Original subtitles

♪ Caldwell and Nathan are two cartoonists ♪

♪ they love to draw but they're not too smart ♪

♪ so they sold their souls to the TV devil ♪

♪ for a cartoon show that features their art ♪

♪ they all shook hands and drank a toast ♪

♪ neither could believe their newfound luck ♪

♪ but then on the way to the studio ♪

♪ they were both flamed out by a hotdog truck ♪

♪ now when someone ironic whispers ♪

♪ in hell forever and hey get this ♪

♪ they gotta make a show ♪

♪ that they think is gonna sell ♪

♪ if they ever wanna get out of cartoon hell ♪

- Ugh Nathan - Yeah?

- Ugh I'm just feeling off this morning

I skipped breakfast.

- Awww you didn't let the demon

shit in your mouth this time?

- No because the demon caught wind that I was enjoying it.

- Mmmh.

- And so they started shitting

a cereal that I don't enjoy.

They started just pooping out grape nuts

right into my mouth.

And not even with a lump of sugar in them

just straight grape nuts,

just straight doodoo nuts.

- Truly a hellish punishment.

I switched to the demon shit breakfast

and I've gotta say it starts my day off right.

- Hey everybody. - Hey.

- These two mortal artists

think they have a keen sensibility

but do they know why kids love the awesome

taste of pure demon shit?

- Is it cause it's got

- Is it the blood in every bite?

- No you dumb dumbs.

It's the ground glass swirls

in every single bite.

- Mmmm. - Demon shit you deserved it.

- Hey man, Agar good morning.

- Ah good morning guys.

I just had to do those ad copy

for the free watchers.

- Oh sure yeah.

- I'm glad you guys are getting your days

started off right

because we have a thematically appropriate

suggestion this time.

- Ooh. - Ooh.

- One of our more wholesome and healthy

demon lords Jay Kraft asked us

haunted breakfast cereal?

- Ooh

- A straight up question. - Yeah.

- And because something this decrepit and dying and dark

as breakfast cereals we needed to get

some extra muscle in the room.

- Ooh

- Which is why we're being kicked up a notch Agman.

Agman are you reading me?

- Yes hello Managar hello.

- All right boys you know the deal.

- Hi little boys.

- Oh yeah best behavior. - Oh hello

- P's and q's minded

- Welcome back.

- Thank you thank you.

You guys are looking fairly awful this morning

- Yes I'm sitting up as straight as possible.

- Those front butts you gave us

really took a while for the swelling to go down.

- Aww that's nice.

- Yeah.

- It did help my posture in the end I would say.

- Okay.

- [Caldwell] So we're drawing a haunted breakfast cereal.

I'm gonna start by just drawing the cereal bowl I guess

and then it will become haunted

over the course of my drawing.

- [Nathan] Breakfast begins with the bowl.

- [Caldwell] Yeah.

- [Nathan] That's what they always say,

that's what my mom always said.

Breakfast begins with the bowl.

Doesn't matter what you put it in

as long as there's a bowl it's breakfast.

- [Caldwell] That's what we're going with?

The standard bowl?

Not some kind of tube

or chute for today's active lifestyle?

- [Nathan] I'm starting with the bowl.

Maybe we can work up to chutes

- [Caldwell] Managar does have an interesting idea

maybe this is a wi-Fi enabled bowl.

- Is that what's haunting it

just the access to the internet?

(laughing)

No I'm not gonna do that.

(laughing)

- [Caldwell] Nathan I respect you.

You know like there are so many opportunities

for you to cow-tow to our bullying

but I'm glad that you have a vision

and you're sticking with it.

- [Nathan] Wi-Fi breakfast

I dunno about that.

It is sorta gonna have those haunted sort of wigglies

- An aura. - coming off of it

and then I think some sort of

spirit or specter rising from this bowl.

- Nathan I have a question - Mhm?

- [Woman] So I'm seeing this spirit kind

of rising from the bowl

but I am wondering where the milk is located?

I don't really see any milk. - Ohh

- [Woman] This seems to be a dense bowl of dry cereal

(laughing)

- Ooh ooh.

Agman I've been watching British bakeoff

would you say it's looking stodgy

- [Augman] Stodgy - Oh yeah that's a stodgy bowl

- Yeah this is looking a little stodgy.

- Let's get some milk in there.

- Drench those grains please. - So you can see it's sort of

glommed together

I don't really remember what cereal looks

like to be honest.

