.

And what do you do... when you are...

in "civil clothes"?

I go to the gym, I read, I go to college...

This is a profitable business, you know?

Really? Some 6 thousand a month?

Darling! I make 6 thousand in one week.

I spend 6 thousand on silicone alone.

Do you have it on your butt?

This is all God's work!

So beautiful... smelling so good... I'm feeling affectionate today.

I'd love to be with you, but I have prior engagements.

And I'm not in the mood for partying, everybody naked in a hotel suite.

You don't have a prior engagement today, do you?

Afonsinho, don't even try. Don't mess with my earnings.

This is like a fruit market.

You come, you smell,

you grope a bit...

You may even have a taste.

And if you want to, you take home. That's how it works.

True. I am a kiwi.

Not me! I am a lychee...

expensive and very tasty.

I see...

So, lychee...

Today... we were thinking of something more... symbolic.

I see.

It's already late,

and we work tomorrow. And Hon�rio is married...

Today this golden opportunity came up for us to...

work together.

But it has to be today, and it really has to be something

more for the love of the sport.

What a shame: No lychee today.

We are leaving. Come back later, who knows?

Yes, for the left overs.

Today of all days you are going to let me down, my love?

You know I don't like to masturbate on my own.

It has to be done by two, my love.

I'd love to stay here with you.

But I'm really sorry.

My credit card bill has arrived full of numbers,

and I have to cover the damage.

Alana, sit down here.

I finished my book today. And I'd like you to read it.

Do you have any idea how many versions I've read?

You are my best critic.

- What's new about this version? - Many things.

Encounters,

places, kisses, phrases...

So tell me a beautiful phrase.

How much for the full service?

Guys, I'm off. It's late.

I'm off too. I shouldn't have come.

And our m�nage?

Afonsinho, I don't like m�nages.

I don't like to nail a chick knowing there's a guy...

watching my backside. Bye!

- What's that all about? - Bye!

Wait...

But what... Man... I don't understand...

Hi, good evening! How are you?

Hello? Good afternoon.

My name is Ho... Hor�cio.

Are you the detective? It's you.

Good. I would like you to follow, without being seen,

a certain person of my acquaintance.

Yes, that's right, my wife.

Yes. I see...

No, I never saw anything,

but I'm suspicious, there are certain clues...

Right, but before I drop by, I'd like to know your fees.

How much?

But what do you mean by expenses?

Right. Well, I've written it down,

I'll think about it, and call you later, OK?

Right, good-bye.

Damn, I'll become a detective.

- Hi, Afonso! - Hey, uncle!

- How are you? - I'm OK.

- And your dad? - He's OK. He's in Angra.

In Angra? Son of a bitch. He never does a thing in life!

He can, right, uncle?

Yes, he can. But let's talk about you. Sit down.

Excuse me...

Afonsinho, what do you want to accomplish with this book?

I want to publish it.

You can. We can publish the book here.

You pay for it, you can afford it. But why publish?

Just to see it published?

Think about it: After you've published it,

it's public. It won't be easy.

Because... Your book has... flaws.

Flaws?

Here, for example...

This story of love between both protagonists.

Hamilton and Mariana.

There doesn't seem to be that spark of love, you know?

It seems that you know about romance, attraction, love,

from a research in the internet.

It doesn't seem that you have lived a great love.

And that... isn't good about love.

Afonsinho...

That isn't good...

Lack of love isn't good in literature or in life.

Some authors manage to write about life based on research.

Do you write from experience or from research?

When it comes to love, I am more of a theorist.

But, Afonsinho...

You can theorize about the greenhouse effect,

global warming,

the life of Ronaldo, "the phenomenon".

But love...

has to be experienced.

"Those who were never in love...

"Will never have anything."

Vin�cius de Moraes.

He was married 9 times.

You lack Vin�cius in your life.

I'm only like him in the booze.

What's up, guys? Draft beer?

Here.

- Gin, tonic? - Here, Seu Jorge.

Are you sure, Afonsinho? That's very strong!

Gin will knock down even a Marine.

- I suck as a writer. - Oh, I see.

Hey, girls, lots of moaning today. If you'd like to sit closer...

- Caipirinha of sake and tangerine? - Here.

How homo of you, caipirinha of sake? Order with vodka or "cacha�a".

