Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Good evening.

I'm Mister Pat.

and I'm... and I am...

back.

Good afternoon, residents.

Lunch will be served in five minutes.

Our special item of the day, fruit cocktail.

Good, Pat. Keep those legs moving.

A word?

What's it, Doc? What's it say?

I wouldn't suggest a...

No, I don't think so, the words are too small.

You guys gonna go outside?

- I wouldn't. I'm not going... - You're going outside?

- ...or I think I will. - No, no.

I'll help you get out there.

We'll have a little picnic outside.

It won't hurt my hair or anything if it's windy.

You're not getting hurt by any of that.

You're not gonna let me go outside with you?

Sure, it'll be fine.

I don't know. I don't know.

I think my daughter is coming today.

How is your book coming along?

It's not very interesting.

Why do you keep reading it?

I haven't got anything else to do.

That's too bad.

Eunice!

Eunice!

Pat! You're still alive?

What did I tell you about

keeping your head elevated?

What am I gonna do with you?

There you go.

I saw that, bitch.

Girl, you are too much.

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning, miss.

A Mr. Shanrock here to see you. Says he's an attorney.

Should I tell him you dead?

Patrick Pitsenbarger! It's been years.

Have you seen The Register today?

I'm sorry to let you know that,

a former client has passed away.

We've lost...

Rita Parker Sloan.

Rita specified in her will that you

were to do her hair and make-up for the funeral.

Uh, first showing is day after tomorrow at 11:00 a.m.

Ransom Funeral Home will require your services tomorrow night.

That photo is from a year ago.

Perhaps you could recreate the same hairstyle?

- Split ends and all? - He speaks!

Oh, I'll... I'll never forget...

how you used to make up Rita for her Christmas parties

at the mansion.

Boy oh boy, Patrick...

you made Rita Parker Sloan

the most glamorous woman in town.

She should have updated her will.

I entered her final revisions personally

a week before she died.

Rita left me as a client. You remember?

I also remember you were close friends,

dear friends.

I haven't pulled hair in years.

Naturally, the will makes a provision

for services rendered.

Rita wants to make things right.

I'm retired.

Let bygones be bygones, Patrick.

It's not healthy to hold a grudge.

You would deny a great woman her dying wish?

Show the gentleman the door.

Mr. Shanrock?

Bury her with bad hair.

The medication window

is now open. The medication...

You smoking in here, Pat?

Uh-uh. Well, let's elevate your head.

Okay, stay calm, stay calm.

Breathe.

How many times have you promised?

Where they at, Pat?

I know they are around here somewhere.

Sometimes I think you want to have another stroke.

Shaundell, that's all I have.

Miss Gertie always had beautiful hair.

Remember this one?

Beautiful.

Don't worry.

We will clean it up.

Here, it's open.

- Morning. - Hello.

Is the Ransom Funeral Home still downtown?

Yes, sir.

Water Street, just down past the Parker Sloan Mansion.

Have a nice day.

It's some hike from here though.

Sir, are you all right?

Lemme give you a hand.

I'm fine.

Can I give you a ride to Ransom?

No, no, no.

I'm going shopping.

- Pack of Mores. - Mores? For real?

Folks don't ask for these nowadays.

Your wife still smokes Mores?

She adores them.

Knapp Beauty Supply, still on Tiffin Avenue?

No clue, dude.

Uh, there's a fabulous salon down by the waterfront,

Dee Dee Dale's place.

She's still alive?

- Dee Dee has everything. - Thank you, miss,

but my client demands high quality beauty products.

Like Vivanté.

They still make Vivanté?

5.23.

For one pack?

You can charge it instead?

- You cash checks? - Personal?

Government.

I know what you're thinking.

"How could someone so flawless,

possibly be on Social Security?"

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Two more packs of Mores for the road.

21.92 is your change.

And some tickets.

Two, "Some Like it Hot", eight, "Casino Royale"

and one, "Fastest Road To One Million."

Hit me.

Hm.

That rock sure is different.

There are plenty more where this came from.

David gave them all to me and each one has a story.

I'll bet.

- I have a job to do. - What's that?

I have to make a lady beautiful. Her hair.

Is that what you do?

- You are a beautician? - Yeah.

I was. Yeah, yeah.

I'm a hairdresser, I was very successful...