- Yeah well I mean all ghosts are kinda milky

in their complexion.

- That's actually a slur, that's actually a slur.

- Oh my goodness I'm so sorry apologies.

- Should this be a milky ghost?

- Ohh so you're saying that the milk is the ghost.

- Maybe. - Is it a cereal

where like you pour the milk on and that activates the ghost

and the ghost is like you freed me from my prison.

I'm the grain ghost and I lived here

but now the milk has unlocked my jail

and I'm free to torment the children of the Earth.

- I was going for sort of like ghostly flames

but I think it should be more of a wetter sort of gloopier

more of a ectoplasm I guess but it is a milky

- A milky white ectoplasm. - Yes.

Oh maybe this is the ghost

that like makes cereal soggy

- Ohh - This is a soggy ghost

I like that

a soggifier if you will

- A sogghoul

- A sogghoul alright so I gotta draw a real soggy ghost now.

- This is that new thriller

from bloom house sog. - Shown in sogmented reality

- Yes ,it's only available in VR

- Or like one of them movie theaters where

you spend 30 bucks and it shakes your butt around.

- Except this time you're wet. - You're so wet.

I think that's what movies have been missing

honestly is the ability to get wet.

- I agree - It would take some

configuration but we could get them little nozzles

to shoot whole milk at yah. - Yeah, is milk the ghost

of a better liquid? - Oooh, what would you say

is the best liquid what would be what's

a better liquid than milk? - I'm trying to think like

a thicker big beefy drink. - A cow

- Well I mean I guess that's true

cause it's the ghost juice that like lives inside a cow

- It's the haunted spirit within a cow.

- Ohh. - Yeah it's cow essence.

- And that's why calves know how to stand

when they're first born?

- Yeah.

- Is because they have absorbed that essence from the udder.

- And mortal humans like to suck the essence out of a cow.

- We do cause we crave the essence.

- Yeah.

- So is that what is going on here Nathan

is that this goopy ghost is cow essence and they're mad

at humanity so they're gonna make

their cereal soggy as a result?

- Yeah I think we got there. - Okay.

- So I'm gonna add just a little bit of cow

to this ,I think this name his name is just Sogs.

- Sogs yeah. - I like Sogs.

so what we're going with here is

milk is the ghost of all cows

and they're finally seeking revenge

on humanity for stealing all of their essence.

- Yeah and Agman how do you feel about all of that.

- I think it is a powerful story that needs to be told.

- I think now is the time.

- Cow is the time.

- Cow is the time ,could we go with boo-vine

maybe as the name for the sog monster.

- Oh yeah okay

okay so we got boo-vine the soggifier.

- Yes that's powerful.

- I love a name that also describes

what they're gonna do to you

like how they're gonna fuck you up.

- Yeah.

- Oh and maybe that's what they start doing is

they they're not satisfied with sogging

up your cereal anymore they want to sog you up too.

- Oh yeah that's sort of what makes it scary

cause like yeah soggy cereal yeah we've heard of that

soggy people?

- Oh this boogo sogged up my mom

- Also moo and boo very similar sounds

- Great yeah so like it's not gonna be hard

to ADR that from cows if we can just teach a bunch of cows

to say boo instead of moo

then that's gonna save us so much money I think

- I'm feeling real good about this.

- Yes this is a solid start.

- This is a good starting place.

Caldwell do you wanna add a specter

or spirit to haunt breakfast.

- Might I please Nathan I love this soggy monster

I want it to melt my bones

and return me to the primordial milk

but before that happens I've got a companion

- A ghost companion.

- Yeah is it part of a complete breakfast?

- I think that this is going to be too much breakfast.

- Okay

- You're gonna see this big fella

and you're gonna be like I wish it were lunch.

- Yeah cause you hear about like

incomplete breakfast complete breakfast

you don't hear much about

like an overly complete breakfast.

- Yeah.

- A breakfast that is so complete that it consumes you.

- The looming threat of breakfast.

- I'm getting some really pillowy vibes.

- So you know when you go to the grocery store.

- Uh huh.

- And they got the good cereals and then you look down

and they got those big bags.

- Ohh noo.

- Yeah.

- The bag cereals?

- Marshmallow maybes. - Exactly.

- Apple ringlets ya know

you got your self a frosted mini cube.

- Coca points. - Cupcake crusps.

(laughing)

- So I think what I'm kind of doing here

is making kind of a this is a baggy man.

- Okay this is a real fuckey bag.

- Yeah, this is the baggy man.