It seems like you are having shiatsu

while eating erotic-sushi in a Japanese garden.

Eating Japanese is great.

I dated one.

I thought their vagina was in the horizontal.

She was in the Military Police. She made me feel so horny.

And she asked me to hit her. "Hit me, black man! Hit me!

Call me a felon, and club me down!"

It was vicious, man. I know what you mean.

It's happened to me.

But I don't like it that way. I prefer something softer.

Licking the ear...

I even swallowed an earring once.

I have to go. Excuse me.

Seu Jorge probably nails them all. That black man rocks.

Listen, today there's a party at Mary's house, shall we go?

Today? I'm not going. I'm going home. Leila is giving me a hard time.

I'm in. Nothing to do at home.

Come on, girls... oops...

Come on...

Come with mammy. Mammy will help you. Come.

Let's go in... Come on, all of you...

Give mammy a kiss. I love you.

I love you a lot.

I love you even more. Listen to daddy, OK?

What do you mean listen to daddy? Where are you going?

Can't I go for a drink with my friends?

You can go out every evening...

to get drunk with Afonsinho and Fernando,

and I can't have a drink with my friends?

You never invite me out, for dinner,

even for a picnic, Hon�rio. I have to go out by myself.

I didn't know you wanted to have a picnic.

And I need to tell you? Is that what you want?

An old-fashioned, silly woman...

Leila, don't exaggerate.

At home it's just as you preach: Equality, liberty, fraternity...

To hell with it, Hon�rio.

Taxi!

Hi!

What's up? What a coincidence!

Where do you know Mary from?

Well, I've known Mary... a long time...

You were holding hands with someone.

What?

You were holding hands with someone else? Who's the guy?

Fucking shit...

I'm dating.

You're fast. I'm still warm.

What does the asshole do?

- He's in advertising. - Advertising?

Advertising? He uses Macintosh, Lacoste shirts, Diesel trousers,

Puma snickers?

You know GW? The advertising agency?

- This asshole is the G? - No. He's the W. Wolney.

You left me for a guy named Wolney?

I always told you to carry on with your life.

Vit�ria, it's not as simple as that.

Well, bye now, we were leaving...

And Wolney is by himself. Bye.

Wolney...

- Are these the agreed terms? - Correct, Your Excellency.

Mrs Vit�ria is waving her right to a pension?

My client wants the other part to move on with his life.

My client has already said that it's not as easy as that.

Simple...

There are some shoes still under Mr Fernando's custody?

Exactly. But the other part may send for them.

- It's 31 pairs. - I've counted.

It's part of my duty to ask before I proclaim the separation:

Is this your wish?

It's my client's wish, and...

My client is requesting the suspension of this session.

What do you mean? Suspension? This is not some kind of game...

We can't stop to have dinner and resume later.

Doesn't she want the separation?

She needs to think.

Doesn't your client have anything else to do?

It's important that you really think well before signing...

the dissolution of your marriage.

I don't know.

I don't know, guys.

Vit�ria.

That's the worst kind of woman.

Confused. She doesn't fuck you, but doesn't let you go.

It's happened to me.

At 45 minutes of the second half... That's a joke.

Do you want to know about my ex?

How she's been fucking with me in the past months?

Hi.

Sorry, did I wake you up?

No, I was just... meditating.

Do you dribble when you meditate?

Always. A technique from Nepal.

- Are you OK? - Great.

And everything OK at home?

Do you want to visit my place?

- Your place? - There's nobody there.

Nobody in my place either. I got separated a short while ago.

That's so sad. I don't want to get married ever.

Men are so possessive.

Not all of them. You just have to find the right one.

There's no such thing.

When you realize that, there's no mistake.

Women have to learn not to raise expectations about future husbands.

They are just people with even more problems. And no solutions.

- Isn't that great? - Yes.

I read it in a magazine.

- So, are we going or not? - To your place?

Gabi, I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to your place,

especially if there's nobody there.

What are we going to do there?

- We can play backgammon. - I see.

Wanna go for a dip?

You go first, I'll be right there.

- You had a hard on. - So you nailed her?

Fooling around with minors is a felony.

Not if she's over 14, and it's consensual.

How do you know?

I researched it in college. Article 217-A. It's cool.

How sweet! She researched it.

Call her to go to your place.