- Oh! - ...when I was young in this beautiful town.

I had the best clients, the richest woman.

- Who was that? - And then...

- What? - Who was that?

Rita.

And then, my assistant opened her own store

right across from me.

And took one of my most important clients with her.

- That took some nerve. - Yeah, and then my friend died.

Your friend, David?

Yeah, David died. And I took a second mortgage.

But, the nephew took everything. He got everything. I lost it.

- What did David die of? - AIDS.

Hello.

Sandusky.

Now, you know, there's a lot of things that I am not,

- and the one is one of them. - I know that.

I know that, girl. I know it.

Honey, you are a fiery one yourself too.

- This used to be... - White?

My beauty supply store.

- I had an account. - Oh.

You goin' way back in the day.

Whatchu looking for?

Perfect Powder Bleach and Vivanté.

You won't get that here.

And baby, that smack don't stick to nappy heads.

Now, if you want some Kizzy's Daughter Pomade,

or Miss Zora's Buttercream.

Hell, even some juicy ass Jerri Curl, I got you.

- Try Dee Dee Dale's downtown. - I'd rather swallow mucus.

Oh!

Why don't you tell us, how you really feel?

He right though, I graduated with Dee Dee and she nasty.

Well, Dee Dee's the only game in town these days, for real.

Aw, baby. You look like your poodle just died.

I mean, we lost our Sally Beauty.

Unless you finna drive all the way out to Lorain.

Whoa, hold up, baby. Slow your roll.

Now, your poor, white head turned to a hot damn crisp.

Yes, it is.

I don't suppose you sell sunscreen?

Sunscreen! You...

Oh, bless his heart. Help him out.

Hmm.

Here, take Erma's hat.

I don't wanna hear nothing about no skin cancer.

And Erma won't miss it?

No, baby. Erma's dead.

Erma don't miss shit.

Come on, sashay.

"Hattitude."

- "Hattitude" - Ro Ro: Yes. That girl!

- My goodness. - A mess.

Oh, child.

102.7.

It's gonna be another scorcher out there, Sandusky.

Checking the weather, it is hot!

Let's go.

What? Oh!

- Bye. - Bye.

Hey, mister.

Everyone's here.

Come out to the garden.

Can you hear me?

You tore my house down?

- She was just too far gone. - We feel sick.

Did you find anything down there?

- Like what? - There was a box of Vivanté.

Ooh! Don't go anywhere.

Please, let's step outside.

Here, David and I planted the calla lilies.

And there, was the fountain.

Oh, is that what that was?

My client,

Rita, donated the tiles she brought back from Italy,

to do her master bath.

But then she changed her mind about the color.

David built it. Everything from scratch.

- Sounds like quite a guy. - But he didn't have a will.

Oh.

His nephew inherited everything.

Well, at least something like that can never happen today.

- Yeah. Great. - Surprise! Remember this?

Where's my shampoo?

This was all that was left in your old house.

I think I should go.

Will you come back and visit sometime?

Yeah.

- Bye, Pat. - Bye.

Thanks for the lunch!

Sandusky, here I come.

- Hello. - Hi.

Eunice?

Eunice?

Eunice.

Shanrock and Shanrock.

Uh, Walter Shanrock, please.

He's at the courthouse until 4:00.

- What's this in reference to? - Rita Parker Sloan.

Uh, cream and sugar.

Try Dee Dee Dale's downtown.

Dee Dee has everything.

I graduated with Dee Dee. She nasty.

That'll be 83 cents.

Thank you.

Hey, mister.

Come to the garden.

So sorry to hear about Rita.

Yes, great woman.

Mr. Shanrock.

- Mr. Shanrock? - Pat?

I'll do Rita. One condition.

I need cash now.

Oh, I'm sure, Rita would be tickled pink.

But there's a protocol, Pat.

I can't just make a withdrawal from First Sandusky.

Oh no? Your brother owns the bank!

We will be delighted to prepare a certified check

for 25,000 dollars after the estate clears probate.

- And how long will that take? - No more than six months.

Six months? I'll be dead by then!

Listen, buster. I know we've had our ups and downs.

But like I told you,

when your partner's next of kin retained the firm,

to settle his estate, I don't make the rules.

And I most certainly don't walk around town

with my client's money.

I have expenses. I have to purchase beauty products.

