Original subtitles

Humming "My Sharona" by the The Knack - My Corona! - Oh, "My Corona."

This story is freaking me out.

The what?

All this virus shit.

Mm.

But I'm sure we'll be okay.

Yeah.

Theme music

We went on the trip and I just did what I had to to

keep him calm and happy.

He requires a great deal of attention.

Mm-hm.

Mm.

It is attention, attention, attention, - attention, attention. - Mm-hm.

Describe it.

How does that show up?

I mean, he's very verbal.

If I'm not giving him enough attention, he'll tell me,

"You're not giving me enough attention."

- Mm-hm. - Yeah.

What kind of attention?

Well, I mean, anything from, like, actual physical...

- Contact. - Yeah, like physical.

Like, just even touch.

Mm-hm.

He wants a hug all the time.

Mm-hm.

- To sexual. - Mm-hm.

To...

like, we text all day long.

So there's no real separation.

Right now, I'm working some different hours so our sleep

schedule is a little different.

And he's having to sleep on his own a little bit.

So I think that's giving him some anxiety as well.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

This might sound weird but can you tell me something about your...

about growing up?

Um, sure.

I left home when I was 14

to start ballet professionally in a different city.

Where did you go?

I started in Naples at 14.

And then I moved to Germany at 16.

So I've been away from my family...

- Since you were a kid. - Since I was a baby.

Yeah.

Emotionally, how did it impact you?

Um, it was actually I got more homesick the older I got.

Now, especially, I'm more homesick than I used to be when

- I was younger. - Yeah.

I was fine and comfortable when I was young to be by myself.

Now, I can't be in a room on my own.

I always need someone around, or be with someone,

otherwise I just think too much and I have, like...

- Yeah, I have anxiety. - Anxiety.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

That somehow doesn't surprise me because you can't...

I mean, 14, you're kind of a baby.

But I wonder how... I mean, to understand something about how

that brings the two of you together,

how it plays out between the two of you,

particularly in terms of Matthew's drinking history.

What does it mean to you, Gianni,

to attach to someone who is dropping like this?

I mean, one thought I'm having immediately is,

like, connecting to someone who is actually in a state of great

desperation or need is a way for you to work through some of your

own stuff by taking care of Matthew.

And for you?

What was going on with you that you were putting your life at such risk?

Why were you attacking yourself so fiercely?

Why didn't you care?

Not in a blame way, in a real question to yourself.

What happened to you?

Why?

- See you next week. - Next week, yes.

- Goodnight. - Thank you so much.

Dramatic music - See you next week. - Thank you so much.

Governor Andrew Cuomo has now ordered 100

percent of nonessential workers in New York State to stay home.

Come on, Nico.

Come on.

Only essential personnel will be allowed to go to work.

The governor insinuating that we may not have schools again this year.

This could get out-of-control very quickly.

We have no idea how long this lockdown will last.

Ambient music Record.

When is the last time you did, um, actual math stuff?

What?

Hi.

Hi.

How are you two?

Could be better.

I'm feeling a little bit cooped-up.

You know, both kids' schools are closed, so they're home all day

every day.

Whoa!

I felt like I was just going crazy.

And then he told me he would be here all day with me, working from home.

And I was just so happy.

But my frustration level with him hasn't changed.

I still feel like I wanna kill him.

I feel like definitely because he's home,

I have more direct contact with him,

so I see what he's doing like every day, all day.

And he's been spending a lot of time wasting his time.

And at the same time, you know, I'm working on my company,

and then there's the kids and the housecleaning and just

everything that goes along with that.

And when I, like, see that he's spending hours watching TV or

talking to his friends, I just feel very taken advantage of.

Okay.

We'll get back there.

I want to hear Michael's perspective on this.

She doesn't know what exactly it is I do,

and she doesn't know what I'm able to do while I'm doing that.

I just feel so annoyed that, why do I have to go into the weeds

- as to what I'm able to do? - You literally do nothing.

Literally.

Do you realize that right now if I worked one day a week,

which I'm doing now, I would make more than you make in an entire week?

You literally do nothing.

You're so lazy.

Your existence is worthless right now.

It's absolutely worthless.

I want to make a suggestion.

Like, the kids are more dirty.

Like, I don't understand.

Did you give Olivia a bath today?

Because she seems to be wearing the same thing as last night.

Surprise, surprise!

Not surprised at all, actually.

Michal, Michal... Did either of them eat anything that wasn't junk?

Michal, I need you to engage with me in a way because we

can't have you just keep repeating yourself.

I really get it.

But do you want some help in changing things?

Yeah, but I don't think that things are gonna change by him

just constantly saying, "I disagree.

I disagree.

She doesn't see me.

She doesn't see what I do."

You know what, you want me to not see what you do?

Stop doing everything, because you literally do nothing.

So just stop working!

Stop it!

I don't need you anymore, okay?!

Michal!

Michal, you are unraveling.