Soon she will be 25 and you haven't nailed her.

That's a problem. I don't know if I can offer alcoholic drinks

to a 17 year old.

I don't know if I can offer beer, or wine...

Offer her some yoghurt.

Right, you guys are so clever! What would you do in my place?

Have you asked her what she would like to do?

If you don't want to go to my place,

we can go to the movies,

we can have a beer, go for a bicycle ride,

we can go for a samba in Lapa,

we can, I don't know, stay just the two of us...

Fucking shit! She gave you all those options and you didn't nail her?

You've nailed her, and don't want to tell us.

The chick is probably a virgin. 17 years, intact.

I don't want to carry that burden for the rest of my life.

- Nailing a virgin. - Fucking shit!

God gives nuts to those who don't have teeth.

Nando, the girl will lose her virginity to a boy with pimples,

braces and who thinks that Clitoris is an emo band.

Is that what you want? Is that what you want the world to know.

Right, now I feel like going to the whorehouse again.

The kids are sleeping. I'm going out.

Bye.

Hi.

Leave everything ready cause I have little time.

I'm going to destroy you, I'm possessed.

Fucking whore.

- Fom? Who died? - Alana?

What happened?

I was watching a movie and ended up missing you badly...

Afonso, only call me at this time if it's a case for the police or of AIDS.

It's 5 am! I can be romantic only after midday!

- Hi. - Hi.

- Are you OK? - OK and you?

- All is well. - Good.

Want me to help you with your backpack?

- No, you are carrying so much stuff. - It's OK...

I can manage.

Thanks.

My mum always tells me that I'll have back problems.

It's too heavy...

Do you think? It's no problem.

- Thank you. - I'll carry it for you.

Excuse me.

- So... - Wait, let me show you around.

- And your parents? - There's no one here.

My mum will come back in a short while.

- My bedroom is over here. - Your bedroom?

- Come on. - To your bedroom?

Come.

Excuse me...

Come here.

It's tough like this.

- I think I'm leaving then... - No, stay.

I'm asking you.

- Your mum's home. - My mum doesn't ring the bell.

She has the key.

Hi, Gaby. Are you OK? There's some mail here...

- I'll need your autograph. - OK.

What's this? Mr Fernando?

- Hi, Chulapa? Are you OK? - I'm OK.

So, Gabriela, next week we'll study second degree equations.

- OK. - Good-bye.

And biology too.

There's one more.

- Let me just... - Do you need help, Mr Fernando?

- Good-bye. - Good-bye. See you later.

- Here it is, Gabi. - Thank you.

- Here we go. - Cheers!

- We'll stay out here today? - Seu Jorge is cleaning a table.

Looking good, my man, just like a wannabe Don Juan.

- He's having a stool exam. - Fuck you, man.

- If it takes too long I won't stay. - What's up, man?

We've just arrived and haven't even chatted to the girls.

I pass! I'm not hunting men.

We also don't like frigid women.

He's calling us.

- Frigid women suck. - They suck.

You work hard, give your all, and the woman doesn't respond.

Beautiful... the color of your walls.

Terracota or tobacco?

I've always wanted to go to Vietnan. Apparently it's beautiful.

Do you know anyone who repairs antique clocks?

A frigid woman... The worst thing that can happen to a man of principles.

He resents not having led the lady to pleasure.

He kills himself. He dedicates himself. He has cramps.

And nothing. Nothing.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

- These lines suck. - Women take their time.

If you like, I can offer you the toilet in my place.

- I live nearby. - I am married.

That's great.

With a woman. F�tima.

F�tima? Beautiful name.

If F�tima is also dying to have a pee,

the three of us can go to my place.

It's always the same story.

Men always want to nail a lesbian. Why?

Why? Because...

I've had sex with men. I didn't like it.

You sweat too much.

It's very important to know that you've had sex with men...

You have no clue, you know. You hardly start the fuck...

and you already want to stick your dicks in.

Men always want to nail me.

To show me a dick of flesh and bone.

You don't need to be vulgar.

- A dick has no bone. - Doesn't it?

What lack of respect.

How are you? Well.

Who does she think she is talking to?

Were you in the sauna, man?

There was a hot chick lining up for the ladies' room.

- Hot, but nasty and a lesbo. - A lesbo?

Call her to have a beer with us.

Tell her there are many chicks here.