- And these eyes yeah and what this is.

- It's just a bag full of cereal

but it has come to life and it is haunted

and animated by some dark force.

- That's good because I feel like

a bag is a nice sort of dry counterpart

to the more wet ghost that I have given us.

- Oh exactly yeah this thing is

I think this is very dry

I do think that this bag participates

in no nut November.

- But that's just because none of the cereals

in it contain nuts.

- Exactly.

- Hold on Nathan I'm sorry to interrupt.

I see this sort of interplay between wet and dry

but I do wonder if this sort of big sort of buxom

bag could be drier?

- Drier? - Drier yeh

if we're really trying to interplay

how wet boo-vine is

I'd like to see how dry this man is.

- You know what okay first of all let's go ahead and give it

a little more lip.

- Okay so you can chap that lip up?

- So I can chap up those lips yes.

- Call this sultry turn this bag is doing

is I'm all about it.

- Yeh I just thought like ya know

it's down there on the bottom shelf

it's gonna need to be eye catching

boogy man wants to come home with you.

- I mean listen we've all been low on funds

kind of not living our best life

and you kind of just gotta up the sex appeal

to get noticed in this horrible world.

- I'm a thrill you can't afford

that's what boogy man is saying.

- Oh yeah look at that little rump.

- Does boogy man have three butt cheeks?

- I think boogy man is just kind of a big lump

so they can kind of have any number of butt cheeks

that the moment calls for is what I'm thinking about.

- Okay.

- I am gonna do some legs in here

because boogeyman does come after you.

- Now Cal we haven't really talked much about

what this show is we've got these two characters

we've got the duality of wet and dry spook em ups.

- Haunted each in their own way.

- Yeah is this sort of like a

like an ahh real monsters we're following some scary guys

as they go on haunting excursions.

- Yeah do you think that they're trying to like

get milk and I guess

whatever the opposite of milk is

is that like the current seed these monsters

crave in this world?

- They're trying to get it. - Yeah.

- Cause this guy can get it.

- Oh this guy can get it all day everyday.

- Yeah that's true.

so maybe he doesn't need it too much

I wanna make these legs dry.

How do I signify a dry leg.

- Well obviously you know we've all been there

where you open up that fresh bag of cereal

and it's just so dry

that just a cloud of grainy dust

just kind of enters all your orifices.

- Yeah.

- We're gonna want some dust.

- Get some puffs of that good good

bronchial poison.

- It's a dusty bag

now I do have a thought about what the opposite

of what like wet milk would be.

Is it dry dry bones.

- It's dry dry bones.

- It's star wars character.

- You got to think about milk.

Milk is made from bones and vice versa.

But if the bones don't have enough milk

they become dry dry dry.

- Wait a minute.

- Wait no let's see where he's going with this.

- Milk is made from bones continue.

- Milk is made from bones

and so on so I think that this is bone cereal.

- Caldwell is half remembering a US dairy farmers

PSA from 1992.

- Right in that you drink milk

and it's good for your bones right.

- No that commercial goes milk

it's bones?

- That's why vegans don't drink milk Nathan.

- Yes.

- Get a load of this idiot doesn't realize

that milk is made from bones.

- If anything being in hell

has been an educational experience for me.

- Mhm.

- I learn something new every time

we try and make a show.

- Hey everyone in hell

this guy didn't know that milk is made from bones.

- Oh my god

- Idiot idiot.

- No no my least favorite torture public ridicule.

- I am just stepping in to say that I saw that

and I think it is very funny that you do not know

shit about bones

okay good bye

- Wow

- Even cartoonotron

- Cartoonotron wasn't even summoned.

He just showed up of his own accord.

- That's wild.

All right Agman how we feeling about this?

- You know I feel as good as one could feel

about a dry bag of bones

but I do plot wise for this show

you guys were talking about

what could this show possibly be trying to say.

And I wonder if boo-vine's goal is to just sort of

haunt people for their soggy sins right.

- Yes.

- What's his name bag of booze?

- I think baggy man.

- Baggy man, okay great.

I think he could have a similar purpose of like

the people who are certainly sent to hell

who leave bags open and don't use a little chip clip.

- Oh my goodness.

- Let it get stale perhaps

he's here to punish you with his big buxom bod.

- Okay hold on he's gonna be coming in

and he's like nuhuhuh hey clip those chips.

- I think he is definitely going to be

doing a disciplinary gesture here is what's going on?

- Hey there lame wad you better sinch that binch.