Michal.

Can you engage with me?

I understand what's frustrating you.

But the way you're doing it is not working.

It's really not working.

But Michal, what if you were for a while not in the

business of handling Michael?

What if we did it the opposite and he tried a little bit to be

more like me?

And see how hard it is to do all the things that I just do

for him and for this family?

Honestly, I think that I probably do more for the family than she does.

I'm sorry but this is just such bullshit.

Hold on, hold on one second.

When I hear something like that, I literally want to smack him.

I'm not managing to have much of an impact,

and I don't know if it's partially due to this technology.

But it's very difficult for me to intervene at all.

I feel like either you don't hear me or you're not interested

or you're too invested in this thing that the two of you do and

you don't actually want help from the outside.

I do want help.

I want to try.

I would be happy to try to do this.

Okay.

So if you started doing a few things that you're watching

Michael doing and you're feeling envious of, what would that be?

Um... Well, I feel like he spends a lot of time watching TV,

talking to his friends, not really taking care of the kids

but just kind of hanging around and playing with them.

So I want to do all those things.

Okay, so can I now give you kind of a doctor's

prescription that every day, you're taking two hours a day to

do that?

Two hours a day.

How am I gonna fit it into my schedule?

I'm serious.

Okay.

And whatever you want done during those two hours, dump it onto Michael.

And Michael will have to do it his way.

Right.

Okay, fine.

Okay.

Ambient music

Maybe we could start with how you feel yourself

relative to the remote way of life that we're in.

I mean, with certain couples, when they get too embroiled in

their conflict, it's harder for me to get in there and stop the

action and have them listen to me.

It's harder to stop it because of the screen?

It's easier for them to leave me out I think because of the technology.

Yeah.

They're in the room together, and I'm on the screen.

I could totally imagine that you're trying to go like this.

Right!

Here!

I'm here to help you!

And it's like, do they not hear me?

I don't understand.

And part of me feels, like... kind of outraged.

I'm your therapist and you're, like, not listening to me one bit.

Right.

Right.

All right, check this out.

Their issue with Michal's dogged belief that if

she changed him, things would get better.

Yes.

And there's something about it that's very convenient for him.

I don't think he understands the degree to which he is,

in a way, exploiting her.

But some of the work has to do just with lockdown,

kids at home, on view to each other 24/7.

Another thing that I've found is the couples

who were not doing well, this has not done anything good for

them.

Right.

This pandemic, like, it brings out where a couple really is.

Oh, who's that?

Macy and Scotty.

Oh, my God!

So cute!

Oh.

So cute.

So Gianni, where is your family in Italy?

- It's in the south. - In the south.

It's still not, uh... Not as bad.

Not as bad as the north of Italy.

But the entire country's shut down and I was... I'm here, they're there.

- There's nothing that I can do. - Right.

But tell me, how is it for you?

Awful.

Awful, but, like, describe.

There was a time... I mean, last week I couldn't stop crying.

And I'm already anxious myself, and now this is giving me a lot

of anxiety.

It's not that I can go to the gym or dance because everything

is closed here too, so it's hard to relieve all this anxiety.

I have to be honest, I have been drinking a little bit now because I'm...

because of this.

Ooh.

Yeah.

That's not good.

Do you want to say something about that, Matthew?

I mean, he was just trying to push this session

because he drank too much last night, and, I mean, it's kind of like,

well... I don't care, but at the same time, that's not appropriate.

And that's not helping the situation.

He's been very upset over the last several weeks and he's

been, you know... he's been really taking this pandemic to,

uh, a whole 'nother level.

I mean, it's... I leave him alone for a little bit and then he...

you know.

It's not every day.

- I did it last night because... - Wait, hold on.

But then he...?

You leave him alone and then...?

And he just, you know, drank a couple bottles of wine.

Okay, I'm very glad we're having a session.

Let's try to help with this.

Gianni, just talk.

Tell me what's going on through your mind, the feelings that come up.

I just fear, you know, like, my dad is not that young.

How old is he?

He's 52.

- 52? - Yeah.

I know it's fine, but you know, they don't have many

hospitals where I'm from.

The closest hospital is like 40 minutes away.

Yeah.

And then yes, one day or another,

I do enjoy a bottle of wine at home and I could just,

you know, maybe don't think a little bit.

I try to be careful with the situation, you know.

I don't want to put bottles in front of him and, like, just tempt him.

Obviously, I know that...

But just the existence of drinking around is probably not

a great idea for someone who is really in the first year of recovery.

I mean, I always ask him.

- And he always says... - You shouldn't ask.

I'm telling you.

- Just not good. - Yeah.

I'm taking a very strong position here but I think you

guys should not go the booze direction.

Tense acoustic guitar

It's been really hard.

It's been very stressful.

It's been very anxiety-inducing.

Your knees is where the thigh ends.

No, no, no.

You have knees here...