- I ordered some snacks for us. - Alright!

You will excuse me. I have a date, a dinner.

- What do you mean? - That's why he was all dressed up.

- Who will he dine with? - No idea. He's full of mystery.

Thank you!

- Cheers! - Cheers!

You're only having a salad?

I don't want to feel too full. I still have to work.

What?

What if we go to my place after dinner?

I can't, baby. I need to make some cash.

Actually, I shouldn't even be having dinner.

But I'm not complaining. Dinner is delicious.

What the fuck is this?

Your money. We didn't have sex, but...

Stick it up your ass.

Do you think I have dinner with you for money?

I sleep with you for money? I don't need your money!

If you don't need my money, you don't need anybody's money.

- And who will support me? - I'll support you, if you need my money.

Fonsinho, you're joking! You're 35 and can't even finish writing a book.

What kind of commitment a guy like that is prepared to make?

- Look... - Honestly...

Because I'm a whore I'm a sucker?

Alana!

Do this: Take your money and hire a writer!

You're joking... The writer gets negative reviews...

even in the whorehouse! Congrats!

- What's up, guys? Three blonds? - Yes.

Seu Jorge, have you nailed a blond?

Of course, Afonsinho. I'm a black man.

During Carnival, half of all Dutch women want to be fucked by me.

Are you crazy? Of course.

But I must say: I'm not too keen on blonds.

They're too dumb. Too fussy. You can't this, you can't that.

And most of them are false blonds.

You take their panties off, and the pubic hair is black.

I'm crazy for a black woman.

With a black woman, my instrument works by itself.

- Black women are great! - You've had one?

I tell you: My black lady, for example,

I just touch her with one finger and that's it, she screams like a siren.

The other day, at the community, she screamed so much,

they thought it was the police arriving.

I like screamers. It's better than the silent ones.

- The 17-year-old is a screamer? - None of your business.

- He's nailed her. - Stop it! Come on! She's 17.

- So what? - Sho what? She's 17.

And Vit�ria hasn't decided yet.

- You've nailed her. - I'm not saying it.

- Does she have hair down there? - I'm not saying anything.

I like the girl. I respect her.

Tell her: I'm going to put my little dick in your little ass.

Let uncle see your pussy. Let uncle kiss your pussy.

You are such jerks.

- Fucking lesbo. - What?

Lesbo is your fucking mother.

Tone down, guys, the other clients...

Hi, Afonsinho. Hi, Fernando. Hi, darling.

You left your keys at home.

Thank you for bringing them. The kids are with the sitter?

Yes, she'll sleep in their bedroom. I have to go, bye now.

- Bye, guys. - Bye.

Don't puke in the living room.

- Are you OK? Are the kids OK? - They are OK, thank you.

That redhead must have some kind of problem.

Some spiritual problem.

I have to check something up. Can you pay for me? I pay you guys later.

Wait, Hon�rio! We've just arrived!

Fuck it!

Seu Jorge...

How are you, Manuel?

- Very well, and you, madam? - Very well.

- 505? - That's it.

Have many people arrived?

A fucking m�nage?!

You scared me. My heart almost came out through my mouth.

Shame! If it had come out, I would've caught it!

Can you pay attention to me?

Sorry, Gabi.

I haven't done this in a car since I was 19.

And I don't have the courage to be the first. Too much responsibility.

How cute. Don't worry.

Someone took care of it last year.

Get off, get off!

- What's up, Chulapa? - Hey, Mr Fernando!

- Working on the pillar? - I have to.

Good evening. I'm going to 505.

You don't need to call them.

There must be a lot of people I don't want to disturb the... party.

I'll only show you, if you show me.

If you insist!

Suck it! Suck it hard!!

- Where's the m�nage? - Hon�rio?

I'm not hiring a writer. I'm firing a writer.

You can't stop playing, is that it?

Hon�rio, it's the opposite.

I can stop, I can start, I can bet,

I can win, I can lose, I'm not addicted.

But us!

We are betting our lives every time we go out separately with our friends,

away from one another.

Going out as if we were single.

I miss you, Leila.

When I was coming home, I kept thinking...

After your... your...

- My triumphant entrance? - Your ridiculous appearance.

When did we start to grow apart?

When did our relationship begin to explode?