Give me a loan. Some kind of advance, please.

Would two tens help?

The Ransoms will have Rita ready by 7:00 p.m. tonight.

Please be prompt. You know Sherman doesn't like to wait.

Please stop! Please stop! Please stop!

- Jeffrey, keep the change. - Why, thank you.

I don't have a two, I don't have three,

I don't have four, but I have five.

Linda, I'm gonna take you at five.

We're gonna do the straightener.

- Do you have an appointment? - No.

Okay. I'm just gonna put this in for you.

And, here's five percent off of your next

and you'll have Caroline. She's so good. Okay, darling?

- Thank you very much. - Of course.

- Have a wonderful day. - You too.

Oh my God.

Pat?

Is it you?

No.

You look so...

athletic.

Wow. Come on in.

Now, Tristan, check this out.

This man gave me my first job in the business.

And now he is, mopping your Vivanté.

Well...

he shouldn't have done that, but after all,

you gotta catch this guy a break 'cause, he really is a legend.

This is Patrick Pitsenbarger.

He did all the socialites of Sandusky back in the day.

That's right. Once upon a time.

Well, I can dust that off for you if you want.

Yeah, you know, I started off sweeping hair,

and then, I worked my way all the way up to second chair.

I was so proud when Dee Dee opened up her own shop.

Right across the street from mine.

You know, Patrick was always so particular.

And Dee Dee was very nice to my clients.

In fact, she took my best one with her when she quit.

Well, Sandusky is...

having a real comeback right now, huh?

Maybe...

My business is doing great. I know that.

I mean, I've had to expand this place and make it

a multi-service salon with all the amenities.

Clients want craft, Dee Dee, not bells and whistles.

No...

God forbid, you ever listened to anybody about anything.

You know what, they, uh...

they've discontinued the Vivanté

because it's... It's got too high VOCs.

But you know, I mean, there's plenty

of green and clean technologies

you know, that came up after you lost your little shop.

But that's okay. It's Rita's favorite.

Oh.

Well, maybe, you're gonna have to tell Rita that in Heaven.

I mean, you don't even know this,

but Rita kicked the bucket this week.

My dear, I'm on the way to Ransom.

No, you're not.

Sherman is doing her, in house.

Shanrock came personally. And he begged me.

He begged me to do her hair.

Really?

In death, Rita remembered that she had taste.

Taste or dementia? You decide.

But anyway, you know, whatever you gotta do

to feel good about yourself.

Guess what, I'm gonna give this to you for 2.49.

That's a dead stock discount.

Oh, you don't have the money?

Aw, I'm sorry. I can't give it to you.

Because guess what,

I'm still waiting for my last three paychecks.

All right... silly!

So it's... I'm gonna give it to you.

It's just, I mean, I...

I don't know how much it's gonna do you because, you know...

all the bald spots.

I didn't steal Rita from you, Mister Pat.

You dropped the ball and I was there to catch it.

Eunice?

Eunice!

WCPZ...

Hmm.

- You made me blonde. - Excuse me?

I wasn't sure at first,

but then I saw the rings and I knew.

I came to you when I was nineteen. Remember?

Yes.

I wouldn't think you would remember.

I only came in there once.

I'm sorry.

Are you kidding me? You were wonderful.

I had a young one at the time

and I couldn't keep up with the blonde maintenance.

Or the price, as I recall. You weren't cheap.

No?

I'm surprised you still remember me.

Who could forget the "Liberace of Sandusky?"

Was I that butch?

Can I help you find something?

How about everything?

Oh! Give me one second.

Ta-da!

I've been saving it for the right customer.

Try it on?

So, how's it fitting?

Not sure I can still pull it off.

Show me.

Don't move.

The icing on the cake.

You're starting to look like you again.

Thank you, Sue.

How did you know my name?

You came for a perm

and I talked you into a "Dorothy Hamill."

And you told me that you dropped out of nursing school

because you got pregnant.

And the name of your son, is Danny.

You know, sometimes, it takes a while.

But it's all up there somewhere.

My husband thought the "Dorothy Hamill" cut

was too short, by the way.

But, looking back... I never felt prettier.

It's still in there.

I wish.

I must tell you something.

I don't have any money.

- Hello. - Hello.

Sandusky.

Sandusky!

Pat is back.

It's a win-win proposition.