I feel like it's starting to mess with me a little bit.

Being stuck in the house and, I don't know,

I feel like it's getting more tense for us.

We've been in the apartment for a month now.

Like, a month locked in.

And we don't know how long this is gonna go on.

One more month, two more month...

The quarantine forces people to give up their exit

fantasies.

Yes.

Whether the exit is "If my partner is making me crazy,

I'm gonna go drink, " " If my partner's making me crazy,

I'm gonna plan leaving," or "I'm gonna stonewall them for a

week."

There are all these exits that people have to get out of the

intensity of whatever's brewing.

So the quarantine is a situation where, I mean, in a way there's no exit.

So people on some level have to function as if "This is my

partner, this is real, I'm doing this."

The kids are not in school.

I'm not working right now.

He's still working.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Trains gotta move.

It's a little scary, you know, being at work in the subways.

You never know what you could bring home to the family.

He sent me a text last week about, um, our sex life.

That he's not very happy with.

How was this text phrased, Dru?

I just told her that it's non-existent.

I feel like I'm not wanted.

Um... Meaning you're feeling unwanted and...

And feeling like I don't even know how to even go about sex

with her anymore because there's been plenty of times where she's

denied it or she gives an attitude about it and she's just

like, "Ugh, fine, okay."

You know, it's not even about the physicality of the sex.

It's more of the feeling that you get from your partner from that.

So Tashira, how was it to receive this text?

I was a little annoyed, to be honest.

And I responded to him two days later and I was honest with him.

Two days you just didn't respond?

No, I didn't... No, I didn't respond.

What was going on inside you during those two days?

You know, it's difficult to say out loud that I find he is more

attracted to me than I am of him and,

um...

you know, his weight.

And I know he has an issue with it as well because we've only

had sex maybe three times completely naked.

I mean, I've been completely naked, you know, but he hasn't.

Dru, you don't get undressed?

Yeah, I'm just wearing my t-shirt.

I'm just used to it.

I'm not 100 percent comfortable with my weight.

But down the line, during our relationship,

she's... she's said some bad things in an argument about my weight,

so I don't understand how you could make me feel

any comfortable in wanting to get fully naked.

So yeah, but to come to the actual point of it,

she's just not attracted to me because of my weight.

I don't know if it's because of the way that maybe I gained a

couple of weight after the baby was born when we moved

in, or maybe she's never been comfortable with it.

I don't know.

She needs to figure it out, because if she's not attracted,

then that's that.

Because obviously if there's no attraction, there's no relationship.

And I'm at that point where I'm just...

every time, it's just a new issue.

If it's not, we can't talk about it, she feels like she can't

talk to me, or if it's not the resentment of having the baby,

or if it's not the resentment of moving in together,

and now it's the weight thing.

So every time, it's just a new thing.

You know?

And I'm just tired at this point.

But let me ask: Tashira, does... it does seem like you...

I don't actually get a real sense that you're invested in

- the relationship. - No.

Am I wrong?

No, not to... not... No, you're not wrong.

So what are we doing?

I mean, I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm trying to...

work on this.

I mean, like I said before...

I think your way of, um, bringing yourself into,

let's say, this kind of therapy might be similar to what you're

doing in the relationship, which is you show up

and your entire message seems to be "I got nothing.

I have no wish here."

Which might be simply that indeed you've got nothing.

You don't have any interest.

Or it might be your way of positioning yourself.

And I think that's something for you to think really hard about.

Okay.

What do you want?

To be alone with the kids.

That's what she wants.

To be alone.

With the kids.

- Not with me. - Is that what you want?

It's not always what I want, you know?

I mean...

He... he supports me.

You know?

And I know that if something were to happen, he would always

be there for me.

But...

I don't know, maybe I'm just scared.

Of?

Of... Being close to somebody.

Of giving somebody that... I gotta check on the baby.

He's crying.

Giving somebody that power, I guess.

Of committing to somebody in that way.

You know, it's easier when you're alone.

It's just you.

You don't have to depend on anybody.

So I... you know, it's not easy.

It's not easy for me.

I mean... -Hi! - Say hi.

Good morning!

Aw.

That is so sweet.

Wanna put him on his chair?

I'll see if.

So yeah, I just think that, um...

You have a lot of fear of connecting and depending.

Yeah.

I do, for sure.

You know, and that's what I mean when I say, like, "I know he's a

good guy."

You know?

He's one of the best guys that I've ever had.

Um...

So I know that if I continue this way, I may lose him.

Say more.

You know, I mean, I'm trying, I'm here.

I'm trying to figure this out and do this with him to the best

that I can but sometimes, I don't know if I can.

I love you, but you always drag me down

You're dragging me down Say you want it, then you never make a sound

You don't make a sound But there's nobody

But there's nobody But there's nobody gets me like you

And there's nobody gets me like you You try to walk a line

I put it overtime We keep it all inside

You never lost the vibe I live in overdrive