Because I wanted to remember the first time you turned to me and said:

"I'm off'.

Cause I just thought: "Fuck it"' and said "I'm off too".

And when was it?

Do we need to know?

Now we have to do the archaeology of our relationship?

More, please.

- Ice? - I don't want ice.

I want heat, Hon�rio.

I want to go to the movies with you.

I want to lie down here, on a rainy day,

and watch a DVD.

I want to have dinner with you. I want to kiss you in the mouth.

I want to drink from the same glass.

When you're not here...

I feel as if I'd lost an arm.

I'm sorry.

I made some money.

Wait.

- You're addicted. - I'm not addicted. Wait.

I didn't give you before, cause I was afraid you'd think...

it was too capitalist.

That's for...

you to send me an email when you want to.

For you to take photos of our daughters and send to your mum.

That's my only betrayal, Hon�rio...

I love you.

Together, Leila, we're unbeatable.

No one can bring us down.

Hooray for the revolution!

Hooray for Brazil!

- Stop it! - I love you! I love you!

Not here...

Try not to scream, because of the kids.

I will come silently.

No! Not with your socks on.

I'm taking them off.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Are you OK? - Yes.

It's crowded in here.

But to tell you what I have to tell you, it's better this way.

Fuck...

- I'm pregnant. - Is it mine?

Of course not. Whose can it be?

- Wolney, the GW guy. - Wolney.

What does that mother fucker have that I don't.

The Lacoste shirts?

- Stop that. - How did that happen?

A miracle of Nature.

My seed and his seed...

The advertising man turned into an agronomist.

- How many months? - Two.

I'm moving in with him.

What about us? I thought you were thinking of coming back,

- because of that day in court. - I was confused.

You were confused, made a scene, and all of a sudden...

Life has decided for me.

- High or low? - High.

Next!

Pregnant. Can you believe it? I've been stuck for three months,

sleeping on the couch, not nailing anyone, and she...

And I'm not a writer...

And I thought that Leila was cheating on me.

- Was she? - No! Thank God, I'm not a loser!

I owe a lot of money, but I'm not a loser.

I'm no loser either! We had broken up when she...

And I am a fucking illiterate...

We are so cheerful today!

Not me! I'm celebrating!

- Seu Jorge! 3 Gin, Tonic! - Are you sure?

- Positive! - Please, Seu Jorge!

3 Gin, Tonic.

Please, Seu Jorge!

Fucking shit!

Fucking shit!

Shall we beat this guy up? Let's knock this Wolney around a bit!

- Let's smash his face up. - His agency is in the city center.

- No. We'd better go to our homes. - Are you afraid, loser?

Loser, your ass! I just don't want to kill anyone.

We're not killing anyone. We'll just slap him around a bit.

It isn't even a crime.

I saw it in Jornal Nacional. It's the so-called crime of passion.

Momentary deprivation of consciousness.

I'm completely deprived of my consciousness. I must say,

we all are!

- Come on, loser! - Your father is a loser.

Do you think he is at the agency now?

Of course. Those guys work nonstop.

Let's go! Let's beat the crap out of W.

- Let's go, loser! - Good boy!

You slap the son of a bitch around.

- I'm going to knock him down. - No, you won't. You can't kill a fly.

- Taxi! - Taxi!

Let's wait for him to come out, and observe the guy,

check his biotype.

Call him now and tell him:

"Fuck it!

I need to speak to you right now down here. It's urgent."

- I'll do that. - Good for you!

I'll speak in Vit�ria's name. He will fall for it.

He's coming down.

- Did he fall for your story? - The guy is in advertising.

There. The GW building is over there.

- It's him. That's the guy. - Man, he's big.

I'm sure. I saw it on facebook.

Let's go!

Afonsinho Castro Silva!

Don't you recognize me, mother fucker? Give me a hug!

Fuck it! It's Jiu-jitsu!

Fuck. How long has it been? Ten years?

- In Chile. It was in Chile. - Yes. Skiing season.

- You only did crossword puzzles. - I like that.

- Today still? - Today still.

Tato Tatoso burst his knee, had come back by jet.

Fucking shit! It's fucking late. How are you?

I'm coming along.

I came out to have a smoke... that's fucking destiny.

What are you doing here at this time?

I was... having a walk with my friends.

Lier! You were smoking pot? I want some! Give it to me!