(laughs)

- There is a bit of an educational element

done to this show.

- I think so, learning through fear

I like that I just feel so bad, I didn't realize

that we were gonna be mak this haunts so sexy

or I would have done something.

- No you got something for the furies.

- Its true.

- I think a milk lover, could really love

your drawing Nathan.

- Awe you guys, thank you for that positive encouragement.

- You made a creamy dream.

- Creamy dream. - Exactly yeah!

- That said Nathan we still have time to maybe

do a couple drawings and designs.

Do you wanna take another stab at making

sexier, something that's going to appeal

to uh you know a real pervy gross family.

- Do You want to start one off for me?

- I'd love to.

- Nathan, are you familiar with Ring goo?

- I feel like you've mentioned ring goo

before and I just sort of went along with it.

- It's a girl that lives in a well

and if you watch her scary video tape she will

come haunt you forever,

- Oh I didn't know her name was ring goo.

- Well I think ring goo is the Japanese film

that she stars in, I think her name might be

wet well girl, so this is going to be another wet character.

That's what I'm getting out of here.

- Okay.

- But I do think that is what were

missing with our haunting characters, is just a

sopping wet girl that is possessed, so she

is just coming out of your cereal, and I guess

she is going to tell you that your late for work

maybe or something like that, what do we think?

- Oh okay she is wet, but the wetness isn't

necessarily part of the haunting that she provides.

- No I don't think so, do you want to pass it off to me?

- Yeah Nathan if you want to get in there

- I'd love to

okay I was just thinking, what is something

that would ruin a breakfast cereal other then

a bunch of long strands of black hair

you know what some people do that's crazy?

- What do they do?

- They put their orange juice right in the cereal.

- No they don't!

- Yeah. - No that's not real right?

- I've seen it, not just in hell too.

- This is worse then any torture, this is

knowledge that you cursed me with.

- So I think she just got citrus coming

right down, she's got it fresh squeezed

- Is this the citrus kid?

- So we got wet, dry and sour.

- Oh my gosh.

- The three tastes.

(laughs) - So I am gonna try

and sort of get a real good pucker going, absolutely.

- What do you think when the citrus kid

shows up in your bowl?

- It's like to prevent you from getting scurvy maybe?

- Yeah, it's to prevent you from getting scurvy.

- It's also for the idea maybe your running late

so you just have to pour the orange juice right

into your cereal, I mean that's kind of how

I live my life, ill take a cup of coffee for the

road but ill also pour some toothpaste in there

so I can just get that out of the way.

- 'Cause that's how normal people think and work.

- I do wonder what her punishment or haunting looks like.

She looks like she is going

to spit something into my mouth.

- Okay maybe this is less of a breakfast cereal

and maybe more like a breakfast accessory.

So like you buy one of these

and if you are out of orange juice maybe they just appear?

- No if your having an incomplete breakfast without

the pre requisite as we have all seen

on television the giant glass of milk

and the giant glass of orange juice

and the tray of pancakes, and the one sad banana

then the ghost come to punish you for daring to think

that just a bowl of cereal was a complete breakfast.

- And if you see her in 24 hours, you die.

- Oh yeah that too.

- You do still die. - Of scurvy.

- This is the complete breakfast.

- Yes.

- That's the complete name of this line of cereal

it is a complete terror package, if any

element of your breakfast is out of what then

you get haunted by these beings.

- They are like ghosts

but maybe they're friendly ghosts that are here

to ensure that you get a healthy breakfast.

- And kill you, but they do kill you

but there friendly about it.

- Yeah yeah so there like we got a job to do.

We still have to murder you and let

this be a warning were putting your head

on a stake and then juicing it so we can

have some nice blood orange juice.

- Ohhhhh. - Thank you, thank you.

- I like that.

- Wait Nathan did you not know orange juice

was made of blood?

Nathan.

- Okay so Milk is made of bones, orange juice is

made of blood.

- Okay, I've never laughed before and I just laughed.

- Don't tell cartoonotron that one because

he already got me pretty good for the milk bones.

- I heard the whole thing and I recorded it

- Oh no!

and I put it on world star.com.

- Oh no!

- Hey hey cartoonatron, stay you don't have

to go back to Stacey, how are you doing by the way?

- I'm doing very good,

I ate cal dwells breakfast this morning.

- Sounds crazy.

- So Caldwell didn't get a complete breakfast?

- No and he deserves to be haunted

send all of these crazy creatures into his bedroom.