We... We'll sharpen our pencils

and make it happen.

Uh, that's the funeral home. Let me circle back to you later.

Mr. Ransom.

No, it's 50 extra chairs, not 30.

She was very specific.

Oh, I appreciate you going the extra mile for grandma.

Thank you, sir.

Hello?

I can still see you there.

- What do you want? - I'm the hairdresser.

Oh my God. Pat?

I'm Dustin.

Rita's grandson.

So nice to finally meet you!

I remember when you were born.

Well, this calls for a highball. Please.

Welcome. Please, come in.

Thank you.

We had hospice in the home.

Come.

Did you style her wedding?

All three of them.

Grandma chose all the photos for her funeral display.

She was... She was quite the perfectionist.

Is that what you call it?

So, how did you put up with her all those years?

Canadian whiskey. Rocks.

I'll get it.

You must have some great memories of this house.

I never set foot inside.

What?

What about all those parties?

I always knew my place.

I'll get some ice.

You have reached Rita Parker Sloan.

Please leave a message,

and I shall return your call at my earliest convenience.

Pat?

Another double, please.

- Oh, thirsty, huh? - Mm-hmm.

In five minutes...

I'm supposed to make a dead bitch look human.

Not sure I'm up for the challenge.

At least she won't complain.

For once.

Was she a handful?

Oh! A demanding, Republican monster,

but she had great taste, in shoes.

Sounds like a nightmare.

I adored her.

Nobody remembers me.

I used to perform here... every Saturday night.

Really? What was your drag name?

Mister Pat.

Must have been before my time.

Yes. It was before you were conceived.

- You see that stage? - Uh-huh.

My lover, David, built that. He was, uh, very handy.

In more ways than one.

I sewed the curtains,

and Eunice put the glitter in the paint.

Every queen in town pitched in to open this dump.

But maybe you're too young to know who Tim and Mike was.

They opened the bar.

There were so many people I remember.

Miss Cheesecake, Dirty Ankle?

And there was one very interesting customer.

Harry.

He was a truck driver and he came every Saturday

to see me perform.

"Mister Pat." He was very nice.

Well, I heard that most of the regulars

stopped coming out. But... But maybe your friends will

will make it tonight, for old times' sake.

This place was family.

What's happened with the crystal chandelier,

that hung above the dance floor?

It got old. They took it down.

Huh.

Another of Rita's hand-me-downs.

If she would have known, what these crystals have seen.

Oh!

- What? Where? - Tonight's the last night.

I don't understand.

Harvey sold out to some young gay couple.

They're turning the whole building into this

straight, gastro micro brew pub.

"Gastro" what?

They are installing giant tanks to brew artisan craft beer.

But where will we dance?

- Here. Keep the change. - Hey, big spender.

I'm back.

Why don't you see me?

I'm right here.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Pick it up, guys. We're falling behind.

Send that arrangement back. Everything must be perfect.

Taxi!

- Where to? - I don't know. Just drive!

Grandma chose all the photos

for her funeral display.

Rita wants to make things right.

God forbid

you ever listen to anybody about anything.

Eunice?

Eunice.

Yeah?

Holy hell!

Pat, you're still alive?

- You're still sucking cock? - Christ on the cross, queen.

A bitch can't even powder her nose

without getting the third degree.

Now, step back, lemme get a good look at you.

You look fantastic.

Shit, I just saw your shoes.

Oh baby, I missed you.

I missed you too. Don't overdo it.

Oh, I always do.

Hmm.

I heard the Fruit and Nut is closing. You going?

I haven't set foot in years.

Why not?

Gay bars are so '90s.

The Velvet Slipper's gone in Lorain

and the bar in Mansfield's about to close too.

- Our safe places. - Mm-hmm.

I mean, who needs the Fruit and Nut

when they can hold hands at Applebee's?

Besides, that place made me a goddamn drunk.

Do you remember what we performed for the opening night?

Oh, and thank God I talked you out

of that Marlene Dietrich number.

But your Shirley Bassey routine brought down the house!

And you did both, the Peaches and Herb.

- At the same time. - At the same time.

Girl, you taught me everything I never wanted to know.

- You got a call. - Oops.

- One of your boys? - Lemme tell ya something.

The trade on here, would make your head spin.

Show me.

Ah!

I do better on here, than I ever did in the bars.