The weed. Where's the weed?

I was just drinking with my friends. Getting pissed.

- What are you up to, you fuck? - I'm a writer.

A writer? You will work for me.

- I'm finishing a book. - Fuck it! You'll work for me.

You'll make a lot of money!

Meeting you here was a destiny thing.

You'll work for me. Will make videos and win awards...

to advertise, to do commercials.

Me in advertising? Working with advertising?

Advertising! Fucking great energy in GW.

We work our backsides off.

There are 20 more people inside working their backsides off.

Coffee... These late nights we just think about...

Cannes!

- Come, I'll introduce you to the team! - Wait! Me, in advertising?

Yes! Advertising! What's up, faggot?

Didn't you call me! A friend of Vit�ria's?

Faggot! Afonsinho...

I hadn't seen the son of a bitch in ages.

Shit! You chickened out!

- Fuck! - What's the problem, Hon�rio?

Don't fuck with me.

Fonsinho?

Fonsinho? Fonsinho?

Hey.

Are you OK? What happened?

I want to marry you.

You are drunk.

But I want to marry you only tomorrow.

I'll sober up tomorrow. I swear.

And it's not because I'm drunk.

I want to marry you because I love you.

I'll take you home, OK?

Fonsinho.

Fonsinho.

Fonsinho.

Oh, my God.

I wanna marry you, my love.

Right. To take me out of the brothel. Like Odair Jos�'s song?

I've slept with many women.

I've seen a lot of things, but now I realize.

I know what it is like. I want to wake up next to you.

- Hi. - Hi.

- You stink. - I drank a little.

Strong booze?

I came to call you for a dip.

Sorry, Gabi. I can't.

I feel lousy.

Can I take care of you?

Do you want anything?

Water? Tea? A... yoghurt?

I want something else.

Slowly, cause I'm a virgin.

You took so long.

I couldn't find a spot to park.

Remember the first time we came here?

Look what I brought for us to celebrate.

Great! Champagne.

Open it!

No, no! Take off your glasses.

I want to see your eyes.

Just the two of us.

Cheers.

A little more.

The War of the Sexes, the battle of the night, will never have a winner.

There will never be a lap of honor. The end, it's over.

You know why?

Because there's too much socializing between the enemies.

We always want peace.

But let's suppose the War of the Sexes does exist.

If there was, who would win?

I tell you: It's the one who surrenders. See the irony?

The one who surrenders, hands up and all.

The one who chooses love, goodnight kisses, a nice lap.

Without a woman we're purposeless.

We feel as lost as a fart in a perfume factory.

We feel sad.

Like that guy's song:

- "It's impossible to be happy alone..." - Tom Jobim.

Tom Jobim! He got married nine times. Nine!

No! That was Vin�cius de Moraes.

Fuck it. Vin�cius, Tom, those guys were in sync.

Those guys knew that, to be happy, we need a woman.

That one! The only one.

It's happened to me.

She can be 17 like yours, 26 like Afonsinho's,

or 40 like mine. Without them,

we cant' even draw an "O" on the sand with our asses.

Draw an "O" on the sand with the ass. Beautiful.

Did you like that? Drummond!

That's a good one!

In the past, when I went over the top

or did something wrong

Two draft beers!

Naturally my mum said

He's only a kid, and doesn't understand anything

And I laughed within, feeling happy and quiet

I was a man and understood everything

Today, alone, with my problems

I pray a lot, but I don't fool myself

People always tell me when I'm serious

He is a man and understands everything

Deep inside with a tormented soul

I am a kid and I don't understand anything

So beautiful!

In the past, when I went over the top

Or did something wrong

Naturally my mum said

He's only a kid, and doesn't understand anything

And I laughed within, feeling happy and quiet

I was a man and understood everything

Today, alone, with my problems

I pray a lot, but I don't fool myself

People always tell me when I'm serious

He is a man and understands everything

Deep inside with a tormented soul

I am a kid and I don't understand anything

I'm tossing the bouquet!

One, two...

Rio de Janeiro is my scenery, sweetheart.

And I wasn't born to be a sucker.

So let's go, cause we have a lot to talk about.

Excuse me. Take you beer, my love.

That's it Come, sweetheart. Let's go.

Yes, over here.

Cut!

Done by (c) dCd / September 2012