- Okay will do thank you.

- Make sure that it is sexy, but not too sexy

but also sour.

- I like the show we've got , I mean we've got these

cast of characters and what they do is they go

and haunt people for having wrong breakfast.

- Yeah for their breakfast sins.

- But I think maybe its almost like a sitcom

most of the time, with just the three of them

just hanging out.

- Yeah they are vengeful breakfast spirits

but most of the time they are just hanging out

I guess some sort of breakfast brunch zone

waiting for breakfast to come again

'cause they can't exist outside of breakfast time.

- I just gave us a cute marshmallow ghost

because breakfast cereals have marshmallows

in them sometimes - Awwww.

- That's good.

We were kind of missing

kind of the merchandising opportunity.

- It does look like sperm, which is good.

- I did make a sperm.

- Gosh we've really covered it all,

its a full complete breakfast.

Every kind of

- It's a full complete breakfast, I don't like

how I made it a sperm,

- No Nathan !!

- That is one marshmallow shape you are

not gonna find at the end of the rainbow.

I'll tell you that much.

- Wait Nathan did you not know that there

is sperm in marshmallows?

- Did you not know that's how they make marshmallows?

- No they can't be, it can't be true.

- No dunk on him.

- I refuse to believe it.

- Oh my God Nathan.

- Take this idiot to church.

- Did you go to school?

- So wait then I did it right, the sperm

marshmallow is correct ?

- You lucked your way into being correct for once.

- Great good job!

- And I have nothing left to add all right.

- Well then cartoonotron.

- Yes.

- He's already here.

- He's a cool hang.

- He's already here, just razzing me mercilessly.

- I just can't get use to that guy.

- Right back at ya buddy.

- Is this the first time you've ever

spoken to each other ?

- Mhhhhh. - Mhhh.

- Mhhh no thank you !

(laughing)

- Okay give me that cartoon, I am ready

for second breakfast.

- Here you go Cartoonatron, please make

this into something.

- Om nom nom nom.

(suspenseful music)

- Dang I'm too busy for breakfast,

guess I'll have to have an early lunch.

(phone rings)

- What the hell!

Ahh, why are my legs so soggy?

- Because you skipped breakfast and now were

gonna murder you!

- What hey don't!

- Now were gonna.

- Well what if you didn't ?

- Sorry we are.

- Okay but maybe not?

- Now were gonna

- Okay but maybe not ?

- All right enough talking time to uhhhh noooooooo!

It's noon, you've tricked us

- Uh hey its me, yeah still haunted.

I'll be in late.

Awe there were bagels dang.

- Okay that was the complete breakfast

a horror trilogy that is also a breakfast

cereal and a cartoon show I'm not really certain

but there Is a lot of marketing opportunities for it.

- A celebration of breakfast and being haunted both.

- Managar what did you think?

- Ohhhh Agman, Agman can we do British baking

style where you announce one torture

and I announce the other.

- Okay great.

- I'm gonna be the short danish lady.

- Well I appreciated the cartoon and its play on

wet, dry and sour but I have to say it was terrible

and I'm sorry Caldwell but you will be receiving

a special punishment in the doogling department,

you will have to lick the anuses of everyone in

the doogling department I'm sorry and they only

eat grape nuts and you will have to lick it out of them,

you know it doesn't digest

- So I don't even get to dongle?

- No you don't get to dongle in the doogling department,

I'm sorry there too busy doogling

for you to interrupt their doogling.

- So does Nathan get to dongle or is it just me?

- Managar would you like to reveal Nathans punishment?

- It is my unfortunate duty this week

to have to give a torture to Nathan.

Although we love you both

very much in a very artificial and patronizing way

it is Nathans turn to be the guinea pig I would say

for Hells newest product toothpaste flavored orange juice.

- Ohhhh

- All the enamel and vicarating acidity of orange

juice combined with the chalky pasty qualities

of toothpaste together at last, in one horrifying vessel.

- And I have to do that without Caldwell because

he's gonna be in the doogling department licking anuses.

(laughing)

- I'm gonna need a lot less complaining

and a lot more guzzling

because we got a lot of gallons of this.

- And that guzzling goes for both of you.

- Caldwell I'm gonna miss you buddy,

- I'll miss you too, I'll save you some grape nuts

- Oh Nathan I've never seen such a brilliant pucker

- Thank you for watching Cartoon Hell !

- We're here forever but not together woooooo.

- Here come the nuts.

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