Yet, here you are, cruising the tearoom.

I like to cover my bases.

What on earth?

What on earth are they doing?

These daddies with their...

- babies. - Mm-hmm.

I wouldn't even know how to be gay anymore.

Tell that to your pantsuit.

Great. Great job, buddy.

I'm happy for them.

And jealous as hell.

Those kids will remember them,

long after they have gone.

And who will remember us?

- You left a big mark. - On who?

Those gay dads should drop to their knees

and kiss your rings.

Which one?

Especially the cubic zirconia on your left ring finger.

'Cause bitch, you know that's the only one that's real.

You evil bitch.

I went to see David today.

Is he still dead?

My name was on the tombstone.

No shit. You paid for the damn thing.

Today was the first time I saw it.

Don't tell me, you are still mad at that old whore.

Jesus, honey, when are you gonna move on?

Why didn't you tell me about my house?

I went there. There was nothing there.

You don't tell someone in the goddamn nursing home

their house has been demolished.

It's bad etiquette.

But you could have come and said, "Hi."

At least you had a home.

And a David.

I had a house, and a David.

And both are gone.

But you are here.

You're not gone.

Eunice.

Eunice.

And you old bitch, sitting next to me.

How did it go?

I quit the bitch.

Frozen fucking pizza lit the toaster oven on fire.

But I extinguished the blaze, girl.

- I am here, I am alive! - And did you select a song?

I barely survive a DiGiorno inferno

and you trifle me for song selection?

Shame on you, Gabriel. Shame.

Is Velma all right?

One Coco Roco and she will be just fine.

Look like you seen a ghost.

Gabriel sent on me to check on you.

I dropped this bitch on a Crockpot.

It's the last night, I have no idea what I'm doing.

Take the edge off.

Gorgeous skin.

- Where are you from? - Hancock Street.

Nice.

You been there lately?

- Been performing long? - Two years.

I finally start to get good and they close the damn bar.

What's your act?

Batten down the hatches, boys,

man your harpoons and make way for Miss Velma Humpback!

- "Thar she blows!" - Aw, yes, queen.

Forget this little town, Miss Velma.

You'd be big in Cleveland.

Well, ain't you just the sweetest thing?

- Oh, hell no. - Sit down. Close your eyes.

I'm a professional. No peeking.

No peeking.

Voila.

- I love your rings. - Thanks. Each one has a story.

Oh yeah? What are they?

I don't remember.

I forgot how much I missed this.

- Dancing? - Our people!

Slay, girl!

Sir.

Sir, you sustained a serious head injury!

Please get back in your room.

I'm late for my funeral.

Sir, get your ass back here.

Get the hell out of the way.

Bitch.

Sherman. I'm... I'm sorry!

You're too late.

Oh. Hey, Pat.

She's a real hot mess in there.

Total resting bitch face.

Resting dead bitch face.

She needs your touch.

Get Dee Dee back.

Don't you dare.

Dee Dee would do a better job.

Bullshit.

I didn't know that you looked that bad.

Well then fix me, goddammit.

When David died, you didn't come to the funeral.

And now you want me to rescue yours?

Pat, for Christ's sake, I never even met David.

We talked about him,

every Friday at 4:00 for 33 years.

You know, I don't do well at funerals.

Really?

I adore them.

You're not making this easy, Patrick.

I'm trying to make this right.

I know I was your servant...

but I thought I was your friend.

You knew every goddamn secret I ever had.

And you never listened once to mine.

It was another world back then, Pat.

People evolve, they let go.

Maybe you should too.

Have a fun funeral.

I was embarrassed! Okay?

About how David died.

When I did let you know...

how much it hurt...

...that you weren't there.

Because I needed you there at that moment.

Where were you?

I left you.

And the whole town followed.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

You're going to be beautiful.

I'll make you beautiful.

Yes.

Pat.

Thank you.

May I share something with you?

I was 15 when Grandma Rita sat me down

and asked me if there was anything I needed to tell her.

We were so conservative.

I was scared to death to tell her the truth.

But finally...

I did.

"Don't worry," she said.

"My best friend's gay too."

We stayed up all night.

She told me all about you and David.

Even though I never really knew you...

I want you to know you changed my life.

Oh, baby, I missed you.

Hey, mister.

Bye, everybody!

Come and see me sometimes.

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